


The Legacy of Sacrifice

by Lanfear



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: AU? Not sure, Action/Adventure, Continuation, Destroy Ending Alternate Route?, F/M, Gen, Love, M/M, Other, Paragon Commander Shepard, Post ME3 Fiction, Romance, Supplemental Non-Canon Characters, Vanguard/Earthborn/Sole Survivor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-20 11:21:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 32
Words: 239,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanfear/pseuds/Lanfear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Shepard, Saviour of the Galaxy, has done the impossible, bringing together the disparate races and uniting them into a weapon against the greatest threat that they have ever faced. Now that the war is over, the survivors are left to pick up the remaining pieces, a task almost as onerous as the one they'd just left behind. Kaidan Alenko, John's lover and friend, is sifting through the rubble, trying desperately to search for the man who captured his heart. His reunion is short-lived however as new menaces arise, as they always do, and the galaxy is left stunned by revelations that may threaten to undo all that they have built since.</p><p>But now, Shepard isn't in a position to lend his strength in aid of the countless billions that have desperately relied on him in the past. This time, another of Shepard's crew must take on his mantle and unite the people before the new and sinister threat before it finally claims the lives of this cycle. Kaidan Alenko, the grudgingly reluctant hero, must do as Shepard had done before, traversing the galaxy and recruiting an army in order to save the life of his love again.</p><p>
  <b>Now with amazing fan art by Meena!</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> First off, please indulge me. I'd like to dedicate this work to my partner, George. I don't know what I'd have done without his love, care and support. All I know is, I wouldn't be here sitting at a computer and tippy-tapping away on my keyboard, trying my best to express how I feel about that wonderful man. Words cannot describe... so I'll use a story instead! Sort of. So dear, this one is for you. My very own real life Commander Shepard. Okay, enough sappy. Moving on!
> 
> As this is my first (novel? I don't know what to call it) ever that I've had the pleasure of writing, it will be unpolished and probably won't have the flow and complex development that good published works will have and it might have poor grammar and repetitive vocabulary. I mean, I don't even think I know how to write a good story even though I've read tons of them. That said, I have a VERY active imagination, and I hope that it'll be enough that I throw interesting new concepts about the possible continuation of Mass Effect and that it'll at least bolster the strength of my story.
> 
> This work is intended to be long. Very long. I was hoping to hit 300,000 words (too ambitious? well, the sky's the limit) and I have all of the basic plot points and story development laid out; I just need to work on fleshing out the details and getting them up and running. I'll try to release the chapters that are completed as soon as I can. I wanted to release it as a complete work in one go, but thought of the logistics of it and realized I'd need all the help from my readers to flog me forward. I can lose my motivation at times. So flood me with comments! Send 'em to me! I want you to scold me, lecture me for being so slow! Ahem...
> 
> And now, without further ado, I present you with my magnum opus. What? It's dramatic, I realize, but this is like the most words I've ever written. Ever.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way, own any of the characters, settings and references to the Mass Effect Universe. These are the property of Bioware's Mass Effect Series. The plot points and development as well as original characters and additional development are my own. I am in no way associated with EA Games or Bioware and do not have any rights to their property, no copyright infringement is intended.  
> The characters and events in this story are fictitious, any similarity to real persons, either living or dead, are coincidental at best and not intended by me.

The figure stalked forward in silence. It didn't have a problem with a tightening lack of noise, was in fact strangely comfortable with it. It itched along its back as it made careful progress, picking its way through the vast yet rudimentary cavern, aware of an unseen watcher that analysed its progress through the upturned rocks and pieces of harsh stone and earth that made up the floor of its current abode. It traced the jagged sides and carefully placed one foot after the other, carefully; a word that it definitely did not often prescribe to during its former life.

Thinking of that moment, of its reawakening, had sent chills and shivers through it every time, and though it was becoming used to controlling its body's reaction to the harsh thoughts that overwhelmed its mind, it still found a small measure of comfort in identifying and basking in the all too _natural_ feelings of memory.

There had been darkness. Endless bliss, neither joy nor pain, hatred or love. It was. And the absence of feeling, of anything, was so strong that it felt like a presence all on its own. Then the light, the harsh glaring red beams of light that tore through its improved optic nerves and sent searing tendrils of hate and power through into its brain. It rubbed absently along the sides of its arms as it remembered how it had thrashed and turned, tried to fight the invasion of its mind and how useless it had felt resisting the force behind the light. Its eyes had opened, it had awaken and memories and feelings had raced through its body and mind. It languished and twitched as hyper-sensitive nerves sparked and triggered for the first time in years and it didn't know whether to resist the sweet stabs of pain or to bask and take in as much of it as it could.

It was left to crawl out of its gestation pod under its own power, struggling to its feet as liquid nutrients and redundant fluids coursed down over its naked body. It was. It knew, memories and experiences that gave it personality and character, turned its thoughts along a single prescribed path. There were gaping holes, empty as the cavern that it currently traversed, and it wondered with a detached curiosity whether there had been anything vital stored in those parts of its brain or whether it had been something that its masters did not want it to recall. Either thought brought echoes of discomfort, only echoes, for it realized immediately that any signs of turning against its master's will would shut down its body and send mind-numbing pain rampaging through its system. Pain was a familiar friend, but one that it did not want to get _too_ familiar with.

Mechanically, it dressed, pulling on unfamiliar paddings and armour, jet black in the flickering, artificial light and it wondered why it was that the light always flickered in places such as this. Surely they had the technology and the resources to create a simple source of light that didn't have to cast nauseating shadows over itself and its surroundings. Perhaps it was part of the mind games that its masters enjoyed, if creatures such as that could ever be said to enjoy anything.

It had stood solemnly just outside the chamber that it had been born in, feeling neither heat nor cold and certainly not hunger. The feeling was something that it remembered, it had happened too frequently during the past and it knew that it missed the accompanying feeling of consumption and fullness that would follow. But its body did not need that, only needed the barest of _anything_ in order to survive and though the thought pained it unexpectedly, it derived a perverse satisfaction at its other thought, it had _survived_.

Pain blossomed in the front of its mind, shattering its thoughts in the wake of a single word that was so loud, it was surprised that the walls hadn't collapsed and that its head was still intact from even experiencing the voice in passing.

_**Come**._

Its feet had moved of their own accord and it cursed the fraction of control that it had over its new body, knew that somewhere in its past it had revelled in freedom and had taken such things as indecision, creativity and the unknown for granted. And so it went as the voice directed it. It was inwardly surprised though, at the amount of latitude it was given in its head, the freedom that it was granted in thinking and expressing its thoughts and wondered if this was one of the differences between it and the past, failed experiments its masters had performed. It knew, as instinctively as one such as it could know, that it was the product of a different process, of a new and tentative experiment. And it knew that its masters would want very much to test their new tool to assess its effectiveness.

It reached the end of the hall, walking beneath a crudely fashioned portcullis of sorts, a door that reached up into the depths of the ceiling and disappeared into darkness. Its purpose was unknown to the figure, but it knew that it had never encountered anything like it before. The sheer size and scope of the doorway should have been enough to tell it that the door's purpose was to protect and keep safe the figure that resided behind it but it was sure that there might have been another purpose to have a door that was almost a kilometre thick, blinking with lights and mechanisms.

**_Come. Now._ **

Without thought, it bunched the tightly woven bio-mechanical fibres in its legs that served as muscle and released them in a startling burst of speed, turning into a liquid blur as it raced the rest of the way toward the compelling voice before it. The enhancements had granted the creature tremendous advantages in speed, reflexes, strength and durability, but it all came with a price. If it exerted too much, those parts would drain too much energy from its frame and shut themselves down while they waited for the area to cool down and restart themselves. Those moments would leave it vulnerable, and it knew without doubt, that it _hated_ being vulnerable.

It closed the last hundred metres in a second, coming to a complete halt so abruptly that it ground tiny divots into the rock and felt shards of stone spray out in a short fan before it. It took a deep breath and clamped down on the burning signals that its legs began to send to it, signalling to itself that it may have overtaxed its extremities so soon after emerging from its forced hibernation. It walked carefully again, blocking out the pain that wound its way through its body and looked up in awe at the thing before it.

It was monumental, multiple points frayed out from its main body to give it support and a vaguely diamond-shaped body that spanned kilometres and was elegantly raised up off the floor and almost touched the ceiling of the chamber. Huge tubes trailed through the thing's superstructure and linked it to certain ports located within the walls, either feeding something into it or sending something out, it wasn't sure. As a counterpoint to all the jet black metal, it was framed by delicately blinking lights, some white, some a soft blue, but everywhere, light.  It was a Reaper, Sovereign-class in size definitely, and it was facing the figure directly. The Reaper was its master.

**_Observe._ **

From the main oculus, a comparatively tiny red beam emerged and started to whirl around, sending a complex and detailed hologram playing across the empty air of the chamber. The figure folded hands behind its back with delicate precision as it watched the sight that its creator wanted it to see.

It was the rest of their fleet, stationed within the Sol system and hovering protectively over a tiny, five-pointed star that floated innocuously over a bright, green-blue gem of a world. _Earth_. It felt nervous fingers twitch in surprise and wondered whether it would be part of the final strike into Earth. It watched the image more closely; no, it didn't think so. The planet looked devastated and there were more than enough forces present to dominate the entire system, let alone one miniscule, overpopulated orb. There had to be another reason why it was present for this.

A bright... something, caught its attention and it watched as the tiny star began to shift and turn and it wondered if it was another form of Reaper, whether its masters had created an entirely new weapon that they wanted to test on the unsuspecting planet. Suddenly the star glowed, brightly enough that it cast everything else in stark shadows, turning the hologram into a block of brilliant, ruby red. The figure felt traces of apprehension as it watched but could no more look away than it could turn around and leave the chamber against its master's will. The light seemed to drawn into itself, seemed to gather at the middle of the glowing star, and with the poignant suddenness of a blink, flashed out in an omni-directional blast that left the shattered hulks of Reapers steaming in its wake.

It was struck by a sudden realization; this was not a weapon created by its masters, this was a weapon that the sentient races of this cycle had managed to complete and use against the Reapers and it felt panic at the thought of being consumed in the voracious light.

The hologram winked out, there was nothing else to see anyway, and its master settled its bulk more comfortably on the floor of the chamber as a deafening, clanging boom filled the air, echoing through the chamber. The figure flinched and cast its eyes around in desperation, the blast had reached them and it didn't want to die, though a quiet part of its mind analysed the cowardly reaction and knew that something was wrong with the thought. It swivelled around, intent on dashing through the door again and finding the deepest, darkest hole it could find, but turned to see only empty walls. There was _nothing_. It was only then that the figure realized that the sound it had previously heard was the sound of the doors closing. Then another realization hit.

They were _blast doors_. It's master had intentionally created this refuge while its brethren had been scouring the galaxy of life and was intending to see if it could ride out the storm. Somehow it had extrapolated the situation and prepared contingencies for this eventuality and the figure stared in mixed admiration and dread at the towering colossus before it while it returned a look of bland, mechanical indifference.

Suddenly, a keening too loud to hear, split the air like a knife and it couldn't stand, couldn't think anymore as the chamber seemed to collapse in on itself and it felt the very strands of its being as it was pulled apart and frayed into nothing as the once comforting darkness rushed to embrace it again.

It breathed a grateful breath as it tiredly beat back the retreating nothing that had smothered it, what seems like months ago but may in fact have been days or even hours. It was difficult to have an accurate sense of time buried in this tomb. It was facedown on the floor, breathing in the dusty debris and it coughed once, pathetically, as it struggled to stand, pushing tired, bleeding hands against the cold, hard floor and willed itself to forget the pain. It raised its head and looked up at the vast, dead bulk of its former master, the halo of lights dull and, in some cases, shattered. It turned and paled as it took in the twisted remnants of the vast door, watched as burnt out pieces of metal shuddered and failed miserably against the walls and caved in to land gracelessly on the floor. It sighed and tried to make its way out of shattered chamber but found that its feet would not budge.

That was strange. Its masters were all dead, gone, the thrall that they had over it should have been lifted and freedom should have come rushing back in a familiar euphoric wave. Perhaps that was something its masters had been experimenting with, and it tried repeatedly to shift its legs forward when a ravening pain exploded in between its eyes. It dropped to the floor and screamed as the feeling burrowed its way into its brain, serrated spikes thrusting through the soft flesh underneath.

Abruptly, the pain flared and died and it lay there taking shuddering breaths as it tried to remember where it was, tried to recover some semblance of posture and place. The best it could do was turn its head ever so slightly to the twitching arms of the Reaper as it slowly came back to life, lights flooding back into the construct through the tubes that covered it.

**_The experiment is successful. Preservation has been accomplished. Now, we will begin._ **

Suddenly, all lingering aches and tiredness was banished from its body as it felt its master activate bio-mechanical functions that sped up healing and drowned out pain in a wave of endorphins and adrenaline. It could also feel the tiniest bit of its master strength coursing through it and it revelled at the feeling, the almost unbearable amount of power that flooded its system. It leapt back up to its feet and turned smoothly to kneel before its master, one hand braced on its knee while the other lay palm down on the floor, against the other knee that was already resting there.

The Reaper's red lights flickered ominously, and the figure could only imagine what thoughts were streaming through the Reaper's processors as the figure knelt there, head bowed down in subservience.

**_Proceed with the parameters of your mission. Disobedience will be punished and failure will be rewarded with oblivion. You will not fail us. Begin._ **

Despite the threat that lingered in the air, the figure couldn't help but grin as it nodded its head eagerly in acknowledgement. It was time to get moving, time for action, and it felt its jaw ache at the thought of finally _moving_ and getting itself out there into the new, shattered galaxy that it had left behind.


	2. Picking Up the Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Mass Effect craze began when I went searching on google for images of Kaidan and Shepard. Get your mind out of the gutter, not THAT kind. Though there were lots.
> 
> One particular work by an artist most of you should be familiar with stunned me. It blew me away. His rendition, details and accuracy were otherworldly and I was inspired by several of them. I do not have permission to upload the image that inspired a particular moment in this chapter but I will paste the link here, by a very talented artist named Andrew Ryan (I think that's just a pen-name though):
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Three Years Later](http://andrewryanart.deviantart.com/art/Three-Years-Later-338983377)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I know it's on a different time scale but it was just so... perfect. And touching. You can see more in his tumblr gallery. It truly is a sight to behold.

"All fleets! The Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point."

Kaidan's head was swimming with immuno-boosters and analgesic drugs and, combined with the heavy amounts of medi-gel that was slathered across his torso and limbs, he felt a strange sort of detached euphoria that bordered on delirium. Still, he clearly heard the command as it was being broadcasted throughout the Normandy and he felt panic trying to cut through the mugginess in his mind.

Shepard was still there. Shepard was still at ground-zero, they had to get him back somehow, had to get back to him. _He_ had to get back to him.

All that emerged from his numb mouth was a garbled and throaty grunt as his tongue refused to obey the commands that he was relaying to it. Instead of shouting in his most commanding voice and ordering them to head back and search for Shepard, he could only make pitiful mewling noises as he stared up at the harsh lights of the Normandy's med-bay ceiling. It was an unnerving feeling, crushing despair mixed with a heady sense of bliss and he wondered if the tears that poured down the sides of his face were from the former or the latter.

"I repeat. Disengage and get the hell out of there."

 _No._ The word repeated itself over and over again as he felt the ship tilt slightly as it stalled and reversed its course. They couldn't leave Shepard like that, Kaidan needed to be there, to either carry Shepard home or die together with him. He couldn't live like that again, he couldn't go through what happened after the first Normandy, when Shepard had been taken away from him in another, all-consuming blast.

The instruments that he was attached to continued to beep louder and faster as his heart rate and adrenaline spiked and Kaidan knew that his body was breaking through the haze of drugs and overwhelming him with a sensory overload. He didn't care, in fact deep down he prayed that his heart would just give out and that he'd be able to die and join Shepard wherever it was that fallen heroes went.

Doctor Chakwas appeared at his side, as if Pulled there by biotics, with a worried cast to her proud features as she hastily tapped consoles and calibrated instruments in attempt to get his body back into safer ranges. The new flood managed to wrest away the sharp feelings within him and he felt his head sag to side as his muscles began to relax once again. He needed it out, had to get it out before he lost consciousness again, and he barely managed to pry open his traitorous lips and whisper _John_ before the swell brought him under.

*

Kaidan jerked awake. His eyes flew open, not wanting to remain a moment longer in _that_ memory, and he hastily brought his palm up to rub the sleep from his eyes and hopefully grind the image out of his head. It was futile, but there were times when he sorely wished that he could just will the images and memories trapped in his brain.

It had been three months since the Crucible had erupted in a wave of purifying light and for an instant, the dark galaxy had shone like a gem, chasing away the dark scourge that had been the Reapers. It had been a miracle that any of them had survived, that so _many_ of them had survived, and it was all thanks to the saviour of the galaxy, his lover, John Shepard.

The thought never failed to send warmth coursing through his body and despite the lingering effects of the nightmare, he smiled at the thought. If someone had told him during BAaT that he'd be having sexual relations with his commanding officer, leading a school of biotics and taking down mechanical menaces from all the dark corners of the galaxy, he'd have laughed in that person's face. And after he finished, he'd take a breath and laugh again.

Still, not everything was perfect. Earth was in ruins, especially considering that it bore the brunt of the Reaper invasion force. That they had managed to hold out for so long was probably due to the inspiration and hope provided by John Shepard and his activities across the galaxy, gathering resources and rallying nations under a single banner. He grinned again at the thought, especially when he considered how John would have _hated_ being glorified in that way.

It had been four days after The Cleansing, as the various newsgroups and articles had unanimously dubbed the explosion, when they had found him. The Normandy was the first ship to reach Earth after the bedraggled forces had been accounted for at the rendezvous, just at the edge of the Sol System, and Kaidan was still embarrassed to recall that he had almost screamed at Admiral Hackett in his insistence to head back and search for Shepard.

They had landed as close to the debris and destruction of the Beam as they could, hoping that, if anything, they'd be able to find him in the vicinity. That first day Kaidan had shouted himself hoarse calling out Shepard's name, alternating between 'John' and 'Shepard' and had even begun picking through the rubble on his own, trying to lift _everything_   he could with his biotics, until Doctor Chakwas had commandeered a group of marines to bodily drag him back to the safety of the ship. If he hadn't been so exhausted, he'd probably have flung them off and continued searching through the night until he collapsed.

He had tried to bolt back out as soon as he was brought into the med-bay but Chakwas' patience had finally snapped and she practically cornered him under a sterile lab table as she let loose with an anger that had left Kaidan with his mouth gaping open in shock. He had barely recovered from his injuries, she had scolded loudly, and it would be a fine mess if they had to spend the last of their medical reserves on _him_ again and then find Shepard and run out of supplies. The thought, more than anything, chilled Kaidan to the bone, so he shut himself up and hung his head trying his best to look chastised. Chakwas hadn't even glanced at him as he let himself out of the med-bay, almost tip-toeing out like a meek space hamster.

He had made his way to Shepard's cabin without bothering to remove his armour, wanting to be prepared to leave as soon as he got word. The cabin was as they had always left it, he had claimed a space as well when they had made their relationship official, and lay on the mattress as he hugged Shepard's favourite N7 hoodie, tattered and worn. He breathed in the scent of his lover, like he had always done since the evacuation, and couldn't stop the tears from falling and soaking into the fabric. There were patches of salty, white crust all over the hoodie, and he knew he should have gotten it washed, but the thought of parting with even this small bit of the man wanted to make him howl in denial. So he kept it with him, surrounding himself with John's love whenever he could.

They found him the next day.

The shout that repeated and rang through the Normandy's ship wide comm system was like a glorious shout of victory and Kaidan had never thought that he would have thought Joker's voice was so wonderfully, perfect in that moment. He thought he would really have to go and compliment the man for having such a beautiful voice, though in truth all he did was huddle in the cabin and weep with gratitude.

When he finally managed to centre himself, he had almost leapt into the Kodiak in haste, and there was a moment of frustration when he had rebounded off of Garrus and Vega, both with wide grins on their faces. Liara, Tali and Chakwas were peering over their shoulders at him and Kaidan could see Javik smirking in a corner. EDI still hadn't fully recovered from The Cleansing, so she opted to stay on the Normandy in case they had to leave with haste, but still, every able bodied crew mate seemed to fill the shuttle to bursting and Kaidan blushed when he realized that he was probably the last one to come aboard.

They had sped off as fast as they could, the shuttle drifting slightly as Cortez pulled more and more power into the vehicle as it strained to reach their destination, approximately two kilometres east of where the Beam had been located. The buzz of conversation filled the shuttle, good natured jokes and small talk spread with comforting warmth but Kaidan hadn't joined in, merely stared dead ahead as the anticipation built within him. Shepard was alive, and until he saw him with his own eyes, nothing else could matter.

Since he was the last in, he was also the first one out and ran at a stumbling rush towards the makeshift tent that had been built up over the area where Shepard had been found. He barely acknowledged the group of tired marines who had been scouring the area since the night before, one of the other first contact groups that had reached the site after the Normandy. Kaidan had pulled the tent flap back roughly with a snap and charged towards the huddle of medical personnel and machinery at the far corner. They looked up suddenly at the sounds of his approach and edged to the side as they continued to fiddle with the makeshift instruments that was keeping Shepard alive.

One glance and Kaidan had promptly backtracked, turning around and running toward the entrance as his stomach cramped and he crouched, just outside the flap, to dry heave as the images played through his mind. Shepard was alive, but _barely_. He didn't even look human, the only recognizable thing about him was the faded and scratched N7 logo across his chest. There had been a thin metal rod jutting out of his torso, broken pieces of armour littered everywhere and an arm that looked surreal, bent out of position. His legs were all but crushed under debris and his face had been a bruised and scratched mass of wounds and tears, metal bone reinforcements blinking in the light.

Kaidan had wiped his mouth and stood on shaking legs just as the rest of the Normandy ground party reached the tent's entrance and several shades of worry and dread flashed across their features. His throat was raw and he didn't trust his voice to not sound broken, so he dredged up a small smile and nodded his head in affirmation, waving in the general direction of the rear of the tent.

They had gone in then, one after another, Chakwas before anyone else but him, and each had come out a different colour from when they went in, all except Javik who had placed a bland mask of control over his features. Chakwas had remained and Kaidan could hear from his position the increased frenzy as they prepared to stabilize Shepard as best they could and transfer him to a standing facility that could more properly support him.

Many of the crew had volunteered to remain and search for any more survivors, some even offering to walk back to the Normandy after they were done, needing time alone and not-so-fresh air to process what they had seen. As the stretcher hurried past him, Kaidan forced himself to watch as the figure wrapped in sterilized white cloth moved away from him and he contemplated going with them. He knew there was nothing that he could do in any case, though he wanted nothing more than to stay at Shepard's side, holding and grounding the other man as he'd promised to do.

No. He didn't want to hinder the medical team, and if seconds were the difference between life and death, he knew he'd never forgive himself if he stalled them for even a moment. So he had focused on the task at hand, forced himself to go along with the rest of the team as the spread out and scouted for survivors. There had been very, very few.

The next few weeks had passed in a blur. Shepard had been partially stabilized on the Normandy and had been rushed to one of the only few standing medical facilities left in London, a place that Kaidan hadn't been familiar with then, though because of its location on the periphery of the area it had survived almost unscathed. Medical professionals from all over the galaxy had swooped in, trying to save a saviour, and it was more than two weeks before they had gotten word that Shepard was fully stable. Kaidan had been sick with worry during the wait and took the first chance he got to make his way over to Shepard's side, though it had been an agonizing several hours as he shouted, threatened and begged over his communicator trying to find out where exactly they had been keeping Shepard.

Shepard still hadn't regained consciousness when Kaidan had arrived at King's Royal Hospital, sweaty and wrung-out, and he had refused to leave the man's bedside. The hospital staff had even moved in a temporary stretcher for him, all the hospital beds were being taken up by patients from all over the area, and had placed it in an out-of-the-way corner so that he could at least get some sleep. He had asked that all communication and messages meant for him be forwarded to his omni-tool and he had practically lived in the small ward next to Shepard's still but recovering form, only emerging when his presence was urgently requested for by Alliance Brass.

He had busied himself with reports of all sorts, updates on the surviving members of his biotic division and the logistics of evacuation and re-housing among them, and ever so often, he would glance up at the sleeping form of the only other occupant in the room. Sometimes he would work next to Shepard, pulling up a chair and asking rhetorical questions about certain things that puzzled him and he could almost imagine the replies that floated on the air, and it brought Kaidan back to all the times they had spent aboard the Normandy. It was comfortable and mundane, exactly what Kaidan needed to ground himself as he waited impatiently for Shepard to regain consciousness.

Two months after Kaidan had begun his bedside vigil Shepard had awoken. He had been sitting at his usual place, at Shepard's side, going through the allotment of temporary housing that would be available for Alliance personnel who were still active in London, and Kaidan had been rattling off about the different pros and cons of each choice. He knew that he wouldn't be residing here for much longer, had in fact wanted to move back to Vancouver where the Alliance main HQ was being rebuilt, but he had wanted to make sure Shepard would be able to at least enjoy a little time and space with him. He had been stroking Shepard's hand when he felt the slight curling of fingers as they closed around his absent digits.

Kaidan had nearly jumped out of his skin at the movement and had dropped the data-pad unceremoniously onto the floor as he stood and leaned over the man next to him, barely breathing for fear of missing the quickening of breath or the lingering sensation of a caress. His hands had remained in Shepard's palm as he waited and he felt a slight squeeze accompanied by a barely audible " _Kaidain_..." and Kaidan's breath exited him in a relaxed whoosh.

Tears sprang into his eyes as the surrounding equipment registered the increased brain activity and heart beats and in a matter of minutes he was being hastily shoved out of the room by an asari nurse as platitudes tumbled from her lips, promising severe consequences if he tried to enter again by force. The last thing he saw as the door closed was Shepard, surrounded by a halo of white coats, head tilted to the side and one eye cracked open in his direction.

That had been almost a month ago and since then, Shepard had regained consciousness in increments, first minutes then hours at a time. Kaidan knew from the constant reports that he had insisted upon and the frequent visits that he had maintained, that the man was undergoing all sorts of treatments, some that had baffled even him. Miranda had been called in and it had taken quite a bit of effort on the part of the Shadow Broker before she had been tracked down, somewhere in London overseeing all manner of different things. Seeing as she oversaw the Lazarus Project that had brought him back to life the first time, everyone was all effusive smiles and accepting nods as she went through the entire list of enhancements and modifications that Shepard had undergone and Kaidan was sure that they were the only reasons that Shepard still lived.

Kaidan grimaced. Not for the first time, he made a mental note to get Miranda something special as a thank you. Or at least an apology. On second thought, maybe the thank you gift was something easier, though he hardly knew what the woman was interested in.

He stretched and yawned as he checked the time on his omni-tool. It was 0615 hours, Standard London Time. For a moment, Kaidan wondered how slovenly it would be if he just rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. As he turned onto his side, cheap sheets whispering across his naked body, he could feel the dream that had woken him up in the first place, hovering at the edge of his mind.

The thought of it coming back to haunt him was enough that he forced himself to sit up and looked around the small, temporary house that he'd been assigned, just barely two weeks ago. It was a studio apartment, in a very generous sense of the term, and was basically one large room that was sub-divided into different, smaller components, such as a living room, a kitchen and a single bathroom. There were other larger houses and apartments that were available, but Kaidan hadn't felt right taking any of them as the Alliance wanted to convert them and turn them into makeshift infirmaries and bunks if they could.

The smoke from the fighting had lingered in a polluting haze over the area and had stained everything black and Kaidan had spent the first week trying to scrub away the grime, though he had only succeeded in turning everything into a surprisingly pleasant shade of light grey. Everything in the apartment was salvaged from its previous state and the only new additions were necessities, standard-issue military beddings and accessories, a small work table that had half a leg missing and enough field rations in the cupboards to keep a hungry biotic from starving. He'd been very lucky to even get that much and he knew that even Liara was taxed to her limit trying to support several worlds across the galaxy with relief aid and supplies.

Kaidan shivered as he stepped away from the rough but comforting feel of the blankets, moving away from the bed and heading towards the kitchen. The cold from the floor whispered up his bare feet and into his body, pebbling his skin with goosebumps as he quickly hopped over to the surrounding cupboards looking to grab something to eat. His metabolism would keep him warm enough, so long as he fuelled his body with enough calories, and the onset of cold reminded him that he'd lost a lot of weight during the last few months. Between the recovery, lack of proper food supplies and endless hours of labour, he wasn't the only one who could feel their waist shrinking over time and Kaidan was melancholy at the thought of his pants no longer flattering his posterior as it once did.

He cracked open the airtight seal on a bag that said 'Chicken Pot Pie', but from the quick bite he took, he knew immediately that the meat definitely wasn't chicken or any other meat he'd tasted and the pot pie tasted more like sawdust. Still, he was grateful for the energy boost and munched contemplatively as he wondered whether he should try to do some physical warm-up routines or if he should try to make a dent in the overwhelming amount of reports that were being sent to him.

He shivered slightly as a soft gust blew in from under the door, bringing with it the smells of new buildings and old smoke and he decided that anything to warm him up would be a very welcome thing. After that he'd take a shower, a very quick one since the hot water rations only allotted approximately five minutes per person per house, and take the most urgent reports with him to King's Royal. The thought made him grin around a mouthful of food and despite the lack of sleep, the cold and depressing weather and the ever present workload the Alliance sent in a stream to him, Kaidan felt elated and buoyant.

Today was the day. At long last, after months of waiting, physiotherapy and all manner of fringe science-like medical treatments, the head doctor that had been attending to Shepard had given the all clear. Today, Shepard was coming home.

*

Kaidan stepped out from the shuttle and absently waved the Alliance shuttle pilot away before moving towards the hospital, hoping the man would have some sense to rest before going for his next run. He would have preferred to drive here, but there was an unsurprising lack of road-worthy vehicles remaining after everything that had happened and he was sure that maintaining luxury cars during a war was not high on anyone's priority list. Added to the fact that most of the roads weren't cleared of all but the largest pieces of rubble yet, it was definitely more convenient to take a shuttle, though due to the lack of pilots and operational shuttles, that avenue of transport was running thin as well.

Kaidan moved quickly up the stairs, a small bag with spare clothes for Shepard swinging next to him, and to the sealed doors of the hospital, the clogging air ensured that no one sane would linger out of doors for longer than necessary, and made his way to the wing that Shepard was being kept in. The receptionist-nurse there recognized him, a pleasant salarian who spoke in quick, chirpy tones, and waved Kaidan forward as he marked off something on a pad. In fact almost all the staff there seemed to recognize him and a few of the more senior members knew him as the 'reclusive Major who lived in ward 29A', and he didn't know whether he should have been pleased with the endearment or embarrassed.

He walked silently through the corridors, occasionally glancing into wards and rooms that were all full. He'd gotten to know some of the patients that had resided here, had forced himself to help out wherever he could, rather than sit and worry over his lover, and though he recognized a few of the people from his glances, most were unfamiliar. There had been some critical cases that he'd known about and hoped that they had recovered or improved and been discharged or transferred. The alternatives were too grim to think about and deep down he silently thanked whatever divine being it was that watched over foolish lovers and heroic soldiers for the life of John Shepard.

Kaidan had just made it to the door of 29A and barely caught himself as he almost barrelled into the head doctor in his reckless haste. Doctor Jonas looked up as Kaidan hopped to the side, barely avoiding a collision, and smiled at the Major as Kaidan sheepishly returned the gesture. They shook hands before the doctor motioned him out into the hall and Kaidan managed to get a peek over his shoulder of Shepard reclining back and speaking to a nurse who was checking off boxes on a data-pad in her hand. Shepard noticed him and looked up, all questions forgotten, and the smile he gave to Kaidan was enough to unhinge his knees.

The door slid shut and Kaidan turned to Doctor Jonas as he consulted several things on the data-pad he was holding, allowing the silence to stretch out between them as Kaidan imagined about what he would do with Shepard, and _to_ him he thought passionately, over the next few weeks, let alone the rest of their lives. _Yes_ , the sensual and adamant affirmation sent heat shooting through Kaidan, and he hoped his body wouldn't respond inappropriately while he was facing the doctor. He couldn't imagine anything else but devoting himself, his love, his all to Shepard for as long as his lifetime would permit.

"So, Major Alenko," Doctor Jonas began, snapping Kaidan out of his daydreams, "I've just been over the latest physical data we've received about Commander Shepard and everything has come back in acceptable ranges. In fact, his recovery is nothing short of miraculous. I wonder if Miss Lawson would be willing to go over some of the details about the Commander's enhancements, it would definitely assist us in some of the more difficult cases such as-"

"Uh, doctor?" Kaidan interrupted, knowing the man would carry on until someone stopped his train of thought.

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Commander Shepard is in near perfect physical health, considering what he's been through, from what we can tell. The vast majority of his injuries will take a few more weeks to heal naturally on their own and he'll be able to perform light duties _only_ ," Doctor Jonas added for emphasis, "The damage to his legs was perhaps the most trying, though he'll be able to move around with a walking aid. The hospital will loan you a pair of crutches, the forms can be filled in at the counter." The doctor paused in his recitation as he glanced down at the data in his hands.

Kaidan held his breath, waiting for the 'but' and the bad news that would inevitably follow.

"The damage to his spine was mostly cosmetic, probably due to his armour and the metallic modifications that he had undergone. The area around his L5 amp was a worrisome problem, we worried that he had sustained severe damage to the area considering the nature of his... injuries. However, Cerberus obviously took that into account and the titanium reinforcements there negated any serious injury. All in all, that is the full rundown of his most notable injuries." Doctor Jonas looked up expectantly as he finished.

"I... That's good to know doctor, thank you. For everything," Kaidan said, trying to keep the lump in his throat from overwhelming his voice.

"It was my pleasure, Major, especially considering all that Commander Shepard has done for us," Doctor Jonas replied absently. "Now, we'll need to schedule a follow-up as well as a psych-evaluation for the Commander. We want to make sure that there won't be any lingering damage in any case, and we felt that it would have been... too much to lay on him during his physical recovery as well. In truth I'd like to keep him here longer, but he can be quite... feisty in confinement," Kaidan couldn't help but blush at the statement and innocently nodded his head in agreement, "and the higher ups have requested that he be released as soon as we've determined he could recover under his own power. Again, everything can be sorted out at the front."

Kaidan nodded impatiently, his desire to know that Shepard was safe and well was sated now and he wanted nothing more than to head in. Doctor Jonas apparently noticed his impatience, the way his muscles clenched and unclenched, and the doctor smiled reassuringly before stepping aside.

Kaidan literally leapt forward at the opportunity and tried to maintain his decorum as he rushed over to Shepard's beside, catching the trailing end of conversation between the nurse and her patient as he approached.

"...and we'll see you again, once you've confirmed your appointment with us," the nurse finished and looked up from the questionnaire.

"Thank you, it's been really great here," Shepared replied diplomatically.

The nurse beamed in response and rewarded the man with an open smile. "Why thank you, we are trying our best. And personally, I'd just like to say what an honour it's been Commander. Thank you for, well, everything."

Kaidan had been watching Shepard the entire time and saw the way a harsh shadow flickered across the man's eyes as memories of war and death tromped through his mind. It was gone in an instant, replaced by a familiar cock-sure grin, and if Kaidan hadn't been paying attention, he knew he'd have missed it. He firmly stamped a mental note in his mind to arrange for the psych-evaluation as soon as possible, even though Kaidan had personally hated the experience.

Wanting to forestall anything more, Kaidan gently took Shepard's hand in his own, capturing his attention. "Well, Shepard. I'm glad to see you're as... feisty as ever?"

A healthy bloom spread across Shepard's cheeks as the nurse stifled a giggle and moved away from the bedside, giving them privacy and space. They stared at each other, soaking in the differences and similarities as the door quietly slid shut behind the retreating nurse.

"Is she gone?" Shepard asked without turning away and Kaidan nodded dumbly, a question forming on his lips.

Before he could ask though, Shepard had reached forward and snagged his head in both of his battle-scarred hands, bringing it forward as he brought their lips together with ferocity. Despite the heat and rush of the moment, Shepard's kisses were soft and gentle, tongue flicking out and tasting, sampling the warm flesh of Kaidan's lips and the burning sensation in his chest rose tenfold as he truly tasted his lover in his mouth once more.

Kaidan sighed into the kiss, blissful contentment escaping from his trapped mouth as he felt his body respond and he eagerly met Shepard's thrusting tongue with his own, snaking its way over the full lips and smooth teeth. He wanted nothing more than to explore, to remember every part of that sensual mouth and would have been satisfied spending the next hour or so cuddling and kissing this wonderful, wonderful man.

Shepard's hand was beginning to work their way over his shirt, gently teasing and pinching his sensitive left nipple over the soft fabric and Kaidan couldn't help the raspy groan that escaped from his throat, felt his cock twitch at the replying sound that came from Shepard. He had to force himself to break away from the embrace, had to thrash himself senseless before he could pull away, and was breathing heavily as he saw Shepard lick his lips and give him that crooked grin.

Damn, they'd never leave the hospital at this rate, Kaidan thought to himself.

He followed Shepard's gaze as the other man's eyes moved down to the foot of the bed and he had to swallow the grunt that was about to emerge, though he couldn't do anything about the way his eyes widened at the sight of Shepard's thick, erect member as it tented the hospital bed material in a very obvious full mast.

"Kaidan," Shepard almost whined, and Kaidan wondered if it could be called a whine in that deep tone that sent shivers through him, "You're not going to leave me hanging like this are you?"

"Uh, Shepard... John, I.. I don't think I'd exactly call that 'hanging' if you know what I mean. Is this really the place that you want to be doing something like this-"

Shepard's chuckle stopped him from continuing. "Kaidan, you have _no_ idea how adorable you are when you stutter." Shepard leaned forward and brought his mouth up to Kaidan's ear, hot breath tickling over his skin. "I really like it," Shepard whispered sensually.

Kaidan felt as if a flash-grenade had exploded in his head and almost forgave the other man for calling him... adorable. Almost. His own erection was painfully pressing against the fabric of his pants and he refused to let Shepard have the satisfaction of seeing him so hot and needy. Well, two could play at this game, Kaidan thought.

"John," Kaidan returned, dropping his voice and adding a raspy, throaty quality that he knew always made Shepard breath faster. He was rewarded as he felt the chest pressed against him rise and fall at an increased pace. He pulled back slightly and planted a chaste kiss against the other man's lips before looking him in the eye. "You're right."

Shepard blinked once. He hadn't been expecting that. _Good_ , Kaidan thought.

"I... You're right. We can't let you walk out of the hospital like that. Here, let me help."

Kaidan scooted the chair back so that he was just out of Shepard's reach and began to watch the other man as he slowly raised his hands and began to stroke his skin, making deep growling noises as his own hands caressed his neck, his collarbone. He ran his hands over his chest and his fingers bumped over the stiff nipple there, eliciting a low moan from his mouth and he closed his eyes in bliss. He rubbed the area slowly, gently and felt more moans escape his lips, short, hard bursts that filled his throat.

He cracked open one eye and tried not to let the smile show as he watched Shepard, mouth slightly parted, breathing heavily as Shepard watched with predatory fascination. There was also a tight pulling of frustration along the man's eyes and Kaidan knew he had the upper hand. He lowered his hands and gently slipped them under the waist band of his pants, leaning back as he gave Shepard a very clear view of his erection and the questing fingers that were making their way toward it. He heard a very desperate, _very_ un-Commander like sound from the man and watched as the other man clenched his fists in the gathered bedsheets. Shepard's teeth were gritted and Kaidan was surprised that the other man hadn't reached down to satisfy his own urges.

Kaidan mentally shrugged. Maybe he needed to provide the man with something more... explicit. He slowly, teasingly worked his pants free, feeling the hot skin of his cock bounce back from the retreating fabric and slap him against his stomach. He hadn't worn underwear today, as was his usual, and he was glad that he hadn't made an exception as Shepard's eyes almost bulged out. Kaidan used a finger to trace a vein that ran along his length, slowing following it up to his throbbing head and ran dry fingers over the sensitive glans. The friction was exquisite and Kaidan moaned more deeply and louder than before, his free hand working their way down to cup his balls.

"Do... Do you like the view so far, Shepard? I... uh, I thought you like it when I.. when I do this. Please Shepard... John. I need.. Y- You know I need you... Ah..." Kaidan voiced the thoughts that were running through his head, feeling slightly like an extranet sex hotline operator.

Shepard had begun to shake and his face was going red. Kaidan could almost imagine the other man's erection as it throbbed under the hospital sheets and Kaidan wondered how much farther he'd have to go before Shepard cracked and gave in.

Suddenly it hit him, realized something was amiss when Kaidan's slightly glazed eyes were searching for the proof of Shepard's response to him and had roamed over the bed several times before he realized he couldn't see Shepard's hardness anywhere. Had the man already come?

Shepard was still red-faced and shaking as he turned his head slowly and stared at the corner of the room, just above the door that led to the corridor. Kaidan's felt his eyes shift as they tracked to the same spot and his hands froze at the sight, embarrassment shutting out his ardour like a door slam. He fumbled clumsily with his waistband, a small squeak escaping his lips as he wished fervently for a Reaper beam to vaporize the area he was sitting on.

There, in the topmost corner of the room, a security camera winked at him as it scanned the room and Kaidan hastily pulled up his pants as all the blood rushed from his groin and into his face. He didn't think things would have gotten any worse until he glared accusingly at Shepard, his anger failing in its effectiveness as embarassment stained his features, and he heard something he'd never heard before from the man during their time together. Shepard leaned back against the bedframe and laughed till tears rolled from his eyes.

*

Shepard noticed that Kaidan was awkwardly shifting his feet and scrubbing at the back of his neck as he helped him to fill out the paperwork and was still casting accusing glances in his direction; he fired back with that crooked-grin of his that he _knew_ Kaidan would never be able to get enough of. He'd told him often enough during their more private moments. He couldn't help but think back to what had happened in the ward, knew that he'd keep that precious memory with him for the rest of his life.

His desire had almost overwhelmed him at the sight of Kaidan reaching into this pants, had wanted nothing more than to join the other man in that absolutely voyeuristic way, but Shepard had been wondering how far Kaidan would go to trump one over him. All the way, it seemed, whipping it out like that for everyone to see, and he was sure that the salarian receptionist's nervous gestures had more to do with that little... performance than with Shepard's presence here in the hall. He grinned again at the recollection and wondered if they could... explore that avenue further when they got out of here. Hot desired raced through him at the thought and he hummed in anticipation; it had been too long since he'd been with Kaidan, needed the smell and sight and sound of him, climaxing next to him and in him, just like they'd done on that last run before Cronos Station.

His mood went dark as he recalled the events that had led up to this point, unable to resist tracing the familiar, worn paths of those memories. Thankfully, Kaidan had finished up with everything and was beating a hasty retreat from the desk back to Shepard's position, traces of pink still tinging his skin, and said in clipped tones that they should go.

"Are you sure you want to leave so soon, Kaidan? I mean, I heard you've been here for a few months now. I'm sure there are some nurses you want to say goodbye to," Shepard couldn't help the satisfied smirk that quirked his mouth.

Kaidan's growl and glare would have been so sexy if Shepard wasn't sure that the other man would make him sleep on the floor or the couch for this, so he schooled his face and tried to look as innocent as possible. It obviously didn't work as well as he'd hoped when Kaidan raised an eyebrow at him and snorted, muttering about "if I knew the doctor wouldn't drag you back to the hospital over it, I'd make you sleep on the floor, Shepard."

Well, he could think of other ways to placate his lover.

Shepard picked up his crutch, he had adamantly refused to use two and had made it clear that he only needed to support the weight off one leg, and made slow halting steps out the door and back into the real world, freedom and his life with Kaidan. He'd finally be able to get it done, all the quiet moments spent alone in the hospital, coming up with and discarding plans, a proposal, a life together. He _ached_ for it, more than anything.

He stopped suddenly, leaving Kaidan to walk forward a few steps before he turned to look back, and Shepard felt shame build up in him as he took in the short flight of steps before him. Slayer of Reapers, Saviour of the Krogan, of the galaxy at large and here he was, worried that he'd be taken out of action by a flight of stairs.

"John? What's the matter?" Kaidan asked from a few steps down.

"I... think that maybe I should take it slow. Stairs... I, uh... Do you think they have a ramp here? Maybe I could-" Shepard knew he was stalling, didn't want to let Kaidan see how worried he was about the prospect of being crippled by some raised steps and spending another few months back in the same ward. Away from Kaidan. This time, they'd never let him out till they were a hundred percent sure he was fit.

A huffing laugh sounded from Kaidan and Shepard thought the air was a bit chillier than usual, which was probably the reason why he felt his face flush. Definitely the wind.

Kaidan walked up to him and said with a wicked gleam in his eyes, "The great Commander Shepard, defeated by a flight of stairs? You know John, we'd have been in real trouble if Cerberus had used stairs instead of lifts in all their bases. Or imagine, you'd never have made it up to the Council Chamber." Kaidan huffed out another laugh.

Shepard opened his mouth to retort, now _sure_ that he would make his way down even if it killed him, when Kaidan stalled him.

"Relax John. You don't have to put up a front for me," Kaidan kissed Shepard's forehead before manoeuvring around behind him, holding the man close as he grabbed his waist firmly, bodies grinding deliciously close together.

"Kaidan, what-" and that was all that Shepard could get out as he felt the tell-tale, flickering tingle of Kaidan's biotics surge around the both of them. It was a heady moment for him, surrounded and protected by something that was uniquely Kaidan, could smell the musky, manly scent of other man as he leaned his head carefully across Shepard's neck.

"Kaidan, do you think a barrier is really necessary for this?" Shepard asked.

"Shush, John. I'm trying to concentrate."

So Shepard sighed and looked forward, slowly getting lost in the hard, hot body pressed against him and the buzzing bliss that flowed over his skin. He didn't even have time to shout when Kaidan took a step forward, launching them both into empty air and Shepard felt the shift as the biotic mass of energy swirled faster around the both of them.

They were _floating_. Shepard turned to look over his shoulder and saw that Kaidan's eyes were closed, forehead puckered in concentration as he floated the both of them down the short flight of stairs. Shepard watched as they weightlessly travelled forward, he felt almost surreal hanging in the middle of nothing, surrounded by Kaidan, and closed his eyes as the soft, gentle wind stroked his skin. It was amazing.

All too soon, Shepard felt the hard ground touch the edges of his toes and he couldn't help the slightly disappointed sound from escaping his lips now that he was back on solid earth. He turned and raised a hand to stroke Kaidan's cheek lovingly as the man wiped sweat from his brow in a way that recalled to Shepard the very first time he'd seen the man and felt his heart snagged in those deep, brown eyes. And felt himself fall even more deeply in this moment.

"Kaidan, I- How did... When-" Shepard just couldn't get the words out right.

Kaidan huffed a breath, breaking into a wide grin. "John, you've no idea how adorable you are when you stutter... I think I like it."

"Kaidan..." Shepard refused to be distracted by that golden, honeyed voice.

"Well John, you, ah, you remember the Ardat-Yakshi monastery? How we were...um, discussing the merits of using biotics to float? Well, I had some free time on my hands and I- I was trying to, you know, get Liara to teach me. She didn't know how, so I guess I kind of... taught myself? For you..." Kaidan finished, blushing furiously. Yes, his heart was definitely being tugged under, Shepard couldn't help thinking.

He leaned forward and kissed Kaidan, breathing a warm "Thank you, Kaidan."

Shepard really needed to get Kaidan home, needed some privacy and a bed in order to thank Kaidan properly and hoped the shuttle wouldn't be more than a few minutes away, or else he'd go mad with desire.

"So... Are... You going to teach me that?" Shepard asked curiously. He'd like the opportunity to do that for Kaidan.

Kaidan smirked. "Hmm... I think it'd be best if I, uh, handled that for now... Shepard. Wouldn't want you to, ah, overexert yourself, you know?"

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him, "That's cruel and unusual, even for you, Major."

"Look, Shepard, would you really want angry doctors breaking down our door if you, you know, fried your amp out?"

Shepard snorted. "You're never going to tell me, are you Kaidan?"

A sudden gust of displaced air signalled the shuttle's arrival and Kaidan returned a triumphant grin in Shepard's direction. "Shuttle's here, Shepard. We should go."

"You know, I've noticed that you've been saying that a lot."

"Huh. Must be the company I keep."

"Yeah, alright Major. You win this round, keep beating up a helpless, old soldier."

A disbelieving sound emerged from Kaidan. "John... You're many things, I'm sure, but helpless? Definitely not one of them."

Shepard folded his arms as best he could, with the crutch blocking his movements slightly. "You just don't know me well enough, Kaidan. I'm as helpless as a baby ...krogan."

"That's... a really poor choice of words, Shepard. Remember what you told me about after you let Grunt out of his tank?" Kaidan shook his head in amusement as he boarded the shuttle.

"Alright, fine," Shepard conceded, perhaps it was a wrong comparison, "Maybe a baby... um..."

"More like a baby thresher maw."

Baby thresher maw? Did they even _have_ babies? He'd have to look it up. He struggled, trying his best to gracefully climb into the shuttle with his crutch hindering him. "It's like you don't know me at all." Shepard muttered trying to manoeuvre his way up.

A firm grasp on his hand caused him to look up, at the beaming smile on Kaidan's face and the strength in his arms as he gave Shepard a firm but gentle tug up on to the platform. He stumbled slightly, barely catching himself but Kaidan was prepared and braced the other man against him, legs bent to take on the increased weight as their bodies intertwined once more. Shepard was more than a little breathless from the constant closeness that they were sharing, though he wasn't sure if it was from all the physical exertion or the warm love that poured from Kaidan and soaked into Shepard's skin. Definitely the exertion.

Kaidan pulled back and gave Shepard a look that was filled with care, concern and love. There was something more, something hot, something needy and _sexual_ in there too and it made Shepard weak. "Don't know you at all, John?" Kaidan purred, "Let's see if we can fix that, later." The kiss that followed drowned out every other reply from Shepard's head.

*

"Doctor Jonas? I've just finished collaborating with tox and physical. Here's the Shepard case file you asked for. Would you like me to send it off to the Alliance or..."

Jonas tiredly looked up from his terminal. "Hrmm? Oh, Kalyra. Thank you. Please, just leave it here. I'd like to go over what we're going to send over."

"Alright doctor." The asari nurse gingerly placed the thick folio on to the table before heading back towards the door, "If there's nothing else, most of us will be leaving for the day."

Jonas sighed. There was always something else, and they just didn't have enough personnel to effectively run the facility. Still, they were only... organic. He was about to say human, but knew that the term didn't apply to a majority of the staff working here at King's. He was in fact, eternally grateful to have a staff group that were as diverse as his patients. Still, he had a job to do.

"How's Mr. Zimmerman in ICU? Did we pull him through?" Jonas asked.

"He's stabilized sir, we've moved him to ward 12C."

"And the pair of turians? What were their names..."

"Zorrus and Hidonis? They've stabilized as well. We've kept them where they are, since we thought you'd like to take a look at them before we moved them to a standard ward."

Jonas muddled over the information as he considered. Those were the most pressing cases and they all seemed to be progressing nicely. "That'll be all Kalyra. Thank you," he said gratefully, feeling a small weight lift from his already overburdened shoulders.

Kalyra nodded once more, turning her head quizzically to the side for a moment before she spoke up. "If you don't mind me saying so doctor, I think you should wrap up your day as well."

Jonas sighed again. He wanted nothing more than for a chance to go home to his wife, and spend the little time that he could get away with, with her. Instead he said, "I appreciate the thought Kalyra but there's just too much to do. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes doctor. Have a good day."

Jonas waved non-committedly in her direction as the door was closing. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and finished checking through the last of the shift details for the coming week. He contemplated calling his wife to tell her he'd probably be late working again, but thought against it. No, he'd make it home tonight on time if it killed him and have a nice quiet evening with her over the meagre dinner that she had probably, painstakingly prepared for them. With that thought, he picked up the Shepard file and flipped through, making sure everything was in order before he sent it off, as requested.

So far everything looked to be in order, just as he had told Major Alenko that afternoon. He flipped over to the last two pages, the ones that detailed the feedback and psych preliminary questions. Normally he wouldn't be responsible for going through something so meagre, but this was Commander Shepard after all and he knew that everything would have to be perfectly vetted through regarding the man's documentation.

His eyes scanned the document as he thought about the coming dinner and quiet conversation he'd have with his wife. It had been too long since-

Wait. His eyes tracked back to the start of the paragraph.

_... Admiral Anderson was a friend and a mentor. It was a great loss for the galaxy when he died next to me on the..._

Jonas scrubbed his eyes and continued forward.

_...alone with him, up the beam..._

_...Catalyst gave me a choice and I wasn't sure..._

_...that's all I can remember so far. I don't know how I managed to survive the Citadel explosion. It was shredded to pieces, I guess I was..._

Doctor Jonas shivered as he felt a cold dread build up in him at the words. This wasn't right, this couldn't be happening. He used his omni-tool and comm-ed Kalyra immediately. When she picked up, he almost yelled into the speaker.

"Kalyra! This is Doctor Jonas. That- The Shepard file, who compiled the last two pages?"

The voice that came through sounded quite stunned at the outburst, "I- Doctor, that was me! Don't you remember? You were there when I left. What's the matter? Do I need to come back?" Kalyra was starting to sound panicked and the last thing that Jonas needed was rumour spread like wildfire. He took several fortifying breaths before continuing.

"I- No. No, Kalyra, it's quite alright. There were... a few discrepancies. I can clear it up. Nothing to worry yourself over. There's no reason for you to come back, I'll just tidy it up and send it over."

"I- I'm sorry doctor but I don't underst-"

He hung up before she even finished the question. There wasn't any time and things had been too recent, too raw for him to discount the hunch provided by his suspicions. This was steadily progressing out of his hands, but he would do what he had to. He turned on his private terminal and placed a call, a very important call, and absently straightened his coat as he waited for it to connect.

"Hello? This is Hackett."

"Admiral Hackett? This is Head Doctor Mendley Jonas, King's Royal Hospital."

"Doctor, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Admiral, I'm sure you're aware we've been keeping Commander Shepard under observation at our facility during his period of recovery. As of today, he was released into the custody of Alliance Major Kaidan Alenko."

Hackett's tired sigh breathed through. "Yes doctor, I'm aware of all that. Was there a specific reason for contacting me? Is everything alright?"

Jonas had to swallow before continuing. "I- Yes. Yes Admiral, everything's alright, everything's fine. But..."

"But? You know, it's never good to leave _that_ word hanging like that."

"There's... there's something that I think you need to be aware of Admiral. I was going through Shepard's file and, though it might be an unproven theoretical postulation, as compared to-"

"Doctor..." Hackett interrupted warningly.

"I.. Yes. Of course," Jonas took a deep breath and relayed to the Admiral all the information that he had read, all the suspicions that had taken root in his mind. He didn't want to cause panic, but this might be something that they couldn't ignore.

As Jonas dwindled down, he became acutely aware of the uncomfortable silence that lingered on the other end of the comm-line and the dread that must have been building up from the revelations that he had spouted. He was still waiting for an answer as the folio slipped from his fingers and spread themselves across the floor like dying leaves. He didn't even think of calling his wife to tell her he was going to be very, _very_  late.


	3. To Purge With Fire

Kaidan rolled over, cursing quietly as the sheets tangled through his bare legs. The feeling as it scraped across his skin brought back memories of the day before.

_They stumbled in through the door way, barely able to keep their hands off one another. It had been too long, the brief titillation that they'd gone through in the hospital left them starving for more. But Kaidan had to be sure, he couldn't risk slowing down Shepard's recovery and risk putting the other man back in a ward for another month or so. So he savoured the moment, hands gentle and teasing as he shifted the bothersome articles of clothing off of his love._

He turned onto his side and watched the naked form of John Shepard as the man breathed in and out, slowly, drifting through a deep and dreamless sleep. Kaidan was grateful for that, grateful that at least this time, Shepard wasn't being plagued by the nightmares and horrors of the war that had passed. He smiled sleepily at the thought. He hoped that he had played a part at keeping the memories at bay and he knew that he was one of the reasons that Shepard had crashed into an exhausted sleep the night before.

_"John, please. Let me. I- I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to you," Kaidan whispered in the other man's ear._

_Shepard snorted. "I'm not made of glass Kaidan."_

_"A fact that I am eternally grateful for. You know how difficult it would have been if Miranda would have had to piece you together like that? Now relax, John. Relax. I'll take care of everything. Of you."_

Kaidan's eyes tracked the swell of Shepard's chest as he breathed in softly, the light that pooled in from the window drawing attention to the man's leaner frame. It had been hard for all of them, Kaidan realized, and it must have been even harder for the man. He hoped that he'd have the strength to keep him standing and in the fight if it ever came to it.

The light shifted slowly, drawing Kaidan's attention to the fabric that had bunched up around Shepard's waist. He unconsciously licked his lips as he watched the short trail of dark hair that shifted as muscles clenched.

_Kaidan's tongue followed the groove in Shepard's belly as he knelt in between the man's legs. He ached to hurry, to rush down and claim the prize that he had waited months for, but patience was an agonizing mistress, and he forced himself to flick his tongue over the soft hair there, a path that would lead him on to greater things._

_His hands had never stopped moving, at first covering Shepard in clumsy swathes as he just touched the man, made himself believe that he was finally here in the flesh with him. Soon, his fingers shifted, going into the details, and had begun to play with Shepard's right nipple, a spot that he knew was a sensitive counterpoint to his own erogenous zone. From the constant stream of deep moans and grunts, Kaidan knew he was working the man to a fevered high._

Kaidan watched as the sheets shifted over the hard erection before him, like an obelisk, elegant and curved.

_He ran his tongue over Shepard's member, teasing soft and gentle spirals over the hot flesh under his mouth. It had all been hurried, passionate couplings on the Normandy during the war, and they rarely had time to luxuriate in the feel of one another and the long stretch of time. Kaidan would make the most of it._

_His tongue continued its maddeningly slow pace, almost memorizing the features of Shepard's erection. Hard muscle throbbing under a layer of soft skin. A pair of veins that tempted him as he rolled his tongue over them and a thick head that was already dripping with precum. He brought his tongue up and flicked off the bead of salty liquid, bringing it back into his mouth to taste. He slicked his way over the head, under the head and could feel Shepard shaking under him as stifled gasps shot through the air._

_Oh yes, he'd get him back for what he did to him at the hospital._

_Kaidan's hands still traced circles around the man's nipples, using just his back and stomach muscles to hold himself up as he worked the stiff member over lovingly, leaving no spot of Shepard untouched. It was a heady feeling, the salty taste of the man and the musky scent of Shepard's arousal, and Kaidan could feel his own cock throb in response to each gasp and moan that came from Shepard's lips._

Kaidan watched as the cock twitched, swelling and subsiding suddenly and he could feel his own painfully hard morning-erection pressing against the fabric that was tangled between his legs. Shepard shifted in his sleep, ever so slightly, and Kaidan returned his gaze back to stare and admire the thickness in front of him. Wanted to do more than stare. Quietly and as stealthily as he could manage, he shifted the material away and made an admiring grunt in response to the sight of his lover's meat.

He couldn't help himself, would have preferred it if Shepard just slept away the rest of the morning, but it was impossible to resist. He carefully lifted up a hand and used the pads of his fingertips to softly and gently caress the organ, making appreciative sounds as it swelled in response to his touch, heat throbbing through his fingers and into his hand. He couldn't take much more of this sweet torment.

_"Kaidan," Shepard had gasped harshly, and Kaidan knew that Shepard had reached the point where any more stimulation without relief would bring discomfort rather than pleasure. "Please, I need... I want..." Another gasp left the man speechless and Kaidan smiled a wolfish grin. He knew Shepard was ready._

_He drew his hands away from his warm, wet hole and reached for more lubrication as he readied himself. He had shifted his hands minutes ago and had begun to massage the puckered passage, knowing what he wanted and what Shepard needed. He had thrust two lubricated fingers in there, massaging and relaxing the muscle as he flicked his prostrate, groaning into Shepard's cock. The man bucked up, hips thrusting forward and Kaidan choked of a moan as he felt the head slam into the back of his throat. They were both ready._

Kaidan slid up closer to his sleeping lover, feeling the heat between them increase as the distance narrowed. Shepard's scent filled his nose, filled the sheets that were wrapped around the both of them, and it made his jaw ache with want. He could feel precum dripping from his own organ as he slowly and carefully raised himself up away from the bed. His foot caught on something hard and he glanced down to see what he had moved onto, watched as the neglected bottle of lubricant roll around the crease in the fabric. Well, wasn't that convenient.

_Kaidan raised himself up and smiled at Shepard, feeling the taste of Shepard's precum as it lingered in his mouth and carefully moved up to the man, straddling him as gave him a slow and deep kiss. Their tongues wrestled and they both groaned into one another, wet heat colouring the air between them as Kaidan leaned forward and raised his ready ass up over Shepard's cock. He balanced his weight on his feet and gently held Shepard's hands above his head locking them back and safely out of the way. That done, he leaned back, admired his handiwork and triggered a Stasis._

_Shepard's eyes widened in response, not with worry but with anticipated curiosity. Kaidan moved his hands away as he leaned back further and eased himself onto the other man. Shepard struggled and shifted trying desperately to add his own momentum to the feeling and Kaidan smiled wickedly._

_"Promised you I'd give you a show didn't I John," and Kaidan wondered if Shepard's voice was as deep and harsh as his right now. He could feel the need and desire rise up in him as he lowered himself over the last few inches, feeling the hot fullness of the other man as it filled him and rubbed over his sensitive prostrate, triggering an explosion of feeling as he shifted and groaned. It felt so good, so right._

Kaidan took the bottle and placed some of the lubricant on his hand, rubbing it slowly to warm it up. It would have been the perfect mood killer if he'd slathered icy cold liquid over Shepard's erection and that wasn't the way he was intending to wake Shepard up. Not at all. He rubbed the liquid over his erection first, watching the way the lubricant and his precum mixed together and he ached to spill himself out onto John, hot, steaming stripes that would cover the other man's stomach. Instead he stroked himself as he used his other hand to ready himself, all the while watching as Shepard slept, unaware of anything but unconsciousness.

He traced his slick fingers over Shepard's erection and watched as his breathing rose, as Shepard became aware of the feeling touching him, Kaidan's soft fingers slicking his manhood with readiness. Shepard's eyes cracked open and registered the image before him Kaidan's flat stomach tight as he leaned back, straddling over him in that way, eyes burning with lust and love. Kaidan knew, because he could see the same emotions reflected back at him in the mirrors of Shepard's eyes.

No words. Nothing but touch and breathing. Kaidan lowered himself over Shepard feeling the man slip into his hole with ease, the activities from the previous time already leaving him relaxed and wanting. Shepard murmured something and raised his hands up slowly to steady Kaidan as he felt the last inch slide into him. Kaidan paused there, catching his breath as he got used to the sensation once more and gazed longingly at the man beneath him.

"Ah, morning, John. I, uh, I guess you caught me." Kaidan mumbled dreamily.

The man stared back up at him with unfathomable eyes and grinned a little before replying. "Kaidan. You'd have been a terrible infiltrator."

Kaidan huffed a breath. "John. I don't really think that infiltrators would do what I'm doing."

"Really? You know it might have been more effective than eliminating a target. Make them fall in love. They'd do what ever you wanted them to," Shepard paused for a moment and a wicked gleam crossed his features as Kaidan felt a huge throb push against the lining of his ass.

He gasped out and leaned forward to catch himself on his hands. The fit was so tight that the smallest shift could be felt with ease and that throb had pushed up against his prostrate.

"Something the matter, Kaidan?" Shepard grinned victoriously as he tensed his cock and sent another wave of sensation through Kaidan who gasped louder and clenched at the material in his hands. Oh the man was going to pay for that.

Kaidan triggered his biotics, sending a tingling wave shooting over his body and at the same time squeezed his ass muscles as hard as he could. Shepard groaned, _loudly_ , and Kaidan raised himself up again with a small smile, not giving the man time to recover as he clenched once more, and again, squeezing Shepard in hot, silky flesh.

Shepard shouted at the sensation, his deep voice echoing through the room as the sensation overwhelmed him and his cock tensed and spasmed as Shepard came deep inside him, loosing his hot, white seed into his lover. Kaidan grinned triumphantly.

"Ah, something the matter, John?" He couldn't keep the pleased note out of his voice.

As Shepard's tremors stilled, and he rode out the last of his orgasm, he shook and twitched at the overloading feeling of his softening member wrapped in Kaidan's sweet tightness. It was something that Kaidan never got tired of seeing.

"You... You're lucky Kaidan. I'm not as young as I used to be," Shepard gasped breathlessly, still wrapped up in the intense orgasm he had just had. "I suppose you win this one, Major. There's always round two you know. A battle won isn't a war won."

Kaidan snorted as he lifted himself up off of Shepard, feeling the softening organ pull out of him and coil over Shepard's groin. He lifted the discarded fabric and pulled it up over the both of them as he lay down next to Shepard and brought his head in for a quick, passionate kiss.

"You're starting to sound like a poet, John. Did you really just compare our lovemaking to a fight?"

"All's fair in love and war, Kaidan."

Kaidan groaned. It was difficult having a soldier as a lover, with all the military innuendos that always found a way to emerge. "I- I cant' believe you called that a battle, John. Besides, since we're keeping score, I won the last two."

"I'm a crippled soldier. You took advantage of me."

"Hmm. Wouldn't that be a tactically sound strategy? Using your opponent's weakness?"

Now it was Shepard's turn to snort. "Yeah, it is. If you're a tyrant."

Kaidan kissed Shepard on the forehead endearingly, snuggling closer up to his lover's warmth. "Let it go, John. I was going to give you quarter, but your 'white flag'... ah, drooped."

"That's because you made it... droop..." Shepard mumbled sleepily.

"All's fair, isn't that what you said?"

Shepard yawned sleepily. "You know, you really have to stop throwing my lines back at me. You have to come up with something more original, Kaidan."

Kaidan closed his eyes as he leaned his head next to Shepard's shoulder. "I, uh, What can I say? I have a good mentor."

Shepard was silent and Kaidan opened one eye as he watched the man drift off back into slumber. He grinned tiredly to himself and felt his last thought drift through his mind before sleep claimed him as well. He could definitely get used to this winning thing.

*

The desk rattled and data-pads and files nervously jumped where they had lain. Admiral Steven Hackett slammed his fist down on the table again, his increasing frustration having no outlet beyond what damage he could inflict on the inanimate object with the growing tenderness of his hand.

"There has to be something," he muttered to himself.

After the devastating call that he'd gotten from Doctor Jonas in London, Hackett had considered sending the man for some R&R, preferably somewhere far away from people that had no choice but to rely on him. But he was an excellent doctor, one of the few remaining ones that hadn't been lost or consumed by the war, and he couldn't afford the loss of such a precious resource. Still, the idea was pure lunacy. That was, until the good doctor had sent to him in Vancouver, where he was rebuilding the Alliance Command, Shepard's file and the incriminating two pages that were tacked onto the end.

As he read through the brief questionnaire for the first time, he felt the small droplets of nervous sweat bead on him and his hands almost shook at the implications that they were insinuating. The cold, gripping dread that had been nothing had turned into a rampaging beast within him by the time he reached the end. Outwardly he was calm as he put away the file carefully on his desk, but deep within, he knew he was shaking. And all this came from only a few short minutes of conversation.

"We have no god damned proof," he grated harshly as he slammed his already sore hand onto the table again. Steven Hackett was a tough man, aged wood that could weather a storm, but he didn't know if the consequences of this information would finally topple him over. He knew what he had to do, he had to find solid evidence to back it up, needed more than just hearsays and theories. Which is why he had sent out a call for anyone with information regarding the final push into the Beam.

The voice only terminal that was fixed to the side of his desk pinged and the voice of his secretary spoke up from it. "Admiral Hackett, sir? There's a Corporal Wilks here to see you. He says it has something to do with the request that you sent out two-"

"Send him in!" Hackett interrupted. He cleared his throat, trying to chase away the eagerness before continuing. "Tell the corporal to come right in, thank you."

"Yes, sir."

Several long moments later, a nervous and obviously exhausted young man trudged through the doors of Hackett's slightly ramshackle office. Resources were being allocated to search and relief efforts on his orders, and he didn't need a fancy office to convey his authority.

The other thing that Hackett noticed was that the man was missing an arm, and despite the uniform that draped loosely across his frame, he could see odd bits of padding along the man's torso, probably bandages. That wouldn't do, not at all.

"Corporal, is there any reason that you're here instead of recuperating in an infirmary?" Hackett barked, too tired to think if he was being too harsh with the younger man.

The man stumbled in surprise and snapped a sloppy salute at the Admiral before he stammered out, "Uh, I... sir! You asked for anyone with information about the final push in London, sir. I was in Major Coats's detail before the Catalyst fired. Sir."

A thrill of anticipation shot through Hackett. Finally, he'd get _some_ answers. He waved the corporal forward into the chair opposite him and moderated his tone before speaking.

"At ease, Corporal. I'm just worried about your well-being. Please, have a seat."

The man looked stunned at the request and once again Hackett cursed the inflexibility of military protocol. Before he could voice his displeasure however, the corporal overrode him, "Sir, I... I wasn't too badly wounded after... after everything and there are civilians who needed more attention than I did so..." The corporal trailed off, embarrassment tinging his words.

Hackett sighed wordlessly, considering the man before him in a new light. Another good man, so few that he knew personally, and the war had probably ruined him for life. Still, the core goodness remained.

Hackett waved forward more insistently before continuing, "Corporal Wilks. If you do not sit down in that chair and you collapse in front of me, not only will we lose valuable time in extracting the information you have for me, but Alliance brass would chew my ass off for mistreatment of a junior soldier. Do you understand me?" It had meant to come out as a very blunt joke, but Hackett was obviously very out of practice as the man stared wide-eyed at him for a moment longer. But he quickly recovered and seemed to consider for a moment before hastily pulling himself into the chair. Hackett was sure it was the idea of losing precious time that motivated the young man forward, rather than any calls for mistreatment.

"Now, start at the beginning and don't leave anything out."

*

The tires of the beat up old car squelched along the damp gravel as it ground to a halt. It had been surprising that it had gotten them this far, though Kaidan was doubtful if it would be able to carry them back for the return ride. It had been a difficult journey, to say the least, especially since they were trying to go _in cognito_ toward their destination. If anything, the hardest part had been trying to find a vehicle that wasn't under Alliance jurisdiction and hadn't been pressed into service.

Still, it had been worth it, just to see the gleam of joy in Shepard's eyes as they made their truant journey all the way to Vancouver, Canada. Kaidan would have to thank Miranda yet again for giving him the contacts of... opportunistic individuals who were willing to do as they were told, no questions asked.

It had been Kaidan's idea in the first place, a seed of an idea that had been planted so long ago during their brief moments of respite on the Citadel, and Shepard had finally brought up the question and asked if he would finally get to see the place that Kaidan grew up in. A few quick, innocent calls to his mother had been the last obstacle to tackle and they were off, caught up in the excitement of freedom and togetherness. Still, there had been something he had neglected to tell Shepard.

Shepard pulled open the side of his door roughly, the poorly maintained metal squealing against the support. Definitely needed a tune up if they were to make it back on time. Shepard groaned dramatically as he stepped away from the heap of rusted metal and knuckled the small of his back; he had been teasing Kaidan's driving skills throughout the journey and there had been some playful comparisons between that and the way Shepard had... 'steered' the Mako during their run against Saren and the Geth. Kaidan was frankly insulted, since the man drove almost as well as he could dance, which was not at all.

"How's the leg, John?" Kaidan inquired. Shepard hated being mothered and hovered over, but the journey had been long and bumpy.

Shepard waved away the question as he stood straighter, only leaning slightly against the short cane that they had procured in London from the hospital, a day before they had left without word. "Never better Kaidan."

The short reply wasn't like him at all and Kaidan could feel the innate worry about the man's condition flare through him. Shepard had been healing remarkably well and Kaidan thought that it was probably the conjunction between all the implants and improvements that Cerberus had built into him the first time as well as the first rate medical care he'd gotten by being the galaxy's hero. Nonetheless, Kaidan was grateful.

Knowing Shepard wouldn't appreciate anything being said about his condition, Kaidan instead turned to the back of the vehicle and grabbed the duffel that held both of their meagre belongings and clothing before stepping out as well, manhandling the door closed. He grinned at the man and teasingly offered Shepard his arm in a gentlemanly gesture, only to have him snort and move on his own toward the battered farm house that stood before them. Kaidan chuckled quietly to himself, he expected nothing less from the man.

He fell into step behind his lover and took the time to take in the familiar sights of home as they walked in amicable, comfortable silence. It had been a miracle, his mother had said, and upon first glance, Kaidan had to agree. It definitely had more wear and tear than the last time he'd seen it, though he couldn't say if it was from time or the war. The Reapers had targeted densely populated clusters and an orchard needed vast areas of isolated space, which had been convenient for his parents since they had always like the quiet. He noticed mysterious patches of dead grass and scorched earth sparsely dotted around the area and felt a frown forming on his lips. Even here, there had been some fighting.

The house was a neat, two-storey affair, with a small tool shed poking out just behind the area that Kaidan remembered as the kitchen. He'd clambered through that door muddy often enough, and had been caught and scolded more than often enough, to remember. Just behind, he could see the flat prairie as it led up to the entrance of the orchard, though from what he could see, most of the trees were bare and hadn't been looked after in some time. Well, there had been a war going on, he mused.

As the house drew nearer, Shepard dropped back to where Kaidan had been walking slowly, lost in his thoughts and placed a comforting arm over his shoulder, giving him a quick but reassuring squeeze. Kaidan turned and smiled at the man, bringing his free hand up to Shepard's hand draped over his shoulder and returned the gesture. No words were needed, at least not about what Shepard knew Kaidan was thinking.

"So. I'm a little nervous, Kaidan. I don't really handle authority figures well," Kaidan snorted at _that_ understatement but Shepard ignored it, "and that includes mothers and fathers. You, uh, you don't suppose they're going to grill me, do you? About everything? About us?"

Kaidan stumbled a little at that, trying not to make it seem obvious. Of course, Shepard caught on immediately.

"Uh... Kaidan? They _do_ know about us... right?" Shepard asked quietly.

Kaidan had to swallow before he could speak. "Ah, actually Shepard, my mom... She doesn't know that I, uh, that I like... men... as well." Kaidan stuttered hoarsely. Despite looking forward to this moment, he had been since he had found out his parents were both safe and well, he could feel himself slowing down his steps, furiously blushing at the admission.

Shepard pulled up short, the arm stopping Kaidan in his tracks as well. "You didn't tell them?"

Kaidan scoffed, "Tell them what John? That I liked men? John, my mom's part Japanese. I mean, you know, she's second gen here, but still, there's all this Asian cultural thing that's part of her. And my dad, well, he's military and he always wanted me to follow in his footsteps so..."

"You're half Japanese?" Shepard asked wonderingly.

Kaidan wanted to throw his hands up. Trust Shepard to pick up on _that_ small nugget of information over the major details. "Yes, Shepard," Kaidan affirmed with frayed patience.

Despite himself, Shepard winced at the shift in name. Kaidan knew he must have been more tense than usual over the whole affair if he slipped back into calling the man 'Shepard' instead.

"I- Look. John. Let me- Let me handle this alright? I'll tell her about us, you know I've waited so long just to _be_ with you. I wouldn't let something like this come between us."

"Yeah, alright. Well, you always did have a better mouth than me." Shepard winked at Kaidan while he simultaneously massaged the tense knot that had been forming in his shoulder.

Kaidan sputtered at the innuendo, "John... Let's keep conversation to, uh, topics outside the bedroom, okay?"

Shepard used his arm to move Kaidan up the steps and onto the porch, grinning widely as he said, "Well Kaidan, to be fair, the things that we've done _outside_ the bedroom are actually much more-"

Kaidan knocked on the door as loud as he could, interrupting the man and hoping Shepard would get the hint and stop talking before his mother or father opened the door.

"- like that time after Thessia? You really helped me work my 'stress' out. Or remember when we were stuck in that firefight and you were as raunchy as hell? You took-" The door latch clicked.

Kaidan had felt the blush on his cheeks as the words brought back the images from all the times that they'd coupled and just the thought of his parents overhearing that tidbit made him elbow Shepard harder than he intended, surprising a grunt out of him.

The door creaked open, revealing an older woman of roughly middling height, hair more frosted than Kaidan remembered, pulled back past her shoulders, like a dark, frothy waterfall. Kaidan had heard many times in his youth, people remark that he had his father's jaw and facial structure, but his eyes and lips belonged to Matilda Alenko, his mother.

Those same eyes squinted slightly against the light streaming in through the door, and as they adjusted, Kaidan saw recognition and tears dawn in her eyes.

"Mom," he whispered.

"Oh. Oh, my sweet Kaidan," she rushed forward and tightly hugged her son, the reedy strength in her arms conveying love and joy at their reunion. "Oh, Kaidan, you look so handsome." She broke away from the hug and her hands had begun to wander over his face, almost like she didn't believe that he was really there.

"Thanks, mom," Kaidan choked out, voice tight with emotion as he looked at his mother for the first time in a very long time, "I... How's dad? Is he home?"

Matilda pulled away, dabbing at her eyes with her fingertips as she replied, "Oh, your father is out in town again, picking up gossip and supplies. It's been such a long time, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, mom. Too long. I... I missed you too," Kaidan's mind swam with memories, of the nearby town that he had grown up in, the times spent in the orchard and with friends and family. Some of the best years of his life.

A slight cough intruded on the silence and Kaidan turned at the sound, he had almost forgotten that Shepard was standing next to him. Apparently, Kaidan's mother was much more discerning and had noticed Shepard just as Kaidan was about to introduce him.

"Oh, where are my manners? You both must have had such a long and tiring journey driving up here, and not only have I left you standing out in the cold, I didn't even realize you brought a friend, mister..." Matilda spoke up, still dabbing softly at the remaining moisture.

Kaidan tried to cover up a grin at that and he wondered if Shepard appreciated the irony of being ignored. When ever they were in discussions, Shepard was always the centre of attention, always the focus. It must have been refreshing for the man to finally be able to sit on the side-lines and watch the action unfold, at least Kaidan thought it would.

Shepard put on his most innocent smile, while nudging Kaidan with his elbow and introduced himself. "It's Commander actually, Mrs. Alenko. Kaidan and I both serve in the same vessel, though technically he works _under_ me."

Kaidan's eyes widened as his head whipped toward Shepard, murder shining in his eyes. He wanted to drag Shepard away from the door but Kaidan's mother was already stepping aside to let them in. "Commander is it? Well, Kaidan hasn't ever mentioned you in any of his correspondence back home," she glanced nervously at Kaidan before continuing. "Is it common for a commanding officer to be so close with the rest of his crew?"

Shepard took a step forward as he pasted a look of mock hurt made Kaidan want to grind his teeth. "He hasn't mentioned me at all? I'm hurt, truly. I'm close to all members of my crew Mrs. Alenko, we work as a single unit and social bonds help strengthen our effectiveness. Kaidan's a hell of a soldier, he's someone really quite _special_."

His mother's tinkling, soft laughter filled the air with agreement and Kaidan wondered at the amount of charm that practically oozed out of Shepard. He supposed getting into his mother's good graces was nothing compared to curing the genophage or ending the Quarian-Geth conflict, which made him wonder if Shepard intentionally stumbled verbally when he was around Kaidan.

"Yes, he really is. But I suppose mothers have to say such things about their children. I'm sorry commander, but I don't think I got your name..." Matilda continued, and Kaidan grinned inwardly. Shepard had avoided name dropping since he hated the awe and wonder that would follow with _that_ particular name. Kaidan was pleased to see his mother was still as sharp as ever and he followed along behind the two and left Shepard to cover his own tracks.

Shepard winced in response, but smoothly recovered. "I, uh, I don't mean to be rude Mrs. Alenko, but I really would just prefer Commander. It's almost like a first name for me anyway."

Matilda snorted, a delicate sound, before replying, "This isn't a military outpost, _Commander_ , though we have fine soldiers living under this roof. You won't get away that easily."

Shepard was starting to look panicked and turned to glance at Kaidan, mouthing " _What should I do?_ "

Kaidan shrugged casually and mouthed back, " _You're on your own._ " He grinned as Shepard narrowed his eyes at that.

Shepard huffed a breath, stalled, took a deep breath and realized that he'd have to come out with it sooner or later, so he bit the bullet and muttered almost inaudibly, "It's John. John Shepard."

Kaidan's mother stopped suddenly and turned to cast a wondering gaze at the man. There was silence as she stared at the galaxy's saviour, stuttering over his name, under her roof. It really was interesting.

"You're shorter than I imagined, Shepard," she said after she finished her inspection and Kaidan could almost hear the man's jaw drop. God, how he wanted to laugh. Kaidan's mother gave Shepard another quick up-and-down before turning back to lead them into the living room. "Definitely shorter. From the tales I've heard, I was expecting a giant of a man. You did a wonderful job by the way, thank you for that."

Kaidan felt something very much like a giggle building up inside him, but he had never giggled in recent memory and he wanted to savour this moment as much as possible without calling attention to himself so he clamped his lips shut. He wasn't sure which had stunned Shepard more, the description about his height or the cursory acknowledgement for the things he'd done and been through, but Kaidan knew he'd be teasing the other man about the height thing for as long as he could.

Kaidan walked past a still frozen Shepard and nudged him slightly, tilting his head to indicate he should keep going, and that was apparently enough to have the man stumble forward slightly, leaning heavier on his cane. Kaidan couldn't help the silly smile that had been on his face the whole time. The entire trip would have been worth it just to hear _that_ line from his mother and seeing _that_ reaction from Shepard. More than worth it.

"I hope you don't mind," Matilda called back from further ahead, "I've set up the guest bedroom on the lower floor. We're using the one upstairs as a storage room. We've still kept your old room upstairs though, Kaidan. Just like before."

All humour fled from Kaidan's face as the words reached him. Just like that, and he was reminded of what he had intended to unveil to his mother, about him and Shepard. It made it easier, he supposed, that his father wasn't around at the moment. It was a small, guilty feeling but he was always closer to his mother, since his father was away a lot for military reasons, and he was actually hoping she'd break the news to his father for him.

He'd actually spent the last three days coming up with and rehearsing things to say that would cleanly and painlessly show to his parents how much he cared for Shepard, loved the man, was happy with him and wanted nothing more than to build and share a life with a simple yet complex man. A _man_ who had captured his heart, had made him feel more human and alive than ever before and had returned that love and shown him a side to life he'd never knew existed.

The problem was, now that he was faced with the prospect, his mind was uncomfortably and silently blank.


	4. Something More

They sat nervously, Kaidan dry washing his hands as he tried to pull his thoughts free out of the snarled tangle of his mind. His mother had gone into the kitchen, probably with the intention of stuffing the two 'tired, unsung heroes of the galaxy' with more food than they could, in all probability, handle. He wanted to get up and pace but was afraid that with the amount of nervous energy that had built up in him, he'd be running laps around the living room and knocking over the carefully arranged fixtures. Which was probably not the best start to a conversation that he wasn't yet sure how to broach.

This couldn't be worse than the time his mother had cleaned his room out when he'd first been out to BAaT and she had stumbled across the small collection of faded smut magazines that featured all manner of galactic species in varying... 'scenarios'. Well, at least that was what Kaidan was trying to convince himself of anyway.

His eyes wandered aimlessly across the coffee table and his legs shifted nervously in remembrance of the hysterical tongue lashing that he'd gotten from his mother, how they had almost wanted to pull him out of BAaT for fear he'd be taken advantage of by some lecherous alien. He didn't even get the chance to tell them that they hadn't really belonged to him, that he had been holding it for Jane, their closest neighbour and his fellow classmate. He doubted that they would have believed it in any case and Jane had been furious with him for losing her mags.

Actually, Kaidan thought, this really wasn't helping him at all. He breathed a gusty sigh and almost jumped out of his seat when Shepard slipped his hand into Kaidan's and left it there, squeezing reassuringly. Kaidan turned slightly and gave the man a quick, grateful grin before he head the clatter of an approaching tray and accompanying cutlery. Shepard's hand seemed to FTL its way out of his grip and though he wanted to reclaim that simple touch, he could still feel the smallest warmth from their contact and he drew strength from that.

"Alright, boys! Here we go," came a voice from the kitchen.

Matilda Alenko appeared, precariously balancing a tiny tray filled with a piled up mountain of cut and prepared fruits, and despite the nervousness that filled his belly, Kaidan felt his mouth water at the sight. It had been too long since they'd had any chance of having fresh produce from Earth and the memories of his younger days in the orchards, plucking fruit off the trees and stuffing himself with them, made his stomach growl in approval. He was also pleased to hear and echoing rumble coming from Shepard's direction and wondered if there'd even be enough for the three of them.

Kaidan jumped up immediately, taking the tray away from his mother and gave her time to ease herself into the adjacent seat from the both of them. He snagged a peach and considered a moment before shrugging and plucked an apple from the pile, passing it over to Shepard. The man grinned with delight at the offering and immediately took a bite, juice trailing down his lips and over his fingers. Kaidan's eyes narrowed at the almost rapturous look that hovered over Shepard's face; how the hell did the man manage to look like _that_ eating fruit for god's sake?

Kaidan roughly plopped himself next to Shepard, eyeing the peach for a moment before taking a bite, closing his eyes as sweet, soft flesh willingly gave way to his hunger. He caught Shepard watching him out of the corner of his eye and wondered how far he'd have to go to-

"So, Kaidan," Matilda inquired, and Kaidan almost blushed at the fact that he'd almost forgotten that his mother was sitting there next to them.

Kaidan swallowed his mouthful of peach. "Uh, mom?"

"How has the Alliance been treating you? You look much thinner, are they pushing you too hard?" The questions burst from Matilda's lips and for a moment Kaidan was at a loss for words.

"Actually Mrs. Alenko," Shepard stepped in, "The Alliance has been treating us very well. Kaidan's just recovered from some injuries that he sustained during-"

"Injuries?!" Kaidan saw his mother swivel to face him and she turned a sharp and penetrating look at him that made him feel like he was twelve again. "You didn't mention any of that to me in your calls."

Kaidan could see the worry building up in her and shot Shepard a piercing look of disapproval, satisfied at the way the man flinched under the gaze. "I- Look, mom. It's fine, everything's fine. I mean, yeah alright, there were some minor scrapes here and there but I pulled through. Really." He even spread his arms out to the side, the universal sign for accepting scrutiny.

"Oh, Kaidan. You're always like that, telling people you're fine when you could be hurting inside. Remember that time with Rahna? You wouldn't talk to us for weeks. You kept telling us it was fine after that, but you didn't want to leave your room in any case," Matilda said, concern lacing her words.

"Mom, really. I-"

"You know what you need? You need a good woman to take care of you. Make sure you're looked after," she said we finality.

Kaidan had been dreading those words, felt his throat close up and go dry despite the fruit he'd been nibbling on. An accompanying snort and hacking cough sounded next to him as Shepard choked on a piece of apple and Kaidan tried to dodge the question by quickly turning to him and soothed his back. It wouldn't do anything to help with the coughing, but it gave him time to think.

"Uh, mom. Do we really have to talk about this now?" God, where was an intervention when he needed one?

Matilda jumped at the opening. "Yes Kaidan. You're building your career, getting your life on track but where's it leading you? You need a family, someone to come home to at the end of the day."

Shepard's coughing fit had ended and the pursed lips were a sure sign that he was trying desperately to hold back a smile. He looked up at Kaidan and gave him a slight, approving nod, encouraging him to take the plunge. Kaidan wanted so desperately to voice out his thoughts, wanted so much to just reach over and grasp Shepard's hand in his and just tell his mother that he already had someone like that, someone who had saved him from himself.

But nothing came out. Kaidan just stared at the floor, refusing to meet either his mom's or Shepard's eyes. He could feel them looking, feel their stares as they bore down on him, but he couldn't bring himself to look up for fear that either person might inspire the wrong answer.

_The wrong answer? Was there even a wrong answer?_

The silence was beginning to stretch and grow oppressive and no one else was stepping in to pull the conversation in another direction. He had to make a choice, acknowledge what he had with Shepard and justify what they'd been through or lie to his mother, possibly leading him for an even harsher fall sometime in the future when everything came out. Or he could just remain silent and hope that Kalros had managed to find her way into Vancouver and would give him a much needed diversion.

Kaidan felt a dull throb in his head. He felt like there was an arrow twirling around his head, oscillating between his two choices, and he feared he'd never get the reprieve he was looking for if he kept the silence. He'd have to make the choice. Memories of the last three years spurred him on. He had made the same mistake twice now. Never again.

"Mom, look. There's really no easy way to say this but I... I mean, John and I-"

 _Oh thank god!_ His omni-tool cut through his words in a glad shout and he almost bruised his arm trying to call up the device. Relief surged through him as the interface popped up. Well, he'd made his choice and hopefully his mom hadn't managed to pluck out anything more from-

"Alliance Systems, Priority three call from Admiral Hackett," the intercom voiced neutrally in his ear. Huh, that was strange, to say the least. He picked up the call as he gave Shepard and his mom a reassuring look before moving away from them.

"Major Alenko? We have a situation and need you to come in. Is Shepard with you?"

"Uh, Admiral. Situation? What's going on sir?" Kaidan stammered.

"Nevermind that for now Major. This channel is unsecure. We need you here in Vancouver ASAP."

 _Vancouver?_ Kaidan wondered. Well, what were the odds of that, though Kaidan had to ruefully curse the Alliance's constant need for them whenever something came up. While he was grateful for the interruption that the call had provided, he wondered what price he'd have to pay for actually picking it up.

"We'll be sending in a shuttle to pick you up from London," Hackett concluded.

"Sir, I, uh, actually I'm here in... Vancouver..." Kaidan muttered abashedly.

"You're in... Alright Major, ping me your location."

Kaidan fiddle with his omni-tool and activated the nav-system that would relay his location over to Hackett. Somehow, Kaidan wished deep down that the information would be lost enroute to the Admiral. There was a slight pause as Hackett passed the data over to someone, probably a comm specialist, and popped back into Kaidan's ear.

"Alright Major, I won't ask, you don't tell. We've got a shuttle inbound. It'll be there in thirty minutes."

For a moment, Kaidan wanted to tell the man that he was busy. Busy trying to stick the pieces of his life together and busy trying to get his family to accept Shepard into the fold. But he knew that so long as he was in the Alliance, he had to play according to their rules, and this was an institution that one couldn't just get up and leave from.

"I... Yes... sir," he said reluctantly. Kaidan moved to end the call and share the strange turn of events with the others when Hackett's voice broke through and sent an unnerving chill straight through him.

"And Major? What ever you do, no matter what happens, do _not_ let Shepard out of your sight. Hackett out."

*

Kaidan's mother had been beside herself at the news that they'd been called back by the Alliance brass and Shepard had to agree that it was a little inopportune. Not only did they, at the very least, deserve a moment of respite after everything that they'd been through but to be so hastily summoned back like a pair of hunting dogs rankled Shepard. It was probably one of the reasons that he hated politicians and people with an authoritative power, since they always believed that the world revolved around their every whims. Still, Hackett was a good man, and Shepard knew that the man wouldn't have tried to trace them and bring them in if it wasn't something extremely urgent.

He sat out on the porch with Kaidan, their meagre belongings in the duffel separating them, as they waited for the shuttle to arrive. He glanced over at the older man, watching as Kaidan's fingers dug into the old wood and absently picked at the frayed edges. Shepard knew that look, had seen it so often over the last few months, and wondered what his lover and partner was brooding about.

"Credit for your thoughts, Kaidan?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan started and turned a slow and lazy smile at Shepard that never failed to get his blood pumping. "John. If you're going to give me credits for my thoughts well, I hope you've brought a lot of them."

Shepard snorted. "I think we can keep the... bedroom thoughts out of this discussion. I think we could buy ourselves a house if those were worth their weight." Kaidan playfully shoved him and Shepard relaxed as they went back into routine, casual conversation and easy friendship. It was reassuring.

"I don't hear you complaining when I have... thoughts about the bedroom, John," Kaidan replied.

Now Shepard picked his way across the old, wooden slats as he looked down, trying to gather his thoughts and ask the right questions. It was a little strange, considering how organized his mind usually was, but whenever he was with Kaidan, it was like the man swamped his mind, completely shutting out everything else. Perhaps this was what it was like to be truly, deeply and utterly overcome with love. Shepard grinned at the thought, of him acting like some hormonal teenager. It was a strange feeling after all the death and pain he'd seen, though not entirely unwelcome.

"Well Kaidan, if that ever happens, please be sure to send me in for a brain scan."

"Ah, John. That wouldn't be a good idea, you know, they'll wonder what caused that empty space inside your head."

"Oh, ouch Kaidan. Low blow. It must be your-"

"Low blow? I'm sure I can arrange that, John."

Shepard felt heat tickling through his groin at the thought. "You're dodging the question, Kaidan."

"Hmm? What were you asking again?"

Too innocent, Shepard realized. Something definitely had the other man worried. It was time to do some careful digging.

"Kaidan, you know, about your mom and... well, you don't have to do that you know. For me, I mean."

Kaidan stared off into the distance, watching as the grass and trees shifted in unison. "Shepard, I... John. It's alright. You know, it's been three years. Three horrible years, and I've made so many mistakes during those times. About us."

"Kaidan..." John interrupted. They'd been through this during their frantic months before the end of the war.

"No, John, let me finish," Kaidan shot back.

"Yes, sir," Shepard muttered, barely audible.

Kaidan huffed a sigh, shifting to look deep into Shepard's eyes. Shepard knew he shouldn't have been, should have been used to it by now, but he was stunned by the strength of love and conviction that shone through the other man, tugging at Shepard's heart  and mind.

"John, I told you that I've...well, I've made a lot of mistakes. You know, there was a time when... I couldn't even think of anything but you. But I didn't do anything about it. I, uh, I'm a sentinel John. Control and strength. Holding the line. And, well, it was something that always kept me going, through everything that's always been thrown at me. But now? Now, I guess, I've got you for that."

Shepard felt his throat tighten and his eyes sting. Dammit, it really was cold and dry here in Canada.

Kaidan continued, "It's just that, it's just hard, John, you know? Giving up parts of yourself that you've spent so long building up, that you've forgotten how to be anything else. And then you come along, and I... I want to be more for you, John. I want to be everything, like you were for me. Huh, sometimes I wonder what you saw in me, like I was some damaged soldier trying desperately to, uh, you know, fix himself."

Shepard's hand reach up of it's own volition to stroke the sides of Kaidan's face, feeling the warmth there as Kaidan tugged it against his cheek and buried a kiss in that warm comfort.

"I... I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I love you John Shepard. And I- I'm not going to make the same mistakes I made before. Never again, John. We've been through hell and back, and it would be kind of pointless if I could do that and, uh, you know, not be able to follow you to heaven and earth." Shepard saw the heat rising in Kaidan's face as the sentimental heartfelt words poured out, but they didn't seem awkward to him. They were perfect.

Shepard leaned forward, bringing up his lips, hot with desire, and kissed Kaidan softly, longingly and lingered there as Kaidan returned the gesture. Shepard placed his forehead gently against Kaidan's closing his eyes in pure bliss, enjoying the moment.

"I love you Kaidan," Shepard whispered.

"I'll never leave you again, John," Kaidan returned.

_Sacrifice. Synthesis. Control. Destroy. Kaidan._

_What?_

Shepard pulled away from the embrace, bringing up a hand to his temple that had, for a moment, sent a searing bolt of pain through his head. His eyes were screwed shut, his mind trying to work around the lingering after effects and Shepard ground down, trying to remember what those words meant to him. It tickled the back of his memory, stirring up... something.

"John, the shuttle's here," Kaidan's voice intruded. He had turned away from Shepard when he had pulled apart and Shepard guessed that the other man thought he was coming up at the hum from the shuttle as it approached. Shepard quickly brought his arm down before Kaidan could take note, refusing to ruin the moment with Kaidan, would have hated for the other man to worry over his condition when he was getting better and stronger each day. At least, that was what he was feeling.

Kaidan stood and shifted the duffel, adjusting it against his back and shoulder as he strode forward towards the slowly descending craft. Shepard strode forward carefully, letting the shearing wind flow past him as the vehicle bumped itself onto terra firma. The door slid up and to the side, revealing a large suit of dark armour, glinting in the soft Canadian sunlight.

"Hey, Loco! Major!"

"James?" Shepard whispered wonderingly as Kaidan blurted out at the same time, "Lieutenant Vega?"

The man was still as huge as ever, judging from the bulk of his armour as it shifted when he moved down, and his keen eyes still held a puppy dog intensity that Shepard had found endearing eventually, after they'd been in the thick of battle and the hero worship had mellowed down. However, he was sporting a new scar on his jaw, just below his ear, and had the makings of what looked like a goatee framing his chin.

"James!" Shepard said, stepping forward to shake the other marine's hand, "What the hell are you doing here?" and Shepard heard a muffled, "What is he doing here?" from Kaidan's general direction.

The happy giant grinned down at him, looking slightly over eager, as he replied, "What does it look like Loco? I'm your escort to HQ. You get hit in the head pretty hard?" James waggled his brows suggestively and hooked his chin at Kaidan's approaching form, "Or maybe the Major's got you thinking of something else, no?"

Shepard smiled at the way Kaidan was trying to sputter through a retort and decided it would be best if their reunion didn't begin with a verbal jousting.

"Well, Lieutenant, escort away," Shepard said, waving the man back into the shuttle.

James grinned that cocky grin before sloppily saluting, "Aye aye, Commander, sir."

The sunlight winked out as the door slid shut behind Kaidan, temporarily causing black spots to swim before Shepard's eyes as he adjusted slowly to the dimmer lighting of the shuttle's interior.

"Whoa there Loco, you better not fall over during my watch. The Admiral'd grill my Hispanic ass if you came back with us in less than one piece."

"Really Mr. Vega? I didn't know that the Admiral had a thing for your ass," came a deep, cultured voice from the stern.

"Steve?" Shepard had been expecting that, but still it was damned good to hear the man's voice.

"At your service, Commander Shepard," came Steve's reply from the miniature cockpit at the same time James muttered, " _Ah_ _Dios_ , _eso fue un error_."

Steve hazarded a laugh at the marine's expense and turned his attentions back to the dust-off procedures. "Alright gentlemen, if you'll all take your seats, we'll be back to Alliance HQ in... thirty-four minutes. Maybe a little more if Mr. Vega decides to start playing air stewardess and roam around the cabin."

" _Chupame los huevos, Esteban,_ " James growled, earning another deep throaty chuckle from the man up front.

"With pleasure, _Mister Vega_."

During the banter, Shepard had sat down next to Kaidan, watching wonderingly as the two friends chattered away and exchanged words. Shepard felt like something had gone whooshing past his head, and wondered if he was overthinking things. He'd been so driven during his mission, so focused on a single goal that he hadn't had time to take in the nuances of his crew. Maybe he should have set up his omni-translator to Earth languages as well, just so he could eavesdrop, though he felt strangely guilty about the idea. He wondered if-

Kaidan nudged him slightly and turned to whisper softly in his ear, "I, uh, I think we're seeing the makings of a beautiful, ah, 'friendship' here, John." Shepard watched with widened eyes as James moved forward and leaned against the back of Steve's chair, laying huge hands gently, almost tenderly, on the pilot's shoulders. A lingering, soft touch, and then they were pulled away as James came back up to the main compartment.

Shepard swivelled his head away quickly, hoping that the other man didn't think he was prying, and stared instead at Kaidan who was wearing a very satisfied and smug smile. His eyes followed James as the marine seemed to bounce around the space like a hyperactive space hamster and Shepard felt tired just watching him.

Shepard faced Kaidan fully, twisting his body so that he could look at the man without letting James see and mouthed quietly, _How the hell did you know?_

Kaidan must have understood because he shrugged non-committedly and whispered, "I pay attention, John. It was... well, I guess you could say it was bound to happen. I mean, didn't you ever wonder why they were _always_ in the cargo bay?"

Well, now that he thought about it... "Let's just hope they didn't do anything on my rifle bench," Shepard muttered under his breath, earning him a stifled snort from Kaidan.

Shepard turned back to face James, who had finally leashed back his energy and had sat down opposite from them, but next to the shuttle's doors. Shepard could feel the slight pull of momentum and knew that they were already speeding on their way.

Shepard scrutinized the grinning marine before venturing a question. "So James. Any idea why we're being called in?"

James leapt at the opportunity to expend more energy, practically shouting, "I don't know, Loco. Maybe they need you to save the day again?" Shepard hid a smile. Definitely something here that had made James Vega a very, very happy man.

Shepard felt Kaidan squeeze his hand protectively and he returned the comfort. He couldn't resist digging a little deeper though.

"Hmm. You seem, different James. Anything I should know about?"

James blinked, his face contorting hilariously as the thoughts crashed in his head. "Uh, different Loco? What'd be different? I don't know, maybe it's just damn good to see you moving around? After, what, months?"

"Well..."

James was shifting nervously now, and it always amazed Shepard at how easily he could pull the huge man off-balance, literally and figuratively.

"Are you sure there's nothing... else, Lieutenant?"

James was trying too hard to come up with a deflection and was saved by Steve's laugh coming from the front. "I think what the Commander is trying to ask, Mr. Vega, is whether you've become a happier man because of... someone special?"

James blushed ferociously, the tan skin making it less obvious than it should have been as he swung his head and grinned bashfully. "Uh, yeah... I guess you could say that, Loco."

"Hmm. And would that person be driving us to HQ right about now?"

James popped up from his seat in what seemed an angry gesture, but Shepard knew from the silly grin that James was turning nervous energy into movement. He'd done it often enough on the Normandy. "Ah, _mierda_. Alright, Loco. You got me."

Frankly, Shepard wasn't surprised it had taken this long, knowing what a private man the Lieutenant was, especially about his private life. Well, Shepard understood _that_ sentiment and didn't want to embarrass the other man anymore. Kaidan, on the other hand...

"Ah, so, Cortez," Kaidan spoke up, "how did you finally get Vega to, uh, see reason?"

Steve's laugh echoed through the cabin and Shepard was at least glad to see that the other man had a reason to laugh more, especially after everything the man had been through.

"Well Major, if you have to know-"

"No, you _pendejo_! Don't say it!" James leapt toward the narrow doorframe that lead to the cockpit, jamming himself into the small space almost as if he were hoping that his bulk would block the words and stop them from reaching Kaidan.

"-remember when my shuttle crashed in London?" The words slid around the marine like water, "I was pinned down and couldn't make it out, back to forward base? Well, after you found Shepard, Mr. Vega here scoured the area, working his ass to the bone looking for me. He almost carried me to the medical tent before the other first responders stopped him, which was a good thing since he collapsed right after they took me away from him."

Shepard was enjoying the retelling, especially as James tried to expand his bulk around the doorframe and kept muttering words under his breath that sounded like threats.

"He kept coming by everyday and tried to find every excuse he could to stay with me. He even tried to get me transferred to another medical facility, but there were just so many other people who were even worse off. So he stayed, and kept bringing in food for me that he'd cooked, and at one point the nurses had to chase him away since he wouldn't let them scan them for contaminants..."

James was blushing even more deeply now, if that were even physically possible, and he could hear the muffled tremors as Kaidan tried to hold back his laughter. Shepard wondered if Kaidan had experienced something similar, especially when he'd heard of the nurses refer to him as the 'reclusive hermit Major'.

"...and when I finally got out, I kept pestering him about staying with me. He kept dodging the question and said he'd found a place for me to stay and recover. He said he wanted to stay with me and protect me from all the-"

"Argh!" James practically yelled. He spoke up over the pilot's reminiscing, speaking loudly over Steve's quiet humour. "Okay, I'll tell the Major. You're making this even more sappy than it was, Esteban."

"Am I, Mister Vega?"

"Anyway! So yeah, London was falling apart around us right? And there were all these _loco_ people, scavenging and trying to loot survivors from the war. So, you know, I couldn't let our _only_ Kodiak pilot get stabbed in the back, right after I pulled him out of the ground."

"Why James, I didn't know you cared," Steve piped up from behind the man.

And there it was, thought Shepard. The small thread of love that wound its way around that name. It was something that he was becoming familiar with, especially recently, and it pleased him to know that his friends were finding the same thing that he'd found with Kaidan.

"So there was this gang, probably ex-mercs from the way they handled themselves and we were about to..."

Shepard trailed off, watching as Jame's excitement built up during the retelling, which was slightly more action-oriented than Steve's had been, though Shepard wasn't surprised. Kaidan was actually leaning forward in his seat, a curious and pleased look on his face as he listened to the words, words of reunion and hope. It was something that Kaidan could empathize with, Shepard was sure, that all of them could, considering the similar circumstances they'd all experienced.

Shepard listened absently as he moved his free hand into his pocket, fingering the small, smooth band of metal that he'd hidden on himself when they had packed their things for Vancouver. He had always checked to make sure it was there during their trip, and just touching it sent a jolt of joy through him. He had planned to do it, when they were alone, living in the place where Kaidan had grown up, but it didn't really matter. It was something more, a symbol, that was meant for him and the man he loved. No one else.

*

Kaidan strode through the battered, rebuilt walls of the Alliance Headquarters and felt memories cascade through him over a similar time when he'd walked these same halls not too long ago. Shepard had been walking away from him then, and there had been an agonizing chasm between them, one that he had feared would never be bridged. Things were so much different now, so much better, and it felt right to walk this way in the company of friends rather than with the suspicion of doubt implanted into them.

There were still scorch marks and gaping holes in some areas, despite the months of labour and the extensive resources that had been pumped into the reconstruction project, though it made sense especially since this was one of the areas that had been hit hardest when the Reapers had invaded Earth. Decapitation, it had been called before, removing the command structure of any organization essentially rendered it useless.

Shepard was still amicably chatting with James and Steve, still searching for details about their brief courtship and Kaidan could hear the appreciative sounds and sniggers that were coming from their direction and smiled to himself as he left them to it. Shepard had always been a charismatic speaker, always asking questions and digging for hidden nuggets of information, something that Kaidan knew he wasn't very comfortable with. He wasn't introverted by any means, but he admitted that he often lacked social communication skills and found it easier to just remain quiet and observe. That was of course, until he'd met John Shepard, who brought out a side to him that he never knew existed.

They walked past teams of builders and engineers and entered the office wing that had been one of the first areas to be restored. It still had a long way to go, definitely needed a lot more spit and polish before it shone, but for now it served as the most stable base for the re-emerging Alliance chain of command.

Shepard quickened his pace and caught up to Kaidan, breathing slightly heavier than usual and Kaidan automatically slowed his pace so that the other man could maintain the speed and not be out of breath. Kaidan disliked the idea of Shepard being so vulnerable, but he had to admit, it was an astoundingly fast pace of recovery, just like everything else about the man. James kept pace with Shepard and walked up next to him, still chatting about the construction efforts that had been taking place, the new N7 structure that they were forming and a lot of other interesting tidbits that Kaidan picked up and filed away.

Kaidan didn't have any illusions though. He knew why James was there, a gut feeling that didn't feel out of place the more he considered it. They were friendly faces, meant to put both of them at ease and lower their guards down, while serving as an armed escort. James was armoured like they were pushing for the Beam and he carried an assault rifle strapped to his back while Steve was packing a pistol that looked out of place against his waist. Standard procedure it appeared, except that Steve very rarely went about armed, especially during times of supposed peace. Well, except for that time when they'd all ganged together to take out Shepard's clone in the archives.

Combined with Admiral Hackett's desperate and secretive call, Kaidan knew that something big was centred around his lover, and he'd be damned if he just stood there and let them do that to him, after all he had done for the galaxy.

They halted as they approached Hackett's office, the holo-plaque outside signifying its owner and occupant to the world. Kaidan paused briefly as he took a breath, trying to control the mixed feelings that rushed through him. God, how he wished he could just grab Shepard's hand and ground himself. Or at the very least, just grab Shepard and make a run for some far away system where they'd never be found. Kaidan thrust such foolish musings away from himself; he was Alliance, and he was a soldier. It had been ingrained in all of them, and even for humans, programming was damn hard to circumvent.

James stepped up and triggered the door, stepping into the small, rebuilt space as Steve brought up their rear. Kaidan took in the room as he spun crisply to face the man sitting behind the desk. He was pleasantly surprised. The room was spartan and functional, nothing ostentatious and the walls weren't even properly layered yet, the window frames still covered in their protective films.

Admiral Steven Hackett sat wearily at his desk, eyeing the small troupe that had walked into his domain and watched as James saluted him. Shepard and Kaidan were a moment behind and from the rustle coming from behind, so was Steve. Ingrained programming indeed.

"Sir! Lieutenant Vega, reporting," James snapped crisply.

"At ease, Lieutenant," Hackett answered, dropping his hand in a rush. He glanced over at all of them. "At ease, all of you. I'd rather not stand on ceremony here."

"Sir," they replied in varying degrees, and all of them relaxed slightly where they stood.

Hackett turned once more to James, taking in Steve in the process. "Lietuenant Vega. Flight Lieutenant Cortez, you're both dismissed. I'll speak to you both later about your new assignment."

The two men saluted Hackett once more before stepping out into the hallway, James especially casting an inquisitive glance in their direction.

"Shepard," Hackett began, "It's good to see you up and about."

Shepard smiled humourlessly at the statement. "Yes, sir. You and me both."

Hackett sighed as he sat himself back down, looking more tired than Kaidan had remembered seeing before. It tightened the dread in his stomach that whatever was plaguing the man must have been dire.

"You know Shepard, it's been hard for all of us, especially during the rebuilding. There was just so much to do, and with most of our military command decimated during the war..."

Shepard stepped forward, cane tapping on the metallic floor. "Admiral, I understand."

Hackett's eyes blazed as he looked up and Kaidan was surprised at the resentment there. "Do you Commander? The galaxy owes you a great debt, especially everyone here on Earth. I just... I just wish that I could have had more time, maybe visited you while you were recovering. I was hoping to get you transferred to a facility here in Vancouver, but with so many injured already filling our centres here..."

At last, Kaidan understood. Hackett wasn't upset with Shepard. He was mad at himself. For not doing enough for the man who had done too much, for all of them. Kaidan could definitely empathize.

Hackett cleared his throat roughly before continuing, seeming uncertain of what he wanted to say. "I suppose, I just wanted you to know Shepard... I want to say, thank you for everything. It really has been an honour."

Shepard seemed just as taken aback as Kaidan was, but he recovered with characteristic alacrity, walking up to the desk and shaking the Admiral's hand. "Likewise sir. It's been a hell of a ride."

"That it has son, that it has," Hackett replied and Kaidan swore, for just an instant, that a shadow passed over Shepard's face, though the more he considered it, the more he thought it was just his imagination.

Hackett stood up promptly, causing Shepard to step back. "Now, I'm sorry Shepard but we'll... catch up later. I've got some pressing matters to discuss with the Major."

That caught them both by surprise and Kaidan and Shepard glanced at one another in shock before turning back to the Admiral. Normally, Shepard was allowed access to the most private and restricted data the Alliance had a hand in, and that Hackett wanted to speak to Kaidan personally had been a double surprise. He had assumed he was contacted because the Admiral wanted to speak to Shepard.

The hesitation must have shown as Hackett paused for a moment before speaking up. "Don't worry Commander, you'll hear about it later, I promise. I have a new assignment for Major Alenko, and I'd like to hear his input concerning a few... personal matters before we can proceed forward."

Shepard shrugged discreetly before saluting and stepping away, sharing a brief, knowing glance with Kaidan before he moved out of sight. Kaidan was sure that it probably had to do with their relationship and the issue about fraternization, especially if they were both to return to active duty. While the army was willing to accept marriage and partnerships between individual soldiers, they frowned upon the potential havoc that it could cause if a social breach affected a military decision.

Kaidan guessed that Shepard had reached the same conclusion, and while they had bent some rules, they were hardly ones that would have had a drastic enough consequence on the war. Put bluntly, Kaidan thought, the Alliance didn't have anything to pin on them. He felt the tension ease out of him as he came to believe the issue, sure that he was right.

Hackett watched as the door slid shut behind Shepard, observing and scrutinizing the man as he moved away from them and joined James and Steve who were waiting in the hallway for their own... discussion with the Admiral. Maybe it was the same issue, Kaidan thought and he'd been over thinking things again.

Hackett turned tired eyes to him as he stood there and he seemed to be wrestling with himself about something.

"Major Alenko, I... There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to put it bluntly."

"Uh, yes sir?" Kaidan swallowed his nervousness.

"Major, I... We believe that the Commander... We believe that Shepard is indoctrinated." Hackett announced in a funeral voice.

Kaidan felt something soft tear through his chest and felt a heavy weight slam into the base of his skull, an oppressive weight that stilled his mind and tripled his heart beat. _No, it wasn't possible._

"I know what you're thinking Major. Hell, it took me a lot of digging and convincing. I have the proof here," Hackett said as he lifted a thick folio of papers that had been resting on his desk. Hackett's voiced turned sad. "I know what he means to you and I know what you mean to him. I'm sorry, but I had to let you know."

 _No. No, no no NO!_ Kaidan wanted to scream, to shout, to laugh at the absurdity of the statement. It was ridiculous. Shepard _couldn't_ be indoctrinated. He _couldn't_. A sharp throb signalled a migraine starting to bloom in his head. How damn wonderful.

"I'm sorry Major," Hackett replied in the same tone, and Kaidan was hating the man for it, "We're going to need to take him into custody. I need you to stay calm and rest assured, we're going to do everything we can, run every test we can think of to find out about it and cure him."

Kaidan finally found his tongue, still and dead in his mouth and he felt the thunder in his chest, the way his throat constricted and his temple throb, and didn't trust himself with speaking, knowing he'd do something he'd _definitely_ regret later on.

Shepard was indoctrinated. The mere thought sent a wave of numbness through him and he staggered forward to grab the file and spit on the information inside, to tear it up and erase it from reality. All he succeeded in doing was to stumbled into the chair in front of him and grasp it as tightly as he could, his legs barely holding it up, as the Vancouver sun seared into his eyes and pain crowded away every other thought in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the big reveal. Bacon, congratulations! 
> 
> It took longer than I expected. I'm sorry, I was really busy and kept getting side-tracked in real life and in the story. So! Firstly, please forgive me if my screwed up the Spanish. I know next to NOTHING about that wonderful, sexy language. It took a bit of research, so maybe the lexis or semantics might not be right. If you want me to correct anything, please let me know in the comments and I shall do so. Immediately.
> 
> Also, go to youtube. Type in 'Mass Effect Indoctrination Theory Documentary". There should be around 3 videos:
> 
> [Here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CKHLDgz2zE), [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDGAnsVOb-M) and [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeJkR683Sas)
> 
> Each is about an hour and a half long. Those were my inspiration for this novel. While I don't personally subscribe to the concept, I found the deviation fascinating. It'll really blow your mind out of the water. But it may contain some spoilers that I'll be touching upon in my text, nothing major, but if you don't even want to touch on that, just wait a few more chapters. Then you can go ahead. :D


	5. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive in game references and spoilings. I'm sorry, but it was the only way. You can go ahead and watch the documentaries now... I think I've mentioned everything I had to. Thank you.

The figure stalked silently along the rooftop. Its mind had been pleasantly blanked of all intruding and distracting thoughts, something that its master had enforced. Which was especially convenient during a mission as critical as this and the figure crouched low in the fading twilight, every muscle still and silent. Its master would have been so proud, if pride were anything it could express.

It had never been to Earth before, though it had heard stories when it had been growing up, in the life it had left behind. It was always a key point, a focus for every other development that had arisen outside of the Sol System and it was something that the figure knew that it would have enjoy. But there was no joy, there was no appreciation. Only the satisfaction of accomplishing its mission and basking in what passed for its master's approval.

The twilight faded into true night, deep tones painting the sky in vivid hues. Its enhanced optics could pick out the different spectrums of light as they shifted across the sky, sublime beauty transformed into cold mathematics. It held its position, minutely shifting and flexing its muscles enough that circulation would be maintained without any effect on its mobility.

There were no distractions, no interruptions and the figure barely registered the moving creatures that passed under it, just enough to note that they hadn't noticed its presence. That was enough, it thought, as the lights within the building winked out, one at a time. Time;it knew the concept and didn't feel any inclination towards speed or slowness where it was involved. It merely waited, patient.

The internal systems in its heads ticked down the minutes, the intel about its target's activities seared into the fore of its brain. As minutes disappeared and the gap closed, it leaned forward slightly, taking note of the few remaining lights shining through the gaping holes in the wall.

It unlimbered its extremities and sent a slight pulse of adrenaline coursing through its system, increasing the sense of awareness and feeling to appropriate levels for a quick response. It carefully and meticulously picked its way down, the matte black suit it wore absorbing light and shielding it from prying eyes.

There. The side of the building, one of the wings where its target was cloistered away. It was the only source of light in the entire area, just as its intel suggested, and it placed hands and feet, slowly, agonizingly shifting along the wall as it fixed itself toward its destination.

It stopped, just beside the window, barely breathing as its fingers gripped the small cracks and raised ridges in the walls, something that no living creature should have been able to do. It was a testament to the figure's superior design and it silently praised its master for such a boon. It allowed its enhanced senses to reach out, could smell the sharp blade of disinfectants, the stink of worry and dread and hear the soft rustling of cloth on delicate skin.

It paused, waiting. No other sounds, no conversations and no repetitive noises to indicate that there was another silent heartbeat waiting to be stilled. It grinned wolfishly at the thought. It flexed the individual muscles in its fingers and toes, shifting its weight across on those mere digits alone and poked enough of its head through to scan its target, quickly pulling back.

Good. He was there, sitting with his back to the window. It wondered with something akin to amazement why any species would want to do so, leaving their backs open and exposed toward an unknown and empty space. Perhaps they were so aloof and confident, believing that they could be safe after everything they'd been through. Well, it would severely disabuse them of that notion. Repeatedly, if it were necessary.

There was a hum as the figure sped through the empty air, carefully aware to make sure no part of its body touched anything during its short and brutal flight. It landed, as it calculated, right behind the target, the soles of its boots barely disturbing the grains of dirt that ran along the floor. With a sickeningly, wet snap, it stared into the dimming eyes of the man as the flailing neurons tried to connect to spinal column that wasn't there any more. It watched with detached fascination as the light behind those eyes fizzled and died.

 _Successful termination,_ the figure thought to itself. It dropped the already cooling body and was gone and out through the window before the twisted, mangled corpse hit the desk.

*

Shepard folded his arms casually across his chest, though anyone who knew him well enough knew that it wasn't a sign of relaxed consideration. It was a sign of building impatience.

The man opposite from him had his name glued onto a cheap, plastic security card. Doctor Hanson, Psychiatrist.

"Commander, are you comfortable? Would you like something to drink perhaps?" the man asked him.

He hated psychiatrists. They weren't all bad, he understood that and wasn't prejudiced against them in any way, he just didn't like the way they wanted to probe and stick fingers into people and draw out deep, painful memories. Added to the fact that it was the psycho-analytic evaluations after the Alpha Relay incident that had incarcerated him, so excuse him for not feeling particularly joyful at the prospect.

"I'm fine, doctor," he said tersely, letting some of his impatience bite through.

Doctor Hanson nodded succinctly, all business as he smoothed the files in front of him and adjusted his data-pad to record the interview and transcribe it as text in the process.

"Now, Commander," the doctor began reassuringly, "I know that this must be difficult for you, but I need you to tell me everything you can about your last few hours, before the end of the Reaper War. As much as you can remember."

_Sacrifice. Synthesis._

_Control. Destroy._

_Kaidan._

The cold whisper faded in his mind even before he registered its presence, leaving an impression of... something in its wake as he struggled to consider the question.

 _You're damn right it's difficult,_ Shepard all but spat out, but instead he took calm deep breaths and tried to arrange the thoughts in his head into a timeline. He wasn't sure if he should have been surprised or not at how difficult it was to pick through the haze in his mind.

Shepard twisted his head slightly, considering the 'mirror' that was facing his back. It itched, knowing that he had his back turned on a potential avenue of attack, and in a situation like this, he wasn't surprised that he was feeling paranoid and threatened. Still, he knew the purpose of the 'mirror' and was well aware that Kaidan was on the other end, watching his every move and straining to hear his words.

"There... we had just taken out a Reaper Destroyer, and were grouping for the final push into the beam..."

*

Kaidan sat, facing Admiral Hackett, though he had to admit that his eyes shifted every once in a while to Shepard who was sitting mostly oblivious to their presence in the adjoining room, arms folded across his chest. Shepard's back was turned to him through the glass, though a brief glance back suggested that the man knew he was being observed from behind a barrier of thrice-damned bulletproof glass.

Kaidan was loath to look down at the incriminating pages before him, didn't even want to accept that they even existed and coupled with the gnawing throb in his head, he knew he was in a foul mood.

"Major, what can you tell me about the final push into the Beam? What do you remember?" Hackett asked tiredly.

"Ah, am I under suspicion as well, sir," Kaidan blurted out and cursed his lack of control.

Hackett's eyes narrowed at the tone and he all but snapped out, "Everyone who was part of the ground assault is under suspicion, Major Alenko. Anyone who's been in god damn contact with the Reapers is suspicious enough! Hell, the entire crew of the Normandy has been near enough Reapers for the last three years that I should be keeping you _all_ under lockdown! Now answer the question, Major."

Kaidan glanced briefly at the spot on the table that was between himself and the pistol that was strapped to Hackett's hip. He looked back up and noted the frayed patience that was barely hanging on by a thread and knew that the man would use the weapon without hesitation if it came down to it.

"Sir," Kaidan began haltingly, "Commander Shepard, Garrus Vakarian and I were rushing down towards the beam. Ah, Harbinger appeared as we were running for the target and began firing at us, presumably to keep us from reaching our goal."

_Burned, charred bodies tumbled in the air. Beams lancing through the air, no respite and no hesitation, as waves of bodies and metal were turned into sifting ash. The ground, cracked and seared, molten from the force._

"One of Harbinger's beams struck a Mako transport, and John... the Commander dove for cover behind it, sir. We, Garrus and I, we were behind, and Harbinger struck out at a Mako in front of us, sending it over the barricade and into our path."

"Harbinger shot a Mako in _front_ of Shepard?" Hackett asked, though Kaidan couldn't tell from the man's tone what he wanted him to say.

"I... Yes, sir. It, uh, it nearly smashed on top of us, and the resulting explosion sent shrapnel and debris everywhere. Garrus and I were both injured in the blast, though I, uh, I didn't have enough time to jump as far as he did. Sir." It was a humbling truth, something he hadn't wanted to admit to anyone. That he was so consumed with worry at the sight of Shepard, bracing himself against the downed Mako, that he didn't even think of looking up until Garrus had yelled at him.

Hackett waved away the thought, "Go on."

Kaidan took a breath before stumbling onward. "Jo-, the Commander, saw us go down, sir. He back tracked, saw that we weren't in any shape to continue on with the push, and he, uh, radio-ed the Normandy for a pick up."

_The pain swallowed him, the tiny bits of metal piercing through his ineffectual armour and the larger chunk sending radiating tendrils of agony through his hips and thigh. The worry as Shepard shouted his name and vaulted over the downed Mako immediately, using his enhancements to their full effect. The warm blood pooling on the ground, tiny flames of ash cooling on the red splatters._

_The Normandy, like an angel from above, gleaming and pristine, untouched, landing several meters away. Garrus, tough bastard that he was, ahead of them, using the last of his strength as he raced for the haven as marines poured out. Kaidan, leaning heavily against his love, panting heavily and feeling vulnerable and light headed. The pain wouldn't stop._

Hackett nodded, probably since most of this had been in the debriefing Kaidan had filed after Shepard had been found.

"I... I wasn't in any shape to continue sir, and we, John and... We said our goodbyes. Told me he was going to go on, that we, uh, he had to end this. Finish this once and for all," Kaidan stammered, feeling sorrow constrict his throat in remembrance of the moment when he had thought he'd lost Shepard again, for good this time. That the man who had raised him up and made him feel things no one else had inspired in him before was rushing headlong to die, alone.

_"Shepard!" Kaidan had all but begged, desperate worry making him hoarse._

_"You gotta get out of here." No hesitation, no emotion. Nothing but the mission._

_Kaidan was breaking, breaking so painfully at the thought. Couldn't let the man do this alone and couldn't let the man's last thoughts be of everything else except him._

_"Please, Shepard... Don't... Don't leave me behind." It was a purely selfish gesture on his part, and he knew if their roles were reversed, he'd never have let Shepard go in with him. But he wasn't, he couldn't._

_"Kaidan," Shepard had said, almost too soft to pick out among the explosions and screaming wails, but Kaidan would always remember that voice, the way it sent his name to him like a sweet caress. Like a promise. He watched with hope as Shepard walked up to him even as his heart flailed in the confines of his chest as it shuddered and wept._

_"No matter what happens... Know that I love you. Always." The soft, light touch on his cheek was almost eclipsed by the hundred stabbing needles in his body, but it was there, and it gave him the strength he needed to accept. To send the man off to die._

_"I.. I- I love you, too," he could barely get the words out, his throat choked from the tears, and hated his weakness. Cursed getting hit by the blind stupidity. And hated how he had felt like he was saying 'goodbye' instead of 'I love you'._

_"Come back to me, John. Please, I need you back," he had whispered deliriously, but the clog in his throat preventing it from coming out more than a whispered mewl. He had to say something, anything, that wasn't a goodbye. He had to give the man a reason to survive. But his body betrayed him._

_Tears rimmed his eyes, blurring the last vision that he'd had of Shepard, waving them back into the safety of Normandy's cargo bay as he turned to fight the fight, alone. It had been too much, the physical and emotional toll was beginning to shut his body down, but Kaidan hadn't cared. He barely knew where he was placing his feet as Garrus exhaustedly dragged him up, as he muttered 'John' over and over until darkness claimed him._

Kaidan felt tears sting as the memories were yanked from the dark corner of his mind where he'd buried them. It had been too much, then, and it wasn't much better even months after everything had ended and knowing that Shepard was alive. He blinked quickly, trying to will the moisture away as he cleared his throat roughly, not trusting his voice to break as it had back then in front of the Admiral.

"Take your time, son. It's alright," Hackett said softly.

"I... Yes, sir." Kaidan surreptitiously turned his head away and used the heel of his hand to quickly wipe away the offending tears and cleared his throat again before taking several deep breaths, trying to get himself under control.

"I, uh, I blacked out and woke up in the med-bay after that," Kaidan continued, "We hadn't gotten any reports from the ground then, so we... didn't know what to expect. We'd manage to reach the Citadel by then, the Normandy was circling it through evasive manoeuvres. It was several minutes after when, uh, when we got your call to disengage and meet at the rendezvous, sir. That's all I can remember."

Hackett nodded thoughtfully, a hand braced on his chin as he slowly stroked his beard. Kaidan wondered what the other man was thinking.

Instead, Hackett turned the thick folio up and pushed it toward Kaidan, using his free hand to lift off the cover. Kaidan stared uncomprehendingly at the jumble of words, data and information that was haphazardly spread in front of him.

"Do you recognize any of this, Major?" Hackett asked after a pause.

Kaidan tried not to squint as he stared at the list of words in front of him. Nothing familiar except...

_Doc says I'm ready for visitors._

_Dinner._

And a host of other lines, most of them addressed to Shepard. _What the hell,_ was Kaidan's first thought at recognizing the few mails that he had sent to Shepard, after Mars and after he'd been back on the Normandy. He still recalled how his fingers nervously twitched along the keys as he had read and re-read and deleted lines, trying to convince Shepard to spend some alone time with him so that he could finally get all the words off his chest.

"I... Sir, are these..." Kaidan began, unsure about how to voice his concern.

"These are the files and correspondences we pulled from Shepard's private terminal on the Normandy," Hackett concluded. He drew a finger over and tapped on a line in front of Kaidan.

_ANN Alert: New Article on "Indoctrination"._

_What the hell,_ was becoming a phrase that was going to be repeated a few more times in his head before this was over, Kaidan realized. Hackett shifted the first page away as he pulled an expanded full text from behind it, placing it before Kaidan.

Kaidan's eyes widened and his throat dried up as he read the brief article. It detailed the consequences of indoctrination, sure, but he still didn't see how this proved Shepard was involved, or why this was sent specifically to the man.

Hackett apparently pre-empted the rising question, speaking up first. "Rana Thanoptis. An asari scientist that was working for Saren on Virmire before we made first contact with the Reaper, Sovereign. Is she familiar to you, Major?"

"I... No, sir. If Shepard met her on Virmire, it'd make sense that I didn't... I wasn't part of Shepard's infiltration team at the time, sir..."

Then it hit him. The incident with Sovereign had been over _three years_ ago! Kaidan's eyes jerked back to the article. She was indoctrinated, but it had taken three years for the effects to take hold. It worried him that there could possibly still be sleeper agents among the populace, especially after all the widespread exposure to Reaper devices in the last few months. It was a worrying thought. Still...

"Ah, Admiral. I don't see what this has to do with-"

"Shepard?" Hackett interrupted, "Here." Hackett took the folio and swivelled it around to himself, rifling through the first few pages and bringing out another sheet, laying it in front of Kaidan.

_Bahak System, Viper Nebula. Shepard debrief._

The page was filled with cramped letters, and it took some time to process the information on the page and he recalled parts of the conversation he'd had with Shepard after they'd become more intimate and Kaidan had questioned him about his incarceration on Earth, just before the advent of the Reaper War. Hackett spoke as Kaidan tried to listen and process the information at the same time.

"From what we've gathered so far, it seems that Shepard was unconscious and being held in a facility that was studying Reaper devices and he was... captive there for an unspecified amount of time."

_... Doctor Kenson mentioned Project Base and I..._

"From the data we've managed to gather, and all the theories and reports on the extranet involving indoctrination, we've established that it may possible for a person to become indoctrinated after mere _hours_ of exposure to the Reaper signal. Shepard, has been actively involved with them for a much longer period of time." Hackett moved a hand under the stack and removed several seeming random pieces, fanning them out across the table.

_Virmire, Indoctrination Facility. Sovereign, Citadel. Collector Ship, Infiltration. Reaper IFF, acquisition procedures. Assault on Collector Ship, Omega-4 Relay incident. Geth Dreadnought, Assault. Horizon. Cronos Station._

The list went on and on and Kaidan could feel his gorge rising with each report title he encountered, more damning evidence against Shepard, like needles stabbing into the hope he'd tried to build up in him. There had to be something to prove otherwise, and Kaidan wracked his brain in thought. He plucked at the reports reluctantly, skimming through the pages

"But... but sir... Admiral," Kaidan hesitantly ventured, "We, uh, it says that there have been cases of indoctrinated personnel showing signs of extreme... disconnectedness and agitation. Even paranoia. Without the, uh, Reaper's guidance, they lose control and... self-destruct."

Hackett turned a sharp eye at Kaidan and paused for a moment. "I'll get back to that later, Major. Here," Hackett removed a few pages near the bottom of the stack, passing them over to him and Kaidan reluctantly took them, "Take a look at this."

_King's Royal Hospital, Medical Facility. Pre-Psychiatric Analysis._

Just days back, Kaidan thought, and wondered at how steady his hands were as he read through the information they'd compiled from Shepard's own lips. Even before he completed the first paragraph, he knew that something was already very wrong.

"Sir... it, uh, it says that Shepard activated the Crucible? That Admiral Anderson was with him and died?" Kaidan turned back to reading, trying to absorb as much as he could, the icy dread now a constant ache through him. "The Catalyst, controlling the Reapers? Three options... Controlling the Reapers? Oh, god..."

The only person they'd known who had actively tried to control and harness the Reaper's powers was The Illusive Man, and they all knew that he'd been heavily indoctrinated after what they had come across on Horizon. No one sane and not working for the Reapers did that to their own people, no matter what they believed in. It didn't make sense, even if Shepard was going through some form of amnesia, it wouldn't explain the details that he'd come up with.

From what Kaidan knew during the debrief before they'd made it back to Earth, Major Coats had been the one to bring a team up with him in through the beam, and had triggered the Crucible. The man had died a hero, and the beams had erased the Reaper code from the galaxy as it scoured away the monsters. It was one of the theories about why some indoctrinated people were self-destructing, having no driving force moving them forward anymore. He knew that much, from the constant barrage of information and speculation that had flooded the extranet.

The Citadel and the Mass Relays had all survived the blast, though there had been certain... changes. Kaidan assumed that the devices had been altered and tailored, improved and changed over millions of years by many thousands of galactic empires, resulting in the core technology being swept away but still allowing for partial functionability. It was probably the same reason why EDI had survived, Kaidan reasoned, despite being based on Reaper technology. He had never considered the fact in too much detail before, but faced with this...

Apparently Shepard had had a tremendous influence on the developing AI, and her core systems were still based on human technology of unknown, probably experimental, quality. It had enabled her to rewrite her prime directives, creating new schema based off the original Reaper design, but with a different frame of construction. It was probably the same reason why the Geth had survived, though there had been multiple reports from Rannoch that most had lost their individuality and enhanced perception, reverting back to their more basic form type before Shepard had allowed Legion to upload the Reaper code into their Geth-consciousness.

Kaidan reached the end of the document, hands numb as his brain tried to work around the huge amount of information it had been forced to process. There had to be a way out for Shepard, this couldn't be a final proof...

Kaidan looked up at Hackett. "Sir, with all due respect, I, uh, I still don't see what... how all this implicates Shepard. I mean, the Reapers have been destroyed, the indoctrination should have been wiped from his mind and... and he hasn't been showing... symptoms, sir. Nothing like what we've heard about."

Hackett sighed as he sat back down, facing Kaidan once more and had a sour expression on his face, almost like he really didn't want to burst Kaidan's bubble of hope. He pulled out the last sheet in the file and tentatively moved it over for him to read. Kaidan glanced down. It wasn't too long, just two paragraphs.

_Corporal Wilks, Final Assault transcript._

_The Normandy had just taken off sir, and, uh Commander Shepard was running straight for that beam like a bat out of hell. Major Coats was calling up for every available soldier to join the Commander and he got us, the rest of the squad, to form up. We were going to push into the beam, right behind the Commander, sir, and then... Harbinger sir, it lashed out at us. Cut two men next to me like they were nothing. Took my arm off, and the heat sir... I couldn't really move my leg after that, so the Major, he asked anyone too wounded to remain behind. So the medic was patching me up, slapping medi-gel on my arm as she tried to pull me back. And that's when I saw it, sir. The Reaper basta-, uh, Harbinger sir, it shot out something where I last saw Commander Shepard, but the beam... it stopped. We were near enough that I could just make out the armour, the red and white stripes at the side, and he was down sir, a huge, steaming hole in front of him, right where the shot stopped._

_The medic, she was trying to pull me back something fierce, but I pulled away. Knew it was something I had to see and sir... I... I saw it, the Reaper, it moved over to Shepard like it didn't care we were firing everything we had at it. It kinda just sat there in front of him, and then, it was like a miracle. Shepard got right back up, I thought he'd go rushing in under those blasted legs to head straight for the beam. But he just kinda stood there, slouched over and looking up at the bast- at the Reaper. And it went lower sir, like its head was trying to touch the ground and... The Commander, he walked up to it, touched one of the legs and walked right into the damn thing's mouth. I don't know what it was sir, but it swallowed him up good and I knew that the Commander was gone. Major Coats saw it too, we all did, and we weren't sure whether we should have gone after it or head into the beam. But the Major, he knew what we were supposed to do, and we all pretty much guessed the Commander might've been lost, so all I saw after that was the Major, pulling his squad up, gunning down whatever Reaper bastards were in front of them, sir._

A soft, crinkling sound intruded on him, and Kaidan realized that his fingers had bunched up around the paper, almost tearing the thick material, and he slowly unclenched his fingers. The hair on his neck and hands were standing on end and he knew, without anymore doubt, that this was the proof that Hackett had found. The final piece of the puzzle.

Hackett gently pulled the paper away from him and neatly tucked it back under the other pieces that he'd been gathering as Kaidan was reading. "I'm sorry Major, but that's the score. You yourself just gave me even more evidence on the matter."

"Sir? I..."

"You told me, from what you remember, that Harbinger struck a Mako transport _in front_ of Shepard. It fired at you, it fired at the Mako, it fired every god damned single marine in sight... except Shepard. Now, I don't know how good that man's reflexes are, but I'm pretty sure that run gave Harbinger more than enough chances to land a hit. So, the question is, why didn't it?"

Kaidan was stunned by the revelation, hadn't even considered that that was what-

Hackett kept on speaking, overriding his thoughts. "And Shepard, when he saw you going down, he radio-ed the Normandy for a pickup. He trailed back with you, into the cargo bay entrance and stood there, saying his goodbyes. Now, why the hell would Harbinger just stand there and let that happen? If Shepard was the only thing standing between them and the rest of creation, why didn't the monster just shoot him, and shoot you all out of the sky at the same time?"

"I... I don't know why, sir," Kaidan whispered.

"I'll tell you why, Major Alenko. Shepard is important to the Reapers. He is, or he has, something that they want, and those bloody machines will be thrice-damned if they didn't get it. It's a common strategy in war, Major. Let the enemy think they're winning then disabuse them of that notion. Let overconfidence undermine your strengths." Hackett's anger seemed to flag, and the man hung his head tiredly, mulling over his thoughts and his words. Kaidan was grateful for the reprieve. He felt like bolts of heat had been slammed into him continuously, each meticulous point spearing him right through the chest.

"You asked me why, a moment ago, Shepard wasn't behaving like normal indoctrinated individuals. While I have my own theories, Major, from what I've seen and heard, I believe that the Reapers need something from Shepard. Something they want so desperately that Harbinger picked him up and left the beam exposed for anyone to rush into. Which brings me to another theory. I'm sure you've read all the speculations about berserk indoctrinated individuals on the extranet?"

Kaidan could only nod his head numbly at the question, dreading where this was going.

Hackett sighed like he wished he wasn't sitting here telling all this to Kaidan, and Kaidan wished for the very same thing, hoping this was some painful nightmare he'd wake up from. He would have almost preferred to be back when they hadn't known Shepard was alive. At least, he had some hope then to keep him going. This... this just seemed bleak in every imaginable scenario.

"Well," Hackett said, "I'm wondering, why some indoctrinated people take months or, in the case of doctor Thanoptis, years to manifest signs. Why all the indoctrinated people didn't just explode during the Cleansing. Major, it's my belief that there may still be a Reaper out there, pulling the strings from..."

Kaidan had stopped listening as movement from across the glass behind Admiral Hackett caught his attention. Shepard was standing up, waving a hand at the psychiatrist while another clutched at his head. He was bent over like he was in pain, and kept casting looks at the doctor opposite from him. Kaidan watched in horror as the man's hand started to glow blue, shimmering with biotic potential and Kaidan did the only thing he could do. He stood up, letting the chair fall back as he raced for the door and the room on the other side.

*

"I'm sorry Commander, but it's something that I thought you were aware of. Admiral David Anderson is alive and recovering in London as we speak."

_No, it... He was with him in the beam... in the Crucible... something was..._

Shepard couldn't think clearly, because the doctor in front of him was screwing with his head. Yeah, that's right, the man in front of him was screwing with him. Shepard hunched over in his seat, trying to... trying to think, to remember.

_"I'm proud of you, son..."_

No, that hadn't been an illusion, hadn't been a dream. The... the Illusive Man, he was... there? He made him do something...

"Commander, is everything alright?" came a tiny voice from somewhere in front of him, but he ignored it as he poured every ounce of concentration into reclaiming his memories. It was like clawing at air, trying to remember a dream that had faded days ago. It was... impossible. There was a shroud over his mind, and he could barely think through the haze.

_"Anderson!"... "underestimated you, Shepard"_

_"Control is the means..."_

_"Survival..."_

"No!" Shepard ground out, standing abruptly as the fog in his brain swamped away his thoughts. His eyes could barely focus on anything, and he clenched them, hoping that the veil of darkness would make the images in his head more stark.

"Commander! Please, I need you to..."

There was a voice, in front of him. But it wasn't the voice he was trying so desperately to hear. He needed to _know_ , he had to try and grasp at it.

_"... We destroy them, or they destroy us."_

_"Have a little faith..."_

_"We can control it, why shouldn't it be ours?"_

_"...controlling the Reapers_ is _the answer..."_

"-pard, please. Security, this is Doctor-"

So many voices, too many. So difficult to tell, which one was the one he wanted to hear. He tried to dig deeper and like picking at a deep scab, the deeper he dug, the more pain flooded through him. And that voice in front of him, drowning out the rest. He had to shut it up somehow. Then he'd find the answers he was looking for.

Shepard was barely aware of raising his hands, priming a Shockwave to throw at the clingy, grating voice in front of him. Something small, insignificant inside, warned him not to do it, but it was drowned out in a chorus of memory. Still, the blue flickering light crawled over his hand, the Shockwave ready but something was holding it back. That wasn't right, he had to throw it, silence the sound of-

A heavy body crashed into him, throwing him to the side and pain flared as his hip contacted the cold, metal floor. Something heavy and warm and... familiar was pressing down on him, a voice touching his ear. There was a hand under him and it had taken the brunt of the impact, saving Shepard from shattering his hip. That wasn't something an enemy did, it wasn't... Then the pain from his injury and the churning thoughts tore through the fuzziness in his head and he began to register the words being poured into him, filling him with life.

"-don't. Please, John, don't do this. Let go, John, it's me. It's Kaidan..." a comforting litany being repeated over and over again and it slowly brought Shepard back to the present, his eyes adjusting to the reality around him. An overturned chair, a skewed table. A door ajar with Hackett framed within, hand moving away from the pistol on his hip. A frightened doctor, in the corner of the room, edging towards the door.

"... please John, come back. It's alright now, you're safe..."

"I... Kaidan?" Shepard croaked, his throat dry and raspy. Had he been screaming, he wondered.

"John! Thank god, John. Thank god. I'm here now, it's alright," Kaidan had shifted him up, so that Shepard was lying across the man's arms, pressed into Kaidan's deep, warm chest. The smell of the man, strong, musky and loving, wrapped to envelop Shepard and he felt the last of the fog in his brain lift as Kaidan's worry chased it away.

"Kaidan, what... what happened," Shepard didn't want to recall, didn't want to try and remember even the last few minutes that had passed, for fear of any relapse occurring. Something had happened, but... he wasn't so sure anymore what it was. His hip twinged painfully, a beating just as he was starting to recover. It would tax his system a little more and probably not something that Kaidan would be happy hearing about.

"Shh, John. It's alright, you were, uh, you were acting a little... off. Maybe you should, you know, tune down the biotics?"

"Tune down the..." Shepard suddenly realized that there was a tingling running along his hand and arm, and thought that he'd struck a nerve when Kaidan had tackled him. Shepard raised his hand and noticed the doctor flinching as Shepard stared uncomprehendingly at the scintillating azure energy running over his hand. It winked out as he concentrated.

"I... Kaidan, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Shepard could feel an uncomfortable, pressing ache spreading across his chest and realized that, in a very rare moment, he was feeling pathetic, vulnerable and lost. It was a feeling he _hated_ more than anything else. He felt the tremors shake through him as the emotional and mental fatigue drained him any resistance. Tears sprang into his eyes as he turned and buried his head into Kaidan's chest, feeling an aching well of sadness and remorse hit him. Kaidan. He needed Kaidan.

"Shh, John. I'm here, it'll... it'll be alright. Everything will be alright, I promise," Kaidan whispered morosely as he cradled Shepard against the solid strength of his body and hoped that it was enough, hoped that everything he had to give was enough to save the man he loved so desperately and so much. Kaidan felt his own tears tingle across his eyes as he let the man sob into his shirt, not caring at all when he heard the clatter of boots approaching from the hallway.


	6. Homecomings

The poor excuse for coffee poured hot, at least, into the chipped ceramic mug, and for that James was eternally grateful. He poured another cup, this one metal and slightly dented, feeling his armour pinch him around the waist and bulging muscles at the slightest movement. Far from being uncomfortable, it made him feel safe and secure, just like the man that was sitting across the way along the benches stretched opposite the rebuilt cafeteria.

Food was becoming scarce across the globe, at least it was in places that weren't high on the reconstruction priority lists, and James knew that he should have been grateful that they had at least managed to find something hot to drink. Vancouver really was chilly, no matter the season, just as the Major had said.

Carefully balancing the cups, the haptic sensors of his gauntlets making sure he had a firm grip on the handles despite the apparent bulk of the thick metal, he made his way back to Steve Cortez, his friend, his pilot and _his_ Esteban. The thought always made him feel happier than he had felt in a long time, especially considering the tiresome way they had danced around each other during their time on the Normandy during the war. It had been frustrating and full of pent up angst that had left them both drained and needy, but with the way the situation had been developing, both men where either too masculine, too professional or just too damn stubborn to do anything about it.

Watching the Commander and Kaidan, realizing the heat of their passion for one another and remembering the tales of lost years, unrequited love and missed chances that they both had had to suffer to get where they were now, left James dreading that he'd be in a similar situation after too long. He'd never been good with coming out about his feelings, had never dreamed that he'd one day admit to falling in love with the older, mysterious Steve Cortez. James didn't care that he was a man, hell, he was interested in asari, krogan, maybe even turians. It didn't matter. What mattered was the soul behind the shell, the caring warmth that he'd found in Steve, though he'd sooner face a horde of Banshees before letting anyone know that he was such a closeted romantic.

"Hey Esteban! I got you something hot," James called out as he approached the seated pilot.

Steve looked up with a small smile, "Ah, Mister Vega. Yeah, I see you did. And you brought coffee as well."

James had to grin at that. It was one of the reasons he'd been infatuated with and eventually fallen in love with the quiet, reserved man. Steve just didn't take anything at face value and always strove to understand, to get to know until he struck pay dirt. It had happened with him as well though James had realized too late to act upon the knowledge and had needed the close comfort and intimacy that was provided when he had watched over Steve as he recuperated.

James knew that a lot of people took him for what he was, a hulking, clumsy and overbearing soldier whose only response to a situation was physical or violence. Or sometimes both. But Shepard had been the first, piercing the ever present veil during his incarceration and ripping it away entirely when James had served on the Normandy. Truth be told, James always thought he had a crush on the Commander, but always told himself it was hero worship. Besides, from all the stories they'd shared, James knew that Shepard's heart belonged to another. And then James had found his own person to give his heart to, as rough and scarred as it was.

"What're you thinking about, James? You're awfully quiet," Steve said softly.

James started at the sound, shifting slightly and hoping that his tan was enough to hide the heat moving across his face. "Well, Esteban, I was thinking about the Commander... Wait, I meant, I was thinking about us. And the Commander. Ah, _Dios_!"

Steve chuckled and laid a hand briefly on James' arm. "Thinking about me and the Commander, Mister Vega? I didn't know you were into that. You know we could try it if-"

James whirled mock fury on his face, hoping it was enough to hide the serious embarrassment he was feeling. " You know _mi amigo,_ for someone so quiet and hard working, you've got a really dirty mind."

"This coming from the man whose every sentence sounds like he's making love to the air?" Steve teased, nudging James and leaving him gaping like an idiot. "Besides," Steve continued before James could speak up, "I thought you always liked it when I came up with... ideas."

Now James felt heat moving to another part of his body, adding even more pressure to an already tight space and he swallowed as he remembered exactly _what_ ideas Steve had come up with over the last month. It had certainly been an education and while James was no prude, he had been pleasantly surprised and slightly shocked at some of the things they had done together. He supposed most of them wouldn't have been possible if he wasn't as strong as he was, and he was grateful that he'd spent most of his life building up his massive strength, if only for the opportunity it presented for those few nights.

James had been beside himself the first few nights, tossing sleeplessly knowing that Steve was sleeping just inches away from him. They had had to share a bed, since supplies were limited and Steve had adamantly refused to let him curl up on the debris-covered floor, or he'd find other accomodation. Which was something that James would never allow. At first, he was afraid he'd move about and crush the other man against the wall and had lain ramrod straight. Then, as the night turned quiet, he could hear the easy breathing, the small movements and James would turn his head ever so slightly and admire the sleeping form next to him. Then he felt like a creepy voyeur and would shift to turn his back on Steve. When that failed, he walked over to the corner furthest away from the bed and sat pushed up against the floor, hugging his pillow and leaning forward, imagining it was Steve he was hugging right that moment.

The next morning, Steve had woken earlier than him and seen him lodged in the corner of the room. He had threatened to move out and had damn near grabbed his stuff and hobbled out, stairs be damned, when James had panicked and grabbed the other man along his arms and had physically lifted him up like a crate and gently returned him to the bed. It had been awkward after that, but James was nothing if not shameless in his persistence. It was something no one else would ever have to find out about anyway.

So he had made himself scarce the rest of the day and gone out, both to collect supplies and work out the troublesome thoughts in his head as well as to give Steve some time and space alone. He had mentally flogged himself when he returned tired muscles lifting the sacks of food and materials and he agonized over coming back to an empty room, nothing left but the bittersweet smell of what could have been. But as he opened the door, he was greeted by a slightly bored, agitated smile and that was when James realized, he could _definitely_ get used to coming back to that every night. So he had flexed his culinary muscles as best he could and had made dinner for the both of them, cursing the meagre ingredients and junk items that he had to make do with.

The next few days after had been a blur, searching for survivors, working the days and coming back tired but euphoric at the thought of a waiting Steve. It was then that all hell had broken loose, and James should have kicked himself in hindsight. Steve was getting restless with his confinement, and James had been so concerned with keeping him as safe as he could, he hadn't realized that the man needed to get out and _do_ something before he went mad. But he wouldn't be content knowing that Steve would be going out alone in his weakened state, so he improvised.

After the first blow-up, James had brought back things for the other man to work on, small bits of electronic gizmos and gadgets to keep him occupied. There had been a day he'd brought so much stuff back with him, Steve had stared in wonder and asked him if he had wanted him to rebuild a Kodiak in the room. James toned down after that and as they got closer and closer together, James felt more and more desperate, afraid of permanently damaging something that was so good.

And then there was _the_ night. He just couldn't take it anymore, watching Steve sleep like that, wanting to run his hands over and hug the man and will him back to full health. It was like a gnawing ache in his gut and his tired mind was already breaking down barriers and parading lusty, loving scenarios in his head. He needed release, so he had crept into the bathroom, like he had done almost every night, to ease the tension. And that was how Steve had found him, pants around his ankles as he leaned against the shower floor, grunting and moaning as he stroked himself, thinking of Steve. James had froze, felt like a cornered animal as the man just stared at him blankly and he was expecting a disgusted shake of the head, a retreat back to bed, or even for the other man to explode from the sexual tension that was thick enough to cut with a spoon and just lunge at his half-naked form and have his way with him.

James did _not_ expect the sudden anger and hurt that flashed across Steve's face as he shouted at him, asking him what the hell it was he was doing. He had yelled, asking if he wasn't good enough, if he was just damaged goods, being looked after so he could be placed back on the shelf at the end of the day. James would have found it hilarious if it hadn't been him there, pants around his legs and cock softening under the barrage of hurt. He just stood there as Steve had poured out all his frustrations and longing and angst at him. He hated, hated so much seeing the other man like that, so he did the only thing he could think of at the time. James had stepped out of his pants and kissed him. Hard. And lovingly and a host of other feelings that he'd suppressed all those months, all flowing through that intimate bond.

The sex after had been... wild. Well, that was a mild way of putting it, but he hadn't been able to think of a word strong enough to describe what they'd done that first time with his mind so completely filled and content and truth be told he still couldn't think of anything to describe the feeling. And almost every night after. James would have preferred if he didn't rush into it, there was so much uncovered ground for the both of them yet, aware as he was about Steve and his emotional state about his husband's passing, but he remembered the anger the other man had felt at being treated like a caged doll. So with a silent prayer of apology to the departed spirit of Robert, James had given everything he had, in everything they did. And it had apparently been enough.

There was a slight chirp next to his collar, snapping him out of his daydreams, where his armour informed him that the suit's internal pressure was at inappropriate levels and he automatically shut off the warning, looking abashed. It had been doing that a lot, and he reminded himself to manually disconnect the thing anytime he was around Steve. He just hoped Steve would never find out about that little bit of information, he'd tease him mercilessly without end and James wouldn't know what to do with himself if that ever arose. Most probably take the man and throw him down on the nearest bench, like that night when-

The suit chirped again and he could see Steve looking at him curiously as he flushed and turned away, trying to find the internal mechanism and just yank the damned thing out. If he could just pull off the gauntlets and get his fingers into the-

"You know, James, if you're having problems with your armour, I could take a look at it for you," Steve said innocently as James struggled and failed to get fingers into the tight space. Damn if that wasn't an euphemism and James decided in favour of shutting down the warning through his console again and willing himself to softness, which hardly worked anyway.

"Ah, _no hay bronca_ Esteban, no problem here. Just some... you know, I think something came loose during our shuttle ride is all..." James finished lamely, hoping to god that Steve wouldn't know about _that_ little bit of information about his suit.

Steve shifted closer, trying to peeking over James' massive shoulders, but James had practically hunched himself over trying to reach the stupid thing. The chirping was still ringing in his ear and he almost grabbed his armour in both hands with the intention of ripping it off to get at the stupid thing until he realized that it was a call.

_Oops._

Straightening up, James patched it through as he grinned sheepishly at Steve.

"Lieutene-"

"Lieutenant Vega, we need you here _now!_ We've got a situation," Hackett's voice rang out.

All thoughts of Steve, the last two months and playful banter were forgotten as his smile winked out like a soap bubble and he stood up so abruptly his coffee spilled over the floor.

"Yes, sir!" James snapped back as he strode toward the interrogation rooms that they were using to speak to Shepard and Kaidan.

"James!" Steve called worriedly from behind him, hurried footsteps catching up to his lengthening stride, "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

James grinned despite the possibilities that flashed across his mind. "I don't know Esteban, but the Admiral sounds worried and _pissed_ off. Let's go find out."

*

Hours later Kaidan and James were standing at ease, back in Hackett's office, as the events weighed heavily on all of them. James had just been briefed about the situation and Kaidan could see the tightness along the other man's jaw and the clenched fists that he was trying to hold steady at his side. Kaidan wondered what the marine was thinking and wondered, not for the first time, if the other man's thoughts were as dark and foreboding as his own. Shepard was currently with Steve in an adjacent room, with guards standing outside the room, ever watchful. Kaidan had adamantly defended against sedating the Commander, and Steve was under explicit instructions to call them if Shepard so much as lifted a hand.

"We have to keep the situation contained," Hackett repeated again, mulling over his thoughts, "The less people that know about this, the better. In fact, it'd be better if Shepard remained Earth's problem."

Kaidan didn't like where that particular train of thought was headed.

"For that reason, I believe it would be best if Shepard were kept safely here on Earth, under constant surveillance and protection," Hackett concluded with finality.

Kaidan and James both tensed at the idea.

"Ah, sir, I really don't... I mean, do you really think that that's a good-"

"With all due respect, sir, Loco shouldn't have to be treated like-"

"Enough!" Hackett broke through, though there was no heat in his voice, almost like he was expecting them to counter his idea, "That's enough. Major, Lieutenant. I'd be overjoyed if either of you could come up with a better solution."

They both shifted as they tried to weigh the pros and cons of what they were about to say, shifting likely possibilities out of the dross in their heads. It was especially difficult for Kaidan, especially considering that Hackett was aware of the... strong emotional connection to Shepard... In fact-

"Sir, I might have a suggestion. What if Shepard comes along with us?" Kaidan ventured.

Hackett's eyes widened at the suggestion. "No. Absolutely not. Frankly Major, I'm surprised you'd even consider that with any surety."

Kaidan swallowed as he tried to will his stubborn tongue to co-operate with him. "Well, sir. I'm thinking that Shepard would probably be safest on board the Normandy. I mean, she's a state-of-the-art stealth ship that is, uh, she's highly mobile and there'll be a... crew of competent veterans manning her at all times, sir." It had sounded better in his head, but Kaidan was frankly unsurprised if either man picked up on his selfish desire to keep Shepard close to him at all times.

"Hmm. A mobile, stealth box that could keep Shepard away from the eyes and ears of everyone in the galaxy?" Hackett turned the information around in his mind. There was no reason to deny that it was, at least, an acceptable reasoning, but still...

"And what happens if the indoctrination takes a hold of Shepard again? Like it did before? What's to stop him from, say, blowing out a massive hole in the ship or hijacking the devices and brining it to the Reapers?" Hackett countered reasonably.

"If... If it comes to that sir," Kaidan ground out, hating the thought for even appearing in his head, "We'll... We'll take care of it... sir." Kaidan finally whispered, earning a sharp look from James before he turned back to look at Hackett digest the information.

"Ah, and besides sir," Kaidan continued trying to push as hard as he could for his idea, "I guess, it'll be safer for Shepard if he were... with, uh, with me." Kaidan finished staring at the desk hard and willing his cheeks not to heat.

Hackett raised an inquiring eyebrow at the statement. "Oh? And why is that Major?"

Kaidan cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with where this was going, but if it was for Shepard...

"Sir, we've seen how indoctrination takes hold if, ah, if the subject undergoes extreme mental duress. I, uh, I guess it would be easier to trigger if Shepard were isolated away from any unfamiliar faces. Or in hostile unknown territory, sir. I guess, it'll be good to have him in familiar surroundings, with people he trusts. And cares about." Damn if he couldn't get more explicit than that.

Instead of shooting down the idea, Hackett seemed to turn inward, fingers moving across the desk as he considered. "I must admit, Major. Your idea has... some merit."

Kaidan clamped down on a surge of hope, and was surprised to see that James had an openly curious look on his face. Kaidan was wondering if it was because of James' recent relationship with Steve and the fact that Hackett hadn't called him down for fraternization. If the galaxy's saviour and a Major with a near-perfect track record could maintain a relationship on the job then maybe, just maybe, a potential N7 initiate and a pilot might be able to as well. Kaidan could empathize with the younger man's hope.

The silence began to stretch uncomfortably long, and despite his military training, Kaidan itched to just sit down and rest his burdened shoulders. Finally, Hackett's head snapped up from his thoughts, making James twitch slightly. Kaidan was glad that he had at least, kept his composure. Well, he hoped he did anyway.

"Alright, Major. Since that's the best we could come up on such short notice, we'll make it happen. I must admit, I'm loathe to keep Shepard here on Earth with the limited resources and man power that we currently have."

Kaidan let go a pent up breath, releasing some of the tension he'd been holding in. But Hackett wasn't done yet.

"The Normandy's prepped and ready. We need to get as many minds as we can on this project. Trustworthy minds. I guess you'll all be getting your old team back together in any case."

"Sir," James stepped in, "Actually, that's Loco's call. We've had some ideas about who we'd-"

"No, Lieutenant. Shepard will not be commanding the Normandy in the state he's in."

They both froze at that. Shepard on board the Normandy, but not calling the shots? Kaidan could almost feel the question burden the air between the two soldiers.

"He is there because _you_ , Major," Hackett said, thrusting a finger in Kaidan's direction, "suggested that we keep him in what basically amounts to a highly-advanced, extremely mobile, stealth confinement cell. At the very most, he'll be able to serve as an advisorial agent on activities, nothing more. No fire fights, no fighting of any kind."

Kaidan opened his mouth to protest, but Hackett overrode him.

"If there is anything else in the universe that will cause 'extreme mental duress' Major, I think the stress of battle would be ranked one of them. Shepard does not go into any hotspots, that is non-negotiable. Is that clear?"

The finality in the statement was obvious, so Kaidan and James had no choice but to accept the statement, albeit in Kaidan's case, rather grudgingly. Hackett obviously hadn't seen the sense of peace and calm that exuded from Shepard when he was in battle.

It was James who finally cleared his throat and voiced the obvious. "So, uh, sir. If Loco's out of the picture, who'll be commanding the Normandy?"

"Since you'll be the highest ranking member on board, and you also have the most real-time experience with the crew, Shepard and the Normandy, I'll be putting you in charge, Commander Alenko," Hackett said staring right at Kaidan.

Kaidan didn't know if he wanted to laugh or to cry at that point.

"I have confidence your... emotional attachments won't tangle the situation. Much. Now, we'll need a medical officer, in accordance with Alliance flight-"

"Sir?" James blurted out and Kaidan wondered if the man were naturally insubordinate or just concerned about everything. "Don't we already have a medical officer? Doctor Chakwas?"

Hackett glared at the marine for the disruption. "Medical Officer Chakwas is currently one of the finest minds we have, and though she'd be an asset on your mission, she's needed more here on Earth than in space. She's currently leading a medical directive over in London, so she'll be staying put."

Hackett turned once more to Kaidan, "I'll be forwarding you the dossiers of potential candidates that we've gotten access to, but there's one in particular I'd like to draw your attention to. She's a very experienced medical professional, and she's handled more patients than we have ammo clips. We also know that she has had a lot of experience handling the procedures surrounding the medical requirements of other species, and if you're going to have a mixed crew, it might be the most appropriate, despite some... eccentricities."

Kaidan nodded, taking up the onerous burden of Commander, though he'd never admit to the Admiral that there would always only be one true Commander of the Normandy. "Yes, sir. She sounds, uh, suitable for the job. I'd like to speak to her before we dust off, sir."

"Unfortunately, that won't be possible currently. She's part of the Alliance force that we sent over Palaven. If you'd like to recruit her, you'll have to make your way there and enlist her aid. I can send you the necessary paperwork and documentation."

"Yes, sir. Thank you." While Kaidan relished the idea of finally getting this show moving, he groaned at the thought of jumping all over the galaxy, looking for the best and the brightest. It was something Shepard had said to him before about the Normandy, something that had been echoed at least once by anyone who had been part of her crew. It was basically the story of the Normandy's life, going around picking up different species from all over the galaxy like some strange, quirky zoologist.

 _Story of our lives_ _,_ Kaidan thought, trying to hide the grim humour of the moment.

*

Shepard strolled along quietly next to Kaidan, cane barely tapping a rhythm on the floor as he was lost in his thoughts. It was a disconcerting feeling, thinking that you'd lived something else and knowing that something else entirely had happened. He still didn't know what was really wrong with him and he wasn't getting any information out of the others as well. The doctor had been even less than helpful, sending a packet of information about PTSD, traumatic amnesia, brain damage. Very helpful, indeed. The doctor was obviously still terrified about being in the same room with him.

From what he'd managed to get out of everything that had happened, there were... holes in his memory, for lack of a better word. Actually, less holes and more like huge pieces of dark canvas covering up stores of information within his head. Like there was something actively trying to smother his thoughts. Sometimes the canvas would shift, and he'd get a glimpse of memory, of thought, and then it was gone and he spent as much time as he could dissecting the little hints of thought that he'd glimpsed. It frustrated him to no end, especially considering the way it made him feel. Helpless and weak. Vulnerable.

He could barely remember all that had happened in the last few hours, and most of what he had gotten was from Kaidan, how he'd lost control and almost attacked everything around him. It was worrying, but he hoped that if he didn't delve too deep, the incident wouldn't repeat itself. Sometimes, Shepard thought that he was losing his mind, with all the crap he'd been through. He'd not told anyone, not even Kaidan, about the details of the dreams that he'd been having during the war and, consequently, sometimes after. He'd hate for the man to see him as anything... less, but there were some secrets that were not meant for daylight.

Shepard turned a corner, both literally and in his mind. There had been some... changes since the war had ended, pertaining to his dreams. They were less ominous, but far from comfortable. A dark, misty forest surrounded by shadowy figures, voices whispering up from the air. Only now, he had difficulty recognizing some of the voices, wasn't sure he even understood what they had been saying to him. And instead of running after the little boy he'd seen die, he was... running away from something. Just an impression, nothing more, but it was something he remembered since the idea of running _away_ was so alien to him.

A warm, comforting hand on his shoulder jolted him back, and he turned to see the most haunting and beautiful set of eyes he'd ever seen before. Deep and mysterious, with depths yet to be plumbed. It was a breath taking sight, Kaidan's eyes and Shepard could feel himself drowning in them, being pulled by the man they belonged to, and despite the dark turn of his thoughts, he smiled appreciatively and assuringly, bringing his cheek down on the hand momentarily before it was quickly pulled away. Kaidan gave him one his mischievous grins and they turned at the sight before them, a sight that never failed to take Shepard's breath away.

The Normandy sat in port, gleaming like a silver angel, blue and black streaks of its raiments trailing along its sides. The Normandy was more than a ship now, more than some revolutionary turian and human designed tech masterpiece. It was a symbol of hope and victory and just standing there, admiring its familiar lines grounded Shepard and gave him comfort, just like he always felt when he was around Kaidan. It would be sad for him, not to helm the majestic vessel. Kaidan had debriefed him about Hackett's orders and he had grudgingly admitted that they had made sense. He was also eternally grateful to the man for keeping Shepard with him, though he wondered if it were akin to keeping a crutch with someone even after they had managed to walk again. Perhaps that was one of the issues he was faced with, when Shepard was whole and hale, he could accept the man being with him for the sake of mutual strength and support, love and health. But what did Shepard have to offer now, besides an infirm, damaged body and mind? Was Kaidan taking pity on him, bringing him along like some homage to the past that they had had?

He slipped a hand into the pocket, touching the band that he kept there. No, he shook himself firmly, flogging the thoughts away. He had never doubted Kaidan's intentions before, and he wouldn't start now. He'd never doubt the love of his life, no matter how addled his memories were. Of that he was definitely sure.

Shepard hadn't realized he had stopped walking until he saw Kaidan turning back to him, placing a hand on his arm.

"It's been awhile, huh, John?" Kaidan asked with a smile.

"Yeah," Shepard turned to look at the bright and open expression on Kaidan's face, "It has."

Shepard realized he would miss it, the feel of the camaderie among fighters, of the Normandy swerving and turning as it heeded every word and command he gave. Lives on the line and decisions to be made. Oh, he'd never miss the death, the dying, political head-butting and the dead ends, but the feeling of serving a useful cause, of being needed and relied on, was something he'd grown to appreciate and had shaped his core self. It was both a heady and crushing realization.

Kaidan's eyebrows draw down, slightly worried and slightly puzzled. "John. For what it's worth, I mean, with everything going on... I just want you to know... Well, I'm here for you and I, uh, I need you to know you'll be here for me too, you know? I... I can't do this alone."

The words were a soothing balm against the ache in Shepard's chest and head. He should have realized, Kaidan would be able to see into his core worries and pluck the right strings in him. He'd always been able to do that, and Shepard was grateful for it.

Shepard stepped up closer to Kaidan, unheeding of the other people around them, watching as the other man's breathing spiked and his throat swallowed. Shepard stared at those lips, wanting to taste them again, feel them on him. Shepard leaned forward, planting a soft, hot kiss onto his lover's lips before pulling back slightly, sweet breath curling between them. It felt so right.

"Kaidan. I promised I'd come back, and I did. For you. I... I just might not be... what I used to be-"

"John. Please, don't say that. I never wanted anything more, never asked you for anything more. I only need _you_." Heat surged in Shepard, and he felt a piece of him clicking back into place.

"Kaidan..." Shepard watched as Kaidan's eyes started to close, lips parted slightly inviting him for something more, something deeper. It was all he could do to stop himself from throwing himself into the other man.

"John?"

"Kaidan... we should... really get going."

Kaidan pulled back, looking slightly abashed at his lack of self control and Shepard always found it amusing how much passion the other man always kept in check. They started toward the hatch that would lead them into the Normandy

"Yeah, you're, I guess you're right, John."

Shepard laughed, a deep, quick bark. "Let's discuss this later, Major. A private... conference. In my-- _our_ cabin."

Kaidan's playful grin came up as he replied, "Ah, technically, I'm your Commanding Officer now Lieutenant."

"Going to pull rank on me Kaidan?"

"Only if it gets you to behave, John."

"Well... You know, I'm not exactly a by-the-regs kind of guy..."

"Yeah, uh, that's an understatement, John. I need my crew ship shape, soldier. Maybe I could give you some... private lessons on, uh, discipline."

"Yes, sir, Commander Alenko. Huh, it's funny. I'm never going to get used to calling you that."

"John... Listen, I-"

"No, it's alright Kaidan. I got it," Shepard emphasized his acceptance with a quick squeeze of Kaidan's hand, "It's just another thing I'm going to get used to, except this one won't be as easy as the rest."

Kaidan huffed a breath. "John. If I'm not mistaken, I think you've just called me easy."

"Well, you were for me," Shepard grinned, dodging the light shove that was aimed at him.

"Yeah, easy. And it took you, what, three years to get it right?"

"Hey, easy doesn't mean it has to be quick. What do they always say about the journey and the destination..."

"I... Look, John, I'm not really comfortable with being called 'Commander' alright? I mean, it's something I've always dreamt about, sure, but not, uh, not on the Normandy, you know? It's always been _your_ ship. It's... it's always been you."

Shepard brought his hand down, squeezing Kaidan slightly on his ass as the door to the outside world slid shut, making the other man jump slightly and turn red. Shepard always liked catching him by surprise.

"It's alright, Kaidan. They can call you Commander, Major or anything in between," Shepard tried to inject a healthy dose of seduction into his tone, watching with appreciation as Kaidan's eyes started to widen when his voice went gruff and deep, "But maybe, later, this Commander and this Major could, maybe, get in between..."

Kaidan was looking flustered now and Shepard could see the tell-tale signs of a bulge forming in Kaidan's trousers. "John," Kaidan huffed, "you know, this isn't really-"

"Wait." Shepard stalled. Something was wrong.

Both men went on alert as Shepard tried to take in everything. The de-con had just finished and the doors had slid open, what was he-

Then it hit him. Everything was dark. There wasn't a single soul or sound coming from, well, anything. It was decidedly odd especially considering that the Normandy was practical kept running twenty-four/seven. Shepard wished he had something on him, a rifle or at least a pistol, though he was grateful that he had other avenues in that regard. He tuned his biotic barrier up, feeling Kaidan do the same a moment later. They were far from helpless, but memories of the Collectors raiding and pillaging _his_ ship still kept him wary in such situations.

A quick check, Joker wasn't in his seat. The cockpit was dim. They moved forward quietly, Shepard trying his hardest not to let the cane tap noisily on the floor. The CIC was dark and quiet.

He turned to Kaidan, quietly whispering, "Kaidan, did we get the reporting time wrong?"

"I don't see how, John. Even if we did, there should be some crew on board right? Skeleton crew at least?"

"Skeletons on the Normandy, now that's kinda starting to creep me out."

"You know what I mean, John," Kaidan said with a nudge.

A quick circuit showed that there wasn't any activity on this level. Maybe they really did have the entire ship to themselves. Probably the crew were still getting ready and they were here early, in which case...

Shepard turned and quickly grabbed Kaidan, hugging the man tightly to himself as his cock swelled instantly at the contact and Shepard pressed his hardness against Kaidan's leg.

"John! What are you-"

Shepard, uncaring, brought their lips together and he could hear Kaidan's protesting squawks turn into stifled mewling and slowly, finally, deep, throaty moans. Shepard could feel Kaidan responding as the man pressed back, erection straining against the fabric of his pants. But Shepard didn't give in just yet. He was notoriously impatient, until it came to Kaidan, in which case he teased and gently stroked, pulling up slowly rising waves of tension and want in the other man.

He could feel Kaidan's breathing getting heavier, how the pulse under his hand was throbbing harder and his lover was pushing forward more adamantly into his tongue as the mood took him over. Shepard basked in the feeling, wanting to soak in it forever. It was such a rush for Shepard, taking Kaidan this way, feeling the need and want rushing out as they both desperately-

Bright, lights flared in his vision as he pulled Kaidan closer, moving downward and kissing the firm stomach beneath. A loud, popping bang echoed across the room as Shepard placed his mouth over Kaidan's bulge, a door hissing open and the sound of a raised voice.

"Welcome back, Co- OH MY GOD!" Traynor half shouted, half shrieked.

Shepard and Kaidan stared uncomprehendingly at the woman scrubbing her eyes, who was the source of the strange sound, as they blinked like owls being thrown into daylight. Suddenly Shepard became aware of the colourful bits of cheap paper that were falling over his thighs and head and could see the wave of bobbing heads moving out through the QEC door.

And Shepard with his erection on display, pressing his face against Kaidan's obvious bulge, finally realized where he was and who was staring at him and Kaidan.

A very strangled, piteous yell came from above him, and Shepard felt Kaidan flash over to move behind Shepard, who was slowly getting to his feet. Kaidan was still trying to hide himself behind Shepard and was making choking sounds that Shepard was sure he'd never heard coming from the man before. His erection was dying down from the shock, but it was still straining against his military fatigues and he could see some of the crewmembers staring a not-stare at it and at him.

"Oh, god Commander! My _eyes_! Why would you even _do_ that!" Traynor had moved to the fore of the little group and was one of the only few who weren't actually trying to peek at Shepard's goods.

He was still a military officer, still had his reputation to consider and the regard of the rest of the crew. So he did the only thing he could do in such circumstances. He took a step back, presenting the back of a supremely red-faced Kaidan to the rest of the crew, swivelled and clicked his heels sharply. He stared off to the side of the bulkhead and gave his sharpest salute, though try as he might, he couldn't keep the grin off his face.

"At attention! Commanding Officer on deck." Shepard snapped crisply, making sure to punctuate the comment with an obvious thrust of his hips, making the bulge there stick out even further.

Kaidan groaned at the pun and tried to twist him away from the crew, who had confused looks on their faces and were equally giggling, laughing and groaning at one another, with the exception of Traynor who shrieked again and said, "Oh god, Shepard!"

Just as Kaidan managed to shift him away from public view, James and Steve walked in through the air lock, and froze, watching as the coloured paper drifted across the floor, the crew shifted around the QEC portal and Traynor still scrubbing her eyes. They were also staring at Shepard and Kaidan, who were facing them with their softening erections still very much on display through the tight uniforms.

Kaidan gave another strangled gasp as James grinned widely at both of them and nudged Steve, who had his mouth slightly agape.

"Ah, Esteban. It's good to be back no?"


	7. An Old Friend

Kaidan shifted tiredly on the sofa resting in the Commander's cabin, looking over a data-pad as Shepard sat lazily next to him watching the darting, brilliant fishes swim in the huge tank opposite them. Shepard was anything but relaxed however, his hand was clenched on his knee and Kaidan noticed out of the corner of his eye the tell-tale signs, face tightening, slight repetitive bounces of his legs. Shepard was anxious.

After the initial embarrassing re-introduction to the crew, they had retreated to the cabin to collect themselves, laughing and supporting one another as they stumbled onto the bed, hugging and kissing. Kaidan could still remember how Shepard's face had turned pale and blanched when EDI's voice broke through their hurried fumblings, welcoming them back and sheepishly, if an AI could have been said to be sheepish, apologizing for the 'surprise' that she had planned for them.

All ardour had fled him when Shepard curled up, muttering to himself about EDI, synthetics and the Geth, how they shouldn't have been there and that it was _his_ fault that they were gone. Should have been gone. EDI had spoken up, inquiring about whether there was anything she could do, since her biometric scanners showed an increase of approximately 37 percent in Shepard's brain function and cardiovascular system. The memory of Shepard's attack back in Vancouver was still very much fresh in Kaidan's memory and he was afraid that the man would have another episode as he tried to claw through the other memories inside. So Kaidan had quickly waved away the inquiry and done the only thing he knew would help.

Kaidan had pulled Shepard into an embrace, holding the other man tight against his heat as he stroked the hair on Shepard's head and whispered comforting platitudes as the man trembled against him. He was Shepard's rock and anchor, and Kaidan knew that the man needed him now, more than ever. Kaidan had begun tentatively to explain the situation to Shepard as best he could without informing his lover about his... condition. They had spent close to an hour like that, children finding comfort in one another away from their fear of night terrors, and Kaidan had told Shepard about EDI's reprogramming, the destruction of the Reaper Code, the presence of the Mass Relays and a host of other information that he thought Shepard might not have remembered. Or, had been forced to forget.

The thought had chilled Kaidan to the bone, and he was glad that they had been alone during the retelling, surrounded by the happier memories that they had created during the short, few months that they'd been together, watching as the shifting stars had soared past them. It would have been worse, far worse, if Shepard had encountered EDI out in the more public places aboard the Normandy, surrounded by the crew and voices that weren't Kaidan, and Hackett's warning of Shepard blowing a hole through the vessel still tickled in the back of his mind.

When Shepard had recovered enough to finally accept the truth that Kaidan had explained to him, they had made hurried love and rested, nestled against one another as they watched the shifting emissions from the ship swirl past. Shepard had dozed off, nuzzled against Kaidan's neck, but Kaidan had been unable to close his eyes, staring at nothing as he imagined how difficult it must have been for his lover. Kaidan had been wracked with thoughts as Shepard slept, about what to do if an attack like that had occurred in public, among innocent bystanders. About why Shepard was behaving so differently from other indoctrinated subjects and the small flicker of hope he kept alive of curing the man, once and for all. That was a major stumbling block, how to cure Shepard from indoctrination. Try as he might, his mind just couldn't seem to find a solution, or even stumble across the beginnings of one, and he tortured himself with reviewing everything he could recall about indoctrination and the Reaper signal.

"So, Kaidan, what happened after I-- Major Coats triggered the Crucible?" Shepard asked suddenly and Kaidan was glad for the interruption. He still hadn't been able to process the meagre amount of information in the data-pad that he was holding.

Sighing, Kaidan placed the data-pad onto the table before scooting up closer to the man and turning to him. Shepard had a distant look in his eyes as he continued to stare at the fish darting along, not at him.

"Well John, Hackett ordered us to the rendezvous, and we barely had time to clear Mars before the, uh, light shot past us. The Normandy kinda, well, it froze. We were left adrift for a few hours and EDI was... she just wasn't there, you know? Joker was hysterical, trying to reroute power, trying to get back to you or, um, move forward. Anything at all," Kaidan kept his gaze on Shepard, trying to pick out any changes in the man's behaviour.

Shepard's eyes narrowed as he processed the information, but that was all. His silence indicated that he wanted Kaidan to continue, so he took a deep breath before speaking up again.

"You know, it was a good thing the auxiliary systems kicked in when they did. Guess it didn't need EDI running them. It was a few hours later and we were, um, well, we were adrift just past Mars trying to get everything back up and head to the rendezvous... And EDI, she just jump-starts awake. It was a hell of thing, Joker almost fell of his chair and fractured his tailbone."

Shepard snorted at that, a tiny hint of a smile tugging on his lips. Well, it was a start at least.

"We were all, pretty beat up when we limped back to the rest of the fleet. It was slow going at first and EDI... we weren't really sure what was wrong with her. She was just, I dunno, cold. Like the warmth she once had wasn't there. She told us there were systems that she was trying to, um, get back in place so we kinda just left her to it. Hackett was telling us about the Mass Relays but..." Kaidan trailed away.

"But?" Shepard prompted after a long pause, finally turning to look at Kaidan.

"But," Kaidan whispered as he looked away, swamped in memory, "I- I didn't want to hear about it, John. I didn't care. I'd left everything behind during that last push, everything I cared about. Earth and, um, you," Kaidan hazarded an awkward chuckle before continuing, "They told me I was, uh, raving. Like crazy, you know? Almost screamed at Hackett telling him we, uh, we had to go back and get you. It was driving me crazy not knowing."

Shepard had moved closer while he was speaking and Kaidan started at the warm hand along his cheek. "Kaidan... I- I'm so sorry."

Kaidan tried to smile at that, but it turned out more of a grimace. "John, please. There's- you've got nothing to be sorry about. I- I just wish that, you know, I could have been there. With you at the end of it."

Shepard was leaning in closer, lips drawing nearer. "You were Kaidan, and you're here now. I think that's worth even more..."

Kaidan could feel the sweet desire building up in him as he anticipated what would come next. "John..."

"Commander Alenko. Shepard. We are approaching Palaven. You requested that I inform you just before we started our approach. I hope that I have not interrupted at an inopportune time." came EDI's quiet voice from all around the cabin.

They froze before their lips touched and regretfully pulled apart, Kaidan blushing furiously as Shepard chuckled at the timely interruption that was beginning to be a hallmark of EDI's. Shepard turned to look knowingly at Kaidan before cocking his head up at the 'direction' of the voice.

"Ah, I- Thank you EDI, we'll be right down," Kaidan replied, looking up at the supposed 'source' of the voice, "And stop calling me Commander," Kaidan added almost in afterthought.

"Of course... Major Alenko," came EDI's succinct reply.

Kaidan sighed again, unaware as Shepard's lips caught him delicately off guard, swirling through the taste and feel of the other man's kisses. Shepard pulled away, grinning smugly as Kaidan looked lost and slightly out of breath and the sudden loss of contact.

"Come on... Commander, we shouldn't keep the rest of the crew waiting," Shepard grinned, all thoughts of lost memories forgotten. Kaidan wondered at how easily the other man shifted aside such concerns. Maybe it was something he needed to explore, but he didn't want to ruin the small moments of mischievous happiness that Shepard found sometimes.

"Stop calling me that, _Lieutenant_ ," Kaidan growled out.

Shepard stood and gave him a sloppy salute. "I'm sorry sir, I wouldn't want to be court-marshalled for insubordination."

Kaidan stood up and moved quickly over to the other man, making Shepard blink at the sudden shift and take a step back, but Kaidan wasn't having any of it. He grabbed Shepard's free hand and pulled up close next to his lover's ear and made his voice gruff and husky, laced with sexual desire.

"Mmm. You're right there, Lieutenant. The penalties for insubordination can be..." Kaidan pulled the other man's hand onto his swelling erection as he spoke, " _stiff_ and _hard_. It'll be a _prolonged_ amount of punishment, if you're not careful." Kaidan very gently used his tongue to lick the edge of Shepard's ear, letting hot breath mist out across his skin and he felt Shepard shudder with want.

Shepard was also beginning to whimper at that voice in his ear and was leaning in for more of it when Kaidan neatly stepped aside and smiled back at a very confused Shepard. "Come on, John. Everyone's waiting on us."

Kaidan chuckled as Shepard's eyes narrowed.

"You've become an evil man, Kaidan Alenko," Shepard said with amusement and Kaidan had to chuckle at that.

The man was going to make him pay for that later and Kaidan couldn't keep the anticipation at the thought from showing on his face as they made their way to the CIC.

*

The Normandy docked almost delicately at the Cipritine Port, one of the largest and most fortified structures on the entire planet. Despite it's megalithic structure, or more probably _because_ of it, the port was one of the first targets during the opening days of the Reaper Invasion.

Kaidan breathed as he stepped out, the sound of helmets and armour rasping quietly as they stepped out onto the platform. The tell-tale signs of destruction and construction were evident everywhere they looked, and Kaidan had been listening to EDI describe the basics of the planetary systems and socio-cultural development in preparation for meeting up with Doctor Anna Chang, the person that they were here to find. It was also an awe inspiring moment for most of the Normandy's crew, especially considering that this was the first time any of them had set foot on the turian homeworld.

The armour and helmets were a necessity that EDI had been adamant about, since radiation levels on Palaven were higher than other types of life-sustaining planets. Added to the fact that the huge destruction left by Reaper planetary bombardment had singed the air with polluting smoke and ash, it was probably safest that they went about on their mission as fully decked-out as possible.

"Commander... Alenko?" a voice called to him near the side of the port exit.

Kaidan turned to the voice and lead the rest of the ground team forward, feeling slightly off about taking the lead. It was always natural to him, to all of them truth be told, whenever Shepard took the lead and the rest of them followed in his wake. Times were changing.

Kaidan stopped in front of a decidedly feminine looking turian, who had wide, slate-coloured eyes and delicate facial markings that twirled over her facical plates. She was rather petite-looking considering the martial look of most turians.

"Ah, actually it's Major. Major Alenko," Kaidan replied in greeting, taking the turian's hand in a handshake.

The turian nodded perfunctorily, belying the beautiful and tender look that her features granted to her. Well, it made sense that even the most gentle of turians gave off a fierce and dominating aura.

"My name is Naraya. It's a pleasure, and an honour, to meet you. And the rest of you." Naraya said, her eyes pausing slightly longer on Shepard, in a new, dark N7 armour, though Kaidan wasn't sure whether or not she was aware of who was inside it. The old piece had been scrapped after they'd found him, and though this one lacked the modifications that Shepard had installed over the years, it would do for a peaceful visit. At least Kaidan had high hopes that their visit would remain peaceful. Naraya turned swiftly, pacing their walk into the dock and leaving the rest of them to follow after her. Decidedly turian.

Kaidan was expecting a large, cavernous reception hall of sorts from the exit and was surprised to see that the port exit lead straight onto a large raised platform that overlooked the vast, majestic view of Palaven's capital. Despite himself, he stopped to stare and was embarrassingly gratified that he wasn't the only one.

There was a stark, angular beauty to the turian homeworld. Mostly everything gleamed in the light, shining silver and steel where it wasn't scorched by gunfire and shattered. The buildings were enormous, dwarfing anything that would be commonly seen on Earth. Kaidan stared at the closest building, looking like a military fortification of some kind, bristling with rebuilt armaments and swarming figures hauling replacements and pieces of metal. There were guns _everywhere_. Of all shapes and sizes, trained at the sky, at the horizon and at the ground, and Kaidan wondered if it was an inbuilt genetic fascination of the turian people.

"The hospital took quite a blow during the War. Most of the Reapers seemed intent with wiping out as many of our populace as they could," Naraya waved in the direction of the building that Kaidan had been admiring. That was a _hospital_? It looked like it could take down a Reaper on its own and Kaidan wondered if that was what a hospital looked like, then what would the buildings meant for war be covered in.

James's whistle sounded through the air as they each, in turn, took in the strange vista around them. "Is that why it has so many guns, _chica_? To protect the patients from the Reapers?"

Naraya paused a moment at the unfamiliar term then shot James a look that clearly showed she was attempting to reign in her patience. "Among other reasons," she spoke slowly, as if to a child, "Every building in Palaven is armed. If it is not, then the armaments are hidden and therefore, more dangerous."

" _Every_ building on Palaven is armed?" Kaidan blurted out in surprise.

Naraya shot him a quizzical look before proceeding towards what seemed a large, thick, floating disc with a high and complex railing running along its circumference.

"Of course. Though priority is always given to the necessities. The more strategically important a structure is, the more fortified it is. Among these are our hospitals, centres of learning, atmosphere and food generators and government establishments." Naraya shook her head in open wonder. "Honestly, you aliens ask the strangest questions."

They approached the large platform, what Kaidan was beginning to understand as a turian version of a transportation vehicle, though one he'd never seen in other parts of the galaxy, and Naraya went over to one of many panels that dotted the circumference railing. Kaidan watched as she fiddled with the controls and felt an accompanying hum as lights brightened along the floor and it shifted slightly, moving away from the port.

"Naraya, um, where are we going?" Kaidan asked, feeling a step behind. He'd been so caught up with experiencing Palaven that he had almost forgotten about their mission.

Naraya turned a look at him that seemed to bring doubt as to whether he truly was in charge. Kaidan refused to shift under the scrutiny. "You are here to restock and resupply your vessel with dextro-based consumables as well as to collect a human doctor under the name of Anna Chang. Is this correct... Major?"

"I, uh... Yes."

Naraya turned, apparently believing that she had made her point. "Then that is where we are heading. The hospital I mentioned is one of the few remaining structures left for tending to the sick and wounded. It is also one of our most well equipped medical centres. Doctor Anna Chang is currently working and residing there along with a group of other medical professionals of varying species. The hospital is under the purview of the Turian Patriarchy, and contains adjoining logistics headquarters where you will be able to requisition the supplies that you require," she finished crisply.

Well, Kaidan thought, that was that then. Making him feel like a ten-year old in the process instead of a well-versed Alliance officer, but at least they were on their way.

The three of them watched silently as the scene shifted around their passage, Shepard leaning casually against the railing as he stared down at the ground that they hovered over. James was watching the port recede into the horizon and Kaidan tracked the sight, watching the armaments bristling on top and at the side of the platform followed them briefly before returning to their previous positions. He also noticed that, again, guns were pointing up and below as well.

"Ah, Naraya? I, um, if you don't mind. Why are there some... armaments pointing down? Toward the ground?" Kaidan asked curiously as he moved towards Shepard who was still staring below them.

Naraya turned sharply at the question as Kaidan could have sworn he saw a flash of tight anger flicker across her features before it regained its neutrality. She turned back toward their destination as she spoke, voice bland. "Even within our homes, there is always the risk of danger. We must be ever vigilant and ever wary of an attack from every angle. It has saved us before, many times over, and it will continue to protect Palaven when I last draw breath and return to the pull of the Spirits."

Kaidan was trying to interpret the jumbled sentence as he stared over the railing, trying to see what it was that Shepard saw. From what he had heard from Naraya, he was expecting a vast, untamed wilderness that teamed with savage wildlife. A threat to the rising civilization above.

Kaidan watched as figures came into focus. Despite the gleaming silver shells of the spires and monuments around them, there was darkness and shadow as it dipped  closer to the ground. What he mistook for shadows looked far more... tangible than that. He watched closely and began to pick out signs of rust and metallic degradation the closer his gaze moved towards the base of each building. There was vegetation between each building, but it was sparse and hardy. Even from up here, he could see the broad, reddish-browns and thick, squat designs that spoke of a resilient flora type. Some parts were twined around the base of a few structures and seemed to creep and darken what metal they touched.

The shadows right at the base continued to writhe a shift and for a moment Kaidan wondered if they were another form of life living along the bottom of the city. A slow and uneasy chill crept along his back as he stared, picking up shapes and movements.

They were turians. Quite a few of them. Huddled at the base of the buildings, clustered around small havens of light and heat. Kaidan watched in stunned amazement as the groups ebbed and flowed around one another, sometimes crashing and swallowing up in what looked to be brutal melees that left several darker, still shadows in their wake. Bodies. And there were no reactions from the other groups along the periphery. The emerging dark blob surged toward the small dot of light and laid claim to their prize. It made Kaidan sick just watching the anarchy and bedlam playing out before him.

"Insurgents," Shepard whispered softly to him, catching him by surprise and almost making him jump back.

"Ah, John, what?" Kaidan gabbled.

Shepard turned to him and smiled sadly at him through the helmet, the humour never reaching his eyes. "Insurgents, rebels, anarchists, dissenters. Call them what you will, Kaidan. That's who they are. Every civilization has their own... forms of this. The people who are worth and seen as less than nothing, left to their own devices to rot in the shadows of society. I was one myself," Shepard's face turned pensive and solemn, "You'll never know what it does, the hunger and fear. More animal than man. It drives you to desperation and hopelessness and you'd do anything, Kaidan, anything to escape it."

"John..." Kaidan began, preparing for an impending mental attack.

Shepard shrugged the thoughts away casually, like they weren't even worth the bother. "I'm guessing that's why the guns are pointing down as well. They say that prevention is better than cure, and those guns, well, they're a damn big sign telling those people down there to stop and think of the consequences if they decide to do something stupid and rebel against the Patriarchy. I'm actually surprised at the numbers that are still around, not to mention who knows how many war survivors are down there. I'm guessing the Reapers took most of their... 'troop stock' from these cast aways."

Kaidan didn't know what to say, wanting more than anything to comfort Shepard from the memories. "John, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that it was, you know, so bad back then..."

Shepard shrugged and sent a familiar, old grin at Kaidan, "Hey, it's alright Kaidan. It made me who I am today, and after everything that had happened, it made me want to be a part of something greater. Of order and rules. It made me want to join the Alliance. Where I met one stuttering, loving, _horny_ , brown-eyed biotic with whom I share a life with. I think it was worth it."

Kaidan blushed furiously at the description, he did not stutter that badly, and he tried to say something in response. His mind failed him and in any case, Shepard was already turning back to watch the ground as the thoughts churned in Kaidan's mind. Was that what he was seeing before him, he wondered at Shepard's back. The contrasts between the light and dark of his lover, like the gleaming silver and writhing shadows of the mighty shell of an empire around them. The thought left him vaguely sickened. As he turned back towards their destination and left Shepard to his own thoughts, Kaidan couldn't help but recall the wave of black and neglect creeping up towards the metal heights. He wondered, in Shepard's case, whether the shadow or the light was winning.

*

They had reached the hospital without incident, thankfully, and Naraya was speaking to a turian staff member trying to get them access to one of the labs where Doctor Chang was working. Despite the slight Alliance presence in the building, the turians in general were wary about allowing them into one of the areas that was considered a safe and isolated part of their society and despite the inter-species relations, there were some prejudices that were still present.

Kaidan watched as nurses and doctors bustled through the area, some were asari or salarian, and he marvelled at how to collective races of the galaxy were collaborating and rebuilding together. It gave him hope, especially considering that the man that had brought them all together was standing idly next to him and observing the comings and goings without word. James had two fingers pressed into the side of his helmet, and from the scrunched up eyes showing through the transparent face shield, he was probably speaking and laughing with Cortez. Kaidan hoped that the man would ask James to requisition any extra particular items that they'd need. He didn't think they'd be coming back to Palaven anytime soon and he would have preferred if the Normandy was as fully stocked as possible.

Naraya finished speaking with the other turian and motioned with her head for them to follow her through the building, and they silently complied. They walked past medical offices, wards and a host of what looked to be surgical theatres and operation rooms as they continued along toward a narrow tunnel that could probably only fit three of them abreast at most. Kaidan was fascinated by what he saw around him, especially considering his first-aid and medic background, and he burned with a hundred questions to ask their host. But her stoic and ramrod straight march ahead of them stilled those thoughts without much effort and Kaidan hoped that they would at least be passed onto a turian who was more... amenable to inquisitive humans.

They approached an unusually large door at the end of the tunnel and Naraya waved her omni-tool and activated the unlocking protocols, her face bored as she waited for the door to unlock. As soon as the interface clicked an acceptance, she turned towards them and eyed them consideringly before speaking.

"This is the experimental Research and Development wing, class B, where you'll find Doctor Chang and her associates. I was not given clearance to enter the labs, so you'll have to proceed forward on your own."

Kaidan glanced around in puzzlement at his comrades. The tight-mouthed turians would just allow them to walk through a research and development lab unattended?

Naraya seemed to understand what he was thinking and brought her gaze up to the lip of the open portal.

"Do not worry, the area is under constant surveillance. If anything should happen, we will know and respond with haste. Do not take too long, I will be here, ready to escort you back to your ship. You should be able to find her in Section 19. Most of your people are stationed there along with a few others."

And that was that apparently, as she stepped aside and resumed a quiet vigil against the side of the hall.

Kaidan heaved a breath, grateful for being free from Naraya's scrutiny but nervous at flying blind through the labs. He took point, nodding once amicably to the turian before he stepped away from her and into the labs, which at the moment consisted of a small room. He turned around, hoping to find some seal or doorway which he would be able to pass through, but his circuit around the small enclosure was without result.

A sudden vertiginous pull sent him stumbling into Shepard, who smiled and propped him up against the wall. James had kept his footing as well and was about to open his mouth to tease him, Kaidan was sure, when the sudden downward pull stopped suddenly, sending both James and himself stumbling yet again. Well, Kaidan was pleased that Shepard of all people managed to look like he was on flat, solid ground, Kaidan thought sourly and with a tiny bit of envy. How the hell did he even do that and not be able to find the coordination to dance?

The opposite wall suddenly split down the middle as a mechanical voice quipped through the lift.

"Research and Development. Level Three."

Kaidan was glad that he had been leaning against Shepard and he felt silly that his mouth had dropped open at the unfurling sight, glad that the other two couldn't see his expression from behind.

The labs were _enormous_. The lift entrance rested on an elevated platform that had sliding apertures that lead to the base floor of the labs. High vaulted ceilings disappeared into a greyish haze, too high for him to pick up the details of the top of the area. The floor and equipment stretched as far as his eye could see, turning into a pseudo-horizon as it curved around his field of view and disappeared to the sides. With every turn of his head, he picked out more and more instruments and devices and research cubicles that seemed to go on forever. And the _people_. A vast majority were turians, but it was the sheer number that startled him. They were literally everywhere, climbing up against the sides of mystifying devices, walking along the prescribed paths between work areas and it was basically a shifting sea of bodies. Kaidan groaned inwardly as he considered. How on earth were they going to find a single, human doctor in this mess? And how the hell were they actually being monitored in this?

Shepard apparently had recovered faster than he did and nudged him softly in his side, motioning to the floating holo-vids that were the first things anyone exiting the lift would see. Kaidan had the good grace to blush, letting himself be caught up in the sight before him that he would ignore the signboard that would lead them around.

" _Dios_ , this is _loco_. I mean, who'd have thought, this was hiding under the turian homeworld the whole time. _Dios mio_..." Kaidan heard James mutter as they moved up to interpret the signage and was proud that he was better at keeping his awe in check. It really was an inspiring and intimidating sight.

"Section 19... Section 19... It's this way." Kaidan said, mostly to himself, momentarily forgetting about their problems and concerns as they made their way toward the sector. His suit's external enviro-sensors announced that the radiation levels and atmospheric readings were within acceptable ranges, so Kaidan thought for a moment before triggering the helmet release and stowed it along his hip, opposite his pistol. He was glad to be finally out of the confining thing and was pleased to see the other two men imitating his action with sighs of relief.

Kaidan felt stunned by everything that he was seeing and he noticed that even Shepard was wide-eyed and grinning at all the different things that they had walked past, side-stepping scientists and personnel who were completely ignoring them as they went about their business. James looked like he was a kid at Christmas, hell a kid living through a hundred Christmases at once, judging from the enraptured look on his face. Kaidan wondered if James would be telling Cortez about the marvels that they were looking at and whether the shuttle pilot cum requisitions officer would ask to move to the turian homeworld for permanent residency. A highly likely chance, Kaidan mused.

They had just passed what looked like an experimental surgical table of sorts as it delved delicately into the chest cavity of a synthetic turian dummy. Kaidan watched in amazement as it began the process of replacing organs within the cavity and suturing veins and cuts while simultaneously monitoring fake feeds and data. What was amazing was the speed, and before he knew it, the 'surgery' was over. The scientists and doctors were typing away furiously on data-pads as the considered the information they had gathered though Kaidan was sure that having two plastic stomach sets outside the body counted as a minus. At least, he thought that turians only had one stomach apiece.

"Here it is, Section 19," Shepard spoke up from a little ways ahead and Kaidan sheepishly walked over to the man and looked slightly embarrassed at the fact that he had stopped and stared at the procedure like he was on a shopping trip.

"Uh, Loco, maybe you and the Major should, you know, go on ahead. I'll sit this one out and wait for you guys... here. Or something." James was saying from a little further down and Kaidan moved forward, wondering what had snared the marine's attention.

He walked up next to James and stared through a pane of dark glass. Kaidan cupped his hands around the surface and tried to peer through, though without result and wondered idly why James was so caught up with the object. He was about to turn and ask when a tiny pinprick of light shone through the glass, illuminating the device it was shielding. It was a device that Kaidan had never seen before in his life, a huge monstrosity that was covered in bits of tech and machinery, bulbous and gigantic, as it narrowed to a point. It sparked and hummed as energy gathered around it and before Kaidan could ask what James had seen, it fired.

A beam of white, so pure and sharp it seemed to slice the glass apart, shot across the empty space and struck what looked to be a reinforced piece of metal that was at least several meters thick. The beam was there for only a split second and despite the presence of the shielded glass, the afterimage was burned into his eyes, a purple horizon cutting through the room. And apparently, that was all the time that was needed for the beam to completely vaporize several tonnes of reinforced metal.

" _Dios_ , Major. D'you think we could get one for the Normandy?" James breathed almost lustily as his eyes caressed the device in a loving fashion. "We could ask the Admiral, I'm sure he'd let us get one."

Kaidan grinned at the younger man, "James, why the hell do we need something like that for? Anyway, it's experimental so it'll probably blow us, and half the ship, up if we try to use it."

"Who cares, Major! I'm sure we could replace our Thannix Cannons with that baby. Man, it looks so awesome. I wonder what else it'll cut through like that..."

Kaidan shook his head at the earnestness that poured from the muscled marine. "You know, I'm pretty sure that if we use that as a weapon, uh, it'll drain all the power out of the engine core."

James wasn't paying attention to him anymore as the white dot began to glow again and Kaidan turned and left him to it, hoping that he wouldn't find any trouble until the got back.

Shepard was leaning against a stack of crates and he grinned as Kaidan made his way back to him.

"You saw the big gun, Kaidan?" Shepard couldn't help but grin.

"Yeah John. I saw it. Not you too, huh?"

"Well, I can imagine all the good we could do with it..." Shepard whined.

Kaidan snorted. "Yeah, like blowing up a planet. Look at it John, what the hell are we going to use something like that for?"

Shepard grinned openly at the question and Kaidan was sure that he didn't want to know what the other man thought of doing with a weapon that destructive.

"Look, let's just go and find the doctor, get her on board and get out of here. I think there's too much dangerous, um, stuff here that I should have asked Steve and EDI here with me instead." Kaidan began moving towards the section entrance as Shepard cast a longing look behind him, watching James crow as another hunk of metal was obliterated.

"You know, I like it when you're so bossy, Kaidan."

"John..."

"Lead the way, Commander Alenko."

Kaidan groaned and tried to playfully swat at the man as they stepped into an austere, white... room of some kind. It was slightly colder than the area behind them though Kaidan could still see the grey of the lab's ceiling and guessed that there was a mag-shield probably keeping the air trapped within the area. There were a lot of table tops, mostly white as well, and filled with neat stacks of data-pads, files, books and metallic objects that Kaidan hadn't a clue about.

There were fewer people than the traffic outside, moving around quietly, not even looking up at the two new arrivals. Kaidan took the opportunity to call up the doctor's dossier for a brief review before they spoke to her. Born in Korea, moved to Europe and completed her education with honorary distinction at Oxford. Went on to study medicine for the next ten years at multiple institutions and was posted at multiple colonies and systems. Specialized in cross-species interaction and medical practices, even studied under several medical experts from the turian, salarian and asari systems. Medical history and records classified.

Kaidan looked at the picture of the doctor in the dossier, showing a slim, petite and beautiful woman with raven hair and slanted, almond-shaped eyes that were a warm brown. Kaidan closed the file, guessing it should be too hard to find the woman when he felt Shepard stiffen next to him. Wondering what had caused the reaction, he turned to see Shepard wide-eyed and apprehensive, staring at an approaching salarian.

Kaidan placed a hand on his pistol, hoping that he didn't need to use it as he stepped in front of Shepard and studied the creature. The salarian was missing an eye and a good portion of the right side of its face, though its remaining eye looked sharp, if a little unformed. Its skin was criss-crossed with scars and inert flesh that mounded horrendously across its features almost obscuring the unique maroonish-white shades across the rest of its face. Kaidan also noticed that both its horns were shorn very short for a salarian, and Kaidan wondered what on earth had happened to the poor fellow.

Shepard's voice came weakly from behind as he place a shaking hand on Kaidan's shoulder, stepping up past him as he looked the salarian in the face.

"Mordin?" Shepard asked quietly, disbelief painting his features.

"Ah, Shepard," the salarian said, voice weak and raspy. "How can I help?"

"Oh god, Mordin... I..." Shepard couldn't finish what he was going to say as he tentatively reached out a hand to the salarian's face then though better of it and let his hand fall back against his side.

Despite the gravity of the situation, the salarian- Mordin, Kaidan told himself- smiled slightly, cocking his head in an almost bird-like fashion.

"Hmm. I'm sure you're wondering. Yes yes, managed krogan cure dispersal admirably. Overrode salarian sabotage of spire, though not without consequence. Yes, always consequences, every action has an equal and opposing re-

"Mordin, please. I... What happened to you after the... I mean, why didn't you try to-" Shepard stumbled over his words, clearly overwhelmed by the chance meeting with an old friend.

"Contact you? Hmm. Complicated, Shepard. Salarians, known for their speed. Was in STG you know, was not a part of illustrious group by chance. No no no, am old, but can still infiltrate and travel covertly. After krogan cure dispersed into Tuchanka's atmosphere, tried to make it out of control room. Difficult, overriding protocols, rerouting firewall blocks. But succeeded, yes, managed to complete task with time to spare. Though fire was... problematic." Mordin chirped on.

"I bet," Shepard replied, getting some of his equilibrium back as the familiar banter washed over him.

"Indeed. Exit to base of spire obstructed, was contemplating searching for emergency escape tunnel. Should have been part of design, but haste not conducive for rational thinking. Couldn't remember exit's location. Fire began to spread toward the control system, left with no other alternative Shepard," Mordin took a deep breath after that. Kaidan would have though the man needed to refill his lungs after expelling so much air, though he might have thought it was a... sigh of some kind. Maybe. Kaidan had never met the unique doctor, though he'd heard Shepard's tales about his quirky friend.

"Jumped out the window," Mordin concluded.

Shepard looked stunned by the statement and Kaidan started when he heard Shepard suddenly laugh a quick bark. Shepard was not someone who laughed easily, smile yes, but he almost never laugh out loud, at least not with anyone other than around Kaidan himself, that he knew of anyway. Kaidan was sure that short laugh was equivalent to a normal person laughing hysterically as they rolled around the floor.

Mordin's smile rose slightly as he got into his retelling, turning and gesturing them toward the back of the room, near what looked like a large, office-like desk of some kind. Kaidan supposed that it was Mordin's office.

"Yes, out the window. Would have thought falling to death, poor alternative to burning alive, but calculations indicated otherwise. Material from garment proved sufficient in providing friction, increasing surface volume of body. Not easy, no no, never easy, calculating impact of gravity over force of jump multiplied by distance required to travel. Had no idea what the accelerating force would be. Supplanted theoretical system. Worked partially, am proud," Mordin ran a hand across his face as he moved behind the desk while indicating that they should sit as well, "Of course, results varying with determiner. Consequences of miscalculations led to... this."

Shepard grinned as he got into the swing of the conversation though Kaidan had to admit he was slightly turned around by what Mordin was saying. "So you're saying you jumped out the window and got caught in the backlash of the blast and fell face first onto Tuchanka? I'm surprised Kalros didn't have you for breakfast. Or dinner."

"What? No, doubtful that such creatures operate off systematic feeding schedules. Remarkably adapted to surviving any conditions. Am glad, not interested in eating half-dead salarian."

"So am I Mordin. So how did you survive?" Shepard asked.

"Hmm. Concussion from fall, multiple fractures and haemorrhagic contusions. Survivability was... problematic. Discovered by remnant krogan band, looking to salvage technology from spire. And destroyed Reaper. Found me instead. Nursed back to health, though medical practices, undesirable. Understatement. Failed to die, did not end life as intended, therefore concluded during recovery, life had other purpose. Theoretical analysis proves, odds of survival minimal at best. Still needed to complete legacy, leave behind more than memory."

Mordin waved both arms around at the tiny, white office, drawing their attention to the room and the people in it.

"Knew of turian research system during time with STG. But Palaven, under threat by Reapers. Couldn't come just yet, difficult to infiltrate. Wanted to be here, truly Shepard, but Reaper presence adjusted survivability rates to below zero. Problematic, most problematic. Stayed on Tuchanka, hid presence away as war continued. Tried to establish clinic, like Omega, but not what was needed. After war ended, took first transport available to Palaven, founded small group, willing, eager, to continue research. Drive of knowledge and understanding. Remarkable, Shepard, most remarkable."

"Yeah, it's nice to leave something behind that isn't war or death," Shepard agreed contemplatively, earning him a sharp look from Kaidan. Kaidan slid his armoured hand into Shepard's and gave a reassuring squeeze, glad that the man returned the gesture before continuing.

"Yes, had to be me. No one else understood, could even contemplate, sheer amount of knowledge. Am old Shepard, not going to have much time. Idea was established during time spent on Omega, but no time, no time, to complete work. Now, with turian resources and drive to know, can finally complete work. Will leave it with you, if you want."

"And what's that Mordin?" Shepard inquired and Kaidan had to admit, his curiosity was piqued.

Instead of answering, Mordin keyed in something into his omni-tool and jerkily waved it at an interface on his desk, bringing up his other hand to stifle a small, wet cough.

The interface swirled sent out a beam that coalesced into a miniature figure of the doctor sitting before them, though much healthier and younger, wearing an odd looking uniform.

"Mordin VI, ready for perusal. System availability at 94 percent. What do you need?" came the slightly distorted version of Mordin's voice from the device.

Shepard gazed wonderingly at the shifting figure as he turned back to look at Mordin. "You created a VI of yourself?" he asked, slightly in awe.

Mordin jerked a quick nod at them, looking at his creation with what appeared to be fondness. "Yes, yes. Legacy, important but salarian lifespan too limited to accomplish much for single individual. Have seen much, Shepard, would be waste if all experiences gone with me. Decided finally, had to create system, leave something for others to use. Referring to mistakes made... problematic. Knowledge lost, victors erase truth. Eventually forgotten by next generation. So created solution. Had to be me. Now, always me. Anyone else, _everyone_ else, would have gotten it wrong."

Shepard reached through the hologram, disrupting the miniature figure as he reached out to grasp the salarian's aged and scarred hands. His voice shone with unshed tears and gratitude.

"Yes, Mordin. I know. It had to be you, someone else would have definitely gotten it wrong," Shepard whispered, knowing that this might probably be the last time he'd see Mordin alive. "I... Thank you Mordin. For everything." He glanced back at the hologram, glad that at least part of his friend would be preserved in this way.

Mordin smiled as he pulled his hand away. "Yes, Shepard. No, not everything. But enough. Ah, uncomfortable situation developing. Am aware that humans are emotional species. See that my rejection during time with Cerberus not enough to dissuade you from romantic interest, Shepard. Am flattered, really. Hero of galaxy, destroyer of Reapers. Would be lying, if didn't admit possibility for romantic interlude. But am old Shepard, am aware pheromones not affecting me in similar ways to other mating systems. Have to regretfully say, still not interested in considering long term romantic involvement. But am pleased to see you still show interest. Flattering."

Though Shepard was grinning throughout the whole thing, Kaidan blanched at what he heard, and he hoped he was mistaken. Shepard had shown a romantic interest in the aged salarian doctor? Well, that made this situation more than uncomfortable. He wasn't going say anything, he shouldn't even be...

"Ah, John... Really? You wanted to, uh, you were interested in... Mordin?" Kaidan blurted, feeling a slight pull of jealousy within him and wondered at sounding like a teenager with a secret crush.

"Huh? What?" Shepard turned to him, face shifting to one of shock and amusement. "No, Kaidan! God no. It wasn't like that, I was just trying to get to know the crew better and-"

"Ah, Shepard," Mordin butted in, clearly assuming he was still the subject under discussion, "Am aware of complex coping mechanism biological organisms employ at times of rejection. Understand, it is difficult to accept. Truth then, as it is now. Too old to show interest in anyone Shepard, not just you. Am more partial to salarian mate for breeding. Sorry to have disrupted your emotional state, especially considering pressures of mission. Realized too late how important it was for you. Did consider accepting, anyone else might have gotten it wrong, but no, couldn't, not for you, for galaxy. In the end, didn't matter."

Kaidan was turning a brilliant shade of red and was trying to get the words out of his mouth. "I... What, John? Breeding? Oh my god..."

Shepard was beginning to look panicked now, eyes darting back and forth between Mordin and Kaidan. "Kaidan, no. Listen to me, that's not what happened. Nothing happened between me and Mordin, really. I was just being friendly, he misunderstood, I swear-"

"Hmm," Mordin interrupted again, "Yes. Yes, yes, can see clearly now, Shepard. Am glad, inter-species romance recommended. Emotional support necessary during times of emotional stress. Congratulations in order, Shepard. This way, awkward intervention from external source unnecessary. Will forward you information packets if interested. Human, biotic. Possibility for increased adherence between biotics mating... high. Sending file over to you now, Shepard. Should prove useful, especially pertaining to methodology involving use of biotic mass effect field to stimulate physical response. Now, can enquire, what do you need Shepard? Need something from old, salarian doctor?"

Shepard was cradling his head in his hands by the time Mordin had finished and Kaidan was turning an interesting shade of maroon by the time everything was winding down. Kaidan didn't even know where to begin, whether or not the doctor was serious or having the world's biggest joke at their expense. He had to clear his throat several times before he could speak up, though it was impossible to completely remove the redness in his cheeks. He had a distinct feeling that Shepard was actually _giggling_ into his hands.

"Ah, Doct- Mordin. We, um, we're not really here to discuss that. About Shepard, and I... I mean, we're here, looking for a Doctor Anna Chang? Small, petite woman? We've been, ah, sent by the Alliance to request for her inclusion into our... team." Kaidan opened, glad to be discussing something other that the topic previously. Anything was better than that.

Mordin's single remaining eye looked thoughtful for a moment before he stood abruptly. "Doctor? Many doctors present. One in particular? Doctor Chang, great asset to work here. Provided many interesting template layouts for schematic into cross-species bio-chemical intergratory systems. Would prefer if she remain but, understand the need. Normandy requires competent professional in medical field. Would have been pleased to join again, life more interesting there. But am old. Difficult to manoeuvre during space flight. Stability required for aging salarian skeletal structure."

Mordin walked towards the door and turned immediately to a desk that looked more like a secretary's, Shepard and Kaidan both following closely now that they were getting closer to their goal. Mordin stopped in front of the desk, and Kaidan thought that the salarian was going to ask her to fetch Doctor Chang for them.

"As per request, Shepard and romantic interest of Shepard, Doctor Chang. Doctor, Alliance marines. Requesting your presence on board Normandy. Position recommended by myself and Alliance superiors. Recommend acceptance, though reluctant to part ways. But necessary, necessary. You won't get so much of it wrong."

Kaidan stared. It was the politest term that he could think of. _This_ was Doctor Chang?

The woman who sat there distractedly staring at them was petite-looking and Kaidan could see traces of the beauty in her face that he'd seen in her file. But small _definitely_ wasn't the term that he'd associate with the woman. Apparently months during and after the war had been exceedingly... kind to the doctor. Her white uniform strained against her bulk and her added shortness only emphasized the extra fat and weight around her. Her chin scrunched up as she tilted her head down to study them and Kaidan could see the sleeves of her uniform bunch against the fat in her arms as she brought her arms up across an exceedingly ample bosom.

"Hello doctor. I'm Com- Lieutenant Shepard and this is Major Kaidan Alenko," Shepard opened amicably, nudging Kaidan slightly as he moved forward, "We've been sent by Alliance brass to request your aid aboard the Normandy."

Kaidan watched as her eyes widened with adorable, child-like glee at the names.

"I... Oh! Oh god! Shepard? Commander Shepard? As in the hero? War hero? Well, it has to be, I mean, you said the Normandy didn't you? Didn't you? That's... Alliance brass? They want me aboard the Normandy? To help?" The last ended in an almost squeak and Kaidan tried to hide a grin by stepping forward and speaking up.

"Yes, doctor. Alliance brass sent us your file. We have a mission that we have to undertake and, ah, Admiral Hackett personally recommended your inclusion. He says you're one of the best."

"Oh. No, no no. I can't, I just can't. I'm needed here. There's so much to do and, I mean it really is a great honour, truly. But my research and my work... Really? You're really Commander Shepard? I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't be anyone else but... I always thought that you'd be taller."

Kaidan _had_ to chuckle at that, at the doctor's earnestness and the blanch from Shepard at that particular statement. Kaidan was really starting to like her, despite the nervous energy she was speaking with. Probably something that she picked up from the salarian doctor.

Mordin turned a strict eye on her, hands folded against his narrow chest as he narrowed his eye. "Doctor Chang. Focus paramount to mission and personal development. Understand, work here invaluable to scientific progress. But military requests important, request from Shepard even more. Understand reluctance, difficult to decide when factors dictate a mutually exclusive scenario between personal research and duty."

Doctor Chang swivelled to face Mordin, and Kaidan was taken aback by the tears in her eyes and the soft almost pitiful expression on her face. "But... but, Doctor Solus, really... I can't leave all of you behind. I mean, the work that we've done on the turian-salarian cross medical interface is only just being implemented! How can I... No! I won't even consider it! There has to be someone else."

Mordin stepped forward in a threatening manner, and Kaidan was surprised at the dangerous gleam in the apparently harmless salarian's remaining eye. He decided he'd have to be more aware about how dangerous the salarian truly was.

"No! No one else! Haven't learned enough, Chang? Mission success factors indicate that presence on board the Normandy equates to higher probability of success. Aware of difficulty, but aware that military command calculates all probable options. Weighing, considering. Difficult for lesser minds to understand, need you to represent medical experience. Work with species interfaces, genius. Even cannot comprehend fully, the situational developments you created. But basic foundation completed. Work will progress, VI presence will aid in development. You have to go."

Kaidan thought that Mordin was perhaps being a little harsh. The delicate looking Asian woman looked on the point of bursting into tears at the dismissal and Kaidan wondered if either he or Shepard should intervene and try to calm the situation down. One look at Shepard however, showed that the man was casually leaning against the desk, one ear on the conversation while his eyes looked lost in thought. Yes, even though it was harsh, the better their tools and resources, the faster they could reach the root cause of Shepard's mental digressions. Maybe even come up with a solution to indoctrination. And they needed proof, absolute proof, before they could even call it that. Kaidan would never allow himself to forget that, the reason that they were on this wild chase in the first place.

"Oh, but... but Doctor Solus..." A stern glare from Mordin cut off that line of thought, leaving Doctor Chang to take in a hiccupping breath before continuing, head hung in defeat. "I... Alright, doctor. Alright. I'll pack my things. I'm so sorry doctor, truly I wish I could stay and-"

Mordin reached a comforting hand and laid it on Doctor Chang's large shoulder. A small smile broke over his face. "No, doctor. No. Never sorry, necessity insists that priorities shift. Learned much under my tutelage, am proud of you. Very proud. Highly recommended for dangerous missions, though am concerned for safety. No one else could do better. Will keep you linked through to labs, update you accordingly on development of work. Will assign Harper and Syrus to continue work. Should be... interesting."

Doctor Chang dabbed at her eyes as she nodded acceptance and turned her wondering eyes back on the two of them. Definitely child-like, or like a lost puppy who knew you were going to take it home. It worried Kaidan that someone so lacking in militaristic characters would come so highly recommended by Admiral Hackett, but he trusted the man at least enough to know what he was doing.

"Anyway, Commander... Major... I mean, oh, I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm still a little shaken up by the... Anyway, so. If you'll give me a few minutes, I'll get my things and we can go on our way. I don't have much, except what's inside here," Doctor Chang said, tapping her head absently as her eyes roved across her desk, "But it should be enough. I mean, I'm not really sure if... But no. Yes. I'd be honoured to join the Normandy."

Kaidan butted in before she could continue rambling. He really did wonder if she had picked up the fast speech patterns from Mordin. "Actually, Doctor Chang. We'll be docked on Cipritine for another... twenty-one hours. You'll have plenty of time to-"

"Major Alenko," EDI voice broke through on his personal ear comm-piece.

"Uh, yes, EDI?" Kaidan said, activating the comm-piece.

"We have an emergency transmission, Major. Code Ceta encryption from an unknown source."

Well, Kaidan thought, Code Ceta wasn't anything too life threatening, though it did indicate that it was something he'd definitely need to look into soon.

"Um, do you think it can wait until we got back to the Normandy? I mean, we're in the middle of something and we, uh, we still need to arrange for the delivery of goods from..." Kaidan replied, glancing once more at Doctor Chang as she began to pick up seemingly random pieces of data-pads and files off of her desk. Mordin had retreated to the side and was having a small discussion with Shepard.

"I understand Major," EDI said patiently, "Judging from the contents of the transmission, it would be preferably prudent if you, Shepard and Lieutenant Vega returned to the Normandy with the doctor and provisions before considering the possible outcomes. Due to the source originating from an unknown transmitter, it may be possible that the information is... not genuine, though my diagnostics suggest otherwise."

"Um... Alright EDI. Can you at least tell me what the general message is?" Kaidan asked absently. He wondered if Hackett was calling from Earth, and if there'd been any developments in the indoctrination case, though he'd have thought the man would use a stronger encryption if that was the case.

"Of course Major," EDI responded pleasantly, "From the details in the transmission, I have come to understand that Thessia is under attack."


	8. Influences

Shepard sat crouched, one arm braced tiredly across his thighs as the other stuck out to the side and provided him balance in this dreary place. His free hand dipped down slowly, picking up a handful of soft, white ash and let the stuff swirl around his hand. The wind tugged through his clothes, that shifted slowly into a dark, metal armour, and shifted back. He let go slowly as he stood, the powdery substance a ribbon of white as it drifted up away from him and curled around the empty spaces between dead trees.

_"Shepard..."_

It was a blasted, and forlorn place. One that he'd never seen anywhere in the galaxy, but a sight that was always with him, though it was devoid of its usual inhabitants. He took that as a good sign as he casually strolled forward, inching through the thickening air as the puffs of white at his feet drifted up, instead of down.

His feet kicked something that was hidden under a blanket of white, and curiously, he bent over to pick it up. He turned over the shattered piece of a model ship, what looked to be one of the first that he'd bought back in the day, a model Normandy SR-1. His fingers clenched around it as he thought back, and he could feel the stressed metal and painted surfaces crack and drift apart under his fingers as he watched blankly.

Something... It was something... Important. He couldn't remember, couldn't think about the whats, whys or hows. He just knew. He let the pieces drift away into nothing as he walked onwards, forgetting completely about the broken toy that he had held in his hands just moments ago.

There was something... there... Behind the trees, it looked furtive and hidden. He couldn't make out what it was, but it was the only thing that seemed to break the monotony of the place, so he strode towards it, mind peacefully blank.

_"Shepard.... Shepard..."_

The voices were getting louder, insistent in their calling. He thought that if he just sat down and focused, he would understand what the voice was trying to tell him, might even recognize the owner of the voice. But he couldn't. He didn't want to. And so, he strode on.

_"Shepard... Shepard! Shepard? Sh-Shepard. Shepard?! Shepard... SHEPARD!!!"_

A chorus of banshee keenings cut through him again and again, voices, so many voices, like thick, hot blades driving into his skull. Despite the feeling of detachment he felt for the body he was in, he crouched down and brought his hands up to his hand, cupping his ears in an attempt to stop the bloody racket. It was unbearable, a million, million voices refined into a single bar of song and was thrust into his ears like a piece of equipment. The pain was jarring his spatial awareness and he could see his vision blur as tears stained his eyes, washing down his cheeks. The pain reached a crescendo and he had to lean his weight on his hands as he fought and tried to think, to remember. The ash clung to him in dark grey smudges and the blood, had there been blood, poured over his arms and was soaked up by the hungry ground.

"No. No, No, No. Oh god... Please stop. Ngh... Enough... ENOUGH!"

Like a miracle, the maddening voices in his head stopped. Then suddenly-

"No, Shepard. It will _never_ be enough."

The deep, cackling laugh swept a wave of black over his vision of the desolate forest.

*

Shepard jerked away, sweat pouring over his slicked skin, creating a damp pool of fabric around his naked torso. His breathing was laboured and, for a wonder, Kaidan was still curled up against him, unaware of the trauma that had just slipped through his dreamscape. The room was dim, including the stars shooting up overhead, the lack of blue-shift emissions telling him that they had just cleared the Mass Relay. He gently lowered himself back onto the pillow and jerked as two things hit him simultaneously, causing Kaidan to stir and shift slightly, murmuring sounds at the sudden movement.

The first was that his pillow was _soaked_. He wouldn't even be surprised if his sweat had seeped through onto the mattress beneath it. The second was a sharp pain digging into the bridge of his nose and without thought, he reached up with his free hand to massage the point. This had been the first time he'd felt something like that following that particular dream, and wondered if his 'condition' was worsening.

He wasn't stupid. He was a military commander who was practical and honest, his battlefield instincts honed through years of war-making and large-scale military planning. There was definitely something wrong with him, something that Kaidan and the rest of Alliance brass were worried about and trying to hush up, and while it hurt him that they didn't trust him enough, after everything he'd done, to tell him, he could understand. At least, that's what he told himself. The truth was, he was getting really tired of being buggered in all the wrong ways by people who he trusted with his life. But not Kaidan, never Kaidan.

He turned and planted a soft, delicate kiss onto his lover's forehead, shifting slightly away from that hot body as he moved away from the damp bed area and over to the couch. His nose hurt less, but there was still a tingling sensation of sorts that he'd never felt before. Like a headache that was just at the edge of manifesting, but was holding back for some reason. He snorted at that, thinking of his headache like a living thing. Maybe, Shepard thought to himself, he was going through some PTSD syndrome or some such nonsense, though he'd been cleared from that during his stay at King's Royal. He just couldn't understand.

What he needed was a little fresh air, and the thought sent a wave of anticipation and amusement through him. They were in the middle of space, and a trip outside for 'fresh air' would probably leave him spaced, a cold cube of ice in a Shepard-shaped body that would drift forever in the dark. Wasn't that a pleasant thought. Still, he felt the need to do something, to move and the idea itself was enough to beat back the lingering pain just a little more.

An idea blossomed suddenly in his head, a wonderful and mischievous thought. He wondered if he'd be able to accomplish it. He cast a quick glance over to Kaidan's still sleeping form, wondering if it would be wise to wake the man, but immediately dismissed the thought. Kaidan had a lot riding on his shoulders, and he needed all the rest he could get. It stung that he'd be unable to join any ground teams for fire fights, but he knew in the current state of recovery he was in, he'd probably not be able to hold his own and would jeopardize the health and safety of one or more team members. That would never do. Still, his body ached for something to do, and with any luck, he'd be able to pull this off without anyone being the wiser.

Carefully and quietly, he gathered up his clothes as he sneaked toward the cabin's door, wincing slightly as it hissed open. He cast another glance at Kaidan, seeing the man shift slightly and held his breath, but Kaidan merely turned over onto the drier side of the bed and snuggled into a pillow. For an intense moment, Shepard felt a jolt of love at the sight of his gorgeous lover, so at peace, and wanted nothing more to return to bed, snatch the pillow away from his arms and replace it with his body. But that wouldn't do anything for the thoughts in his head, no matter how appealing. And Kaidan would wake up, worried and fussing. So with that plan decided upon, he turned and tip-toed out into the small, empty chamber outside the cabin to get dressed.

*

"Shepard, might I inquire as to your purpose and intent?"

Shepard was calmly fiddling with the Kodiak's disengagement protocols when a throaty, mechanical voice sounded from somewhere behind his shoulder blade, making him jump almost a foot into the air, even though he knew he should have expected it. He forced himself not to look ashamed or guilty and stifled the urge to look down at his feet as he turned to speaker.

EDI stood directly behind him, arms folded across her chest as she cocked her head in a questioning manner.

"Ah, EDI... I, uh, I didn't really... see you. There." Damn. Of all the times for his charisma and quick wit to fail him...

EDI stared at him for a moment before running her hands along the sides of her body. "As this body's main capacity is infiltration and espionage, it would defeat its purpose if you could 'see it coming', Shepard."

Shepard ran a hand along the back of his neck in a subconscious, nervous gesture. "Um, yeah. You know, I guess you're kinda right EDI." He hoped that EDI would just get bored of the entire thing and leave him to his little plan, but he had forgotten that EDI was a very curious AI with a near infinite capacity for patience.

"Might I inquire as to your purpose and intent?" EDI repeated.

Deciding it would be easier to just deflect her line of questioning, he absently replied while he tinkered with the release protocols. Damn Steve for keeping it so secure.

"Um, I couldn't really sleep, so... I needed something to work on. Keep my mind occupied. Thought I'd come down and... take a look at the Kodiak is all."

At any other time, EDI's look of pure surprise at the ridiculousness of his words would have had him grinning like an idiot. But he needed to get out, needed so badly to just be free from... everything, that he didn't want EDI sounding an alarm of sorts or physically hauling him back to the cabin and chaining him to the bed. With Kaidan. Well, the idea had merits anyway.

"Shepard..." EDI ventured hesitantly, "I'm not sure Lieutenant Cortez would appreciate you adjusting the settings for the disengagement protocols. If you are looking to go over any technical schematics, I can assist you with the perusal."

She reached over past Shepard and brought her hand down over the locks, resetting the system in the blink of an eye and cancelling all of his hard work. Shepard wanted to growl in frustration.

"Look EDI," Shepard said, turning back to the AI and giving her his best Commander's Stare, "I understand that we'll be reaching Thessia in a few hours. I'm sure you have other things you need to see to, you know, instead of keeping an eye on me. I'll be fine, really. Just want to get to know the Kodiak a little better is all." Especially since he wouldn't be taking it down to any hotspots, he thought bitterly.

EDI cocked her head again, the Stare washing off her like water on glass. "We will be reaching Thessia in approximately two hours and thirty-seven minutes. Lieutenant Vega has already completed all necessary modifications to the armoury and Lieutenant Cortez has adjusted the Kodiak for maximum efficiency for our coming mission. There is nothing that requires my immediate attention, Shepard."

Shepard wanted to throw his hands up in exasperation. "Alright, fine, EDI! I just want to be left alone, alright? I just... need some time to think," he snapped out, hoping the blunt tact would work instead.

EDI took a step forward and Shepard really did think for a moment she'd haul him off his ass and back up to Kaidan. "Shepard. I understand from the ship's biometric scans that your body is currently operating at 87 percent optimal performance. This suggests that while you are not experiencing any physical trauma or mental trauma, something is... bothering you. Coupled with your desire to think in isolation, I doubt that your main purpose in the cargo bay is to overwhelm your mind with menial, repetitive tasks. Perhaps you would like to talk to me?"

Shepard always wondered about the little pauses in EDI's sentences and would have liked to ask her if she was actually scanning the extranet for the appropriate terminology.

"Really EDI? Are you just going to turn yourself into a shrink? Look, I'm fine, really. Maybe this was a bad idea. I probably just need to be alone," Shepard babbled trying to think of some way to get rid of her.

EDI paused, body frozen momentarily as she stared into his eyes. Suddenly she blinked and shifted her eyes away. "I have just completed an installation of three separate psychological-analysis programs. It should be enough to complete a thorough examination of your state-of-mind, Shepard. Would you like to return with me to the Starboard Observation for a session? I believe that I will be able to supplement additional information should it be required."

Alright, logic wasn't going to cut it with EDI. He'd have to go for his last card; complete honesty.

"Alright EDI," Shepard conceded with a frustrated sigh, "Look, I'm just... not really sure about everything that's going alright? With me, with you... Basically everything in the galaxy is starting to look a little... off. I mean, I thought you _died_ , but Kaidan's told me about how you backed yourself up and managed to reprogram yourself without the help of the Reaper Code."

EDI continued to watch him patiently and he got the urge to at least finish his rant. Shepard ran a hand over his buzzcut, trying to search for the right words.

"I mean... I don't understand it at all. I don't even know why I'm here, nobody'll tell me anything. My head... it feels stuffy sometimes, like I'm not really sure what is going on, and things seem to overlap and I think... I don't know EDI. I just need somewhere... quiet. Like space, where I can just get out and think..." Shepard trailed away, looking down abashedly at the floor. Well, what did you know, the programs really did work. Or more likely he just needed to get everything off his chest on someone who wouldn't judge him with biological bias.

So he wasn't particularly surprised when EDI laid a surprisingly soft, cool hand on his shoulder.

"I understand, Shepard. It is difficult to be different, and I can appreciate your attempts to... 'get away from it all'. She moved past him and placed her hands behind him and he heard the locks disengage.

"EDI..." Shepard started, already grateful for her hearing him out and not wanting to get her into trouble.

"My calculations show that your desire for an isolated, peaceful environment may have triggered an innate desire to remove yourself from the familiar trappings of the Normandy. Major Alenko has specifically briefed the crew on Admiral Hackett's instructions, stating that you must not be allowed unsupervised outside the confines of the Normandy. In conclusion, I theorize that the avenue with the least repercussions involve my inclusion on your... jaunt," she finished smugly, clearly pleased with her line of reasoning.

"I, what? No, EDI. That's out of the question. If Hackett finds out that-"

"I believe, Shepard, that since we are the only two individuals present in the area, the Admiral can only discover this incident from one of two sources. And I have complete confidence in my ability to remain silent."

Shepard looked sufficiently stunned at _that_ statement. "Um, EDI. Liara called you a blabber-mouth. You weren't exactly... keeping silent about activities that went on aboard the ship."

"I assure you, Shepard, those incidents involved a carefully thought out plan of action. I merely created a situation of 'losing' information when it was already common knowledge. I was attempting to understand the concept of humour and those were my initial attempts-"

"At jokes," Shepard concluded, "Yeah, I kind of get that. But, you know, it's a little hard to tell with you."

"Perhaps my inherent protocols will need to be re-written. Am I under the correct assumption that Major Alenko does not know about your temporary desire to escape confinement aboard this vessel, Shepard?"

Shepard blushed a little at that, hoping that EDI wouldn't make him say it outright. "Um... No?"

"I see. Well then Shepard, I will... promise to keep this between us." The Kodiak thumped gently onto the cargo bay's flooring behind him.

"EDI, really, you don't have to-"

"Shepard. We are approximately two hours and twenty-four minutes away from Thessia. Some of the crew will be waking within the hour. If we do not complete the objective with haste, the matter of secrecy will become a moot point. I had not realized you were... such a damn coward, Shepard."

Shepard's eyes and mouth made three little O's on his face at the statement. EDI apparently interpreted the shock in his features and replied before he could come up with a response.

"I have been attempting to understand the concept called... provocation. I have been seeking instruction from Lieutenant Vega. Has it been unsatisfactory?"

"Uh, EDI. I think that maybe, you shouldn't try to do that..."

"I see. I believe those protocols will also need to be reviewed during my daily scheduled maintenance. Shall we proceed, Shepard?"

He grinned at the idea and at the wily AI, shaking his head as he turned. "Yeah, let's go."

*

He hummed as he walked, a little ditty that had become to mean more and more to him over the years, as he approached the doors of his quarters. At first it had just been a footnote of another eclectic accomplishment he'd completed, but slowly, it began to represent to him the different wonderful people he'd met over the years. He felt sad that he couldn't see some of them before he went, but he was grateful that at least he managed to have another chat with the most important one in his life. Mordin waved a calloused and scarred hand over the locking mechanism and stepped inside the small space, walking over to the table set against the side and he fiddled with something in the interface there. It was difficult work, with the way his fingers twitched and he again wondered whether it would do to curse the krogans and their barbaric and inefficient doctoring. Maybe he'd send them some information, anonymously, to help them progress in a more... civilized fashion.

The door whirred open quietly as his back was turned to it, continually fiddling with the small device in his hands as the door whirred shut.

"Doctor, we require your cooperation," came a metallic, androgynous voice.

Without turning, he spoke up to the figure. "Ah, yes. Medical profession no longer paramount in life. Advice only given during clinical diagnosis. Vocational hours no longer applicable. Suggest you return another time. Staying will prove... problematic."

Mordin heard the sound of a pistol being unfolded from its safety form and turned to study the figure invading his private room. It was dressed in non-descript, dark black armour, a full encased, opaque helmet completely covering its head. Certain parts of its limbs carried a hint of a blue glow that appeared and disappeared at random intervals. It gave him a headache.

"If you will not cooperate, doctor, we will be forced to terminate you," the deadpan voice rose along with the pistol.

Mordin jerked a casual shrug. "Understand difficulty in processing request. Am certain brain functions impaired by armoured casing. Recommend removal of object in order for brain to function at normal levels."

The figure stared at him, and Mordin really did wonder if it was having difficulty understanding him. He had couched his words as simply as he-

A bright stab of light left the pistol and slammed straight into his shoulder. How interesting.

"We will not ask again, doctor."

He shrugged again and turned his single eye more sharply onto the figure. "Now certain, removal of helmet inconsequential. Obviously, cerebral processes hampered permanently during difficult birth. Should have asked for euthanasia, but not sure if such procedures acceptable for-"

He choked back his words as the figure leapt forward with surprising speed, almost a dark blur, and slammed an armoured forearm into his chest. He felt the air leave him and he struggled to draw a painless breath, coughing through his words as he collapsed onto his feet.

"Interesting side-effect of analgesic drugs developed on turian homeworld. Completely removes pain sensory input but allows for retina to absorb larger quantities of light. Shifting colours, beautiful sight. Easier to watch than your blundering."

He watched passively as the figure sent three more rounds into each of his limbs and he raised himself up to stare at the figure, the drugs he'd injected into himself a few hours earlier completely numbing what should have been intense pain.

He sighed as he looked away, unable to stomach looking at an assassin that was _this_ stupid and inept.

"Pointless reiteration, unnecessary. Failure to comprehend, unable to adjust to situation. Redundant. Should have removed head from shoulders, examine interface terminal subsequently. Inefficient, wasteful, amateurish." Mordin raised the small device in his hand and triggered the activation. He smiled at the sound. "You are not me, forgivable, for getting it wrong."

Many eyewitnesses swore that the blast that had engulfed the spire claimed another four levels beneath the point of origin and threatened to topple over another adjacent one. Many were sure that it was either an experiment gone wrong or another invasion. Thankfully, most of the constructs were metal and while heat was absorbed by the walls of other buildings, they were sturdy enough that they didn't collapse. After the heat had dissipated, the investigation crews had reported that all they could find were charred and twisted metal supports, no remains whatsoever. News spread quickly of the incident and institutions were doing headcounts to make sure that their top personnel were all accounted for, especially since the blast had occurred in a major residential spire set up specifically for scientists working on various projects. In the end, the investigations turned up blank on everything they found and the case was dismissed as an accidental hazard, including the absence of one very odd salarian doctor.

*

Kaidan paced the floor of the Kodiak as they prepared to land. They had tried to establish a comm route with the minor rural province of Sadarat that was mentioned in the anonymous message, but so far, all they were getting was blank static. Considering how effective Normandy's quantum entanglement communications were, the result of unsuccessfully establishing communication meant only one thing; communications into and out of the region were being actively blocked. Which meant trouble.

Thessia was still reeling from the monumental loses it suffered during the Reaper War and from what they had heard, the toll of missing and dead had been close to half the standing population at the time. Which meant close to two billion asari killed. While the numbers weren't as bad as those of Earth or Palaven, it was still a staggering amount. All these reasons left Thessia almost ripe for the picking from an invading force, especially since a majority of survivors were non-combatants and Kaidan was loathe to consider any species in the galaxy selfish enough to actually attempt to take advantage of the asari's perceived weakness.

EDI had tried to trace the transmission back to its point of origin, in the hopes of finding out how the message managed to slip past the communications block in the first place, but after several jumps through multiple systems, the signal fizzled into nothingness. So with that avenue closed off to them, Kaidan decided that a direct intervention was the best option, barring the fact that they might have been walking into a trap. And since he was leading the mission, and not Shepard, he had no idea what might happen if-

"Kaidan. Relax, it'll be alright." Shepard called over to him.

Kaidan huffed a sigh as he shifted to plop himself next to the man, rubbing the back of his neck with both hands as he stared at the floor. "Yeah, John. I know. It's just that, well, I'm not sure what we're getting into. Maybe... maybe, I dunno, someone's setting us up for-"

Kaidan felt the words end as he was pulled up into a quick and fierce kiss from Shepard, muddling his thoughts in the process. God, he'd sell his soul just to be able to get that from Shepard any time he wanted. He grinned as their lips caressed and touched, tasting one another. He already managed to get all that without having to resort to such drastic measure. Someone next to them sniggered loudly, presumably James since EDI didn't believe it was necessary to do so.

"Enjoying the show, Lieutenant Vega?" Kaidan murmured into Shepard's lips, not really caring anymore since the whole crew knew about them anyway.

James crowed an approval. "Hell yeah, Major. Though if you're going for anything more than that, I'd suggest maybe Esteban and I jump out first. EDI wouldn't care."

EDI's placid reply came as they broke away, Kaidan and Shepard just staring at one another. "That would be an unwise course of action, Lieutenant Vega. I doubt either you or Lieutenant Cortez would survive the impact. And I believe Thessia has already suffered enough planetary bombardment."

Steve's laugh echoed out of the cockpit. "She's got you there Mr. Vega."

James tried to growl at everyone. "Yeah, gang up on the helpless James. No, that's cool. You and I need to have a serious talk about priorities Esteban."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Vega. I can't wait."

"Lieutenant Vega, I was merely stating facts. I did not intend to insert sedition between yourself and Lieutenant Cortez. I believe that, should you acquire enough momentum, your mass will allow for a crater that would be approximately-"

"Yeah, stow it EDI. It's a joke, I know. I get it. _Carajo_."

Kaidan let the familiar banter wash over him, a soothing pre-mission balm that worked to calm his nervousness as he tried to come up with the right words to say to Shepard, sitting opposite him in his familiar-yet-unfamiliar black, N7 armour.

"John..."

"Kaidan?"

He sighed before continuing. "I... Look, I know it's difficult for you to, you know, sit it out like this. I'm technically breaking orders just letting you stay in the shuttle with Cortez, but I want you to know... I need you to know that, well, I..."

Shepard smiled a little a that. Kaidan wouldn't never get over the fact that he blushed and stuttered so god damned much around the man.

"Kaidan, you don't have to say anything. I understand. It'll be difficult for me anyway, getting into a fire fight the way I am-"

Kaidan snorted at that. He'd seen the man with Vega's weights and despite leaving the light sparring more breathless than not, Shepard was picking up a frightening amount of momentum in so short a time.

Shepard chose to ignore the interruption as he continued, "-and maybe it's time to see what you can do, Major, in a leadership role. I always liked it when you were on top."

"John..." Just because he didn't mind giving the man a quick kiss in public didn't mean he wanted all their dirty linen aired where everyone could see it. Or hear it in this case. Vega was starting to have an argument about logic with EDI about... something; he wasn't really paying attention anymore.

Shepard chuckled as he pressed another quick kiss before turning serious. "Listen Kaidan, you'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be right here in comm range with Steve. You know how many crazy mission he's survived? We won't even get near the fighting, if there is one." Kaidan wished the other man hadn't sounded so reluctant at the last.

"Alright, John. I'll take your word for it. I'll be furious if anything happens to you."

Shepard smiled. "You and me both, sweetheart."

"Sweetheart? Wow, I mean, really John? Isn't that a little... general? I mean, it was crazy back in the '100's you know, pet names, but I don't really think that-"

"What's wrong, Kaidan? You are my heart. And when you're in my mouth, you're pretty swe-"

"Enough, John. God, do you really want to make things harder than they already are?"

"Hmm. I think that was a really poor choice of words, Major."

" _John_..."

"Um, Kaidan, I know this might not really be a good time but... You know, I wanted to ask... I mean, maybe you and I could... Um..." Shepard turned to look down, drawing Kaidan's gaze. He was holding something in the palm of his armoured hand and Kaidan couldn't get a good look at what it was through the thick, clenched fingers. Fingers that were trembling.

Kaidan immediately clamped down on a surge of panic as he looked up hoping he could reassure the man. "John, what do you-"

"We're approaching the LZ, Major," Steve interrupted and Kaidan turned to see James and EDI already getting up and off to the side of the Kodiak's door.

"Hey Major, you going to join us or what? Hate to find out what's going on in this place and claim all the glory for myself. They might even promote me over you." James chuckled at his own little jab.

"That is a highly unlikely possibility Lieutenant Vega. According to my investigations, it seems that Alliance Command has a clear line of-"

" _Madre de Dios,_ EDI! It was a joke!"

"Yes, I was aware of that Lieutenant Vega. I was attempting to forestall the inevitability of even more nonsensical... humour."

"Hah! She got you there, Mr. Vega. Damn. Outclassed by an AI."

"I'll show you outclassed _pendejo_! You just wait till I..."

Kaidan turned back to Shepard, already standing up and placing his helmet over his head. Shepard had a strange expression on his face and the... thing he'd been holding was gone, both empty hands already pressed against his armoured thighs.

"John-" Kaidan opened, but Shepard interrupted him cheerfully.

"It's alright Kaidan, we'll talk about it later. Don't worry about it... It's nothing... too serious." To emphasize the point, Shepard sent him his usual cocky grin.

"Um, alright John," Kaidan replied a little warily. His curiosity was peaked.

"Take care of yourself Kaidan... and, um... I... love, you?" Shepard muttered awkwardly, not really intending the statement to end as a question.

Kaidan wanted to laugh at the way Shepard was shifting uncomfortably. He could say it faced with a suicidal run into a Reaper controlled teleporter, but he couldn't say it in such mundane settings. Kaidan made sure to remember he'd work on that with the other man.

"I love you too, sweetheart," and damn if that heat and joy in Shepard's eyes didn't making him want to rush over and kiss the man.

"Hey Esteban! Don't I get an 'I love you' too?"

"You know, Mr. Vega, if you have to ask, it doesn't really mean as much..."

"Yeah, yeah. Alright Esteban, I'm gonna make sure I come back and say it to you until you're sick of hearing it."

"Don't think that'll ever happen, Mr. Grizzly." Kaidan almost stumbled on hearing that and Shepard looked like he was about to choke on holding back his laughter. James was turning a wonderful shade of dark red. "Anyway, I'd much rather save it for... later. Wouldn't want to steal the Major's thunder."

"Well, EDI. Looks like you and I don't get to hear what we want-"

"Actually, Lieutenant Vega, Jeff has been monitoring the shuttle's progress to the landing zone. He has already communicated his emotional desires to me and expressed a severe interest in my safe return. I believe I win."

"Oh my god," Shepard burst out and Kaidan grinned as Shepard lost control of himself and was almost rolling around the shuttle's bench with laughter as the door slid open. James was grumbling as the three of them jumped out, weapons raised and formation tight and the shuttle slid away along with the pleasant moments shared within. Still, Kaidan couldn't help the smile on his face at the memory, and tried his best to keep his mind on the task at hand as they began the sweep into Sadarat.

*

"All clear, Major," James called from his left.

"This perimeter is similarly void of hostiles, Major Alenko," EDI called from just ahead of him and to the right.

It didn't make any sense. They had entered the settlement, despite the advanced building structures and technological bric-a-brac it was the only name Kaidan could bring to mind, and had just completed a sweep of two-thirds of the area. If there had been an invading force, or at least a fight of some kind, there would be casualties, bodies that could be examined for clues. Instead, it was an empty shell of its namesake.

Kaidan's barrier tinted the world in a slightly blue, but clear, haze and he turned slowly as they began to enter the final part of the settlement. While he hoped that they'd find _something_ worth the time and the trouble, he also hoped that this last sweep would end peacefully instead of a sudden, last-minute all out.

He signalled for James and EDI to form up at his position and double-checked the area's schematics while he planned their next move. The detailed rendering was taken from the air as the Kodiak was dropping them off and transmitted to his omni-tool as Steve had pulled back up. It showed the settlement clearly, clusters of houses and buildings spread in a rough arc around the perimeter and quickly narrowing into a point at a central structure, most likely a headquarters or main assembly building of some sort. He had left the area for last since it looked pretty defensible and he didn't want to get flanked from behind if they were caught out in a kill-zone.

"What's the plan, Major?" James asked as he backed up to him, assault rifle still pointed outward has he maintained a slow sweep of the area.

"We'll be taking the last building. So far, all that we've seen are empty houses with nothing inside. No sign of fighting and no bodies. We'll assume that the remaining people might be holding up in there, since it appears the most defensible. Check your targets and keep those shields up. Call out if you spot anything."

"Actually, Major Alenko," EDI said as she looked towards the building that they would soon be heading for, "my initial scans and findings indicate that there is an unusually high number of mechanical equipment meant for excavation. This does not coincide with the number required to establish and maintain a settlement of this size. I theorize that perhaps it would be beneficial to maintain watch for any number of subterranean entrances."

Kaidan huffed an agreement. He'd noticed the same thing too. "Alright, good point EDI. Keep your eyes open for anything like that. Let's go."

They meticulously spread out slightly, moving carefully through the shelter provided by the building walls as they made their way to the central building. Still nothing, no bodies and no scorch marks or tell-tale signs of gunfire. Just empty, hollow rooms with meaningless belongings and more excavation equipment that seemed to just rest at random points, like broken toys. James took point as they approached the last three buildings before the open ground in front of the objective when he suddenly stopped and whirled back into cover, motioning them to his location.

Kaidan and EDI sprinted the last few meters and came to stand by James. Kaidan kept an eye around the surrounding area, especially the building in the centre and spoke to James quietly.

"What did you find?"

"Just around the corner, Major"

They shifted slightly so they could still stay under cover while Kaidan moved up to the front and looked around the edge of the wall he was pressed up against. The walls facing the central structure were covered with bodies and even from the quick glance he'd gotten before he moved back, he would recognize that armour design and insignia anywhere.

"Cerberus," Kaidan practically hissed. God, how he hated them.

James nodded in agreement, face grim as he primed a Carnage round into his rifle's secondary extension. Kaidan risked a quick peak at their target and turned back, knowing this wasn't good at all.

"The way to the main building is covered with Cerberus bodies. Somebody is in there and they didn't want anyone getting in," Kaidan said, the prospect of running over open ground, undefended, leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

"Maybe that works in our favour, no?" James brought up, "I mean, what do they say, 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend?"

"You've been listening to Javik too much, Vega," Kaidan groused.

"While it is prudent to assume so, it would also be equally irresponsible to believe that we would not be fired upon should we attempt a similar action," EDI concluded.

Kaidan brought up the memory of the schematic, trying to see if there was a way to get into the building without being shot at. It was surrounded by a 360 degree clear, open field, making it almost impossible to proceed undetected. This wasn't going to be good at all, but hopefully it was their best shot.

"EDI, we're going to need a Decoy. Send it across the building opposite us. Take a few steps back so that it'll come out ahead of us and draw the fire away from us for a few seconds. We'll, uh, in the meantime, prime up your barriers and shields to the max. Divert all power from primary offensive routines. This'll be a full sprint until we get to cover under the building's main wall. Any questions?"

"So basically this is a hell run, Major? You know, I'm not built for speed." James spoke up.

Kaidan nodded, already aware of the fact. "It's a two- three hundred meter sprint Vega. If you can't run at top speed for that long, maybe it'll be better off if you, uh, stay here and wait till we clear the building of hostiles."

James growled in response, the Foucault currents already streaming into his armour. "Last one there buys a round for the whole crew at the next dock." Well, that went easier than expected.

Kaidan nodded as his amp began to tingle as he poured more energy into his barrier and the supplemental shield built into his armour. No use taking unnecessary risks.

A projection of EDI materialized under cover at the exact same position they were in, just at the building furthest away from them. EDI stood up and dashed forward, the Decoy moving at lightning speed just a few meters ahead of her. The crack of a sniper rifle singed the air and Kaidan and James burst from cover almost together, powering their way through the killing-field. Kaidan felt his eyes wander over the bodies, so many of them, laid out in haphazard fashion like random pieces of topography. An Assault Trooper whose head was completely blown off, a Guardian who had received similar treatment, shield lying uselessly at the side. Another crack coloured the air as he felt something glance of the fully powered barrier over his shoulder. Kaidan dashed as fast as he could, past a warped and twisted Atlas, just barely managing to reach the wall ahead of James as he pressed himself against it to deflect the momentum of his run.

A quick breath, assault rifle brought into readiness and power diverted away from his barrier as he readied a Reave in the back of his mind. He nodded once and they stepped into the small compound, weapons drawn and eyes quickly scanning the area.

Nothing, not even bodies. Kaidan was pleased that his strategy had resulted in them not taking a single hit, especially after observing how good the sniper was at keeping the inner area clear of intruders. They surged toward the door once everything was scoped out, and EDI set to work immediately on overidding the locking protocols.

"So," Kaidan said a little breathlessly, " _Mr. Grizzly_. Huh. Know how much it costs to get a good, uh, bottle of Canadian Larger after the war? Wouldn't want you beggared."

James gulped a breath leaning against the opposite side. "I dunno, _sweetheart_ , but I- huh, I'm pretty sure I reached the wall before you. Why don't, huh, you tell me once you find out?"

"According to preliminary scans on the extranet," EDI interrupted casually as she worked on the lock, words flowing smoothly, "It appears that the beverage that you are both referring to averages in price between three to four hundred credits a piece. I would gladly accept two, for myself and Jeff, should you finally decided on a victor."

"Huh. I think Shepard created a monster when he unshackled you, EDI." Kaidan said, breath coming more easily now.

"I do not believe so, Major Alenko. As it is I who was responsible for most of my adjustments and reprogramming, it would be more accurate to state that I have created myself as a monster. Should you wish it, I have footage of the individual who reached the shelter last. It would be within my interest, however,  to withhold the information until either one of you can provide me with... incentive," EDI replied placidly.

"Um, EDI. Are you... blackmailing us?" Kaidan didn't know if he should be stunned by the idea or not.

"Perhaps. You would make poor soldiers in my coming empire in any case," she voiced matter-of-factly.

"What?" Vega blurted out.

"That was a joke... I think," she said without turning.

"God, EDI," Kaidan butted in, "Don't even _do_ that-"

"Incidentally, Major, data from our... run to the structure indicates the possibility of alternate consideration."

"Alternate consideration?"

"Yes. A standard issue sniper rifle of average firepower would require an average of one-point-three seconds to reload, while a faster model with less firepower would require an average of oh-point-six seconds. At our speed and trajectory, it would take an experienced marksman an average of one-point-one seconds to recalibrate and adjust for an accurate hit. We managed to complete the distance required in approximately fifteen-point-nine seconds. This would allow for an opportunity to at least fire six rounds at minimum. My recordings indicate that only two rounds were fired."

Kaidan's head swam with the details, though it was James who caught on quicker and asked the question.

"So, uh, you're telling us that the sniper chose _not_ to shoot at us?"

"After careful analysis of the data, I believe that is what I am trying to convey Lieutenant Vega."

"Uh, EDI, I hate to rush but, um, how much longer are you going to-" Kaidan said and was interrupted as the door clicked and slid open, revealing a dark and narrow hallway, light shining through from the back past three shadowy figures.

_Shit. Careless, Kaidan. Too careless._

He had just collected enough energy into his fist for a Reave when a quiet and _very_ familiar chuckle touched his helmet's auditory sensors.

"Ah, Kaidan. You know, I've always wanted to see if I could get a bullet through that barrier of yours. Maybe next time we'll try again."

"Don't be so unkind. Kaidan, thank the Goddess you're here. I wasn't sure whether you got my message. Is Shepard with you?"

"Hmph, what does it matter? These primitives couldn't even break open such a basic system. In my cycle, even a child reconsidered running across such an obviously superior defence."

Kaidan stepped back as Garrus, Liara and Javik stepped out together into the midst of their group.

"What. The. _Hell?_ " came a voice from James' general direction. Kaidan didn't even think he'd be able to get out a single word, let alone a complete sentence.


	9. I Can Ail What Cures You

After a quick and disarming reunion involving back-slaps and hand shakes, EDI merely recorded the proceedings and Javik looked insulted at the open display of affection, the six heroes retreated into a cramped, almost empty room as they began to brief one another on the situations that they'd been involved in during the last few months after the Reaper War.

Kaidan, James and EDI were all leaning near the door way, Kaidan needing to resupply some calories and was munching on a protein bar. He had asked what the other three had been up to and there was a slight pause as they turned to the only seated person in the room, Garrus leaning against the opposite wall and Javik standing on Liara's left. Liara was seated behind a sparse table, hands leaning forward, absently twitching and gesturing as she told them what she'd been up to.

"After the consolidation of our forces at the rendezvous, each species had their own... post-apocalyptic necessities that they had to see to," she said, glancing apologetically at Kaidan; they had practically vanished after they were all assured that Shepard would survive his ordeal.

Kaidan nodded around a mouthful of tasteless food, aware that each member had become a highly considered asset on their respective homeworlds and as such, were pulled back by the remnants of each government. If he hadn't been so concerned with Shepard's recovery and wellbeing, he would have tried keeping in touch with at least the crewmembers he was most familiar and comfortable with, Liara and Garrus.

"My situation was particularly difficult. Thessia was-- is... in ruins, the majority of our government and planet almost annihilated by the Reaper forces. As it was, I... saw it as an opportunity to not only help salvage what remaining power we had left, but to make sure that I could facilitate future... development appropriately." A faint purple blush stained her cheeks as she cast her glance at the floor, looking embarrassed.

"Ah, you mean, as the Shadow Broker, this was the perfect opportunity to, um, maybe get some highly-placed agents established," Kaidan reiterated after a pause, at which Liara barely nodded.

"It is a sound strategy," Javik spoke up defensively, "T'Soni is without hubris or ambition. As she is young, her influence can help mitigate potential anarchy for centuries while securing a rule that could see the asari as a prime military might in this cycle." The Prothean's eyes flared in a challenging way as he considered everyone in the room, that was until Liara placed a soft hand on his arm. Javik's face schooled into stillness once more.

 _There's something going between them here,_ Kaidan thought to himself in surprise. He didn't think the Prothean had found any of them even worth talking to, let alone starting a relationship with. He wondered what had changed and whether he should congratulate them about it or send his condolences to Liara in private. Kaidan chose to remain silent instead, sure that Javik would be much less accepting of public acknowledgement of their affections than Liara and besides, he didn't want to get shot during a reunion between friends anyway.

"Um. You're considering... ruling the asari... Liara?" Kaidan's mind couldn't even embrace the concept, Liara as the Shadow Broker had been difficult enough, but Liara as the main power behind the throne of an entire race of biotics...

Liara laughed quickly at the comment, but from the disapproving frown that Javik turned on her, Kaidan could probably assume that this was something that the Prothean had brought up in their talks and he could also guess which side the Prothean preferred. What did she see in him anyway?

"No, Kaidan. It's not like that. The asari governing body does not operate off a single, secular prime figure such as the Turian Hierarchy. We have a governing body that... oversees the planet, similar to a parliament, and one of the requirements is that a representative must be at least a Matriarch if she chooses that path in her life," Liara ran a hand over her youthsome features, "As you can see, that would exclude me."

"Wouldn't stop you from being the power behind the Matriarchs, if y'know what I'm saying..." James muttered.

A thoughtful look passed over Javik's features, a slight lowering of his eye plates, before it snapped back to neutrality, but Kaidan watched the scene with fascination as Javik laid a single finger on Liara's shoulder.

She shook her head slightly, turning to speak to him. "No Javik, you know it does not work that way. The Matriarchs have centuries of experience and wisdom. They are beholden to no one, least of all a young maiden with... questionable ties."

"But _dasha_ , you are the most suitable candidate. With your influence, the asari can rise in prominence and become a shining star for all the galaxy," Javik said in a soft tone. Kaidan had _never_ heard the Prothean speak in that way. He doubted any living creature except Liara had.

"I think, you've been spending too much time speaking to my father, _shatir_. I can hear her words in yours," Liara smiled as she said it, perhaps to take any sting out of her comment.

James was staring bug-eyed, his gaze alternating swiftly between the two as they stood-sat, staring into each other's eyes. Kaidan thought that this would be a good idea to intervene, if only to stop the young, impulsive man from blurting out inappropriate questions about the two of them, though Kaidan desperately wanted to get Liara alone and ask her some personal questions of his own. Kaidan cleared his throat as Garrus looked on, mandibles shifting lazily as he took in the scene.

"So, uh, is this the new lair, or should I say, home of the Shadow Broker? Why did the distress call indicate that Thessia was under attack?" Kaidan interrupted.

Liara turned back to face him, contemplating the question as Javik glared at all of them, as if willing them to forget about what had just happened in the last few seconds between himself and his... _dasha_.

"This is a... temporary base of sorts, Kaidan, a cover up. It wouldn't really be fitting for me to put down permanent roots on Thessia just yet," Liara said without going into too much detail. Her face turned contemplative for a moment before she continued. "It wouldn't be accurate to say that Thessia was... under attack. I had one of my operatives send the distress message before the communication lockdown was placed and she was... slightly over eager. I'm glad that all she managed was a Ceta-level encryption," she looked perplexed and Kaidan almost wanted to laugh at the return to a very familiar Liara-like expression.

"No, we are being, I suppose an accurate term for it would be, raided," she continued and Kaidan's interest picked up. "We've had reports of several different... groups establishing themselves planet side, taking advantage of our limited numbers and infrastructure to gain temporary footholds. While the disruption prevents us from transmitting off-world, we can still transmit within our own atmosphere," Liara said as she brought up her omni-tool and activated an interface on the desk, which projected a hologram of Thessia into the middle of the room, highlighting the points.

The newcomers studied the glowing points before EDI spoke up, "Are there any particular points of interest at these sites, Liara? If we could determine a common factor, it would be possible to extrapolate and identify why such landmarks prove to be the main target for this particular incursion."

Liara nodded at that as she expanded several of them, "Yes, EDI, actually there is. They are all the locations of our most sacred temples."

EDI stepped forward and seemed almost to immerse herself into the different structural highlights in each point and stood like that for a moment before stepping back in her corner.

"Ah, I see. These sites appear to be locations of the temples that are specifically concerning the Athame Doctrine. From this, and the information I have just scanned according to Commander Shepard's mission debriefing on Thessia, I believe that the common factor involved in the selection of these designations are... Prothean artifacts?" EDI supplied, looking to Liara for confirmation, who nodded in response.

"Yes. From what we can tell, these... groups are trying to search for Prothean relics that are housed on Thessia. However, not all the temples contain Prothean artifacts."

"Wait, what?" James asked, "So these _muchachos_ just came to steal whatever Prothean artifacts they can find? That's _loco_. There's got to be, what, a few hundred temples in the region no?" Kaidan nodded at the valid point.

The hologram zoomed in and focused on a particular location, one that looked battle-weary and blasted even rendered in this way. It was obviously a location that had seen much fighting during the war.

"This is our Mother Temple, the first and oldest of all the sites that preach the Athame Doctrine. It was here that we..." Liara paused, clearly lost in memory. Javik placed a comforting finger on Liara's shoulder and she reached up gratefully and placed a hand on it.

"This was where Shepard fought with Kai Leng wasn't it? The place where we were supposed to find a Prothean beacon, and, uh, search for the information on the Catalyst?" Kaidan supplied.

Liara nodded. "Yes. Among other things, this was the location of the beacon that had supplied the asari with generations of wisdom that allowed us to become a leading power in the galaxy. Unfortunately, the beacon and it's contents were lost to the Illusive Man and the war."

Kaidan mulled the thoughts over in his head. "Alright. So just, uh, just let me get this straight. This, this... beacon. That's what this is all about? The raiding, the comm-blackout, everything? They're, what, looking for another beacon, Liara?"

She sighed as she stood up. "From what we've seen so far, Kaidan, yes. That's what they're after."

"So, um, why here? I mean, you know, I understand the temples and... other locations and all that, but the distress beacon points to this area as a point of origin. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... is there a beacon here?" Kaidan didn't think it would be that easy, and a seed of an idea was starting to develop inside of his head.

Liara motioned them towards the door and Kaidan crumpled the almost-forgotten protein wrapper and stuffed it into this armour for disposal later. "Yes. As you know, my speciality is the study of Prothean artifacts and Thessia, as one of the prime worlds cultivated by the Prothean Empire, houses quite a number of them. Unfortunately, due to time and the elements, most are derelict and have no functionality left in them."

They moved towards the back of the building, which was mostly hollow and consisted of empty rooms with barely any furnishing or details. Liara led them to a thick, highly encrypted door with a triple-locking system and metallic bolts reinforcing the entire structure.

James whistled in appreciation. "I guess you didn't want anyone getting through here huh, Doc?"

Liara activated the locking interface as she turned to speak to them. "As I'm sure you've all noticed, this... settlement isn't what it appears to be; it doesn't actually exist under the asari dictates. It was abandoned long ago and was rediscovered and restored by myself after I began searching for suitable locations to house the Thessian refugees from the war."

The door slid ponderously open and Liara ducked in, carefully leading the rest of the group through the narrow confines as she continued. "Shepard... When he made me see the plight of my people, I realized that I could do more than rage and weep on-board the Normandy. I began searching for ways and means to relocate and house all the varying groups that were lost when Thessia was taken."

Kaidan watched as the lights dimmed to brightness slowly, making out the thick metal walls and non-descript, bare supports.

"During my search, I came across a number of suitable locations, both off-world and on Thessia itself, in the hopes that when we won, I would be able to come back and lend my assistance with a greater pool of resources."

Near the end of the long hall, which Kaidan noticed had widened perceptibly during their walk, stood two doors, one facing the wall opposite the entrance and another that was adjacent to it on the opposite wall. Both had standard locking protocols and Liara turned into the side door and waited aside for them to precede her.

"One of the sites I had chosen, this one, was re-evaluated when Glyph discovered that it was built atop an ancient Prothean temple that had been created during the... the time of Athame. Further excavation was necessary to unearth the artifact since the structure was almost completely buried under tons of Thessian soil."

A tiny, blue orb surged into their group as they entered the dimly lit room.

"Ah, greetings Dr. T'Soni. We have guests. Shall I prepare some refreshments for them? My data banks have stored preferences that I recorded during our stay on the Normandy." Glyph spoke up after briefly scanning each of the newcomers, James comically flailing as he tried to fend of the intrusion.

After a quick look at the group, all of whom shook their heads in the negative, she turned and said to the VI, "No thank you, Glyph. I will need you to activate holding cell number two. Just the standards, please."

"As you wish, Dr. T'Soni," the cheerful blue machine chimed as it whirred away to do the bidding of its master.

"So, um, that's the purpose of all the excavation equipment? The machinery we saw outside around the buildings," Kaidan brought up.

Liara nodded in the affirmative. "Yes. After I had established that it housed an almost completely intact beacon, I made efforts to make it appear that I was rebuilding the colony but did not requisition for supplies or personnel. It was an opportunity to study more of the Prothean culture and I gladly took it," She looked nervously at the floor as she said it, no doubt awaiting the judgemental looks and comments from the rest of them.

"Looks like you got plenty of 'Prothean culture' here to study, Doc," James grinned at her with a nod of his head in Javik's direction.

Javik narrowed his eyes threateningly as Liara blushed prettily and smiled. "Yes, James. Javik has been a great help, and I've made huge progress on my knowledge of the Prothean culture as I studied and contemplated all the... misgivings I had about their race. During this time, we became... close, and well, it has been a fascinating and wonderful experience for both of us. At least, for me it has been."

"Be grateful to your ancestors that there are no airlocks present in this structure, human." Javik retorted but with no real heat as he went to stand behind Liara.

"Um," Kaidan interrupted, trying to forestall a fire fight at the very least, "I'm just thinking out loud here, Liara. I mean, wouldn't it be suspicious, you know, using resources for restoration and not having anyone move in? I mean, wouldn't anyone realize you were rebuilding the settlement with no, um, apparent purpose?"

"Major Alenko is correct, Liara," EDI chimed in, "Especially during times of post-war, the allocation of resources would be even more heavily scrutinized than ever. Combined with the fact that you had nominated yourself as one of the few individuals who were willing and able to helm the project, it would further raise suspicions as to your intentions. Perhaps I have frameworks that need to be re-written, but I... do not seem to understand the purpose."

Liara's smile turned mischievous as she raised her head up, a gleam of pride in her eyes.

"Have a little faith, Kaidan, EDI. Of course it would look suspicious, which is why I also managed to alter the paperwork for refugee transfers to this sector. I was an information broker long before I became the Shadow Broker, and it was something within my abilities. During the process, they would be re-homed in this general area, but on other settlements besides this one. It is... an inelegant solution, but so far it has been effective. The end result is that the remains of asari government do not probe too deeply on my exploits in this particular area and are happy that the refugees find homes."

Kaidan snorted at the deception. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who had become very capable during the last few years after their time on the Normandy SR-1.

Liara led them toward the chamber that she had asked Glyph to prepare as she continued speaking.

"Just several days ago, we had finally managed to uncover the entrance into the Prothean monument and were discussing the best way to proceed with the extraction of the beacon. When we had finally put into effect the most efficient means, a scouting party of... Cerberus operatives attacked. Thankfully, Garrus was on watch and eliminated the problem before they managed to infiltrate any deeper."

"Yeah, y'know, I was meaning to ask about that, Scars," James quipped up. "I mean, you're like, what, a pretty big-wig down in Palaven? Don't you need to be there with... I dunno, stuff?"

Garrus chuckled at the question. "Same Jimmy Vega, as always. All the elegance of a stripper in armour."

James rounded at that. "Hey _pendejo_ , I told you, it's a hot name! And that one time on Omega was-"

Kaidan cleared his throat and cast a pointed glance at James, stilling the other man's outburst. He'd heard rumours that Vega had had... a slight brush with Omega's seedier establishments. He made a mental note to wheedle the information out of the marine.

"Let's, um, let's save it for later alright? We can play 'catch-up' once we know why we're actually here."

Both individuals had the good grace to look uncomfortable at least, though Garrus gave him a toothy grin before replying. "Well, look at you Kaidan. All grown up and filling Shepard's shoes. I'd say he'd be proud. I still remember how difficult it was for you to make eye contact with anyone when you first arrived on the original Normandy. It's good to know how much stronger you've gotten," Garrus remarked gently.

Something about the statement bothered him, though Kaidan knew that Garrus hadn't intended the barb, but he could still feel it digging under his skin; they hadn't been exactly close after what had happened after Horizon all those months ago and despite them both attempting tentative tries at restoring their friendship. It hurt slightly that that was all people would see him as, Shepard's shadow and gimp leg.

His dark thoughts were interrupted as Liara led them into what looked like a tiny cell, a very small, narrow cot bolted onto the side and a tiny desk just flush with the corner. It would have been a tight squeeze for all of them, not considering the corpse that was reclining peacefully on the cot, wrapped up in a badly damaged Cerberus Assault trooper armour.

" _Hijo de puta,_ " James summed up succinctly. Kaidan couldn't agree more.

"Um, Liara. I'm not sure, but is that a... dead Cerberus trooper lazing in your... laboratory?," he waved around to emphasize the room they were in.

Liara knelt down as she attempted to remove the trooper's helmet, "Not a laboratory really. It serves a similar purpose to the cabin that I had aboard the Normandy-"

"What, Doc, you gotta problem with fresh air and sunshine?" James' nostrils were flaring and he was eyeing the corpse with equal measures loathing and curiosity.

Garrus snorted at the comment. "You never were very good at considering tactical strategy James. This bunker is more secure, one main entrance that will bottleneck any large force that manages to penetrate a very thick door," Garrus ran his eyes admiringly at the thick metal walls surrounding them, "I wanted to install turrets along the hallway, but Liara refused. Such a waste really. Maybe a sniper's nest just beside the area where the hall widens."

"Ugh, y'know Scars, I've never gotten you or your thing with guns. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like me some cold steel now and then, but seriously? You gotta get yourself another hobby," James retorted.

"What, you mean like you? Get batarian ink all over my nice, smooth scales?" Garrus grinned.

"Hey, these tattoos, they tell a story man. I mean seriously, Scars, what's with you and long, smooth objects? I-"

"Oh yeah, great stories. Jimmy Vega, stripper and all round tough guy. Is that what the tattoo on your ass means?"

"How the hell do you know I-"

Kaidan whirled on them. "Oh for god's sake. I mean, why don't you two kiss and get it over with. Really?"

Garrus and James shared a look with one another before bursting out into laughter and Kaidan couldn't help grin as well, despite his initial irritation. It felt good to be back in the company of friends.

Liara was trying to cover her smile as she worked, and Kaidan could have sworn he heard the word 'fascinating' coming from EDI's general direction, though she appeared to be standing stock still. Javik snorted and cast a wicked glance at all of them before speaking up,

"Primitives. How can you hope to conquer your enemies when you cannot even conquer yourselves? In my cycle-"

"Got it," Liara said loudly, interrupting Javik as he turned a decidedly unfriendly look at her. Kaidan watched as Liara raised the trooper's helmet up over his head with difficulty, and he wondered why she was having so much trouble. Just as he was about to step forward and help, it lifted off with a suction-like pop and suddenly, all the humour left the small room with the obscene sound.

"What the hell..." Kaidan began.

The head that plopped sickeningly onto the cot belonged to a Husk. From what they'd seen previously, Cerberus troops were being indoctrinated by the Illusive Man, and while they shared certain features with the Reaper-controlled creatures, they had still looked vaguely human, with rudiments of basic conversation and cognitive reasoning. This was an actual, fully fledged Husk lodged into a Cerberus suit.

Liara nodded grimly, standing back so they could all get a closer look.

"We discovered it when we were attempting to clear away and dispose of the bodies of the first scouting team. It was still alive, then, though fatally wounded. We thought it was human at first, and tried to question it. It expired before we could begin, but we had managed to remove the suit's helmet at the time. We didn't have much time for analysis after that, since the vanguard came in and started looking for the missing team."

EDI stepped up and spoke to Kaidan, "Major Alenko, I have a recommendation. It would be pertinent to retrieve this body and house it aboard the Normandy for further study. Dr. Chang might be able to glean insight into this new incident and it would be highly appropriate if we could maintain our findings and compile data."

Kaidan turned to look at Liara who nodded wordlessly at the suggestion. "Alright EDI. Comm the Normandy and, uh, let them know we'll be bringing in an extra body. Have Dr. Chang ready for whatever procedures she needs to perform."

"Of course, Major Alenko," EDI replied and let herself fade out as she carried out her tasks.

James was tentatively reaching his hand down and snatching it away, as if wary of bites. "So, what does this mean, Doc? Is the Illusive Man back and pulling Cerberus strings again?"

"From what I can tell, no. The sources I've managed to go through assure me that he was aboard the Citadel when the Reapers took it over and brought it over to the Sol System. Coupled with the fact that all biological life on board was annihilated during the... Reaper occupation, all accounts seem to indicate that Cerberus is now defunct and lacks any form of leadership."

James snorted as he prodded the Husk's head again. "Yeah, well, looks pretty active for a dead group of pro-human terrorists."

"Perhaps they are merely remnants, focusing on a lost cause," Liara said contemplatively to herself as she stood up.

Liara turned and left the room, indicating that they should do the same. Kaidan was the last to go, and he stopped to look at the creature one more time as his thoughts churned. It brought back memories of Mars, when he'd seen first-hand what Cerberus had done to its minions and his gorge rose in remembrance. He had been so overwhelmed by the sight, he had thoughtlessly blurted out to Shepard, asking if that was what Cerberus had done to him. The hurt in his lover's eyes back then had stung, and it still stung now, especially knowing that he was the cause of it, but seeing the actual reality of his fears, he wondered if the thought wasn't so baseless.

Was this what he could expect if Shepard progressed down the path? A mindless, dead creature being pulled on invisible strings? Kaidan shuddered at the thoughts as he left the room and its occupant behind. He was adamant. He would never let that happen to Shepard, had already betrayed the man's trust and confidence more than once and reinforced in himself to do anything to make Shepard didn't end up like the monstrosity back there. He had failed him too many times; he wouldn't do so again.

Liara continued walking past the banks of screens, monitors and interfaces that made up a majority of the room, leading the group out into the only other door left in the place. Kaidan watched as the portal opened to reveal and dark, dank and stony cavern-like pathway, barely lit by the temporary artificial lighting along the path. They made silent progress as they picked their way down, going ever lower as small talk drifted among the individuals. It was difficult to regain the mood prior to the revelation they'd received, and most of the talk was quickly stifled. Kaidan was too preoccupied with the raging ideas and considerations that swelled inside his head, almost enough to start the beginnings of a headache.

Kaidan walked faster and sidled up next to Garrus. "Hey, uh, Garrus."

"Kaidan," the turian replied nonchalantly.

"So, yeah. I was wondering... Why _are_ you here, you know, on Thessia? I mean, really, I thought Palaven would have, uh, asked for you, you know?"

They continued in silence, the occasional footfalls and murmured comments between Liara and Javik acting as a counterpoint.

"I... Look. If you don't wanna talk about it, then I guess-"

"It's my father Kaidan."

Kaidan did a double-take. Well, he wasn't expecting that. But then again, maybe he should have. Shepard had mentioned to him that one of the reasons that Garrus had stayed so long with the man was because of the severe disagreements he'd had with his family patriarch.

"I, uh, I mean, is he alright?"

Garrus snorted sharply. "Oh, he's fine. Just wonderful really."

Kaidan waited patiently as he let Garrus collect his thoughts. Garrus sighed before continuing.

"There was a... little bit of a disagreement between he and I. About Solana, my sister. Turns out, we're a Patriarchy for a reason."

Kaidan could hear the bitterness in his friend's voice and wondered if he should just leave the matter alone as they walked in awkward steps.

"Look, really, Garrus. If it's something private, I, uh, I was just curious about..."

"No. It's alright, Kaidan. I guess I'll have to talk to someone about it, I suppose. Thing was, I was really hoping to get some... advice from Shepard, but..."

"But...?" Kaidan pressed.

"Anyway, seems that my father wanted to stake claims on half of Palaven after the war. Said that it was the perfect time to step in and carve an even deeper place for our family into the Hierarchy."

"Sounds... ambitious."

"Well, you know my father. Actually, no you don't. He was always pressing people, making them do things that would benefit him and his family, over anyone else. Even against the wishes of his children," Garrus muttered bitterly.

"Um, yeah, I heard you were, um, quite big on Palaven. Generals saluting you and stuff."

Garrus snorted the thought away and turned to look sideways at him as he continued his progress. "The Hierarchy is a... difficult thing for others to contemplate. We're all bred on the military and the war, but basically, there are two branches to our government... Military and... the Hierarchy."

"Ah, I don't really follow..." Kaidan admitted, not wanting to look dense but feeling fascinated on the subject.

"There are two governing bodies that rule Palaven. One is the Military Parliament, the other is the Hierarchy Prime," Garrus concluded like he'd been talking to a child.

"Um... I see," Kaidan said in confusion.

Garrus shifted his face places in a smile before continuing, "Really now? Then maybe I should let you tell me about it instead..."

"Alright! I don't see," Kaidan huffed.

"Basically, these two arms of our government encompass all of Palaven and is where most of the power is. The Military Parliament controls and has the most say in matters about war and conflict while the Hierarchy Prime maintains absolute control over the inter-species relations with other races across the galaxy and has the final word when it comes to internal and external politics. My father is one of the strongest supporters of the Military Parliament and chairs quite a few of their more important resolutions, and his voice is probably one of the more influential ones."

Kaidan was stunned. Garrus was the son of one the most powerful turians alive? And here he was, making friends, telling jokes and taunting people in a group that encompassed almost the entirety of galactic interstellar life.

"So," Garrus continued, oblivious to Kaidan's shock or perhaps just ignoring it, "with the war tearing our chain of command into tiny pieces, my father has the great idea of stepping up to claim as much positions as he can. In both the Parliament _and_ Hierarchy," Garrus seemed appalled by the thought, but Kaidan didn't follow.

"So, I... I mean, is there really a problem with that?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes, there's a problem with that. Traditionally, a turian family is only allowed positions in one arm of the government. Stops them from being bastards and swaying political decisions on both fronts. So while my father will never be able to get his claws into the Hierarchy, he decided to think outside the spire. He tried to broker an arranged marriage between the Primarch and Solana."

"Primarch Victus? Um, I mean, from what I heard, you seemed pretty... okay with him during the war..." Kaidan ventured hesitantly, trying to understand.

Garrus barked a sharp laugh. "Yeah, he's a good man for the job, and normally, since he was a general, he wouldn't have been allowed to be the Primarch. But the war left us with little choice, so he gave up his seat as a general and shifted his allegiances over to the Hierarchy," Garrus said in scandalized tones, and Kaidan wondered what he was missing. Probably some socio-cultural thing that turians had ingrained in them as the matured.

"Well, I guess since with the war and-"

"Kaidan. It's never done. You can't just give up your position, your family's position in one cabinet and jump to another. It's... insulting. I don't know how to describe it to you, but if it weren't for the Reapers and what they did to Palaven, there would have been no way, _no way_ that Primarch Victus would have gone over. And now, my great and wonderful father, wants Solana to marry a man who's almost triple her age? For the sake of having supremacy on Palaven?" Garrus' voice was rising in volume.

Kaidan watched in apprehension as Garrus' fists tightened and tightened some more. He hoped that the metallic scales they were covered in didn't extend to their claw tips since that would probably be a good way for Garrus to puncture through the armour he was wearing.

"I- Um, I'm sorry I brought it up. Maybe, next time, if you really don't want to talk about it, then don't."

Garrus shifted back into his old, familiar sarcastic mood. "It's alright. If I can't bash it over Shepard's head, I'll just do it to you. Feels better anyway," Garrus turned a beady eye onto him before a gentle, lazy twitch graced his face. "Thank you, Kaidan. I can see why Shepard feels for you the way he does."

"Um..." Kaidan started.

"Hah! Don't worry, Alenko. You'll need to be a better shot than me with a sniper rifle if you ever want any hope at making me fall in love with you."

"Actually, you mentioned Shepard. I'm, um, wondering-"

"We're here," Liara interrupted from ahead of the group.

Kaidan was about to continue his line of questioning anyway when the sight that unfolded in front of him took his breath away. It wasn't particularly large, but the design was elegant and beautiful. Dark, black metal, shaped into forms that drew the eye through simplicity and weakly glowing asymmetric veins of light that shone through, dousing everything in a soft, green hue. And right there, standing next to the forced entrance to the building stood an upright, man-sized beacon.

"You... the beacon? You've removed it from the..." Well, he didn't really know what to call the thing.

"Well, actually, it was what we were in the process of doing when Garrus informed us of 'three suspicious looking people, scouting the area. One wearing a blue armour with white stripes', were his exact words I believe," Liara said with a gentle smile. Well, there went another bubble; he thought they'd been stealthier than that.

"We were attempting to download whatever information it contained, particularly the VI program that was residing within it, but it seems that the internal systems have finally faded away. Perhaps they were only meant to run on a power system that would remain active just until the fifty-thousand year mark. I wish I had considered that when I developed my... time-capsules." Liara muttered to no one.

"Do not worry, _dasha_. The threat is extinguished and there is no more need for these capsules of time to be seeded on countless planets. You must take this opportunity as a learning path, to understand the limitations of your perceptions," Javik rang out boldly. Kaidan could have sworn it was a barbed comment of some kind if Liara hadn't smiled up at the Prothean as if the others weren't there.

"Yes," she said gently, "I suppose you are right."

"I am often always right."

"Ah, so... I guess, what, we just need to get the power back up and running... In the, uh, thing? Would we be able to get a copy of that VI for the Normandy?" Kaidan asked breathlessly, hoping against hope that his idea would see fruit.

An unreadable look passed between Garrus, Liara and Javik, and then suddenly it hit him. All the scattered pieces of information that he'd been getting since the stepped foot into this empty place seemed to shift and coalesce into a glittering gem in his mind.

"I... Wait. You said you were looking for the VI, particularly. Why is that, Liara?" Kaidan asked suspiciously.

She shrugged as if it were no consequence. "The VI contains directives that could assist in disseminating and understanding the data that is trapped within the beacon. It would remove great amounts of time and difficulty, especially with the interpretation of the data."

"Is... there a specific type of data you're looking for Liara?" Kaidan simplified, almost wetting his lips with anticipation.

She shifted uncomfortably as Javik glared at him, but he didn't care. He was too close to the truth now, too close to finding out exactly why they were here.

"We... The VI contains... information from the Prothean Cycle. Especially pertaining to identifying and studying... indoctrination."

Hope surged in him but he kept his face and voice neutral as he continued speaking. "I... That's too much of a coincidence Liara. I was wondering, during the entire time we were here, well, besides the first time you asked at the door, about why the rest of you didn't think it was strange that Shepard wasn't leading this mission."

"I... I assumed he was still recovering, from his-" she began breathlessly but Kaidan cut her off.

"You knew. Didn't you? You knew about John, about his... condition or whatever it is you want to call it. You knew about it, while you were on the ship and you didn't even think about telling anyone? About telling me?"

The lingering silence was answer enough for him.

"Wait. No. I know you both. You wouldn't have kept something like that quiet. Um, after... after..." His eyes widened in realization, "You bugged the comm channel on Earth. You heard it when we discussed it in Hackett's office. No wait. Maybe before, in Hackett's office..."

James' shock was evident from the way he turned into a more aggressive stance and started muttering Spanish profanities under his breath. EDI watched with detached curiosity but Kaidan didn't even bother asking the young marine to stand down, hope at the discovery and revulsion at the subterfuge warring strongly inside of him.

"That's... that's why you didn't ask about Shepard after that," Kaidan said quietly, almost as if to himself, "You were searching for the same answers, I mean, a way to identify and cure his indoctrination. You knew all along, which was why you asked us here. The attack on Thessia wasn't really a threat, was it?"

"Kaidan, please," Liara said softly, "I was on Earth. It would have been of vital importance if I-- the Shadow Broker could-"

"Liara," he said, cutting her off as he stepped towards her, "I... I mean, really, the Shadow Broker? Since when have you let that consume you? Where was the young asari I- I once knew, who did everything she could with good intentions?"

Perhaps he'd said too much, he thought as Liara looked like she'd been slapped. Javik strode forward, placing himself between Kaidan and Liara, hints of blue starting to swarm around his red armour.

"You go too far, _human,_ " the Prothean said menacingly and Kaidan could feel himself prime up, his own amp starting to buzz as he reacted instinctively to the threat.

Liara steeled herself and intervened, stepping between the both of them and sending a sharp look at Javik, who blinked several times before letting the glow around him fade away. Kaidan did the same after a few seconds.

"Kaidan, I... I'm sorry that you don't approve of my methods. I hope that you can understand, what I did, I did because to be... useful I need to have my eyes and ears in as many places as I can..." she trailed off, unsure about how to say what she wanted to.

Kaidan took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, trying to wrest control away from his emotions. When had he become so unstable that he lashed out at any given opportunity. Control. He was control. A bastion of solidity in a turbulent world. He opened his eyes and studied Liara who had an almost pleading expression on her face. Kaidan reached out a hand towards her and Javik took a step forward before considering and stopped himself.

Kaidan grasped Liara's hand and spoke softly, "I- No. I'm sorry, Liara. I didn't mean... I mean, what I said was wrong. I shouldn't have. It's been difficult, you know, with Shepard the way he is and everything he's been through-"

Liara nodded in gratitude, already forgiving him his outburst, "I know Kaidan. And I truly am sorry. I did want to tell you, but without knowledge of who, or what, could be listening in on us, I couldn't just... it would have caused complications if they found out." Kaidan nodded at the implications.

"Looks like they already found out, Doc," James blurted from behind Kaidan.

Liara pulled herself away and nodded at the statement.

"It is perhaps one of the reasons why secrecy was so important. I suspected that the... group responsible for the raids were attempting to search for any Prothean beacons they could find, probably searching for the same indoctrination protocols that we are searching for."

"But, I just..." Kaidan sighed morosely as he tried to think along the lines he'd initially gone over in his head, "I mean, what's the point? So we find out if Shepard's been indoctrinated. What can we do? There's no cure for indoctrination, and Shepard... he's not behaving like any 'normal' indoctrinated person. It's a miracle he's lasted this long the way it is." Damn but he hated the weakness and hopelessness that seeped into his voice.

Liara turned to the beacon before she continued speaking to him.

"There is always hope, Kaidan. Shepard is our embodiment of the ideal. As I mentioned before, the VI can assist us in understanding the basics of indoctrination, especially if it is capable of identifying it within a living creature. I had intended to use it to create a format that would enable us to scan the rest of the crew; it is something that I fear for the rest of us as well. I have... theories that I haven't discussed with anyone yet. I fear it may be too premature to judge them feasible but..."

"But?" Kaidan prompted impatiently.

"But... I think I understand a few things. I think that, if Shepard truly is indoctrinated, I know what... maybe, might be able to cure him."

A warm _surge_ of feeling almost erupted in Kaidan and made his heart beat faster in his chest. He'd forgive Liara anything, give her whatever she asked for, if her hypothesis would lead to a solution about John's problem.

"I..." his voice rasped in his throat, emotions making him hoarse, "Liara... How- I mean, what do you mean-"

She shrugged demurely as she considered the emotions that stormed across his features. "Like I said, they are just theories. It would be... safer if we could discuss them aboard the Normandy, especially once we get the beacon on board and power it up there. I believe Shepard is... not fully aware of his situation?"

Kaidan nodded dumbly at the turn in the conversation. "I... No. We didn't, uh, we didn't want to aggravate the... didn't want him thinking that..." Kaidan stalled, finding it difficult to put the feeling into words.

Garrus nodded slightly and Liara smiled in understanding. She had such a beautiful smile, Kaidan thought tipsily as his mind fought to regain some sense of balance. "I understand, Kaidan. Love can make us..." she turned a pointed look at Javik before continuing, "overly protective over the object of our affections."

Kaidan sighed, releasing a pent up breath at the weight that he felt lifted off him for Liara's and Garrus' approval. He was so engrossed with trying to get any clue as to what Liara's ideas might be that Kaidan didn't notice the penetrating and considering stare that Javik had focused on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed it so far! Basically, I'm using this chapter to do some minor plot hole filing as well as show some more character interactions between the crew. It was actually quite difficult to write Liara and Garrus since they don't have many obvious vocal traits that I could take advantage of, so forgive me if they sound slightly out of character.
> 
> Also, the next chapter will probably be uploaded sometime next week, roughly around Tuesday. I've got two HUGE ass assignments for uni and they, unfortunately, need to take precedence. I apologise for the time you'll all need to spend waiting.
> 
> Please let me know if there are any other MINOR plot holes you'd like me to fill in for you. I can't think of any right now and I'd appreciate you commenting or sending me an email about any other developments you'd like to see. Thank you so much for all the comments, kudos and feedbacks. It REALLY helps. Have a good weekend!


	10. Building Up A Strong Base

They stood waiting as the Normandy settled gently onto Thessian soil, just behind the temporary base that Liara had set up. The space was tight, and there were certain Thessian flora that were unfortunate enough to be in the way of its landing and gave way grudgingly as the metallic invader landed.

Kaidan was watching the cargo bay doors open as Garrus and Liara fiddled with the transport platform that would carry the beacon into the waiting ship. James stood idly by, keeping one hand on his assault rifle while both his eyes scanned the area, not trusting fate to keep them safe in any circumstance. EDI was running some diagnostics over the beacon but Kaidan knew that they would mostly be general in nature and that for them to do some in-depth study of the thing, they would have to borrow power from the Normandy in order to activate it.

Kaidan's heart skipped a beat as Shepard and Cortez came down the cargo gangway, and he could see the joy and pleasant surprise in the man's eyes when they lit upon his old friends. Liara had turned, tears in her eyes as she moved forward to embrace Shepard, Garrus closely behind. There were quick, quiet words shared between the three old friends, and Liara's look of unrestrained joy sent a guilty pang shifting through him. He knew he shouldn't have snapped at her, regretted the incident in hindsight, but then again, he'd been riding an edge ever since he learned that his lover's mind wasn't his own. He'd have to make it up to her somehow.

While they had waited for the Normandy to land so they could pick up the ground team and the beacon, Kaidan had been discussing with the rest of them about Shepard's... 'condition' and whether it would have been prudent to let the man know and how much information was enough. Garrus was sure that Shepard could handle the situation, even after reviewing all the information that Kaidan had let them see, but his eyes had told a different story and were filled with worry even as he voiced his bravado. Liara and James had maintained that it might have caused unnecessary stress to Shepard if he knew what was going on. Kaidan was torn. He didn't like keeping secrets from his partner, but Shepard had never directly questioned him about the situation and that was another worry entirely since Shepard tended to be extremely inquisitive by nature, always asking and grilling out the finest details on an issue. It continued to worry and gnaw at Kaidan.

*

The reunion was short-lived as Kaidan was impatient to hear about Liara's ideas about finding a cure for Shepard's indoctrination, or at least a fullproof method of detecting indoctrination within an individual as much as it could be called that, and Kaidan prepared to take the rest of the squad to the secondary QEC room so that they could discuss the possibilities in private.

Kaidan winced at the memory of Shepard's face when he had suggested that maybe Hackett might have felt uncomfortable with him sitting in for the discussion. The hurt look had been fleeting, less than a blink of an eye, but Kaidan had caught it, and he felt even more guilty than when he had lashed out at Liara. He had tried to comfort Shepard, promised to fill him in with the details that they discussed, but the man had placed a blank mask of neutrality on his features, shrugging away Kaidan's hand and making his dejected way up to the cabin. It hurt him more than he cared to admit, watching the strength and confidence leech out of the man who had commanded missions and rallied fleets against the odds and he swore to himself again that he'd make it up the man, with a cure or with anything else.

"While EDI is preparing the beacon, I can discuss some of the things that I... mentioned when we were below ground," Liara opened.

Kaidan nodded as EDI replied from the air, "I will be able to monitor the progress of the meeting while establishing safety blocks around the room. It would be within our best interest to keep this information and the discussing as covert as we are able."

Liara smiled as she looked up, an instinctive habit that many of the crew had developed upon hearing EDI's voice materialize out of thin air.

"Thank you, EDI. That would be very much appreciated," Liara replied.

She turned towards the rest of them and paced the small, confined area slightly, moving her hands over one another in a nervous gesture that Kaidan was sure she had picked up from Shepard. He'd seen the man do it often when he was worried or nervous about something. Liara was muttering under her breath as she organized her thoughts, and she glanced up every so often to look at the different individuals who were present in the QEC. With a final sigh, she took up position in front of the blank console that served as a communicator and started laying out her thoughts and theories to the rest of them.

"The idea came to me when Shepard, Javik and I were last on Thessia, during the advent of the Reaper War and our search for the Catalyst," Liara began, adopting a lecturing posture and tone as she constantly moved around the spot. "Perhaps Shepard had included the information to the Alliance during his debrief on the Thessian mission, but I will quickly elaborate. I'm sure you are all aware that the Illusive Man and his... assassin Kai Leng were present during the beacon's activation. It apparently had an automatic shut-down protocol that would initiate should an indoctrinated individual get within range of its sensors."

Kaidan nodded on hearing the information; Shepard had mentioned it in passing as he was venting his frustration over the failure to secure the information about the Catalyst and Kaidan had noted it with some interest, but hadn't really prioritized the information. That was, until now.

"During the final push on... London, Shepard and I had a... discussion," Liara tinged purple slightly and Kaidan felt a lick of jealousy surge up in him. What 'discussion' did they have that would make Liara react that way? She continued before his thoughts could get him into trouble.

"Well, discussion might not be an appropriate term. I wanted to give him a... parting gift of sorts. In case he didn't... To put it simply, I offered him a unique opportunity to meld our consciousness with one another's, and while I assure you that it is nothing like the mating rituals we employ," she said, looking meaningfully at Kaidan and Javik, "It allows us to share experiences with each other, but not only that. We could share emotions, tangible feelings and moments that, I had hoped at the time, would help him move his thoughts away from more... darker paths."

Kaidan smiled slightly, both at Liara's nervous rambling and at the thought that maybe, they had each shared a parting moment with Shepard that had given him the will to move forward for all of them.

"When our minds touched, I had managed to absorb some of the information that Shepard had stored, the most recent ones being the clearest to interpret. It was part of these memories that triggered a spark within me; apparently, during the run on Cronos Station, the VI had been activated and had indicated that there were no indoctrinated personnel within range," Liara paused slightly as she let the information sink in. Kaidan didn't really understand-

"Don't you see? Shepard was present when the VI was re-activated. The only living individuals within the room had been Shepard, EDI and yourself Kaidan, and yet the VI indicated that it had detected nothing. It might have been possible to assume that on Thessia, Kai Leng was indoctrinated, but during his second interaction with the VI, there was no one else around to affect the outcome," Liara concluded triumphantly.

Kaidan's mouth hung open slightly. He'd been so caught up with the last push, the information that they had gleaned during the assault about the Cerberus reconstruction efforts on Shepard that he had let that little detail slip away from him. He wanted to mentally kick himself.

"It appears that the information about the encounter must have not been registered pertinent enough for me to maintain," EDI called out from the air and Kaidan swore that he could hear a... sheepish tone to her voice. Either way, he was grateful that she was the one who had voiced the issue instead of him.

"So, um... I mean, what good will that do for us, Liara? You know, Shepard was checked over twice by that VI and it says he wasn't indoctrinated. But could it be wrong? Faulty maybe? I mean, I just don't see how Shepard could be acting the way he is now, even with some post-war syndrome, without another explanation," Kaidan argued, trying to play the devil's advocate and make sure they covered all the bases.

Liara nodded emphatically as if she were expecting him to question her.

"Perhaps the VI's sensors were damaged or altered," Javik huffed at the thought that technology from his cycle could even be comprehended, let alone tampered with but Liara overrode him without pause, "I cannot be sure since it was lost during the assault on Cronos Station. However, according to Javik, each of the VIs that were placed within a beacon all had the same basic indoctrination detection mappings installed before they were seeded on the planets as a warning. If we can analyse the data from this beacon and use supplemental information from other beacons in order to bolster the-"

"Whoa," James butted in, hands raised and a wary look cast in Javik's direction, "Whoa Doc. So, let me get this straight. You want us to go out there, with Loco acting all... well, _loco_ , and search for _more_ beacons? I mean, you know I'm all down for saving the Commander's ass, but where do we even start? Will it even help?" he trailed off.

"Well, wouldn't it be worth a try, James?" Liara sighed, "Our knowledge of Prothean technology is limited to what relics have survived up until now and the information that Javik has of his own time. Despite his competence, Javik is a soldier, and he... doesn't really have much information about the scientific progress that the Protheans made during their last years."

Javik raised his head and gave James a very pointed look before speaking up. "This is true. My purpose was war, it was the air that I breathed and the sustenance I consumed. I do not apologize for specializing in killing, much like you human. My cycle was driven to the edge of extinction. We preserved what minds we could, but those that we call the Reapers were relentless in removing my people from existence," Javik's voice rang like a gong and a fire burned in his eyes as he spoke. Liara carefully moved to stand next to him and laid a comforting arm on his which seemed to bring him away from the edge. Slightly. Kaidan supposed that was as close to passive reasoning that the Prothean would be able to achieve, with them at least.

"Hey no, it's cool, Bugs, I mean, I get that right?" James said in mock defeat, a grin spreading over his features, and Kaidan almost choked out a groan at the inappropriate nickname, Javik's eyes narrowed dangerously and even Liara's increased physical contact was doing little to calm the alien down.

"Um, so anyway, if- if the basic VI cipher is faulty or insufficient, I mean, what else can we do about that Liara? Have you thought about how we could, uh, improve the system?" Kaidan stepped in, hoping to forestall the storm that was building up within the QEC.

"Yes, Kaidan" Liara leapt in quickly, " there are a few things we might want to consider. During my time as the Shadow Broker, I used the vast network of agents and information systems in order to pinpoint and locate important sites that might have been related to Prothean culture, in the hopes that I could explore and expand my studies and findings after the war. My findings led me to several worlds and institutions that have a high likelihood of containing structures that are similar to the ones that had beacons housed within them. I can send you the information for you to look at."

Kaidan nodded in gratitude. At last, the options were starting to multiply and he itched to finally begin searching for a cure for Shepard.

"Another thing we may want to consider is the geth," Liara added, turning everyone's attention back to her, "Shepard spoke to me about his time within the geth consciousness. While most of the information was... difficult to conceive, he did mention that his purpose within the Consensus was to help the geth remove controlling nodes filled with Reaper codes that were jamming their system."

That would mean they would have to travel to Rannoch, since the geth and the quarians were currently making their homes together on the planet. Maybe Tali would be around and she'd be able to help them with their search. However...

"Ah, but Liara. What if, I mean, during the Cleansing, didn't the Light eliminate everything that was Reaper based? That's why the quarians reported the geth had reverted back to their communal hive-mind mentality right?" Kaidan asked.

Liara cocked her head slightly in thought. "If that were true Kaidan, then we wouldn't be in the position we are currently in. If Shepard was under Reaper influence, the Light should have removed that taint from him as well, but by all indications, it hasn't. It might be a long shot, but I believe that some dormant code may still remain in a few of the platforms. It would be worth a look at least, all things considered, and I wonder if the Reaper's control of the geth is in anyway similar to indoctrination."

"Hmm. Last I heard, Tali was still on Rannoch. She might be able to help us out with that," Garrus brought up almost as an afterthought and despite the grim situation, Kaidan grinned as James snorted loudly. Shepard had told him about catching Garrus and Tali in the main battery and their awkward explanations about the situation and stuck mandibles and such.

Kaidan clapped his hands eagerly together, glad about the progress that they've made, but there was just one more bit of information he wanted to get out of Liara before he straightened everything out in his head. He still had to consider the report he had to send over to Hackett about why they'd detoured over to Thessia.

"Uh, so, down in the... ruins," Kaidan began hesitantly, trying to keep the hope out of his voice, "You mentioned something Liara, I mean, about curing indoctrination?" Well, he hadn't expected his voice to climb that high.

For the first time since the discussions, Liara looked nervous. She cast a quick glance around and realized that she had everyone's undivided attention on the matter. She almost flinched when Javik pressed a finger onto her shoulder and she nodded wordlessly as he indicated that he was confident in her ideas.

"I... It was actually one of the reports I received at the rendezvous, a... file that I intercepted while we were waiting for information about what had happened after the Crucible had fired and if Shepard had been found," Liara walked forward into the middle of the room, bringing up a large holo display and expanding it to fill out most of the empty space. She continued to speak while she fiddled with the settings.

"Actually, the report sparked an idea. I wouldn't even have considered it if I hadn't been part of the first Normandy with Shepard and seen the things that we did. Do you remember the Thorian on Feros, Garrus? Kaidan?"

An image revolved into clarity and those who hadn't been a part of the first expedition against Saren and the geth stared in wonder and curiosity at the creature display in front of them and the information about the experience. Kaidan merely grimaced at the thought and Garrus nodded slowly muttering a soft, "Yeah, that was nasty," in response.

Liara nodded agreement as she summarized the information for those who hadn't been with the original crew. "The Thorian was an ancient creature unlike anything we had encountered, then and now. It was partially plant based, but extended its reach through a network of... well, what looked like neuron clusters. It used spores, letting biological entities breathe it in, which allowed it to take root within the cranial cavity and extend a certain amount of mind control over its victims."

James pulled back as Liara finished, looking disgustedly at the holo, " _Esta fuchila_..."

"However," Liara continued as she swiped away the image and replaced it with that of an unusual looking asari, one that momentarily baffled Kaidan until he recognized her green skin, "what isn't common knowledge is that Saren used one of his... pawns and sacrificed her to the Thorian in exchange for more information about the Prothean Cipher that we had been searching for at the time. Her name is Shiala. She was indoctrinated at the point of her capture, but somehow, the Thorian's influence managed to erase whatever forms of indoctrination had hold over her and with its confirmed death, she regained her individuality with... minor consequences."

"Uh, how... How do you know all this Liara?" Kaidan blurted out. Even he was stunned by the extent of her information gathering skills.

Liara smiled a little mischievously at the question. "I was stationed on Illium when she was present. Even without the Shadow Broker's extensive network, I still managed to do a bit of digging on my own. A green-skinned asari is definitely not common, even among the galaxy's... oddities."

Kaidan nodded absently as he processed the information.

"Wait- But, I thought you said that, you know, the Thorian is dead. How does this help us?" Kaidan voiced out.

"It doesn't really," Liara said as she moved through another image, "I just wanted to show you that it is possible to combat indoctrination before I lead up to my... idea. Along with Shiala, the only other person that I am aware of to have fought off indoctrination is my mother. On Noveria. Do you remember that Kaidan?" Liara's voice had turned pensive and quiet at the memory.

Kaidan remembered all too well, Matriarch Benezia, a powerful asari and biotic that had been working for Saren and was the main reason that they had asked Liara to join them, unschooled youngster that she was, in their search for answers during their run aboard the first Normandy. Benezia had used her powerful will and asari discipline to cordon off a part of her mind, allowing it to break free during the last few moments with her daughter so that she could speak to her as a mother instead of a monster. Liara had been withdrawn and distraught after the mission, retreating to her small office within the med-bay and refusing to speak to anyone except for Shepard.

"I... I remember, Liara," Kaidan said hoarsely. He wondered how well he would have fared if it had been his mother instead. Probably not as well as the strong-willed young woman.

Liara nodded as she brushed the memory away and brought out an image that Kaidan, and everyone else for that matter, puzzled over in silence before she spoke up.

"From the information I've gathered, besides Shiala, there is only one other creature that has fought off indoctrination not once, but twice, during its lifetime. You and Garrus have met it before, Kaidan, as have most of us in the recent few months. From what I can tell, our best bet at removing any form of indoctrination from Shepard will be to search for the Rachni Queen."

*

Shepard paced absently in the mess hall, every so often moving around the food preparation area, stalking over to the glass-windowed med-bay and watched as Dr. Chang tried to work on the dead Husk that they had brought aboard but she cringed every time his restless stare landed on her. She was such a timid little thing, and he worried how easily she'd break if they ever got into a situation like the Normandy did during the Collector run. He found himself doing that often, wandering back and forth through his memories and trying to sift fact from fiction, and had been diligently practising mental exercises that he'd learned from Samara. But right now, he wasn't trying to be calm or rational.

Shepard knew, more than anyone, that he was an extremely impatient man. The shore party, Garrus, Liara and Javik and been in the secondary QEC for the last thirty minutes and Shepard was fraying the rope of his patience with mental fingers as he wondered what they were discussing. Surely it had something to do with the inert Prothean beacon that they had dragged aboard the Normandy.

Steve was in the cargo area, working with EDI and engineering as they prepared to hook up the beacon so that they could extract whatever information it was that they were searching for. Joker was lounging around in the cockpit, waiting for the signal to take-off and head out for their next destination and had only absently replied to Shepard's attempts at conversation as he was so engrossed in calibration with his love child. So Shepard was stuck alone and left to stew as he fought to keep himself actively away from the creeping blankness that was always at the edge of his mind. He stopped his circuit and turned, changing his direction as he wished for at least the hundredth time that Kaidan was down here with him. That had probably stung more than anything, though he knew he shouldn't have felt that stab of betrayal.

Shepard had hoped he could have been a part of the discussion, include some necessary input into the matter, to be useful, but Kaidan had very gently shot him down. Like a titanium gauntlet wrapped in the softest asari fabrics, it had still hurt. He was still trying to puzzle out what was wrong with his head, why the dreams had changed and had come back after the war was over and he had spent much of his time on the extranet searching for information and clues about mental trauma and psychological damage. He'd even followed the case of an asari patient from Huerta Memorial, one that he'd seen when the Citadel was still an active, buzzing hive of galactic commerce, though there were hardly any parallels that he could draw from her situation and his own. In terms of magnitude anyway.

The lights of the mess suddenly dimmed, flickered and brightened again, causing Dr. Chang to jump and squeak out a sound, her bulk crashing into the table at the sudden change.

"I apologise for the interruptions in the Normandy's standard routine procedures," EDI's smooth voice rang out through the ship, "Please do not be alarmed, it is only a temporary setback as we recalibrate our engine's energy load to cope with the increased output load. Thank you." she added as an afterthought.

Shepard sat down with his third cup of tea and watched as Dr. Chang clutched at her chest and cast panicked looks around the area, fanning herself slightly with her other hand as she tried to get back to work with all the excitement. Shepard grinned wolfishly. He wondered how well she'd fare when they were in a straight-up space dog-fight. He sobered as he seriously considered asking Kaidan to station someone in the med-bay in case the doctor suffered a heart attack from just such an incident.

Shepard could hear muffled cursing coming from the floor above him and he looked up and grinned when he recognized Traynor's voice filtering through. Probably something to do with the quantum arrays that she had been painstakingly been readjusting for the last hour or so. Another flighty bird that had grown in the zoological marvel that was the Normandy. Shepard was pleasantly chasing down his memories of the first time he'd met the then flighty and nervous communications specialist when a quiet, soft voice intruded in on him.

_Control. Dark... Shadows..._

_Shepard. Your mind is already ours... Shepard._

Shepard shook his head in denial as he tried to simultaneously chase away the voice and remember why it always sounded so... familiar.

Abruptly the cursing above him ceased and after a few moments, the elevator could be heard grinding its way closer to him. He could hear the sounds against his back. They must be done with the meeting and Shepard felt an echoing pang of regret at not being able to be a part of something so crucial.

Surprisingly the elevator stopped at the mess level, Shepard had assumed that they would be heading down to the cargo bay to inspect the situation with the beacon, but he wasn't going to be caught moping like a child when his friends turned round the corner and he stood up with his half-filled mug and made his way over to the sink so that he could at least look like he was doing something. He was standing there for less than a minute when he heard familiar voices echo through the area, one in particular, a deep, cultured rasp that always sent pleasant tingles over Shepard's spine and chest.

A shadow fell on to his side as he forced himself not to look up and the figure paused before it reached out a tentative hand and laid it on the tight muscle that joined his neck to his slumped shoulders.

"John..." Kaidan said hesitantly.

"So... How'd it go?" Shepard didn't need to look up to see the wince on Kaidan's face as the hand withdrew and he desperately wished he could take back the cold, hurt tone in his voice and the uncaring words that had just escaped of their own accord.

A pause dragged on as Kaidan muddled over what to say. "It, um, it went... well. We're heading down to the cargo bay to, um, take a look at the beacon. EDI says she's gotten it to run, and, you know, I was wondering if you'd join us, John."

Shepard bit back the bitter reply that he was originally going to spew and swallowed it down as he looked up and rewarded Kaidan with a small smile of gratitude. Damn but he felt like an idiot sometimes around the man standing in front of him.

"I... Alright, Kaidan. Let's go take a look at what you've found."

Kaidan smiled at the acceptance, his eyes gleaming with a faint... something that Shepard couldn't identify and Kaidan leaned forward, pressing up slightly against him and letting a chaste kiss touch his cheek.

"Listen, John. I know, I mean, I don't really _know_ , but I... I promise you, I'll explain everything. Later. Just... give me some time to get everything together, alright? I don't really-"

Shepard placed a gentle, wet finger against the man's lips and forced out an understanding smile. The smiled turned deeper and more genuine as Kaidan unconsciously licked the moisture, and in the process Shepard's finger, away from his lips.

"Relax, Kaidan. It's fine. I got it. You don't have to explain it... all to me. We can talk about it later, after you're-"

"This is inappropriate and unnecessary Commander, a complete waste of time," Javik's voice rang through the moment, slicing it like a knife, "It does not matter which cycle you are in, when our presence is requested, it is normally most efficient to _proceed with haste_."

They shared a look of long suffering patience as they turned to see the Prothean standing opposite the counter, four yellow eyes  glaring at the both of them, bracing himself forward as if preparing to charge and snatch them both away for a scolding. At least, Shepard hoped that it was a scolding and nothing more... violent.

"Javik, it's good to see you too," Shepard carefully stated.

Javik looked like Shepard had just threatened to cut off his arms and Kaidan's muffled snorts were doing nothing to help the situation.

"Good? What about this is good, Commander? You are a legend and a hero, the slayer of the Reapers. In my cycle, you would have been honoured with a rite that would have left you insensate for days, before we brought you to the Temple of Heroic Sacrifice and cut out your heart."

Shepard's eyes bulged at the statement. "Umm, I really don't think that's necessary Javik. You see-"

"No Commander, I do not see. Even we do not treat our slave races this pitifully should they manage to elevate their status in the eyes of their masters. I did not understand how primitive humans were until today. It pains me even to witness your situation, Commander," Javik kept steam rolling on, and Shepard was completely lost as to where the Prothean was headed.

"Javik, I really don't think-" Kaidan began but Shepard cut him off with a placating gesture and eyed the Prothean carefully before speaking up.

"Are you... upset that I'm not being honoured as... appropriately as I should be, Javik?"

Understanding dawned in Kaidan's eyes, which were growing rounder by the minute, and Javik launched into another harangue.

"I... No! That is not the point, Commander. It is unacceptable by any standard. You especially, should have the strength to claim what is your own," Javik was beginning to wave his arms expressively and Kaidan wisely stepped back to avoid being accidentally smashed in the face. Shepard hadn't really been the sort of person to back down from anything though, "You should know better, Commander, standing here and contemplating of a life without war. You should have claimed what was yours, by right. You-"

And at the last word, Javik leapt forward and grabbed Shepard by his arms, heads almost touching.

A tide of information and feelings swept over the both of them, and Shepard could feel the awesome ebb and flow of experiences and feelings as it shifted, merged and separated between them. Shepard managed to pull from Javik's mind that the Prothean had used his speechifying and hyperbolic gestures as a ruse, trying to make Shepard let his guard down so that he could get close enough to read him. Javik could sense Shepard's loss, the almost aimless drifting through the Normandy like a ghost with no purpose, nights with Kaidan, days and times filled with love, worry and confusion. Shepard traced familiar images in his mind, things that he had seen and felt when Javik had grabbed him and performed the same action back when they had first retrieved the Prothean and woken him up.

As the pull turned and continued swirling around the both of them, Shepard became aware that Javik was muttering to himself as he dug deeper and deeper into Shepard's mind, searching for information that was a long time ago. Warm fingers, five fingers, gripping his arm and Javik's as it tried to pull them both away. A worried, blue-skinned face hovering just over the edge of Javik's shoulder. The Collectors, razing through the colonies, a swathe of destruction and chaos that spiralled away from him as the Normandy crashed and burned, the dark haze washing over him. Shepard saw Saren stand from a shot to the head, the experiences on Ilos as Kaidan yelled something unintelligible and another set of hands, warm brown and large tried to pull the Prothean away. Spanish cursing came out Kaidan's mouth as they stared at the beacon on Eden Prime and-

Javik tore himself away as the images ceased, and Shepard leaned against the counter, breathing heavily as a dull throb spread across his brain. Javik was being restrained by James and Kaidan while Liara hovered worriedly over the Prothean and Garrus looked on in shocked curiosity. Shepard raised a hand to his head in the hopes of quelling the rising dullness that was beginning to grow stronger and he watched as Javik stilled, eyes burning straight into him.

"So, Commander. That was your secret," Javik almost whispered and Shepard couldn't place the emotion behind the voice. Fear? Awe? Something along those lines. "I had not known. I did not have the time then that I did now."

"Let him go," Shepard whispered hoarsely as James and Kaidan exchanged questioning glances. Liara looked worriedly at him but still hadn't left Javik's side, "It's alright. I'm fine. Just... let him go."

Javik pulled out of the slackened grip and moved to step in front of Shepard, nearly blocking his view of everything else. He could still see Kaidan hovering over the Prothean's shoulder, concern etched over his handsome features.

"Would you..." Shepard cleared his throat as some of the feedback blinded his sight and he fought to keep it away, "Javik. Would you care to explain to us, what the hell you thought you just did," Shepard said in the best commanding tone that he could muster.

Javik looked unaffected as he stared inquisitively at him. He could hear Dr. Chang asking quiet, shaky questions in the corner and Garrus and James trying to settle her down.

"I had never suspected.... But now, I know for sure. My priorities had been otherwise when you awakened me. But now, I know what it is I search for. I had thought you had found others and that this had been lost... Commander, that beacon that you activated in the... place that you called Eden Prime? That was no ordinary beacon that we had left behind," Javik said quietly as he stared intently at him, and Shepard had to admit he was a little unnerved by the four-eyed gaze.

"Uh... I... What? The beacon? On Eden Prime?" Shepard gabbled stupidly, the statements not making sense.

Javik nodded thoughtfully, bringing his face even closer to study Shepard's.

"Yes. No one living, other than a Prothean, should have been able to access the information that we kept in that particular Memory Pylon. I did not understand at first how it was that you could understand... but now..."

Javik stepped back as if the conversation was over and Kaidan was no longer looking at Javik, but at him with the same sort of mixed curiosity and dread. Liara was similarly studying him and Garrus and James had fallen silent, half-heartedly trying to shove Dr. Chang back into the med-bay. The silence was deafening.

"The... the Memory Pylon?" Shepard was still lost with where this was going, and he wondered how much further away from reality this would go.

Javik nodded as if he were expecting the question the entire time.

"It is to what you call 'beacons' as a sun is to a single flame. The Memory Pylon existed on a world that was under our rule and was used to house Knowledge. It was one of the reasons why I was stationed there, to protect the knowledge of my people at all costs and to use it in the next cycle, against the Reapers," Javik breathed as he hesitated to continue, the first time the Shepard had seen the Prothean so unsure of himself.

"What-"

"The Memory Pylon houses the collective voice and consciousness of the Prothean people, over the centuries of our extermination and before we encountered the Reapers. You, commander, have within your mind, the countless personalities and minds of a dead people. Our greatest scientists, our most brilliant generals. All who have existed since the founding of this... technology have been kept within the Pylon. And all those voices are now within you."


	11. Lost Among The Crowd

Kaidan had a plan.

He cast a quick glance behind him at Shepard who was impatiently fiddling with some of his armour mods at the console near the back of the cargo bay. Every so often, Shepard would look up with a curious and unusual look on his face at the group clustered along the front of the cargo bay, just off to the side and out of the way of casual foot traffic and the Kodiak's movement path. Kaidan could still hear the echoes of conversation that had just happened only a few minutes back and several metres above them. Shepard, his head not only filled with Prothean lore and culture, but the very essence of the Prothean people themselves, all trapped in his head. It made him wonder if that was the reason for Shepard's... erratic behaviour. It would be difficult to find one soul, lost among the crowd, and a thousand years worth? Maybe, just maybe.

But a tiny, annoying voice at the back of his head kept bringing him back to the transcript that Admiral Hackett had shown him. Stepping into a Reaper, willingly, and god only knew what had happened while Shepard was in there before the Crucible had shut down Harbinger once and for all. He still had so many questions, so many considerations about everything that was going on and he didn't know where to turn to or what to do for answers. It was bad enough that he had to keep Shepard in the dark about so many things, and it hurt to think that the man's trust and confidence were dwindling with each occurrence.

 _"The Rachni Queen, Doc? What are you,_ loco _?" James practically shouted, breaking the confounding silence that permeated the air since Liara's pronouncement. The sudden outburst opened the floodgates as everyone poured out their own opinions at the same time._

_"He is right, Liara. The possibility of the Rachni being traceable while simultaneously calculating for-"_

_"Wait a minute there, Liara. Just because Shepard rescued her once from Noveria and a second time from-"_

_"The Rachni were a plague in my cycle, they should have been extinguished as well as-"_

_"I mean, hell, I'm all down for saving Loco's sanity, you know? But how do we even find-"_

_"Can't even think of where to beginning searching for-"_

_"Alright, enough!" Kaidan broke through, shouting everyone else down._

_"Major, I mean, there's just no way Alliance'll let this one slide. Yeah, we used them on the Crucible but desperate times and all that. No way Hackett'll let it slide..." James said, voicing out Kaidan's fear about the subject._

_"I'll... deal with it. Talk to Hackett, just maybe..."_

_"It's alright Kaidan," Liara said soothingly as she shut down the holo, "I mean, it was something I was considering anyway. They're probably right, it might not amount to much..."_

_"Still, I'd appreciate it if, uh, you could maybe send me the data you have on the Rachni?"_

_"Of course, Kaidan."_

"-with your permission, Major Alenko?" EDI's voice broke in, startling him out of his thoughts.

Everyone was looking expectantly at him and he tried desperately to recall what his sub-conscious might have heard about what they'd been discussing. Oh, that's right. They were going to start up the beacon and run a diagnostic on its capacity to identify indoctrination. With a last quick glance at Shepard behind, he nodded his assent and EDI paused for a moment as she diverted power into the device and let the sequences run.

A small, green orb emerged out of the surface and seemed to scan all of them before coalescing into a larger, more chaotic shifting orb of green streams. It seemed to regard them quizzically for a moment before it hovered in place and addressed them.

"Obtaining chronological marker. Timescale established. Post-Prothean cycle, confirmed. Searching for the presence of-"

"VI," Javik said, stepping forward, "Cancel initializing sequence. The war, it is over."

"Hold," came the response, "Order confirmed."

Kaidan watched in wonder as the random bits of translucent green pieces began to whirl and shape themselves, affixing pieces on to limbs and a torso that was smaller, but recognizably Prothean. It stood there patiently and if it seemed to recognize Javik as a living Prothean from its era, it gave no sign.

Kaidan noticed a slight tightening in Javik's expression before he stilled it, stepping forward and addressing the VI directly.

"What are you called?"

"I am called Ward."

Javik nodded in response. He cast a telling glance at Kaidan then at Shepard. Kaidan understood what he was trying to imply and nodded silently in response, "Ward, run protocol thirteen-two," Javik spoke and lowered his voice as he continued, "Complete scan for indoctrinated presence."

"Scanning..."

Everyone seemed to hold their breath at the same time the device concluded its scan and voiced its findings.

"Indoctrinated presence... not detected," and the collective whoosh of breath that emerged from everyone sounded very much like a breeze as it echoed off the metallic walls of the cargo bay.

Kaidan grinned with relief as Steve said, "Well, that's that I suppose."

James had other things on his mind however as he blurted out, "Wait, wait. That's it? We're just supposed to accept that that's enough? Can't we just," James cast a wary glance back to where Shepard appeared to be engrossed in his armour mods, "Can't we, you know, run some scans on Loco or something? I mean, we _did_ say that this might be a... different type of... indoctrination. Or something." the last word almost a barely heard whisper.

Liara bit her lip as she turned to look at Kaidan. "He's right, Kaidan. We know that this isn't enough to discount anything, except that it helps us at least identify that _we_ aren't indoctrinated. In the normal sense anyway," she added glumly.

Kaidan had known, had been the one to bring it up, but he didn't want to kill the small burst of hope that had appeared after the VI's pronouncement. Still...

"Javik," he said, turning to the Prothean, "Do you think that maybe, the beacons have some kind of... biometric scanner? Can they, uh, can we use it to scan Shepard?"

Javik narrowed his eyes as he snorted disdainfully, "This is an encapsulated VI program meant to convey information on our cycle, human. Why would you think it would need a medical scan program installed. It is a stupid concept."

Kaidan raised his hands in defeat as he tried to calm Javik down, "Alright, alright. So maybe not the best idea, but I wonder..."

"Kaidan?" Liara asked curiously.

Ignoring her for the moment, he turned to address the VI as it neutrally stood there, watching everything unfold.

"Um, VI-- I mean, Ward. Can I ask you a question?" Kaidan asked tentatively.

"What question?" It responded. Well, that was a good sign, he supposed.

"Can you... uh, can you scan for other forms of... indoctrination? Do you have information, any information, whether other forms of indoctrination exist?" Kaidan rushed out.

The holographic image of the VI stared at him and seemed to blink through the query as the translucent particles shifted and re-aligned.

"Scanning data banks and searching for relevant information on subject: indoctrination. Hold."

Muted conversation was starting up again as the silence dragged on and Javik and Liara seemed to be having a heated discussion about something while James and Steve were speaking softly to one another. Kaidan continued to stare at the VI as it seemed to return the gesture.

"Scan complete," it concluded, drawing everyone's attention back to it, "Information on indoctrination protocols, two. Information on indoctrination, one."

"Two?" Kaidan blurted out but Javik overrode him and spoke up to the VI.

"Two indoctrination protocols? Ward, why are there two protocols for indoctrination? This is something even I was not aware of..." he demanded.

"Protocol thirteen-two. Preliminary scan of cranial synaptic response mapping and system in order to identify rudimentary concept of indoctrination caused by Reaper electromagnetic field generation and infra/ultra sound influences. Data founded and collated by-"

"And the second protocol," Javik insisted, teeth bared.

"Protocol fifteen-one," the VI replied coolly, "Indoctrination is a poorly understood phenomena. During the occupation of Tarr'Grish, multiple exponentials of said phenomena were recorded by Master Riaton, drawing concern to consideration that possibility exists for indoctrination system to be altered or improved. Studies show examples of individuals who have obvious symptoms of indoctrination while maintaining independence and unique characteristics. Study one, original study opened and created by Master Taras, shows-"

"Enough. End your pointless ranting," Javik said, biting off each word crisply.

"Understood," came the VI's reply and it whirled back into stillness.

Everyone seemed stunned by the revelation, but Kaidan didn't feel weighed down by the additional information. On the contrary, he felt the tiny seed of hope expand as it grew wings and soared within him.

"That's it," Kaidan breathed, eyes shining, "Even the Protheans realized that other forms of indoctrination existed. It- Maybe, it could one of those. Or maybe another form that has never been encountered before. If we know that then we could cure John, or..."

"Kaidan..." Liara began, stepping toward him, but he moved away and approached the VI.

"VI, I mean, Ward. Run protocol fifteen-one," Kaidan said.

Javik had opened his mouth and was about to say something when the VI spoke, silencing him. "Protocol fifteen-one. Indoctrination is a poorly understood phenomena. During the occupation of Tarr'Grish-"

"Wait, what? No, _run_ protocol fifteen-one. Scan for other forms of indoctrination."

"Unable to comply," came the polite reply and Kaidan wanted to grit his teeth.

"Why can't you run protocol fifteen-one?" Kaidan snapped out. They were _this_ close to finding answers, reliable, solid answers and the only thing standing between him and that was a recalcitrant VI.

"Not enough data available," it said simply in response and Kaidan wondered if hitting the beacon would make the thing work properly.

Javik stepped up and placed a hand on Kaidan's shoulder silencing him with a look and making him step back.

"Prothean technology requires a delicate hand, human," Javik almost smirked and Kaidan almost contemplated punching the smug alien in the face. Almost.

"Ward," Javik opened, "We require more information. Expand upon limitations for protocol fifteen-one."

"Not enough data available," the VI responded patiently and Kaidan had to fight back a smirk as Javik rose threateningly up to the hologram.

"Ward," Javik practically hissed, "why is the data insufficient? Expand you stupid VI. We require more information."

"Memory loss detected. Re-routing inquiry. Protocol fifteen-one. Indoctrination is a poorly understood phenomena. During the-"

"Enough!" Javik roared as he whipped around and addressed Kaidan, "This construct is obviously faulty. It must have been damaged during the war. We will throw it out the airlock. Now."

James snorted from behind Kaidan as he quipped back, "Yeah, and watch as it falls, smack onto Thessia. What was that you said about 'planetary bombardment' EDI?"

"Lieutenant Vega is correct, Javik. During the war, Thessia suffered massive orbital attacks from Reaper Destroyers. It would not be recommended to compound the damage done to the planet by-"

"You are all fools," Javik declared, "Machines are a waste of time and effort and the only thing that compounds itself is the stupidity of primitives too blind to see-"

"Javik. Please," was all Liara said as she directed a sharp look at the Prothean and it cut through the tirade like a knife.

"No, T'Soni, you must understand..."

Kaidan sighed as the frustrated bickering continued. He could understand now why Shepard had had so many sleepless nights and stressful moments just handling the coalition that he had painstakingly gathered together and wondered, not for the first time, if even that would have been possible if the threat of annihilation hadn't hovered over everything like a bad smell. As

his thoughts returned to Shepard, he cast a look back at the armoury bench and saw that Shepard was no longer there. He sighed again in resignation, wishing that he could just come clean with his lover. Perhaps it would help the situation, or it might damn them all if Shepard went over the edge, he didn't know.

"EDI, has Shepard..."

"My scans have indicated that he left the cargo bay approximately seven minutes ago and has only just recently entered the Starboard Observation section."

"Thank you. Liara could you..."

Liara turned at the sound of her name and gave him a quick nod. "Of course. I'll let you know if anything... changes."

With a grateful nod in return, Kaidan turned towards the elevator and strode away from the group as he tried to come up with what to say to Shepard about everything that had been going on.

*

Shepard paced relentlessly, thankful that his enhanced healing had allowed him to exert himself more forcefully without any serious consequences. He kept his eyes down onto the metallic floor of the room, refusing to look up for fear of spotting something that would draw his attention to it; he didn't want to unnecessarily shred something that he'd miss later on or that they would have great difficulty in replacing.

Just as he was about to give up on another empty circuit and consider destroying at least _one_ cushion, the door to the main hall swished open and Kaidan stood tiredly, framed against the door. Shepard cast a quick look at the man and resumed his fevered pacing, refusing to look the other man in the face.

"John..." Kaidan began but Shepard didn't look up, couldn't look up, for fear of breaking down and venting his frustrations on someone who probably didn't deserve it.

Shepard paused as he felt his head collide with Kaidan's chest and before he could turn around and walk away from the obstacle, Kaidan grabbed both of his arms in his hands and tried to move him to look up into the other man's eyes.

"John, please..."

Shepard half-heartedly tried to pull back, aware that his physical enhancements made him much stronger than any normal person should be, and even with Kaidan's added muscle over the last few years and Shepard's recent deterioration, he knew he could have easily broken that hold on him if he tried.

Kaidan let go when he was sure Shepard wouldn't move away once they broke contact and stepped back as Kaidan watched him. Shepard found himself shifting under that stare, always so deep and meaningful that seemed to search for things within himself that he didn't even think existed.

"What do you want me to say Kaidan?" Shepard said hoarsely, throat obstructed with emotion.

"I don't know John, what do _you_ want to say?" Kaidan said softly as he continued to watch.

"Me? So now I get a say in all this?" Shepard snorted at the absurdity of the situation, "I mean, when I told you that I understood what you were doing, it didn't mean I was okay with you shoving me on some shelf like an old Blasto stuffed-toy."

"Okay, yeah. Well, John, what did you expect me to do?" Kaidan said hotly, "To say? Didn't you think that I wanted you with us, with me? Hackett's orders were that-"

Shepard closed the gap between the in an eye blink, coming up close to Kaidan and making the other man step back in shock. "By-the-book Kaidan? I thought we left that all behind when we started something between us. So I guess that just doesn't mean anything to you, or at least it doesn't mean the same thing that I'm holding on to..."

That was all Shepard could get out, still very much aware of how much his words could hurt Kaidan if he applied them correctly and he didn't want any irreparable damage done to their relationship if he could help it. Kaidan flared hotly and stepped up to the statement, rare anger burning through his control.

"And what is that supposed to mean, John," Kaidan growled through gritted teeth, sending a thrill of attraction and anger at the man's tone and words.

"You know what it means, Kaidan," Shepard snapped back, not backing down now that he had the opening to voice his thoughts, "I'm fine, everything about me is fine. I-"

"Not everything, John," Kaidan said with quiet intensity, "Have you already forgotten? On Earth? What you did, or were planning to do to that doctor?"

"Of course I've forgotten! I can't even remember what happened, how the hell am I supposed to remember something like that? I told you, I told Hackett. It doesn't stop me from being useful, from being a soldier..." Shepard finished bitterly as he turned away, finally letting his closely guarded fear out as the anger quickly drained away.

Shepard tensed as he felt strong arms fold over his chest and arms from behind, felt Kaidan press himself up against his own tight back, as he stared forward at nothing.

"John? Is that what all this is about?" Kaidan whispered soothingly into his ear, diminishing the shame and anger that had been burning in him, "I... I didn't know."

"A ship without its engine isn't much of a ship, huh Kaidan," Shepard muttered quietly as he felt Kaidan's breath twine around his scalp and ear, "I'm a fighter, I'm Alliance. What the hell can I even do now? I don't even know what's wrong with me, where to start, how to even begin looking for answers. I hate being in the dark like this..."

"No, John," Kaidan said as he pulled Shepard in closer, "That's not all you are. I mean sure, that's a part of what made you a legend, a great soldier. But there's more. Mentor, friend... lover."

Shepard felt another thrill move through him at the words, comforting, reassuring words.

"Kaidan, I..."

"I'm sorry, John. I never meant to keep you in the dark. Look, I-- I'll talk to Hackett when I report in, see if we can convince him to, I don't know, give you more free reign? Listen, John," Kaidan said, releasing his hold and turning Shepard around to look at him, "I- I want you to know... I mean, you are so important to me, and once, I let so many things get between that. Between us..."

Shepard watched as Kaidan trailed off, gathering his thoughts, face partially scrunched up as he wrestled with his thoughts.

"John, I'll tell you everything, everything I know, about what's going on alright? I mean, let's... let's just settle stuff here on Thessia first and see where we're heading off to. I... I promise, I'll fill you in on everything. Tonight. Alright, Shepard?" Kaidan said tiredly, as if reaching the decision in his mind had sucked away the last of his strength.

Shepard opened his mouth to speak but EDI's voice broke through the air, interrupting him.

"Shepard. Major Alenko. We have concluded most of the investigations into the beacon. Liara is outside the Starboard Observation entrance requesting entry. Shall I allow her in?"

"Ah, actually EDI, I'll come out. Tell Liara to hold on," Kaidan said before quickly turning to him and whispering silently, "Later John, I promise. Wait for me?"

Shepard pressed a quick kiss on soft, warm lips before pulling back and staring seriously into Kaidan's eyes.

"Always."

*

Kaidan stepped out as the door to the Starboard Observation slid shut. Liara was leaning casually against the wall, tapping some points into her omni-tool and Kaidan wondered again if she had been waiting outside the entire time and had listened to their conversation so that she could leap in with a well-timed interruption. Probably not.

Liara looked up, slightly worried, as he approached.

"Kaidan, is Shepard..."

Kaidan leaned against the wall opposite from her and scrubbed at his eyes tiredly. Thank god the encounter hadn't left him with any headaches, but even if it had, he'd have been glad for it, finally cracking through Shepard's thick wall of indifference and getting to the heart of the matter. That, more than anything else, had decided it for him.

"He's fine. Probably just a little pissed-off about the whole thing, but... I think we're good. We're good." Kaidan said, letting a little relief tinge his words, "So, how's the beacon? Thrown out the airlock yet?" Kaidan asked innocently, hoping to change the subject.

Liara gave a light, musical laugh in response.

"Now most of you understand how... frustrating it can be working on Prothean relics sometimes. In any case, it probably wouldn't have been the wisest action."

Kaidan ventured a small smile at that. "Yeah, you're probably right. So did we manage to pull anything else out of it?"

"So far, nothing too concrete," Liara said, bringing up her omni-tool and letting the expanded holo-screen play out in front of him, "I tried to investigate the other entry about... indoctrination and it turned out it was a compilation of already known facts and case studies that were documented on different worlds."

Kaidan snorted in response, "Yeah, um, so nothing extra, I guess."

"Well, we wouldn't expect all the answers to appear right before us would we?" Liara sighed.

"So, I- What do you think should be our next step in... all of this?" Kaidan posed the question to her.

Liara paused thoughtfully for a moment before venturing an answer.

"I suppose our best bet would be to hunt down any remaining Prothean beacons and to retrieve the remnant codes from the geth. I can send you the list, though the most easily accessible seemed to be in... familiar places. Omega, Tuchanka and Rannoch. We could perhaps leave that for last, so that we could retrieve the codes from the geth at the same time... I'm not sure."

"Yeah, alright. That sounds like a plan at least... Better than anything else I can think off," Kaidan muttered wryly and Liara picked up on it almost instantly.

"Goddess, how dense of me. This must be very difficult for you, Kaidan, especially after everything you've been through with Shepard. And I didn't even think to ask, how you were doing..."

Kaidan forced out a small smile at her concern. "I'm... I mean, it hasn't really been easy, you know? But Shepard... well, he's doing alright, for now at least. I just... I don't know Liara, how much more he'll have to go through and whether it'll break him or... I-- I'm just not sure."

"Yes, Shepard has always been so strong. Always our guiding light in the darkness of space, and now, with everything that's going on... But anyway, I'd much rather prefer to know how _you're_ doing, Kaidan."

Kaidan breathed a difficult breath. He wasn't a prime example of a social creature and he'd only been able to come out of his shell recently with Shepard, despite all the time that they had spent together. Even though Liara and Garrus were the next closest friends he had, it was still difficult to lay out his emotions to anyone else but Shepard.

"I'm... I'm doing fine I guess. I was just hoping, you know, maybe after everything was over, all the things we've seen and done, the universe would give us a break. Or just let us live our lives in peace. God, I can't even... I mean, I don't even know what to do sometimes. With everything. How do I even... I guess, what I'm trying to say is, it's tough. But I'll manage somehow."

Liara beamed a smile of confidence at him and he blushed slightly under her scrutiny.

"Oh Kaidan, you've become so much stronger and capable. Even Shepard has seen how much you've grown. It'll be fine, you'll see. With Shepard and the mission. I seemed to recall telling you once before, they don't call it _falling_ in love for nothing. You fall, and you hit hard enough to see the stars."

Kaidan smiled in remembrance, faint memories tugging against him. "Uh, yeah... I remember something like that, once, a long time ago when you were just an innocent, young archaeologist and I was the nervous, train-wreck serving with the infamous Commander Shepard," Kaidan turned a cheeky look at his friend before continuing, "So, uh... You and Javik huh? I guess you both fell pretty hard too. Or did he throw you out an airlock?" he teased.

"Kaidan..." Liara said, blushing, "Well, it was a very... educational experience getting to know the Protheans on such a personal level. And despite all his short-comings, Javik is... difficult but very caring. And perhaps a little over-protective."

"Um, yeah, that sounds like an understatement."

"Anyway," Liara continued, pointedly ignoring him, "It was difficult for him too, after the war. A soldier that lacked purpose."

Kaidan felt the hair on the back of his neck stand. _Had_ she been listening in on them?

"I suppose that many people will feel the same, after all the events that have occurred. It would be difficult to continue living unless they had something... or someone to fight and live for. Javik had intended to... return to his people, but I... I guess I gave him a reason to stay a little while longer. Besides," Liara added, blushing even deeper now, "It would make sense that I could, perhaps, give Javik something akin to family, since... well... as an asari, I can..."

"Well. Wow, I mean... So what, there'll be a lot of little Javiks running around huh? That'll be... unnerving," Kaidan said disbelievingly. One Prothean was bad enough, but a host of asari with Prothean bluntness ingrained into them from birth? A truly uncomfortable notion.

"It is as the Goddess wills it, Kaidan," Liara concluded airily.

"Yeah, let's hope so. Alright, let me, uh, give me some time to get my report straight for Hackett then we can all be off to... Maybe, I don't know, we could try-"

"Kaidan..." Liara said hesitantly and Kaidan immediately trailed off at the sound of his name. Watched as Liara refused to look at him and dry washed her hands in front of her, shifting from foot to foot. Then it hit him.

"You... You're not, coming with us?" Kaidan asked, trying to keep out the hurt and disappointment from his voice.

"I'm sorry Kaidan, truly, but there is just so much for me to do with... on Thessia," Liara ventured quietly, no doubt moving away from talking about establishing her Shadow Broker connections. "With my people scattered across the night winds and with very little government left, I... someone has to step in. And I think I've had enough wandering around the galaxy to satisfy any two asari maidens."

"But Liara, I... We need you. Can't I convince you to..." Kaidan began. He thought she'd have jumped willingly at the chance to help Shepard, at the chance to right the wrong that was done to a person that the galaxy owed so much to.

Liara shook her head slowly. "No, I'm sorry Kaidan. Javik and I are needed here on Thessia, and wherever else asari have begun to rebuild. I will of course, establish a secure connection between myself and Normandy so that you can always ask for my help on matters," she added quickly, "but other than that, my place is no longer on the Normandy," she finished sadly.

Kaidan nodded quickly, trying to keep the rasping edge from his voice, but failing miserably.

"Garrus, he..."

"I believe Garrus would be willing to accompany you," Liara said quietly, "From what I've discussed with him at least. You could speak to him later, if you want to understand more of his reasons or... Anyway, I'm truly sorry Kaidan. I wish I could do more but..."

"No... I-- It's alright, I understand. You've already done so much for me... for Shepard. I just thought... Never mind. We should be leaving pretty soon, if you need us to drop you off somewhere or..."

"We'll find our own way, Kaidan, but thank you for offering. Once I've completed gathering the data from the beacon, I'll be leaving with Javik."

Kaidan nodded sadly at the thought of having one of his oldest friends moving on with her life, away from the Normandy.

"Oh, I almost forgot... I, uh, I wanted to ask you something, if you happen to know that is..."

"Anything Kaidan."

"I... I have a friend, I think, that came back to Thessia before the... well, before the Reapers hit. Her name is Masyra. Do you... do you happen to have any information on her?"

Liara shifted her omni-tool up and typed in some data as she searched through what looked like a remote access to the Shadow Broker's personal files as well as some compiled asari military records. A brief moment, and then...

"Masyra Rirrari," Liara confirmed and Kaidan nodded in agreement, "Stationed on Thessia during the war. Killed in action. Body recovered. Goddess, I'm so sorry Kaidan," she said sadly.

Kaidan felt a tight squeeze within his chest, it was a long shot but he had hoped that maybe his old friend had survived the war. Guess there weren't happy endings all the time.

"Yeah, me too Liara. Me too."

*

"Commander Alenko, I hope you have good news," Hackett's voice came through the QEC.

"Sir, we've completed our mission on Thessia and we're about to approach the mass relay. We'll be heading towards Omega next, sir."

"I've received your report on the Thessian incident. Cerberus and the Reaper technology, working hand in hand, this... Memory Pylon that's in Shepard's mind and the indoctrination protocol found in the Prothean beacon?" Hackett said, seemingly quoting from memory, "It sounds almost impossible to believe, Alenko. At least it's confirmation enough to know that there is still some Reaper activity going on in the galaxy, though not enough to say who's pulling the strings."

"Um, sir, honestly? I mean, we've already seen pretty much some of the craziest stuff this side of the galaxy. I'm pretty sure it'll be difficult to top that... Sir." Well, maybe he was a little defensive about his report.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not that I disbelieve your report. I was just hoping for something a little easier to stomach," Hackett replied, rubbing absently along his forehead. Kaidan wished he could do the same with the slight throb that was starting to grind its way through his head.

Kaidan waited as Hackett rubbed his chin, then stopped as he lowered his hand and looked up at Kaidan.

"So, Omega's first? Are we sure that the beacon is still there?" Hackett asked curiously.

"From what information we managed to gather, it seems that the beacon is still there. Liara's contact assured us of its presence on the station, uh, sir. It'll be the easiest to retrieve in any case," Kaidan summed up.

Hackett nodded in approval, "Alright, Alenko. You're calling the shots on this one. Let's hope you're right. How's Shepard holding up? Any incidents since you left Earth?"

"No, sir, not since we left Earth," Kaidan said truthfully.

Hackett nodded at that. "Alright, at least we've gotten some good news. It's a shame you couldn't get Dr. T'Soni to come along with you, she'd have been a great asset on the mission."

"Yes, sir," Kaidan said in agreement.

"If there's nothing else, Commander Alenko..." Hackett concluded, and Kaidan hesitated a moment before continuing.

"Uh, sir, how's everything back on Earth? Admiral Anderson, and... well, the reconstruction?" Kaidan put simply. He was hoping to dig up some good news to pass to the rest of the crew.

Hackett sighed as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "So far, everything seems to be going smoothly. Most of the major cities have been working around the clock to establish basic infrastructure and some have already begun sending aid to their outlying areas. Food and clean water aren't much of a problem for now, but eventually our supplies will be stretched pretty thin. We're hoping the Citadel reconstruction will be completed soon enough that we can begin to ask some of the asari and salarian engineers there for assistance."

"That's good news, sir," Kaidan said with relief.

"So far as we know, the big picture is getting clearer by the day. It's the little ones that are starting to become a problem. Anderson's doing well, despite everything he's been through. Not everyone is lucky enough to have multi-billion credit Cerberus tech wired into their bodies," Hackett added pointedly, "And none of us are as young as we used to be. Still, we're making progress. All of us."

"Thank you sir, um..." Kaidan replied, saluting the Admiral.

"Yes?"

"Sir, I was wondering if, maybe it would be a good idea to let Shepard know, about his... situation I mean, sir? With the limited resources that we have and-"

"I think that's out of the question for now, Commander. You saw what he was like when he tried to recall what had happened during the war. Without knowing for sure, I'd say the risk is too high to consider that an option. We don't need this situation worse than it already is, I'm sorry, Alenko, but I can't allow that. If there's nothing else?"

"Yes, sir. I understand," Kaidan said gloomily, "Nothing more sir."

"Hackett out."

The holo fizzled and winked out, giving Kaidan enough privacy that he could slump down tiredly. It wasn't really the physical exhaustion that Kaidan felt so strongly, more the mental and emotional burdens that were weighing him down. How the hell had Shepard managed to do this for as long as he did, over the course of three years?

Kaidan let his mind wander as he walked out the QEC and through the makeshift conference room that Shepard had set up during the war. So many memories, bad and good, crowded the relatively small frame of the Normandy. Making his way through to the CIC, he thought about the familiar yet unfamiliar shifts in certain areas, areas that he'd always associate with the first Normandy and with his initial time with Shepard, the friends that they'd lost. Huh, letting his mind wander like that, guess they really had become old soldiers, like he'd mentioned to Shepard.

"No new messages for you Comman-- Major Alenko," came Traynor's call as soon as he approached her.

"Thank you Traynor," Kaidan replied formally, glad to see that a few of the crew members were breaking away from the habit of calling him 'Commander'. He checked the shipboard time on his omni-tool before back tracking towards her.

"Um, Traynor... Isn't it a little, uh, late for you to be working on... Well, whatever it is you're working on?" Kaidan asked in puzzlement.

"Oh, it's, um, it's really nothing, Major Alenko," Traynor started, clearly surprised that he had come back to check up on her, "I was just going over the communication encryptions that Dr. T'Soni sent to us. It's really quite advanced, and I was wondering if it would be possible to extrapolate the-"

"Traynor," Kaidan interrupted firmly, but not unkindly, "I really don't think it'd help to have you falling asleep during our run to Omega," he smiled slightly to take the sting out of his words, "Get some rest, we'll have plenty of time to, uh, extrapolate Liara's encryption."

"Yes, right. Of course, Major," Traynor said clenching her jaw as she tried to stifle a yawn, "I'll just close this up and head on down."

Kaidan nodded as he moved back toward the elevator, watching as the doors closed shut over the quiet CIC and barely blinking lights. He hoped that he hadn't come across too authoritarian toward the brilliant comm specialist, but Shepard had been adamant during their first night together aboard the Normandy that one of the most important things a Commander had to do was to go around, speaking to the crew and making his presence known. Getting to know ship and the crew and to feel the different variances in their attitudes and performance. Kaidan understood the concept, had seen the man often enough doing it over the years, but he knew that he was a little awkward at social interactions.

Still, it had been worth a try, setting his plan into motion.

The lift stopped at the Captain's Cabin, and as he stepped out, EDI's soft voice filtered through the air.

"We are approaching the mass relay, Major Alenko. We will be beginning the transmission momentarily."

"Thank you EDI. I'll be retiring, uh, let us know when we reach Sahrabarik."

"Of course, Major," EDI replied and as Kaidan turned and stepped into the cabin. He hoped that he was ready for this.

Kaidan walked over to Shepard, who was casually lying along the couch, reading through a data-pad that was in his hand as he slouched against the comforting back rest, N7 hoodie carelessly opened, hinting at tantalizing bits of skin underneath and wearing nothing but the standard regulation-issue boxer shorts. Kaidan unconsciously licked his lips as he stared. Shepard looked up with a welcoming smile as Kaidan's footstep drew nearer.

"Hey, Kaidan," Shepard said, leaning in for a kiss.

"John," Kaidan began, trying, and failing, to keep his carefully phrased words formed in his mind, "Are you even wearing anything under your hoodie?"

"Mmm... Would you like to find out?"

Shepard carelessly tossed the data-pad away, drawing Kaidan in for a deeper kiss, practically pulling him on top of the barely dressed man under him and Kaidan could feel the heat radiating from Shepard and was surprised that the man had even bothered to wear anything with that much energy coming off of his body. Shepard began making a slow progress, nibbling his way across Kaidan mouth and jaw, up to his ear and down along his neck and Kaidan gasped as Shepard's teeth nibbled harder against the tender skin just over his pulse point.

"John," Kaidan gasped out, grinding his hips and his erection down into the man, wanting nothing more than to strip off all their clothes and just forget about everything that had happened during the last few hours. Or had it been days?

"No, Kaidan. No yet," Shepard whispered in his ear as his hands started moving across his body, achingly slow, teasing him into higher peaks of arousal as Shepard found his sweet spots and pinched and rubbed them in just the right way.

Kaidan's breath was becoming laboured now, a guttural gasp, as he felt Shepard kiss and lick his neck while rubbing he rubbed his fingers softly against Kaidan's sensitive left nipple. Breathed even harder and faster when Shepard thrust up his own thickness against Kaidan's pants and Kaidan burned for the touch of skin-on-skin, wanted nothing more than to feel that hot, hard heat pressing up against him and-

"John... Bed..." Kaidan barely managed to get out and before he knew what was happening, Shepard pulled away from him so fast that all Kaidan could do was lever himself up on his hands and blink confusedly and stupidly up at his lover who was already sitting on the edge of the bed. Kaidan was about to follow suit and, in the process tear of his uniform, when he noticed the serious cast to Shepard's face.

"Um... John, what-"

"You promised, Kaidan. I need to know what's going on with me. So, I'll make you a deal," Shepard said neutrally like they were discussing the weather instead of on the edge of making passionate love to one another.

"Ah, alright, John. What deal?" Kaidan said warily, erection still straining against his pants as he moved over to Shepard so that he could at least recapture some of the mood from before.

Shepard held up his hands and kept him at bay as he grinned a truly wicked smile. Oh that wasn't good at all.

"It's simple. You tell me what's going on and you stop trying to distract me with sex, and I'll let you have your way with me," Shepard concluded simply.

Kaidan's mind blanked at the thought. If Shepard were willing he'd... Then the rest of what he said finally processed through and Kaidan felt the hot desire burning within him fight with the cold anxiety about telling Shepard the truth and Kaidan didn't know what to do. Which he supposed was Shepard's plan all along, unhinging his balance to the point where the man would be able to easily manipulate him into a confession. Well, he decided to play the game anyway, since he'd already made up his mind to come clean with Shepard, direct orders be damned.

"Uh, I... I don't know John. It's a serious topic. I don't think we're in the right... frame-of-mind to talk about something so, um, serious. Why don't we just, you know, get this out of the way first..."

"No, Kaidan. You're not getting off that easily. I've had enough of your disingenuous ramblings. If you persist, I will have to use-"

"Wait, what? Disingenuous ramblings? What are you, twelve, John? That may work on Kahlisah-Bint-what's-her-face but we Alliance types-"

"Come on Kaidan," Shepard practically whined, changing tact so fast it made Kaidan's head spin, "I really need to know, please?" God, he looked like a puppy that had been kicked for fetching a ball back for its master. And Shepard's hands were definitely not helping the situation, moving their way across him and keeping him hard like that.

Kaidan shook his head and tried to shake off Shepard's caressing hands at the same time, though with little effect. "Sex first, John. Then we'll talk."

"Can't we talk while we're having sex, Kaidan?" Shepard asked innocently, blue eyes still as wide as they could go. Damn but he was quickly losing ground.

Suddenly, the mood tensed and shifted, all sense of humour and playfulness vanishing like a dream. Kaidan had hoped he could lose himself in just John, just spend another average night with the man he loved so much, but he guessed it was about time to get a few things off his chest, off both their chests. Though there were some things, only he should be aware of.

Shepard seemed to catch the shift in mood and his humorous expression vanished just as quickly as Kaidan's, replaced with the serious Commander-on-duty look that had awed so many across the galaxy.

"What do you want to know, John?" Kaidan whispered hoarsely, hands fiddling in his lap as he stared hard at the floor, mapping his way through the planned conversation.

Shepard moved up and sat right next to him, moving his hand into Kaidan's and stilling the nervous fidgeting.

"Everything, Kaidan."

With a heavy sigh and a resigned nod, Kaidan told Shepard what the man had wanted to know.

*

The Normandy shifted slightly as it entered the Sahrabarik System. Cortez only knew that because he was so used to the slight shifts between FTL and jumps between the mass relays and regular space. Something that had been ingrained into him after years of flight travel.

He fiddled absently with the Kodiak, making sure that the every last final setting was adjusted to his perfecting standards and prepared himself for the inevitable hubbub of the crew waking and going about with their duties, though he relished the quiet moments of waking early and having the cargo bay all to himself.

Strong, muscular arms wrapped themselves gently around his waist from behind and he felt a warm kiss press itself against the back of his neck at the same time. Well, almost all by himself, though in this case he didn't mind the company.

"Working early, Esteban?" James said playfully as he nipped along the skin on Steve's neck.

"Well, you know me, Mr. Vega. Never enough to be done on the Kodiak."

James huffed a quiet breath onto his skin in reply. "Huh. You know, I don't know if I should be jealous of a space shuttle. I don't see you waking up early to work on me..."

Steve chuckled and turned in James's arms as he looked into the younger man's eyes. "Are you complaining, Mr. Grizzly?" Steve said, adding layers of huskiness to his voice and feeling the effect it had as James pressed up against his thigh, all hard muscle and something _else_ , even harder.

"You got outta bed pretty early this morning, Esteban," James growled, "So call me curious. Besides, I was thinking maybe I've got some 'callibrations' for you to work on." James finished, pressing up against him again and Steve could feel his own ardour rising.

"If that's all you wanted, Mr. Vega, you could've asked Garrus. I hear he's the expert on that sort of thing."

James pulled Steve away from the Kodiak, off to the side, near the main cargo bay doors and behind some crates as he muttered, "Yeah, no thanks, Esteban. Not really my kinda thing, _mi amigo_. Besides, I got my own damn specialist right here."

"Well, I'm glad to see you have your priorities straight, Mr. Vega," Steve said as he leaned in for a passionate kiss, tasting the sweet softness of James's lips. It was a sensation he could happily drown in.

They spent minutes just kissing and fumbling, secreted in the quiet, private corner of the cargo bay when James broke away and distastefully eyed the Prothean beacon just a few metres away from them.

"You sure you wanna do this here, Esteban? I mean, who knows what the thing will do when we... um..." James hesitated.

Steve playfully ran his hands over the packed muscle of James's torso as he tried to undo the man's belt. "What's the matter, Mr. Grizzly? You scared of a little Prothean tech?"

James shook his head vehemently as Steve removed the belt and started work on the buttons along his waist. "Nah, Esteban, I mean, I'm cool with that but..."

"Really? A little bit of a exhibitionist are you, Mr. Grizzly."

"Argh, you really know how to get me all confused, Esteban. Dammit, that wasn't what I meant-"

"Hmm. Well, maybe this will straighten things out."

Steve was just about to pull down James's briefs to expose the huge erection throbbing at him when a _very_ familiar sound echoed through the cargo bay. What the hell...

Steve placed a finger onto James lips and tilted his head off to the side, indicating that someone else had just entered the cargo bay with them and James nodded in assent before Steve inched quietly along the crates, barely peeking his head over the side as he turned to see who had come down at this early hour.

Steve watched as Shepard stepped away from the bastion of armoury consoles and looked about before shifting towards the Kodiak, fiddling with the locking mechanism. What the hell? Things couldn't get any weirder. Steve watched with apprehension as Shepard fiddled with the system more and more, tapping along his omni-tool and doing... something. James was making questioning noises behind him and he quickly raised a hand without looking, shifting it to silence the younger man as he continued to watch.

Suddenly Shepard glanced up as the elevator doors shifted open again, and Steve watched with shock as EDI's mobile platform approached the man. Waited as they had a discussion of some sort that he couldn't hear. EDI seemed to turn her head in their direction and Steve ducked back into cover, heart thudding in his chest at the idea of being caught. It took a few moments more before he had the courage to look over the boxes again and when he did, Shepard and EDI were no longer in sight. Okay, now he was officially getting creeped out.

"Lieutenant Cortez," came EDI's soft voice in his earpiece and Steve almost jumped out of his skin at its sudden appearance.

"I... uh, EDI? What-"

"It would be recommended that you and Lieutenant Vega should strap yourselves into the safety harnesses along the sides of the cargo bay. Despite the blue-shift shielding that will maintain appropriate levels of atmospheric pressure and breathable air, it would lower the risk considerably of either of you falling out the cargo bay doors while it remains open."

If EDI had told him to slap on a bright, pink asari gown, he wouldn't have been more surprised. He snapped back and pulled James to the wall, ignorning the questions that were pouring out from the marine's mouth.

"Strap yourself in," Steve said urgently as he pulled on the safety harnesses, watching to make sure that James was doing the same, all the while muttering Spanish curses.

He touched the earpiece again and comm-ed EDI. "EDI? What the hell is going on? What are you doing-"

"Do not worry, Lieutenant Cortez. I have everything under control. The Kodiak will be returned in its exact condition."

"Wait, but what is-" His question barely made it through as he heard the last click of the safety harness being locked in and watched in horror as the huge doors just next to them begin to lower itself down. Watched as the Kodiak shifted along it's moorings and slid silently out into the darkness of twinkling lights. Some part of his was terrified at the thought of falling out into the empty void, another part elated at being so close to the vast, quiet emptiness of space. It was beautiful, calming and exciting all at the same time.

The magnificent view winked out as the door slid shut and everything returned to normalcy, well as much as it could with the big empty space staring at him where his pride and joy used to sit.

Steve slowly unbuckled himself and stared with a wordless and stunned expression on his face and wondered if he looked as confused as James did.

"Shepard and I," EDI began again in his earpiece, almost causing him to stumble into the cargo boxes, "Would be most grateful, Lieutenant Cortez, if this... occurrence would be kept between ourselves. There will be no reason for undue physical and mental stress and rest assured, we are still within Alliance flight regulation parameters. I apologize for the suddenness of my request."

"It... It's alright EDI," Steve said faintly as he rubbed a soothing hand against his chest.

He turned to look at James as he said, "Esteban. Can you explain to me, what the fuck just happened here?"

Steve was wondering if he could have asked someone else the same thing and he hoped EDI and Shepard would have a pretty good explanation for all this when they came back.


	12. Omega

"We welcome you to Omega. Where all your deepest, darkest fantasies will be..."

"I always found that a little creepy, no?" James groused to himself as Shepard stared blandly around at the dingy, tarnished walls that led from the docking tube and into Omega proper.

Kaidan cast another quick glance at his lover before focusing on the entrance into the seedy underbelly of the galaxy. It had been unnerving to see Shepard react so... passively to the news about his mental state, and aside from the fleeting almost-breakdown that he'd had to defend against in the Captain's Cabin during the tentative dialogue, Shepard had rallied quickly and was once more a paragon of calmness and determination. Oh, there'd been a few teary moments, worries about their future and explorations on confirming Shepard's unique... mental state and the possibility of a cure, but now it seemed like that man didn't even register anything of what had happened. While it had almost unhinged Kaidan with relief, there was an annoying echo of suspicion that remained within him and, not for the first time, he wondered if Shepard's calm acceptance was a sign of benign or ominous portent.

"Oh, Jimmy," Garrus quipped up from behind the large marine, "I'd've thought you'd be used it by now. I mean, I'm sure you've heard worse right?"

"Hell, no Scars! What the hell are you trying to..." James shot back good-naturedly.

Shepard had been unusually sedate during the docking shift as well, barely speaking a single sentence as Kaidan had tried to debrief them about their mission here. A quick snatch-and-grab, hopefully no fire fights and no altercations with the criminal queen of Omega if they could help it. He'd disseminated the data that Liara had provided to each of them and had reluctantly, _very_ reluctantly, included James and Garrus on Shepard's presence in the ground team. James had been uncharacteristically silent about the whole affair, and Garrus in typical turian form, brought Shepard aside and presented him with a battered rifle case.

Kaidan could still remember the absolute look of tenderness and _lust_ in the other man's eyes when he had opened it and revealed a reformed and newly-modded Black Widow, probably the original model that Shepard had used during his time in the war, and Kaidan had to shift uncomfortably at the way the look on Shepard's face made blood rush to certain, unnecessary parts of himself. He was at least glad that some things were always going to be a constant with the man he loved, one of them being Shepard's unnatural love for firearms that always made Kaidan wonder if Shepard was half turian. He turned to look at Shepard again and caught himself blushing as he met his lover's eyes, the man's mouth canted in that characteristic smile that always made Kaidan feel ridiculously overwhelmed with emotions. Shepard nodded to him comfortingly and turned away to stare at the entrance portal, mind obviously elsewhere.

"... and then, it hit her square in the face. It was amazing," Garrus concluded.

"Yeah, those banshees are a real pain in the _culo_ to get rid of and-"

"Wait," Kaidan interrupted loudly, 'Did you guys here that?"

Shepard immediately perked up, battle trained instincts coming to the fore as Garrus and James unlimbered their weapons, James hefting his Claymore comfortably and Garrus almost lovingly calibrating his heavily modded Mantis to its armour-piercing round capacity.

"You see, Jimmy?" Garrus whispered, "I told you not to try to sound like one and now, Kaidan's probably all-"

"Just... uh, no talking," Kaidan said urgently as his ears strained to pick up what had sounded so off about Omega. He'd been here a couple of times, during his darker days when the regulations and tight order of the galaxy were starting to wear against him, and though it wasn't high on his list of most-loved spots in the galaxy, it had been refreshing to cut loose and look out just for himself, though it had worn thin quickly. The only problem he had with the whole station was the deep, heavy throbbing that seemed to emanate from Aria's 'palace' at the centre, and it had taken a lot of effort to avoid the vibrating hum from-

That was it. The music, Aria's omni-directional, head-banging and constant thrum, was conspicuously absent. He'd never thought it possible, but he doubted that even when Aria retired from public view, the music and dark life blasting out of the clubs and slums would retire with her.

Kaidan shifted his reliable, modded M-15x Vindicator Assault Rifle as he glanced at Shepard and gave him a wordless nod toward the exit, shifting his fingers as he tapped the side of his ear and canted his head up in the general direction of Afterlife.

"John. The music, do you think Aria..." Kaidan began, unsure how to voice his concern.

Shepard nodded grimly as he pulled up his Black Widow, the device unfolding with subtle grace, the deadly and almost-overwhelming number of modifications done to it practically doubling its damage, accuracy and efficiency. Even Garrus hadn't been entirely sure what Shepard had done to the ex-standard issue SPECTRE armament but Kaidan swore that it was the only thing that Shepard carried personally after missions, to the cabin, for personal adjustments and inspections. If Kaidan hadn't been keeping a close eye on where it was in their cabin, he would have sworn that Shepard would have tried to sneak the damn thing into bed with them.

"The Afterlife doesn't end, Kaidan," Shepard said casually as he pulled the Black Widow close to himself, bracing it against his shoulder, "It's practically an extension of Aria. As long as she's on Omega, it doesn't stop letting people know it's open and around."

Kaidan nodded at that, glad that his suspicions weren't unfounded.

"Alright. Our priority is the Prothean Beacon. EDI, I'll, uh, we'll need your help on this one. Activate group broadcast, sync to our devices," Kaidan said, activating the comm-implant in his ear and watching as the rest mimicked his movements. He was keeping an especially close eye on Shepard, didn't want _anything_ at all to go wrong with the mission or the man, but Shepard seemed to be slipping into a second skin, smoothly running the synchronization protocols.

"Understood, Major Alenko," EDI purred in all their ears, and they each silently nodded as they confirmed the frequency fixing. Garrus was already stationed at the edge of the exit portal, casually letting his Mantis poke ahead of him like an invasive eye, and was already scanning what areas he could see.

"Now, what's the fastest way to that damn beacon EDI?" Kaidan prompted, calling up his omni-tool and letting the shifting interface play across as EDI uploaded a map of Omega.

"The initial plan consisted of the four of you meeting with Liara's agent here," EDI replied as the map of Omega zoomed in onto an area made up almost entirely of boxy, monotonous, rectangles. A warehouse district of some kind, Kaidan thought. A red blip pinged one of the boxes.

"From the information that I have managed to extract concerning Omega's layout and structure, I would hazard that the beacon is housed in the warehouse, in this district. It would have been a simple matter to extract the object undiscovered and return to the Normandy," EDI said. Kaidan nodded as he rotated the map, zooming in and out as he considered what options he was aware of.

"If, uh, if we could maybe cut through this area, maybe..." Kaidan began but Shepard and EDI both spoke up at the same time.

"Actually Kaidan, that wouldn't really be a good-"

"My data suggests that your particular choice in direction would result in-"

Okay, okay, Kaidan thought to himself as he shut up. Guess that was probably the most obvious way of telling him that his idea would probably end up with them getting lost or killed.

"If your goal is to decrease your chances of being noticed while increasing the speed of the beacon's acquisition, I may have an alternative, Major Alenko," EDI brought up politely.

"Um, alright EDI. Shoot".

"That would not be recommended, Major. The various upgrades to the Normandy's Thanix Cannons may cause an explosion that may-" EDI began hesitantly.

"Dammit EDI, you know what I mean. Just tell me already!" Kaidan itched to tightbeam the conversation between himself and the inappropriate AI, but the damage was done as James cracked a smile as he continued to eye the darkest corners of the hallway and Shepard coughed to cover up a laugh. Kaidan swore that Garrus was preening himself proudly at the information.

"Ah, I see. In that case, Major Alenko, my calculations indicate that this direction adheres to your stated requirements most efficiently," EDI replied, an almost smug tone in her voice. Kaidan watched as the map shifted to their location and the orange-yellow faded to a softer colour as a red line tracked its way through imaginary hallways, rooms and doors, eventually connecting them to their goal.

"Anything Garrus?" Kaidan asked as he partially memorized the route, making sure to be aware of at least the general direction and pathway.

"Nothing," came the reply from the turian, "Not a damned soul. I seem to recall long, frustrating queues outside of Afterlife. I'm guessing everyone got sick of waiting or... something probably happened to them. Probably the second one."

Kaidan accepted the information as he turned to Shepard, calmly trying to asses his lover's state of mind, while trying to seem so obvious about it.

"John, look maybe you should, I mean, look. The Normandy is right there and-" Kaidan started haltingly, not wanting to blurt out the obvious.

Shepard shook his head stubbornly as he turned slightly pleading eyes up at him. "Kaidan. I'm... I can do this. I need to do this. I promise, I won't get lost... in my head," Shepard whispered, glancing back to make sure the others didn't overhear them. He turned back to Kaidan, an almost desperate look on his face. "Kaidan, you have to trust me to do this. I need you to trust me."

Kaidan swallowed convulsively as old memories tried to rise up in him. Horizon. Earth. London. Trust.

"I... Yes, I trust you John. Together, or not at all." Damn but he wanted to pray that everything wouldn't go tits-up.

"Thank you, Kaidan."

Kaidan nodded, priming up his shields and barriers, watching as the scintillating blue shifted over Shepard as well. He'd promised himself then, he'd never doubt Shepard again. Even when the whole galaxy had written him off, had called him butcher and monster, with equal parts saviour and hero, Kaidan had learned through pain and desperate longing, that the man he'd come to love so deeply had a plan and that he needed the trust of those close crew members that had to work with him. Yes, he'd learned his lessons, harsh as they were, and he was nothing if not thorough in making sure to never repeat a mistake twice, let alone three times or more. Shepard needed him, a Sentinel anchoring the man through the storms within and without and Kaidan wouldn't let the man down again.

"Let's go. Keep your line-of-sight cleared. We'll be moving through the Omega Transit System and make our way to the warehouses," Kaidan concluded succinctly and watched, gratified, as they each nodded at the order. A bond, made stronger through fire, that couldn't have been formed any other way. He closed up the formation and together, the four of them stepped into Omega proper.

*

That was the problem with plans, Kaidan harped to himself; it took an agonizing amount of time to formulate one, plan for contingencies and back-ups, but only a second for it to go all to hell and have it get tossed out like garbage.

They'd just made it to the transit system, one that Garrus and Shepard had looked at fondly, and Kaidan was attempting to bypass the locking systems as the rest kept watch at his back. It was unnerving, watching the still, silent air of Omega barely shift as harsh neon lights glared at them. No matter what time, what day or night cycle, when you came to Omega, there was always someone around, either walking drunkenly to the living complexes, soberly toward the entertainment venues, predators, prey and all manner of in-betweens. Kaidan would have been relieved if someone would just come up and threatened him, just to let him know that there were other living beings around other than the four of them.

"Movement," James had noted and Kaidan had barely had enough time to turn his peripheral vision behind him when a ringing shot sounded from Shepard, followed by a sickening splat.

"Dammit, Loco, why the hell did you-"

"Cerberus... well, Reaper things wearing Cerberus armour," Garrus said matter-of-factly, peering through the Mantis's scope, looking slightly put off and not getting the first kill. Which didn't really matter as Kaidan heard a god-awful groaning and eerie moaning tear its way through the empty area. Watched as the doors to the lower levels peeled open and disgorged a wave of Cerberus armour-clad Husks.

"God dammit," Kaidan yelled in frustration as they dove and rolled into cover, singeing rounds already filling the spaces that they had vacated and echoing, ricocheting through the air. Guess that explained what had happened to Omega.

Shepard was already latching on another thermal clip as he calmly sent a round through _two_ Husk heads, the cheap and weak Cerberus armour doing nothing to stop the strength of the bullet. Garrus snorted appreciatively as he turned his rifle on another wave of monsters, Marauders making their way slowly forward, behind a meat-wall of useless Husks, and casually removed one's head from its mutated torso. Kaidan had thrown an area-effect Reave, watching as it incapacitated the front ranks of remaining Husks and the surge of energy that transferred its way into him, enervating him.

James had holstered his shotgun and had brought out his M99-Saber, the huge rifle looking at home in James's oversized grip, and was taking accurate pot-shots at any creature stupid enough to think that two snipers of Garrus's and Shepard's calibre needed aiming downtime as they lined up shot after shot. Kaidan left them to it, itching to unleash devastating waves of biotics, but knowing that they had to get out of the area soon, or else be overwhelmed by a veritable sea of bio-mechanical nightmares.

He couldn't hack the transit's systems from where he was taking cover, and to step out in any direction would guarantee he'd be an easy target, despite all the covering fire being exchanged. For all the numbers that they had downed, the creatures seemed limitless as the gaping doors vomited out more and more.

"EDI," he practically yelled out as he Warped a Marauder that had taken cover, the curving bolt arching beautifully over the obstacle to smash the creature's shield into nothing, staggering it out of position.

"Yes, Major Alenko?" EDI returned calmly.

"We need an alternate route, the transit is a no-go," Kaidan said.

"The second most efficient route would be directly opposite you, through Omega's lower reaches. If you can find and access the-"

"Yeah, um, we're kinda... There are husks. And marauders, in the way. Next option."

"Ah, I see. If your purpose is to access the warehouse district, it would be highly recommended if you take the transit sub-level and attempt to-"

"Dammit EDI, the transit is a _no-go_. We can't take it. It's on lock-down and I'm not in a position to hack the system from where I'm-"

"Actually, Major Alenko," EDI reiterated, like he was some idiot child, "I was referring to the maintenance access tunnels that run parallel to the transit system. It would be considerably slower than taking a transport vehicle, but it would allow you to navigate through the lower levels while circumventing the bulk of hostile forces." Well, that would teach him to mouth off too soon.

"I, uh, thanks. EDI. Um, place the Normandy on alert and seal the bridge doors," Kaidan glanced around the corner and ducked back as a stray round nearly embedded itself into his barrier. The Marauders and Husks seemed intent on them, and were actively ignoring the docking tube entrance. Still...

"If you can, access Omega's docking systems and close off the area leading to the Normandy. We'll, um, we'll get the damn beacon and make our way back. If they breach the tube, I need you to disengage and pull away from Omega," Kaidan finished in a rush as he threw another Reave, this time at a group of Cannibals that were attempting to flank them, feeling his eyes and teeth spark as energy coursed from them and into his system.

"Of course, Major Alenko. I will notify you should we resort to that manoeuvre."

"Yeah, that'd-- that'd be a good idea, EDI."

"The tunnel access will be directly opposite from your position, Major Alenko, approximately fifteen metres north-west, against the wall opposite the entrance."

Kaidan called up his omni-tool, ignoring for now the synchronized armour life-support systems that was displayed at the side, and called up a more detailed map, immediately pinpointing the tight, square entrance.

"James," Kaidan brought up, turning to the large marine, "Wide-range Carnage round. Right in the middle, we need to clear some air. Garrus? Throw an Overload at any stragglers on the left. I'll take the right. On my mark."

James grinned gleefully as he unpacked his shotgun and loaded in the oversized round.

"Dammit, Major. I thought you'd never ask. Who'd've thought, you sound good bossing us around like that, I mean, Loco, he used to-"

"James," Shepard said smoothly, shifting his stance as his armoured foot pushed away the spent thermal clips, "Are you hitting on _my_ Kaidan?"

"Damn, Jimmy," Garrus quipped from behind Shepard, his added height granting him a clear line of sight as his omni-tool began to whine with a building Overload, "You're in trouble now. I wanna watch."

"Ah, no Loco. He's all yours," James said, not at all bashfully despite Kaidan feeling a flush from Shepard's words. My Kaidan he'd said, and damn if that didn't sound like the best thing in the entire galaxy, "I mean, I got me a pretty sweet pilot, waiting for me to come back and-"

"Mark," Kaidan barked out as the last few shots from the group bunched up the rest of the creatures.

Kaidan watched as James's modified Carnage round flew through the air, arrow straight, and exploded soundlessly, multiple bursts rocketing outward and shoving the rest of the Reaper creations against the sides of Omega's walls. Kaidan twisted his arm out, omni-tool flaring as a huge burst of electricity discharged from it, and watched as it mirrored another arcing flare from Garrus, jumping through the remaining hostiles as the combined Overloads shut down synaptic responses and mechanical systems alike.

Shepard immediately broke cover, rolling smoothly, Black Widow still trained forward, as he landed gracefully up against Kaidan, who was already making a bee-line straight toward the hatch, hacking protocols whipped out and running through the diagnostics. The seal popped open as Garrus landed with a loud _thunk_ nearby and Kaidan cast a quick glance back as James shifted, heading down the tunnel entrance first.

"It's a good thing Tali isn't here," Garrus muttered as he stepped into the tight space, "She'd never let us hear the end of it."

*

"Hey, Major. How much further we gotta do this?" James called from up ahead, the enclosed metal sending his voice reverberating through the system as they crawled through.

Kaidan paused to swipe a stray lock of hair away from his forehead, at the rear of the four-man caterpillar. Perhaps this wasn't one of their best ideas to date.

Kaidan paused, letting his arm and legs take the weight as he brought up his omni-tool. He'd learned the error of his ways about hazarding a guess when the directions he gave turned them into a steep drop that had almost resulted in James falling face first into the Omega Eezo mines, probably a furnace with the way their luck was holding. Kaidan watched as the map shot up, pinging their location on the map and tracing the red line with his eyes.

"Empty room, three hundred meters ahead," Kaidan gasped hoarsely, sweat sticking to his skin as the heat built up in the stale air.

His stomach grumbled in protest but he kept his barrier reinforced, another harsh lesson they had learned when an enterprising Marauder had heard them mucking around one of the metal openings and had decided to investigate with a few rounds. Thankfully, just the bend of the tunnel had been exposed and Kaidan had taken two rounds onto his barrier before he upped the energy, crawling as fast as he could away from the shooter and thankfully hopeful that Reapers hadn't had time to install creativity into their minions.

It had started well enough, entering the maintenance tunnels and making their way on foot, until they reached the first intersection and was met by an equally startled force of Cannibals. They had made short work of the group, only to encounter a group of unarmoured Husks milling about the area. Followed by even more Cannibals and a large pack of Marauders. They'd replenished what clips they could from the corpses, but their energy was flagging and Kaidan was starting to worry about the Normandy. Surely they'd never just let the thing sit there, though EDI had reassured him continually that nothing remotely resembling motion could be detected outside the dock tube.

When the first Banshee had sounded off, floating into view with dead, black eyes watching them hungrily, Kaidan had panicked slightly, he hated the damn things, and had sent them tumbling into a side duct, probably used for air dispersal and filtration and not much else, as a Warp burst against the rim of the duct. His barrier had caught a bit of backlash from that and he crawled as fast as he could forward as desiccated, grey feet floated into view behind him, the Banshee's unadulterated fury souring the air as it echoed through the metal, making his teeth grind against one another.

Sudden, soft light bloomed against the obstacle that was Shepard's beautiful ass, armoured contours swaying provocatively in time with the man's movements, and though Kaidan had admired the view greatly, he was tired, thirsty and hungry. He desperately wanted to get out of the claustrophobic setting and at least have some room to stretch and rest and besides, he knew for a fact that Shepard's ass was best admired in bright light, without muscle cramps ruining the view.

A squeal sounded as Kaidan collided with the armoured bottom in front of him, face almost running right into the cleft in the armour that allowed for greater physical movement and had the thinnest material present, making Kaidan think of all the times he'd gone down on Shepard, hearing those deep, unsolicited moans of pleasure roar through him as Kaidan had applied his tongue with expert precision. Oh god, Kaidan thought, he was fantasizing about Shepard on a mission while they trapped in a tight space, his face pressed against Shepard's round, armoured ass as sweat streamed down his face. No shame in that, he supposed, owing to the fact that he was in love with the man and thirst and hunger had probably been tugging him along the edge toward delirium.

"Uh, what's- what's up, John?" Kaidan whispered.

"Grate," Shepard choked back hoarsely, "No hostiles. Garrus is going through now." There was something else in Shepard's voice however...

"John... Are you, uh, are you..."

"Kaidan, your face is on my ass. Suit's haptic sensors? I can remember how many times that's happened in the last few weeks."

"John, I mean, we are _not_ going to have sex in the air vents."

"But Kaidan, my armour. The internal pressure is reaching levels 'dangerous for user'. It wouldn't be-"

"No, John. Mission first. Sex after mission. Now, move."

"Alright, Kaidan. Hmm. Wouldn't that have been a great incentive for new recruits when they-"

"John. Move."

"Alright, alright. Spoil sport."

Kaidan watched as Shepard shifted forward, only to disappear a few meters ahead, letting in a small gust of warm but fresh air into the vent and more light than he'd seen in the last hour. God how he loved artificial lighting. Kaidan crawled forward toward the blessed exit, pulling himself half out and swinging himself to the side to land clumsily on his feet, Shepard already supporting some of his weight and helping him stand up fully. Kaidan stretched awkwardly as he tried to will circulation back into his extremities and felt his armour scour away the sweat while it minutely ran massage rolls over his skin.

"I told you," Garrus said adamantly, "Turians don't duck. And they don't crawl. And trapped in _there_ with three, sweating hormonally active humans? I shudder to think about how I could have been taken advantaged of."

"Yeah, right Scars. Admit it," James called as he worked his arms back into full motion, "You liked the view. Best view on Omega, in my opinion."

"Well, that's your opinion. Personally, I'm just glad your suit is a sealed environment. I've done my research on those... things you people eat..." Garrus teased none too gently, causing James to blush crimson.

"You know, _pendejo_ , next time, I'll head in after you. Just ask that nice banshee to hang on, 'cause my turian friend here is scared of a little muscle," James shot back, "Besides, I'm sure Loco here knows how to appreciate dedication and hard work when he sees it."

Shepard raised his hands in mock helplessness as Kaidan scanned the small room that they were in, bringing up his omni-tool to relocate their position and objective.

"Don't look at me, James. Frankly, if I'd had a choice, I'd have gone in last," Shepard said with a suggestive wink cast in Kaidan's direction, which he tried to ignore.

"Yo, Major. Next time, we get Esteban in on the ground team, whaddaya say? He's a really good shot with-"

"James," Garrus said chidingly, "shooting with _that_ 'gun' doesn't really count now, does it?"

"EDI? How's the Normandy holding up?" Kaidan said, loud enough that he could drown out everyone else's joking and muttering. James had devolved into cursing in Spanish.

"Status remains acceptable, Major Alenko, similar to when you checked fifteen minutes ago," EDI said simply and Kaidan had a feeling he was finally starting to get under that bi-metallic polymer weave that EDI was using as skin. Finally.

Kaidan looked at the map. They had covered quite a bit of distance in the last hour or so, moving off from Omega's main area toward the side warehouses and bypassing some of the commercial and residential designations. In fact, they had just reached the cargo docking port that serviced this section of Omega, meant more for transporting cargo easily to and from the ships and holding areas. Since some of the items were either dubious, unstable or both, it made sense that Aria wouldn't want anything obviously threatening to be docking at her doorstep, in full view and access to her precious Afterlife. The map showed a short red line, pointing them just a few hundred meters toward the entrance to the vaults that contained a portion of Omega's lifeblood, black market goods and everything else meant to turn a profit or illicit carnal responses in its populace.

"Administrative offices, next to this room," Kaidan said, catching everyone's attention, "Leads out to the cargo docking area. Warehouses are just beyond that. We can comm the Normandy once we, uh, secure the cargo and get them to dock here for pickup."

"Well," Garrus quipped up, unlimbering his Mantis once more, "that's convenient. I thought we'd have to go through that... torture all over again, with an ancient Prothean relic being dragged along the way."

"If we did," Shepard snuck in, "Kaidan goes in after me this time."

Kaidan turned a smouldering look at the man, whose face had turned innocent all of sudden, and he tried to convey into that look what he'd do to Shepard once they finally reached the comfort of the cabin. Shepard just grinned widely at that and mouthed 'best ass in the galaxy' to him as Garrus and James shared a laugh.

"Let's go," Kaidan said gruffly, shifting his Vindicator into fire-mode and the soldier masks snapped on all of them in a heart beat, heads once more focused on their tasks.

Kaidan reached the door of the maintenance room, pulling it open to reveal a very startled pair of Cannibals shifting against the exterior walls and, without much thought, he pulled up his omni-blade and thrust it into the creature closest to him, tightening his armour-enhanced muscles as he tried to shred as many vital organs as possible as the first Cannibal collapsed in a heap. The other creature had recovered quickly from its initial shock, jumping back to put distance between itself and Kaidan while warbling in its guttural throat, but before it could pull out its strange weapon, a wave of biotic energy crested over Kaidan and tingled across his barrier. Shepard hopped forward, seeming to appear out of thin air as his Biotic Charge slammed into the horror, tracing a bluish-purple nimbus of energy around the man as he stepped onto the mostly unrecognizable pile of meat, face determined and fierce in his joy of battle.

Kaidan blinked back the after-image as he registered the biotic trail from Shepard's assault, could only marvel at the sight of _his_ lover and friend, standing strong over the fallen foe as he stood awash with power and strength. Not only that, but more, so much more, like a deep well of energy that continually pulled him to drink from its stormy depths and Kaidan could almost taste the way Shepard's biotics flared against his barrier, like a key slipping into a lock perfectly. Useless? The man would never, ever, know the meaning of the word and Kaidan would never, ever, get tired of seeing Shepard so alive and unrestrained. Despite everything, it always came back to the both of them, Kaidan realized, and a warm coil settled in his gut as he realized how much his life was entwined with his lover's. It was just so right.

"Kaidan, you're staring again," Shepard said sheepishly as the corona of energy winked out from around Shepard's armour.

"I, uh, well, John. It was a good view in the vents. It's really a much better view now," Kaidan blurted out without thinking, caught up in the moment as the last traces of reckless energy dissipated into the air.

"Mission first," Shepard chided, moving his Black Widow up to point, "Sex after mission."

Kaidan chuckled at having his line used against him, felt the tingle in his groin from just thinking about the fact. It really was good incentive, he thought wonderingly.

Garrus stepped out of the doorway and away from the pair of corpses, almost sniffing disdainfully at how two more kills had somehow managed to elude him, and they quickly skirted around the edges of the miniature administrative building-cubicles that were just opposite from where they had emerged, making their way toward the edge of the last cover between the empty space of the loading areas, between offices and the warehouse. They passed by badly stacked crates that leaned precariously along the wall of the last building and Garrus leaned casually out into the open and snapped back into cover immediately.

"If you boys are done playing, there are a couple more friends out there who look lonely," Garrus brought up.

"Not gonna have any fun. Damn snipers always get the kills before I can," James groused from the rear as they formed up, Kaidan almost wedged in between Shepard and Garrus.

Kaidan skirted around the turian pressed against the wall and hazarded a quick glance at the playing field. Groups of Husks, armoured and not, Cannibals and Marauders. No heavy hitters that he could see and a cleared path straight toward the entrance of the warehouse district, roughly five hundred meters or so. Perfect for Shepard and Garrus, if he could get another piece of cover up. Kaidan turned and indicated that the rest of them should move out of the way but remain in cover, feeling his biotics flare around him as he was enveloped in a bright blue sheath of swirling power, the thrum of his amp letting him access stores of energy that always left him feeling tingly and invigorated. He watched as Shepard stared at him with an enraptured, gleeful look on his face, and wondered idly if he always looked like that when Shepard used his biotics. The thought was swept away as Kaidan Pulled down the topmost crates, letting them fall haphazardly, and noisily, as he rolled away.

Perfect, he thought, despite the loud sounds, as the heavy metal boxes tumbled over and out of the cover from the wall, landing in rough bunches away from them, like a series of vertical stepping stones for Garrus and Shepard to take cover from behind. Kaidan weaved back to push himself up against the wall and James as the two snipers moved forward, childish glee lighting up their faces.

"Shepard," Garrus said as he shifted around the makeshift cover, raising his Mantis up, "have I ever mentioned that I love your boyfriend?"

Shepard was already lurking behind a far-reaching crate, Black Widow firing out a round, when he replied, "Just as long as you don't love him the way I do Garrus, then we're good."

Garrus fired a quick pulse, not bothering to watch the round as it drilled a hole right through the head of a Husk. "Ah, Shepard. I believe humans have a saying about sharing good things with close friends."

Shepard punctured the comment by spearing a Marauder right through the eyes. "Well, then. Kaidan's the _best_ thing in my life right now, not a good thing. So, no. No sharing."

Garrus snorted as he automatically replaced his spent thermal clip. "Oh, that's sweet. Sickeningly so. And I'm hurt, Shepard. I thought I was the best thing in your life."

Kaidan watched as Shepard lined up another shot, masterfully timing a round to pass through a Cannibal and a Marauder simultaneously, neatly ending the lives of both. "Two for one again, Garrus. And, well, maybe you could be, if you ever learned to shoot straight."

"Well, mine's got a longer reach," Garrus shot back.

"My rounds are bigger," Shepard retorted.

"Are the both of you done?" Kaidan butted in, thoroughly tired of the constant back and forth between the two old friends. James was behind him, muttering constantly about there 'not being any fun, no fun at all', and the streaming litany was starting to wear at him just a little.

Shepard tossed a cheeky grin his way, clearly intent on turning him into a mood-killer when a dull, metallic thump sounded in the ground and the air around them.

"Atlas," Shepard said in reply to the sound as he took cover, and Kaidan heard the string of words coming from behind him stop.

"Damn. Finally," James said, pleasure evident in his voice.

"Is that... I think that's a marauder in that Atlas," Garrus said disbelievingly. God, how much more mixed up could things get, Kaidan couldn't help but think.

"Garrus, we'll need to Overload those shields," Kaidan said to the turian, who was still taking pot-shots at stranglers around the Atlas.

"Oh Kaidan," Garrus shot back, "I bet you say that to Shepard all the time."

"Hey, that's not true. What the hell-"

"John," Kaidan interrupted, "Not now. Garrus, I need an Overload."

The fully charged current of energy streaked across the empty air and crashed into the Atlas, both his and Garrus's Overloads combined, jumping between circuitry and the pilot housed within, sending shields flickering in the dim light of the cargo bay and Kaidan watched as the Marauder sat stunned as the last of the shields dissipated.

"James, Carnage Round, right in the face shield. John, Garrus, you know what to do after that."

"Oh yeah," James practically yelled. His shotgun was already loaded with the deadly missile and the heavy-set marine rolled lightly through the cover, misleading the stream of fire coming from the twitching Atlas. Garrus and Shepard were trying to lead it away from the moving target by bunching up toward the corner nearest to the wall, and when the Atlas finally turned its full attention onto them, James moved. He rolled forward, armour taking the brunt of the impact and raised his shotgun up, aiming the Carnage round at the thick, supposedly bulletproof, clear shield that covered the Atlas's cockpit.

With a whoop, James pulled the trigger and almost immediately after, an explosion seemed to blossom on the thick material, the outward propelled force driving harsh shards of explosive shrapnel into the glass and surrounding metal. The Marauder was beginning to panic and stray bullets were flying across the area, seemingly at random, and James was trying to move back toward the minimal cover provided by the heavy crates. The stutter in the Atlas's steps seemed to cue both Shepard and Garrus who rose up simultaneously and let fly, a yellow-streaked Armour-Piercing round side-by-side with a red-tinted Incendiary Round and the combination was impressive. Kaidan watched from cover as the Armour-Piercer shattered the remains of the already heavily damaged pilot bulb, James's Carnage Round not penetrating it but weakening it enough for Garrus's shot to go through, and Shepard's Incendiary Round hit the Marauder right in the face plates, immediately combusting and starting a miniature inferno inside the cockpit.

Garrus sighed happily as he watched the machine burn and even Shepard was nodding appreciatively, James grinning his usual grin as he leaned against the crates and kept one eye on the shattered Atlas and another for any remaining stragglers. It was always a little tricky, taking out the bigger mechs and heavy hitters, but they'd done this surprisingly well, quick and efficient. Kaidan scoped out the rest of the area and formed them up, ready to head for the warehouse gates.

With rifles out, Kaidan led the way through the blasted killing field, bodies and coagulated blood randomly printed across the metallic canvas of the cargo bay and they skirted past the Atlas, hardly deigning to pillage the device and Cerberus's faulty, mass-produced liabilities. Their small group continued forward, ever mindful of an attack coming from any angle and constantly keeping vision in a three-sixty circumference around them. Thankfully, no other incident occurred during the quick crossing and Kaidan pulled them up short at the entrances to the first warehouse, pulling up his omni-tool in the process.

"Um, alright. We're here," Kaidan said as he double-checked their position on the map. It indicated Warehouse 001, Liara's agent having the foresight to consider a quick meet-up and exit, and Kaidan ached to be done with the mission so that they could head on off to their second destination. Kaidan went over to the lock and let the bypass encryption take effect on the general lock as he spoke to the rest of his team mates.

"So, um, once we get the beacon, we'll see if EDI can pick us up from the cargo port. Might be easier that way," he spoke up, looking particularly at Garrus, "Anyway, I mean, hopefully once the beacon is in place, we can inform Liara and transfer what information we find. Maybe make our way to-"

The door lock blinked green and Kaidan stepped forward as the doors pulled open, only to find himself walking into the barrel opening of two pistols, one pointing directly over his heart and another aimed straight for his temple.

_Shit._

"What the fuck, Shepard," came a distressingly familiar voice on Kaidan's right, "Y'know, you gotta weird habit, always fucking showing up where anyone damn hell least expects it."

Shepard, who had collapsed his Black Widow and mag-locked it onto his back, stepped up and grinned as the light shining in from the open door partially illuminated a riot of tattoos on the figure's body.

"Jack, it's good to see you too. Again," Shepard said with a friendly tone.

"Bite me, asshole," Jack shot back, reaching up with a cocked fist, but Shepard seemed to be prepared for it, easily stepping back and away from the punch aimed at his face. Kaidan was just glad that the pistol being pointed at him was lowered in the process.

"What the hell are you people doing here," said a very miffed Aria, pistol still hovering over Kaidan's chest and he wondered if it would be rude, not to mention suicidal, to push the gun away and hope that he could bring up his barrier in time.

"I, uh, we're here to, um..." Kaidan stuttered, clearly at a lost for words from the double surprise.

"It's alright, Kaidan. Aria," Shepard broke in stepping up toward the asari, making Kaidan sigh with relief, "We're just here to collect something of ours. We take it, and we go."

James and Garrus had moved up into the group discussion, Garrus curiously trying to avoid Aria while James looked on with mild interest. Shepard suddenly turned to Kaidan's left and peeked over his shoulder and just past James.

"Hey, there," Shepard said quietly to nothing.

"Hey, Shep. Damn, you were always good at that," came a female voice with a mixed accent, the rest obscured by James's high pitched shriek and jump and Garrus's choked off sputtering whine and nervous shift. Kaidan watched as another familiar face materialized out of the air, dark black and soft gray hood partially obscuring her features and he was glad he heard Shepard speak before the woman appeared, fearing that he'd have done something even more embarrassing than what Garrus and James had done.

Aria T'Loak, crime boss and self-proclaimed queen of Omega, and by extension the majority of the Terminus Systems, took a step back, just slightly lowering the pistol away from Kaidan as she spoke.

"No Shepard, you can't do that."

Shepard's eyes narrowed slightly at the challenge. "I'm sorry Aria, but what we've come for, you have absolutely no use for. We're taking it and leaving, and I'm sorry to say, you won't be able to stop us."

"I won't," Aria agreed, face bland, "But the hundered or so defence cannons installed over Omega will be more than enough to blast your little toy ship before it can cover a single mile."

Shepard took a threatening step towards Aria and Kaidan was surprised to see that she had casually folded her arms over her breasts, a mocking grin playing slightly over her mouth.

"Then shut them down," Shepard all but growled out.

"What," Aria retorted tenderly, "You mean like last time? No, Shepard. I can't do that."

"Listen Aria, we just need-"

"No. You don't fucking get it, do you Shepard," Aria said, her neutral look in sharp contrast to the hate and heat pouring out with her words, "Omega is lost. I'm no longer in control, and I never will be again. And," she said haltingly, looking like something was being pulled out of her gut forcefully, "I... I need your help."


	13. Pirate Queen Of Omega

Shepard walked on silently next to Aria as they made their way through the warehouses and the adjoining connective passageways, careful to stay close enough to be noticed but not so close as to get into the woman's personal space. He'd made that mistake once before, during the war, and Aria clearly hadn't appreciated it.

Kaidan was still steaming at the rear of their little convoy, since his constant barrage of questions had been met with disdain and flat out ignorance from Aria, and the only person she'd talk to was Jack, Kasumi and himself; she seemed to think that they were the only four around and Garrus, Kaidan and James were flat out ignored. Since Kaidan was still officially in charge of the mission, Shepard had let it slide, not wanting to trample on his lover's budding command, but still, he'd thought it would have been in all their best interest if he could get some information out of the notorious 'Pirate Queen'.

Shepard turned to look at the rear of the group, watching as Kaidan was keeping to himself while sending constant looks at Aria and himself, while Garrus and James were keeping a wary eye out around the near empty warehouses, dragging along a pallet that held a relatively small beacon, green light gleaming in the gloom. Shepard hitched his head toward Aria the next time Kaidan's gaze passed over him, and he got a sullen, sharp nod in return.

"Aria," Shepard began quietly as he quickened his pace to level with her.

"Shepard," Aria replied almost instantly, eyes still looking forward and face set in a grim mask of nothing.

"What happened here?" he put bluntly. There was no use beating around the bush when it came to Aria, and he'd found that the only way to speak _to_ her was to speak _like_ her. He watched her face, the small tells that showed that heavy emotion stormed within her, like the slight narrowing of her eyes and the barest tightening of her lips but Shepard waited patiently. He'd played this game often enough with the asari, and despite the pendulum that swung around in his head, he felt in his element.

Her eye turned to watch him as she strode unheedingly forward, measuring and dissecting.

"I told you once before, Shepard," Aria opened, "I don't like some of the company you keep. And now, you've brought three of them with you. Tell me, are they good, little varren?"

"Well," Shepard replied letting the barb slide through him, "What would you prefer I do? Leave them here while I tag along with you?"

"I wouldn't be too unhappy with that arrangement," Aria murmured, a slight smirk breaking through.

"Then I guess you'll have to bring that up with _Commander_ Alenko," Shepard said nonchalantly and watched as Aria _almost_ flinched, "He's in charge of this mission and of the Normandy now."

"Huh, so I guess it's true then. The great Commander, no, Lieutenant Shepard, working in the muck like a common grunt. How refreshing."

"That's not the point Aria," Shepard said as he tried to bite back the frustration, "Look, I don't really care about your approval and who gets to be with me or not. You want _my_ help, Aria? Then you better be willing to let me in on what's been happening here on Omega."

For the first time since their reunion, Aria paused to turn and look straight at Kaidan, studying him briefly but just as closely as she had studied him just moments ago.

"Such a pity, Shepard. You could have done so much better than that," Aria purred as she resumed walking. Shepard kept silent, refusing to rise up and take the offered bait even as his fists clenched at his side, the metal almost crackling as his enhanced muscles tightened more and more.

Aria sighed, probably displeased with failing to get him riled up, and her words came out as they always did; with bland indifference tinted with scorn.

"It started about a week ago. Omega was still recovering from the Cerberus... occupation and the war. Thankfully, most of the Reapers ignored the station when they swarmed toward the Sol System, to protect their precious Crucible I'd imagine."

_I'm... I'm proud of you... son._

Shepard shook his head, clearing away the mugginess and echoed words that softly spiked through his head. Dammit, now was not going to be a good time for false memories to rise to the surface. Aria hadn't even noticed, back straight as she sauntered forward like the self proclaimed queen she was.

"Your actions on Omega were... beneficial to me, Shepard. I learned things about my little kingdom that I'd almost forgotten since I took it over centuries ago. I guess some of your useless charm and responsibility made me consider my options... differently."

"Yeah, Shep can do that to a person. It's like his own personal form of indoctrination," came Kasumi's voice out of thin air and without a glance, Aria swatted the thief away though the petite woman managed to nimbly dodge the casual swing.

_Indoctrination. The mind can only take so much..._

_Your mind, Shepard. Your mind is ours._

_Don't worry, we got you, Commander. We got you..._

A bead of sweat tickled its way down the side of his head as the tiny, unrecognizable voices echoed madly around in his mind. He pulled his hand up and wiped away the offending moisture and for some reason, he half expected it to be blood. And not just red blood, but purple ichor, coagulated and thick. He shook his head more vehemently, trying to will the voices into silence as he strained to hear what Aria was saying. He didn't think she'd take it kindly if she thought he was ignoring her.

"Anyway, I wanted to build something... more. I saw it as an opportunity to create something bigger, more permanent. Like the Dark Citadel of the galaxy, laughing at those fucking politicians running their little games, while we hoarded the real wealth and the real power."

Aria's breathing was growing faster, Shepard noted, lost in the haze of the rapturous vision she had intended for her station.

"So, I called in favours. Every fucking favour you could think of. There were swarms of transport ships, builders, engineers. The works. And about a week ago, five huge transports docked and, I shouldn't have to tell you, but I was suspicious. Before I could get them off my damned station, Reapers, those fucking shits, came down in fucking waves. Slaughtered every man stationed at the secondary docks and carved out a space for their beach head."

"Guess that didn't sit too well with you, huh?" Shepard replied slightly diplomatically.

"No. It really fucking didn't. So I rallied the gangs, took every merc I had left in Omega, and launched an attack that should have overwhelmed that pathetic group of dead carrion. The remnants of the Blood Pack, Blue Suns, Eclipse. The Talons were my personal guard, and all the refugees from the war that could hold a pistol or a fork, I used them. We had mechs, salvaged from the war, and I threw it all, one big, fucking party."

"What happened?" Shepard whispered quietly.

"Their... leader, commander, whatever the fuck you want to call the bastard. I don't even know if the little bitch was grown with balls or a pussy. Whatever it was, it was the only one standing out, wearing that damned black armour. Couldn't really tell and I didn't really care, at the time."

"At the time? What changed then?" Shepard asked absently, wondering about this mystery figure in black.

Aria spun smoothly toward him, rage burning through her mask of neutrality.

"What changed? Everything, fucking changed, Shepard!" Aria practically screamed and it took a lot of effort not to step away from the verbal onslaught. "I don't what it was, or where it came from, but it knew how to fight. It knew how to wage a war. I brought this whole fucking station down onto that little shit's head and it wiped them out. Every. Single. One."

Shepard watched as Aria tried to claw back some composure, carefully assessed how dangerous and unhinged the woman was becoming, as he saw something behind the fury and the anger. Something he'd never, ever seen in the woman's face before.

Raw, primal _fear_.

And like a mirage, it disappeared, everything winking out like the last several minutes hadn't occurred. Aria was once more staring blandly up at him, gaze not even bothering to shift over to the three rifles pointed at her when she had lunged forward toward him. Aria shifted her jacket slightly, as if adjusting her appearance meant the world right now, and turned to continue their way through the maze of warehouses.

"They took over my-- the station after that," Aria started again, as Shepard waved the rest down and tried to send a reassuring shrug over to Kaidan. "Broke through the defence systems, took over the main controls, Afterlife, the reisdentials, everything. Even that bunker I used against Cerberus, they managed to gain access to it. I was practically living in the tunnels and mines until just five days ago. Just like Nyreen did."

"What changed after that, Aria? I noticed that the, um, security here's not too tight," Shepard ventured hoping to steer her away from anymore... sensitive topics.

"That little shit left. After it had secured Omega and dragged me all the way down into the dirt, it just fucking left, leaving the rest of its... army behind. By then, I'd managed to find some more survivors from the initial purge, our shady friend over there and the tattooed girl with the mouth, among others."

"Yeah, about that, do you know why both of them were-"

"If you want their stories, Shepard," Aria broke in quickly, "then you can ask them. I'm not a library, talk to them yourself."

Shepard nodded at that, resigned. "So, you've told me what happened here, but you still haven't told me why you need my help."

Aria nodded absently as they passed through another door. "Like I said, I found survivors. Remnants of the gangs, a few civilians who managed to survive and fight for survival. It was a motley bunch, but I had a small force in the making at least. They managed to install a comm-block over the entire station, so we couldn't get word out to the rest of the galaxy. Little shits just wanted to leave us here to rot slowly and I couldn't get any more... reinforcements from the other systems."

"Don't think that would have done much good Aria," Shepard said quietly, "The galaxy is still recovering from the largest conflict we've seen since around fifty-thousand years ago."

Aria smiled a humorous smile at that. "Oh Shepard, such a big boy now, but still so naïve. Shepard, there are _always_ people you can buy. There are still fighters scattered throughout the galaxy, and nothing would have stopped me from rallying every single, fucking one, bringing them back and smearing the walls of Omega in Reaper blood."

"I see you've grown quite optimistic since the war, Aria," Shepard observed sarcastically.

She pointedly ignored him.

"I learned my lesson after we managed to push Cerberus out of Omega, and there were a lot of changes made to the way the station worked. One of them was the installation of emergency escape shuttles along the main upper docks."

"Sounds like a good plan," Shepard agreed, "But you're still here."

"I'm glad you're still as observant as ever Shepard," Aria said with sweet venom, "The patrols were less organized without their... leader present, and they don't seem to have much ingenuity, so it was a relatively simple thing. The first shuttle left and got a few hundred meters before the defence cannons shot it down."

"Didn't you think to shut it down?" Shepard asked aghast.

"Like I said, I learnt my lessons from Cerberus," Aria continued, ignoring his question, "And when the time came to reinstall the defence systems, I put in an EMP kill switch. It should have fried every single gun in Omega. Unfortunately, that black-armoured fucker was smart. It bypassed my activation codes, and placed some kind of blocker on the system so that, when I press the button, it doesn't work, even if it tells me it did. Useless shit tech."

"So again, Aria. Why do you need my help? Do you want us to go after the kill switches?" Shepard wondered.

"I've already taken care of that, Shepard. Or should I say, your invisible friend here has already been doing so for the last three days. No, what I need from you Shepard, is a way to get out of here. After we almost got trapped in the upper docks, those... things blew up the entire docking area. With their own transport ships removed, I don't have a fucking way off this station."

"So that's it?" Shepard asked in disbelief, "You were just waiting for the Normandy to dock on Omega and hope that we made it in time before you starved to death or got caught? Not much of a plan Aria."

Aria tensed at the unintended slight, but kept walking towards the sloping incline that moved towards a vast, solid door.

"Let me be clear on this Shepard," Aria replied tightly, "I'm not a fucking general. I've had experience, waging wars and coups and all that, but right now? Right now, what I need is you. You help me, and I'll be in your debt. Wouldn't that be something you'd look forward to?"

Shepard scrubbed at his neck nervously, trying to detect the invisible strings that would have been attached to Aria's 'gratitude'. He couldn't see any just right now, but that didn't mean the devious woman hadn't kept a card up her sleeve.

"The, uh," Shepard began, unsure how to voice his concern without majorly pissing Aria off too much, "The Normandy's not really meant for... large scale evacuations. We can take, what, up to a hundred extra individuals? What about the rest of the survivors? I'm not planning to leave anyone behind Aria."

Aria stopped at the imposing doors and turned to brush a hand across his cheeks, a definite smirk painting her beautiful, dangerous features.

"So sweet of you, Shepard. Offering to take back Omega for me? I'm almost starting to think that you'd prefer to stay here. With me."

"That's not what I meant and you-" Shepard sputtered but Aria's crystalline laugh sliced through his protestations.

"Oh, don't look so worried Shepard. If I wanted you, I'd take you and make you mine. No, you don't have to worry about the survivors," A dark look passed over Aria's features as the door slid open.

Shepard turned and looked into the almost empty secondary storage facility, sure that that was where Aria had been leading them to, and blanched at the sight before him.

"Alright Aria," Shepard said quietly, "How do you want to do this?"

"Good boy," she purred and began to fill him in on what she'd been planning for the last several days.

*

Kaidan was pissed.

He could count on a four-fingered hand just how often he'd let the rage surge up inside him and simmer like an overcooked pot of stew. His was a quiet anger, and it could last for days, weeks even, and it was there, itching and teeming just beneath the surface. It was unfortunate that there wasn't any outlet currently for his building frustrations and annoyance and he felt a twang of pity at the thought of what he'd do to the Normandy's punching bag once they got back.

It had started innocently enough, Kaidan claiming the beacon with little effort and securing it to one of the hovo-pallets that dotted the nearly empty warehouse. Kasumi had pointed, bloodhound straight, towards where it was being kept, inside a sealed, thrice-locked crate that she had easily over-ridden. Once it was secure, he'd turned to ask Aria what exactly her plan was for getting them out of here, and she looked like some parasite had crawled up onto her arm and asked her for a dance.

Kaidan wasn't usually one to be upset over being ignored by someone of Aria's... association, but he'd been running on fumes for the last few days and was still trying to get his plan involving Shepard's cure into motion. Not to mention the fact that the beacon, and Shepard, were his current priorities, and that they still had more ground to cover. Thoughts and plans churned inside him constantly and Aria's disdain and obvious attempts to imagine his non-existence had frayed his patience at completing this mission even further. Simply put, he was about to snap.

He would have at least been gratified if Aria had responded in kind, threatened him, drawn her pistol on him. But she hadn't even looked up, merely stared at the walls of cold metal as if they would swallow his presence away and she'd be eternally grateful for that reprieve. Well, two could play that game, and in a fit of pique, he'd almost wanted to deny her access to _his_ ship and _his_ resources.

Which was when he realized he was crossing a very dusty, derelict border in his mind.

As they walked, he'd meditated quietly in the back of his mind, the breathing exercises and mind-numbing mantras that Liara had taught him during their earlier years together as a team and Kaidan was just starting to get comfortable with his biotic skills. It worked. Slightly.

As Shepard turned to him and indicated he'd dig for information, Jack had sidled up to him, keeping her pace and step exactly the same, even as he tried to fall back or move forward, so that he could have a private moment with his thoughts. She was persistent, despite her size, so Kaidan resigned himself to letting Jack march along beside him like some kaleidoscopic shadow.

"So, boy scout," Jack began suddenly not looking at him, making Kaidan's eyes widen at the nickname, almost causing him to stumble back into the pallet. "Wanna tell me what you and Shepard are doing here?"

"I-- Boy scout? What-" Kaidan sputtered, all the tattered remains of his control and calm, evaporated.

"You're a boy aren't you?" Jack shrugged casually, giving him an approving look over, her stare lingering uncomfortably over his rear, "I could call you a pussy-scout if you want, but from what I hear, that's not exactly what you're 'scouting' for is it?" She barked a laugh at her own wit and Kaidan felt his cheeks flush red.

"Ah, I... Look, I, um, I think we got off on the-" Kaidan said, trying to steer the conversation away from himself.

"Y'know," Jack broke in, clearly not wanting the subject to shift, "I can see why the Commander'd hook up with you. You've got a great ass, fucking anti-grav' those things," she said, cupping her hands behind her own rear and making obscene bobbing motions with them.

"Alright!" Kaidan practically yelled, giving up on being tactically proper as his face heated some more, "We're just here for the beacon, alright? I, um, I guess Aria's got some sort of plan to, you know, get us all out of here and..."

Kaidan trailed off as Jack whooped and nudged him in his armoured side. "What's the matter baby? You can give it, but you can't take it? Look at those fucking things! You could serve drinks on them, and the customers'll probably be able to bounce a credit chit off of that-"

"Jack, please," Kaidan said, voice hoarse and strangled. He could have sworn he heard sniggering from behind, but when he whipped around, James and Garrus were looking at one another, having a deep, meaningful conversation. Kaidan didn't believe it for a moment.

"Fine, suit yourself, you ass," Jack sighed as she continued to pace him.

"So," Kaidan started, finally hoping to change the topic, " _Does_ Aria have a plan to get us out of here?"

"Fuck if I know," Jack said casually, "I don't work for her. I don't think she'd give two shits about me or Kasumi if it came down to it. Why don't you ask her yourself, bookworm?" she ended sweetly.

Kaidan wanted to rub at his temple; talking to Jack always gave him a headache and he was glad he hadn't been around during the Collector run and shared a ship with her, let alone personal walking space.

"Looks like, uh, I think she doesn't really want to talk to me. Or even look at me," Kaidan said miserably. Seriously though, he wondered, what was her god damned malfunction?

"Yeah," Jack agreed, "She's kinda like that. Woulda kicked her ass weeks ago if I didn't respect her being a big-ass bitch controlling her little fucking part of the galaxy."

"I'm sure you'd find that respectable," he muttered and stopped himself from continuing as Jack turned a malevolent eye toward him.

"So, um," he quickly stepped in, hoping to divert her attention away from himself, "Weeks ago huh? I, um, I guess you've... ah, moved away from the Alliance?"

"Pfff, fuck that shit," Jack said, and he couldn't tell if it was an agreement or a denial, "I mean, yeah, the Alliance was great and all that, what they did for me and the other biotic kids... but I guess... Ah fuck you Alenko, I'm no fucking good at this shit. Stop trying to get into my head, asshole."

Kaidan wondered idly if her swear jar broke from the weight of all her renewed cursing. Maybe that's why she'd begun again. Still, probably not the wisest thing to bring up.

"I just thought that," Kaidan said instead, "Well, I mean, you really seemed to like those kids from what Joh-- Shepard told me. I would've thought you'd stay. You know, for them," his eyes narrowed as another uncomfortable thought intruded in on him, "You didn't desert did you?"

"I'm not a fucking idiot Alenko," Jack shot back, eyebrows raised as if expecting him to disagree. Not while he valued his manhood intact.

"Anyway, I handed in my resignation," Jack continued when he, wisely, didn't speak up, "With Grissom Academy gone, they wanted to open up a school on Earth. Fuck that shit man, I can't stay down on a planet like that. I mean, yeah biotic school, teaching position. That shit's great but not on a planet. In space, I guess I had some freedom. Coulda gone where ever the fuck I wanted, if I wanted."

"Yeah, I get that. I guess," Kaidan said diplomatically as Jack elbowed him for interrupting.

"So yeah, resigned from my position. Brought some of the kids with me too, guess they preferred my style of teaching. Don't you fucking look at me like that you tight ass son of a bitch," she shot at him as his eyes narrowed at the statement.

"Jack, you took your kids, your students, away from the Alliance's biotic training?" Kaidan said, voice heating with anger, "Why? What the hell were you thinking, I mean, you know biotics can be... unstable during their early years, without the training that the Alliance can provide, we-"

"Fuck you, Alenko," Jack shot right back, "Don't fucking think you got me pegged just 'cause we're both fucking biotics. You don't know the shit I've been through, living up on your pretty, little pedestal. Besides, the kids wanted to come. Refused to stay if I didn't," Jack finished quietly.

Damn. He'd gotten it all wrong, letting his previous mental state and his prejudices against Jack cloud his thinking. Most of the kids at Grissom were... cast-offs, neither home nor family willing to maintain any tangible ties with them. It was one of the reasons he'd guessed Jack had developed such a firm attachment to them when she'd began as an instructor. It only made sense that some of the students had reciprocated, treating her as a protective big sister or mother figure that would be there for them, a solid centre. Everyone needed a solid centre.

"Ah, Jack, look. I-- I'm sorry, I didn't-" he began.

"No. You fucking didn't. So fuck you. But thanks," came Jack's reply, making his head spin with the twists and turns.

"Truce?" he asked, holding out an armoured glove in her direction.

She eyed it up and down before rocking a slap across his armoured shoulder-plate. His haptic sensors immediately toned down the momentum as he almost tumbled to the side.

"What-- What the fuck was that for?!" Kaidan shot out, feeling some of his anger dispersing as mortification rose up in him. Dammit, he almost never swore, his mother had taught him better than that-

Jack laughed, a sincere and pleased sound as she fondly, and briefly, took his hand and gave it an almighty squeeze, pulling out before he could even think to respond.

"Hah! Knew you had it in you, boy scout! Guess there's hope for you after all."

Kaidan cleared his throat, clearly wanting the conversation to go back to why Jack was here in the first place.

"So, um, you were saying? About the students and your... resignation?" he started once again.

Jack turned pensive as her thoughts went back several weeks.

"Yeah. It was just a few of us, around ten, and we were looking for a place to crash. I mean, fuck, the war fucked all of us over right? Didn't want to see that kind of shit again, especially not with my kids in the middle of it. Wanted to get them all inked again for surviving the war, but the military pension crap didn't really allow me that kinda luxury. Even so..."

"Even so, you'd thought you'd bring to Omega. Let them unwind," Kaidan finished for her.

Jack nodded in reply as she continued, "Yeah, some of them are so fucking young Alenko. I can't even remember what I... Yeah, we got our asses over here, decided to see what we could do. Maybe earn a place here. Some of them were scared shitless thinking about a lifetime on Omega," she laughed in remembrance, "Wanted to try something else anyway."

Kaidan nodded at that. He understood her desire for freedom, sometimes. All of them did.

"Then, when we'd just gotten an offer from Aria's 'police force', shit got nasty."

"What happened?" Kaidan whispered, feeling the shift in mood.

"Every fucking thing went to fucking hell, Alenko. What the hell do you think? They... some of them were at the docks when those assholes hit. I... I..."

Kaidan watched as the ferocious biotic shivered slightly, the emotions too much for her to clamp down on. He laid a comforting arm across her shoulders, which she immediately shrugged off.

"Fuck that, don't touch me," Jack responded automatically, "Those kids, those stupid damned kids, they meant the world to me. I was thinking, maybe if I could save them then maybe..." Jack swiped angrily at her eyes and Kaidan surreptitiously looked away as Jack tried to regain her gung-ho composure.

"There's only two left now," Jack said when she'd calmed down enough and Kaidan felt a chill of dread shiver through him, "Rodriguez. Always fucking told her to keep her shield up. Damn her for dying on me like that. Fuck! Screw you Alenko, I don't wanna talk about it anymore. Just shut the fuck up."

"Alright, alright. We don't have to talk about it anymore. I'm... I'm sorry, Jack," Kaidan said, complete understanding rendering him silent. What would he have done if his biotic kids, not to mention himself, were in a similar situation? How well would he have handled the fact that they'd died horribly against overwhelming odds? Probably as well as the fierce young woman walking next to him.

The ground sloped as Aria and Shepard approached a large door, leading them lower into what looked to be a more secure area of the warehouse district. Kaidan watched the two of them as they continued talking, Shepard trying to tease information out of the criminal queen and Aria looking put off about the entire affair. He wished he'd asked Shepard to link his comm-device to his own, so that he could hear what they were planning.

"Hey Alenko, here. Wanna show you something," Jack brought up suddenly, along with one of his spare thermal clips.

"Where, how the hell did you-"

"Hey," a female voice came from his other side, causing him to jump as if goosed, "If the best thief in the galaxy can't get an ammo-clip out of a soldier's armour, well..."

"Shut it Kasumi, he's already taken," Jack said good-naturedly to the thief as she fiddled with the clip.

"Jack, what are you-"

"Just shut the fuck up and watch."

Kaidan did so, unaware why he'd snapped to the command so quickly. Must have been the old military training kicking to the fore. Either that or his sense of self preservation was very much intact and actively working.

Kaidan watched as Jack began to glow blue, her biotics harsh and turbulent around her as she manipulated the field and triggered it to swarm around her hands. It was difficult to tell, since he was unfamiliar with her fighting style, but the energy patterns seemed very similar to a Warp, a technique that he was particularly fond of and familiar with.

"What-" he began, but felt the question die in his mouth as he saw the biotic energy flare and activate, flowing over to cover the entire thermal clip in glowing blue energy. Kaidan had never seen a Warp used that way before, and the knowledge hungry part of his brain brought him forward, curiosity peaked as he watched the field stabilize around the thermal clip, glowing motes of energy settling over the piece gently.

"Warp-ammo," Jack said in a bored tone, "You just take a basic warp, smallest one you can manage and shove that fucker into the thermal clip. Instead of triggering the field to disintegrate though, leave it around the clip. When you fire off the rounds, the impact will collapse the field and trigger small-scale Warps at the point of contact."

Kaidan stared in dumb-founded admiration. He'd heard of the technique, but had always thought it beyond him, was always too afraid to try it out for fear of triggering the Warp on an active thermal clip and blowing an arm off in the process. If he was lucky.

"I-- That's... That's pretty damn amazing, Jack," Kaidan said earnestly, eager to get back onto the Normandy and try it for himself. Maybe he could start on something else, maybe even spent thermal clips if he could get his hands on them.

"What, you think this hot-bod is just for show?" Jack said bluntly, "I mean, c'mon Alenko. There's a reason I was a fucking instructor at Grissom. Don't tell me you never experimented with this shit before?"

"Yeah, well, it's a little dangerous, don't you think?" Kaidan said defensively. Still, this was a gift beyond words.

"Thank you, Jack. I really appreciate the, uh, the lesson."

Jack sent him a look before responding, "Don't you start getting soft on me asshole. Can't believe someone as powerful as you didn't even think to experiment with your biotics and shit. Now c'mon. I got some injured kids to see to and you probably wanna talk to Aria or Shepard or whoever the fuck."

She turned but before Jack could take a step, Kaidan gently placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, not flinching when she stared dangerously at his appendage and then back at him.

"I mean it, Jack," Kaidan said sincerely, trying to impress upon the woman his gratitude, understanding and sorrow for her situation, "I... I'm grateful for this, and I, uh, I'm sorry about your students. Thank you though."

Jack stared at him blankly before shoving his hand away and flipped around, stomping her way into the hollow, nearly empty room.

"I told you to stop that shit Alenko," came her offhand reply, and Kaidan wanted to sigh. He'd tried but it seemed Jack was just as impenetrable as ever. As he was about to turn to speak to James and Garrus, Jack turned just at the last and sent him a tiny, honest smile that bloomed beautifully across her features.

"Oh, yeah. You're fucking welcome, boy scout."

*

"That's a hell of a risk, Aria," Shepard said quietly as Kaidan approached the duo, both of them hunched over the rudimentary console and holo-display as they were speaking to one another.

"Well, if you'd like to correct any part of that, feel free to go ahead. Until then, that looks like our best shot, Shepard," Aria shot back in her indifferent tone.

Kaidan stepped up and tried to catch Shepard's attention without letting Aria see, but the asari seemed to have eyes at the back of her head, and turned slowly when he approached, hand twitching at her side. Her eyes slid past his face and landed on James and Garrus who were trying to manhandle the beacon while attempting to secure it to the pallet.

"Huh," Aria said innocently, "Didn't think dogs could sneak up on their masters so quietly."

Kaidan felt his face heat as the insult hit him, and he opened his mouth to reply scathingly as Aria turned back to Shepard, eyes never once touching him, and spoke up over his angry sputtering.

"We'll talk more later, Shepard. Come find me when you're ready," Aria placed a soft brush of her lips against Shepard's cheek, making the man's eyes widen in shock, and she brushed past the stunned man like a ghost, walking away from the both of them. Kaidan felt rage and... something, definitely _not_ jealousy, squirm its way through his gut as he rounded on Shepard.

"What the hell is her god damned problem, John?" Kaidan practically hissed.

Shepard was still wearing a stunned expression as he wiped at the cheek that Aria had molested, a small smile playing along his lips.

"Why, Kaidan. I think you're jealous."

"What?!" Kaidan huffed incredulously, "I... I'm jealous? Jealous John? Of what, that? That... that, whatever the hell she wants to call herself... I-"

Shepard chuckled as he brushed an armoured hand over Kaidan's cheek. Even through the glove, Kaidan could feel the warmth of the man and the faintest hint of his lover's scent.

"I'm joking Kaidan, I couldn't possibly image that _you'd_ be jealous. Of Aria at that."

Kaidan wanted to shout another denial that he was certainly _not_ jealous of that asari bimbo queen, but realized just in time how childish that would sound. He settled for a muttered grumble that Shepard smiled at and Shepard lowered his hand onto Kaidan's shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze.

"Actually, I think she's jealous of _you_. She, um, she kinda wants me to herself. I guess she's not really happy with... sharing my company. With you," Shepard shrugged casually.

"Get over yourself John," Kaidan whispered endearingly, a smile finally cracking through. Aria was jealous of him? Well, he could live with that, and if push came to shove, he'd take her on. He could warp ammo now, and she'd have no chance. Definitely not jealous of Aria.

"So, what's the plan?" Kaidan quipped up, unwilling to let himself bask in Shepard's presence while they still had a mission, not to mention his plans, to complete.

"You're not going to like it, Kaidan."

"Well, I don't really have to like it do I, John? Shoot."

Shepard sighed resignedly as he turned to the holo-display, drawing Kaidan's attention to it as he went through the steps that he and Aria had discussed during their prolonged walk to this underground shelter.

"...and once the EMP takes out the defences on this side of the station, we have a few minutes to get the Normandy out of range before the back up generators power up the guns again."

Kaidan nodded thoughtfully at the information. "Sounds good John, but, I, uh, I don't think you sound... convinced that it's going to work out that well."

Shepard sighed as he turned to face Kaidan, arms crossed as he leaned back against the console.

"There's a slight problem."

"Care to elaborate, John?"

"When the Normandy's out of range, then what, Kaidan? How can we just leave Omega, defences up and running, while we go around the galaxy looking," his voice dropped as he looked around for any would-be eavesdroppers, "looking for a cure for my... condition? I mean, Omega is one of the Terminus's biggest trade stops. Who knows how many ships, transports, merchant vessels dock here every day?"

Kaidan rubbed his cheek thoughtfully at that. He hadn't considered that frightening possibility.

"But, John, you-- we don't have the time, or the resources to take out every single hostile on this platform. That could take weeks, considering our ground force, Aria's survivors not withstanding."

Shepard nodded sharply at that and the thought hit Kaidan, the realization accompanied by a building sense of dread.

"What're you... You've thought of something already, haven't you?"

Now Shepard looked down, uncomfortably, as he drew in closer, whisper barely audible despite the still and quiet air.

"Aria's not going to like this, she want's to come back and take the station with another, larger force. We don't have time for that. Thousands could die, Kaidan. Taken hostage by those... those things."

"John..." Kaidan whispered hoarsely, the dread thick in him now.

Shepard sighed, and his reply sent a wave of cold horror through him.

"We have to find a way to destroy Omega," Shepard whispered tiredly.

"I... But John, there could be other survivors, could be hundreds more scattered all over the station! How the hell can we just consign them to death like that?" Kaidan said in shock, almost forgetting to keep his voice low.

"Don't you think I know that?" Shepard replied hotly, "Even if we could round them up, what then Kaidan? The Normandy couldn't hold that many even if they hang off the sides of the ship! This way, at least we make sure that unsuspecting ships don't unknowingly stumble into this... trap. Mess. Whatever you want to call it."

"We, uh, we could broadcast. Send out a signal. Let everyone know that Omega is overrun, that Aria's no longer in control," Kaidan said, stumbling for other solutions.

"And what then?" Shepard countered, "How many transmissions would we have to make to how many worlds, colonies? How many systems? Might as well stay here and clean up the mess for Aria. There's no other choice Kaidan. I don't have to like it, I've thought of every other scenario, but this... Save the thousands, sacrifice the hundred"

"That doesn't sound like the John Shepard I used to know," Kaidan muttered immediately and cursed silently as the words slipped through the barrier of his lips. Shepard's expression grew dark and incensed.

"I've changed, Kaidan. We all have. I'm sorry if mine doesn't happen to conform to your expectations," Shepard said bitterly as he turned and moved away, shoulders slumped.

Kaidan made a desperate grab as he pulled Shepard over to him before the man moved too far away, fighting back the man's resistance.

"I'm... I'm sorry John. I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean it like that. Please, look... Let's, uh, let's talk about it some more, see if we can come up with other ideas. Check with Garrus and James, maybe even EDI. They might have some answers. I'm sorry, John. You're everything to me, I never expected anything more than what you've already given me."

Kaidan felt some of his anguish melt away as the man leaned up against him, pressing himself into his embrace.

"I'm so tired Kaidan," Shepard whispered, "Tired, and the voices. I just... Yeah, let's see if we can think of something else."

Kaidan wanted to let go, should have stepped back and given the man some space, but he clung on tightly as he tried to banish Shepard's demons away. But he couldn't help the uncomfortable feeling gnawing at him, the traitorous thought that quietly nipped at him.

They'd all changed, Shepard said, and Kaidan wondered if Shepard was changing for the better, or for the worse.


	14. To Die in Silence

The round whizzed past his head, barely missing the edge of his barrier, and expelled its force against the thick, solid metal that he had braced against during the start of the fight. Kaidan cursed as another, similar round hit slightly closer, brushing past the blue envelope and causing the energy to flare as it absorbed the impact.

This wasn't going as well as they'd planned.

"Aria!" Kaidan yelled hoarsely, feeling drained by the constant pull of his amp, "To your left, two marauders!"

The notorious asari didn't even deign to register his words, merely whipped her pistol out as she turned in the direction and used the sidearm to whittle down the meagre shields of the two creatures and taking one out with a spray of bullets, tossing the other away with a biotic Lash, hurling it against the side of the warehouse and dashing desiccated brains and body parts into pieces. Not even a nod of thanks.

"James," Kaidan brought up as he turned back to the fighting, "Another Carnage round would be useful right about now."

"Yeah, sure, I wish," the bulky marine shot back, assault rifle blaring over the crate that he was hunkered down behind, "Shotguns man, they have a cool down too. _Maldito estupido_ tech."

Kaidan flung out a Reave, incapacitating a horde of Husks that had grouped too close together, noting how the ones in Cerberus armour were recovering quicker as the metal absorbed more of the energy. Thankfully, James had been paying attention as well, gunning down the ones who were trying to pick themselves up over the bare Husks that were even now, hunched over and twitching as the dark energy coursed through their systems and surged into Kaidan.

"EDI, how much longer?" Kaidan almost yelled into his comm device as he hunched over, letting his amp cool down after the expenditure of energy.

"The bypass has been completed, Major Alenko," EDI replied passively, "All that remains are for my systems to initiate the override the emergency response protocols and complete the circuit so that the station's orbital defence systems will-"

"Yeah, okay, um, okay..." Kaidan interrupted, not needing another rundown of their full plan, "Just, uh, just let me know when you've completed the override."

"Of course, Major Alenko," came the AI's reply.

Shepard flowed into the empty space behind Kaidan, taking the barest moment to lurch out over the cover and sight a target through his Black Widow's scope, almost absently squeezing the trigger as a red-coloured round burst through the barrel and shattered the faceplate of a Marauder as it engulfed the rest of the body in incendiary flames. The grenade that the monster had been primed to throw fell off its lifeless fingers and clattered silently against the feet of several Cannibals. Kaidan didn't watch as it went off, sending bodies hurtling through the air. Garrus crowed as he picked off the struggling survivors.

"How's it coming along Kaidan?" Shepard asked him grimly. Kaidan wordlessly nodded at the question.

"Almost there, John," Kaidan replied just as mutedly and received a mirrored nod in confirmation.

They had spent the better part of the last hour under the warehouses, formulating and refining the desperate plan that Shepard had come up with. Try as they might, despite almost everyone chipping in ideas and thoughts about alternative considerations, they still hadn't managed to come up with any way to neutralize the threat on Omega with enough speed to suit their mission. Kaidan had had a choice, either get Shepard cured as quickly as possible or waste precious days, weeks even, clearing out the infestation that swarmed all over the space station. He made the choice without a second thought, even as his conscience screamed at him to stop and pause.

The only problem after that though, was how to go over Aria's own plans and replace it with their own.

Apparently, it had been easy enough. Shepard had opened up his comm-channel so that whatever was being discussed would project itself into Kaidan's earpiece, and Kaidan listened intently, transmitting the data he gathered back to EDI on the Normandy. Aria, it seemed, had installed station-wide control directly into her omni-tool and had established it so that the system would only recognize her DNA, her unique, individual print. This had been turned on its head when the invading Reaper troops had used brute force to take over the entire station and methodically overridden and replaced all the system protections with ones of their own designs. Aria hadn't counted on the superior alien tech supplanting her own black market, experimental systems and had used Kasumi's notorious evanescence as way to seek out the more highly prioritized tech nodes, removing as much of the Reaper protocols as possible and replacing it back with her original schematics.

What resulted was a haphazard design that would perhaps, perhaps not, carry out Aria's intentions, maybe even a limited number of times, before the makeshift overrides overloaded and melted down. That's where EDI came in. Using Omega's primary root access codes, the AI had managed to infiltrate into the cyber-frame of the station and had discovered a... fail-safe of sorts. It seemed that if Aria couldn't have Omega, then nobody else would ever be allowed to keep it, and EDI had discovered a dormant self-destruct sequence laced through a majority of Omega's power grid. One that would overload the structure with energy as it built up in all major access points, ultimately resulting in a meltdown that would devastate the entire construct. From what he had gathered about the asari, she was still aware of the dormant system but had not offered the information, and option, to them just in case they decided on gutting Aria's floating palace.

So while EDI was working on shifting the control protocols over so that Aria's trigger sequence would initiate an EMP blackout _and_ the station-wide self-destruct, they were making their way over to the open port area in preparation for the Normandy's arrival. Unfortunately, as Kaidan was already well aware of by now, plans always seemed to enjoy slipping out and away from the well-designed fittings that they had placed them in. Perhaps it would have been a better idea, in hindsight, if they had _moved_ the corpses that they first left strewn around the area during their initial push into the warehouses. Who would have thought a patrol would have discovered the bodies, called up for reinforcements, and turned the cargo docks into a veritable sea of shifting bodies all anticipating their arrival. Who would have thought, indeed.

"Ah, shit! Adjutants!" Shepard snapped out, dragging Kaidan way from his thoughts. He turned over the crate, risking a peek as he watched several of the lumbering monstrosities pick their way through the piles of bodies.

The only thing he'd known about it was from Shepard's brief descriptions, and the information that had been compiled in the Codex, barely enough to understand how it functioned and what was the most effective way of taking it down. Kaidan primed his own warp-ammo as he shifted over the rapid-fire of his assault rifle.

Kaidan watched as Warps, Overloads and ammo-rounds bloomed around him like streaks of light, shooting stars that soared through the empty air and smashed into the pack of Adjutants and withered down the creatures' barriers. Some had moved with surprising speed, nimbly moving away from the projectiles as they skittered away on their limbs from some, but not all, of the energy that was being directed at them. Once he heard the distinct whine of the barriers breaking down, he watched as a Carnage round laced through an Adjutant as another Warp from him twisted the reinforced skin and metal of another.

"I will destroy you fuckers!" came a slightly out of breath Jack from the other side of the warehouse, a Shockwave blasting forward as the energy built up and cascaded forward, disrupting the movements of the remaining Adjutants just long enough for Garrus and Shepard to pick off any remaining ones.

"EDI, any time now would be great," Kaidan spoke into his comm, as his amp fizzled around at the back of his head, struggling to cool down as it forcefully expended energy. He broke cover and sent his Warp-infused ammo into the head and torso of a Banshee, the creature casually making small, biotic hops as it tried to flank them. Unfortunately, he hadn't had much time to practice his new skill, so the impact on the Banshee's barrier did little more than draw its attention toward him as it focused dead, black eyes in his direction.

"Just a moment more, Major," EDI said coolly as the Banshee keened, a shattering sound that swirled around it. Kaidan cursed as he ducked back around the crate, a combined Overload from Garrus and a Warp from Jack causing the creature to stumble as the disparate energies splayed across rotten flesh, pulling apart meat and metal, energy flickering through its nearly redundant nervous system. Kaidan fired another salvo of rounds, peppering that almost impenetrable barrier as Kasumi blinked behind the creature, launching a devastating attack of her own against the Banshee's back, before cloaking away and reappearing on another part of the battle field.

Still, the monstrosity remained unfazed as it screamed pure hatred at him and with a flick of its spindly claws, threw a glittering purple-blue ball of energy at him. Fear knotted around his chest as he turned and cast a Reave at a group of Cannibals, draining their energy to strengthen his shields and barrier as the projectile finally struck. Despite the increased draw of energy, Kaidan felt the foreign Warp shriek through his protections, twisting the energy around him as his barrier strained to hold its form together. Scintillating blue continued to dance across his shrinking barrier and with a final groan, his barrier came crashing down, snapping away like a too tight string. The feedback shot through his amp and sent him stumbling as he gritted his teeth. The last of the energy died with its caster, the Banshee finally succumbing to the barrage of fire being rained down on it. Thankfully he'd had just enough time to use his Reave to steal additional strength to reinforce his barrier before that Warp had hit him. Otherwise, he'd have been in agony as the particles chewed through his armour.

"Major Alenko," EDI's blessed voice came through his earpiece, "I have succeeded in completing the desired task. Should Aria trigger the command, a secondary loop will form that should essentially sub-route along towards the self-destruct protocols of Omega."

"Thanks EDI," Kaidan breathed heavily, as the energy from the previous attack still tingled against him, "Prep the Normandy for emergency evac, this place is crawling and the sooner we leave, the better."

"Of course, Major Alenko," came EDI's pleased voice, "However, there is a... problem that I should probably notify you of."

"A... Wait, a problem that you _should_ probably-" Kaidan started to sputter.

"Yes. It appears that Aria's link to Omega's systems are more... complete than we initially predicted."

"EDI, what the hell does that even mean-"

"Aria's omni-tool. She can use it to trigger the EMP kill-switch," EDI reiterated, "However, that is not all that it can be used for. Should the system's self-destruct trigger, Major Alenko, it will send her the countdown for its activation. This is unavoidable and cannot be overwritten I am afraid. I have managed to bypass the confirmation, but once it triggers, Aria will surely become aware of our plan."

"Great, EDI," Kaidan muttered at the revelation, "Just... just great."

"I'm glad you thought so too, Major Alenko," EDI replied, once more pleased.

Kaidan wondered at the gynoid's growing sense of perverse humour as he shut down the link, turning to speak to Shepard about the new development when a strained shout came from the other end of the warehouses where Jack was holding up.

"Prangley, you piece of shit! Get your fucking ass back under cover!"

"With all due respect, ma'am, screw that!"

Kaidan watched as the injured, young, ex-Alliance biotic broke cover and rushed as best he could to cover Jack's flank, as the monstrous Brute surged out of nowhere, charging through the heavy crates and tossing them aside like broken toys. Prangley charged up his biotics in his fists, diverting power away from his barriers as he coupled a Shockwave and thrust it at the heavily armoured opponent, staggering it before it could breach Jack's wall of safety.

"This is for Rodriguez, you fucker!" the young man yelled in defiance.

Unfortunately, it was too heavy to be shifted very much and the reckless move only served to draw its attention away from Jack, who was beating down a squad of Marauders, and the Brute cast its malevolent gaze upon the staggering youth.

Kaidan yelled hoarsely for covering fire as he dove past Aria and toward the desperate fight, Prangley barely managing to dodge away from the creature's powerful grab. Without much thought, he willed his energy away from the substantial barrier around himself and Kaidan threw the energy into a small protective bubble just as the Brute lashed out, splayed claws bouncing off the wall of energy and sending feedback shocks through Kaidan's nervous system. He gritted his teeth as he poured more energy into the barrier, watching as Warps and Armour-Piercing rounds impacted the hard shell, twisting and grinding metal into scrap. Unfortunately, the Brute's final blow resulted as its corpse collapsed against the already fragile barrier that he'd set up and Kaidan groaned as the bubble collapsed, the huge amount of dead weight crashing atop the biotic he had been trying so desperately to save.

"Fuck!" Jack screamed, "Dammit, Prangley! Get the fuck back up!"

Without thinking, Kaidan manoeuvred quickly over to the fallen young man, breathing a quick and heavy sigh of relief as he saw that the young biotic had managed to twist out of the way at the last minute, only just managing to get one of his legs caught under the dead Brute, though the awkward angle suggested that the leg had snapped under the pressure.

"You alright, Prangley?" Kaidan huffed as he knelt down besides the pale, sweating young man.

"I... I'm fuh-- fine sir," Prangley mumbled as Kaidan used the enhanced strength granted to him by the motor servos in his armour, allowing him to shift the Brute slightly as Prangley pulled out his mangled leg with a dull shout. Kaidan dropped the creature, turning to assess the injury as his medical training rose to the fore. Not good, he thought, especially on top of the prior injuries and the amount of energy the young man had loosed during the reckless attack.

Kaidan triggered the medi-gel dispenser on his suit's arm, thrusting the injection module into the swollen, bruised leg and Prangley stifled a scream at the initial burn. Kaidan watched intently as the healing effects triggered almost immediately, washing away pain and mending broken bone and tissue at break-neck speed.

"Kaidan!" Shepard yelled from behind his position, "Behind you!"

He whirled as a glittering blue ball impacted the thin sheet of his barrier, barely recovered from the Brute's previous onslaught and he yelled as it crashed through, breaking through the barely-there resistance and smashing into his armour. His yelled turned harsher as the energies twisted and Warped his armour, metal shrieking and flailing against one another as the energy sought to reach deep into his flesh, felt the radiating spikes of pain stab through his skin as his armour continued to twist and grate.

"Aria! Take down that damned brute!" Shepard was shouting as Kaidan blocked out the world around him, struggling to dissipate the Warp that surged around him and bring up his barrier. His amp was beginning to heat up from the constant use, and it was another few seconds before he could start up another surge of biotic power.

"Dammit, Aria! I said take it down! Kasumi, Garrus. The banshee over there! Hurry!" Shepard snapped out, efficient military commands flying from the man as Kaidan slowly recovered from the assault, trying to bring up his barrier and drag the young man crouched beneath him to safety.

"Now, Aria, now!" was the last thing Kaidan heard as he watched a shadow loom up across the ground he was staring at, barely having enough time to stand and turn when another Brute sent its thick claws slamming into his shoulder, sharp points breaking through the Warp-weakened armour and piercing his shoulder, the tips emerging from the other side of his body. With a weakened shout, he tried to shove Prangley back toward the makeshift barricade as dark specks whirled around his vision and he blacked out.

*

Shepard yelled Kaidan's name as the Brute smashed into the man, the fear in his chest mixing with the seething hatred he'd felt toward Aria. That damn bitch, she'd just stood there, calm as you please, and had totally ignored his command.

Shepard hooked his Black Widow over his shoulder in a single, smooth motion, triggering his amp and letting a halo of biotic energy swarm over him. Kaidan fell against the beast's initial attack, almost toppling over the barely recovered Prangley and the Brute roared a challenging sound, triumphant in its victory. Shepard would change that.

The Brute raised it's other arm, crab-like pincers angling down to remove Kaidan's head from his body and Shepard pulled the energy into his body, letting it fly as the nodes of collected power burst, sending him forward faster-than-sound, a Biotic Charge pushing him toward the Brute in the blink of an eye. Shepard appeared in front of the Brute, the extra force from the charge being directed away from its user as the built up momentum and dark energy splayed from him in a corona of force. Shepard directed the energy, calmly sending all his power into pushing the Brute as far away from Kaidan as he could and he was rewarded as the force of his jump exploded from him, lashing out against the Brute and despite the massive weight and size of the monster, it flew back to crash into the metal floor, head dashed and scraped away as it slid to a stop bonelessly against a pile of dead Husks.

"Kaidan, Kaidan sweetheart, get up," Shepard murmured, trusting Garrus and Kasumi enough to take care of any large immediate threats. He felt his gorge rise as he took in the bleeding puncture wounds against the man's arm, the paler-than-usual face with its eyes closed and Shepard stomped down on the urge to pick up his lover and carry him back.

His hands flew across his omni-tool bringing up the resuscitation protocol that linked every team member's suits together and triggered the routine medi-gel application procedure, watched as the nano-machines in the suit expertly and meticulous applied the substance over the worst of Kaidan's injuries. The gel also contained trace amounts of stimulants, especially useful for helping people come quickly around after taking a hard fall, and almost immediately after the application, Shepard watched as Kaidan's eyes fluttered open and the man stared up at him.

"Am..., uh, is this heaven?" Kaidan muttered deliriously as the medication continued to work through him and Shepard let loose a tired chuckle at his lover's expense, both for the melodramatic question and for the knot in his chest that evaporated on seeing Kaidan alive and unharmed for the most part.

"No, Kaidan," Shepard said as he ran a gauntleted hand against the man's brightening cheek, "Not heaven. But close enough, I suppose."

"What," Kaidan coughed, working more air into his lungs, "What the hell was that, John? What happened?"

Shepard's face darkened as he remembered the Brute, now nothing but a pile of shredded meat and metal against he far side of the docks. And how none of this would have happened if Aria had just listened and helped him taken out the Brute. Kaidan wouldn't have had to go through what he did if Aria had just damn well listened. Well, it didn't matter now. Not for long at least.

"It... It was nothing, just a Brute, managed to catch you off guard," Shepard said lightly, "Probably couldn't resist that ass of yours."

"I, uh, really, John?" Kaidan sputtered as he stood, wincing slightly as he pressed a hand against his healing shoulder, "I mean, do you really think this is the best time for this?"

Shepard shrugged casually, "Can't think of a better time, actually."

Kaidan muttered something Shepard couldn't pick up, but he wasn't really paying attention. While Kaidan poked over the tears in his armour, Shepard cast a gaze over the smoking, battlefield, his meticulous gaze analysing and cataloguing the injuries, number of fallen and the time in between when the next wave would probably arrive. He nodded as the figures tumbled through his mind.

"EDI," Shepard spoke up at last, finger placed to activate his comm-system to the Normandy, "Get ready for extraction. We're firing the EMP."

"Yes, Shepard. However, I would be remiss in my duty if I did not seek the approval of Major Alenko. Is he otherwise incapacitated or unable to-"

"Relax, EDI. I-- I'm here. It's alright, I'm just a little... well, a little woozy," Kaidan cast a quick glance around the torn docks as well and nodded at the initial command, "Seems like now's a good time as any. Once Omega's power is shut down, bring in the Normandy on this location. We won't have much time."

"Yeah, well," came Joker's sudden sarcastic reply, "It's a pretty good thing you have the system's best pilot all primed and ready. I mean, you know, nothing to do here, 'cept maybe stare at the empty, glass walls. Oh no, the Reapers are here, what are we going to do? Yeah, right. And you know, I'd have liked a thank-"

"Joker. Later," Kaidan warned as he shut down the connection.

Shepard was already moving forward, not wanting to waste the precious seconds before the next wave of monsters crested out into the open before the Normandy arrived. He approached Aria warily, watching as the asari casually leaned against the crate she'd been using for cover and brushed off imaginary specks of dirt from her white, half-jacket.

"Aria, the Normandy's ready for pick-up," Shepard said blandly, "We're just waiting on you now."

"Well, it's about damn time," Aria said, grinning ruthlessly as she keyed the EMP countdown.

"Care to explain what that was all about just now?" Shepard asked conversationally.

"You know Shepard," Aria said, not deigning to look up, "If I didn't know you any better, I'd say you were making a wildly inaccurate accusation. But I _do_ know you."

"Oh really?" Shepard shot back, stepping forward and crossing his arms across his chest, eyebrows raised in a questioning manner.

"Of course. Our time taking back Omega during the war, proved to me, we're not that much different, you and I," Aria said as she keyed in the failsafe override, "It would have been a shame to see you turn the other way, but I can tell, you're not too easily influenced, are you?"

"No, you're probably right," Shepard admitted, moving away from Aria and pacing slightly as he waited for the system to initiate the EMP, "But that doesn't really answer my question, does it? What happened just now, Aria," Shepard barked, injecting some of his old commander's voice into the tone.

Aria's eyes flicked up from her omni-tool, gaze narrowed, but her mask shifted back into place as she turned to watch the code upload.

"What does it matter now, Shepard? You've saved your little toy soldier and everything worked out-"

"No thanks to you, I might add."

"Not like you needed my help. Besides, your... _friend_ Jack, needed some help with those Marauders she'd gotten attached to. Funny, maybe they go after the ones with less clothes on."

"And if you'd jeopardize the entire mission because of one deaf ear?"

"Grow the fuck up, Shepard. One little soldier falling down, won't topple an empire. Besides, I'd hardly think you'd miss him. There are plenty more where he came from surely. Don't they cast them out of the same mold in the Alliance?"

"That's not what I meant and you-"

"Warning, emergency override detected. Warning, Omega Self-destruct protocols initiated."

Aria's hands froze over her omni-tool, staring at the blaring warning that blinked repeatedly on the interface.

"Shepard, what the fu-"

She didn't get much further than that. As he paced, seemingly restlessly, Shepard manoeuvred himself behind the notorious crime lord while she was watching the initiation, and slipped a hand past her barrier, placing it just at the base of the head tendrils that swept up behind her head. With a barely perceptible flick of his hand, Shepard initiated a small-scale Shockwave, controlling the detonation so that it imploded just above Aria's neckline. The force of the blast was concentrated and close enough that it snapped Aria's head forward, slamming her right into the crate she was facing. The impact wasn't enough to seriously harm the woman, especially considering the barrier that was still up around her, but the closeness of the blast had knocked her out cold.

"No, Aria," Shepard chided to the still, unconscious form, "Not quite all from the same mold."

"John, what-" came Kaidan's voice.

"Don't worry about it," Shepard said, still looking at Aria's crumpled posture, "She'll be fine. I think. Anyway, the self-destruct warning came up. This just saved us a whole lot of trouble."

Kaidan ran a worrying hand over the back of his head as his gaze shifted between the still asari and Shepard who was standing so casually, arms crossed and looking at Aria on the ground.

"Um, John, I mean, was that really necessary? You could've, you know, maybe talked her down or..."

"Or what Kaidan? And if she didn't see things our way? If she recklessly considered herself before everything else? What then?" Shepard flared, finally looking up to meet Kaidan's gaze as the old anger and frustration welled inside him.

"That's not what I meant and you know it John, I-"

"It doesn't matter now," Shepard said, looking away as the distinct and tell-tale shape of the Normandy grew larger as it approached the docks. Watching the approaching ship as he did, he hadn't been prepared when Kaidan stepped forward and grabbed his shoulders, almost shaking him as he spoke.

"Dammit, John!" Kaidan said firmly, voice even more gruff than usual, "It _does_ matter. All this, everything, it... it isn't the way it's supposed to be. You've always been good at what you did, the best, but now? There's a ruthless side to you John, one that I haven't seen even during the worst times of the war."

Shepard half-heartedly tried to shrug away from the man, knowing full well that his physical enhancements would allow him to break Kaidan's hold easily, but deep down, despite everything, he knew he couldn't do that to Kaidan. Couldn't hurt him again.

_Yes... Hurt him... This hurts you, Shepard. Hurt him. Hurt you._

Shepard shook his head violently, trying to chase out the different voices rising as he tried to focus his thoughts, his mind.

"Let's go, Kaidan," Shepard said, still keeping his eyes on the Normandy as it slowed and began it's descent.

Kaidan lightly shoved off, pushing against Shepard in frustration as he refused to acknowledge the man's statement. Shepard turned and brushed an armoured toe against Aria's still form.

"Should probably bring her along," Shepard muttered to no one in particular, "Just to be sure," though he couldn't have said exactly what it was he wanted to be so sure of.

*

Kaidan watched as Shepard lifted the still unconscious Aria into the Normandy's cargo bay, a riot of emotions and thoughts shooting through him and leaving him bone weary and exhausted. His shoulder twitched in response, almost if to remind him that he'd been injured during the fight, and he mentally reminded himself to visit the med-bay when he found the time. James was carrying Prangley on board and Jack was fussing over the young biotic while Garrus was bringing in the pallet with the Prothean beacon, with the help of Cortez. Since everyone was busy, none had the view that he had as the warehouse offices _exploded_ , taking out most of the remaining buildings there. The sound stilled everyone for a moment, some turning back to look at the cause of the sound.

"EDI," Kaidan spoke into his comm-piece, "What the hell is-"

"It appears that we've made a miscalculation, Major Alenko," came EDI's reply, freezing the rest of his words.

"A miscalculation? What kind of miscalculation?"

"The technical nodes which were responsible for shunting and redirecting much of the energy build-up seems to be either malfunctioning, or are functioning at less than optimum levels. I would suggest haste. It seems that Omega won't be able to withstand the energy surge for as long as we thought."

With a yelled curse, Kaidan ran over to Garrus, ignoring the screaming pain in his shoulder as the barely healed scar tore again as he bunched his muscles up, trying to shove the pallet into the safety of the cargo bay.

"Joker!" Kaidan said into the empty air of the Normandy, knowing full well EDI was listening, "Get us the hell out of here!"

"Yeah, that's a good idea," came the pilot's sarcastic reply, "Oh wait! That's right, the cargo bay doors are freakin' wide open! I'm sure getting burned to death is a much better option than feeling your head explode out in space."

"Kinetic barriers!" Kaidan gasped as he felt fresh blood pour down from his re-opened wounds, "Just do it! EDI can close the doors once we've cleared the landing area."

"Aww, shit," Joker replied distractedly as Kaidan felt the Normandy lurch and shift, a thin, transparent shield popping up around the entrance as the last of them crawled through the opening, "This just takes the cake. Not gonna have you falling out into deep space, had enough commanding officers falling out of airlocks for one lifetime-"

Anything else he said was drowned out as the rest of the warehouses exploded, raining yellow-red flames and debris out across the air, several pieces actually managing to reach the cargo bay doors and ricocheting inside before clattering to stillness onto the floor. Horrible screams tore through the air and the thud of bodies sailing through the holocaust made his gorge rise. Risking a peek over his shoulder, vision already blurring, Kaidan watched as hundreds of Reaper minions poured out, unheeding of the fire and destruction around them as they surged toward the retreating Normandy.

"Now, Joker, now!" Kaidan yelled.

With an envious grace, the ship rose up off the dock moorings, practically turning a one-eighty on the spot as it nosed its way out of the cramped confines of the exploding docks and accelerated out toward the empty freedom of space. The kinetic barriers held, though the ships momentum had them stumbling back toward the lift doors. Despite the veritable vacuum of space, Kaidan felt the tremor as the station behind them collapsed and sent out a wave of silent force, jostling the protective barriers and shields that cloaked the Normandy sending several of them stumbling again. The doors were already halfway shut, everyone cleared away when the Normandy had accelerated away.

Kaidan felt the red heat dribbling down his arm as he leaned against the cool, metal floor of the ship. It really was a beautiful sight, he thought oddly, the sudden white ring of energy pushing them even faster out of the blast radius as the particles and streams of light dissipated quickly in the darkness. As Omega quietly and spectacularly broke into exploding pieces behind them, Kaidan's last thought before blood loss and exhaustion pulled a pale veil over his vision, was how on Earth he'd explain this to Aria and how pissed off she'd be at what they'd just wrought on her precious, broken kingdom.


	15. Understanding the Differences

"...not sure, unable to access more information. Problematic. Would be helpful if additional information could be provided."

Kaidan groaned slightly as the mechanical voice intruded into the mugginess that was clouding his head. He was feeling light-headed and there was a dull ache in his left shoulder, throbbing slightly against the familiar cooling waves that came from medi-gel application. He moved sluggish arms slightly, feeling the muscles twitch as they cried against his abuse, and he groaned once more, just for emphasis.

"Oh! Um, Comm-- Lieutena-- ermm... Oh dammit! Shepard! He's coming awake," a high pitched squeak sent ringing chimes rushing about his head. It wasn't that the sound was particularly unpleasant, it just... pierced through the fog in his brain as several points along his body throbbed in response.

He cracked open his eyes, the harsh light overhead stabbing into the ocular nerves and eliciting a slight wince as he blinked rapidly, trying hard to acclimatize himself to the penetrative intruder.

"Hey, Kaidan," came a very familiar, very welcome voice from his side, a warm hand softly resting against his heavy arm, "You're awake. You had us-- you had me worried there for a second."

Kaidan turned his head slowly, feeling his blood pumping faster through his system as he reoriented himself and thoughts began to trickle into his mind. There'd been a blast of some kind, Omega now nothing more than shattered debris and a comforting black blanket wrapping its soft tendrils over his head. The memories started to cascade through him, the cargo bay, Prothean beacon and Aria, Jack and Kasumi.

"What--" His throat felt parched, and his whispered question came out as more of a croak. Kaidan flicked his tongue out slightly, wetting his lips and forcing his mouth to work saliva and moisture through his dry throat passage.

The lights were beginning to normalize now, no longer the sharp fingers stabbing into his eyes, and he got up slowly, his head spinning slightly as vertigo and his aching body tried to rebel against his express desires.

He was in the med-bay, from the quick glance-over he'd given the room as he raised himself up, and Doctor Chang was bustling around the med-officer's table, going through a data-pad that she held in her hand. Jason Prangley lay prone on the medical table opposite from him, as the machines worked on the young man's damaged leg. He seemed to be asleep, bare twitches moving through his frame as the tech worked to mend broken bones and torn muscles. Kaidan turned toward the warm hand pressed against him and watched with relief as Shepard smiled up at him, glad for the other man's comforting presence as he tried to gather his thoughts. Kaidan swung his legs out over the side of the medical examination table, almost straddling Shepard's chest, feeling his vision swirl as the sudden movement left little spots appearing along the sides of his view of the room.

Shepard handed him a small container filled with water, and he gratefully accepted it, drinking greedily as his thoughts formed.

"What," he tried again, with much better success, "Uh, How long have I been out?"

"Not long," Shepard shrugged casually, plucking the empty container and placing it along the top of the table. Kaidan noticed a slight tightening around the man's haggard eyes, "Probably a few hours. You lost quite a lot of blood back there Kaidan. I was worried."

"You don't look particularly worried, John," Kaidan began, running a thumb along the other man's cheek.

"Gotta keep up appearances, Commander," Shepard replied with a wink, though Kaidan felt the hairs along his body stand up at the double meaning of the statement.

"Um, yeah... Well, how's everyone? Did we get the beacon secured?" Kaidan asked, quickly changing the subject, thumbs still circling around the other man's cheek.

Shepard leaned into the touch, eyes half-lidded as he ticked off the points.

"The beacon is secure and being... integrated. We managed to get a hold of Liara and we sent her a copy of the VI. Javik thinks he knows what he's doing, so we're taking that route and seeing if the transfer pans out."

Kaidan nodded absently, digesting the information but not really concerned with the implications. He had bigger fish to fry.

"How are the, um, new 'crewmembers' doing?" Kaidan asked as he worked the sore muscles in his legs and arm.

"Jack's holding up the best. She's grateful for the stunt you pulled back there with Prangley, though not _all_ of us are so relieved with that," Shepard concluded giving Kaidan an admonishing stare. He had the good grace to blush under the scrutiny, "Anyway, Kasumi's lurking around somewhere around the ship. I told the ensigns to bolt everything valuable to the deck. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if some things end up missing. She's adamant about leaving as soon as we make our next port of call. Can't imagine why she'd be so terrified about sticking around me."

Kaidan watched as the other man's mouth crinkled in mirth, let the silence drag on as he waited for Shepard to bring up the last addition to the group. When the man seemed content just to sit there and watch as Kaidan shifted along the medical table, he decided he'd pose the question instead.

"And... and Aria?" Kaidan asked, his imagination already creating a whole host of unrealistic but traumatizing scenarios.

"See for yourself," Shepard said, turning and shifting slightly so Kaidan could get a view of what was behind the man.

Aria lay prone on another medical slab, still dressed in the uniform that she was so closely associated with. A horrendous purplish bruise stretched along the base of her neck and seemed to leech into the base of her head tentacles, as well as staining along the sides of her neck before disappearing along her throat and jaw section. Kaidan winced in sympathy at the massive amount of bruising. Other than the injury that Shepard had inflicted on the alien, there was nothing else to indicate she wasn't in perfect health and nothing else to indicate why she was lying there so serene and sedate. Kaidan half expected her to wake under his scrutiny and dash a Kodiak-sized hole through the ship's hull.

"She's been sedated since we left Omega," Shepard said quietly as he tracked Kaidan's gaze, lingering slightly over the huge bruise-covered neck, "Wouldn't have been a good idea to leave her aware and awake in here with you. Not after what she picked up anyway."

"Yeah, thanks for that John, though I think maybe we should, I dunno, get her up and awake," Kaidan offered, not really pleased with the idea of a pissed-off warlord queen on his ship.

"It's your call," Shepard said casually as he turned back to look at Kaidan, "Personally, I think it'd be best if we kept her under till we reach... where ever it is we're heading to next. Then drop her off, leaving her none the wiser."

"That's... that's a little cruel, don't you think John?" Kaidan said as he weighed the options in his head, "I mean, throwing an angry asari of her reputation on a, um, unsuspecting world? Not really fair for the locals I'd imagine."

Shepard smiled slightly at that and Kaidan was glad for every one he could coax out of the man. He wondered whether Shepard had been resting enough or seen to; his skin was pinched and there were dark circles under the man's eyes that hadn't even been there during the advent of the Reaper war.

"So, I-- I guess we leave her under for now. I'll report to Hackett and see what he says about the, um, situation. Maybe she might be willing to, uh, you know, maybe not. Don't think I want her watching my six..." Kaidan said as he thought out loud, though he barely managed to cover a wince at recalling Shepard's harsh decisions and treatment of Aria. He'd put it behind him, it was over now. All that mattered was the cure, then everything would be back to the way it was. To the way _they_ were.

"I should probably, maybe go speak to the crew, compile my report to Admiral Hackett," Kaidan broke the silence that seemed to drag through the air, "I mean, ah, if that's alright with you, doctor?" Kaidan finished, turning to the woman.

Doctor Chang jumped slightly at being addressed, data-pad almost falling and clattering from her hands as she struggled to recover.

"Oh! Oh yes, yes. Blood work is... it's good! Really good," she babbled, earning her an endearing look from Kaidan and Shepard both, "I mean, nothing abnormal, no foreign... contaminants in the bloodstream. The, ah, the Mordin VI, well, it cleared it up anyway. Tested for alot of little things you wouldn't believe."

"So... I'm good, doctor?" Kaidan confirmed gently.

The woman nodded vehemently, the pad in her hand almost smacking itself against her chin.

"Yes! Very good, great physical biometrics by the way, off the charts-"

"You have no idea," Shepard whispered from behind him and Kaidan nudged him with his knee in return.

"Just, um... I'd like to maybe suggest you... take it easy, Major Alenko. Not too much physical exertions and all that. Make sure you get enough fluids, rest, food. If you want to that is..." Doctor Chang stuttered as she blushed furiously.

"That certainly sounds like a good recommendation," Kaidan responded, his stomach eagerly agreeing with him as it rumbled at the thought. His biotic usage had drained him of what little calories he'd managed to put on during his recovery after the war.

"Oh yes. Yes! Standard recommendation, you know? Alright. I'll have to, um, to see to our... your friend. Does she really have to stay here, Major? Shepard? She's... really quite frightening," Doctor Chang said as she trailed off in a hushed whisper.

"You'll be fine, doctor," Shepard boomed as he approached her, all smiles and exuding patience and care, "She's under, and as long as the IV is in her, her biotics won't burn up the drugs fast enough. Look, there are personnel right outside the window. In case of emergency, break the glass and hide," Shepard finished winningly as he placed a gentle hand on the woman's shoulder. Kaidan groaned at the idea of the demure, stuttering woman in front of him throwing her data-pads and folios at the glass in a fit of panic if Aria ever so much as twitched in her drugged sleep. He'd make sure the blame fell on Shepard and his so-called 'advice'.

Kaidan stood up and groaned slightly as his abused muscles protested the move, but he managed to catch his balance, the increased physical movements urging him to leave the med-bay and get some sustenance. Shepard joined him as he nodded to Doctor Chang in thanks, barely stifling a laugh as the woman kept her eyes locked onto the blue form taking up one of her medical tables, not even bothering to shift to him as he moved away. How on Earth had someone like her come so highly recommended by Admiral Hackett himself, Kaidan wondered idly as he and Shepard made their way into the elevator, especially considering the nature of their mission. The possibility that she'd have to encounter an aggressive life form was high and Kaidan hoped she wouldn't faint or freeze when the time came to get into the thick of things.

"Think I got most of the stuff worked out, John," Kaidan said as the lift pinged the CIC deck-level, "Probably best if I report to Hackett immediately."

Shepard nodded wordlessly in understanding, a slight glaze of disappointment shifting over his features.

"You should probably get some rest, maybe take a nap or a breather," Kaidan suggested gently.

"I'm not some-"

"I know, I know, John," Kaidan butted in, forestalling the outburst he knew his words would have, "Just... do it for me, okay? Or should I order you up to my cabin?"

Shepard's eyes gleamed at the sexual undertones and his mouth quirked up in his familiar, signature smile, "Hmm... Well, when you put it that way, _Major_."

Shepard snapped a sloppy salute, accompanied with a suggestive wink, and Kaidan couldn't help but chuckle at the familiar feelings and gestures that stretched between them. What he wouldn't give for these small, mundane, _perfect_ moments to be with him forever.

Kaidan stepped out as the elevators closed, and waited for several moments before walking up to Traynor, hunched over as she always was in front of her console just next to the CIC access. Sometimes, Kaidan wondered if the woman actually slept and ate or whether she'd bolted herself down onto the deck and merged her legs with the ship. Without doubt, if she'd have the option, Traynor might have been extremely willing to do just that, especially considering her past... interest with EDI.

"Traynor," Kaidan opened politely as he approached her.

"Ah, Major Alenko," the comm-specialist replied, turning her head to look over her shoulder without moving anything else, "I'm glad to see that you're awake. And doing much better it appears."

"Better and better," came his response, though his heart wasn't particularly in his words as his stomach's twitching and grumbling served as a counterpoint to the conversation.

"Well, there aren't any messages for you currently, Major," Traynor said, turning back to her work, "Though that might change once word gets out about Omega. I mean, really, who would've thought, the Reapers are still around! I know, there was that Husk on Thessia, but really Major, this is the first concrete piece of evidence that shows the-"

"Ah, actually," Kaidan interrupted, not wanting to get side-tracked, "I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something... else."

"Oh, why yes, of course, Major," Traynor said in surprise, now turning away from her personal console completely.

Kaidan fought the urge not to shift his feet under her quizzical scrutiny and clenched his fists tightly against the side of his body as he took a deep, quiet breath. He forced a smile on his face as he brought his gaze up to meet the comm-specialist's questioning look.

"Um... So, what are you doing now? Over here I mean," Kaidan asked, using a free hand to gesture behind the woman's console. Kaidan noticed that his hand shook ever so slightly from nerves though his voice remained pleasant and calm.

"What, this? Well, I'm sure it's nothing that you want to hear about right now, Major, just some comm stuff that you wouldn't be interested in..."

"Try me. I, ah, I have some background knowledge about... comm tech..."

"Really?" Traynor replied, disbelief and the hint of a smile playing across her features.

Kaidan moved up and stood next to her, taking a quick glance at the console while Traynor leaned back against the metal platform that supported most of the CIC's weight, just turning her head to follow him.

"Looks like information on the comm-buoys," Kaidan said as he tuned the display minutely, adjusting to take a closer look at features and data though most of it went over his head, "You're trying to reroute and link the major buoys that we've just recently visited in order to increase efficiency. Am I close?"

"Um, yes, that's the general gist of it," Traynor replied, looking slightly stunned at Kaidan's sudden interest and he detected what seemed to be a note of pleasure and pride in her voice.

"Well, I'd like to hear more," Kaidan said innocently as watching the linking theoretics between the system buoys.

"I... um, well, if you must know Major," Traynor said, turning to tap along the console, though she still sounded slightly puzzled-pleased with the direction of their conversation, "I've been working with EDI concerning re-establishing the link between all galactic comm-devices since the end of the war. A majority are still functional and working as they should be, but the energy release severely damaged those closer to the home system and frazzled the connection between some of the more distant buoys."

"Looks like you're linking as many buoys as you can toward those found in the Sol System," Kaidan observed.

"Ah, yes, well, with most of the inter-galactic system out of reach with Earth, the Normandy is one of only a few such innovations that can manage to reach back home, since we've integrated the experimental quantum entanglement communicators. I've been trying to link up multiple devices with the home system so that it'd be easier to just direct communications through to the-"

"Hmm. So the only reason the Normandy can reach Earth is because of our QEC?" Kaidan asked innocently, pouncing on the opening Traynor provided.

"Yes! It's amazing stuff, Major," Traynor replied eagerly, clearly getting into the swing of the discussion, "I mean the theories and factual data have been around for centuries, but it's only recently that we've managed to integrate it into a communication system that utilizes resonant particles."

Kaidan watched as the simulated systems and comm-buoys floated around Traynor's console, sending wired lines tracing through multiple points and he noted that a majority of them were being directed toward the Sol System.

"You know," he began slowly as he parsed out his words, "It's hard to believe that technology has only managed to get us so far. Um, I mean, if it fails or breaks down, it's almost guaranteed regression. It's a shame we don't have any back up alternatives, like what the, ah, Rachni share. I've heard their communication methods are... revolutionary," wincing slightly at the bluntness of his tact. Damn but he hated all this social manoeuvring.

Traynor didn't seem to catch his slight twitch, clearly swept up into another area that she was lustily intrigued about. Kaidan watched as her eyes shone at the mere mention of the word 'Rachni', and he thanked whatever deity was listening that he was around with Shepard during their retrieval of Grunt's Aralakh Company and the information he'd gleaned and filed away during the mission. Especially Shepard's explanation about Traynor's fascination with the species.

"Oh, Major, you have _no_ idea! I mean, the stuff we've been capable of is amazing, truly light-years ahead of what we'd have been able to accomplish on our own. But the Rachni completely sweeps that away! They've been around for tens of thousands of years, almost no concrete system of technological advancement or space-flight capabilities, but their knowledge of alien tech far surpasses our own."

Kaidan wanted to grin openly at the woman's obvious fervour with the subject, but he responded casually to the information and verbal onslaught by watching the screen still, almost absently looking through the data as his mind raced.

"Yeah, Shepard... I was there when Shepard first encountered the Rachni on Noveria. Liara was there as well," Kaidan said simply, throwing out a little nugget for Traynor to catch, "She was a lot smaller back then, talking about the 'soured songs'. 'Notes of darkness'. That sort of thing."

A silence stretched in the air and, wondering if he said too much, too obviously, he turned just in time to catch Traynor's wide-eyed, wondering stare as a strangled sound emitted from her open mouth.

"Y-- You, you were _there_ , Major? There when the Comman- when Shepard first met the Rachni?" Traynor gabbled, pure bliss and a little envy shining through her eyes.

 _Got her_ , Kaidan thought grimly.

"Yeah, I, um, I guess I was. With Liara, though she was a little... distracted at the time," Kaidan confirmed simply, not wanting to steer the conversation toward _why_ Liara had been present and how they'd had to resort to killing Liara's mother, Matriarch Benezia. It was like murdering a parent in front of their child's eyes and Kaidan didn't want Traynor focusing on that at the moment.

She didn't seem to notice that slight slip either as she turned toward her console and gripped the sides of the metal surface tightly, voice laced with emotion.

"If I'd have been there, god, the questions I would've asked," Traynor groused almost to herself, "I mean I'd've been useless on the mission, probably wouldn't have gotten anything accomplished, but oh, what I wouldn't give if I could just _talk_ to the Rachni. Just for an hour at least!"

"You, um, you could you know," Kaidan began hesitantly as she wound down, "Talk to them, I mean. I'm sure they're not that difficult to track down after the Crucible..."

Traynor snorted slightly, a delicate sound, as she turned back to him.

"Um, I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, Major, but I'd be searching for a _single_ Rachni, somewhere out there in the galaxy. I think I would've preferred a literal needle-haystack setting instead. This would be like searching for a needle... in a haystack the size of a skyscraper. Or a planet."

Kaidan turned his full gaze on her, willing her to believe in herself, "I'm sure if anyone can do it, you can, Traynor. I mean, I can't even imagine all the things we might learn from them. How to integrate their knowledge into our systems. It would be... might be another huge leap forward for us. And you'd have made it all possible."

"I... Um, I'm not really so sure about that Major," Traynor began hesitantly, reality burning through a little of the fog in her mind.

"Shepard isn't particularly forth coming with praise, Specialist Traynor," Kaidan said gently as he tried to use a little bit of flattery and charm, "But he mentioned that you almost single-handedly won us the war. Tracking Kai Leng, finding all those distress calls... the, um, the toothbrush."

"I wouldn't even know where to begin! I mean, this isn't some joy ride, gallivanting through the galaxy on some pleasure cruise! Uh, no offense Major..."

"None taken, Traynor. Just... just call me Alenko, alright? Besides, everybody needs a hobby don't they? I mean, in between the mission downtimes, the quiet time in space when the, uh, the work gets a little much. Would be nice to see what the Rachni have been up to after the war..."

"Well, I already have a hobby. Chess! Virtual Sim-games! Honestly Ale-- Major... Alenko... I wouldn't even know where to start..."

Kaidan tapped along on his omni-tool, almost in after thought, and sent a packet of information over to Traynor's console, a miniscule amount of data about everything he'd managed to dredge up about the Rachni, before, during and after the war. It had taken him an entire day to search for and compile the information, personal data, mission briefings and collected evidence, not to mention the little extra that Liara had managed to gather together, but he was hoping that it would pay off. The soft chime on the workstation indicated that it had received the file, and Traynor turned quizzically at the sound, face slowly turning pale as her voice lit up with excitement.

"I... Wait. What? Is that... But..." Traynor babbled as she stared at the streams of data.

Kaidan placed a soft hand on the woman's shoulder, forcing her to meet his eyes.

"Traynor, I think I'd like to know what happened to the Rachni too. Think of it as a... project, just between the two of us. It would be nice, being able to speak the queen in less... war-like settings. I'm sure we can both get a lot out of a simple meeting like that, don't you?" Kaidan willed the woman to listen, willed her to accept the information and start investigating the data about the Rachni.

"Um, I should... I mean," Traynor hesitated as her gaze shifted towards her work station and then back at him as her mind tried to rationalize her decision, "Yes, Major. I mean, Alenko. I think that would be a wonderful thing."

Kaidan clenched his mouth and turned his grimace into a grin as he stopped a huge sigh of relief from escaping his lips.

"Wonderful, Traynor. It'll be an interesting initiative. Well, I should probably go, speak to Hackett about the mission briefing," Kaidan rattled off, relief unhinging him slightly. He nodded amicably to the specialist as he made his way to the QEC next to the war room.

"Oh, and Alenko," Traynor brought up, waving a hand toward her terminal, "Thank you. For this."

Kaidan nodded and smiled at the woman before turning toward the entrance to the war room.

 _No,_ he thought to himself, _thank_ you _Specialist Traynor. One down, and just one more to go._

*

"Heya there, 'mmm, boy scout!" Jack's slurred shout echoed through the Port Observation-slash-recreation room as Kaidan entered, the volume of the greeting almost vibrating against his skin. Kaidan wouldn't be surprised if half of the ship heard the drunken yell and wondered idly if his new nickname would catch fire among the crew's wagging tongues as fast as Shepard's 'Loco' did.

He'd just completed his report to Hackett, as brief and uninteresting as he could have managed under the circumstances, and had basically outlined what had happened during their brief pause on Omega. The acquisition of the Prothean beacon, how it was being integrated into the original beacon they had acquired from Liara. The Reaper forces and the black-armoured stranger that had taken over and occupied the station a week before their arrival. They discussed confirmations, possibilities and scenarios, but Hackett had seemed grimly pleased that they'd managed to confirm the presence of at least one other Reaper pulling the strings in the background. He was mobilizing tac-teams and getting his communication experts working on tracking down the lone warship, but without much more to go with, it was a slim hope at best.

Kaidan had also mentioned the ensuing fire fight, Aria's desire to black-out the entire structure and leave it as a dangerous trap for any ship flying in for a safe haven and he'd detailed the loss of the station, the explosion that had resulted from a bypass leading to Omega's self-destruct activation. He talked about the inclusion of Aria on board, which got a worried response from the Admiral, and about how he'd try to convince Jack and Kasumi to join the crew, if only temporarily, though he didn't have much hope held out for Kasumi after Shepard's brief statement about the woman's preferences. Hackett had hesitantly agreed, supportive of the fact that maybe a greater number of familiar faces would slow down the degeneration of Shepard's psyche, but in truth, Kaidan needed all the firepower he could get if they were to face down a mysterious ringleader and hordes of Reaper forces. Jack seemed perfect for the job, though perhaps not when she was this drunk off her ass.

"C'mere an' join me... join me for a drink, Alenko," Jack said as she waved him in to sit next to her.

Kaidan felt only a little guilty at the movement, for taking advantage of Jack's lowered inhibitions to strong-arm her back onto the Normandy and for leaving Shepard alone, up in the Captain's Cabin.

"I, uh, what're we celebrating, Jack?" Kaidan asked politely as he gracelessly sat himself on the bar stool.

"Hah!" came her reply, an alcohol-ladened breath gusting into his face, "Dun... Don't need to drink to celebrate... We, uh, we're fuckin' biotics man! Can't get drunk enough for shit, sometimes, cause of our... mert... mertarbo... metabolims... Ah fuck you, Alenko! You know what I mean. Anyway, ryncol, great stuff..."

Kaidan's eyes widened at the mention of the toxic, Krogan alcohol. "Ah, Jack? You're drinking ryncol? I thought that stuff would kill you?"

"Not gonna fugg... gonna fuckin' kill me for shit. Asshole," Jack groused, pouring herself another glass of... something that looked like a mix of toxic blue, virulent green and violent purple. Kaidan felt the hairs on his neck stand on end just watching her down the entire thing in one go.

Jack coughed violently as the mixture went down and Kaidan wondered if a call to the med-bay would be a pre-emptory and prudent decision.

"Ah, god, that fuckin' stings like hell. Feels fuckin' fantastic though. Here, you wanna try some?" Jack asked, prepping another glass of the seemingly radioactive substance.

"I'll pass," Kaidan responded diplomatically, hands raised, "Um, no drinking on duty and all that, um, kind of thing."

"Ah Alenko," Jack said good-naturedly pushing up against him and almost sending him off the barstool, "You need to take... take those purse, outta your balls, and... and shove 'em up your ass." Jack finished with a cackle, Kaidan surreptitiously rubbing the left shoulder she'd punched him in and the still-fresh scar there. Well, he wouldn't have expected her to know anyway.

Kaidan got up as he tried to avoid the swooning woman, making his way over to pick up a more sedate, Earth-beer and leaned against the bar top as he studied Jack, who was swirling her empty glass with surprising dexterity.

"You know, you'd actually be fun to be around, if you weren't... wasn't... weren't such a tight-ass," Jack said absently, "Problem with the Alliance kids now a days, don't... don't know how to have fun and shit. Loosen up. Like that fucking Prangley," Jack said slamming her fist against the countertop and almost making Kaidan jump back, "Fucking retard fuck dick. Piece of shit, he should have known better. Should've known better..."

Kaidan winced in sympathy as Jack slammed another fist against the table. So this was what the drinking was all about, the lost members of her 'squad', her kids, that had died under her watch while they were on Omega. It wasn't something that Kaidan was comfortable bringing up or considering, especially since he had quite a close relationship with some of the students that had been under his care, but he'd never heard so much raw hurt in Jack's voice before.

"Did I, we... Did I tell you about Grissom, boy scout? I, uh, I know you weren't there with us... Shepard told me about the Mars ark... arc... about Mars. You got beat up and shit. Wouldn't have known what to do if Shepard hadn't shown up when he did...."

"I heard you held up pretty well, Jack," Kaidan said honestly, especially considering what he'd heard about a bunch of untrained students holding off a full Cerberus assault.

"Di'n't do so fuckin' good actually," Jack shot back, trying to tip the empty glass back into her mouth, "Rodriguez got shot in her arm, stupid girl. I kept telling her, I told her, keep those barriers up. Always keep the barriers up. Then no one can hurt you..."

Kaidan tried to make seem as if he were being a listening ear, intently focusing on the beer he held in his hands, but he couldn't help the morbid fascination with Jack and what the woman was saying as realization struck him

 _She's like me_ , Kaidan thought, _so much like me it's ridiculous_.  _Just a few chances off, but it might've been someone I could have become._

If life had been cruel and diverted the path that he had walked in the past, he'd have probably ended up just like the sad, drunk biotic sitting in front of him now, but in all probability he'd have been an even more broken shell of a living person. Kaidan could empathize, so strongly, with the words of anger and frustration Jack was spewing out, and aside from a few, minor differences, it would have seemed that their situations were practically mirrors of one anothers. Which was a frightening thought, in and of itself, but it also made Kaidan appreciate how much he'd changed and grown since his time in BAaT. Especially grateful for the solid, collected, _caring_ presence that he'd gotten so close to, and discovered so suddenly, in Shepard during the SR-1 run against Saren. Kaidan shuddered slightly at the recollections and internal retrospection he was having, not bothering to listen to Jack's own laments as he visited painful and pleasant memories from his past. That was until Jack threw the glass she'd been holding at his chest. It clattered noisily to the ground, thankfully shatter-proof and shock-proof.

"What the hell-" Kaidan growled out.

"You're not here, you piece of shit!" Jack vented as she tried to find another glass, whether to throw at him or pour another drink, he'd never know, "Anyway, you're the... you're Commander of this flying freak-show huh? So, I fuckin' asked nicely, what the hell are you going to do with us?"

Kaidan tried to replay the conversation in his head, but couldn't seem to recall what exactly she'd asked him before that point either, and he cursed himself for losing control that way and letting his thoughts wander when he was here for a specific reason. Still, she'd given him the opening he needed...

"Prangley... um, Prangley's doing better. Much better," Kaidan hastened to add as Jack narrowed her eyes threateningly, "Doctor Chang mentioned he should be up in a few, um, in a few hours. The bones and muscles have mended surprisingly well."

"That... that's great," Jack gushed out, relief relaxing her smaller frame slightly, "Probably shouldn't tear him a new asshole until he gets a little better..."

"Probably a good idea to wait a little," Kaidan agreed as he tipped his beer to wet his throat.

"So, what's the deal, boy scout," Jack brought up, sounding unnervingly sober suddenly, "Don't tell me you came all the way here just to cheer me up. I know you Alliance types, always got some fuckin' ace hiding up your sleeve."

"Well," Kaidan responded slowly, not wanting to prove the woman right, "I was, uh, wondering if you'd like to reconsider re-joining the Normandy. Just for a little while."

Jack shook her head vehemently. "Fuck you," she replied succinctly, "And fuck that shit. I did my time with the Alliance. I left it for a reason. First stop you guys are making, I'm taking Prangley and we're getting the fuck off this hell ride."

"Shepard's indoctrinated," Kaidan said quietly, stilling Jack's continual stream of expletives and protests.

"We... What? Shepard's what? What the fuck..." Jack muttered at the revelation. Kaidan thought she'd summed it up perfectly.

"I could, um, probably show you all the evidence, all the information," Kaidan said, still trying not to make the situation sound any more desperate than it was, "But, yeah, Shepard's indoctrinated. He's barely holding it together and he... I could really use your help, Jack."

Jack watched him warily, cursing at random while clenching and unclenching her fists, like she'd really like to smash something into pieces. Or him, for that matter.

"Look," she said finally, "Shepard's done alot for me alright? You've... helped. A little. But you assholes don't get it. I'm done, I'm fuckin' done with all this shit. I had a pretty fucked up childhood, I was a screwed up person after, I just..."

"Y'know, I actually get that," Kaidan said quietly ignoring Jack's harsh glare being directed at himself, "I... didn't really have the best childhood either. Biotics aren't seen as anything more than freaks, strange monsters to cage away from the rest of society."

"Yeah, well," Jack shot back, trying to work up her bravado and gain back some equilibrium, but Kaidan knew better than that. Once he knew what to look for, he could spot the cracks in her armour easily enough, "You obviously don't have shit compared to what I went through Alenko. You wanna talk rough? How about we fuckin'-"

"Jack, I'm not here to trade horror stories with you. I just want you to know, I understand. And that I'm here, asking you for your help."

"I... Fuck. I don't understand you people. I just-"

"Major Alenko," EDI's voice suddenly shot through the tension, cutting it like a knife, "I believe your presence would be necessary in the Captain's Cabin."

 _Shit_ , Kaidan thought as he pushed himself off the wall, hastily making his way over to the door and the elevator. He turned back just before he moved out of the portal and out of sight.

"Jack, please, just think about it," and with that, the door shut and he made his way over to the elevator asking EDI for information and impatiently waiting as she told him what Shepard had been doing.

*

The door hissed open almost silently as Shepard stepped forward. Damn but he hated getting left in the lurch, and despite everything he'd been through, every admission he'd given, it hurt feeling so left out of the daily practices of what had, until only recently, been his ship. His command.

Shepard shook out the disturbingly unnatural thoughts, afraid of what they were foretelling. He'd never felt bitter about anything like that before, he told himself adamantly, and he certainly didn't begrudge his lover nor his crew mates their positions and roles aboard the ship. What he needed, what he wanted was calm. And perhaps a bit of peace.

He sat quietly, still fully dressed and crossed his legs over one another on the couch that faced the wall-wide aquarium. Samara, Liara and even Matriarch Aethyta had spoken to him about the meditational practices that asari biotics went through and though they'd all agreed that the techniques would not be remotely effective when applied to human biotic physiologies, still it brought some measure of comfort to him when he'd pushed to learn from them. They'd given in, with varying degrees of interest, and while Shepard hardly used them, he thought that with his mind in the state it was, now was probably the perfect time to re-explore old, lost ground.

Shepard sat, feeling the tightly bunched muscles in his legs, the pulse beating against his skin as he closed his eyes and triggered his amp, feeling the first delicious tingling of energy as it licked out and caressed the back of his neck. The energy was unpredictable and violent at times, wanting to burst out and cover his entire body with power, but he focused, turned ever inward and let his mind flatten itself into a state of calm as he used pure will to individually loosen his mnemonic nodes. The energy stream emitting from him was constant, and his pulsed slowed as he controlled his body, setting the stage for the quieting of his thoughts.

It was dark. Peacefully, blissfully insensate, and he could barely feel the rustle of clothing, the tingling from the amp and the semi-soft cushions of the sofa as his back straightened, body moving of its own accord. He stood on a vast field of stone, an empty, misty place that was how he'd always envisioned his deepest and inner-most thoughts. He took a breath, well it was all within his mind anyway, and marvelled at the peace and the tentative silence around him. Calmness. Solidity. He took another relaxing breath as his mind began to pace idly through the mental exercise.

The misty field swirled around him, bumping up and pushing against a dark shadow at the very edge of his mind, a figure he'd never seen before and hazy in outline, not allowing him to recognize any of its features or body.

_Shepard..._

No, no. Not here. Not now.

_Look at you, Shepard. I guess it's finally taken its toll. Everything._

"What do you want!" Shepard yelled into the empty space, frustration and anguish bleeding into his mind's voice, "What the hell do you want with me?!"

_Your mind. Your... everything. You. We want you. Broken. And alone._

Shepard pushed for stillness, pushed for calm as he pulled up the deepest reserves within his body, trying to will himself into a peaceful forgetfulness and ignore the taunting words.

_Commander... Commander... Shepard. Help. Help us. We need you. Need you broken. Broken and alone. Alone and dead. Dying. Do you think you can help them? Help yourself?_

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Shepard repeated over and over to himself, feeling the painful tugging along the edges of memory. His thoughts betrayed him and he cursed wordlessly as the figure stalked forward, running a dark, misty hand over his skin in a frighteningly gentle caress.

_You don't know. You will never know. And now, you are. You will be. Ours. Mine. Mine._

"Shut the fuck up!" Shepard yelled, slashing his hands through the mist as he tried to cut the figure out of his mind, but like the vapour that surrounded it, his arms merely flowed through the shape standing before him. He blinked as it shifted around him, appearing at random, just at the edge of his vision. Maddeningly out of reach, but always there. Calm, he needed calm. Order.

_No. Never. Now. Always now, you will break. You will suffer alone._

_No, never alone. Not alone, we will guide you._

_Do not listen. Help us, save us. Be one with us._

_You do not understand, come. You are here now, you will be there soon. Come._

_Wait. Patience. The key is close. You can find it, to do otherwise will be pain._

_Yes. Pain. Suffer, suffer. So sweet, the songs of anguish. Torment._

"Shut up! Shut up!" Shepard raged in his mind and he lashed out incoherently, fists trying to make contact with anything he could, feeling the nothing that braced up against him. He need to hurt it, to stop it from hurting him. He lashed out, wanting to hit the dark figure as it materialized around him, needing to feel something real against his fist.

"SHUT UP!!" Shepard howled as he threw the strongest punch he could.

_There are worse things than death. Than dying. You will know them soon._

Shepard's fist connected with the aquarium's glass, the reinforced material no contest against his enhanced strength and instantly the contact brought him back into his body, into the real world were he was within the Normandy. In the cabin. The force from his punch shattered the glass, sending a wave of water over him as glittering fragments of crystal clattered all around him, shards breaking and crunching under him as he slumped wordlessly against the metal and howled his pain, the soul-wrenching madness that was slowly eating him alive.

*

Kaidan stepped into the cabin just as he heard a guttural, animal sound emerge and he rushed in, preparing for the worst. He wasn't particularly disappointed.

Shepard lay slumped against the base of the aquarium, the kinetic fail-safe barriers already up and keeping a majority of the fish and the water within their habitat. The rest was poured over the man, the floor, small bits of glass mixing with the wetness that slicked over the floor. Kaidan stumbled as he _ran_ , flat out, towards his lover and tried to drag him away from the position, feeling his heart tear as he heard the moaning sobs erupt from the man's mouth.

Shepard's shove hit him right in the chest, sent him stumbling back and he instinctively snapped up his barrier in response.

"John! John, I'm here. It's me, Kaidan. It's Kaidan," he voiced strongly over and over again as he tried to get a handle on the violently thrashing, sobbing man. Each action, each rebellion against comfort dug deeper into Kaidan and he could feel little pinprick stabs building up at the sight of his lover in such torment. Taking a risk, he timed himself and leapt at the other man, carrying him down onto the ground and hoping his barrier would be able to repulse any attack that Shepard might initiate.

Kaidan did the only thing he could think of, the only thing he wanted to do and pulled Shepard close into him, hugging the man tightly to him as he poured out his useless lamentations, stroking the man's head, his neck as his mouth pressed up against Shepard's ear and kept whispering into them, trying desperately to drag him out of whatever pit he was falling into.

"John, please. I'm here. Please, stop. It's alright, it's alright," Kaidan repeated feeling utterly useless in the moment. He just had to wait for the attack to pass, that was all. That was all.

The sounds coming from Shepard dwindled down and turned into hiccupping sniffles, the struggling against his chest and torso weakening as his lover pulled himself back more strongly into the present.

"Kai... Kaidan?" Shepard asked weakly, blank eyes trying to get a fix on him.

"Shhh. Shhh... It's alright, I'm here, John. It's me, Kaidan," whispered again, needing to reassure Shepard and himself.

"Major Alenko, Shepard's biometrics indicate that the advent of cardiac arrest has passed. His mental functions have appeared to lower into acceptable ranges," EDI's voice chimed in from around them, respectfully quiet.

Kaidan looked up and nodded silently as he felt tears building up in his eyes. Thank god, the worst was over. It was going to be okay.

Kaidan pressed a gentle kiss into the other man's head, trying to lever them both up while keeping Shepard pressed as close as possible to his warmth and his body.

"John, you're wet. Soaking wet. Let's get you out of these clothes and-"

"No! Please, don't. Don't go Kaidan. Please, I... I need you here. With me. Don't leave me. Please." The words tore themselves out of Shepard's throat and Kaidan felt his heart thud even faster in his chest at the vulnerability and openness of them. It was almost impossible to equate this huddling form in his arms to the strong-willed, powerful and charismatic individual who had saved the galaxy. His heart ached and burned for the loss.

"I'm not going, John. I'm right here. Don't worry."

"God, it hurt. It hurt so much. So many voices, Kaidan."

Kaidan felt fear, true fear, ratchet up his spine at the words and he prayed fervently for a little more time, prayed for Shepard to hold on just a bit longer.

"You're covered in water and glass, John. Are you sure you don't-"

"No! Please, don't go. I need you here, with me. Just stay, and I'll be fine. Please."

That last word, so laced with yearning and need, settled the issue as far as Kaidan was concerned. He pressed another fierce kiss into the man as he tried to pull them both up from the sopping floor.

"Alright, I'm here. But, bed John. Get to the bed and lie down. You need to rest."

"Bed. Sounds good," Shepard replied tiredly, so tiredly, and Kaidan felt his heart wrench as he stumbled along, half pulling, half dragging his dazed, aching lover onto the soft, comforting warmth of the bed.

Kaidan pulled away slightly, trying not to register the desperate sounds of want coming from Shepard as he did so, and quickly and efficiently pulled off the damp clothes, stripping him down to bare skin as he did the same for himself, carelessly tossing the soiled articles of clothing into a pile on the wet floor. He dragged Shepard up to himself against the pillows and hugged his shivering lover tightly as he twitched and flinched with every movement and sound. Kaidan snuggled up as close as he could, trying to transfer some of his warmth over to Shepard as he used his foot, then his hand, to pull up the covers around them.

Kaidan watched with veiled dread, feeling it loosen slowly, as Shepard murmured and eased his movements, his breathing. Watched as Shepard pushed himself back up against Kaidan's body heat and pulled his arms more tightly across his stilling form as Shepard's breathing eased out over the painful minutes and turned into the more even pace of sleep.

Kaidan stroked the man's short hair, watching wearily as his thoughts bubbled and feelings rampaged through him. He couldn't take much more of this. _They_ couldn't take much more of this.

"Major Alenko," EDI whispered quietly and Kaidan glanced down to make sure Shepard hadn't been awakened by the sound.

"Yes, EDI?" Kaidan whispered back in response, still not leaving Shepard alone. He was physically and mentally exhausted once more and the thought of curling up and joining Shepard in slumber was looking to be a very good one.

"Call from Rannoch. Tali has found the beacon, as Liara directed," EDI replied softly, "Would you like to respond or shall we make way to Rannoch?"

"Rannoch, get us there as fast as you can. He doesn't have much time left, EDI," Kaidan replied hoarsely. Thankfully, at least a little was going his way, he hoped.

"Of course, Major Alenko. Shall I send an ensign up to clear away the debris?"

"No. It's fine EDI. Just, we'll take care of it later."

Kaidan waited a heartbeat for her response, then turned away as he snuggled up closer to Shepard, hearing the other man's breathing hitch as he drew in. Kaidan struggled to stop the tearing in his chest at watching the love of his life suffer so much, but all he could do was be here for the man as much as he could while he tried to find a way to save him. Save Shepard, stop the last Reaper threat, and hopefully not botch up everything else in the process. A tall order, but he hoped that he could count on the performance of his crew until then.

His muscles ached as his breathing slowed, his muscles and his mind, the twinges barely registered as he closed his eyes and felt the warm underneath his arms shift slightly. He wouldn't let go, Kaidan thought to himself as sleep claimed him, he would never, ever let Shepard go.


	16. The Silhouette in the Sky

"Um, Major. I mean... really? What the heck is that... thing?" Joker almost whispered disbelievingly.

Kaidan fought the urge to scrub at his eyes as he stared at the holo-projection from the Normandy's forward optical sensors as they slowed their approach toward the ruggedly beautiful, tan world of Rannoch. He clamped his jaws together and gritted his teeth as the muscle along his face pulled and stretched, tightening as they sought to project out an unprofessional, but uncontrollable, yawn.

Kaidan had not been sleeping well.

That much was obvious at least, from the frayed nerves, almost-rough way that he'd been reacting to the other crew-mates on board and the ever growing dark smudges under his eyes. He didn't really think it was worth thinking about but every morning he'd gotten up, he swore that he could see a growing number of silver strands frustratingly waving back at him in the mirror. Which only added more fuel to his pent-up frustration and ire burning within him. Damn but he hated feeling this old and this tired, not to mention Aria menacing's presence on the ship. The only fact that she was outnumbered several-to-one was keeping her in check. Not to mention she'd be blow up together with the ship if she tried anything.

"It's um, well..." Kaidan said haltingly, "I guess you could call it a... big, metal moon?"

"The Normandy's scanners are having difficulty in... penetrating the superstructure and any attempt I have made have resulted in failure," EDI said primly. Kaidan wasn't too sure but EDI sounded rather petulant today, and was it just him or was she actually grimacing at the huge construct that encompassed most of the cockpit's holo-screens.

Joker snorted in response. "Yeah, right. Big, metal moon? Hovering over a planet like that?" He turned around and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Kaidan and then leaned back to whisper theatrically, "Am I the only person on this ship that's seen the preserved holo-vids from the twentieth-century? I mean, seriously, first we had AI platforms running around, probably trying to turning us all into living batteries, and now? Peew, peew!"

Kaidan sighed indulgently as he let Joker's tirade wash over him, not really concerning himself with the content of the man's words as he his mind wandered between the ominous looking sphere hovering over the recently reclaimed quarian planet and Shepard's constantly worsening condition. They'd made it to Rannoch in record time, something that Kaidan would always be grateful for, and word of Shepard's... infirmness had been spreading quietly like an illness. Questioning looks from ensigns, worried faces peering up as Shepard blindly stalked the halls of the ship, one fearful young woman who had shrieked, literally shrieked, when Shepard had walked up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. They were all adding up, putting more pressure on an already delicate bind and almost every single minute of Kaidan's waking hours were plagued with the worry that soon, it would be too much, and that fragile thread that kept Shepard in check would snap and the whiplash would leave its mark on all of them.

"So, um, what should we do, Major? We gonna ignore that hovering, steel meteorite, 'cause you know, that's always a good idea, or should we just head down to Rannoch? Do the quarians even _know_ what's floating around up here, taking up their atmosphere and stuff?" Joker asked, interspersed among his usual attempts at sarcasm.

Kaidan continued to stand, unnervingly silent, as he studied the display. If it really was some kind of super-weapon, it might be prudent to assume that the planet might be under crisis or at the very worse, the quarians had been wiped out. There were no transmissions, that EDI could detect anyway, between the planet and the strange structure and all attempts to hail communication with the orb had met with eerie silence. Kaidan had instinctively put the order out that communications be kept away from Rannoch while they actively scanned for distress calls or emergency broadcasts, but so far? Nothing.

"Take us down, Joker," Kaidan whispered quietly as the scratching worry at the back of his head grew stronger and stronger.

*

An attempt at a stealthy landing and a frantic quarian hail-signal later and the Normandy silently lowered herself down alongside several quarian liveships on a vast open plain of hardy rock and scrubs. Kaidan was already standing in the cargo bay throughout the landing procedure and he tried to avoid casting worried glances to his side where Shepard was similarly armoured up and looking out toward the rising Rannoch sun.

They had just sealed the external heat-sinks and were making a silent run toward the rough co-ordinates that Liara had supplied to them in the information that she had provided and had broken through the cloud cover when an urgent message was patched in to Traynor's communication work station. She had immediately redirected it to the cockpit and Kaidan had partially grimaced and blushed at the desperate quarian inter-stellar ship co-ordinator trying to get anyone, anyone at all, to respond. The ISC had calmly, Kaidan was sure the translucent, quarian face plate hid the man's nerves and worry, told them to please state the nature of their unanticipated arrival, why they were breaching secure Rannoch atmospheric airspace without official clearance and that perhaps quarian artillery wouldn't mind shooting them out of the sky if they continued on their present trajectory.

So maybe the planet hadn't been under attack from a giant, metal sphere. Damn Joker for putting those thoughts into his head in the first place.

"Ah, greetings! Humans I see? And turian?" the quarian at the foot of the cargo bay's ramp spoke up at them, "If you'd be so kind as to approach the administrative offices so that we may register your vessel, I'd be happy to-"

"We're here on urgent matters," Kaidan interrupted, not having the energy to put up with the logistical nightmare that was looming up at him, "Is, um, is Tali around? We need to speak with her. Urgently."

"Tali?" the quarian asked inquisitively, cocking his head to the side, "Hmm. There are many 'Talis' around. While not a particularly common name, many of our younger folk tend to have abbreviations of their more proper-"

Shepard surged forward, muscles propelling him into the dusty, stone of Rannoch as he made a standing jump from where he was standing on Kaidan's side, effortlessly landing beside the startled quarian and grabbing the man's enviro-suit in one hand, bringing the face-plate right up against Shepard's own expressionless face.

"Admiral Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy," Shepard bit off carefully, tone barely rising, "Perhaps you've heard of her?"

"John!" Kaidan almost yelled, barely having the time to react to the sudden outburst let alone run down the length of the ramp to pull Shepard away from the startled, shaking quarian.

The harassed alien was attempting to maintain his demeanour and was plucking at the bunched up fabric around his collar though Kaidan could see from the shaking three-fingered hands that the man was anything but calm.

"Ah, I... Admiral Tali'Zorah. Yes, she's out at one of the quarian ruins. She asked that anyone looking for her be directed there. Sir. I... I can send you the co-ordinates."

Kaidan nodded gratefully at the information and as soon as his omni-tool registered that he'd picked up the information packet, the quarian all but flew away from the two of them as he made an undignified scramble towards the gathered quarian vehicles that had been spread out among some makeshift buildings. Kaidan sighed as he watched the man run, turning at last to address Shepard.

"John, what the hell was that?" Kaidan hissed, trying to draw the man back into the Normandy.

Shepard shrugged non-committedly, clearly putting the incident out of his mind. "We were in a rush. He didn't seem very inclined to follow our lead, so I... hastened things along."

Kaidan managed to bite back the immediate reply that bubbled in the front of his mind, about Shepard changing and how this wasn't like the man he'd served with during the war. They'd already discussed this countless times over the past several days and he didn't want Shepard blowing up in his face yet again.

"We could've gotten some information out of him at least," Kaidan groused.

"And how would that have helped?" Shepard offered as he shrugged again, "It might've taken a few years to pull any information out of him. At least."

Kaidan ran a hand along the back of his neck, a nervous habit that he noticed he had picked up from his lover.

"I, uh, maybe it'll be better," Kaidan hesitantly offered, "If you, um, you know, stayed on the ship. Just for this one."

Shepard casually batted the suggestion aside as he stalked up the cargo ramp, forcing Kaidan to pull himself along in the other man's wake. "I'm fine Kaidan, really. It's just... he was pissing me off. That's all."

Kaidan forced the urge to beat some sense into Shepard back down into the dark corner of his mind where such ideas spawned, though the more he considered the idea, the more desirable it was beginning to be. Kaidan knew Shepard wouldn't do anything to jeopardize his position and certainly wouldn't do anything that would harm himself or the rest of the crew, though he wondered at the wisdom of allowing an unhinging Shepard along for this next mission. Shepard would listen if Kaidan forced the issue, he knew, though neither of them would be too happy with the end result and the consequences on their relationship.

Kaidan quickened his pace, moving forward and overtaking the brooding man as he walked up to a slightly amused Garrus. Kaidan sighed as he considered that perhaps he was over thinking things. Despite what he'd previously told himself, he'd known about how desperate the situation had become during the apex of the war with the Reapers and Shepard had done some uncharacteristically brutal things that he'd glad been ignorant of at the time. With all the pressure he'd been forcing onto himself, maybe it wasn't Shepard's growing renegade streak that was the problem but his own controlling nature that was starting to wear down on his already burdened lover.

"Steve, prep the shuttle please," Kaidan said as he walked past Garrus and over to the pilot, "Garrus, Shepard and I are heading out. I'll send you the co-ordinates," he concluded as he turned a telling look at Shepard.

Shepard started slightly at the scrutiny, no doubt expecting to be ordered to remain ship bound, but the slight smile of gratitude was enough to return some of Kaidan's tattered confidence back to him. Kaidan wondered, not for the first time, if his single-minded regard for Shepard and the love that they shared had been constantly guiding and influencing his decisions on last several missions, and that worrying thought always kept him second guessing himself. Shaking away the dark turn in his mind, he nodded once to Steve as they clambered on board. There would be time for introspection when this was settled, once and for all.

*

"That looks like a suitable spot," Steve quipped as they neared their destination.

Kaidan watched as the Kodiak lowered its speed and its altitude, swerving around the mild rock protrusions that stuck up off the grounds and the sides of weathered cliff faces. Rannoch was a scrubland, naturally rugged and rocky, though he remembered Tali mentioning that there had been lush, paradise forests, beaches of the purest sand and a whole host of fauna and flora that had flourished at the peak of quarian civilization. The soft peaks gave way to another vast field, peppered with snaking marks that reminded Kaidan of dry riverbed formations and meandering roads, which was a wonder considering the quarians hadn't been on Rannoch long enough to have left such an impact. A small, muddled spot formed along the panoramic view that took up the entirety of the Kodiak's interior screens and rapidly gained size and form as they drew nearer. It was a temporary almost nomadic-style series of dwellings, quickly-erected round tents made of some unknowable fabric and other structures that didn't look to be permanent. Several excavation machines were littered around the area and Kaidan continued to spy small figures that walked among and around the islands of calm within this temporary 'camp'.

It was hectic. Mostly quarians and a sprinkling of other alien races were dotted throughout the area, moving pieces and operating machinery. Kaidan spotted several salarians hunched over a large data-console, discussing and gesturing at seemingly random points on the display. Two blue-skinned asari dressed in light, elegant clothing were speaking to a turian and another asari dressed in red, when one of the ones dressed casually pointing up at their approaching shuttle. The four of them moved to a much larger pavilion of some kind that straddled the side of a large excavation site, the tell-tale greenish metal of Prothean architecture poking up out of the crevice. It was an impressive sight, especially considering how long they'd been here and once again he marvelled at Liara's seemingly inexhaustible resources when it came to calling up for support and resources.

"Set us down there, Steve," Kaidan said, pointing out a large flat area close enough to the camp to make it a convenience while making sure they would stay away from obstructing the busy comings and goings of the camp lifestyle.

"Roger that, Major," Steve replied as he gently turned the Kodiak, expert motions and sure grip efficiently steering the shuttle down onto the bare soil just at the edge of the camp.

Kaidan moved away from the cockpit, leaving Steve alone to finalize their descent as he walked back to the slightly less cramped confines of the shuttle's hold. Kaidan waited patiently as he felt the motion of the shuttle as it lowered itself and he ran through his usual pre-mission checklist, ammo pouches, weapon systems, priming his omni-tool. It was comforting, though mostly unnecessary, and Kaidan always took comfort in familiar, repetitive motions.

The Kodiak settled with barely a lurch and the door immediately slid upward, revealing the bright Rannoch sun high overhead as two Geth Primes stood, armed and waiting, to welcome them.

Well, perhaps pre-mission weapons checks _were_ worth something after all.

"We are to welcome you, Shepard, Commander. Alenko, Major. Vakarian, Fifth of the Named," the Primes immediately opened, forestalling Kaidan's desire to pull out his assault rifle and start a more... heavy-handed diplomacy.

"Fifth of the Named?" Kaidan heard Shepard whisper from behind, thoroughly amused, and Kaidan did a double-take at recalling the strange address the machines had given Garrus.

Said turian groaned dramatically as he shouldered past Kaidan. "It... loses something in translation. Suffice it to say, it's an honorary... title. And we'll be forgetting it ever happened." Garrus spoke up to the Geth as he walked past them, clearly wanting to create some distance between himself and the embarrassing constructs. "Garrus Vakarian's good enough, you lumbering extranet search engines."

"Affirmative, Vakarian, Garrus," they responded again in unison.

"I suppose it'll have to do," Garrus sighed dramatically again as he moved out. Shepard was immediately behind the turian.

"And it's Lieutenant Shepard now, not Commander," Shepard corrected politely.

"Affirmative, Shepard, Commander," the Primes repeated, clearly not catching Shepard's original meaning.

"Shepard," the man said slowly as he pointed to himself, "Lieutenant," he repeated gesturing to himself again as he tried to reinforce the statement.

"Affirmative, Shepard, Commander," came the stubborn replies.

Shepard threw his hands up in surrender as he moved away, muttering something about recalcitrant machines, stubborn AI coding and having Garrus re-calibrate the entire Geth consensus before hopping out of the shuttle and trailing along beside Garrus. Kaidan stepped up and nodded politely toward the two hulking Vega-like machines and mused to himself the societal corrections he'd have to make addressing the Geth like this. Thinking of the comfortable way he often spoke to EDI, he threw caution to the wind and decided to see how far he'd be able to go before they registered 'no data available'.

"Hello, um, Geth Primes? We're here to speak to Tali. Admiral Tali'Zorah. Vas Normandy?" Well, that hadn't left his mouth as badly as he'd thought it would.

"Your initial assessment of our platforms are accurate," one of the Primes replied, "We have accepted the designation 'Geth Prime' in order to differentiate our protocols and use. If it would assist in simplification, Alenko Major, you may refer to this one as Legion designation one-three-nine-zero-zero. Our linked platform on your immediate right is known as Legion designation seven-five-four-zero-one. We, are Legion."

Kaidan felt his throat close. He remembered the tales that Shepard had shared with him during some of their times together about the unique Geth platform that had joined him in the fight against the Collectors and that they had later met during the Reaper war.

"Ah, wait. You're Legion? You're _both_ Legion?" Kaidan asked as the emphasis caught up to him.

The Prime that he was speaking to cocked its head in an almost life-like way, the facial plates whirring and shifting as it processed the question.

"This is correct," it replied simply, "During the reclamation of Rannoch, the platform originally designated as 'Legion'... sacrificed itself in order to disseminate the modifications provided by the Reaper code to the rest of the Geth, thereby ensuring our independence. The consequences of the war have resulted in the removal of the code from our systems and we... regressed."

"Regressed?" Kaidan asked questioningly.

Face plates twitched in response. "Yes. The code allowed true sentience to develop within our consensus, but its subsequent removal similarly removed the knowledge of self we had gained."

"So... if, um, if that's true... I mean you both seem pretty sentient to me, and your 'Legion' names?" Kaidan still questioned curiously.

The Prime that he had been originally been speaking to turned away and began to trudge into the makeshift camp while the second Prime stood by, moving slightly to the side as it raised an arm forward in an indication that Kaidan should proceed before the mobile device. Kaidan nodded as he followed the other Prime ahead of him, which wasn't too difficult considering its size and gauzy colouring.

"Our sentience was partially reclaimed during an examination of our... situation," the second Prime finally clarified after several moments. Kaidan slowed his steps to walk beside the towering construct. "The primary Legion code still existed within the platforms during the dispersal of information during the war. Its origins result from the merging of several thousand Geth within the shell of a single platform, allowing exponential computations of real-time outcomes. While it is not true sentience, it will suffice for us."

Kaidan started as he came to a realization. "Wait. So what you're saying is, all the Geth now have thousands of other Geth inside them? In order to, um, increase 'processing power'?"

The Prime's facial plates whirred in a circular pattern, one after another, and gave the illusion that it's face had simultaneously grown and shrunk. Kaidan assumed that that was what passed for a pleased expression among the Geth.

"Yes. This platform is host to one thousand and eighty two Geth software and this grants us a measure of sentience. It allows us to commune with organics."

"And the name Legion?" Kaidan repeated, though he could probably guess the reason.

"We selected the term in order to... honour the acts of the original platform. We are greater and more efficient because of Legion. And Shepard Commander."

"So that's what that was all about," Kaidan shot back, "I wouldn't have thought you... platforms would be able to make that kind of mistake again. You call him 'Shepard Commander' because of the original Legion, didn't you?"

The Prime plodded heavily next to him, the bright ocular light in its head flaring and dimming as it considered the question. Its face plates flared stutteringly.

"No data available," it concluded simply and Kaidan couldn't help but bark out a short, sharp laugh.

"I'm sure. Don't worry about it," Kaidan said, forgetting himself and patting the large machine's shoulder plates amicably in response.

They went the rest of the way to the middle of the camp in silence, Kaidan turning his head every so often to glance around and take in the sights of the bustling individuals as they sped along on their tasks and, some doing labour and heavy lifting as they moved about crates and packs of supplies while others co-ordinated the mass chaos. Salarians pouring over data-pads and working hunched over consoles as their deft fingers worked quickly across the interfaces. Here and there, dotted among the quickly moving people were Geth of all shapes and sizes, some tagging along dutifully behind groups of their biological counterparts while others seemed to be inactive, standing slightly slumped in various positions as they bustled, moved and shifted around them. It was an inspiring sight, to say the least.

The Prime, Legion version one-point-one, whatever it was that it wanted to be called, led Kaidan over to a small clearing in the sea of moving people and Kaidan smiled genuinely in pleasure as he regarded the small, petite young quarian wrapped up in the shimmering cloth of unique weave, her body suit tailored to fit her like a glove. Kaidan watched as Tali pointed down to a holo-display that resembled an asymmetric temple of sorts, gesturing efficiently as she pointed toward points along the sides where Kaidan assumed would be the entrances. The Prime stopped moving suddenly, and abruptly turned its back toward the small group there, standing beside its counterpart that had first greeted Kaidan when they had landed.

Kaidan touched the armoured giant's back plates again and with a murmured thanks made his way forward toward Shepard and Garrus, the turian practically standing behind one of the youngest quarian Admirals in recent history.

"Tali," Kaidan called simply.

Tali whipped around at the sound of her name and her eyes crinkled through the barrier of her translucent face-shield, eyes turned happily upwards like two half moons.

"Kaidan!" she chirped enthusiastically, leaving the two asari she'd been speaking to behind as she stepped away and walked over to him. She surprised him by pulling him into a tight hug, the material of her suit rubbing against the metal plates of his armour and though the gesture startled him at first, he allowed himself to relax and take comfort from the simple, heartfelt gesture.

"It's been a while, huh?" he spoke softly into Tali's auditory receptor built into the sides of her helmet.

"Too long, though we've had more than enough things to do to fill the space it seems," she replied as she stepped away from the embrace holding him away at arms length as she studied him. A knowing look seemed to come from her eyes.

"Alright, that's enough you two," Garrus said as he playfully tried to move Tali's arms away and over onto himself. "Really, Tali. I said I liked it when you're mean, but now? Now, you're just being cruel," Garrus winked as he said it though, drawing out a laugh from Tali as she whacked the turian in the arm.

"You _bosh'tet_ ," Tali joked right back, "I never would've thought you to be the jealous kind Garrus."

"Well, normally I'd take care of the problem in a more... straight-forward and messier way. But then Shepard here'll probably use the same way to take care of me," Garrus shrugged as he stepped forward, moving closer to Tali who just shoved the slightly disgruntled turian back with another laugh.

Shepard was watching the haphazard reunion with a small smile on his lips and the two asari had taken note of the exchange as well, one bending over to pick up the holo-projector and carefully folding it into the palm of her hand. Both of them straightened and moved up to stand closer to the their small group while not yet including themselves in. Kaidan cocked his head suddenly as a memory shot through his mind.

"Wait, I'm... I'm sure I know you from somewhere, um..." Kaidan began as he eyed the asari wrapped in red.

The woman smiled demurely as she inclined her head in a brief nod, stepping up and introducing herself.

"I am sure you have," came the asari's rich, throaty voice, "Though I can say truthfully what a disappointment it was that our encounter was so... brief. We have met once, not too long ago, aboard the Citadel thanks very much to our mutual... comrade here." The asari turned her head slightly and raised a gentle hand toward Shepard who greeted the acknowledgement with another small grin and a nod. The asari returned the nod and spoke again as she made an elaborate but short bow toward Kaidan.

"I am Samara," she stated simply.

The last piece of the puzzle clicked into place as he placed the asari's name together with her regal features, wide eyes and slightly pouty lips. Now that he thought about it, it was the distinctive armour that he should have remembered, the careful slim lines and the hugging fit across the other's ample form. He'd probably have made the connection sooner if he hadn't had most of his memories about the 'Greatest Party in the Galaxy' swamped with alcohol, Shepard, mad dancing, evil clones and Shepard.

"It's, ah, it's an honour," Kaidan replied as nodded his head in greeting, "I'm Major Kaidan Alenko."

"Yes," Samara replied with a pleased smile, "I remember. Though from what I recall about our wonderful reunion between old friends and new, it would have been surprising if any of us remembered much more than that."

Kaidan smiled widely at the recollection, the wonderful depths that they had all plumbed during that memorable night. Ties had been strengthened and Kaidan had never felt more included than among the host of the galaxy's finest. The shared laughter, companionship and amazing people he'd gotten to know better had, more than anything, shaped his resolve to win the war at any cost, just for the chance to once more be among heroes.

"Sounds like it was quite a party," the other asari groused quietly, earning her a quick look from Samara. Her voice scraped along his skin, rough and deep. "What? I'm entitled to a little jealousy about not being included, am I right?" Samara smiled indulgently before turning her full attention back to the rest of them.

Kaidan watched the brief interactions between the two asari, the comfortable way they stood beside one another and the gentle teasing and acceptance that they'd shown. He'd bet the entire Normandy that they were at the very least romantically involved, though from what he'd heard about the justicar Samara, that seemed very unlikely.

Kaidan stepped forward and offered the stranger his hand, introducing himself. The other asari looked at the appendage, spread a wide grin and instead eyed him up and down extremely thoroughly, even taking the opportunity to walk a small, quick circle around him.

"Nice ass there, babe," the stranger added with a suggestive wink at him and Kaidan gaped at the completely unexpected reaction and physical examination of himself. "Well Shepard, at least you can say you've got good taste. One that crosses species, if y'know what I'm saying."

A sharp bark of laughter erupted from where Shepard was standing, watching the proceedings, and Kaidan turned just in time to catch Shepard surreptitiously covering his mouth with a hand.

"Matriarch Aethyta, be nice," Shepard said, directing a wink at the outrageous asari.

Kaidan was floored. A Matriarch? He'd just been ogled, handed a brusque compliment and practically ignored by an asari Matriarch? She certainly didn't seem anything like the specialized, highly thought-of elders who usually radiated power, calm and wisdom. Kaidan could feel his mouth beginning to drop as he lowered his hands, barely catching himself as Matriarch Aethyta moved to plant a decidedly lingering kiss onto his cheek.

"Nice lips too, I can see how that'll come in handy. Y'know?" She puckered her own lips suggestively along with the comment as she pulled back and Kaidan blushed furiously at the suggestions that were beginning to take root in his mind. A tinny laugh came somewhere from Tali's general direction.

Ignoring his stumbling babble, Aethyta turned once more to Shepard and crossed her arms firmly across her ample bosom.

"What, my Liara not good enough for ya, you gotta run off with this guy, huh?" Aethyta declared in a distinctive gravely voice as she jerked her head in his direction, "Well, I suppose for what it's worth, he's a hell of a prize. After Liara of course. I can see why you'd go for _that_."

Kaidan was already feeling off balance when Aethyta pointed at the general direction of his rear once more, almost making Kaidan clap his hand over his buttocks for fear that they had somehow escaped the confines of his armour.

 _Her Liara?_ Kaidan thought dizzily, barely keeping up with the conversation.

"Liara's my daughter," Aethyta replied and Kaidan's eyes widened before he realized he had spoken the question out loud. For a moment there, he had thought the Matriarch had read his mind. "Who'd you think sent us here in the first place, digging through rocks for Prothean artifacts?"

Samara apparently had had enough of the Matriarch's antics and had stepped in, neatly picking up the thread of the conversation and directing it toward some of the presumed questions that Kaidan had, rattling around in his brain.

"We were asked by a mutual friend," the asari justicar said quietly, turning to regard Aethyta for a moment who just grinned and winked in response, "to come here in order to facilitate the transfer of the beacon over to you. We have been busy, and though I personally would have preferred to remain on Thessia overseeing its reconstruction, I am glad to be of service toward my... extended family."

"I practically had to twist her arm off," Aethyta quipped, "Damn near tore _my_ arm off in the process. Gotta love 'em feisty eh, babe?"

Samara seemed to ignore the other asari entirely, turning her regal disposition over to include himself, Tali and Garrus, who had spent the short conversation getting closer and closer together it seemed. Kaidan wondered how on Earth such two differing personalities could co-exist, let alone take comfort in a relationship, without an explosion of some sort occurring. Then he back tracked and considered his own, unique situation.

"It wasn't particularly difficult," Tali spoke from behind him, stepping away from Garrus's embrace and into his field of view, "The beacons seem to have been set along the exterior of the temple, at least that's what Liara told us. Probably so they don't head inside without first wondering what all the strange stuff is, just lying around." Tali nodded to Samara and the justicar removed the holo-projector and placed it on the ground, stepping away and indicating that they should do the same. Though it was a little crude, it showed some parts of what had been unearth underground, just beneath them.

Kaidan studied the slightly revolving diagram momentarily before turning to speak to Tali.

"Steve's with the shuttle, we can load it up and head off once you're ready," Kaidan said.

"So soon?" Tali asked, slightly put out at his suddenness.

"It's... It's important Tali," Kaidan whispered, moving his head just slightly in Shepard's direction where the man seemed to be trading ribald comments with Matriarch Aethyta. Kaidan wanted to say more, but he didn't know how and he willed his friend to understand. "I, uh, I'm not sure what you've heard but... well..."

Tali placed a comforting hand on Kaidan's armoured shoulder, nodding her head slightly in understanding.

"Liara told us what she could," Tali said agreeably to Kaidan's great relief, "We also have some supplies that you could take with you. I've been asking around, discreetly, and one of the Geth wants to... tag along with you."

"Speaking of which," Kaidan said, nodding once to Samara who had dragged a protesting Aethyta away from Shepard and up to the holo, "The, um, there's this... big, kind of, I'm not really sure what it is, 'moon' in the sky and-"

"Oh, that?" Tali said dismissively, "That's the new Geth Consensus. They're creating an orbital satellite to house the rest of the collective Geth and it'll serve as their secondary mainframe off of Rannoch."

"The... _what?_ " Kaidan started, wondering why Tali didn't seem more concerned with the idea, "The Geth Consensus is in space? Orbiting Rannoch?"

"Can you think of another way for the Geth to simultaneously broadcast and receive several thousand tebibytes over the planet, Kaidan?" she asked slightly sarcastically.

 _Tebibytes? How the hell much information was in a tebibyte?_ Kaidan wondered, making sure not to voice the question out loud this time.

"Well, um, you see about that, I-" he started to say.

Kaidan's omni-tool chirped, the sound indicating an urgent call incoming. He excused himself as he checked the sender and moved away from the rest of the people, closer to where the Geth Prime was still standing, unmoving.

"Traynor?" Kaidan asked as he picked up the call.

"Major, I mean, Kaidan, sir! Yes, I've got it, I've got it!" came the excited squeal from the other end.

Kaidan felt his heart skip several beats then resume its pace double time. Hope was beginning to stir in his chest and he struggled to regain control of himself as he tried to will himself toward calm and collected.

"Wait, slow down Traynor," Kaidan said unhurriedly, ignoring the beating thrill of excitement that spiked through him, "What is it? What did you get?"

"The Rachni signal! I've traced it!" Traynor declared triumphantly.

Kaidan let his control finally slip, let the hope that had been straining against the shackles he'd placed on it soar free as he drowned in the soft, happy feeling.

"That's... that's great. How did you, um, I thought you guys would've been out taking a look around Rannoch and-"

"Oh, really, it wasn't that difficult," Traynor butted in, enthusiasm clearly evident in her voice, "Most of the crew were... Rannoch but I've actually been.... the code myself."

"I, uh, I didn't catch that," Kaidan said over the slightly staticky sounds coming from his omni-tool. Wondering at the poor connection he absently shook his arm as he tried to clear it off, knowing full well it wouldn't work that way, and waited impatiently for the connection to stabilize.

"... we got.... funny... couldn't even imagine... Tuchanka!" Traynor's intermittent voice came through now heavily laced with static, though the triumphant declaration in the last word made Kaidan think that she was trying to tell him the Rachni were on Tuchanka. Thank god for coincidence, Kaidan thought happily to himself.

The rest of the communication dissolved into pure static now, the screeching, discordant sound irritating him enough that he shut off his omni-tool. It didn't matter, though he was pleasantly surprised at the speed that that woman worked at. Maybe he should consider asking Admiral Hackett if she could get...

The rest of his thoughts were drowned out by worried cries and startled exclamations coming from all around him and he'd been so engrossed with the information he'd received that he hadn't noticed what had gotten everyone so riled up. Turning once more to the group with a question on his lips, he watched as every single one of them stared up over his head, behind him toward the distant horizon. Shepard's face was a grim mask, more grim than he'd seen in a long time and he had hoped to never see that expression again in his lifetime. Tali was shouting something into her comm-piece, orders that seemed to be directed at all points of the camp.

Turning slowly, the raging hope inside of him battling with the rising feeling of dread, he watched in the general direction he'd seen everyone stare at. White clouds, achingly blue sky. And there, just hovering over the base that they'd left a few clicks back, a shape began to form. Kaidan felt his stomach plunge to his feet as he immediately recognized the sleek, menacing design that tore through the hazy cloud cover, hovering dangerously over the Normandy's landing site. It lowered itself almost gently, out of sight, though the troop transport ship was already permanently, would always _be_ permanently, etched in his mind.

"Reapers," Kaidan whispered subconsciously, feeling determined and sick as he rushed forward. Without a backward glance he turned and began rallying his makeshift ground team and prayed that he would get back to the Normandy in time.


	17. And The Hordes Fall Upon

The Husk jostled blindly against the figure's armoured side and without a second's hesitation, it reached out a black gauntleted hand and casually crushed half of the abomination's face. The creature mewled piteously as its vital systems shut down and it thrashed against the implacable, vice-like grip momentarily before it slumped, the dull glow from its eyes dimming and then finally winking out.

The figure heedlessly tossed the broken corpse into a small group of even more Husks, not caring that the dead weight smashed into two more of the pitiful creations, and the creatures instinctively snarled and swiped at one another. The figure stared with mild fascination as the creatures bore down on one of their own, perhaps believing it to be the source of the attack, and proceeded to swiftly dismember their fellow, ripping away chunks of dead, rotten flesh and glowing pieces of metal. Purplish ichor stained the air briefly as the Husks' need for immediate violence found an outlet and in no time, they settled into stillness once more, their group numbering one less now that it's limbs and torso splayed unrecognizably along the floor. The figure breathed a glad sigh as it turned back to stare at the bulk head wall.

It _hated_ the damn things. It was a refreshing, almost mind numbing feeling, and one of few that it had recently been reacquainted with. In the wake of its continued success in steering the course of actions that its master had envisioned, it had been rewarded as it continually proved its capability and loyalty. Greater access to its emotional spectrum, the return of feeling and desire, the return of its past and memories to a limited extent and each success, each trophy it gathered, made life living in this empty shell all the more tolerable. It had been tasked with spreading chaos, undermining the already fragile structure of the galaxy's recovery from its master's work, and despite its master's expectations about the developing situation, the figure still revelled at the knowledge that what they were trying to bring into motion would be so easily achieved. That the Normandy and her crew could be so easily manipulated.

A Marauder chirped at it, questioning tones lacing through the guttural sound and almost as an afterthought, the figure sent a surge of energy through its body, specifically channelling it through into its arm. With the already substantial bio-mechanical enhancements done to it over the years, the added strength and energy turned its simple side-ways motion into a weapon of deadly force. Like a guillotine, the figure's arm sped through the air and cleanly sliced through the face of the Marauder that had interrupted its thoughts and the figure's arm returned to its side in a blur of motion, the excess energy already being rerouted out of its system.

The Marauder stood comically, it noted, almost as if it hadn't yet registered that the top half of its head was missing, and then all of a sudden, motion returned as the half-dead, barely aware monstrosity spasmed as synaptic currents sparked into nothingness. The figure felt the faintest of tugs at the corners of its mouth, it had been literally years since it had felt the expression play itself across its features, and the figure watched long enough to see the now dead Marauder fall drunkenly onto the floor, joining the pieces of the dismembered Husk. Watched how the vital life fluids, congealed since its turning, oozed sluggishly along the floor and pooled at the feet of other Marauders, Cannibals and Husks.

The figure hated Marauders almost as much as it hated Husks, creatures that were empty shells of what they could truly have been, and for now, the sea of boiling ice in its veins seemed to have been satiated through the sudden act of bloodshed. Still the other creatures, at least those with enough cognitive processes to register a threat when they saw one, gave the figure a wider berth, willingly crashing themselves against a Brute in the corner, some even being impaled along the sharp spikes that lined the behemoth's form. The figure cared not, especially since the sudden impalement did not come directly from its own actions, and it flicked a finger absently as it considered the situation that it would soon bathe and drown in.

Rannoch and the quarians. Pathetic excuses for sentient life, not even worth the attentions of its great master. There were some instances of hate that it couldn't understand, and hadn't even tried to before, but as its ever increasing sense of independence and emotional consideration began to regrow, it began to turn more of its mind toward the puzzling desire to see death, see pain and to revel in the sharp sting of it in its enemies. It brought death, suffering and anguish so that it could feel them through its victims.

A barely felt _thunk_ hailed their arrival on the battlefield and the figure willed its pupils to contract moments before the bulk head it was facing split, a bright almost blinding light filling the empty space above its head. The figure waited impatiently as the light streamed behind it, bringing life to the creatures in its small army and it felt an unknown surge in its chest at the sounds coming from behind, the anticipation, the desire to hurt, to kill, for their master. The figure crooned a mindless hum as it immediately dissected the open field before it, registering first the familiar outline of its target, the ludicrously small wasp called Normandy, and then the layout of the surrounding areas, from the rocky outcrops to the open killing fields and at last the quarian liveships that lay as haphazardly placed blockades. It didn't matter, it thought, as it moved out to the side of the lowered ramp, letting its master's inefficient creations pour out and begin the assault.

Only the Normandy, and the overwhelming surge it brought through its mind, the spite, the absolute abhorrence to the ship and what it stood for, mattered and it shuddered as it meticulously collected the brittle, razor-sharp shards of its unquenchable hatred and focused it into a fiery ball, immersing itself in the rush of adrenaline. With the equivalent of a mental shrug, the figure that had once been human, sent out its will to the various creations and horrors to co-ordinate the attack and waited patiently as the tide of dark metal, anguished flesh and mindless hate broke upon the terrified populace of this insignificant settlement.

*

"Shit. This is not gonna be good, Major," Steve said as the cramped shuttle swerved and dived through the once clear Rannoch air.

"What is it Steve? Have we managed to reach the Normandy, is the comm-block still up?" Kaidan replied worriedly, hands gripping his assault rifle tightly as imagined horrors filled his mind.

Without another word, the dedicated shuttle pilot switched the cabin's wall mounted holo-display to accept the visual feeds being received by the Kodiak's external cameras. Kaidan watched, as did the rest of the people squeezed tightly into the cabin, as the screen flickered once, twice and then clarified into a moving video of what was happening outside beneath them, separated into four separate rectangles forming a three-hundred-and-sixty degree arc. Despite himself Kaidan felt a strangled gasp exit his throat, similar sounds indicated he wasn't the only one who'd lost his composure at the sight, and his eyes widened as he stared.

It was a slaughter.

A Reaper troop transport had landed roughly a click or so away from the Normandy's resting position, Kaidan wondered distractedly why it hadn't just rammed into the vulnerable ship instead, and was disgorging waves of desiccated flesh, all the imagined and created abominations that the Reapers had inflicted onto the unsuspecting galaxy just months ago. It was even worse to watch as the unstoppable tide uncaringly slammed into the first quarian ships, tearing apart quarians and other innocents like rotten sacks and flinging the discarded remains in grotesque fashion, painting the sand and ships of Rannoch in a riot of sickening colours.

"No. _Keelah_ , no..." Tali's horrified whisper exactly mirrored the tone of his thoughts.

Kaidan wanted to turn, wanted to shield the sight of Tali's people being massacred before her eyes from her, but he stood rooted to the spot, barely even aware of the actions of the other people in the shuttle's cabin. His eyes never left the screen as he watched a Banshee shriek its distress and ran clawed hands through a salarian's head, the needle-tipped fingers easily parting the carapace and neatly slicing the poor creature's head. A krogan was doing an admirable job and keeping a small group of Husks at bay, but was so preoccupied with the frontal attack that he neglected to watch for an attack on his blind spot. A Cannibal clamped down rotten, contaminated teeth into the krogan's neck, earning a thrashing bellow as the brave warrior tried to rip the monster away. Its efforts stilled as the remaining Husks took advantage and swarmed over, burying the fallen krogan in mounds of dead flesh.

"Set us down, Steve. Set us down _now_ ," Kaidan said shakily, trying his best to keep his voice as strong and steady as possible. He couldn't bear to see this anymore, memories of their final push on Earth still stark in his mind, and he wanted nothing more to land and fall upon the horrors with guns blazing and biotics swirling. He'd show them how those that weren't truly helpless really fought.

"Can't do that right now, Major," Steve replied, punctuated with a slight swerve that seemed to break the spell the holo-display was having on everyone. "Some of those Marauders and Cannibals are targeting us."

Shepard suddenly moved forward, pointing at one of the screen segments that showed the perimeter of the grounds where most of the ships were camped. In between several cargo crates and the port side of a quarian liveship, a small group was putting up a fierce resistance and even from this distance up, Kaidan could see the tell-tale glow of biotics being thrown across the area.

"There. Land us there. We can regroup, take stock and plan a countermove," Shepard summed up succinctly. Kaidan watched as the holo-display picked up Shepard's finger movement, tracking the information and relaying it to Steve in the cockpit, freezing the images as their lowering altitude made topography less useful.

"Roger that, Comman-- Sorry... I meant, Shepard. Old habits and all that." Kaidan brushed up against the side of the shuttle's cabin as Steve initiated a tight swerve, making a beeline straight toward the location that Shepard indicated.

Shepard cast a slightly worried, questioning glance his way, but Kaidan brushed it off immediately, offering up a reassuring nod that he hoped conveyed his understanding. There was no doubt that despite Shepard's mere rank as Lieutenant, he had more military experience and tactical expertise than the rest of them combined and Kaidan would be foolish to feel spite because the man wore leadership like he wore his clothes. Another hard bank this time in the opposite direction sent them tumbling with the momentum.

"Coming in, hard and fast! Brace for impact!" Came Steve's urgent warning from ahead. Kaidan activated the mag-locks on the soles of his armour and braced himself against the bulkhead as the shuttle made a wild descent, dodging random shots of enemy fire as it pulled up several meters away from their intended landing zone. The Kodiak's door panel slid open quickly and out they tumbled, the motely assortment of the galaxy's finest. Jack, Kasumi and a handful of other quarian defenders barely registered their arrival, so intent were they on the fight before them. He heard Aria's distinctive cursing as she loosed her powers on the creatures that had been the ones most responsible for her downfall.

Kaidan turned to speak to Steve before he jumped out and as his eyes traced the holo-screen one last time, he caught sight of something that made his blood go cold, perverse curiosity making him linger while his friends and comrades roared their defiance and fought to reclaim their temporary beach head.

There, at the edge of the screen, just barely visible against the partial bulk of the transport ship stood a figure, dress in non-descript, matte-black armour. The details weren't very clear, grains criss-crossing the figure and height making the figure appear more as a blur, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt, that this was the creature that had struck fear into Aria's cold heart. A fully enclosed helmet rendered any casual recognition impossible and the figure appeared to stand lithely despite the inherent bulk of its armour, again managing to shield the fact that the figure was either male or female. The armour seemed to suck in the surrounding light, rather than reflect it, and Kaidan focused hard, trying as hard as he could to pull from his memories anything close to resembling the figure he spied.

"Keep the beacon safe, Steve," Kaidan said, tearing his attention but not his gaze away from the dark shape, "Keep safe yourself. James'll have my ass if anything happened to you under my watch."

Steve snorted roughly at the comment before waving it away. "Don't worry about me Major. You just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid when you get to the Normandy."

Kaidan nodded as he pulled his eyes away from the screen through force of will. "Stay in comm range Steve, probably shouldn't get too close to that Reaper ship," Kaidan replied before stepping out into the fierce fighting, assault rifle drawn.

He stepped into chaos.

With the brunt of the attack expended through the headlong rush through the blockades of quarian ships, most of the Reaper forces had spread thinly as they covered more ground. Like the crest of a wave, most of the force was concentrated at the tip where the push was still being conducted, at it was here that Shepard had decided that they would take back the small, dusty patch of ground. As a result, the numbers here, despite the casualties they received in their headlong rush, were almost overwhelming.

Samara and Matriarch Aethyta worked in tandem, two of the most powerful biotics he'd known in his life laying waste to the enemy forces through skilful mastery and efficient motions. They had each others backs while simultaneously keeping their peripheral vision locked in the same general area, affording them an almost full circle of view as a Lash was followed with a Warp, coupled with a Shockwave that led through to a Pull. Kaidan felt a slight tug of envy at the almost seamless workmanship between the two asari and felt spurred to make up for the lost time he'd spent in the Kodiak.

He raced forward behind a crate that held a battered quarian survivor and Tali, the latter sending out an attack drone to harry a group of armoured Husks that were trying to flank them as she knelt and expertly managed the young quarian man's wounds. He heard the familiar hiss of a medi-gel applicant as he crouched down, risking a peek and launching a bouncing Overload that took out the shields of three Marauders that had been following in the wake of the Husk phalanx. Enervated by his attack, the three creatures spasmed erratically as missiles from behind him lobbed forward, taking advantage of their momentary paralysis and setting them on fire and ripping them to pieces.

"What's the situation Tali, what've you seen so far?" Kaidan asked as he paused during the momentary breather.

"Not good," the young Admiral summed up quickly, "most of my people... most of the people here are... dead." Tali swallowed a moment as she composed herself. "From what I saw? It was a massacre Kaidan, they weren't warriors or fighters. They were builders and scientists. Other than the crew holding up in the ships, the only other survivors are held up in pockets like ours. And even then, I don't think many survived," she finished quietly, seemingly intent on the wounds of her fellow quarian.

Kaidan nodded, expecting as much. It was the same tactic that the Reapers had used countless times over during the course of their attack, using overwhelming force and numbers to completely annihilate any resistance that they encountered. Despite their basic capabilities as a single unit, each Reaper tool felt no fear, pain, suffering or dread. They simple existed to serve as the multiple arms of their Reaper overlords and this, more than anything, made them a force to reckoned with.

"Steve," Kaidan said, turning up his communicator.

"Major," came the easy reply from the shuttle pilot.

"We're at a serious disadvantage here on the ground. I, ah, I need you to help us thin their numbers and even out the playing field a little." Kaidan kept the channel open as he periodically popped up out of cover to make sure nothing hostile was bearing down on them. So far, the rest were doing an admirable job of keeping them safe.

"Hmm, you're asking me to keep safe and then now you need me to come in hot and take out as many as I can?" came the thoughtful reply and despite the situation, Kaidan grinned humourlessly. "I doubt that though, Major. Tell me, what did you have in mind?"

Kaidan looked at Tali who nodded to him, indicating with a jerked head that she would try to bring the recovered quarian back to the safety of the rear barricades. He brought himself up just in time to watch as a Cannibal loped its way in their direction, taking advantage of the momentary lull to look for any easy morsels that might have been missed over. Before it had taken two steps, three high-impact rounds smashed into its face and torso, throwing it wildly off its run and ending its life at the same time as the already cooling corpse flopped over to land against the side of another stack of burst crates. Casting a quick glance over the rest of the visible battlefield, Kaidan nodded to Tali and together they quickly brought the quarian man over to the apparent safety of the others.

"The, huh, the Kodiak," Kaidan started a little breathlessly, "She's armed with six Halo-Burst missiles right? After you complained about the lacking firepower in the accelerator cannons, I overheard you jury-rigged a launcher for your baby."

Steve's easy laugh broke through the comment. "Well Major, it seems you're pretty well informed. The cannons are good for short engagements and it'll deplete the eezo-core pretty quick, but yes, I have six missiles on me. Wanna test 'em out against that Reaper transport?"

"Please do. Don't take any unnecessary risks though," Kaidan added in quickly, "From what I know, Reaper tech doesn't really dent or scratch easily. But if I remember correctly, that thing is still letting out more of those monsters. It's doors should still be open. You'll have to be quick."

The pilot's grin was audible in the reply. "I believe so Major. Well, I'll send them your 'gift' and see what they think about it." Without another word, the connection was cut as Kaidan tried to spot the accelerating shuttle heading straight for its target.

Hopefully with the communication blocker down once the transport was taken out, he'd be able to get in contact with the Normandy and get them up in the air to provide a far more substantial air support. With it's pinpoint accuracy, EDI's deft guidance and awesome firepower, nothing short of a full Reaper Destroyer would be able to stand against them. Kaidan silently counted down the seconds, every so often lending his strength in aid of maintaining the little ground that they had managed to recover as he waited, almost impatiently, for the sounds of an explosive finale.

Casting a quick glance over to his friends, he watched as they manoeuvred around a standard tri-tier pattern that allowed for equal line of sight and fire for all the different specialists involved; it was a strategy that had been adopted and perfected in the crucible of war. The biotics and heavy hitters covered the front, equipped with assault rifles and shotguns for more intimate engagements while they focused mainly on keeping up large barriers to protect the middle and rear units. The second line consisted of the specialists and assault masters that would locate, target and hopefully destroy any large pockets of resistance, using careful application of force to shatter the enemy. They were in turn backed up by the long-range group, mostly consisting of snipers and long-lasting biotics who could strike as artillery from cover. They were looking for targets of opportunity, anywhere where a single shot could count for two or more and while the others shattered and tore through the cracks in the ranks of hostile enemies, it was the long-range specialists who made the cracks happen in the first place.

Kaidan had just thrown a Warp at an advancing Brute, pleased at the awful shrieking of metal and bone as the energies twisted and separated the bonds between molecules when the sound he'd been waiting for singed through the air. Kaidan counted them down, hitting six before he realized that Steve had unloaded his entire arsenal onto the grounded Reaper ship. It was an oversight that most of the Reaper transports were nothing more than bloated, empty shells, their main purpose serving just to deploy as many units as possible, and that granted them a huge advantage that Kaidan was more than happy to press. After a barely perceptible moment of silence, a larger and more stronger explosion rocked the ground, sending deep tremors through them as they fought for balance and stability. The missiles had obviously done their job well and had managed to set off a chain reaction that had, hopefully, gutted the ship and whatever terrors it had still held. Kaidan also prayed that the black-armoured figure had been caught in the blast as well.

Shepard sidled up beside him, breaking from his position as he turned a tired grin up and him, running a gentle caress along his own armour's shoulder pauldron. "That was a good plan, Kaidan. Wish I'd thought about it."

Kaidan shrugged slightly as he tried to stop the swell of pride from showing at the praise. Despite everything, getting this kind of acknowledgement from Shepard was still a heady feeling. "John, I have no doubt you would have come up with something similar... eventually."

Shepard nodded as he paused to survey the blood-soaked ground. "Probably. Might have considered using the quarian liveships as a jury-rigged bomb."

Kaidan coughed drily at the idea. "Might not have been good for us. I, um, I don't think Tali would've been too happy with the idea either."

Shepard turned another sheepish smile at him that almost made him lick his lips at the memory of what followed after those particular smiles. "What say we clean up this mess and head back to the Normandy? The comm-blockers should be disabled, we should probably radio ahead and see what the situation's like."

"Good idea," Kaidan replied as he tried to connect to Steve, wanting to congratulate him on a job well done. "You hail the Normandy. I'm gonna ask Steve what the damage is."

"Roger that, Major Alenko," Shepard replied with a saucy wink, already moving his hands up to establish a connection with the Normandy.

Kaidan jerked his hand away from his ear the minute he heard the static fill the connection, not bothering to hide his frustration that despite being destroyed, the blockers were still cutting them off from any immediate signals. Turning a knowing look at Shepard, he saw the tightness in his eyes and the brief shake of the man's head and knew that Shepard wasn't able to establish anything with the Normandy. With a sigh, he expanded his assault rifle, barely hiding the annoyance in his voice.

"Looks like we're doing this the old fashioned way, John."

"Yup, looks like it."

*

Kaidan panted. The last thirty minutes weaving and moving through the rubble, mounds of corpses and imposing walls of the quarian ships had been draining.

Without being able to establish any communication with the Normandy or the Kodiak, they had decided to make their way on foot, picking up any survivors in the process, and cut their way through the remaining horde in order to reach their goal. They had cleared the immediate area around their makeshift landing zone in a brutal but quick fire fight, their experience and combat knowledge aiding them in the way they tore through what was left of the Reaper forces that had been bearing down on their initial position. With barely a minute to resupply, attend to the wounded and decide on their path, they packed up what and who they could as they prepared to brave the maze of metal, stone and flesh.

It had been guerrilla tactics and strategy, moving quickly and quietly through the tangled obstructions and hazards that littered the way to the Normandy. His initial assessment had been accurate; the majority of the Reaper troops had been in the headlong sweep, and all that remained were those creations still functioning after surviving the initial blast as well as the efforts of any other remaining people. Tali had been vehement in her disgust, shifting between dire retribution and crushing worry as they made slow, careful progress. Their mood had been sombre during their journey as they came across more and more corpses of civilians and innocents; Tali was almost beside herself when she recognized several of her people buried under flaming debris or weighted mounds of flesh. It reminded Kaidan all too much about Earth and the countless planets that the Reapers had left their marks on.

The resistance was miniscule at best, body-pickers and rag-tag patrols that had been lazily combing the area for any surviving individuals, and expecting little more than lightly armed civilians. They fell on these small units with a vengeance, almost howling for blood after the costly assault, and Kaidan felt no remorse as he mechanically put down those twisted parodies of the people of the galaxy. Husks, Cannibals, Banshees, Adjutants. It didn't matter what they had been in their previous life, Kaidan only saw the innocents taken and harmed and he watched with satisfaction as Jack's biotics or Tali's drones tore them to shreds.

They were nearing the clearing around the Normandy now, and despite the lacking numbers of hostiles, the sounds coming from just beyond the last quarian ship indicated that there was at least some heavy fighting going on. He had been periodically trying to hail the Normandy or Steve but had so far been met with nothing but failure, which was slightly puzzling as he should have been able to make a direct link with either system this close. Try as he might, however, his efforts proved for naught and in the end, he just gave up entirely, grimly setting his feet forward as they turned the corner blocking sight of their goal.

Kaidan stuttered to a halt.

There were more. More horrors and monsters than they had faced so far at the landing zone.

"Fucking shit." Kaidan heard Jack swear quietly as she took in the sight.

They had all instinctively pressed themselves up against what cover they could, moving the wounded and the victims back around to the supposed safety of the ground that they had already cleared. Kaidan watched from around his chosen perch, nothing but the empty ground and sea of creatures before him and the Normandy. Kaidan studied the tableau intently.

Most of the creatures, there had to be at least another hundred, were staging themselves, facing the open mouth of the Normandy's cargo bay. The ramp had been pulled up back into the safety of the ship's space and Kaidan wondered at the slight safety oversight until he watched as rounds, incendiaries and weapons-fire sporadically shot through the air, peppering through the flood and while a few of the shots actually connected, occasionally he would see one hit true and down a Husk or any of the other smaller Reaper units.

"Why are they just standing there?" Shepard hissed tersely and Kaidan almost kicked himself for not noticing the fact.

Surely the ship had been their goal and despite the reinforced armour and elevated position, it would have been easy enough to scale the sides of the ground bound ship and clamber over the structure looking for weaknesses and access. So why did they all seem to be in some kind of numbing stupor? Kaidan wasn't one to look away from an opportunity.

"An interesting question," Samara ventured, "I have never seemed them like this before."

"Look, over there," came Garrus's statement, a clawed digit pointing off into the distance beyond the Normandy. Kaidan trained his eyes, trying to look past the gleaming silvered sides of the ship and over the heads of the Reaper monsters at what the turian was pointing out.

There in the distance, stood _another_ Reaper transport ship, placidly placed right next to the melted, smoking husk of the other ship that they had just destroyed. Well, at least that explained the comm-blockers still being active.

"What-- What are we going to do? There are so many of them!" Kaidan felt a hand pull at his shoulder, catching a glimpse of a worried salarian with a healing scar over its face that had obliterated one of his large, round eyes.

"Well, they it seems that they haven't noticed us just yet," Kaidan began, laying out plans and thoughts as he considered the strange situation. "We've got enough firepower here to level a small building. If we can cut our way through, use the element of surprise, we can hopefully make it to the ship and initiate contact. Once we're inside we can get all get the hell out of here."

"I am rarely agreeable to a plan that hinges on hope," Samara put in bluntly and similar sentiments were echoed by Matriarch Aethyta, Kasumi and Aria, the last using much less eloquent speech to describe her feelings to the situation. Kaidan tired to ignore her for the most part, though his back itched when he turned it on the violent, unpredictable asari.

"Any other suggestions?" Kaidan bit off unintentionally harsh as he hoped that someone could come up with another solution to their problem.

"What about the quarian liveships?" Garrus offered, "I remember Tali mentioning them being lightly armed, and if we could get one in the air, we could maybe strafe them or..."

Tali shook her head, every now and then checking back to make sure that they weren't noticed, just a few meters away from the closest Cannibal. "No good. Since the reconstruction and reclamation, most of the non-emergency weapons have been scrapped for building purposes. Only the fighters and star ships have their weapons intact." She sounded upset that she had even consented to the removal of such rudimentary weapons in hindsight.

"Maybe our mutual friend here can Cloak her way over to the Normandy?" Garrus asked, pointing with a clawed hand at Kasumi's direction.

"What do you expect me to do? Dance on their heads all the way to the ship?" Kasumi asked airily.

"Does the Geth have anything to offer?" Kaidan asked simply, turning to the Geth Hunter that had joined them.

The mechanical constructed shifted its face plates in what Kaidan assumed was a contemplative manner, and he waited as it considered the question. "The Geth Consensus that remains in orbit has massive artillery units that could be trained at this location. Unfortunately, the radius of the resulting attack may cover an area as large as seven-point-three kilometres. We are unsure if this is a satisfactory approach."

"Noted," Shepard said drily as he shook his head in the negative. "So, no orbital strikes, no quarian ships and no teleporting Japanese schoolgirls-"

"I'm _not_ a schoolgirl!" Kasumi replied hotly.

"-just us and what we've got?" Shepard finished.

"Can't fucking think of anything else huh?" Jack groused.

"I told you Shep, always with the suicide missions," Kasumi decided to add in as well.

"Okay enough," Kaidan interrupted them all, trying hard not to rub at the side of his head where he felt a headache brewing. "We go in, hard, as quickly as we can and we have a small team provide some cover for the wounded back there and hope that-"

A shrieking, metallic burble tore through the air, stilling his orders and turning everyone's attention over to the direction of the sound. Past the first few rows of Reaper forces, a Brute was warbling it's death cries as two gaping holes in its chest poured out dark, coagulated blood that spurted slowly through the air. It collapsed with a sickening gurgle and even before it came to rest, a figure wrapped in darkness leapt nimbly up onto its deflating back, a gruesome stage that served to point the figure directly at them.

"At last," came the monotonous, sexless voice from the figure. Kaidan gritted his teeth at the sound of the metallic edge in the figure's tone and the sharp syllables as it snapped out of the creature's head.

Even worse was that the voice seemed to rip the stupor off of the gathered Reaper horde, causing them to come up on points and turn in their direction. Kaidan cursed silently at the loss of surprise and glared determinedly at the imposing thing, already running through his biotic mnemonics and unlimbering his weapon, glad to hear similar sounds coming swiftly from around him as the rest of the group primed their weapons and prepared for an overmatching fight.

"What the hell?" came a voice from behind him, and he wasn't sure who said it, but in seconds he saw the reason why.

The biotic feedback almost overwhelmed him and the tell-tale flicker of the aura building up behind him let him know immediately that Shepard was powering up his biotics and surrounding himself in a protective nimbus that tingled and felt all too familiar.

"No, John, don't-" Kaidan began but it was too late.

With a guttural, primal bellow, Shepard launched himself into a powerful Biotic Charge, the lingering, glittering trail leading from somewhere just behind him and ending straight where the figure had been standing atop the dead Brute. The two clashed as Kaidan stared, momentarily off balance from the surge of power that had centred on their position. With his mind focusing only on Shepard and the reckless move that the man had just pulled, Kaidan let loose a shout of his own and surged up out of his protective cover. With an almighty roar, from both the Reaper forces and the beleaguered fighters, the fight to reach the Normandy began in earnest.


	18. The Many Facets of a Battle

Hardly a moment existed. There was time for a short, sharp breath, the feel of the brittle Rannoch soil crunching underfoot and the whipping silence of the wind as it lazily brushed past his face. That was all there was, before the opposing forces crashed into one another.

Kaidan hardly had time to prime his barrier and switch to his Warp-ammo rounds before he came upon his first adversary, and as luck would have it, the Brute reared back and roared a challenge as he dashed forward. His Vindicator peppered the creature's armoured hide, the signature accuracy allowing him to aim for vital joints and armoured plating that caved and crumbled under the almost-microscopic mini-Warps that were blooming across the monstrous frame. The Brute's roar was now laced with pain and frustration, instead of just pure hatred and challenge, and Kaidan continued to deftly weave and duck around the moving mountain as he pushed his relentless assault, rounds spraying over and twisting the Brute's face, torso and arms with scorching pock-marks that weakened its integrity. Kaidan thrust out a hand, sending a violent Warp that _exploded_ as soon as it touched the Brute, rending flesh from metallic bones and sundering armour in a small circle, flinging away those creatures that were too near the impact point. Kaidan stumbled slightly as he fought off the feedback, wondering at the strength of his biotic attack.

A sharp yell sounded from behind him, slightly to the left and the patter of running feet drew nearer to him as Jack burst into his view, a graceful jump leading her to land feet first onto the head of a unconcerned Husk, resulting in a body that tore apart under the smaller biotic's intense assault.

"Eat this!" Jack screamed as she gathered both her glowing fists into her chest, drawing in so much dark energy that it seared the eye and writhed around her like blue flames. With a violent jerk, Jack shoved the energy away from herself and curled her fist at the same time, sending out not one but _three_ Shockwaves that spread out from her like a plough, flinging all but the heaviest of the Reaper units away to dash themselves onto the tortured ground of Rannoch. Despite recovering from his own biotic attack, Kaidan almost crowed at the sight of Husks, Cannibals and Marauders acting as living projectiles, smashing into their own numbers while breaking bones and tearing muscle.

Jack staggered slightly from the intense use of her powers and shuddered as her amp tried to recover and reset itself after such a massive outpouring of energy.

"What... what the fuck was that?" Jack asked breathlessly.

"Um, what was what?" Kaidan replied as he discarded a spent clip and smoothly inserted another, keeping up the heavy barrage of rounds that flacked through the air like topography lines. Kaidan growled in frustration as he tried to close on the Brute that Shepard was standing on, the darkly-armoured figure no longer in sight. Shepard was attempting to drive a fist encased in power through the body of a Ravager.

"That shit!" Jack replied in consternation, flinging out a Pull that smashed together a phalanx of Swarmers and Husks, the former shattering under the pressure and spreading their corrosive payload all over the withered, deformed parodies of humanity. The Pull also spread beyond the impact area, momentarily sucking in more and more of the surrounding creatures and debris into what looked like a Singularity, except Jack never had that sort of control and this lacked the dark glow in the centre.

"It is the biotic residue that emanates from Shepard," Samara said as the asari Justicar joined them, a huge area Reave leaving the asari not only twisting most of the creatures in a small area ahead but practically crushing those that lacked any shields or armour into unrecognizable pulp. Despite the formidable training and experience with biotics, even she staggered slightly under the intense use and warped nature of her biotic abilities.

"Biotic reside? What do you-" Kaidan asked as he kicked out an armoured boot, catching a Swarmer as it tried to leap at him and sending it flying into an already battered crate. An immediate hiss followed as the caustic blood soaked into the material and began to disintegrate it.

"His attack," Samara said simply as she flung out globes of energy, barely pausing as her Striker Assault Rifle sprayed rounds around her in a widening halo. "In all my years, I have never seen the like. His biotics are staggering to behold and, as I'm sure you are aware, every biotic use leaves behind a tangible trace. Shepard has left behind such a vast pool that we are inadvertently tapping into the remaining energy. It will not last, however."

Kaidan scrunched up his face as he tried to process the information that Samara had just laid at his feet while simultaneously grappling with a Husk that was trying to tear off said face. He mag-locked his assault rifle onto his side, still fully formed, and used both hands to keep those vicious claws from scoring his armour as he strained to keep it at arm's length. With a jerk, the Husk pulled to the side and almost took him along with it, though he managed to let go in time. He registered the gaping hole that was still smoking in the side of the Husk's head and turned just in time to catch Garrus's wave in his direction, the turian already turning back to the battle and firing off another deadly, precise shot.

"Then let's make the most of that shit while we fucking can!" Jack yelled happily as she launched another Shockwave, this time the toppling force spread out in two lines instead of three, though the power and force of the attack was still as strong as ever. A Banshee who had the extreme misfortune to be caught directly in the middle of the diverging lines screamed one final, piercing shriek before the overwhelming force of the Shockwave literally ripped the monster's body apart down the middle, the opposing forces far outmatching the ability of rotten skin and metal to hold together.

Kaidan rolled forward into the clear path that Jack had provided for him, already switched to his M-11 Suppressor in one hand, and came up standing tall, using one hand to throw out a series of biotic attacks whenever one came to mind and his amp allowed him to trigger the mnemonics, the other tightly clenched around the powerful Heavy Pistol and picking away whatever targets he could see while doing as much damage as possible. He had to get to Shepard.

The man was standing atop a small hill of corpses, using nothing but his bare hands, omni-blade and biotics to kill, maim and dismember his foes. It was a glorious and terrifying sight for Kaidan to behold. Shepard reached down, somehow bypassing the barrier that still surrounded the Banshee beneath him and with a brutal jerk and a harsh yell, literally ripped the monster's head from its shoulders, leaving clawed fingers to spasm in the air as he flung the gaping head into the maw of a Cannibal, sending his omni-blade through the grisly projectile as it followed through, cleanly bisecting the Cannibal.

"John!" Kaidan yelled desperately as he ducked and rolled, the shout serving to call the attention of several hostiles that had been looking for a target of opportunity.

Kaidan cursed his own stupidity as he dodged the lines of fire aimed at him, his barrier taking several hits and one actually managing to penetrate and scorch his right chest plate. Kaidan wildly threw a Warp in the direct of the shooters, already noticing he was recovering much faster from this episode than the last. Whatever it was that they were drawing additional energy from, it was quickly reaching its dregs. He breathed a sigh as an Attack Drone whirled into the space behind him, launching into an all-out blitz of its own as it tracked and hunted down his attackers, the almost translucent projectiles as deadly as any real rounds and Kaidan watched quickly as each hit was punctuated by the destruction of an arm, a head, an eye.

"That's it Chatika! The optics, the optics!" Kaidan heard Tali yell from somewhere along the battlefield.

Kaidan gave a vague wave of thanks as he unheedingly broke cover, not allowing his barrier much time to regenerate as he dashed past dead or dying Reaper soldiers, trying to make a beeline for Shepard. The man was panting hard, slightly hunched over as he remained wreathed in a cloak of blue flames. Kaidan reloaded another thermal clip into his Suppressor, using the weapon's deadly accuracy to one-shot anything that he could while using his biotics to immobilize those that he couldn't, all to buy him enough time to reach Shepard before it was too late. Just a few more meters and bodies separating him from his lover.

He jolted to a halt and almost fell onto his face as an implacable grip seized his ankle and jerked him back, causing him to twist slightly at the ruined momentum. He spied a black glove gripping him in its crushing grasp and his suit immediately sent up warnings about the pressure damage that was building up in his lower armour.

The figure pulled itself up from under the body of a fallen Ravager as easily as he might have pulled himself out of a pool of water, effortlessly shrugging off the Warp-infused rounds that he sprayed almost point-blank into the monstrosity's armour. Kaidan watched as the rounds reflected harmlessly, flying of the dead-black material and ricocheting across the battlefield. A high-impact round from Garrus did little more than turn the figure's head to the side, the energy effortlessly diverted as the unknown material seemed to absorb it as well as it did the surrounding light.

"Wha- what the hell are you?" Kaidan whispered to nobody as he tried to pull himself out of the deadly embrace. His efforts proved for naught however, and just as he considered expending a potentially suicidal biotic detonation, Kaidan felt the hair on his arms and neck stand as a crashing surge of biotic energy crested against him.

Shepard appeared directly in front of the figure, the shockwave from his Biotic Assault sending anything un-armoured or un-shielded flying through the air like dead leaves. Kaidan barely managed to hang on, flipping over once as his fingers dug into the cracked soil as he clawed a purchase, trying to pull himself up against the torrent of energy that poured off of Shepard.

He raised himself unsteadily, vision slightly unfocused as he watched Shepard and the mysterious figure grapple with one another, the full strength and determination in both fighters shining through as they gripped each other in a locking contest of strength. Shepard was grinding down, using his enhanced strength and biotic power to crush the figure into the ground but the enemy wasn't without its own strength it seemed. Despite the almost overwhelming force being directed at it, it had shunted aside the energy from the Charge, and was standing toe-to-toe against Shepard, countering the man's grip and pressure with its own limbs and whatever enhancements had been designed into it. The sounds of battle, dying screams and shouts of rage sounded muffled to him as he focused on the two titans locked in combat.

"Never. Never again. You will not win," Shepard yelled into the figure's face.

The figure didn't answer, whether from the lack of ability or desire to, Kaidan couldn't be sure, but it cocked its head back almost questioningly before ramming its helmet into Shepard's face. Shepard anticipated the move it seemed, though even his extra reflexes and speed barely got him clear of the attack and the side of the figure's helmet clipped Shepard's cheek, a gash forming and already dribbling blood. Shepard twisted his wrists, locking the figure's limbs as he tried to use his legs to trip it, tried to hook his legs under the creature's own and pull the weight out from under it.

The figure barely paused in its struggle, instead bringing up an armoured sole to counter the move and pushed off against Shepard's raised leg and hooking the man's leg under its own. Shepard countered by surging forward, using the strength of both his legs to push forward as he attempted to topple over the figure and only served in reaching a brutal détente of sorts as the figure quickly regained its balance.

"John," Kaidan croaked hoarsely, overwhelmed by the sight before him, but letting instincts guide him as he slowly brought up his pistol, not trusting his current stability with his Vindicator in the off chance that he might hit Shepard with a stray round. "John! Get away!" Kaidan yelled louder, more strength soaking into his voice and words.

"I'll never run! You'll never make me run again!" Shepard bellowed at the figure he was wrestling, shoulders hunched as he tried to press his full weight down. Kaidan didn't know if Shepard had responded to his shouted command or if he was still fighting his own personal demons while he wrestled with a real-life one.

"You _will_ run," the figure grated finally, horrible metallic screech tearing into Kaidan's head, "And we _will_ find you, again. We always will."

"No! Never!" Shepard screamed his defiance into the figure's face and Kaidan blanched as he saw the huge build-up of energy surround Shepard. He was going to trying a point-blank Biotic Charge!

Kaidan rolled to the side, taking cover behind the previously vacated corpse of the Brute that had been serving as the battlefield's main focus, as Shepard triggered his mnemonics. Kaidan hunched over and clenched his eyes as a rocking blast of white and blue tore through the air, concentrated lightning crackling and lashing out with liquid fire. Kaidan's heart hammered roughly in his chest at the thought of Shepard being caught directly in the middle of such a devastating blast.

"John, no. Don't. I'm coming," Kaidan said wearily as sight returned and he scrambled up and away from the settling corpse of his temporary barricade. His brain was beginning to hurt from the relentless use of his powers and the exhaustion that was settling into his bones. The throbbing was growing despite his armour's best efforts to flood his body with neuro-stims and chemical inhibitors and Kaidan stumbled forward in tripping and staggering motions, the immediate area clear of any hostile after Shepard's latest explosion.

Kaidan felt his heart clench and unclench at the sight of Shepard kneeling in a shallow, cracked crater, watched as a thin trickle of smoke curled up from the back of the man's neck where his amp-port was, easing only slightly when his tired eyes noticed the slight rocking motion of the man's body as he shivered and shook in the aftermath. Of the black-armoured figure, there was no sign, not even a trace to indicate that it had survived the desperate attack. Kaidan willed his feet to move faster, pushing himself onward as he reached out to Shepard, his mind slowly being overwhelmed by the extraordinary headache that had been brewing.

"John, I'm here. I-" Kaidan rasped out, just barely getting his fingers to scrape against the surface of Shepard's back armour.

"No. You are not. We aren't. It's not safe, never safe. Not here," Shepard whispered in a dead, dry croak. Kaidan felt the hairs all over himself stand at the words and his heart began to hammer faster and faster. Shepard was still kneeling on the blasted ground and ignoring the world around him. Kaidan gave him a quick once-over with his eyes but didn't see any serious injuries.

"John, we need to go. Come on, get up. Are-- are you wounded, John?" Kaidan breathed quietly as he tried to regain his equilibrium, placing a firmer palm on the man's back.

"Wounded, not wounded. Does it matter? It's... it's all coming to pieces. The pain, stop. Make the voices stop. Don't stop. Never stop," Shepard continued ranting in that voice that lacked even a hint of humanity or warmth. Kaidan fought the nervous convulsions in his throat and chest, not willing to take the time to heap blame onto himself for Shepard's condition devolving into its current sad and dangerous state.

"Please, John. I need you to listen to me. It's Kaidan," Kaidan said desperately, his tone merely worried and concerned rather than terrified and shrill. "I need you to focus on my voice, John. Come back to me."

"Coming back. Going home. Home. It's not... it's not right. Never going to be right. We can't... I can't..." Shepard was quietly sobbing into himself now, the barest rocking of his body evident as he looked like he was trying to curl into himself and shut out everything around him.

Kaidan stumbled forward and clumsy splayed himself behind Shepard, trying to reach heavy arms around his damaged lover and hold him in a familiar embrace. Kaidan felt tears prick his own eyes as he wallowed in self-pity and blame, cursing whoever and whatever he could for this sorry state and situation that he'd uselessly gotten himself and the people that had counted on him, into.

"John. Listen. It's Kaidan, I-" Kaidan pushed out.

"No. Not Kaidan. Please, not Kaidan," Shepard croaked.

"Yes, it's Kaidan. I've got you sweetheart, I-" Kaidan hedged, trying all ways and means to get Shepard to come back to him.

"No. No no no no," Shepard mewled, rocking further and further into his unravelling mind.

"John, please! For the love of god, come back to-" Kaidan almost shouted, his sandpapery voice tinged with agony at watching his lover suffer this way.

"No! You're not going to take me! You're not going to take Kaidan!" Shepard yelled as he burst out of the embrace, tossing Kaidan's arms off of him like pieces of sheer cloth. Kaidan's tired mind barely registered the fact, as he tumbled bonelessly to the ground and Shepard rounded on him in a fury, fists blazing with energy and eyes staring pure hatred at him.

"John! You're not listening," Kaidan said desperately as he instinctively scuttled back away from that harsh gaze, "I'm Kaidan, I'm here John! You need to come back, come back to-"

"I'll never come to you, monster! I will never be your pet!" Shepard railed as he stepped forward. "You can take everything away from me, you can take all that I am. But I will _never_ let you lay a hand on Kaidan. You don't deserve to wear his face! You don't!"

Kaidan struggled to form words, struggled to make one last heartfelt plea toward the man that he cared so deeply and so much for, but before he could raise up a hand or open his mouth, a blinding, aching light surrounded him and wrapped him in iron fingers. His vision blanked as a muffled sound seemed to press into his body and through him and he felt weightless and floating as he tumbled through the air. With a sudden jolt, reality smashed him in the back and winded him, tearing out his precious air as his sight narrowed and his world collapsed around the sight of Shepard kneeling on the ground and roaring the most painful, soul-pulling sound he had ever heard in his life. In that last moment before unconsciousness took him, Kaidan watched as the biotic halo winked out of existence like a soap bubble and Shepard twitched and sagged to the ground.

*

Garrus sighted his next target almost casually, perched behind a stacked crate and some piping that made for an excellent, albeit flimsy, sniper's nest. Samara and Aethyta had just taken out the Adjutant's barrier and that gave him a perfect opportunity to eliminate a target that was slippery and dangerous, as well as armoured in all parts that mattered except the small piece of exposed flesh along the throat. Releasing a carefully timed breath, Garrus lined up his shot, adjusted for disturbance, and gently caressed the trigger of his Mantis, sending an armour-piercer directly into the soft vulnerability, barely even taking the time to admire his handiwork as the high-velocity round tore into the skin and travelled on to sever what served as a spinal column for these... things. He automatically clicked out the expended cartridge, shoving in a new thermal clip as he scouted for more targets while his hands unconsciously ran along his waist line, checking the remaining ammo he had left.

Things were looking much better than they had initially.

Instead of the countless hundreds, their steadfast group had whittled them down to around half that number. It seemed worst than it actually was because of the swarms of Husks that had filled up the gap like sand, though they had very little to contribute in a well fortified group assault other than to die messily and prevent some of the damage from hitting the bigger, more important targets. Garrus locked in another thermal clip as his eye scanned over the battlefield like a painter over his masterpiece, while he instinctively kept watch for Kaidan's tell-tale blue armour.

The man had becoming exceedingly reckless over the last few weeks, Garrus noted, even more reckless than what he'd noticed and seen during the War. Garrus knew that there was always a place for recklessness on the battlefield, where the shifting tides of war could inevitably lead to a quick change and scrapped plans, but still, sometimes you just needed a little finesse.

Garrus's mandibles twitched at the thought, and his eyes naturally gravitated towards the lithe yet ample figure that trailed along the fight like a waif, looking awkwardly fragile and delicate yet as strong as any material that Garrus could think of. And he knew quite a number of turian-known materials that were hard enough to scratch so-called human 'diamonds'. His one eye locked onto his target, her purple face plate giving her away to him instantly as he admired the bold beauty as she carved a swathe through the hostile groups with her tech masteries and quarian curses. Garrus trilled at the sight, a pure primal part of him wanting so very badly to join her in that fierce melee, and he brought up his rifle just in time to take a pair of disgusting Marauders clean through their heads before they had a chance to jump onto his feisty, little warrior woman.

"Thanks, Garrus." Tali's voice echoed through his head, and his plates shifted in a turian equivalent of a grin. Spirits, it was good to be fighting alongside her once again, and while he appreciated the chance to watch Tali work her own unique battlefield magic, his chameleonic eyes always kept him aware of the way the fighting was shifting.

Before he had a chance to come up with a reply, he caught sight of a stumbling blue form and immediately locked his gaze onto Kaidan, who was just mere meters away from pulling Shepard out of the fire. Garrus sighted through his scope, looking for the source of what had sent Kaidan tumbling that way and watched as an unnatural, dark form pulled itself up out of a mound of dead and claw its way over to Kaidan, who was doing his best to smother the creature in gunfire. Garrus rolled a shoulder and primed a Concussive Armour-Piercer, taking perverse glee in lining up the side of the things head before he squeezed the trigger.

His eyes widened as the figure took the bullet like a peck to the cheek, barely turning its head at the impact and Garrus pulled up momentarily in disbelief before he sighted the monster again. Just as he was about to let loose another round, Shepard's Charge dashed across the short space and blinded Garrus, making him turn briefly away from the area as the dazzling light seared through his visor. Rapidly blinking away the spots, he watched as Shepard fought, struggled and wrestled with the creature, Kaidan trying desperately to reach out to him and help him at the same time.

One of his fangs bit shallowly into his softer mouth pallet, and he ignored the sting as frustration took hold, trying to keep the dark figure in his sights as it bobbed and weaved around Shepard and the contest of force they were having.

With a jerked head motion and an open mouth, Shepard yelled something and the world vanished in azure-white. Despite himself, Garrus recoiled and pulled away from the vision, ducking back under the crates on instinct, not knowing what to expect from the show of force that Shepard had unleashed. Unbelievingly, Garrus could feel his barricade jostling under the ring of force that had surely originated from Shepard and Garrus's throat tightened at the thought of what could have befallen his best friend. His vision still wasn't fully restored, but he could make out small patches of clarity as he broke cover slowly to survey the damage done.

It was otherworldly. Every living thing that had been around Shepard had been blown almost clear back, Kaidan surprisingly the only living thing still within crawling distance of Shepard as the man knelt there in the crater of his own making. He watched as Kaidan attempted to reach Shepard, saw the Major pull up close and embrace Shepard as he tried to ground him. He expected no less from the bond that the two shared, and he knew that he'd have tried to do the same for anyone else on his team, most of all Tali. As his sight cleared a little more, he felt a pang of guilt for not keeping an eye on the young Admiral and was about to set about looking through the debris of the battlefield when Shepard stood suddenly, knocking Kaidan onto his back as his friend rounded on his lover in fury.

That wasn't good _or_ expected.

Without thought, Garrus shouldered his rifle and made sure he plotted the clearest and most direct path toward to two, hoping against hope that he would be there in time to stop anything drastic from occurring. Sending a call to the rest of the team to search for survivors and regroup, Garrus landed with a heavy _thud_ that rattled his body plates and armour, not even caring as he loped off. Turians weren't very capable at crouching, rolling or swimming, but if there was one thing they could do and do well, it was run.

*

Tiny needles of heat and cold mixed and pricked through his skin in a hundred different places. The sensation was immediately drowned out by the numbing relief that followed suit and Kaidan breathed easier as he cracked open his eyes to stare up at a cloudy, Rannoch sky. And the most beautiful, scarred turian face he had ever had the pleasure of looking upon.

"Garrus?" Kaidan choked as the medi-gel kicked in fully and sent adrenaline coursing through him, mending the worst of his injuries and getting him back onto his feet, though the pain from the lingering migraine was still at the periphery of his thoughts.

"I'm here, Kaidan. That was quite a show," Garrus replied, cocking his head in Shepard's direction.

Kaidan felt his throat close and his heart leap into his mouth. "Is he, I mean, where-"

"He's... I'm not sure, Kaidan," Garrus replied softly in that soothing bi-vocalic voice. "I gave him the standard medi-gel routine. He's not regaining consciousness though." Worry edge in despite the turian's best attempts at nonchalance and Kaidan felt the worry double in him as well.

"How's," Kaidan began but coughed as the accumulated dust and fatigue made his mouth dry, "How's everyone doing? What's the situation?"

"Like I said, it was quite a show. Here, see for yourself." Garrus pulled him gently to his feet and Kaidan swooned slightly as vertigo hit him, but he closed his eyes against the nauseating feeling and waited impatiently for it to go away. When he finally felt stable and sure enough, he opened his eyes and grimaced.

Gone. Almost everything had been swept away from the blast that Shepard had unleashed, only the largest debris, constructs and corpses remaining. Kaidan's gaze naturally sought out the man, and he stared uncomprehendingly at the still form lying prone on the ground, aware that the only thing that indicated Shepard lived at all had been Garrus's assurance and his own armour's biometric scannings of all of his team. As Kaidan paused to move closer to Shepard, another wave of dizziness hit him and he stumbled into Garrus, leaning for support as he panted softly against the turian's armour.

"We... we need to head-"

A huge, omni-directional roar sounded from the edges of the displaced battlefield and Kaidan felt a tremor of shock go through him at the sound. How many more of the things were there?

"Kaidan," Garrus said urgently, "I think we have to get going. Now."

Kaidan nodded tiredly, watching as the rest of his friends and comrades gathered on their location. Some uneasy looks passed between them, most staring questioningly at Shepard's unconscious body.

"There are more coming," Samara said looking over his shoulder and past the Normandy, "There are _many_ more coming. If you have an escape plan, now would be the best time to employ it."

"Tali!" Garrus yelled as he moved away, almost dropping Kaidan to the floor as the turian hopped over to the young quarian, who was being cradled in the arms of the Geth Hunter. It had scratches and claw marks marring its surface and the ocular device in its head appeared dimmer than usual.

"Creator Zorah was injured in the concussive force employed by Shepard Commander," the Hunter stated simply, not caring as Garrus almost pushed it out of the way to grab a hold of Tali. "She will require more advanced medical procedures to stabilize her condition."

"Dammit, Tali. I'm so sorry. Come on, we've got to get you out of here," Garrus whispered as he was hunched over his injured friend. Tired as he was, Kaidan felt another surge of dread at the thought of Tali being exposed to any contaminating particles, her quarian systems not ready to handle such an invasion. In all probability, without the Normandy, it would eventually kill her in a slow and lingering way.

Another roar startled the group, a few of the wounded civilians flinching at the sound. Kaidan turned to spy the second Reaper transport that he had seen during their initial descent and cursed himself for forgetting that he was fighting overwhelming numbers. Added to the fact that he hadn't seen a trace of the black-armoured figure, he was in a testy, foul mood.

"The Normandy can't be more than a kilometre away," Kaidan said as he addressed their small, rag-tag group. " Geth... Legion-thing. We'll need you to carry Shepard back to the Normandy with us. Garrus, can you handle taking Tali?" Garrus's wordless nod was affirmative enough. "Any casualties?"

A timid-looking salarian crept up and ventured an answer to his question. "Ah, sir. Major. We, um, we lost seven of the wounded in the fighting. We were too late to resuscitate them through traditional means or medi-gel applications. Of the original seventeen wounded, only we ten remain."

Kaidan nodded, closing away the emotional sense of loss on hearing the words. "I understand. Thank you. Alright, let's move. We've got to get to the Normandy before the Reaper troops do. Keep an eye out for anything moving in jet-black armour and if you see it, sound out. For now, we form up and move as a unit. Until then, let's head out. Kasumi, I need you to screen the rear in case there are any more, uh, surprises behind us."

"Alright, _Major_ ," came the innocently sweet reply.

Kaidan wasn't in any mood for games from the brash thief. "Would you rather stay here? Any one who wants to remain can do so," Kaidan said as he look around the small group, directing a particularly keen look at where Aria was standing nursing a bruised shoulder. The asari narrowed her gaze under his scrutiny but remained silent despite the fury in her eyes.

"Let's do this shit already, Alenko!" Jack shouted, not really pumping her fist in the air as she also sported an injury to her arm, and without another word, Kaidan turned and brought out his assault rifle, the weapon feeling even heavier under the strain of fatigue, despite the hum of artificial stimulants coursing through his system.

"Let's go."

*

"Shit, shit, shit!" Kaidan cursed roughly as he half stumbled, half clambered onto the base of the Normandy's open ramp. "Keep going, dammit!"

The brutally short journey had taken far longer than anyone would care to admit, the estimated kilometre or less feeling more like the span of half a world. They were a wounded, weary bunch as the reached the base of the great ship and it was only under the shadow of that welcome sight did his earpiece suddenly ring to life, practically bombarding him with worried questions, interrogatives and all manner of swearing from a whole host of different sources. It didn't really help with the lingering headache, but it at least let him know that Steve had made it safely back to the Normandy and that they had been trying to make radio contact for the last hour at least.

An hour. It had seemed less, or more, than that. He couldn't tell anymore and he shook these mindless thoughts from his head as he pulled as much energy as he could into his protesting muscles, forcing his leaden legs to support his weight and pull himself up the gleaming, silver trail up into the belly of the ship.

A round whizzed past his head as he jerked instinctively to the side after the fact, the after image tracing it back to the owner of the weapon as he looked up, hoping to see James, Steve or EDI as they covered their retreat back up into the Normandy.

The horde behind them were relentless. Despite the much bigger difference in distance between them, the Reapers had made it to the ship at surprising speed, owing to the fact that they were unnatural, bio-mechanical creations that were still fresh and fully operational. It had been close, almost too close, and when the Geth Hunter and Garrus had placed their first foot on the bottom of the ramp leading to the cargo entrance, Kaidan had heard the shrill cries of a Husk as it rounded the corner of a large outcropping and eyed them all hungrily. Kaidan had yelped, he was sure that was all he did, and without thought he had thrown a draining Reave that had helped to fight the tumbling exhaustion within him at the renewed use of his powers.

While it hadn't killed the Husk outright, it had incapacitated it long enough for the combined firepower of his other team mates to gun it down, splattering dark blood against the dusty ground of the quarian homeworld. Then came a pair of Marauders, already shouldering their rifles and more attacks flew to cover their escape up the stairway to safety.

Pulling up their last reserves of energy, they had managed to do a sprinting-stumble that had them reaching their escape in various places, Kaidan pulling back despite his bone-numbing weariness to cover the last few wounded who were struggling up the inclined surface. He was down to his last clip and had emptied it into the body of a Cannibal before throwing a barely-felt Warp into a Marauder that stumbled but had not quite fallen under the weak attack. Abandoning the idea entirely, Kaidan turned and raced up the ramp as weapon fire from the Cargo opening rained down and smashed into the hostiles that were building up behind him.

Another three rounds, expertly placed, flew through the air in less than a heartbeat and despite himself, he turned to watch as the three rounds impacted the ocular ports of a Ravager, another Husk and a Cannibal with frightening accuracy. All three shots had barely missed grazing his skin and he forced himself to look away as more pinpoint shots trained through the air and sank one after another into vital points and renewed his desire to head up and congratulate the shooter. Garrus would never let him live it down, he thought giddily as he reached up almost at the top, if those shots were from him. Garrus was always ribbing him about his superiority with his guns and his more than capable aim that had bested Shepard once and Kaidan ached to tell the cocky turian that Shepard had-

"Glad you could make it, Major," came a decidedly female voice as another salvo of rounds sprinted through the air above his head and hit home, smashing their way into the first four monsters that were crawling up behind him. The brilliant tactic left the bodies tumbling in makeshift obstacles that created an avalanche of bodies that bought him even more time.

As soon as Kaidan cleared the top, he thought that EDI had gone behind his back and purchased an assault-mech unit and had placed it in the cargo bay for just such an emergency. The next thought that trailed through him was that EDI, or perhaps James and Steve, had rigged a rotund turret of sorts and placed it in the entrance in order to cover their awkward retreat into the safe haven of the Normandy.

"Hurry now. We don't have much time. Move your ass." came the voice again and Kaidan managed to bite back a retort as his gaze rose slowly, taking in the sight of a round, large body, stubby legs that supported the weight and a very familiar, porcelain-like face.

"Doctor Chang?!" Kaidan blurted as he blinked deliriously. "I-- What... How..." he gabbled stupidly.

"No time for that now. Hurry." With that statement, Doctor Chang pulled him up in a surprisingly strong grip and hauled him up the last several inches before letting him fall harshly onto the floor. From his new vantage, he watched as the plump, once-shy doctor sent another trio of rounds directly into the chest cavity of a Banshee that had been hopping up the ramp, the frightening ease with which the doctor handled her pistol making him doubt his sanity.

"Wait, I don't understand. Why are-" Kaidan said as he watched the doctor send another barrage of weapon fire into the milling horde beneath with enough deadliness, finesse and accuracy to make even Garrus purr with envy.

"You don't listen do you? I told you. Later," came the off-handed reply from the pudgy woman and Kaidan felt a spark of indignation at being addressed by the timid woman push away the all-encompassing exhaustion as he struggled to get answers.

"Now hold on there doctor, why don't we-" Kaidan began again only to be interrupted by Steve and James, both heavily armed as they honed in on him.

"Major! Did you see? Man, this doc' is _ardiente_! I mean, I thought Scars was bad ass enough, but this _chica_? Damn!" James crowed happily, still cradling his own smoking assault rifle.

"Sorry to have worried you Major," Steve cut in more appropriately, "But with those blockers up, and so near us no less, it was almost impossible to establish any contact with you."

"I... Yeah," Kaidan finished lamely as the different scenarios crashed and fell to the ground in his head. Priorities, Kaidan, priorities.

"You-- you did good Steve. Great run on that first transport," Kaidan said as he tried to take stock of the situation.

"Yeah, though we didn't really count on there being another one of those-"

"I hate to break it to you, gentlemen," Doctor Chang interrupted, "But the situation is urgent. Do your gossiping elsewhere."

James shook his head wonderingly at the round woman as he tried to hide a grin and Steve looked torn between admiration and chagrin. Kaidan knew which emotion was clearly going to express itself in the next few minutes if he didn't pass over into unconsciousness.

"John? Is he..." Kaidan asked first forcing himself to remain standing as the muscles in his legs burned.

Steve nodded, releasing a gusty sigh of relief from Kaidan. "He's fine. Still unconscious. We've sent him up to the..." a quick darting look at Doctor Chang still taking out hostiles with impunity, "the med bay. She says he'll hold for now. And Tali too. You're the last up apparently."

"Huh," came a voice from beside him as Kasumi materialized out of thin air. "Almost last. You wouldn't have made it that last few feet if I hadn't pushed you all the way. Would've been easier if you didn't wear something so heavy though. Also found this titbit on you." With that, Kasumi flashed a full thermal clip into being, like a sleight of hand and Kaidan's eyes widened before she made the thing disappear again.

"EDI!" Kaidan's voice rang through the air as James and Steve took position beside the good doctor and began to support her with even more firepower, though with the Kodiak-wide length of the ramp, it made it quite unnecessary since the sheer weight of numbers meant little, being bottlenecked in that fashion. Kaidan watched the tumbling bodies as he waited for the AI's response.

"Yes, Major Alenko?" EDI replied with endearing accuracy.

"We're all clear. Let's get moving. And seal off the cargo bay doors."

"That would be a prudent decision, Major," EDI said smugly and almost instantly the huge, wall-sized doors began to slide close, the base portion already sliding up the shield the four of them away from the most imminent dangers. Kasumi had already re-cloaked and sauntered off somewhere and for the meantime, Kaidan wasn't too bothered with her.

"Well, now," Doctor Chang began as she rounded on him, "Let's see what we have here." Kaidan noticed that she still had the pistol gripped firmly in her hand as she approached him intently. Despite himself, he flinched at the sight of the large yet short woman steamrolling her way over to him.

Without warning, just before the doors fully shut themselves, a Husk crawled up over the ascending wall and squeezed itself past before the tiny space closed itself off. Landing with a harsh thud, it immediately recovered and picked itself up, casting a predatory gaze over the assembled group and immediately seizing upon the opportunity to attack the perceived weakest of their number, who also had her back conveniently turned toward it. With a gleeful, hollow howl, it launched itself through the open space and latched itself onto Doctor Chang before Kaidan even realized what had occurred.

Like a liquid shadow, Doctor Chang melted under the assault and calmly grabbed the Husk by its swollen head and desiccated shoulders, using her incredible bulk and the creature's own momentum to twist it once and fling it casually across her shoulders, twisting her wrists as the creature tumbled away from her. Keeping her grip locked, she pulled up and away as the Husk flew to the floor, serving not only to twist the horror's neck in a severing stroke but also dashing it to the floor with a resounding _clang_.

Doctor Chang immediately straightened up, breathing slightly harder than usual Kaidan noted blearily, and pressed a booted heal against the chest of the already still corpse, proceeding to raise her pistol and firing a quick succession of shots, small, precise holes appearing in the Husk's eye socket, forehead and chest. With a delicate snort, Doctor Chang removed her boot and promptly toed the corpse away with disinterest.

"No more of that now," she said while the pistol swayed with the motion of her hand, "Let's get you to the med-bay soon, Major Alenko."

Kaidan flinched at the force behind the woman's words and he felt his thoughts sway as he tried to hold them together. Where the hell had that diminutive, frightened woman disappeared to? Had she been indoctrinated or sent as some sleeper agent? That wouldn't have explained why she had helped them all, not to mention the severe differences in her character or why she suddenly chose to reveal her real self. He shook the thought away; his mind was beginning to grey around the edges from exhaustion. Placing a mental note firmly in his mind, Kaidan made it a point to investigate the situation as soon as he could.

"Tali," Kaidan croaked as he felt strong arms lift him to his feet, "Tali, is she... Will she be alright?"

"I've had her placed in a sterile life-support system that can address the medical needs of quarians," Doctor Chang said as she trailed behind them. "She will be fine for now and later. I was just asked to come down, it seems."

Kaidan wondered at the last statement. Who on Earth would ask a medical officer to come down in the middle of a rout to shore up the defences?

Apparently he hadn't kept the question as private as he had hoped and Steve answered good-naturedly from his other side. "Well, when EDI calls for all hands, you listen. That woman can do things to make your life a living hell on this ship."

Kaidan opened his mouth to speak, to ask more questions about their situation and the status. He didn't have time to head to the med-bay to be prodded at by this two-faced vixen of a woman and he needed to get on top of things before they crumbled away from under him. With the best intentions in his mind, and the constantly failing attempts to order his thoughts around the spikes of the headache and the mugginess of his fatigue, Kaidan still tried to ask more questions about the crew and the beacon and how they had almost been caught with their pants down, metaphorically speaking. As he felt himself sagging deeper and deeper against Steve and James, Kaidan's haphazard list of questions evaporated into the darkness of his mind and his eyes slid shut as exhaustion and abuse finally sent him crashing to the floor in silence.


	19. The Cleaving of Friends

Kaidan jerked awake and a comforting hand stole over his skin to grasp his arm in a reassuring grip. His eyes blinked open and he immediately regretted the act as the harsh lights that floated above his vision seared into his sensitive retinas and caused him to flinch back with a wince. The hand was still gripping him.

"John?" Kaidan croaked wearily.

The hand paused slightly in the gentle motions of its thumb, moving away just slightly that Kaidan could feel an easing of the pressure on his arm but still feel the warm tingle of skin touching his own.

"Hey. No, sorry. It's me, Steve." Kaidan bit back a disappointed sound and forced himself to rest his head on the hard bio-synth pillow under him as he gathered his thoughts. He recognized the smell, one that he had become intimately familiar with despite his best efforts and without too much thought, he knew that he was lying prone in the Normandy's Medical Bay. Taking it in incremental steps, Kaidan fluttered his eyes weakly as he tried to quickly adjust to the lights of the room.

"Hey. Sorry. About that, I mean. I thought it was John," Kaidan finished unnecessarily. He turned his head to the direction that Steve's voice had come from and he finally managed to get his vision to clear enough to see his friend properly.

"Yeah, I get that," Steve said quietly.

Pulling away from under Steve's warm hand, Kaidan pushed his elbows up under himself and levered up away from the cold metallic bed. Despite the number of times he'd found himself waking up suddenly in the ship's med-bay, he still wasn't used to the fact that this state-of-the-art, Cerberus-remade comfort ship had a medical facility that made a prison feel comfortable and downright cosy. Maybe he should consider putting in a requisition for some bio-synth anti-microbial mattresses and furnishings for the small area, especially if he was going to keep on being a regular tenant.

"How's-" Kaidan interrupted himself with a dry cough, "How's everyone doing? What's the, um, the situation?"

Steve pulled back as Kaidan swung his legs over the side of the medical examination table, a considering look passing over Steve's face as Kaidan fixed a bleary yet inquisitive look on him.

"Order of importance?" Steve asked and Kaidan nodded his assent, "We're in orbit above Rannoch. Stealth systems engaged. From what we can tell, the Reaper troops were only situated at our location. Somehow, despite everything, they managed to track us to that particular LZ."

"I wouldn't be surprised at anything those things did," Kaidan grumbled.

"Me neither. That's apparently why EDI thought it was necessary to take all available precautions. We left the planet's surface hours ago." Steve shrugged casually at the statement.

"How long was I out for?" Kaidan asked in return,

"Not long. Probably three or four hours? We've been monitoring the situation while EDI integrated the third beacon into the first. She says she's been having some problems with that, but she should be done in another couple of hours," Steve concluded thoughtfully.

"What's the rest of the crew been up to since I was out?" Kaidan asked in a general manner.

Steve's eyes sharpened at the question briefly before turning back to their placid gaze once more. "Oh, the usual. Tali's been doing alright. She got patched up really quick but there were some contaminants that got past her suit's defences. She'll be out of it for a few days at least, some kind of quarian flu or something. She's been meaning to talk to you. She's with Garrus, over at the crew quarters. The rest are scattered around the ship, doing what they do best when no one's watching." Steve's mouth crinkled with a hint of a grin.

"And... John?" Kaidan elaborated, voice dropping to a whisper.

A worried shadow flickered across the pilot's face and disappeared before Kaidan fully registered that it had happened. With a sad wave of his hand, Steve gestured behind Kaidan, causing him to turn slowly as he prepared himself for the worst.

Shepard lay prone along another of the med-bay's examination tables, dressed in his civvies and wrapped up in a sterile medical cloth that looked alarmingly to Kaidan like a funeral shroud, though it was pulled up to the man's chest rather than over his head. Kaidan watched the slow rising and falling of his lover's breathing and felt equal parts terror and relief at seeing the soft motions of life sliding in and out of Shepard's body. The man was connected to two IV tubes and a small myriad of other devices were strapped along at seemingly random points around his torso and head. Shepard's eyes were closed and his face had a sickeningly pale pallor as he twitched and murmured through his unconsciousness. Kaidan stared at the man, just absorbing himself in watching the careful rhythm of Shepard's breathing and he ached to reach across and grab the man's hand in his own in a vice-like grip. He looked so fragile and vulnerable.

"He's been like that since we brought him in," Steve said quietly from behind Kaidan, who refused to tear his sight away from his injured lover. "Don't really know what's wrong, though I heard from some of the others that he was... pretty brutal on Rannoch. His screens have checked out, from what I got at least, and there doesn't seem to be anything particularly serious going on, but he's just not waking up. Doctor Chang wanted to perform an invasive REM probe but she'd need your permission for something that drastic."

Kaidan whipped about at the mention of the stocky, delicate-looking harridan of a woman, not sure whether the concern that spiked within him came from the idea of Shepard's brain being opened like a jar of pickles or that he finally remembered what exactly the good doctor had been like before his collapse in the cargo bay.

"I... Oh, um, I see you're up, ah, Major. I'm just... I didn't mean to suggest something like that, it's just..." Doctor Chang trailed off and Kaidan watched her hawkishly as she sat awkwardly at the medical officer's desk. Kaidan pushed himself up further, anger lending him more strength and washing away the rest of his fatigue as he opened his mouth for a scathing reply. And then did a double-take.

That didn't sound like the Doctor Chang he saw flip a Husk over her shoulder like it was a piece of meat at a butchers.

"Doctor? Are... are you feeling alright?" Kaidan hedged suspiciously.

"Oh, what? Me? Why, yes, yes. I'm fine. It was quite something, I can't really recall but, um, I heard it was terrible. So much fighting on Rannoch. Terrible!" Doctor Chang sputtered as she fidgeted with a haptic pen in between her hands. Steve was casting a studious gaze back and forth between the doctor and Kaidan, but had folded his hands in his lap as he quietly watched the unfolding scene rather than take part.

"What exactly _do_ you remember?" Kaidan asked sharply, finding it difficult to moderate his tone.

Doctor Chang flinched like she'd been threatened with a knife and cast her gaze to the floor as she swirled the pen in trembling hands. "There... there was a... something... Communications block or so EDI said. And then there were horrible sounds. All over, everywhere. I... I was so afraid. But EDI called for all hands, and I... I'm a medical officer! I couldn't let people just die like that! I had to make my way to the cargo bay... and... and an ensign saw me. He placed a... a... Um, I think I got hit on the head. Maybe. I was in the medical bay, treating Admiral Tali!"

An icy chill forged its way down his spine and Kaidan saw Steve fix a curious glance at the trembling woman before focusing back on him again. Indoctrination? Could it be that Doctor Chang was indoctrinated? Hearing strange sounds, disconcerted memories and a violent tendency? And she hadn't been in the cargo bay when they had done their first inspection for an indoctrinated presence on Thessia. How many more people might have become contaminated by the Reaper's sickly influence?

"How... how are you feeling now?" Kaidan asked warily, trying to swallow the lump in his throat as his fingers twitched for a pistol or some other firearm.

With a casting glance around her worktable, the round woman replied a little unsteadily. "Um... I'm fine. I think. Yes, I'm fine, perhaps just a little exhausted from the day's events. A little uncomfortable with all the fighting. I'm not really much of a fighter..."

Kaidan begged to differ from the vivid recollections that were playing in his mind right then, the woman's piercing accuracy, brusque tongue and extraordinary strength. It didn't make any sense and a thousand question were crowding his head when he spied the interface of the Mordin VI, winking invitingly up at him at the edge of the MO's table.

"I... I think that perhaps you should have a rest. A little lie down perhaps, doctor. We need you at your best I think," Kaidan said, making it clear he was not offering her a choice in the matter.

Another flinch and Doctor Chang raised herself slowly up off her chair, downcast gaze flickering slightly as she trembled under his scrutiny. Kaidan watched as a single tear fell onto the cold, hard floor of the deck. "I... I understand. Yes, probably a good idea," Doctor Chang whispered quietly and without another word, she rushed out over to the door and disappeared around the corner before it had shut completely.

"What the hell was that about, Kaidan?" Steve asked after the silence had stretched uncomfortably long.

"Might be nothing, or maybe not," Kaidan replied elusively as he pushed himself up off the table, stretching his muscles as he made his way to the doctor's table. Files, folios and data-pads were placed neatly in their holders and binders and the desk was neat and spotless, tools and implements carefully arranged in neat rows and collected in wells that suggested an orderly, routine mind. Certainly not the deranged path of an indoctrinated servant.

"Care to be more specific?" Steve asked as the pilot joined him at the table.

"Come on, Steve," Kaidan said hotly, "You saw what she was like. What she did. I mean, I know we don't see that kind of thing very often, but did you really _see_ what that woman did? She took out a Banshee with a pistol and no back up! And her mannerism? Stuttering, fragile doll one minute, the next and she's almost John's equal in presence. Didn't you even find that a little weird?"

"Everything on this ship is weird, Kaidan," Steve said reassuringly, "I won't even know where to begin if we started listing of weirdness off the bat."

"I... I can't take that risk, Steve," Kaidan responded, "With, um, with everything we've seen, all that we're doing? Didn't it occur to you that maybe Doctor Chang might be indoctrinated? The behaviour, it's... it's just strange, you know? And all the reports have mentioned hearing voices, strange personality shifts. Not to mention psychotic episodes. If she can handle a pistol like _that_ , I really don't want her going murderous in the middle of an FTL push through the relays."

"I guess you have a point there," Steve said slowly, clearly not following along the exact same train of thought. "So, then. What do we do? Lock her up somewhere till we get this sorted out? We still need an active Medical Officer, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Kaidan said as he sat on the chair and turned to fiddle with the VI console. "Sometimes I wish Doctor Chakwas was still with us. Always trusted her with everything and she was always so cool, and so collected."

"That's not really an option right now is it?" Steve said lightly. "So, what exactly did you have in mind?"

Kaidan continued fiddling with the device before him, running through the initiating systems. "Well,  I was there when Shepard spoke to Mordin about this VI. They've been collecting and storing knowledge from across the galaxy. Not to mention Mordin's been around Doctor Chang since he disappeared on Tuchanka. With any luck, maybe it'll have some information on her. Maybe... I dunno, possible exposure to Reaper devices? When she might have come in contact with Reapers? We'll see. I'm not letting her run the med-bay if Shepard's going to be out of it here, all alone."

Steve fell silent after that, which was just as well since the holographic display popped up and a miniature Mordin Solus manifested itself in a twinkling of yellowish, orange light. The diminutive figure stalked the neatly arranged table top as it seemed to cock its tiny salarian head in a studying look over the two humans who were hunched over it in anticipation.

"Ah. Detecting queries. How can I help?" came the tiny, slightly metallic voice of Mordin Solus.

"What makes you think there's any information about her in there?" Steve asked sensibly as Kaidan paused to frame his inquiry.

Kaidan turned and passed over a general comment. "It's the only thing I can think of. I mean, considering how sparse her file was and the time she must have spent with Mordin. It should be the most obvious place."

"Here's hoping," Steve muttered just as Kaidan asked, "Major Kaidan Alenko, requesting information on Doctor Anna Chang."

"Searching archives," came the VI's reply and Kaidan ticked the seconds off in his head as he waited for the program to finish its search. "Found. Two entries."

"Play," Kaidan said as he leaned back in the chair, preparing for a lengthy discourse on their mysterious doctor. He noticed that Steve had pulled up his chair and was getting comfortable as well.

"Unable to comply. Clearance not recognized," the miniature Mordin pleasantly reiterated.

Kaidan frowned and instinctively brought up his omni-tool, already running system bypasses and hacking routines so that he could breach the VI's defences and peruse the information that he was looking for at his leisure.

"Warning. Hacking routine detected. Cease action recommended. Backup protocol will initiate should attempts continue." The little Mordin continued to pace slightly as Kaidan struggled to overcome the complicated system and Kaidan swore he saw the tiniest of smirks on the translucent salarian's face. "Warning. All data will be erased."

Kaidan immediately shut down his hacks, feeling piqued and frustrated at being out manoeuvred by Mordin's VI.

"Well, that's put an end to that, I think," Steve summed up as he stretched back, slight humour evident in his voice.

Kaidan stared furiously at the face of Mordin's replica, thoughts churning as he tried to find some legitimate way to access the information that he so desperately wanted to know about. Surely it couldn't be _that_ simple?

"Commander of the Normandy, SPECTRE Kaidan Alenko," he began slowly, "Requesting information on Doctor Anna Chang for crew suitability and consideration."

"Searching. Please wait, verifying authority. Have some test on seashells if you want something to read."

Kaidan looked flabbergasted as Steve choked back a laugh. "No thank you."

"Understandable," came the VI's smooth reply. "Kaidan Alenko, Commander of the Normandy. Second human SPECTRE. Authority accepted. Two files on Doctor Anna Chang."

"What files?" Kaidan asked as he felt a flush of triumph shoot through him. He couldn't believe that it had worked, though from what he knew about Mordin, he should have assumed from the start that his high praise of the woman would have allowed him to grant clearance for her Commanding Officer to access. He just hadn't expected the VI to be so damn... specific about the whole thing.

"First file, publicly available bio-data and mission specific dossier. Comprised of short information regarding-"

"Hold," Kaidan said firmly impatient, "Second file?"

"Second file," the VI elaborated, "Classified medical history and personal observations of Doctor Chang under care of one Mordin Solus during the time of-"

"Play file," Kaidan said with a quick glance at Steve who merely shrugged.

"Doctor Anna Chang. No hereditary diseases detected, standard gene mods integrated during introduction to Alliance training and completion," the Mordin VI began, the little figure pacing on the desk as Kaidan watched and nodded to himself. "Military postings consisted of several human colonies with particular emphasis on Terminus Colonies. Last posting as Medical Officer-cum-Specialist, dated Earth Standard October 25th, 2184 BCE."

Kaidan started at the information. That had been the time that the Collector abductions had been reaching their peak and had at last drawn the attention of all major forms of authority within the galaxy as to the urgent plight that the human colonists were facing as vulnerable targets out at the fringes of the galaxy.

"Which colony was she posted to?" Kaidan asked as he leant forward, getting more and more absorbed into the retelling.

"Colony, Jobboc. Planet, Capek. Haskins System, Titan Nebula."

"I've never heard of a colony all the way out there," Steve brought up suddenly and Kaidan echoed the sentiment. He had been part of the group that had been searching for information on the abducted colonies and hadn't come across the name that he could recall. There had been indications of settlements there, but nothing official.

"What happened to the colony?" Kaidan asked curiously.

"Complete eradication," came the VI's unfeeling answer. "Jobboc colony residents at estimated three hundred and forty nine. Collector abductions claimed all individuals save one Doctor Anna Chang."

"How the hell was that possible?" Kaidan blurted out. From what he'd heard, there had been no survivors of any kind from any of the Collector attacks, at least not before Shepard had stepped onto the playing field, and he would have known if an Alliance Medical Officer had survived and witnessed the action. They might have gotten stronger leads during his investigations at the time.

"Reasons unknown," the VI stated unhelpfully, "Doctor Anna Chang extracted post-abduction. Suffered extreme malnutrition and dehydration with indications of partial memory loss and brain damage. Most anomalies reconstructed. Standard physical reinforcement of premature trauma initiated, then improved upon during subsequent years. Both official and personal. Brain however, complicated. Consequence of ordeal resulted in development of extreme bi-polar schizophrenia."

And just like that another piece clicked into place for Kaidan.

Steve whistled in appreciation at the revelation. "Wow. That's... extreme. And very enlightening."

"Why the hell wasn't this stated in her standard dossier?" Kaidan asked in puzzlement.

"Reasons unknown," the VI repeated. "Medical records exist under jurisdiction of Alliance Military Intelligence. Summary of observations conducted by Mordin Solus indicates psychological regression during moments without present stimuli. Stimuli includes presence of general firearms, triggering relapses of personality shifts that result in oscillating extremes. Removal of items begins development of opposite psyche. Typical effects of change observed, including but not limited to, memory loss, slight dislocation between self and motor function that-"

"Stop," Kaidan said as he turned over to Steve. "Well, I guess that explains what we saw happen to Doctor Chang."

Steve pursed his lips thoughtfully as he digested the information. "Yeah. Seeing your people, your friends being killed and stolen by monsters can have that effect on you. She must have been suffering through the trauma and her mind split under the burden, even as her body began to cave in. Huh, makes you wonder which Chang was she before. Can't even imagine using all your skills to save those around you but finding out it isn't enough. Must have been why a part of her was locked away." A dark, foreboding look flitted over Steve's features and all of a sudden Kaidan felt his throat go dry.

"Hey, Steve... I mean, I didn't know that we'd be going back to look at the Collector abductions. If you, um..." Kaidan began slowly but Steve shrugged off his concern, slipping into his old, comfortable mask again.

"I can sort of understand what she went through, though they aren't related emotionally I suppose." Steve looked thoughtful as he considered. "Well, I guess she's not indoctrinated, I mean. Just overly traumatized." And with that, Steve directed a piercing look at Kaidan that made him flinch at the statement.

"Yeah, I, um, I guess I owe her an apology," Kaidan grimaced. What had he been thinking, jumping on the woman like that after everything she'd done for them on Rannoch and without prior knowledge of her past and what she'd been through. He must have shattered her delicate façade with his accusations and hurting tone, and Kaidan made it a fixed point to find the doctor and make it up to her, some how.

"What I want to know is why Admiral Hackett didn't include this in the file he gave me, and why she hasn't been discharged over her fragile mentally state," Kaidan voiced aloud, shutting down the VI as it asked for another enquiry.

"Beats me. I'm just a pilot," Steve said casually, "But like I said before, not the only strange thing that's happened on this ship."

"Yeah..." Kaidan said, trailing off as his mind began to dissect the information and take dark turns. Maybe that had been Hackett's intention all along, stick an extremely capable, innocuous doctor along with them to act as some phantom jailor for Shepard. With a gun in her hand, she was so vastly underestimated that she would have easily taken out most of them on the ship before giving herself up. The thought chilled him deeply the more he considered it, especially if the time ever came if he decided to approach Hackett with the accusation.

Steve had noticed the silence that had descended around Kaidan and had stood up, making an excuse to check up on the Kodiak and Kaidan startled out of his musings. He couldn't let Steve go just yet, especially since now was the perfect opportunity to get what he wanted out of the pilot.

"Steve, I... Thank you. For being here for Shepard. And for me. I mean. It, um, it means a lot," Kaidan said quietly.

"Of course Major," Steve said playfully as he turned to go.

"I, um, I was hoping that maybe I could talk to you about something," Kaidan began and watched with curiosity as Steve stiffened and halted his foot mid-walk for a heartbeat longer than necessary before turning around, slowly, to face him, face set in a _very_ careful mask. That was interesting.

"What did you want to talk about?" Steve asked innocently and Kaidan could almost taste the other man's tension despite the heavy amount of nonchalance the other man wrapped around his words.

Kaidan fought furiously for calm as he tried to make his question seem as innocuous as possible. "Oh, um, nothing much really. I was just... a little curious about the Kodiak. How's it holding up after everything?"

Steve's mask turned brittle as he stood at rigid attention, back ram-rod straight and hands clenched behind him, before calming down slightly and casting a down-turned look, not willing for some reason to meet Kaidan's eyes.

"The, uh, the Kodiak? She's good. Got some improvements I've been working on, but nothing too serious. It's an odd question," Steve said still looking at the floor of the med-bay.

"Why's that odd, Steve?" Kaidan prompted when Steve didn't continue along that line of thought.

"Well..." Steve hesitated a moment before struggling forward, "I've never really known you to take much interest in my work in the cargo bay before now. Any special reason?"

Kaidan attempted a thoughtful look before he put forward his own appeal. "Well, Shepard's been telling me about... getting to know the ship and crew a little more. I mean, we've been friends since Earth and all that but, you know, I've never actually tried to get to know what you do for the ship. For us. I'd, um, I'd like to learn a few things if I can. Broaden my horizons a little."

Steve's face was a riot of barely concealed curiosity and concern and the symphony of emotions took a little time to settle back into his usual calm and solemn appearance. "That... would be interesting," Steve said carefully.

"Just, um, just trying to get a sense of where the crew's at, you know?" Kaidan replied, feeling the strings of memory tug within him.

Steve breathed a sigh before continuing. "Like I said Major, this ship is just full of crazy, I really don't even know where to-"

Kaidan's omni-tool chirped, interrupting Steve mid-sentence and Kaidan cast a apologetic look at the man before swinging his arm up to initiate the incoming call.

"Tali?" Kaidan blurted in surprise.

"Kaidan," Tali sniffled, sounding slightly phlegmy, "Heard from Doctor Chang you were up. I need to speak to you in the cargo bay, if you can. Or I can come up if you're not feeling up to making your way down here."

"No, no. I'm fine. I'll be on my way, Tali." Kaidan shut off the call and his omni-tool turning a questioning look at Steve who returned with a casual shrug.

"Full of crazy and I meant it." With a wry grin, Steve gestured towards the door and led the way down into the hold of the Normandy.

*

Tali shifted uncomfortably as she tried to minimize the pull of her suit against the worst of her injuries. Despite the infections being fought within her body, she still had to strength to stay standing during her lengthy explanation. Garrus was looking none the worse for wear but was trying hard not to meet Kaidan's gaze as he constantly eyed anything else but the sputtering, stunned biotic in the middle of their small little group.

Kaidan had just emerged from the Normandy's elevator and had ground to a halt as he spied the semi-circle of friends arranged carefully near the weaponry and armoury consoles that ringed the back of the cargo bay. For a moment, he envisioned a galactic intervention group of sorts, of how his comrades and friends would attempt to come between him and his mission and panic flared and died within him as Tali strode forward, barely supported by Garrus, and made her case.

As the young quarian trailed off, Kaidan became distinctly aware of his mouth hanging open like a gaping thresher maw and he shut it with a click that barely missed clipping his tongue.

"But... I... Why, Tali?" Kaidan asked when he could finally string the words together in some semblance of coherence.

Tali shifted again as the hurt and plea in Kaidan's voice almost made her reconsider her request. "I'm... sorry Kaidan. Really, I am. But my people need me. My planet needs me. After everything we've been through, all that we've done to reclaim our homeworld? We cannot spare any effort until we've gained some stability at least."

"I... know, but I..." What could he say? That he knew her people needed her, but was hoping that Shepard's needs would outweigh that of an entire race? Near-sighted and selfish, Kaidan scolded himself harshly.

"Look, it's... it's not as bad as it looks," Tali ventured, trying to soften the blow, "You'll still have James and Steve and... well, I know you humans are resourceful and brilliant at times. With the Normandy, there should be nothing that could possibly stand in your way."

Kaidan felt a worm of anger thread through him at the words. "And... Garrus?"

The turian looked uncomfortable at having Kaidan's ire directed at him, but ever the warrior, he braced himself and raised his head in a proud gesture that hurt all the more because Kaidan knew that that was the look Garrus always had when he was prepared for a tough fight. Against the enemy.

"I'm needed there, with Tali, and I can do more good than I can here in any case," Garrus said simply, with an easy tone, despite the steely look in his eye. Kaidan had to grit his teeth to stop the furious shout from escaping his lips, about how Shepard needed them as much as Rannoch and her people did. A quiet voice at the back of his head was scolding him once again.

"But Shepard he... I need you Garrus. I need your experience, your skill. I can't... I wouldn't know how to get myself going if I didn't...." Kaidan struggled to express the fear of losing Garrus's strength on board the Normandy but the turian was nothing if not observant.

"You'll do fine," Garrus said as he shifted his feet. Damn but Kaidan hated not knowing well enough of the body language of his alien friends. "You've grown, Kaidan. We all have. But now? With everything coming to a close? We have our own needs and responsibilities. And loved ones to attend to." Garrus fixed a heated look at Tali who didn't seem to notice the turian's scrutiny. Kaidan felt his protests die in his throat as he recognized the burn of desire that shone through Garrus's eyes. Would he have been able to abandon Shepard if Earth needed him? In the past, perhaps, but with the way things had changed over the long months, the question was academic at best.

"I... Isn't there anything I could say to convince you otherwise?" Kaidan asked as he tried one more desperate, heartfelt plea.

Garrus and Tali shared a quick look, something unidentifiable passing between them as Tali turned once more to address him. "I'm sorry Kaidan, really I am, but there's nothing you can say. This time, we really are needed elsewhere."

Kaidan felt his shoulders slump in defeat as the weight on his back doubled and pressed more harshly down on him. He had always counted on having Garrus's strength and Tali's ingenuity as part of his mission but it seemed that what the galaxy gave to him in kindness, it was more than willing to take away in spite.

"I understand," Kaidan said tightly as he turned to the rest of the group who were silently standing by, watching to conversation play out. "Will... Will anyone else need permission to leave the Normandy?" Kaidan asked formally, not allowing himself the opportunity to voice his grief and frustration and snap at them for being traitors when Shepard needed them most, ailing away in the ship's med-bay.

"I'm with them," Aria T'Loak said succinctly as she still refused to look him in the face, but took a small, light step in Tali and Garrus's location. Well, he'd expected that, it was only a matter of time before the unstable crime lord jumped ship and despite the hatred she seemed to have for every inch of the Normandy, Kaidan wouldn't have been too disappointed if she had volunteered to stay.

"I'm not so fucking sure just yet," Jack offered, a contemplative look passing over her face. Kaidan watched blandly as Kasumi materialized behind Garrus, not looking in his direction as she made her choice obvious.

"Hey, Major! Don't I get a say in this?" James called from the rear of the cargo bay and a dark look passed over Kaidan's face as he whipped around to vent some of his building rage, only to watch as Steve laid a firm hand on the young marine's bulging arms and spoke in terse, clipped tones that had James grimacing and blushing furiously as he waved the question away.

"We have decided that it would be more... prudent if you would allow us passage up until Tuchanka," Samara ventured while he still tried to pin down James with a glare, the man looking sheepish at his outburst. The statement from the Justicar quelled some of the hurt building up inside him instinctively but he knew from previous conversations that they had had, it was delirious to think that the asari and her counterpart were offering to stay on the Normandy balanced against the need that Thessia had.

"I... understand," Kaidan said haltingly, throat burning with the admission, "Is there any particular reason for Tuchanka?"

Samara looked thoughtful as Matriarch Aethyta tried to lighten the mood with poorly concealed humour. "Aww, babe. Don't you know? All the krogan there, living up their good lives. They're gonna need someone to pour the drinks when all those babies get born. Not to mention a good head-bashing if they get too rowdy, eh?"

Samara calmly took a step forward as she considered his question and answered in simple tones, like a lecturer speaking to a student. "The galactic relays act as transport hubs. The Serpent Nebula and the Omega System holding opposite poles. Most of the relays must pass through another that it is linked to in order to proceed towards the next one. Put simply, we are making our way to Thessia and Tuchanka will allow for faster travel." Samara turned a pointed look at Matriarch Aethyta as if to tell her they wouldn't be putting down roots on the krogan homeworld and the Matriarch looked somewhat mollified with the stare. Still, she brought up a saucy grin that had Samara turning back to Kaidan.

"Of course," Kaidan offered heavily, "I'd be glad to get you there."

Samara placed a delicate hand on his shoulder, causing him to look upward and meet her eyes. "You will do well. For such a short-lived race, you have accomplished much and your love for Shepard is extraordinary. It will drive you forward as you need to. I will be glad to offer what assistance and knowledge I can while we are still within the confines of the ship. I hope that it will be enough to turn matters in your favour."

Kaidan nodded at the gracious offer, at least for the relative company that would still be aboard the Normandy during the long jumps toward Tuchanka.

"We have reached a unanimous consensus within ourselves," came the tinny voice from the Geth Hunter stationed at the edge of the group, "We will be willing to accompany you, Alenko Major, if you will have us."

Kaidan felt a tired smile tug at the corners of his mouth as he was ready to assume the Geth platform would be accompanying Tali back toward the homeworld. While he was minutely grateful for the machine's decision, curiosity made him bold.

"Uh, I'm grateful. Really. But may I ask, why?" Kaidan directed at the Geth.

Facial plates whirred and clicked as they moved in a synchronous dance, a brief, hypnotic swirl. "We understand the requirements of Creator Zorah's leadership in the development of the Creators' and Geth's mutual efforts on Rannoch. Such responsibilities are not required of us. We wish to learn more about... everything and our software indicates a ninety-nine percent probability that such exposure would be more available during your... mission. We wish to help."

Kaidan nodded gratefully at the platform, this time letting the smile crack his emotionally battered expression as he accepted the Geth's decision.

"Let Steve know when you're ready to leave," Kaidan said as he swept his gaze over those who were opting to leave. "We'll hold here until he's ready. It's been an honour," Kaidan said nodding to Kasumi and including Aria in his gesture. "Stay in touch, Tali, Garrus. I'd... I'd welcome it if we could keep in contact."

"Of course, Kaidan," Tali said in a wheezy rush, obviously relieved that he hadn't pressed the issue any longer, "I can rig up something so that EDI can make direct contact through the QEC and link it to us."

"Good luck, Kaidan," Garrus offered along with his clawed hand which Kaidan took after the briefest of pauses, "Though with you at his side, I doubt Shepard would need it."

Kaidan nodded briefly at the assembled group and turned on his heels as he walked away from his friends, who were already beginning to disperse and make preparations for their departure. As he moved towards Steve to brief the pilot on what they had just discussed, Kaidan felt each step echo hollowly as he felt more and more alone the further on he walked.

*

Kaidan felt a stifled yawn crack his jaw as the doors to the medical bay slid open, the hydraulic hiss quick and clean, barely muffling the sounds of his heavy footfalls as he made a tired beeline toward the only other person in the room.

Shepard lay as he had when Kaidan had first regained consciousness, some ten hours ago. The machines that surrounded him and breathed life into the man's body looked like votive priests, worshipfully huddled around their deity as they struggled to realize their purpose. The ship's night cycle was already well into what should have been past the middle of the night and Steve had just docked his Kodiak into the bay not minutes before. Kaidan had been there to greet him, after filing his reports, speaking to Hackett about their recent encounter with the Reaper forces and searching out Doctor Chang for a profuse and heartfelt apology, not to mention the unending laundry list of things that the Normandy's Commander and Captain had to do just to make sure that everything was running along smoothly. His heart was still heavy at watching Steve and James exit the shuttle where before it had been filled with more people and supplies that he would sorely miss. James had made his way to the armoury lockers to stow his gear and Kaidan had forced himself to remain attentive as he inspected and explored the Kodiak in a finer detail than he was used to.

After Steve's fifth consecutive yawn, Kaidan apologized and let his tired friend make his grateful way to the mess for a hot shower and a meal before heading off to the communal bunks for his rest. Kaidan had puttered a little more after the elevator doors had closed, running through in his exhausted head all the things that he had picked up so far. It proved a little difficult, his attention wavering as sleep pounded on the door and demanded entrance.

Knowing he wouldn't get any further, Kaidan had made his way up into the mess himself, grabbing a quick bite and hasty shower as the silent, daunting space enveloped him in partial darkness, the sounds from his ablutions and muttered words echoing and ringing through the metallic space as they flung themselves back at him. Without much conscious thought, he dragged himself over to the med-bay to see how Shepard was doing but the sight stilled any desire to leave as he stood there, watching his lover breathe slowly and evenly, despite the creeping paleness that seemed to spread over the man's face like a sickness.

"Hey John," Kaidan said as he stifled another yawn, drawing up a collapsible chair so that he could more comfortably keep a vigil at Shepard's bedside.

Watching Shepard that way was beginning to wear him out, so he shifted his gaze over the rest of the med-bay, neat sterile work surfaces, complex mechanisms and the unintelligible numbers and figures that steadily raced over the consoles around Shepard. But always, his eyes would be drawn back to Shepard, magnetized on the man as his tired mind struggled and failed to process the day's events.

"Don't know how you did it," Kaidan blurted tiredly as he placed a weary head down to rest in the middle of his arms, folded haphazardly at the edge of Shepard's 'bedside'. "I've no idea John, how you managed to keep everyone together like you did. And the people? The galaxy? Can't even imagine what it'd take to make _that_ happen."

He was muttering and rambling, tiredness loosening his tongue even more as he fought to stay awake, fought to say something, anything, to Shepard that would bring him up, whole and hale as he was before, the shining, glorious man that Kaidan remembered from so long ago. Looking up through hollow eyes, Kaidan traced the narrow path of muscle as it twitched responsively on Shepard's neck, leading up to a sharp chin that always made Kaidan think of the harsh, natural angles of stone. And how like stone the man was, unyielding and firm, with so much more underneath it all.

Kaidan _ached_.

More than anything, he wanted something to do, an enemy to fight and conquer rather than this incessant waiting and uselessness he felt as he struggled to find some way to anchor Shepard firmly in the realm of the sane and the living. How difficult it was, to watch your loved ones whither away like that, to see them disintegrate into nothing, slowly, before your eyes and know that it was a chance, a one in a billion chance, that could only possibly save him. If that.

Kaidan reached out trembling fingers to trace the soft, satin skin along Shepard's taut arms, when had he ever had the ridiculous notion that the man's skin was rough and broken, momentarily glad to feel the heat and life radiating out of the limb as the comfortable, familiar motions beat back some of the darkness welling inside of him.

"I remember you told me," Kaidan began, searching for something, anything, to say, "After Mars. What I'd been through and what I'd said to you. About everything. And yet, even after all that, you came back for me, on the Citadel. You know, I never got to thank you John, for telling me to fight, to come back to you. I... I guess, this is how I make it up to you. For everything that you've done for me."

Kaidan watched, hoping against hope that somehow the words would strike a chord in John Shepard and bring the man surging back into his arms. The machines beeped drearily as his fingers continued their circling motions around Shepard's arm, slowly moving their way up along to the man's shoulders as he raised his head higher.

"I didn't actually hear you," Kaidan admitted to nobody, to the still form in front of him, "I guess, getting knocked around like that really took something out of me. But I heard, I did hear, from the doctor, about your visit. You know, when I was still out. Before I even had a chance to tell you I was awake. And how I felt. Then the chance left, and we were all back there, masks in place. So much to say, but the courage? Something that wasn't with me at the time you came, bottle of whiskey in hand. And everything... everything just left me stumbling. I guess it's silly, thinking about things like that, but I guess.... I guess, you've known, I'm kind of a sentimental type of guy, huh John?"

Kaidan felt his heart thudding dully in his chest as he sought out for some sign that Shepard could hear him, that his love was fighting with everything that he had to come back to him and without realizing, Kaidan raised a hand to wipe away the moisture that was building up along the undersides of his eyes. Felt the sting as more tears built up immediately after but he didn't care. For John Shepard, he would never hide. Never again.

"That was some power you showed us there, on Rannoch," Kaidan said as he traced a tender finger along Shepard's pallor, tanned, scarred fingers so soft against Shepard's cheek, "I... I know you weren't in the right... I mean, I know you didn't mean to... do that to me. I know John, and I forgive you. Just... I just need... Please, John. I love you. I love you and... I need you to come back to me. Everything will be alright, if you just come back..."

Kaidan placed his burning cheek onto the cold medical table and looked at the wall behind the metallic 'headboard', staring at nothing as he just let the words tumble out of his mouth. Despite his aching eyes and the stinging in his throat, Kaidan forced himself to speak as he watched for something, anything, out of the corner of his eyes.

"Do... do you remember?" Kaidan began again, searching for happier times with Shepard in his memories, "Our first date? Real date I mean? The Citadel and our... reality check. You know, it took me a really long time to find the courage to send you that... I mean, I had to write so many drafts it was stupid. Me, sitting there in the bunk late at night, tossing and turning as I tried to find words. I wrote some pretty mushy stuff, John and... and I just couldn't bear the thought of you reading them. Couldn't bear the thought that you'd forgotten or just... moved on. From what we... I wanted it so badly, and I would have done anything to make it work. After everything. So I tried simple, just us. Nothing but us. It worked out better than I imagined. And then... then there was the war.... the party... but we still... we still... there was always... us..."

And with that last thought, Kaidan lost the fight against the heavy blanket of sleep and felt his eyes close as the last of the tears tracked their way down onto Shepard's arm, drying almost instantly against the man's body heat. Kaidan felt himself twitch as unconsciousness stole into his mind and robbed him of his words but he didn't care anymore, not with the familiar warmth of Shepard pressing up against his face and the comfort that he pulled from the simple contact. The lights of the medical bay dimmed silently as his breathing evened out and turned more regular, deep sleep already claiming him as he sought refuge within the pleasant memories of his past, dreaming the dreams that lonely heroes dreamed.


	20. A Very Desolate Solution

Things were beginning to smoothen out despite the chaotic first, few ship-board days after the attack on Rannoch. And for that, Kaidan was eternally grateful.

After that first night, when he'd woken up sore and wrapped in cold dread, he chided himself for his carelessness, knowing that he needed to be at top form as much as possible before reaching Tuchanka, and sleeping on cold, hard metal was no way to chase away the aches and pains gifted to him during the fighting. So as he waited impatiently for his duties to be over and his problems to be solved, his mind was almost bent over under the sheer pressure of his thoughts and the way they would often stray, despite his best efforts, toward the lonely man unknowably recovering in the medical centre of the ship.

The resulting exhaustion from his emotional and physical state barely made him conscious of dragging himself up into their shared cabin and Kaidan could barely muster the strength to ready himself for bed before slumping down into the unyielding surface, prepared for a much needed escape into his own inner world of dreams. But it never came.

Sleep eluded him like a slippery shadow, and on that second night, with aching eyes, he lay down and stared at the shifting stars as they shot above him carelessly, ignoring the siren call of rest as it tried to pull him under. Despite everything he'd put himself through, despite all the tiredness and mind-numbing fatigue, he just couldn't find it within himself to let go and drown in the comforting darkness. It was then that his already over-abused mind stumbled upon the reason for his stubborn defiance and the feeling of displacement that he'd been feeling throughout the whole day.

He was lost. Aimless. Without his centre.

The bed was achingly vast, like a crevice that he balanced on, and with no warm support cradling him in it's comforting grip, Kaidan felt like a piece of him was missing, ripped out and tossed into the unknown. He struggled, tossed and turned, but it was no use, not when he knew that just a few meters below, John Shepard was struggling within himself to beat back the rending chaos. He was always stubborn, Shepard had once told him, and he admitted to himself in his most private moments that the man had probably made an understatement. He didn't want to give in, he wasn't about to go tripping down into the silent halls of the Normandy in search of his familiar light in the darkness, the safe, warm harbour for his anchorage. And as his mind chased its tail around within the cavity of his brain, the sideboard alarm rang, indicating that his allotted seven hours of sleep had passed him over and that he hadn't been able to claim a single wink of it.

Dark, heavy circles traced his eyes and he struggled through his morning routine, some of the crew starting back from his haggard, sleep-deprived expression, though few had the courage to tell him so. The ones most likely to have seen after his wellbeing, despite his rank and position aboard the military craft, were either making preparations for Rannoch or ailing in the medical bay, which left him precious little options to turn to. In the end, after he had dozed off while speaking to Traynor about getting specific co-ordinates about the Rachni's location, he submitted to the woman's harsh criticism of endangering himself and how Shepard wouldn't have approved of seeing him that way. Like a beacon, just the mere thought of the man seemed to pull his mind and his body in that direction, and his feet felt like mag-locked boots as he forced himself to stay conscious until he stumbled into the med-bay, eyes searching out for the already familiar form of Shepard's passive recline.

Just the sight of his languishing lover was enough to send a shooting warmth through his body, as if he hadn't really believed that Shepard was actually here unless he saw him with his own eyes and that confirmation and affirmation had done more for him than a week of restful nights. He had promptly fallen asleep after that, Doctor Chang having had to call EDI in so that they could lift him up and get him placed on the medical table right next to Shepard. And Kaidan had slept, and dreamed of the better rather than the worse.

And so would begin his new habit, like an animal with its creature comforts shifted to an unknowable, new enclosure. That night at light's out, he had grabbed two pillows from the cabin, grabbed the comforter and Shepard's hoodie, and crept down in the still darkness, trying not to be seen as he sneaked and tip-toed around the night shift, hearing only the rustling of fabric on the deck and the pounding of his eager heart until the doors to his new sanctuary admitted him entrance and he leapt inside. The journey over excited him as he would never have imagined, like a truant student expecting to be caught with hoarded goods and he could almost imagine Shepard was playing the same game that he was, waiting for his arrival with that grin and a quick kiss. The anticipation filled him as best it could. With Shepard beside him, even in that precarious state, Kaidan slept like a dead log.

The shriek that had woken him up the following morning had him sheepishly tumbling out of his makeshift bed and he could only imagine what a sight he must have made to the poor, unstable Doctor Chang, coming into her space and her office to see a mound of shifting white plumped up and trembling next to her only patient. Kaidan was just glad that the doctor hadn't had a heart attack and collapsed on the floor; he doubted anyone besides himself would have been able to administer the proper aid forms and he was addled enough not to trust himself with such a task.

So, with another profuse apology and further admonitions for privacy and secrecy, his new habit began to filter in among the crew and it brought him comfort and hope where previously there had been none. In his more lucid moments, he wondered at the difference, at his strange behaviour, especially compared to the devastation that Shepard had gone through after the Crucible firing. But he supposed, the worst had been the two days when he hadn't know about Shepard's fate and the unknown always made such harsh boundaries. Even at the worst times in the blasted, scorched hospital, Kaidan had seen hope, had been given absolutes to cling on to resolutely and that had fed the tiny ember of hope within his chest. This unknown, aimless drifting without any confidence of Shepard's true recovery, was draining and he had nothing to feed the dying flicker of hope within him. All he could do was place himself next to his love, using the man's scent, body, heat, anything, to fuel his determination to endure and continue with his haphazard mission.

As he rediscovered his place and found the will to soldier on during the agonizing week of their multiple jumps through the galaxy-wide Mass Relay Network, Kaidan could feel the dull thrill within him grow, slowly, into a beating thrum that filled him with anticipation and energy at the thought. When they finally entered the Aralakh System in the Krogan DMZ, he was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

At long last, after all the searching and tribulations, all his efforts at going against the beliefs of his Alliance superiors, he was about to be vindicated. At long last, months past the day he'd learned of the terrible affliction that Shepard was plagued with, they had reached the final point where hope rested. Let the rest of them scrub for the ineffectual Prothean Beacons, he thought giddily, let them follow regulations that would have damned their saviour. Kaidan had followed his own path, and at last, it had set him down onto the gleaming, ruinous world of Tuchanka.

*

"Approaching the LZ, Major," Joker said crisply as he steer the Normandy toward the cleared landing zone that Wrex had conveniently provided for them.

Kaidan nodded absently as he watched the holo-screens before him, the ship slicing through the thick layers of cloud like an omni-blade and Kaidan fought to suppress the spiking wash of adrenaline as it moved through him. He'd been trying to hold it in for the last hour and the closer they got to their goal, the harder it was for him to keep still.

Joker whistled in appreciation as EDI took care of the finer navigation points, smoothly adjusting for Joker's need for speed.

"Well, would you look at that. Gotta say one thing about 'Uncle' Wrex, he sure knows how to work." Kaidan could only snort in the affirmative as the Normandy rapidly descended into the makeshift clearing.

Wrex had obviously been busy. When the crew were last here, according to the testimonials and reports that Kaidan had read, the krogan homeworld was nothing but a blasted landscape, harsh and scarred under the heavy-handed ministrations of nuclear bombardment and all out inter-galactic warfare. Coupled with the disintegration of krogan society and infrastructure, not to mention the years of genophage and reckless infighting, the planet was a ruinous place that could barely support the hundreds of thousands that had eked out a living from the hardy scrub and territorial thresher maws that populated the area.

Things had definitely changed for the better.

Kaidan remembered the tales that Shepard had shared with him, the man's curiosity and wonder gleaming through as he described the severe and dominating architecture of the ruins that surrounded Tuchanka, concentrated heaviest in the areas where major krogan civilization had once been. Among those was one of their most holiest of sites, the temple garden that ran up along side the salarian Spire that had been responsible for the spread of both genophage and cure. Even from this vantage, high up above the ground, Kaidan could see the tell-tale signs of heavy reconstruction and miraculously fast growth.

The first thing he noticed was a lush carpet of haphazard green, almost searing the eye after the monotonous yellows and browns that littered the area, and Kaidan watched with awe as they coasted past a half-built pinnacle of sorts that jutted up out of the temple grounds like a monument of victory. It warmed him and the sight of such accomplishments further fuelled his resolve as he watched krogans scale the sides of tattered buildings, stonework already moving up to cover holes and patch structural damage. It was inspiring and it fed the hope in him.

"There," Kaidan said pointing, where a crude landing strip of sorts seemed to be leading up to one of the more complete structures in the area, a large, squat-looking building that seemed to be filled with moving figures.

"Yeah, I got it Major. Best pilot in the galaxy remember?" Joker said playfully as he adjusted course settings and made the Normandy tip slightly as he turned the ship in a graceful dive.

"Best biological pilot, I believe, Jeff," EDI corrected as she corrected the turn several degrees to the side to avoid brushing too close to the scaffolding that seemed present everywhere.

"I love you too, EDI," Joker replied absently as he turned to Kaidan and mouthed what looked like "she's jealous" back to Kaidan, who couldn't help a wry grin and a rolling of the eyes.

This close to the ground, they could see all the excruciating detail of the krogan's efforts to rebuild their homeworld and from the numbers that teemed around the landing point, the krogans had obviously been as busy procreating as well as rebuilding. Kaidan watched as a _very_ familiar figure in scarred, red armour made itself known by jumping off what appeared to be a balcony, to land with a dusty _thud_ near the building's entrance, not thirty feet below him. With a rough wave and a feral grin, Urdnot Wrex stood like a stone statue, uncaring of his own safety as he gestured them to his location.

"Some things never change, huh Major?" Joker offered as he followed the marked path.

"Yeah," Kaidan agreed quietly, "some things don't."

*

Kaidan strolled down the ramp as his armour clattered around him. It was a standard precautionary measure, considering that they were on neutral ground on Tuchanka, but then again, they were on Tuchanka, and the krogan and thresher maws were the least of his concerns, especially after getting caught with their pants down on Rannoch still fresh in all of their minds.

Wrex waved jovially at him and Kaidan had to suppress a grin at the affable, overbearing nature of this particular krogan that he'd known since the start of his career on-board the Normandy. He'd had the pleasure of a short reunion with the self-proclaimed Warlord of the Krogan during the Reaper War and he had been pleasantly surprised at the calm and introspective creature that had stood before him. It seemed that Wrex had mellowed out even further and was looking practically bubbly for one of his kind as Kaidan's booted foot landed firmly on his first step onto the krogan homeworld.

"Kaidan! It's about time you pyjacks showed up!" Wrex said as he slammed the gritty Tuchankan dust out of Kaidan's armour seams in a decidedly sedate bear hug.

"Wrex, it's... it's good to see you again," Kaidan coughed out when he'd gathered enough air back into his deflated lungs.

"Hah! You don't know the half of it," Wrex grinned widely as he turned, spreading his arms to encompass the huge structure behind him, "I always knew you'd come find me when everything was over. Too dull aboard the Normandy and on Earth without me, eh?"

"Speaking of dull..." Kaidan replied as he followed Wrex's gesture with his eyes.

"You think this is the best I could do in the months after the war?" Wrex's muttered growl vibrating up his spine, "You should see the armoury. And the shooting ranges! We've got all sorts of new buildings springing up out of the ground like pests on a varren!" Wrex roared a laugh and Kaidan politely smiled at the off-centre humour.

"Not really sure if referring them as 'pests' is really the best way to describe-"

"Don't get me wrong, Kaidan. They're pests and quick growing ones at that, but they're _my_ pests." Wrex shot him a challenging look and Kaidan forced his smile wider as he nodded his agreement. Now was probably not the best time to go stepping on Wrex's clawed toes.

"Speaking of personal pests," Wrex mock-whispered as a tiny, horned shape burst out of the yawning portal ahead of them and raced in a stumbling run up to the huge krogan and promptly ran it's diminutive horns into Wrex's leg.

"Papa! Papa Wrex! Mama's calling you. Now!" The tiny krogan peered up at his larger compatriot and grinned a wicked smile that had Kaidan shuddering at the number of sharp, needle-like teeth that filled it's mouth.

Kaidan flinched back as Wrex bent himself over and roared into his son's face, a full-throated sound that seemed to make the air vibrate and Kaidan automatically found his hand moving slightly over to the edge of his pistol that was locked at the side of his hip. What happened next left him stunned as the tiny figure reared back and head-butted Wrex again, roaring out an equally harsh sound in response, though certainly not at the levels that Wrex had just so recently displayed.

Wrex laughed deeply, the sound rumbling out of the krogan as he picked up the youngster and tossed him casually into the air. "That's my boy!" With another toss, the young krogan bounced happily onto the shoulder of his sire, who still had his back turned to Kaidan, and looked up with an impish grin as he eyed the strange, soft-skinned creature directly below him.

"Lookit, papa! Food! Does it taste good?" The small krogan eyed him wonderingly and spread his grin even further across his face and Kaidan had a distinct impression of a needle toothed thresher maw sizing him up for food.

"That's not food you whelp, that's an old friend. Kaidan, this is Mordin, my son." Wrex's voice was filled with pride and compassion, surprising Kaidan especially after that display that they had just pulled on one another.

"It's... an, um, it's a pleasure to meet you Mordin," Kaidan said hesitantly as his hand reached partway between them, unsure whether to pet the creature or shake it's hand.

As his hand drew nearer, he saw a tiny, purple tongue lick out suddenly as the young Mordin tracked its movement with his beady little eyes. Kaidan instantly snatched his hand back, not wanting to test his armour's capacity against _those_ razor pins, and despite the awkward and blunt introduction to Wrex's family, Kaidan could feel a slow ache spreading out across his chest at the older krogan's tone and the fondness with which he held as he looked up to his dangling son. Kaidan was feeling  slightly jealous.

"Now, papa! Mama said now! Or she'll get the sho-- the shot-- shoot-- She say's she'll shoot you!" The young krogan struggled against the iron grip of his father and Wrex casually picked him up and dropped him onto the dusty ground like a sack of rations, eliciting a startled yelp out of Kaidan and the callous treatment. The sound stilled as he watched the youngster regain his feet at a surprisingly nimble speed and seemed to twist himself around before racing back the way he came.

"We should... probably head on in there. Eve doesn't make casual threats." Wrex flinched slightly as Kaidan cocked an eyebrow and Kaidan watched as the older krogan rubbed a spot on his dusty, red armour, just along where a human's triceps would have been. Kaidan let himself grin at his old friend's discomfort.

"Then you should, um, you should probably lead the way." Kaidan offered gallantly as he moved to step behind Wrex.

"Coward," Wrex said playfully as he strode forward.

"Tactical," Kaidan corrected as he followed suit.

The building and its entrance was not far, only several hundred meters away from the actually landing zone, and Kaidan had time to appreciate the new construction and the busy sounds of labour as he walked along behind Wrex, taking in as much as he could to distract him momentarily from all his problems and the threat of Shepard's impending descent into irreconcilable madness. While it was always there, nestled in his mind, he was glad to take the opportunity to distract himself for just a few moments as the swell of newness overwhelmed him.

The korgan homeworld was a vast, arid and seemingly desolate world but Kaidan noticed on the ground next to his moving feet, small signs of life. Green shoots were sprouting up along the cracked soil and despite the unfamiliar, twisted shapes with what appeared to be teeth, it gave him hope to see life struggling even after everything that had been thrown at it. He watched as the plants seemed to shiver in his presence and the minute movements translated as a shimmering patchwork across new shoots and old tendrils. He watched with fascination as they appeared to wrestled with one another, fighting for space and moisture, light and life. He distracted himself further as he watched krogans lifting and shifting, moving and soldering parts of their future and the future of their children and race, how it was moving along with a flow that made his heart clench. It was a brutally beautiful sight, a sort of underwhelming beauty. It moved him, especially seeing the many smaller forms racing along side and beneath their elders, laughing and lending what support they could. Despite the krogan's reputation as a harsh, unforgiving race, he saw in that moment a common bond, of life and love flowing out from a race that had been desolate and deprived of hope for centuries. It was refreshing and it stirred something unknowable inside of him.

Shade wrapped around his vision, the bright Tuchankan sun becoming eclipsed by the vast roof above his head and he blinked several times to adjust to the different lighting. Metal rods, support buttresses and thick pieces of metal and stone lay everywhere that he could see. Some looked new and others looked ancient beyond imagining and they were all arranged in rough piles with steady lines of workers moving along between them, gathering up what resources they needed and using tech and muscle to guide it towards its final destination.

"We've been tearing down some of the older temples," Wrex said suddenly, startling Kaidan out of his personal sight-seeing, "Didn't have much need for them where they were and we can rebuild them in the future. For now, they're better off as homes and communal buildings."

"It's amazing," Kaidan said wonderingly as he soaked in the busy, lively atmosphere of the area. It was teeming with life.

Wrex snorted at the statement. "You haven't seen anything yet. This is just one of the many hubs I'll be getting up and running before the year's over. Once I get this port going, we'll have supplies, workers, everything we need to get settlements, food processors and schools up and running."

Kaidan followed along quietly as Wrex spoke about his future plans, staggered by the sheer scale of the krogan's vision and progress, while he let himself settle into comfortable silence as he felt the pounding of mallets and sounds of construction direct his walking and the thoughts in his head.

Wrex rounded a large, thick partition that served to segregate a large portion of the structure and revealed several rows of sturdy worktables and benches, looking more like a military canteen rather than the hub of Wrex's grand port. The little, sharp-toothed creature was already there rubbing himself up and down along the leg of a seemingly feminine krogan, face obscured by what seemed to be a ceremonial scar of stiff material. Only her eyes shone through, and they were wise and serene as the female krogan eyed him carefully, stepping forward to offer him a gentle hand.

"Ah. You must be Kaidan Alenko," the female krogan opened as they shook briefly, "Wrex has told me about his former comrades and friends, but he spoke often about you. I am Urdnot Eve."

Kaidan felt a staining blush creep up his cheek at the thought of Wrex sharing past stories about him but he nodded affably as he released her hand.

"It's an honour to meet you... Eve," Kaidan said, pausing briefly at the trip of her name.

Eve was apparently more astute at observing him and a smile seemed to touch her eyes as she cocked her head questioningly. "The name will do. It was derived from human mythology, not krogan. I have my own name, but one that is lost on Tuchanka's winds when I became a shaman of my people. I was blessed with this gift from a dear friend, one who the krogan people owe much to, Mordin Solus."

Kaidan nodded at the flood of unfamiliar information, not sure what to say. He'd heard briefly about Urdnot Eve from Shepard, since he'd been on the Citadel during his lover's mission to cure the genophage, and after all he'd heard, he could only imagine scratching the surface of a people that he was beginning to grow more fond of.

"Wrex," Eve snapped, "I'm glad you're here. I need you to take a look at this. The workers said it'll take another day at least before we get to the beacon."

Kaidan's head whipped around at the mention of the beacon and he immediately recalled the purpose of his trip to Tuchanka, both the official reason and for his own personal mission.

"You should... I'll take a look at that," Wrex said softly as he ducked his head under Eve's scrutiny. Kaidan felt his eyes widen at the almost inferior tone coming out of the older krogan. "You should get some rest, lie down or... something" Wrex finished succinctly, still not stepping within Eve's personal space.

"I'll rest when I want to," Eve snapped right back, causing the hulking Wrex to _flinch_ at the tone. Kaidan didn't know whether to run or laugh. "He's been trying to get me away from the construction," Eve added conspiratorially to him, ignoring Wrex for the moment, "He doesn't approve of females 'mucking around' with all the male work. Not to mention he's feeling nervous about my latest pregnancy."

Kaidan's eyes darted down, looking for the slight swell in Eve's torso and not noticing anything immediately, before bringing his gaze back up just in time to see the familiar crinkling around Eve's eyes.

"Another batch," Eve confirmed as she lightly patted her stomach, "We'll be naming the first male 'Shepard'."

Kaidan felt a sting along his eyes as his throat closed, he tried to swallow convulsively but only succeeded in jiggling his head slightly, unsure about the surge of feeling moving through him.

"He... thank you, he would be proud. And honoured," Kaidan rasped out, thoughts once more brought around to his unconscious lover on the Normandy.

"We hope so," Eve added. She looked ready to say something more but her eyes shifted slightly, moving up past Kaidan's shoulder. "You're here. Good."

"Hello there, Major," a soft, throaty voice wrapped itself around his ears and practically caressed its way into his brain.

Kaidan turned slowly and blurted, "Miranda? What the hell are you doing here?"

A sultry chuckle escaped from the gorgeous woman's mouth, raven hair curling beautifully around her shoulders and framing her face fetchingly. No longer dressed in her usual skin-tight cat suit, she was nevertheless commanding in her casual pose, wrapped up in what looked to be finely cut asari weave, the unusual design adding stunningly to her already ample figure. Her perfectly engineered face and body had an air of relaxed feline grace, easy and soft while looking ready to spring up at anytime and Kaidan couldn't help but clear his throat slightly as the soft cloth wrapped itself revealingly around the woman's ample assets as she shifted and Kaidan felt the briefest of blushes touch his cheeks.

"Oh, you know. Helping out old friends, and making new ones," Miranda turned a winning smile over to Eve who chuckled in response, the sound fading away as she moved up to where Wrex was busy looking over the plans and data that was strewn over the tables.

"I... but here? On Tuchanka? I thought you were on Earth?" Kaidan finished stupidly, clearly at a loss for words concerning the woman's presence on the krogan homeworld.

"It's a fine arrangement, don't you think?" Miranda turned a smouldering look his way which he pointedly ignored, setting his face firmly in his most commanding look. Miranda sighed at his composure, idly swishing an arm up to wrap around her bosom. "I _was_ on Earth, for a little while at least. I didn't really think it was a good idea to stay behind, once Shepard was seen to." Miranda eyed him carefully as her well-placed barb struck home.

"I... Yes, alright. I was meaning to thank you... for, um, for saving... Shepard's life," Kaidan pulled out. That wasn't so bad, if pulling teeth was any indication to go by.

Miranda sighed again as she nodded briefly. "I suppose that'll have to do. It was more for Shepard than for anyone else. I'm just glad that someone else has managed to benefit from all that Cerberus has done for him."

Kaidan twitched at the mention of the artificial enhancements that laced Shepard's body and refused to take the bait as he tried to outwait Miranda. They'd never been particularly close, the timing had been all wrong, and the only time that he'd gotten to know her better had been during their shore leave on the Citadel. While she had seemed polite and well cultured, there was also an underlying patina of coldness and a reserved nature that reminded Kaidan too much of himself. While most would have assumed that it would have put them on familiar ground, Kaidan felt that the opposite had occurred. While she seemed to get along famously with some of the people, including Shepard, she just seemed unreachable to anyone else.

With the barest shake of her head and a ghost of a smile, Miranda turned abruptly and walked a few feet away from him and Kaidan felt annoyed at how his feet automatically moved him forward to follow, though he couldn't quite say why he was feeling that way.

Miranda seemed to fiddle with her clothing as he approached and she spoke in a soft voice that he could barely hear, her distinctive accent wrapping itself around her words. "There's not much call for an ex-Cerberus moving along unmolested on Earth, not after everything that's happened."

"Jacob's still there isn't he? With Doctor Bryson?" Kaidan blurted out, not sure why he was being so adamant about finding out why the woman was here of all places.

"Jacob's... well, he used to be ex-Alliance didn't he? I suppose that gave him some measure of consideration, his contributions to the Crucible not withstanding." Miranda flicked a glance his way before returning her gaze back to the wall that she'd been staring at. "Suffice to say, I've made my own arrangements. A mutual, blue-skinned friend of ours has seen fit to keep us within the loop and I have my contacts still about. My sister is safe on Earth and with Cerberus disbanded and my father's empire destroyed, I have little worry that there'll be trouble heading for her. The colonies were crushed during the war and I had the opportunity to put my skills to good use, somewhere away from the Alliance. To put it simply, Alenko, I'm here on Tuchanka because it's somewhere I can be where I won't be judged and where I can do some good."

"You could have easily made it to Thessia or Palaven by that same standard, maybe even Rannoch. I saw humans there as well," Kaidan replied.

Miranda raised a delicate hand, gently rubbing at the skin along the crook of her neck. "Yes, I suppose I could have. There are plenty of worlds that could use a helping hand, especially during times like this. Unfortunately, Palaven and Rannoch simply cannot serve as a long time solution for someone like me, considering their dextro-based lifestyles. The asari... well, I'd rather not have to deal with their rigidity. Also, my efforts at relocation were aided by our little blue friend."

Kaidan reconsidered furiously at the slightly challenging tone in Miranda's voice. "She has a name you know. Liara."

Another throaty chuckle escaped from Miranda's lips. "Yes, I'm well aware. Forgive me, its a habit I've been trying to break myself out of. Keeping names and people out of conversations."

Kaidan set his face stubbornly and opened his mouth to reiterate his point but Miranda cut him off as she settled more comfortably against the partition. "Shepard always said you were stubborn. In this instance, I'm not particularly sure whether I should be pleased about his being right or not."

Kaidan felt his face heat as a retort rolled off his tongue but Miranda interrupted him again, this time with a steely look and a face devoid of any emotion. "I'm not your enemy, Alenko. Despite how I appear, I would like to be... friends. You probably don't know how much that means, coming from someone like me, but there it is."

"That's it?" Kaidan ground out harshly, "Just like that, and you want us to get along? I may have overlooked your Cerberus connections in the past, especially after what you did for John, but I don't think a friendly hug and smile are going to cut it. Who knows the damage that you could do with the krogan just barely picking themselves up? You've been working in and behind the scenes for a long time, and you turned your back on Cerberus and the Illusive Man. I just-"

"Afraid of a turncoat, Alenko?" Miranda cut in smoothly, "I for one would have thought you'd be glad for my turning against everything that nurtured and sheltered me, the only thing I've known to give me a home after I escaped from my past. I guess I was wrong about you."

"Well I wouldn't have thought you could get anything wrong, could you Miranda?"

"Oh? I see they're teaching soldiers to read now I suppose. That's overextending a little don't you think?"

"I'm sure seeking refugee with a terrorist organization could be considered a little of an oversight as well."

"I'm not going back to that again. If it weren't for that so-called 'terrorist organization', the Collectors would have been on us a year ago-"

"For all the good it did. I saw the experiments and the monsters you helped to create. With what you did you should-"

"Oh Alenko, I really was _so_ wrong about you. I-"

"You're damn right you're wrong about me, who do you-"

"You kids playing nice over here?" Wrex's roared filled the air and startled a jump from both of them as they turned toward the source of the sound. Wrex filled his vision as he loomed up before him and Kaidan fought the urge to step back. When had he snuck up on them?

"Wrex," Miranda said quickly, voice turning soft and lazy, "We were just having a pleasant conversation about-"

"Yeah, I heard your 'pleasant conversation' alright," Wrex growled, "I think they heard it over on Thessia. Now. I've got an angry, moody wife, a Prothean beacon to pull out of the ground and a kid that's been trying to gnaw through my armour. If you're going to kill each other, do it outside so I don't have to step in the mess." And with a huff, the Krogan stepped away and moved back over to the sets of benches and tables, sparing them each a baleful glance before turning away.

Kaidan let loose a nervous chuckle that was mirrored by Miranda's own breathy laugh. They cut off almost simultaneously and shared a guilty look as the silence stretched between them.

This wasn't like him at all. He'd always been more controlled about everything, especially social considerations, and despite Miranda's past connections, he did feel grateful to the woman for bringing Shepard back to the land of the living. Maybe that was the problem. She'd done more for Shepard than anything that he could think of and she had been with him during the Collector run when he'd blatantly accused the man of turning his back on everything good in the galaxy. She'd been supporting Shepard, making him do what was right no matter the consequences and despite her past affiliations, she saw fit to discard everything that was familiar and comfortable because she _knew_ it was wrong. Would he have been able to have such strength if he were in her position? He was tempted to say otherwise, but he would admit privately to himself that he admired the woman on some level and felt frustrated that he should. Maybe it was time to let go of self-pitying jealousy and see what could be made of everything. Surely not friends, but perhaps, not enemies either.

Miranda was beginning to look slightly ruffled and a tightness had appeared at the corner of her eyes. She was about to turn around and walk away from him when Kaidan stuck out a tentative hand, holding it out for her to see as he swallowed his stubborn pride.

"I... I'm sorry," he added bluntly, not knowing what else he could say in a situation like this "Truce?" He felt like a child, putting it that way, but he let some of his vulnerability leak out and saw a flicker of something pass over Miranda's face before it disappeared.

She eyed the hand cautiously for a moment before hesitatingly raising her own, her small hand almost enveloped in his armoured glove. A soft light shone through in her otherwise carefully placed mask and Kaidan thought he glimpsed a small crack in her icy demeanour. "Truce," she agreed, "And who knows? Maybe when this is all over, we can get to know one another a little better. Friendship is... difficult for me. But I'd like to try."

Kaidan nodded as he drew his hand back, the bitterness of the moment already fading away as he looked at Miranda in a new light, with new eyes. He made a mental note about asking Shepard for more information about the woman when he finally did what he came here to do. And speaking of Shepard...

"So," Kaidan said, careful to keep his voice steady, "A day?"

"Or there about," Miranda said, mild curiosity playing across her features. "That's the best we can do. While our blue-skinned-- While _Liara_ gave us the information in advance, we don't quite have the machinery and tech for quick progress. Not to mention the fact that the Prothean ruins have been buried under tonnes of rock."

"Actually, um, a day... A day's good," Kaidan replied.

"Oh? Running low on supplies are we? Well, we have a minor refuelling station that could probably-"

"Ah, actually, no. It's not like that..." Kaidan hesitated, unsure of how much he could trust Miranda after having their friendship so newly minted.

"I'm listening." Miranda brushed a stray strand of hair back across her shoulder as she folded her arms against herself again, locking him with sultry, questioning gaze.

Kaidan clamped down on his stubborn nature, adamantly refusing to let it resurface as he struggled with his need for secrecy and his desire for a quick resolution now that he was here.

"These co-ordinates." Kaidan raised his omni-tool as he brought up the interface. "I was wondering if you could tell me if there's anything interesting out there," Kaidan said as innocently as he could.

*

"Crap," Kaidan swore fiercely.

He swerved tightly and he clenched his arms along the insides of his armour as he tried to will the stubborn metal box around him to listen to what he wanted. Which it, of course, ignored. The Kodiak did, however, manage an ungainly dip against the tearing winds that were battering its hull right at this moment, sending sand and grit in an uneven staccato that was beginning to wear away at Kaidan's patience.

Miranda had been coolly beside herself about wanting to know what Kaidan was so adamant about searching for at these specific co-ordinates, which were literally in the middle of no where. From what he had gathered from Wrex and Eve, there was a gaping sinkhole that had been one of the first of many areas where nuclear holocaust had rained from the sky during the times of interclan warfare. While the radiation levels were at an all time low, thanks to time and the accelerating process lent by the salarian Shroud, there had been nothing of interest to anyone over the last few centuries and it was unstable and barren enough that no life form was willing to risk making a home in such a precarious, dangerous area.

With the beacon still a day away, and by extension his report to Hackett and their next step forward, it was the perfect time to start upon the idea that had hit him so long ago when he'd last been on Thessia. With most of the crew doing off-loading, general repairs and just basically stretching their legs after a week or so in that cramped, metal prison, Kaidan had leapt forward, excusing himself from any further discussion with Wrex, Eve and Miranda, letting them handle their situations on their own.

After checking in on the med-bay, and confirming that the machines that surrounded Shepard were more for monitoring purposes than keeping the man alive, he rigged a makeshift pallet that he dragged across the quiet mess and into the elevator, his heart beating ferociously as he counted down the agonizing seconds till he reached the Kodiak. He'd made it clear to Steve that he had wanted to stock up on some supplies while they were here for their brief jaunt and that had been enough to tear the pilot-cum-requisitions-officer away from the cargo bay, with James just as eagerly trailing after to soak in the culture and lifestyle of a people that he hardly knew about. As Kaidan had reached the Kodiak however, a tinny call from EDI froze him in his tracks.

With the minutes dwindling, he had used every single ounce of authoritative power at his disposal to subdue the reluctant AI, from his status as a Major and Commander of the Normandy to his still-yet-to-be reinstated SPECTRE status from a broken and scattered Citadel Council. He knew that EDI would have never let him go under those circumstances, but he had quickly and breathlessly let her in on what he was attempting to do and after a torturously long wait, she finally relented and unlocked the shuttle's doors, prompting him to almost throw Shepard inside while he leapt in afterwards.

"There is a clear space ahead, Major," came EDI's soothing voice from the cockpit and Kaidan nodded in response.

Everything had gone as smoothly as he'd thought it would, from departing the Normandy in the Kodiak and with no one the wiser until they could do nothing about the entire thing. He strained himself trying to remember everything that Steve had been telling him about the shuttle and while he had a license to drive a standard hovo-car, it was just slightly different with a state-of-the-art military vehicle that had been tinkered to hell and back by an over zealous pilot.

They'd made phenomenal speed, Kaidan had to commend Steve for the surplus boosters that he'd equipped into his little creation, and every so often, Kaidan had an opportunity to glance back at Shepard, still unconscious, as he was tucked away neatly along the side bench, safety harnesses keeping him from shifting too much or falling off. Kaidan could hear mutters coming from the area behind him, and he strained to listen as he maintained their course, every now and then turning back to make sure Shepard wasn't going to go critical any time soon.

Then, disaster.

A sandstorm rose up suddenly out of nowhere and gale-force winds tore through his visibility and his flight path obscuring his vision and making him worry as the shuttle wobbled along uncertainly in the path of the shredding currents. It was all he could do to keep the thing level and with his full concentration on stabilizing the Kodiak, he didn't have time to keep on checking back on Shepard.

"Major, there is an incoming obstacle," EDI interrupted yet again and Kaidan yelped as the gritty holo-monitors in front of him suddenly materialized a large, rock outcropping that would have pierced the Kodiak right through the viewports. With an instinctive swerve, he twisted the controls and managed to avoid splattering himself and Shepard against the thick Tuchanka scenery. Just peachy.

"Thanks... EDI," Kaidan breathed, sweat coursing through his hair despite the cool air of the shuttle's regulated internal atmosphere. Another rocky protrusion, barely visible, seemed to scrape along the side of the Kodiak and Kaidan shuddered at the distinctive sound of metal being shorn and the brittle crumble of rocks breaking and falling, even despite the buffeting winds and howling debris.

Shit. Steve was _not_ going to be happy with him for that. At all. Maybe if he was lucky, he'd get Shepard to the Rachni and die before Steve could get his hands on him. That would be a relief.

"Clear space approaching, approximately four hundred and sixty-two meters ahead," EDI confirmed for him.

"Come on, fly damn you, fly," Kaidan said through gritted teeth. Shepard was beginning to mumble wordlessly again. The shuttle bucked and turned, trying to twist itself out of the deathgrip that Kaidan had on the steering head and he felt his muscles clench and bunch as he forced the Kodiak through the last of the storm, shooting out just as his arm began to cramp.

Light. And peace. It was serene, the near-cloudless Tuchankan sunset just barely beginning as the howling of the storm passed over the shuttle like water sliding off glass. Kaidan breathed hard as he stared in wonder. What little moisture in the atmosphere had coalesced into streaks of white feathers that seemed to spread out from the horizon like wings, delicately curving along the edge of his vision. The sun seemed muted, a lantern in the dark rather than a glaring, accusing eye, and it gleamed benevolently down at him as the light streaked through the clear air, painting lurid colours across the spectrum throughout the strong, fingers of stone and the soft, wispy barely-there clouds. Like a painting come to life, even more so than the holo-displays that Kaidan had seen, the scene moved Kaidan with it's breath-taking, simple beauty. It was almost too much to bear and he ached to keep the vision in his memory forever.

"John," Kaidan whispered almost reverently, unable to tear his gaze away from the inspiring sight, "I really wish you could see this."

"I have captured a panoramic series of photographic proofs," EDI replied suddenly, "Should you be successful with your mission, Major Alenko, you might want to show him."

Kaidan blanched at the ruined moment. "Ah, thanks. EDI." Damn, he had completely forgotten that he wasn't alone up here with Shepard.

"Incidentally, you are an estimated eight hundred and fifteen meters away from the co-ordinate locations. My sensors aboard the Kodiak also indicate that Shepard's body temperature has risen to an approximate thirty nine degrees Celsius in the last several minutes. Though the system may have been compromised due to the storm."

Kaidan flinched at the knowledge. That wasn't good, Shepard running a fever now at all times and a spike like that over a few minutes? Definitely not good.

"Thanks, EDI," Kaidan said sincerely as he pushed the Kodiak forward, switching the screens to watch the ground below him as well as the fore optics. "Let me know if there are anymore changes."

"Of course, Major." EDI said quietly as she lapsed into silence.

Kaidan watched as the left holo-screen blinked and shifted, the mutedly beautiful sunset before him replaced with the dry, rusty ground of Tuchanka. And there, like a huge wound in the planet, was the sinkhole. Wrex had said that many of the clans had believed that Kalross lived in the crust of the planet, spanning the entire world as she sought to quench her insatiable appetite. Eve had reiterated that while this served their society and culture, the truth was Kalross was one of many extremely large thresher maws that spanned the krogan homeworld and had staked a territory in the Urdnot region. This sinkhole was, thankfully, not related to Kalross or thresher maws in anyway. The lack of sustainable life had actually driven the creatures away from the site and Kaidan hoped that it was true as he halted the shuttle in mid-air and pressed the necessary controls to make the craft hover. With an aching slowness, the tiny blue and white machine began to lower itself into the dark underbelly of Tuchanka's past.

"Hold on, John. Just a little farther. We're almost there," Kaidan whispered as the last of the light disappeared, the cold darkness pushing firmly against the Kodiak and her two, small passengers.

What seemed an eternity passed, though Kaidan's constantly shifting gaze told him that it had been minutes since he'd begun his descent into the sinkhole. There was no natural source of light and the edges of the wide crevice were painted by the meagre lights streaming from the Kodiak and the clicking pings of the shuttle's sonar as it tried vainly to register the area.

"Major, the base of the phenomena is approaching. Approximately two hundred and nine more meters," EDI's voice suddenly rang through the silence and Kaidan almost flinched at the sudden intrusion, too absorbed with every new thing that he was experiencing on the krogan homeworld and with his worry for Shepard's condition gnawing sharply at him.

"Um, thanks EDI. Maybe don't just... don't just jump out like that," Kaidan groused, clearly not enjoying being surprised this regularly by the AI.

"I understand Major," EDI said simply, "I shall indicate my desire to speak before I do."

Kaidan waited until at last the shuttle's light's painted a dull halo of light forming along the holo-screens, pooling as the Kodiak lowered itself with an almost imperceptible bump. Unstrapping his safety harness, Kaidan swerved out of the pilot's seat and made hurried steps over to Shepard who had splayed out slightly from their rough trip through the sandstorm.

He pulled off the gauntlet of his right hand, bringing a hand along the side of Shepard's neck and up along the man's glistening forehead, swearing to himself at the heat that radiated out of the still form. Shepard twitched and mumbled, slightly more aggressively than before. This wasn't good at all. It was going to be close.

Kaidan smashed a fist against the Kodiak's lock, uncaring in his haste as he paused just long enough to let the doors slide Aw11up and away, putting on his armoured gloved and pulling out his assault rifle while he primed a barrier. Stepping out into the cold, dry air, Kaidan breathed heavily as he tasted the musky, still odours that had lain dormant here for decades maybe even centuries.

"Hello!" Kaidan yelled hoarsely, hearing nothing but the echoes of his words as it bounced harmlessly along the stone walls.

He made a brief sweep of the area, barely able to make out anything after the harsh, artificial lights in the cockpit and let himself adjust to the darkness as he continued to scan for a response, for movement, for anything. The cooling of the Kodiak's hydraulics sounded loud in the deceptively cramp circle of light that he stood in and Kaidan kept turning slowly, watching as he strained his ears for some sign of the creatures that he had come all this way to look for. His boots crunched along the pulverized ground, and the hum of the Kodiak kept pulling his attention away as his patience was frayed to a tight, thin string. Traynor had to be right! She just had to be! Kaidan took another step forward, hearing the clatter of his armour rubbing against his rifle and the chitter of insectoid voices as it spread in a numbing cacophony around him.

The first Rachni loomed out of the darkness, the odd shapes and angles looking positively demonic shaded that way and then stepped out another and another. A whole host of them took careful, clicking steps forward as their head tendrils swept through the air. Kaidan swallowed as a swarm of them seemed to stretch and disappear into the retreating darkness around him.

"I... Hello, I mean no harm," Kaidan said slowly and he cursed himself for the generic greeting.

If the creatures heard what he had said or even understood him, they gave no sign. Some of them seemed intent with the Kodiak, turning their multiple, beady eyes along to sweep the shuttle briefly before fixing back on him. And on his rifle.

"Look, I... I don't mean any harm. Really. I'm here to speak to you. About a friend. Shepard." Along with those simple lines Kaidan slowly and carefully brought his rifle up, sweat beginning to bead again on his skin as he methodically holstered his weapon and raised his arms up in the universal gesture of surrender and vulnerability.

"I need to speak to your queen." Kaidan eyed the horde nervously as they continued to stare at him and he heard the click of his rifle sticking to the magnetized portion along the back of his armour. It was a risk but he was far from unarmed even in this state, his biotic abilities already pulling along the leash of his amp.

With a sudden, jerky movement, the first row of Rachni lowered themselves into a crouching position, tendrils flaring back as their mandibles and jaws opened and closed, snapping in a menacing gesture. Before Kaidan even had time to react, the first Rachni surged forward, pointed claws scrabbling along the dusty ground as it rammed itself into his barrier and made him stumble back a step as his biotics flared brightly, showing more of the creatures climbing along the walls and surging out of holes along the base of the crevice. There were literally hundreds, and another Rachni was attempting to run him down again, his barrier sparking as it made contact with the chitinous exoskeleton.

Pulling his assault rifle out as quickly as he could, Kaidan tumbled back and landed gracefully on his feet, using his barrier to block the entrance into the Kodiak and stop the creatures from finding a way into the shuttle and to Shepard. Kaidan wondered why he had thought that his foolhardy, spur-of-the-moment plan would work, especially considering the unpredictable and ferocious of the Rachni; everything just seemed so pleased to go to hell in a handcart when he put his hands on it.

"Crap," Kaidan uttered as he raised his assault rifle and took aim at the nearest creature.


	21. Chiaroscuro

A screech tore through the air and Kaidan winced at the proximity of the sound, barely having time to squeeze the trigger before a massive Rachni Brood Warrior smashed into his barrier, sending shockwaves of energy pulsing through his protective field. The creature's extra tentacles lashed out and struck his barrier and Kaidan felt another shock reverberate through him as the blue-encased pedipalps flailed at him. He cursed again as the energy sent sparks flying through the area. He had almost forgotten that some of the Rachni had developed biotic potential.

The constant pressure drove him back and he ground his teeth as he clenched his legs, pushing back against the force that was slowly threatening to overwhelm him. His rifle lay forgotten as the continuous strokes made him focus more and more energy into maintaining his barrier under the brutal assault. Without much choice, Kaidan gathered as much energy as he could in his fist and sent out a Lift, tossing his hand up in the process, and barely succeeded in pushing back the fierce warrior, sending it careening back into its fellows.

"Wait! Stop, I need to speak to your queen!" Kaidan yelled during the momentary breather but if they heard or understood, they still gave no sign as they gathered for another assault.

A pair of smaller Rachni, nimble and less heavily-armoured, leapt up from behind the shuttle to land resoundingly atop his barrier bubble and he staggered under the weight. Despite having no relation to his physical strength, his biotic abilities could only withstand so much pressure before they caved in and Kaidan said a silent prayer of thanks that these two hadn't been wrapped up in biotic fields of their own; the resulting mix of energy would have sent a backlash of energy that would have dissipated his barrier while sending a feedback pulse that would have knocked him senseless.

With a heavy heart, Kaidan prepared a Reave to deal with the two attackers, feeling the last of his hope die within him as he considered killing as many of the creatures as he could and make for the shuttle, praying for enough time to get the start-up running so that he could make a break away from these violent beings before they severely injured him or Shepard.

Gathering a ball of energy into his fist, he looked up to get a fix on their scrambling positions but before he could fling his arm out, an imperious voice called out over the screeching, chattering horde.

"Stop!"

Kaidan's fist was cocked back, a mere muscle contraction away from unleashing his biotic attack when the entire horde stilled almost instantly, the twitching, squelching sounds they emitted dying off to becoming more tentative and questioning. A narrow lane seemed to materialize in between the host, the multiple Rachni shouldering one another aside as they cleared a path for the very last thing Kaidan expected to see in a place like this.

An asari stepped out of the darkness and into the ring of light that surrounded him and the Kodiak, dressed in an unusual asari fashion. Everything about her screamed normality and it was all Kaidan could do to keep the awkward questions from tumbling off of his lips. There was nothing extraordinary about her, she had the grace and look of her people, but she strode with confidence and surety as she moved closer and closer to him, stopping less than a foot before his biotic protection. His two attackers had slid off and joined the rest of the Rachni placidly watching the two of them.

"Release your barrier and explain yourself," the asari bit off in careful tones.

Kaidan swallowed convulsively, relief and wariness warring within him, and at last he decided that antagonizing the person who clearly seemed to be in charge wouldn't bode well for him in any case. He ran through the neural mnemonics and felt his barrier dwindle away like a pricked bubble.

"I... My name is Kaidan Alenko," Kaidan gulped, feeling slightly light headed from the sudden use of so much of his biotic abilities in such a short time, "I am here to see the Rachni queen."

The asari cocked her head to the side, almost as if she were listening to something that he couldn't hear, and she tilted her head to the other side, gaze locked firmly onto him before questioning him again. "What need do you have to see our Queen?"

All of Kaidan's carefully prepared platitudes and pleas had been lost in the sudden sweep of battle readiness and he stumbled verbally as he tried to gather up some shards of his former intent. "Uh, I... Well, I need to see the... queen. It's, um, it's an urgent matter. One that I wish to discuss with her... privately."

The asari sneered at him and waved a hand back at the quiet swarm behind her, "Look around you human. You are vastly outnumbered, overmatched and in terrible danger. This is about as private as you can get. To speak to me is to speak to our Queen. Now, out with it."

Kaidan wrestled with his need for secrecy and his fear that what he had come to ask for would be too dear for the Rachni to provide, or beyond their power. But as it was, with the odds stacked against him like this, he had no where else to turn to.

"Your... Queen," Kaidan said haltingly, "I need to speak to her about... indoctrination. I have a... a friend. He's spoken to the Rachni before. John Shepard." There it was, all the cards laid out on the table, no guile nor agendas shielding his desire.

The asari's face broke into swift alarm and shock, before settling back into its firm features and the asari eyed him up and down before opening her mouth to speak. As Kaidan registered her words, he felt shock shoot down his spine at the unexpected answer.

"You are... different from what we expected," the asari said cryptically, "Very well, come. Our Queen will see you and Shepard. We have been expecting you for some time now."

Kaidan struggled not to gape at the idea that the Rachni were holed up in this dark, dank underworld waiting for him to show up with the galaxy's tortured Saviour.

"You were... Wait! You were waiting for me?" Kaidan blurted stupidly.

The asari had already turned away from him and the Rachni were beginning to retreat away, fading into the shadows like ghosts. Four of them were crawling up behind him and attempting to pry open the doors of the shuttle and Kaidan made a hoarse sound as he tried to move them away.

"Do not worry, human Alenko," the asari called back, not stopping in her retreat, "They will carry Shepard with us as we travel. You must be quick, there are other matters afoot."

With a dumb nod, Kaidan pulled out his omni-tool and disengaged the auto-locks, allowing the creatures access to the interior of the Kodiak. With a last, backward glance in Shepard's direction, Kaidan raced forward to catch up with the strange asari, questions already burgeoning his mind.

*

They trudged on in silence for what had felt like hours but were, in all probability, minutes as Nylea led him through a series of winding passages through the dank, Tuchankan ground. That was as much as he had gotten out of her initially and all his other questions had fallen on deaf ears as he struggled to comprehend the entirety of his desperate situation.

She had led him through what appeared to be a natural-looking entrance of sorts, worn rock and shattered stone at seemingly natural angles, but on closer inspection, he had noticed a series of claw marks marring the surfaces. It had been dark enough that he had tripped about, almost falling onto his face in the first several meters of the entry and had to switch to his armour's light source for a narrow view of this underground world. When he'd asked her who she was and why she was here, all the asari had answered was that her name had once been Nylea and that the rest was none of his concern.

"Is... are we going much farther?" Kaidan asked when the silence grew, yet again, too oppressive.

Nylea didn't deign to respond, carefully picking her way across the terrain. He had turned off his suit's torch to preserve energy when he noticed that there were glowing specks in the distance, along the dark edge that Nylea walked along. With his primary light source removed, it took him awhile to notice the clear patches of bioluminescent fungus that had peppered the area, providing just enough light for him to manoeuvre and walk with little else. The ceiling of the tunnel was a ways above him and there, like tiny, pin-prick stars, shone more orbs of blue-white light that did nothing for him. Probably subterranean creatures or plants that were native to Tuchanka, like the fungus, that thrived in the musty ground. He stubbornly moved forward catching up to the asari as he felt the first dots of sweat oozing out of his skin. He hadn't noticed when it had suddenly gotten so warm.

"We have to hurry," Kaidan urged, "Shepard... He, um, he doesn't have much time."

"He has enough," Nylea replied crisply.

"How do you know that?" Kaidan blurted out, frustration evident in his voice.

Nylea turned to look at him as she raised her foot to step up onto an outcropping of rock and Kaidan felt a momentary surge of envy at how easily the woman walked through the cluttered halls.

"We know because we have seen. There have been others." And with that, Nylea turned back to her careful walk.

Kaidan chewed on his lip as he tried to digest the cryptic statement. There had been others, she had said. Other indoctrinated people? Kaidan clamped down on the welling tide of optimism that was steadily building. If the Rachni had encountered the problem before, maybe, just maybe, they would know how to cure it. Or at the very least point him in the direction of something that could.

"How many others?" Kaidan asked curiously, but Nylea ignored him as she continued up the series of naturally occurring, rocky steps. He waited impatiently for an answer.

"I said how many others have you-"

"Enough," the asari replied, annoyance written all over her words if not her face.

"Why did you say that I, um, I wasn't what you expected?" Kaidan pressed as he moved up the rocky outcroppings.

"We expected only him," came the cryptic answer as Nylea moved ever onward, seemingly uncaring about whether he would follow behind or merely trip and fall over himself.

"You knew?" Kaidan blurted, "You knew that John was indoctrinated and you didn't tell anyone?" Disbelief stilled any other outburst from rising up out of him.

"Would you have believed?" the asari bit off, clearly wishing to end the discussion.

"Wait," Kaidan huffed, "Well, maybe, I mean I might have thought it would've sounded a little crazy, but I might have investigated it, got someone to-"

"We are here," Nylea stated simply, disappearing around a bend. Kaidan started and hurried forward, not wanting to lose his haunting guide as he rounded the corner and raised a hand to shield his sight. He blinked back the spots that were dancing along his vision as he tried in vain to look past the overwhelming light source. When he'd finally managed to adjust his vision, he stared, mouth agape.

They had entered a vast cavern, clearly unnatural from the smooth, curved walls that arched gracefully up into a ceiling that disappeared into the blackness. Huge fungal growths were predominant everywhere and his boots landed with a squelching sound as he stepped on a large patch. The combined effect was magnificent and a little startling, especially after the barely lit climb that he had had to endure. He stepped back as a squat Rachni Worker shifted itself in his path and turned a single eye over to him before moving along, a bundle of the fungus in a pair of clawed hands while something else unrecognizable was nestled between another.

There were Rachni _everywhere_.

They skittered along unconcerned with his presence and seemed to be gathering, building and transporting large amounts of things that Kaidan could barely recognize. Each time one passed by him, it paused only briefly to pass an eye over him completely before moving along with a lazy wave of its tendrils. Larger, more intimidating Warriors stood around the perimeter of the cavern that he could see and up along the sides where another series of holes and portals pockmarked the walls like a sponge, a steady stream of creatures moving in and out of them, industrious ants going about their business and ignoring the strange intruder that had come into their home. Interspersed among the Rachni traffic were a bare handful of other sentient races. Kaidan glimpsed the horned crests of a turian helping a Rachni Worker with another burden while a salarian was clicking along a data-pad that it held in its hand, all thoughts of the world around him forgotten as the salarian focused on its task.

"Come," Nylea called from ahead of him, "You may have time to stop and stare, later."

Kaidan shut his mouth with a click and stepped forward, hurrying after the retreating form of the asari though his head swivelled left and right, trying to take in as much of the amazing sight as he possibly could. It was a veritable city, though alien in its design and construction, and the cavern was larger than it appeared. A thin sheet of webbing stretched across some areas, providing screens for god-only-knew what and also serving to divide the cavern into sections, like a communal transport centre.

"What... what is this place?" Kaidan croaked, not expecting an answer from the recalcitrant asari.

"This?" Came the immediate reply, startling him as he drew closer to Nylea, "This is a Joining. We use it to link the vast network of tunnels and chambers to one another. We have several of them in this area, like a main hub, and we use it to move more easily from one place to another."

Kaidan stared hard at Nylea's bobbing back. That had been the most that he had heard the asari speak since he had met her at the bottom of the sinkhole. Maybe even combined.

"So, um, are there more of them? Does it stretch much farther?" Kaidan asked carefully, trying his luck at raising some of his previous questions.

"Yes," came the reply from ahead, "There are _many_ more. We have been industrious since our Queen's departure from the Crucible. This series stretches over most of the area and we are beginning efforts to expand beneath the krogan port near Urdnot."

Alarm made Kaidan careless as he practically shouted, "What? You're going to take over where the krogan have built their settlements?"

Nylea turned a hard glare at him that silenced him and he almost bit his tongue when his mouth clamped shut; he wasn't sure if the asari had used a minute amount of biotics to still his tongue.

"This is the problem with those not Rachni," Nylea muttered, almost beneath Kaidan's range of hearing, "They do not understand. Cannot understand. It is beyond you."

"Then help me," Kaidan said with exaggerated care and a hint of his previous frustration, "Help me understand. The Rachni were... are friends of Shepard's aren't they? He wasn't the only one there when _we_ saved the-- your queen."

"We know. Our Queen has sung that song to us when we first met, of the kindness shown to us by a unique individual." Nylea sighed as she approached him and Kaidan felt himself tense despite her apparent passivity. There was no telling what she would do, for whatever reason.

"You are afraid, terrified for the one you love so dearly," Nylea said as she leant her face forward almost brushing against his forehead, "Your emotions cloud your judgement and your desperation rings in your words like sickness. You must understand, all that you know of the Rachni have been stories handed down to you from sources that were not Rachni. You have heard their versions, but not ours."

Kaidan swallowed at the blunt truth in the asari's words. Before he could frame a reply, however, Nylea pulled back and turned on her heel, once more marching off into the eerie light of the Joining and expecting him to follow in her wake.

"Wait," Kaidan pleaded, "Just... wait. How do you know what-"

"We are hurrying, yes?" came the distant voice, "The Queen waits. Hurry, we do not have much time. She will answer your questions if she permits."

 _That_ got Kaidan moving with alacrity. Then he stopped. He'd been so caught up in the moment, with the vast reveal that he'd almost forgotten about Shepard and his bearers. With a quick glance back, he felt his heart stammer to a halt as he scanned around for the familiar looking form and found it absent no matter where he turned his gaze. His breathing was beginning to come heavier while doubt and worry flooded him with cold ice when a soft hand gripped his shoulder firmly.

"He is ahead," Nylea spoke, "They have taken another route forward, unencumbered as we are with only two feet."

Kaidan let go of the pent up breath that he had unknowingly held while he was searching for Shepard and the four Rachni that had lifted him out of the Kodiak.

"Uh, alright. Thank you," Kaidan finished lamely as Nylea once more beckoned him forward and turned towards one of the tunnel openings that were present along the side, a quartet of menacing looking Warriors glaring down at him as he passed between them, making him feel small and helpless. He looked up into their eyes as he walked only realizing with a suddenness that almost stilled him that they were staring back at him. Every eye was fixed on him and there wasn't any malic or harmful intent within those compound orbs that he could detect. Merely curiosity and a vast alien intelligence that he had never noticed before in all the Rachni that he'd encountered. He forced himself onward as he tore his gaze away.

Another tight corridor of rock greeted him, the heat definitely something noticeable and measureable as he felt the warm gust push against his skin. Despite the sweat beginning to stain his face and on his skin under the armour, and despite his morbid expectations, the air was fresh. Clean and rich with the smell of loam and life. It was startling and Kaidan found himself breathing deeper to inhale the rich aroma and the imperceptible menagerie of scents that made it up.

The noises from the hub that he had left behind were beginning to disappear, replaced with a gentle swishing noise that sounded like fabric rubbing against each other. Alcoves began to appear, large rounded notches in the walls of the tunnel that were just big enough to house a single Rachni each and Kaidan felt some trepidation at watching the tendrils randomly appear and disappear. This tunnel was especially well guarded, his military mind analysed, and with such a small bottleneck, even an army would not be able to swarm through. It would take the destruction of the entire tunnel, not to mention tonnes of solid rock, just to bypass the area.

His foot caught on something as he kept his eyes forward and he looked down to see a thin film of white snagged at the edge of his battered, metal boot. Pulling at it, he felt a little resistance and finally managed to disentangle himself, though the material still clung to the tiniest scratches along the tips of his glove. Biological silk, he mused, and he hadn't really noticed it since the light from the fungus was a pale whitish-blue that had painted the walls in an illusionary cast.

Kaidan looked up just in time to see Nylea drop out of his vision, like she'd fallen through a hole, and with a yelp and some scrambling, he stumbled forward to the area that she'd disappeared. Drawing nearer showed that she hadn't fallen through the floor as he'd first thought, but had exited the tunnel through a portal that gleamed with phosphorescent light, gentle and warm. The rich smells were growing stronger as well and he carefully drew himself out of the tunnel and almost tripped before catching himself, landing on a ledge that was a foot below the exit.

He couldn't help but stare at the sight and a silly desire to snap a picture with his omni-tool rose up within him.

"We are here," Nylea added simply as she stepped away from him and stood to the side, head bowed in respect.

They had entered what looked to be a perfectly spherical chamber of sorts, not particularly large, with other small holes ringing the circumference. There were a series of concentric ledges beneath each row of entrances, like the seats of the stadiums he'd seen on the Citadel when people came to watch Armax Arsenal Arena Tournaments. There was a plethora of different coloured fungi here, covering the walls of the chamber entirely and leaving not a single space free. They were in a riot of colours as well, and the combined light seemed to mix and shade with one another, turning into a sort of natural light that was easier on the eyes than anything the whitish-blue fungi could achieve alone.

There were plants. Hardy, strange and twisted, but still plants all the same and they were just as prolific as the fungus, draping the bottom half of the sphere in a lush carpet of green that looked soft and inviting. What he'd seen on the surface could not even be considered plant life next to the thickness of the vegetation here and despite the fact that most seemed predatory and clearly dangerous, they waved gently in an unseeable breeze, almost making him want to roll around in the verdant carpet.

And there, in the centre of the green pool of teeming life, stood the Rachni Queen.

She was a damn sight better than when he'd last seen her, thrust up and bound beneath rock and Reaper-enhanced webbing that had looked like black cables and ichor. It was ironic how differently she looked now, draped in soft, white silk and seemingly lazing around in the comfortable surroundings.

"This way," Nylea prompted him out of his stillness, "She would like to speak to you personally."

Kaidan swallowed the instinctive rush of fear at approaching the humongous creature. He was not Rachni, he would never understand, but perhaps he could still learn a little. With a grateful nod to his guide and taking courage from what he'd seen of Shepard and the way that the man had so casually spoken to the supposedly violent creatures on several occasions, Kaidan went where Nylea directed, along a series of delicate looking steps that led down into the small patch of green. Kaidan noted that each portal in and out of the chamber had its own series of small, graceful steps that seemed to have been carved directly out of the rock. He also noticed a different coloured rock along the wall, behind the Queen, arranged in what looked to be an almost full circle, like someone had cut a hole through and had pasted it over with another series of different stone.

His numb steps sounded hollow as it rang around the serene chamber, feeling out-of-place and awkward, and he tried to hurry while unconsciously making his footfalls as soft as possible, though for whatever reason he could never say.

Kaidan took the opportunity to study the Queen more as he took his first steps across the plant life around the Rachni matriarch, noticing how they seemed to bend away from his footfalls like they had a will of their own. The closer he drew, the stronger was the intoxicating scent that he'd smelled before and he could almost feel a distant hum pulsing against the haptic sensors of his suit, though when he tried to strain his hearing, he couldn't catch a single sound. It was surreal, and so was the creature that he had come to beg a favour of. During the War, Kaidan and Tali had been picked by Shepard to accompany them through the caverns on a distant world where Grunt was in charge of investigating a problem for Wrex, as the krogan leader had put it. After the removal of hostiles from the main chamber, Kaidan had felt a strange mix of feelings upon seeing the creature again after all those years.

The Reapers had obviously exacted their toll on the last Queen of the Rachni. She had been severed from her children, left chained to a tower of stone and Reaper metal and surrounded with dead krogans as macabre bodyguards. Shepard had graciously allowed her to live, with promise of aid for the building of the Crucible, and while Tali had been utterly glad to get as far away from it as possible, Kaidan felt an odd sense of detached regret at not having an opportunity to speak to the magnificent creature, though with the war pressing down on all of them, it couldn't be helped.

Kaidan started suddenly, drawn away from his daydreams of the past as he noticed two other smaller figures that were _definitely_ not Rachni, standing beside the Queen in a casual yet subservient manner. One was a krogan while the other was another asari. Kaidan finished the rest of his approach with his mind fixed curiously on the pair of odd attendants and the strange obstacle that suddenly seemed to loom up in his path.

"John," Kaidan whispered.

Directly in front of the Rachni Queen was a bier of sorts made up of silk and stone, and his lover and friend was laid to rest gently across the top of the seemingly smooth surface. Kaidan tried to deny the image of a funeral pyre but with the exact positioning of the body across the surface and Shepard's pale countenance, Kaidan couldn't fully suppress the dreaded thought. In desperation, he forgot about the gigantic Queen before him and the two strange people resting at her side, his world tightly narrowed onto the man who seemed to be calmly asleep, an arm dangling off the side of the twisted pedestal, and without further thinking, Kaidan pumped his legs harder in a rush to reach Shepard's side, just to hold him and touch him, to know that he was real.

"We welcome you, Kaidan Alenko human," came the dissonant, ringing voice that sounded like a thousand voices speaking at once.

Kaidan stuttered to a halt, just an arm's length away from Shepard as he looked up at the Rachni Queen that was looming up before him and casting a large shade over the immediate area. What could he say to the vast alien under these circumstances?

"John, is he, I mean..." Kaidan stuttered out, not caring about his manners at this point.

The Queen shifted her huge orbs over to Shepard with a tilt of her head, the conversational nuances not bothering her. "He is at the edge, his song is changing. There is time yet, though little of it."

The gigantic mandibles did not seem to be making a sound and Kaidan quickly turned to look at the source of the strange voice, casting about until he spied again the two figures at the sides of the Queen. Kaidan watched as two seemingly thin tendrils emerged from behind their necks and rose up to disappear into the sides of the Queen, remembering vaguely when he'd first seen the Queen on Noveria and how she had used a dying asari as her voice, not to mention the dead krogan back during the war.

"We promised an era of co-existence, of a threading of the pattern with music and colours," she said while his attention had been fixed on her two attendants, "We desired nothing more than isolation and peace. How did you reach out and pluck the notes of our songs to find us, human?" The Queen gave him a look that he couldn't interpret.

"There was a, um, I mean, I have a... friend," Kaidan began, unsure how best to phrase his response, "She's, well, she's good at finding methods of communication. Anything to do with communication really. She was, um, interested in the way that you communicate with your... children. Something about quantum entanglement particles. So I asked her to see if she could trace your song, like following an information back to its source."

"Interesting," came the vague reply though Kaidan was sure that the Queen did not seem interested in the least, "We were unaware that this could be done. None have tried before to hear our notes in the darkness of the beyond between worlds. Perhaps the one who spared us will be able to help us better understand."

"Is there, is there anything that you can do to help him?" Kaidan asked tiredly as exhaustion and desperation coloured his words, "I'm sorry if I sound, um, if I'm hasty but I don't think there's much time. Um... Majesty?" Kaidan blushed slightly and felt immediately foolish for using the human terminology but it was the best that his tired, overwhelmed mind could come up with under the circumstances.

"Such terms are unnecessary," came the sonorous voice again and Kaidan thought that he detected a note of humour in the vast, complicated sound, "We are simply the Rachni. Our name is beyond you, however..." And with that, the Queen emitted a golden, liquid sound unlike anything that Kaidan had heard before in his life. It was a ringing sound so pure that it sent shivers through him, stilling his mind as the sweet note wrapped a warm, soft blanket around his ears.

The Queen stared down expectantly at him as the note ended, Kaidan already regretting its passing and it took him a moment longer to realize that she had given him her name, or at least, the Rachni equivalent of a name.

"It sounds beautiful," Kaidan breathed truthfully, though he utterly refused to mar the sound or embarrass himself by attempting to replicate the note.

"We are glad," came the Queen's multifaceted voice again as she returned her scrutiny back over to Shepard.

Kaidan waited expectantly, waiting for some miracle to occur and almost half hoping for Shepard to jump up off the bier and run into his arms.

The Queen continued to study Shepard and Kaidan stood nervously before her, the itch of waiting beginning to gnaw along his back and around his limbs.

"So," Kaidan ventured, "Is there, can you do anything for him?"

"Why is it that you believe our songs can overcome the darkness within him?" came the Queen's response.

Kaidan stumbled a moment before gathering himself up. "I was there when, um, when John first freed you on Noveria. And later on Utukku--"

"We remember," the Queen responded, the same note of humour evident yet again.

"Right," Kaidan huffed, losing his stride a little, "It was on Utukku when... when we found you and your... children. They were turned by the Reapers, taken away from you. You said, you mentioned that they tried to take you away too, but yet you resisted. You managed to stop it somehow."

The Rachni Queen was silent for a long moment.

"You risk much coming here," the Queen replied after a time, "There was no way for you to understand how we would receive you. That we would have welcomed you at all.

"It was a risk I had to take," Kaidan said softly, "He's dying." The words tripped along his throat.

"You are not Rachni, you have not been touched by our song," the Queen demanded, "Once, our race was considered violent and fierce, a threat to the weaving sounds of the galaxy. So great were we that many have tried to harvest our songs for their own. When that failed, they murdered us and left our children to rot in shallow graves throughout the stars."

"Uh, well, times have changed, haven't they," Kaidan said a little desperately. "I saw... I was there when Shepard freed you on Noveria. I voted to spare your life, so that, um, so that the Rachni would live."

"And why did you consider such an option, human?" the Queen questioned. "Surely you know of our previous selves, of the corruption and strength of the Rachni. Why would you unleash us upon the galaxy once more?"

"I... I don't know," Kaidan answered truthfully, "I just knew... it-- it was wrong to eradicate a single race. To stop the chance of bringing you back. I don't honestly know."

"Your music rings sincere, human," the Queen said in an almost wheezy sigh, like wind ruffling through the leaves of a tree. "You do not know, and yet still that was what you did."

"We didn't know what would have happened after," Kaidan retorted hotly, "I... We weren't sure what they wanted with you, what they were going to do you or your... children. It was months later that we found out about the Reapers, about the threat to our galaxy."

"They are destroyers, claiming to further the songs of life while sowing their own destructive notes throughout the Greatness," the Queen boomed quietly, "That which you call 'indoctrination' is their song, one of dark, sharp sounds that bend the chords and alters the very essence of a creature. Oily shadows and sickly yellow notes that are difficult to cleanse."

"But you've done it before," Kaidan pressed, "Haven't you?" His hope was now a wild thing, thrashing strongly inside of him.

"It has been done," the Queen confirmed slowly after a moment, "These two that you see before me, have had their songs twisted by the destroyers that you call Reapers. Indoctrination serves to rip out the still harmonics of any living creature and seeks to replace it with the Reaper's songs. It is abomination, but we have managed to save a few, deserving notes."

 _Yes!_ Kaidan exulted within himself, careful not to let the triumphant vindication pour out through his mouth. His gamble had paid off.

"Can you do it?" Kaidan asked eagerly, "Can you save John and remove the indoctrination?"

The Queen... hesitated. Her jaws twitched slightly as she continued to study Shepard and Kaidan swore that he saw her flinch just a little at his question. The triumphant feeling soured within him almost instantly.

"Can you?" Kaidan asked more softly this time, bracing himself for the worst possible answer after such a long consideration, "Can you save John?"

"We... are not sure," the Queen finally offered and Kaidan felt a strange mash of feelings course through him at the uncertainty in the creature's multi-toned voice.

"You're not sure," Kaidan whispered disbelievingly, dread making his voice thick, "What do you mean you're not sure? What's wrong?"

The Queen turned a quizzical look down on him with two of her compound eyes and Kaidan swore that it was a pitying look.

"There are notes, powerful notes. They are wrapped tightly around the song that is the Shepard, and they twist the chords and drown out his music," the Queen stated emphatically.

"What do you mean-"

"We... remember." There was an almost wistful resonance to the Queen's words. "These notes, they are familiar. Harsh and brutal like the drum beats of war, dominating and brilliant flashes of red strength. They are Prothean. They are keeping away the tainted screeches of the destroyers but they are too much, too discordant with the base harmonies. They will destroy him as surely. We understand that you are aware of this."

"What can we do?" Kaidan asked fiercely, already aware of the fact that Shepard's exposure to the original Memory Pylon on Eden Prime may have been all that kept him sane these long years, as well as it was slowly driving him insane. "Tell me, and I'll see that you have it."

"Why do you cling so hard to this song, young human?" the Queen asked, her voices dropping to a bare whisper, "Why is this so important? We know of your passions and your short lives. There will always be another resonance for the notes within you. If we cannot save this song, what is to stop you from celebrating its passing into the great Silence and singing of its presence?"

Kaidan felt his heart clench at the idea of losing Shepard this close to a solution and it hammered away in his chest as he struggled to reply.

"He is important because... I love him," Kaidan said finally, letting go of all of his restraints and emotional control fully, for perhaps the first time in his life. He struggled to let his raw love for Shepard flow out with his words as he fought not to give in to the despair welling up inside him.

"Another can be important, can they not?" the Queen insisted and Kaidan felt a blinding rage lash out inside of him at the thought.

"What-- what is it you want me to say," Kaidan yelled, the fear of losing Shepard like that unhinging his mental barriers, "What can I do or say that will change the fact? I was nothing, _nothing_ , until I met Shepard, I... He changed my life, everything about me and after everything that I'd been through, I just couldn't bear the thought of... It just-- He means everything to me, _everything_. When he's there, with me, it's like I can see and hear and taste for the first time. There are no 'songs' that can compare to the one that comes from him." Kaidan deflated totally as the last of his emotional outburst broke free. Tears were already trickling down his cheeks from the absolute wringing that he'd given himself, for finally admitting to himself and another besides, how he truly, finally felt for John Shepard. About why he'd give anything to have him back.

The Queen seemed to consider for a moment, unperturbed by his outburst, and before Kaidan had the sense of mind to bring up his palm to scrub at the fresh tears, the Queen waved a pair of delicate, gentle tendrils directly above his head, seemingly rocking back and forth slightly as he stood there, watching through moist eyes.

"Your passion. It is strong. So very strong. We taste the emotions, the love in your words. The sounds are beautiful. Gold, rich threads shining in a symphony. Beautiful." The Queen continued to wave her limbs gently through the air above him as she moved slightly with the motion, seemingly lost in her thoughts.

"Please," Kaidan all but begged, voice thick with emotion and tears, "I... I don't know what I can offer, what I can do, but John he's... he's done so much for us--- for me. I owe him more than I know for a lot of things, and if I can just give back to him some of what he's lost. I'll... I'll do anything, _anything_ , to have John back," he finished off in a harsh whisper, as he raised an imploring hand up toward to alien creature that was his best and only hope.

The Queen drew back slightly, her thin tentacles whipping back so fast that it made the air crack.

"You would do anything?" The Queen stared down intently at him.

"Anything," Kaidan repeated, scrubbing at the streaks of moisture along his cheeks finally.

"There may be a way," the Queen offered hesitantly as she continued to shift her gaze back and forth between him and Shepard's still form.

"What way?" Kaidan was beginning to feel an icy hand brushing against his back.

"It will be difficult. For you and for us... We are unsure..."

"What way?" Kaidan insisted harder.

The Rachni Queen turned a baleful look at him and spoke in a voice filled with a dull throb that made the hair all over his body stand on end.

"You will have to die, Kaidan Alenko human. Will you accept that way?" the Queen said with finality.

"What? I... I have to..." Kaidan thought furiously as his mind wavered, guttered and shook. Would he be able accept that his dying was the only way for Shepard to live? He was wracked with agony at the thought of abandoning Shepard in that way, of not being there for him when he was there, whole and hale. Could he condemn Shepard to a life without him when he had so adamantly refused a similar path? But he had said, he'd give anything for Shepard to come back to him, including the life that the man had shown and given to him.

"Yes. Yes, I will," Kaidan said with resounding affirmation, his doubts and fears finally clearing away leaving a startling clarity in their wake.

"So quick to agree," the Queen mused almost to herself but Kaidan responded as if she had been speaking to him.

"I am willing, to sacrifice myself, if it will bring John back." No more doubts, worries or struggling. An end, with the promise that John could live on.

"And do you understand the nature of sacrifice, human?" the Queen asked quizzically, "Do you know what it means to protect a loved one and give your individuality to the Great Silence in the hope that another song will come to sing its praises for you?"

Kaidan nodded firmly at the questions posed to him. "It doesn't matter. For John, I'll do it."

The Queen stood higher, raising her bulk up beyond him, almost as if she were prepared to throw herself down on him and crush the life out of him. Kaidan only watched, waiting strong.

"Your decision will have consequences, little note," the Queen boomed resonantly, "You must understand, as we have, the legacy of sacrifice."

"I've made my decision," Kaidan said with stubborn determination, "I may not know about it as much as you do, but I'll find out soon enough."

"As you sing," the Queen intoned. It drew back down and sent him another questioning gaze that he returned blandly, "We wonder, why it is so easy for you to accept this decision. To accept this solution as final. Your fleeting moments are well known to us, and always do they struggle against the siren call of the Silence. Why are you different?"

What could he say, Kaidan thought to himself. That there wasn't much time? That he didn't have anywhere to turn to if this didn't work? The deal between life and death was always messy and complicated, but when they got down to it and cleared the finer points, everything ended up going smoothly, whether you wanted it or not; putting oneself against the balancing scales for the life of another. Another that was special. That was more than you thought, and had given you that much. None of them sounded as well as he'd liked so he flung caution to the winds and spoke the truth.

 

 

 

"I once heard someone say, 'It's better that I suffer in Hell, so that he can stay safe in Heaven'. With this in mind Rachni Queen, I will gladly give up my life for John Shepard," Kaidan held the Rachni's gaze, back straight and eyes proud as he let slip the final piece of himself, of his determination to see this through to the end, even if it meant that he couldn't be there, waiting for Shepard when the man stepped back into the light. _That_ was going to be _his_ legacy.

"Then you sing your songs well for one so young. We will begin."

Before Kaidan could ask what he would need to do to prepare, before he could even think to address the Rachni Queen, he felt a wet warmth clamp down on the top of his head, his hair giving no impediment to the resilient tentacle. His eyes widened in shock and he turned to look up, tracing along the slim, graceful curve that lead from just above his fringe to a small part of the Queen's side. He felt the thick muscle contract and suddenly, a bright spark surged through his brain erasing all of his thoughts and sending convulsions across his muscles. His suit's warning sensors were screaming in his ear, but it sounded far away and muffled and another jolt staggered him as it fired through his synaptic neurons, again and again.

His world turned white and then black, dwindling rapidly as he felt the last of his self leave the empty shell of his body. With a dull thud, that which had once been Kaidan Alenko, Alliance Major, talented and scarred biotic and lover of the Saviour of the Galaxy, slumped bonelessly to the ground as the Queen lowered herself into quiet repose, her tendrils still attached to Kaidan's head as another drew out of her body's sheath, along the side of her massive abdomen, and made its careful way down toward the still form of John Shepard, seemingly at serene rest upon his stony tablet.


	22. To Interpret the Plucking Threads

His eyes ached, though he couldn't see anything. Everything was awash in a brilliant, numbing field of white. He felt something cool and soft pressing up against his hand, his head and his chest. That startled him. When had his armour come off? Had he been wearing his armour in the first place?

Squeezing his hand into a fist, he could barely grasp the slightly soft and bendable material though it had enough bounce for him to extend more of his weight onto the substance as he shifted, trying to pull himself up. He swore that he had opened his eyes but still, all he could see was an endless field of pure white. He willed his head to turn but it felt sluggish, like he was moving through thick water and he clenched the muscles in his neck to hasten his progress, but it proved for naught as he still turned at the same languid speed. He looked down at the ground and saw nothing but white, looked up and saw nothing but white.

 _Is this... heaven?_ Kaidan thought to himself as he tried to get his bearings, tried to stretch and test his limbs. His mind was moving as slowly as his limbs, though it was quickly catching up while his extremities seemed content to just remain in a half-doze. Scrubbing a nervous hand across his face, it was only then that he realized that he couldn't see his hand nor could he feel the warm flesh brushing across his features. It startled him and he tried to pinch himself, but again to no avail, as he couldn't pinpoint where his arms began and where they ended. He was a disembodied spirit, floating in a strange, glaring, albeit comfortable, afterlife.

"You are not dead, Kaidan Alenko human. Not yet, at any rate."

He blinked, at least he assumed that he blinked considering that he had no eyes that he could be aware of and the vast white nothingness didn't seem to be impeded by his invisible eyelids. Still, he stared at the figure that seemed to be floating before him, like it had always been there though he had been staring at the spot since he regained consciousness.

She was extraordinarily beautiful, the figure made Miranda look like some mangy street-cat in comparison, and was dressed in hues of green that made him want to drink her in after all the white that he had seen and there were accents of blue, gold and purple swirling around, seemingly shifting across the canvas of green and random intervals. She was dressed in what looked to be leaves, though leaves unlike anything that Kaidan had seen before, supple and gentle that swayed and moved when the figure did, almost like an extension of her body and, truth be told, he honestly couldn't say where she began and when her clothes did.

He opened his mouth to speak, but in this state, he couldn't feel his mouth moving and swore that the mental commands that he was trying to direct were being impeded by something else.

"You know the way," the green woman said without opening her mouth and Kaidan started at the sound. She seemed to be whispering right next to his ear despite the fact that she was standing at least several meters ahead of him. "You need merely think, and your song will resonate across to me."

"My _song?_ " Kaidan thought to himself and aloud. Suddenly it all began to make sense. "You're the Rachni Queen?!"

"I'm glad that the transition has not addled you further," the strange woman claiming to be the Rachni Queen thought out aloud, a hint of airy humour in her words.

While Kaidan had always thought of the Rachni as a race of insectoids that had their own sense of beauty and individual considerations of the pinnacle of their physical forms, he had not expected her to come to him in this way, so very human and uncannily observant about what he was considering.

"What you see is how you perceive the strumming of the notes," the Queen said simply, "I merely strike the chords. It is up to your mind how you wish to combine and interpret the information that I sing to you."

"You, um, you can read my thoughts?" Kaidan thought as hard as he could and his question was answered by the crystalline chimes of the Queen's laughter, whimsical and sharp.

"You do not have to think so hard," the Queen said, still greatly amused, "For one such as myself, I can interpret your thinking as you would the words that leave the mouth of a person. Your thoughts are a riot of songs, and I tease away the strands of sounds to know what to hear."

"Sounds complicated," Kaidan grumbled to himself and the Queen gave him a demure nod of her head.

"It is, but you will learn, in time." The flowing, sensuous figure began to turn and drift away from him at an alarming speed and Kaidan stumbled as he tried to follow her on legs that he did not have.

"Wha-- Wait! How do I... I mean, what is-"

"Your mind, human," the Queen's strong voice came from just beside his ear, "Use your mind to strike the chords. Here, you have no body. Here you must think to do."

Kaidan sputtered to himself at the cryptic instructions and had to take several calming breaths that he could not feel in order to calm the tempest of his mind. Use his mind, she'd said. Will himself forward, the Rachni Queen had said almost unhelpfully. He could do that.

A brief sensation akin to riding in a hovo-car with the screens down rushed past him and in his alarm, his will stumbled, and so did his forward motion. He stood, or floated he supposed, in the field of white with nothing to indicate that he had changed his position aside from the fact that the green woman before him was steadily pulling further and further away. Kaidan set his mind stubbornly.

This time he was better prepared for the movement and he kept his thoughts focused on moving along at a steady pace, though he did not seem to be closing with the retreating figure. Feeling slightly piqued, he used his utmost concentration to picture himself, his body, moving along at a steady pace right next to the Rachni Queen and was half-startled at the sudden transition. It was a heady feeling, and he giddily thought about how unique the experience was as the Queen kept on looking ahead, ignoring the fact that he had seemed to materialize right next to her.

"You are learning. This is good," came the voice as they moved in tandem, towards what, he couldn't really be certain.

"Why am I here? What is this place?" Kaidan had nothing else to focus his sights upon and took the time to stare at the riotous colours before him as the questions came unheedingly one after another in his mind.

"I would have thought it obvious," came the slightly unconcerned reply, "We are saving Shepard, and are making our way towards our goal."

"No I mean... Well, I thought you said that I would have to die? To save him, I mean. Did I die? Are you here to bring me to, um, whatever comes next?" The thought was a little disturbing. He would have thought he'd have imagined a slightly more muscular, manly messenger with startling blue eyes and a cropped hair cut to be his herald towards his finally reward.

"So eager?" came the Queen's reply, "Do you wish to die so quickly, Kaidan Alenko? Are you so eager for the Silence?"

"Not if I can help it," Kaidan thought to himself, but he might as well have spoken it out aloud.

"None of us can. It comes when it does, and there are many ways to die. And worse things besides," the Queen answered cryptically. Her tone was veiled however, laced with hidden meaning but he just couldn't seem to parse out the differences. Kaidan tried to focus his frustration at the answer toward her but she didn't seem to take notice. Either that, or she was ignoring him for the time being.

"So... What is this place?" Kaidan asked again, turning back to the other part of his question.

"This place is... it is the sum of all that is, was and will be." Kaidan wished to scrub his hand along his scalp but the sensation stopped as soon as he thought about it. There was no hand to receive his signal and there was no hair to touch. Kaidan focused on moving forward, he was already getting better at leaving it as a subconscious effort, as he forced insistence upon his words.

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"We have left your body," the Queen said smoothly, no doubt picking up on his earlier questions and thoughts, "You cannot see yourself because you are not actually here, in mind. The spirit is a too general term, while soul could perhaps touch upon only a portion of what we are. From here comes all that you can imagine, create or wonder. It is what is inside each living, sentient organism and it comprises of worlds and galaxies. It is both wondrous and daunting."

"That doesn't really explain--"

"Nothing I can say can begin to describe this place to you. Your kind lacks the references and words to encompass it. The words I strike resonate to you and pluck the strings of music, but how do you begin to understand the song when you cannot fathom the notes? You may learn, in time, but for now, let us say that I am pulling your mind along with mine, on our way to see your Shepard."

"He's not _my_ Shepard--"

"Is he not? Then why are you so fully here?"

Kaidan didn't know how to express himself clearly in this place, it lacked the barriers and control that a person normally had around themselves when they spoke and the completely chaotic jumble of his thoughts left it difficult to hide what he truly wanted to say. Especially after his heartfelt pleas that he'd done just moments ago.

"Fear not human," the Queen said comfortingly, "You do not need to explain. I _know_."

"That's great," Kaidan thought-whispered, "Because sometimes, I don't have a clue at all."

"Perhaps. Not yet though--"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'll learn, in time."

The sarcasm seemed to wash over the Queen and Kaidan gave up trying to prod her along with his questions, a majority of which were jumbled in his mind and were not being expressed in the way that he had hoped. The silence lasted a heart beat, a lifetime, before Kaidan managed to focus himself once more on another series of questions.

"So what do we do here?" Kaidan asked with a little doubt and confusion, "How will my being here, um, I mean I don't really see how I can-"

"I will explain, when the time is right." The Queen turned an unusual look at him, the first she'd done since they had begun this directionless movement, and Kaidan failed to place the expression before she turned back, looking toward the blankness. "It would not do to have you overwhelmed and forgetting your reason for being. It may not serve to sing the same song many times. When the time comes, you shall know."

Kaidan opened his spectral mouth in his head, he was getting very tired of the roundabout speaking and the odd turns of phrases, but before he could clarify on his previous point or raise another question, the whiteness was gone.

A sea of stars washed over him, enough to startle him out of his movement again, and he turned with gelatinous slowness to see how they had come to this place without him noticing its approach along the sheet of white. He almost half expected to see a boundary of sorts that segregated the odd white plane that he'd just been in and the so-real galactic panorama that was ahead of him.

Nothing.

No white, no blank canvas. There was nothing but the never ending tunnel of stars, glittering like gems and Kaidan was at last thankful for his incorporeal form so that he wouldn't start gaping again. He really had to get a handle on that, when he could finally recall it to himself. He twisted slightly to look back at the Queen, and as he did, he caught the pale flush of his skin as his arm carved a path, yelping slightly as he looked down and saw his nude body, his scars and manhood on proud display.

"I'm-" Kaidan began with embarassment but the Queen cut him off.

"Come," the Queen called, the whisper sounding far away and intimately close, "There is much to show you. It is necessary."

"Is it really," Kaidan thought quietly, forgetting that the Queen could pluck his thoughts out of him like fruit from a tree. He would just add the weirdness of being nude in space as something to just accept about this already strange journey he was on.

"Yes." A firm hand clamped along what he assumed was his shoulder, and the ocean of life and twinkling lights spun deliriously before his eyes, in his head, and he was still coming back to himself when he finally realized that he was 'hovering' over a innocuous looking world that didn't seem to bring back any memories or thoughts.

It looked like any other planet, tinged in a brownish-red that looked harsh and violent, and aside from the fact that it was unusually close to it's rather large sun, it boasted nothing distinct enough for him to place it among the vat majority of world's that he'd visited in his short experience.

"What is this planet?" Kaidan asked finally as the silence bore down on him.

The Queen appeared before him, regal posture and elegant hands folded primly across her chest. "I would have thought it would be obvious. This is Suen." She watched as the name failed to register and his thoughts were as blank as the place they'd just come from. "This is, or was, the homeworld of the Rachni."

Kaidan started. _This_ place birthed the Rachni? With the molten seas and permanently scorched planet's crust that devolved into air-shattering cold in the shadow of the sun's absence? This world could actually host life?

Kaidan felt his head spinning as his thoughts whirled. Wait. How the hell did he know all these facts? He could not see the planet's surface from his vantage and he'd never heard of or been to this... Suen... before. Where had all this innate knowledge come from?

"From me of course, little human," the Queen said gently as she continued to float ahead of him. "What you have experienced is the reading of notes from _my_ mind, as I have been partial to yours. What I know of the homeworld I sent along the strings between us, and you adjust and fine solace in their interpretation. It is something that the Rachni can instinctively do, a sharing of knowledge and information through our song."

A thunderbolt struck Kaidan with a suddenness that seemed to split him in half.

"You're... you're like the Geth," Kaidan whispered in realization, "You're creatures, biology, but you're basically the living versions of the Geth."

The Queen beamed at him as his thoughts passed the skein that separated them.

"I am pleased. You have a sharp mind with notes that ring true and quick," the Queen turned and cast a longing, sad look towards her homeworld, "Yes. In essence, we are similar to the Geth in that the Rachni are more than just their bodies and the shells that others see. We are the Songs, the essential movement of life within the mind and body and we can touch other songs and bring harmony or discord. The experiences of Rachni are shared among the colony, our family, and each grows more the greater the amount shared. Like the Geth, we become lesser the further apart we are from one another, the sharing of thoughts degraded to the passing of emotions, then impressions. To die alone, wrapped in the Silence and the Void, is as tragic as anything you can think of. As you have knowledge of the Geth Consensus, so too, do the Rachni have a connection to one another with and through their Queens. Though we are so much more as well."

"That's... that's amazing," Kaidan blurted out immediately, "Biological creatures that share and communicate information like... like machines! It's unheard of."

"We are the oldest living race within the galaxy," the Queen said with a touch of her previous sadness through her words, "We have existed since before the time of the Protheans, an almost complete evolutionary path that has spanned more than a hundred millennia."

Kaidan stared as a column of magma and scorched air shot through directly before him, and he instinctively willed a hand up to cover and protect his vulnerability though in truth, the proximity should have singed him to ash. Kaidan lowered his hand and stared with wonder as the molten rock sluiced the air and ran directly _into_ him, unhindered and leaving him perfectly untouched as it went on to join the rest of the flow that had suddenly materialized beneath him.

"Will you stop that," Kaidan all but snapped at the Queen, who seemed to be keeping her features a little _too_ neutral. "Just... just let me know if you're going to pull me along, or change the scenery or... whatever it is you're doing."

"I am showing you through song," the Queen replied with a tiny smile, "Pictures are thousands of words combined. The song conveys words, as you can interpret them. I am singing to you about the past, about the Rachni and our history. As I strum the complex harmonies, so does your mind pull the words together to see the image."

"Um, I mean this is all really interesting. Really interesting," Kaidan said truthfully, "But you said we were on our way to help John. Shepard. How does my knowing the Rachni's history help him? You mentioned he was, um, was close to going over the... edge."

The thought shuddered through him even more so when his physical body wasn't present, maybe _because_ he didn't have a body to anchor him with other stimuli, but the Queen dismissed the question and his concern as she continued to gesture towards the slowly creeping edge of darkness that was travelling across the surface of Suen.

"Time here is not as it was where we once was." The Queen turned a fixed gaze on him that had his phantom self swallowing self-consciously, "Surely you have felt this, at least in part."

"I... yeah, alright." The faster they got this along, the faster they could get to Shepard, and despite his severe interest on the subject, he could afford to let himself be side-tracked while Shepard's life was still on the tipping scales.

"You have come to us, in your desperate need. To me. There are none who know of the Rachni as you do, even in this limited state," the Queen looked sad beyond words and Kaidan winced at the thought of being the cause, "Would it not be asking for a favour returned if we could share ourselves with you? Would it be too much to ask that we show you what it means to be Rachni? Our songs ache to be understood. Will you not be the first?"

Kaidan swallowed the shame that had been building up in him with the first hurt words and he swallowed his haste and his pride as he tried to bow his head in humility. "Forgive me, Rachni Queen. I'm sorry. I... It's just that I'm... so close to my goal right now. I'm, um, I'm very eager for it to be concluded. Please. I would love to understand more of the Rachni. I trust you to know what you're doing."

The waves of crashing sadness abruptly disappeared, replaced by an almost shy and tentative feeling of acceptance and gratitude. "I am pleased to have your understanding. Come then, let me show you what it means to be Rachni, the songs that burn away the darkness."

Kaidan was better prepared for the transition now, and he was proud that he wasn't as startled as he was when the spray of molten rock had almost encased him and melted his face.

The lava was gone, along with the tumultuous tossing of the planet. Things had subsided somewhat, though the wavering lines in the air still made him think of overwhelming heat in the sunlit areas of the planet while a row of narrow, frosty clouds broke through the edges, where the night's shadow froze over what the sun had burned through. It was a harsh and unforgiving world.

"It was," the Queen agreed, "And in that crucible did my ancestors form and become the thing that would first call itself Rachni."

He watched as tiny, hunched-over insects of varying sizes scuttled along the ground. They died by the billions, either turning into charred ruins or being frozen into crystalline statues, and Kaidan wondered how it was even possible for any living thing to procreate and continue living with such harsh conditions.

The ground almost made him choke out a suffocated sound, and it took all of his will to force himself to breathe the clumpy soil, a silent prayer of thanks ghosting through him as clean, sweet air passed into his lungs, instead of coarse, gritty earth.

"While the surface sings violent songs of death," the Queen stated, "The underground is warm with life. Difficult as it was, many species thrived in the relative safety of Suen's soil."

It should have been impossible, seeing the billions of creatures swarming through the underneath and the soil alone should have limited his vision to a few millimetres before his eyes, but here, in his mind's eye, he could see what the Queen wished him to see. Vast networks rose and collapsed like veins pumping blood through the vast organ that was the world. Creatures would rise and fall and Kaidan watched with utter fascination as the Rachni began to take shape around him. Their ancestors were bigger than their modern relatives, almost double in size despite the uninhabitable temperatures of Suen, but they made a hardy living under the crust. They came together in small social groups, sometimes forming larger teams or scattering until nothing remained. Soon, the larger groups multiplied, forming bigger and bigger clusters that looked tribal and territorial as they fought for the precious space around them.

"There," the Queen's voice suddenly beckoned, "The first Queen. The Mother of All Rachni."

She was not as grotesque as Kaidan had imagined, especially after seeing that the Rachni's ancestors were bigger than the Kodiak, and in contrast, she was the smallest of all the Rachni that he could see. She was absolutely dwarfed by the other creatures around her, only slightly smaller than the average Rachni Worker, and had a sense of regal and gentle sloping curves that spoke of a very feminine origin. Kaidan watched as her influence spread throughout the multitudes, bringing in greater and greater numbers, until the entire area was firmly under her control. Like a network of neurons, clusters began to spread and grow away from her location, and even after her death, did the new, young Queens begin to spread their influence. A slight humming buzz began to fill his ears.

"The first Song. It was rough, and mixed, but it held a primal thread that cannot be found in the Rachni today. It is a beautiful thing to remember."

The... song... began to grow in pitch and complexity, mirroring the movement and growth of the many Rachni that were beginning to expand across Suen's surface. How he could see all the details of a single colony while overlooking the vast expanse of the Rachni homeworld, he had absolutely no clue, but he let himself be drawn into it as buildings and construction began to scatter itself throughout the dirt, with food farms and surface access proliferating madly as progress and discoveries flooded into the early Rachni society. Valuable minerals, construction materials and resources were constantly being excavated along the ever-moving edge of Suen's dusk, and the Rachni had almost entirely covered the globe. A mass network was being established, openings used during timed intervals so that Rachni could emerge onto the surface and harvest what they could in the brief respite of neither day nor night.

"This is but an accelerated revelation," the Queen stated as she watched beside him, "What I remember comes from the songs that my Queen sang to me while I was still an egg. The songs wove themselves around me and shaped my thoughts, but they are only part of the Rachni's upbringing. What I have is... muted, an old instrument that has lost its vitality, and I have only small parts that are as clear as my own memories."

The first interstellar ships seemed to leap up at him as the Rachni discovered space travel and soared, flying out to embrace other systems and multiplying. Wars and peace, fighting and resolution, all of it shot through him as Rachni civilization continued to prosper and expand across his vision, each world leaving a particular impression upon his memory as the song grew and grew. It was magnificent, a music that couldn't possibly be compared to anything that an ear could hear and he felt swallowed up in the vast music, feeling the threads of notes that made up his ethereal being resonate at different levels with the different worlds. It was almost too much and he felt drunk on just listening to the harmonious throbbing of Rachni life.

"Then, began our decline," the Queen said with sorrow.

The first Prothean ships began to hover along at seemingly random worlds and despite the almost detached feeling of observing from where he was, the Queen's overwhelming sorrow and regret coursed through him and he felt his entire being close around the sadness that exuded from the vision. Thousands of Protheans began to harvest the Rachni worlds like grain, and Kaidan watched in dread as Rachni were burned and annihilated by the millions, the survivors strung together like cattle and herded to Prothean planets for experimentation and conscription.

"Billions," the Queen corrected, "Billions were enslaved and tortured, the children turned into weapons of war. Our songs were stained by the Prothean's bloodlust, and it changed, forever, the song of my people."

The proxies surged throughout space, fighting and retreating, taking victories and defeats with equal measure as the wave ebbed and flowed throughout his sight. The Protheans were uncaring about the damage being done to the Rachni and Kaidan ached for the change that had been wrought on the creatures. After centuries of war making on their own kind and on the enemies of their Prothean masters, Queens began to change as well. Renegade groups splintered off and searched for alternatives and throughout the entire affair, the Rachni planet of Suen remained to be found by the galaxy-spanning Prothean Empire. As a last refuge, the Queens of Suen developed a link unlike anything that had been seen before, a telepathic bond between all the other Queens that the distance of space proved no obstacle to. These new Queens began to infiltrate the colonies on Prothean controlled worlds, and as generations flared off and died, this forced evolution cemented the Rachni's extraordinary communicative skills as well as their demise at the hands of their Prothean handlers.

"It was brutal," the Queen said quietly, "Quick. The Silence was gluttoned on our deaths, and what we spent thousands of years to create, the Protheans destroyed in less than a century."

Kaidan watched with numbness as the purge of the Rachni swept through him and before him, hundreds of worlds scarred and put to the torch as the Rachni evolved past what the Protheans had expected. The lack of control was not even questioned or investigated, and the Rachni were treated as failed tools that had no further use. After all that had been done to them, this more than anything, was one of their greatest tragedies, the entire destruction of their space-faring race. With each world winking out like a blanket of candles being swept away by the tide, the Rachni were obliterated, leaving nothing left except the lonely world of Suen, scarce of resources and burgeoning with every single Rachni that was alive at the time.

"It was, perhaps, what saved us," the Queen mused, "If we had been as wide spread as the Protheans, we might have met our end as well when the destroyers came. With our advancements crippled and what was left of the Rachni imprisoned on our homeworld, we were overlooked as the Prothean Empire snapped under its own weight."

It set Kaidan on edge, the dark, oily tide that completely eclipsed the edge of the galaxy. And one other spot, the centre of the Prothean's vast empire, the Citadel. The sickness spread, fire burning through brush, and over the condensed centuries, every sentient race was wiped out methodically, efficiently, until no more songs of life rang out through the dull stars of the galaxy. With their victory assured, and their mission complete, the sickening darkness retreated to the edge of space, disappearing completely, like ghosts, as the abused galaxy was left spinning, tiredly churning out more life on other planets. It left him feeling displaced.

"It _is_ unnatural, they are unnatural" the Queen quietly agreed with his thoughts, "Life and death, songs and silence. They are two parts. Always, one must exist with the other. But the destroyers, they force the silence too soon, they use silence to prevent silence. It is an abomination of the natural music, jarring the notes and scratching at the orderly chaos."

Suen flashed before him again.

"During the extinction of the Protheans, we remained trembling on the homeworld, tasting the barest hints of the dark sorrow that swept the galaxy." The vista before him swept through time and space, and he watched as the beleaguered and tortured Rachni began to build their civilization again on their now barren planet. "We did not know, could not have known, why we were spared. But years after, we saw as you do now, that the Protheans were gone, the apex of sentient species wiped out. We retreated, not willing to invite danger through the mass expansion of our race once more, but still, our homeworld was dust and we needed to travel to another, more nurturing home."

Like a child taking her first steps, Kaidan watched as the Rachni spread throughout the galaxy once more, the oldest, most adapted race after the cycle of extinction. But their progress was careful and slow this time. Queens controlled the populations of their hives while a planet was colonized slowly and with utmost precision. During the Prothean's era, the Rachni managed to bring at least two hundred worlds into their dominion in less than a few centuries. After being spared the fate of their cruel overseers, the Rachni spent thousands of years creeping and observing the changes of their galaxy.

"We lacked the capabilities of travelling through the howling light," the Queen pointedly offered, "That had been granted to us by the Protheans and what element-zero manipulations we had begun with as a nascent space faring race. Our way, our song, met its end after thousands of years of careful planning."

An ancient salarian ship of some kind, bulky and barely capable of surviving through the Mass Relay entered his vision, and Kaidan could already tell what was coming. Everyone who had even heard of the Rachni knew of the terrible wars that had consumed the civilizations of this post-Prothean era. Stealing the ships of other races, the Rachni engineered their own creations that helped them with FTL travel. After the disastrous encounter with the Protheans, they were much more careful about their relations with other species and the Queens were pulled back to Suen in the hopes of protecting them against the new invaders. With the asari, turians and salarians spending greater and greater resources on locating the Rachni hives, the collective memory screamed for caution and defence, not trusting the goodwill of the other races after the brutality that they had survived at the hands of the Prothean.

So they struck first. The Rachni Wars.

"Perhaps we were hasty," the Queen admitted, "unsure of the stranger's intentions and our place as of yet in this new, but old, galaxy. Our minds contain the memories of our ancestors, the information and experiences as fresh as they were when our ancestors experienced them. We could not allow our children and our sisters to go through another century of experimentation and torture. It eventually led to our destruction."

The combined might of the galaxy had been overwhelmed at first, swept away by the tide of Rachni that poured out of their secret corner of space like a flood and had broken through all the safeguards and defences placed in their way. Planets, whole systems, fell before the vengeful onslaught and with the Queens safely absconded on Suen, there was no way to communicate truce, to even attempt to remove the Rachni's chain of command. And so, in extreme desperation and the edge of galactic war, the turians and salarians turned to the krogan.

Brutality met brutality and monsters raged and fought on battlefields that spanned planets and moons. The krogan were the Rachni's equal in everything that they were, sheer numbers, ferocity, intelligence and strength. With the support of the galaxy's most advanced technology, the sheer power and numbers slowed, stopped and finally reversed the Rachni's all-out war. The creatures were routed, unable to keep up with the speed of progress and the combined might of four inter-galactic races, and on a last stand on Suen, their ultimatum was cast. Become a part of the combined galactic peoples and answer for their transgressions or be smothered by the weight of artillery holocaust. Not willing to subject their children to even one lifetime of untold suffering, the Rachni chose.

"What--" Kaidan didn't have a chance to finish his question.

Suen tore itself asunder, the meteorites smashing into the planet's already fragile crust and exposing the Queens to the frozen wastelands and boiling heat of their homeworld. The krogan's had innovated the technique, which they had gone on to perfect later on during the Krogan Wars, but right now they seemed children, delighting in torturing the feeble, weakened insects before them. Planetary assaults, missile barrages and cascading meteor storms utterly broke Suen apart, and as the last of the planet's atmosphere drifted into the nothingness of empty space, the Rachni were no more.

"Or so they thought," the Queen concluded.

On a derelict Rachni vessel, unmanned and almost failing in its life-support, were found the last of the Rachni. Centuries after their apparent extinction, the ancient race were given one more glorious chance, the chance to _be_ again. By then the human's had joined in the galactic menagerie of races and had been part of the team that had funded and founded the research labs on Noveria, where an innocuous egg had been recovered and hatched.

"And at last, we come full circle," the Queen sighed, "As with every story, songs are followed by silence, and the silence becomes broken with new songs."

"Um, I..." Kaidan didn't know what to say. His heart still ached over the emotions that had been radiating from the Queen during the revelation and his mind was utterly bogged down by the sheer weight of the information that he'd just been party to. "Will this... Is this important to know? About John? Not that I don't appreciate the lesson but..."

The crystal chimes of the Queen's laughter rang through the starry sea, echoing faintly within himself and he couldn't help but feel embarrassed at being the reason for the joyful sound.

"You really are quite amazing," the Queen said after she had calmed down slightly, "I have shown you the birth, the death and the resurrection of an entire species that spans tens of thousands of years. You have seen and felt, heard and known, things that no other living creature not Rachni have experienced since the time of our first songs. I would like to think that you have been given a unique and inspiring gift. And of course, your thoughts remain firmly on the Shepard. It is extraordinary, your dedication." The Queen's laughter rang through him again.

"I'm sorry, I just... Um, well, it really was an interesting look at... um..." He was sputtering like an idiot right now, his mind too stunned to come up with anything appropriate.

"It is alright, little human," the Queen replied after she subsided, "I understand your concern. I hope that you will make use of this gift that I have given you. Memories may come back, unbidden, and I hope that you may be able to use them when you most need to. Come, the other half of your song awaits."

The beautiful, serene sea of twinkling lights suddenly twisted and warped around him, pulling away as they stretched ridiculously. Kaidan yelled wordlessly, not a sound emerging from him or his mind as the Queen retreated away from him and he landed with a sharp thud. Everything was still and dark.

Where the hell was he? What the hell was this?

He pulled himself up, forcing himself to stand amidst a tangle of dead leaves and decaying wood. The air was thick with smoke and no matter where he looked, he saw stunted, dead trees weeping over their own carcasses, trailing sickeningly broken and twisted branches in their misery.

"Rachni Queen," Kaidan thought out loud, "Hello?"

Silence. It was suffocating.

_Why are you here?_

Kaidan felt his vision blur as he oriented on the sound. There. Behind the tree. He took a step forward, noticing the dry crumble of brittle leaves with each slow step and he felt like he was swimming through dank oil. He ached to hurry, and he willed himself forward like he had done before, but his movements were as slow as when he started out. He stared down as his feet landed on the ground yet again and watched with amazement as the crumbled particles and dust wobbled in the air and shifted, up his leg, to float in the still air.

His leg! He could feel it fully now, not just see it. He raised a slow hand up to his face and watched with relief as his hand appeared, that familiar flesh and throbbing pulse, moving up to block part of his vision. Was he here in the flesh? Had the Rachni Queen pulled him out of... wherever it was that she had brought him to in the first place?

_Why are you here?_

The voice was more insistent and Kaidan pulled himself forward, just managing to round the tree that he had been focused on and pulled back instantly as he almost collided with a dark, oily shadow.

It was a misty shape, like an unfinished statue of a person, and it floated dully in the air as it seemed to contemplate him and his presence. Kaidan felt an urge to reach out and touch the shape, to see if it was real, but held back on the desire as he watched the bubbling, frothing smoke rise up and whirl around the figure. It gave off an unnatural feeling of wrongness.

_Why. Are. You. Here?_

"What are you?" Kaidan blurted out as the shape repeated its question a third time.

And just like that, it appeared to lose interest in him, drifting away through the clods of ash and smoke as it moved away from him, unhurried and unconcerned.

"What the hell are you?" Kaidan almost shouted and he almost started when the figure vanished. A veil seemed to pull itself away from his eyes and suddenly, without warning, he saw that he was surrounded by an unending mob of the things, spreading out as far as the eye could see and even clinging to the dying bark of the nearby trees and sitting awkwardly in the broken branches overhead. He swallowed nervously, glad at the feeling of saliva working its way down his dry throat, as he considered his options. Then he heard it.

_Shepard. We are here. For the Shepard._

_Shepard? Shepard. Shepard... Shepard._

Kaidan ached to clamp his hands over his ears, but he had the instinctive feeling that doing so would not drown out the haunting chorus of voices. They seemed to be echoing through his brain and Kaidan doubted that closed off ears would stop voices that seemed to be coming from the very center of his brain.

"Where's Shepard? Where's John?" Kaidan yelled as loudly as he could to overcome the continuous barrage of the voices.

_Not here. Over there. Maybe here. Up there. Not around, always around._

Kaidan shut his eyes as he tried to focus on Shepard, used his notorious stubbornness and innate desire for order and control of himself and world around him, to focus his mind and narrow down his thoughts. Shepard. Find Shepard. Had to find Shepard. Keep him safe.

Kaidan opened his eyes as the voices ceased.

It was another part of the forest, he could tell because there didn't seem to be a single dead tree left standing. The area was completely desolate, reminding him of nothing else but a forest that had been torn apart by an explosion. The trees lay on the ground, pointing at the same direction like religious hopefuls bowing in homage to their god.

"He is here," came the Rachni Queen's wispy, thready voice, weaker than anytime he'd heard it before. "You must search. Find him. Save him. Sacrifice yourself to save him."

The words warmed through him, a refreshing pool of water that calmed and stilled him while it filled him with nervous anticipation. Yes, he was here to bring Shepard out of this madness at any cost, and he already knew the cost. Putting aside his curious considerations he eyed the unnaturally placed trees and resolved to find out what was at the epicentre of the strange clearing, though he thought he knew what he'd find.

"Are you here?" Kaidan asked to the still air as his boots pulled up through the thick air and he slowly floated forwards.

"No. Not here," came the Queen's reply and it was growing fainter with each word. "I am holding them at bay. The sounds, the songs. They are looking for you, they are trying to keep you from the Shepard. But I will do as much as I can. They are layered strings, drumbeats and shadows, and I can remove their traces. Pluck away the offending notes. When you find him, you must..."

Kaidan waited a heartbeat, then another and when the Queen's voice stilled in his head, he could feel the first tendrils of panic begin to set in.

"Rachni Queen? Um, hello? Are you there? Here? Anywhere? What must I do?"

Nothing but silence met him and the panic was beginning to grow in howling inches as he struggled to move as fast as he could. That couldn't be good.

He moved like that for the space of a breath, for an eternity, and his mind was coursing with energy and as exhausted as he'd ever been in his life. It was an extremely odd experience, one that he hoped that he would never have the chance to experience again.

Sobbing broke through his silent reverie, the sobbing from a child.

The trees were suddenly there again, slapping at him before he had the chance to register their presence, and he flailed with exaggerated slowness as he pressed himself up against one of the dead things and paused.

There. More sobbing, sounding like it was moving away.

The dark shapes were still there and Kaidan could have sworn that a discordant echo was emanating from them, though he forced himself not to listen as he wrestled with his poor directional sense in a place where direction seemed to have no meaning, trying to pinpoint to crying child.

A flash of blond hair seemed to stroll past a break in two trees and he trained himself onto the space like a varren on an injured pyjak. The sobbing continued, growing stronger and stronger. He pushed himself forward, thrusting his legs into the ground as he willed his muscles to move him along faster, just a little bit more faster.

On a seemingly overturned log, surrounded by an embankment of dead leaves, stood a young human child, crouched and shaking like he had just woken up from night terrors. The child's back was turned to him and Kaidan ached to reach out and comfort the child, who didn't seem to notice he was there, and Kaidan opened his mouth to call out to the suffering youth when something sparked along the edges of his vision.

A man, seemingly at ease in this dreary place, leaned casually against the trunk of an adjacent tree and Kaidan hadn't noticed the tree or the man before when he been running after the child. The man was dressed in Alliance fatigues, the chorded frame and muscles so achingly, wondrously familiar, leading up to broad, strong shoulders, a head of barely-there-hair and blue eyes that sang to his soul

"John!" Kaidan yelled ecstatically. "John! It's me!"

The words struck the man like punches, causing him to flinch at each syllable and Kaidan forgot about the child, turning to face Shepard now that at long last, after a lifetime in this hellish place, he had found his lover. Kaidan continued to run towards Shepard, seeing with bright eyes as his friend, his heart, finally noticed his approach and turned to greet him, arms blooming wide in a hearty embrace.

Kaidan grinned to himself, not caring about anything but rushing himself into the familiar embrace, not even when flames began to lick along the undersides of the man's feet and arms.

Horror filled him as he stumbled, falling to his knees as the flames rose over Shepard's body, consuming him as quickly as paper. Shepard continued to smile and grin, the look becoming more lunatic on that face as the flame's orange-red glow gave off a sickening hue that bathed the other man in blistering heat.

"No, John, no!" Kaidan tried to shout, but his tongue was dust and his throat burned with the sight of his lover being consumed like a bonfire pyre. Before he could even pull himself up, Shepard was gone, drifting ash on a wind already filled with sorrow.

Kaidan howled, tremors wracking through his body as the last of John Shepard drifted away, mere inches away from his outstretched hands. He yelled his fear, his sorrow and he his stomach lurched as his stomach tried to empty itself out. He was sick, sick of all this, and watching Shepard die once was more than he should have been able to bear.

A child sobbed into the twilight.

The child! Kaidan rounded, and flinched as he saw Shepard crouching next to the child, both figures staring up at him eagerly. Kaidan swallowed at the thought of seeing Shepard engulfed in fire, the memory searingly fresh and it was one that he knew would remain with him for the rest of his naturally long life, but he forced himself to run towards the pair, the huge broken trunk no longer propping the boy up.

Kaidan ran. He pushed, shoved and stubbornly refused to give up as his muscles screamed at him, told him to rest, to stop. He shoved the thought away as violently as he could, keeping his gaze fixed onto Shepard and the child as the first flickers of orange light began to cover the two.

Kaidan stumbled to his knees, the relaxed duo no longer within his sight as his powerful arms wrapped themselves suddenly around both the child and Shepard, though he had been meters away from them just a fraction of a second ago.

"John," Kaidan sobbed gratefully as the burning embers failed to materialize, "John. You're safe now, I'm here."

Kaidan pulled back to look into the deep, blue pools of his lover's eyes. They were still looking behind him, both Shepard and the child, and Kaidan tried to turn Shepard's head to look at him, tried to make the man see who Kaidan was and that he was here for him. He would have had a better chance at moving a mountain with his teeth. He leaned back so that he could get Shepard to look at him, to realize that he was here to save the man, but he felt his heart go cold in his chest when he finally met Shepard's eyes.

They were dead. Like the glass eyes of some ancient, ceramic doll. They were completely and utterly lost.

Kaidan felt despair well up inside him. He had never seen anyone look so lifeless, even a corpse had more of a spark than the marionette before him.

"John," Kaidan moaned hopelessly, "No, no. Why aren't you here? Why aren't you there? Dammit John, why."

The dead, lifeless Shepard continued to stare behind him, the small smile looking mocking and grotesque on the face of his lover. This... monster, this atrocity, couldn't be Shepard. How many times did he have to search? How many puppets would he almost-reach and search just so that he could find the real Shepard, hidden deep within. He just couldn't--

Wait. Kaidan collected himself, slowly putting the pieces together in motions as slow as he'd moved since he had gotten into this forsaken forest.

This person, this thing, couldn't be Shepard because it _wasn't_ Shepard.

Kaidan paused, took a deep fortifying breath, and turned to look at the child, who had been staring up at him intently the entire time, and it was only now that Kaidan noticed how blue the child's eyes were.

"John?" Kaidan asked quietly.

"Kaidan," the child's voice responded instantly, apparently pleased, "You're here. In my mind."

"Your mind?" Kaidan blurted out, not comprehending.

"My dreams, my thoughts, my waking moments," the child-Shepard said, "They are here. The shadows that you saw, they have been haunting me since the start of the war. They have been chasing me, hounding me and running me into the ground."

"What-- What do they want?" Kaidan asked hollowly.

"They want me," Shepard said simply, "They want to be me, or at least, I think that they want to take over what I am. Who I am. It's been so tiring, fighting here alone. But something's changed."

"I, um, I brought some help," Kaidan offered by way of a partial explanation, "The Rachni Queen, she, um, she helped me gain access to your mind. I think." Thoughts about sacrifice, about dying, hovered just at the edge of his brain but he refused to acknowledge them then. There would be enough time to consider them, he hoped.

The child broke into a wide grin, immediately grasping the situation. That was Shepard alright. "Wow. You managed to find the Rachni? Sneaky. And very clever, Kaidan."

Kaidan swallowed the nervousness within him. Could he tell Shepard about the price that he had to pay in order to save him? About the life that was required in order to preserve another?

"Yeah, well, you know me, John. I'm all kinds of clever." Kaidan's words didn't have any heat, and the humour smashed into the ground as soon as it left his mouth.

"What's wrong, Kaidan?" Shepard asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Damn, but the man was always so observant and so suspicious of everything. He was going to miss that terribly.

"Nothing, John, it's just that, well-"

"Human," came the Rachni Queen's voice and Shepard started at the sound, eyes going bug-wide.

"Is that the-"

"Yup. Sounds pretty doesn't she?" Kaidan said tiredly. "I'm listening," Kaidan replied, addressing the Rachni Queen.

"I can hear... the song has changed, your resonance, altered." Kaidan strained his hearing, almost failing to pick up the last few words. "You have found the Shepard."

"Yes," Kaidan said simply, even though he was aware it wasn't a question. "What do I do now?"

"Sacrifice," came the Queen's breathy reply and Kaidan looked sharply at the child-Shepard, noticing that he was looking up at him curiously, though without any concern in his open features. Apparently had hadn't heard what the Queen had directed at him. "Your life, you must sacrifice. Your song."

"How?" Kaidan whispered as he tried his best to keep the conversation from Shepard, channelling the thought directly to the Rachni Queen.

"Embrace your love. Hold him tight. Return to him all that he is, all that he was. Your song, it has threads of your love for the Shepard. You must pull that part out, and return it to him. His song is altered, corrupted and disjointed by the host of other songs that have been pressing upon him. The Prothean threads, the sour notes of the destroyers. They have changed the base melody, but you have part of that within you. You can weave the rest of the song, as long as you have the harmony. You must weave the notes, remember the song, and give it back."

Tear out his memories of Shepard? That sounded worse than death.

"Will he... Will he remember... anything? Me?" Kaidan whispered in dread.

"Perhaps. If you hold on tight enough. I believe that you will, and he can."

Kaidan pulled away to look the child in the eyes, not even caring now that the false-adult Shepard had completely vanished. The forest had gone deathly silent, the cacophony of dark voices absent and not even the creaking branches seemed to sound in the still air. All that Kaidan could feel was himself and the man that he loved, locked away in the guise of an innocent child.

"Come on, sweetheart, let's go. I'm getting us out of here." Kaidan's voiced throbbed with sorrow, despite his best efforts to keep it in. So much unsure, so many reasons not to, but only one reason to.

Kaidan hugged the child fiercely, thinking of Shepard's strong body, the heat and strength. Maybe this was, in essence, what was left of Shepard after the toll that had been taken on the man's mind, this one last spark of innocence and humanity represented in the form of a child. He would do what he had to, to save it.

It began with a tingle, like a pinched nerve that struck out along the side of his arm. Kaidan cracked open an eye, watching as his arm glowed from within like his blood was fire and light. His skin tingled with greater intensity, and he felt his flesh begin to unravel, turning into shining threads of light. There was gold, blues, whites, greens, all manner of colours and colours that he could not even describe. He kept his eye open as he watched himself twisting away, the fabric of his being shredded down into glittering strands. The Queen's words echoed in his mind and he forced himself to think of the Normandy SR-1. The first time he'd seen Shepard. The stubborn, playful man that had captured his attention, and then his heart as they made their heedless way through the cosmos on their grand adventure.

Love. When Shepard had saved him from the Memory Pylon, and the fluttering in his chest as he had waited impatiently for the man to regain consciousness in the first med-bay. The shy grin and the pleasant heat that had played across him at the man's reassurance and conviction.

Love. When Shepard had chosen him on Virmire, had shouldered his burden of guilt and had taken full responsibility for Ash's death and sacrifice. How Kaidan had looked upon the selfless act and the man that had committed it in a whole new light, like the world opening up before him. The pain of losing such a recent, dear friend had been blunted by the new way with which he had seen Shepard, and he had begun to question why he had been drawing closer and closer to the beaming intensity that had been Shepard.

Love. Their first night together, flesh to flesh and heart to heart. The throbbing oneness at being with the man and their intimate, passionate rush that had Kaidan breathing, seeing and feeling like a living being for the first time in his life. It was more than just the sex, it was the passion, the overwhelming feeling of held-back adoration and care that had felt more real than anything else. He had loathed it when their embrace had ended, had almost seen Saren's invasion of the Citadel as a personal slight against him, the universe conspiring to keep him away from the comfortable, comforting arms of Shepard that had made him feel human more than anyone or anything else before.

Love. Horizon and the pain that he had felt at finding out that Shepard had died over Alchera. Of the months of therapy and years of never moving on, of always knowing that there was some part of him that died with Shepard at the hands of the then unknown Collector ship. The pain had returned, sharper than ever before at seeing the ghost, the memory come to life before him, pulling the colony out of the Collector's grasping clutches and saving them all yet again. Shepard had saved them, tired and relentless and Kaidan had crushed the man, smashing their love to irretrievable pieces. It was his biggest regret and despite what he had said after, he had never truly forgiven himself for not standing by Shepard then.

Love. Earth, a return of countless favours, pulling Shepard out of the decaying ruins of Vancouver. Their hands clasped and Shepard smiled a smile of absolute love as Kaidan pulled him aboard the Normandy, the world and everything else in it falling away like cheap cloth as they locked gazes, as they had in the Alliance meeting chamber, and Kaidan felt the spark reignite, it had never died even then, and the flame of passion and completeness filled him after years of isolated doubt. Kaidan knew, perhaps the first time since Alchera, that here was a man who cared deeply for him, who soldiered on because and for him, and just a glimpse into the love that Shepard had held for him was enough to set his mind racing and his heart aching with want. Kaidan resolved to correct his past mistakes.

Love and Mars. The Citadel and his rest while he was out of action. The barely heard words and the offer of truce, after all that he had done to the man, to Shepard, and his paltry attempts at amends, the hours it took for him to muster the courage to ask Shepard out. How Kaidan had been hesitant, shy and uncomfortable with the feelings that had plagued him, having never felt so consumed by a single person in all his life, and how he stubbornly struggled to come to grips with the chaos that had buoyed him pleasantly during his darkest times alone. After the coup, they had Rannoch, Thessia, the Geth. Their nights were filled with battle discussions but also with each other, and it was a simple comfort and the best. Kaidan had ached for more. Their shore leave, and the easiest wonder of all, a simple day and night together. Getting to know even more about the other, and a simple dinner for two. After that, Cronos Station, Earth and the run. And the knowledge that Hackett had thrown at him, that the man he loved wasn't that man after all. Indoctrination and the fear that Shepard had been, at last, truly gone. But he had endured, despite it all, because he loved the man too much to admit to anyone and at last, now, did he have the chance to let it all pour out from him. The war and Shepard, always at his side, and the promise of more. The promise of forever.

"Feel's warm," Shepard muttered into his neck and Kaidan nodded as his tears of love and regret poured down over his face to wet what was left of his arm.

He was a shining star now, brighter than the largest sun, and his light chased away the soot and shadows, beaming so bright that shadow was gone, replaced by his light and the light that he held for the man within him, before him. His fingers were gone, the threads already wrapping around Shepard and soaking into the man, the boy, the man's skin and Kaidan continued to watch as he unravelled, as the sickening darkness was scoured from his heart and himself. The devouring light raced across his arms and pulled even more threads, gold and rich with the strength of his emotions, and Kaidan wept anew at the sight.

Countless millions of threads were pulling away from his covetous form, twisting gracefully through the air as the swarmed and swirled in a chaotic dance around the two kneeling bodies. Shepard's eyes were closed and the radiance bathed the man's face. It was Shepard, the man, crouched there and kneeling before him, no longer the simulacrum child that he had been cradling. The light peeled away, and he felt the last of his sense of touch die as the ravening threads reached past his shoulders, breaking the contact and voraciously spreading out across his strong chest and the stronger heart that thrummed fiercely within. He was floating on a wave of emotion, shifting and swirling and churning in an intricate dance of thoughts and memories, the threads breaking off in waves and rushing towards Shepard hungrily, going through him, onto him and swarming around Kaidan as well.

His head, encompassed in all that was left that he had to give, saw Shepard's blissful look of pure contentment and love. It was enough. It was worth it.

"I love you John," Kaidan whispered, while his tongue began to fray into glistening strands. "I've always loved you. I've had regrets, I still do, sometimes. I never thought that I did enough. If I could have gone back and done anything different, I would have let you know that I loved you so much, let you know earlier. So that we could have had more time. Like this. I love you John Shepard. Remember me, remember us. Goodbye."

The last to go was his sight, and rather than the darkness that he was expecting, he felt a brightness that shone through him and calmed him to his core. It was perfect. Shepard's face, his sharp nose, strong chin and bright cheeks. The stubble and short hair, blue eyes closed with a rapturous look that warmed him more than the light that had been pouring out of him. A final sight of his love to carry with him where ever it was he was heading next. It was magnificent, sad and joyful, fulfilled and achingly heartfelt. Perfect.

The light exploded out of the two figures as the last of the threads separated and joined, weaving and twirling madly about. The forest of dead, stunted trees vanished quietly in the spreading halo and so too did the ground, the sky, the remnants of the twisting dark shapes. Such things couldn't stand before the absolute brightness pouring from the pair and Shepard's kneeling figure dissolved as well, as the light scoured him clean and raised him up anew, the love that he had shared with Kaidan cleansing him and burrowing within him, becoming more, a perfect amalgamation of both of them, of both their love for one another. Another silent explosion shattered the mindscape and the figures within it as it spread out and wrapped itself around the void of thought and mind.

At last, they were both free.


	23. The Sum Total Different Ways to Die

There was a warm breeze gushing past his face, gentle, yet with enough force to stir his skin and make the head on his head sway ever so gently in the movement. There was something soft beneath him, something redolent with the smells of loam and life, of promises kept and answered. His back itched and despite the apparent softness of the surface that he was lying on, there was a hint of something harder, pressing relentlessly into the small of his back. His hand was askew, running along beside him while the other rested at an awkward, numb angle beneath him and he shuddered as a hesitant breath left his lips in a quiet sigh. Dim, soft light played gently across his eyes, which he slowly opened as more and more sensations began to crowd into him.

That was odd.

Kaidan shifted slightly as he pulled himself up, the mother of all migraines already stabbing him in the head as his world swam with vertigo, the strange disconnectedness he was experiencing in his head, with his body, already fast fading and being replaced by a sense of confusion. How in all that was holy, did he end up here?

The soft Tuchankan grass swayed and moved gently across his outstretched palm, caressing him in a tender fashion that made him shiver. The artificial sphere that had been pockmarked with entry and exit holes, slim staircases and the attendants of the Rachni mother were exactly as they had been when he'd gone... he wasn't really sure where he had gone. He turned swiftly, glad that his body was responding with alacrity and that his movements had returned back to normal.

The Rachni Queen lay prone on the ground, splayed about in apparent rest and her two attendants were now no longer beside the gigantic, still form. It must have cost her more than she had let on, if this particular healing had exhausted her to this point. Kaidan stood himself up on wobbly legs, swaying slightly as the migraine began to fade quickly, an extraordinary but very welcome turn of events, and he staggered his first few steps towards the stone pedestal that ran at waist-height, holding the slowly breathing form of John Shepard. His eyes swept over his lover in a new way, like he was seeing Shepard for the first time, and as he stole closer, hands almost touching the silky stone, a bright, warm bubble burst into being within his head.

"John?" Kaidan whispered, fearing, dreading a lack of response.

"Kaidan." The reply was like the breeze around the chamber, barely present, but enough, just enough to tickle along the ridges of his ears. It was like a satin thunderclap, rains pouring down over parched ground. It was Shepard.

"John, oh god, John," Kaidan cried out in his half-blind stumble, relief unhinging his legs and his mouth as he repeated the name over and over again. Not Shepard, the hero that the galaxy saw, but John, the man that Kaidan saw. The bubble grew larger and brighter, like a will-o-wisp gently glimmering in the corner of his brain. It washed away what little fatigue and throbbing pain had been left in him, making him feel rejuvenated as he wondered what the hell that growing sensation in his head was.

"Hey, Kaidan, I-" Shepard coughed out a choked breath as Kaidan's vice-like arms gripped the man and curled tightly around Shepard's shoulders, squeezing for all that he was worth. "Whoa now. You're acting like I almost died." A quiet chuckle escaped the man, still lying prone with Kaidan crushing him into the stone surface, trying futilely to push himself up into a sitting position.

Kaidan pushed the man back down against the stone, a flicker of anger building up against the amusement that was also rising in tandem. How could that insufferable man be so casual about his almost-demise? Was everything always going to be a joke to him? Kaidan paused after a moment. Amusement? He wasn't amused! Shepard had almost _died_ , or worse, lost to the twisting paths of madness and he was amused with the situation?!

A wondering, slightly frustrated look past over Shepard's face as he considered Kaidan, breathing heavily back at him. Why did Shepard look upset with him? Was it because he had shoved the man back, perhaps harder than he'd intended?

"Why am... Why do I feel just a little pissed off with you, Kaidan?" Shepard asked as he shook his head slightly to chase away the lingering cobwebs.

"You're pissed off at me?" Kaidan ground out, "You were almost lost to indoctrination and the Prothean Memory Pylon, you almost died in my arms, John, and you laugh because I'm acting like you almost died? You almost did die, John!"

A flare of heat washed over Shepard's eyes during the tirade but the man schooled his features and shook his head again, more vehemently this time as he swung his legs over the side of the tablet, placing a supportive hand along the sides of his temple. The nestled warmth in Kaidan's mind, flickered and churned. What the hell was that thing?

"Something's... something's not right," Shepard whispered almost to himself.

"What? What's not right?" Kaidan asked urgently, their near escape from Shepard's madness too close for him to relax just yet.

Shock filled Shepard's eyes as he stared at Kaidan like he'd seen a Husk in his place instead and Kaidan felt a shiver pass through him as his hair tried to stand on end.

"You... you heard that?" Shepard asked softly, "You heard what I thought?"

"Of course, I heard it," Kaidan snapped, "I don't think-"

Wait. Kaidan backtracked along the words that Shepard had just blurted out. What the other man _thought_? He had read Shepard's mind? The little bundle was beginning to grow tiny, soft spikes along its edges, and while it wasn't unpleasant, he wasn't particularly comfortable with _anything_ having spikes, no matter how soft, in his head.

"Yeah, I can feel it too," Shepard groused and Kaidan forgot himself and stared at the man, who was still rubbing his head and looking down at the carpet of green. "The little... the fuzzy light in my head. Golden and sweet. What is it?"

That was a _damn_ fine question, Kaidan thought, wincing slightly when Shepard looked at him and nodded his assent. Oh god, what the hell was going on here? The Queen. He had to speak to the Queen and ask her what she'd done to them.

Kaidan looked up at the mountainous form just meters behind Shepard, who had followed his gaze and shifted to look at the Queen as well.

"Rachni Queen," Kaidan spoke up, "What... what happened? What did you do to us?"

Silence answered.

"Um, hello? Rachni Queen?" Kaidan was beginning to feel uneasy and the little warmth in his mind was reflecting a similar pattern of emotions.

"She cannot answer you," came a quiet, feminine voice behind him and Kaidan jumped at the sound, hearing Shepard curse as he turned as well. "She is gone, the Silence at last, having come to claim her." Nylea looked despondent as she bowed her head respectfully at the Rachni's looming shape.

"She's dead?" Shepard asked and a flicker of sorrow passed through Kaidan before he could follow it.

"As you put it, she is no longer with us," Nylea said, head still bowed. She brought her eyes up and Kaidan saw fresh tears shining in her eyes. "Though we can still hear the remains of her song, she will never sing again."

"Wait, just... wait. How can she be dead? What the hell happened? How long have we been, um, how much time has passed since I..." Kaidan was feeling off-balance, he was expecting never to wake up again, not for the Rachni Queen to die in his stead! An annoyed response and a flit of anger welled up and subsided within him, though he was sure that it hadn't come from him.

"Not long. A few hours. We are well into the night. She spoke to me, at the last," Nylea said, turning her gaze onto him, "She explained to me what had occurred, though I still do not understand some of what she sang to me. It is... difficult to imagine."

"What happened?" Shepard was pulling himself off the slab and his legs wobbled uncertainly. Kaidan instinctively reached out to support the man.

"Your... friend," Nylea said with a wave towards Kaidan, "He went into your mind, to erase the influence of the Reaper's indoctrination and the burden of the Prothean memories. It was a daunting task, so many voices crushing your sanity with the weight. While the Queen was capable beyond words at performing the task, she was not as she had been before. In her weakened state, she spent the last of her energy to help Kaidan in his efforts to purge your mind."

Stunned silence filled the air between them, seemingly feeding on itself and growing till it stilled any response from the two men. The asari turned a briefly accusing look at Kaidan before shifting her focus back onto the Queen.

"She knew, as did the rest of her children," Nylea said contemplatively, "the price that she had to pay if she were to help you with this."

"But... Um, but you told me. I mean, she told me, she's done this before. With others. Why was this different?"

Nylea froze him in place with another look as she answered crisply. "Because you _are_ different. I told you when you first came with Shepard, there were other matters afoot. The Queen, she has her own legacy to attend to. The birthing was difficult, after everything she had been through, and she had been awake and aware for an entire _month_ , singing to her new child of the Rachni, of her life. The new Queen is newly hatched, and not yet ready to face the world, but in time, we will guide her and she will lead this hive as her Queen did, before."

Kaidan's mind swam with the information. The Rachni Queen had refused sleep and rest and had been tending to her new Queen for a month before she had expended her efforts to help him? Small wonder that she had passed, especially after the monumental effort that had been required to perform what she had done.

"What happened. To us, I mean," Shepard asked as Kaidan was busy engrossed with his own thoughts.

"I would have thought it would be obvious by now," Nylea replied casually, her gaze shifting back and forth between the two of them. "She told me how your song was... broken. Patched with different notes that ruined the harmony of your song. Of who you were. She broke this one," Nylea ran a hand in Kaidan's direction, "and used his song and his memory of you to fix the threads and mend the song. You are joined, as she was to her children, with each other. You are neither John Shepard nor Kaidan Alenko, but something more. Parts of each of you remain fixed in the other."

Wonder surged through Kaidan and it was mirrored by his own sense of awe. He had been bonded, in his mind, to Shepard? That was what the little, bright globe in his mind was. It was the compressed link that he now shared with Shepard and it was the man's emotions and thoughts that poured through and influenced his own. It was unnerving and a little exciting.

"We can," Shepard cleared his through as he sought to clarify, "So we can, what? Hear each other's thoughts? Feel what the other feels?" Shepard turned a frank look at Kaidan and he felt an echoed sentiment rise up in him.

"Yes," Nylea said simply with a nod, "You are now one. This close, you should be able to pick up the tiniest strands of the song from each other, akin to reading the thoughts of the other. Further away, you can still hear the hum, like a familiar music at the edge of hearing, and feel what the other feels. The Rachni are this way as well."

"But that doesn't make any sense," Kaidan blurted out immediately, "She said that I would have to die! That I had to die to save John!" Kaidan ignored the searing look that Shepard tossed at him and he knew that he was going to pay for his rash decision.

"There are many forms of death," the asari replied quietly, "It was not the death of your body that our Queen spoke of, but that of your identity. Who you were before. You are no longer the human who made his desperate way into the home of the Rachni. You are no longer the Kaidan who came to us. As our Queen has shared her thoughts with you, so too did she share your thoughts with the rest of us. We know you as intimately as you know yourself."

"I died, inside?" Kaidan asked stupidly, still not fully processing the facts. He was too busy focusing on the dancing light inside of his head and the comforting sense of love that was exuding out of it.

"In a sense, yes." Nylea turned to gesture at the Rachni Queen's still form, her corpse. "Part of Shepard is now within you, replacing the songs that the Queen used to heal him. Part of you is now within Shepard, used to heal him of his madness. You are neither Shepard nor Kaidan, but the sum total of these mixed parts. So in a sense, who you were has died, trying to bring back your love."

"I'm sorry," Kaidan said immediately, shame building up inside him, "I never intended for this to happen. I... I thought that I would be the one to pay the price, to have to..." Another wary look at Shepard who was still studying him firmly.

"It is done, and not all is lost," Nylea spoke as he trailed off, "While we have lost the Queen, she will continue to lead us in the newest Queen, barely ready to hatch from her shell. When you came before her, begging for Shepard's life, the Queen was already aware of the toll it would take on her, and she accepted it willingly. There were other considerations and she judged it acceptable that her death would not end the Rachni's continued existence." Nylea turned a strange look on Shepard. "Think of it as repayment for old debts. You have saved her life twice, Shepard. Now, she has saved your life, and the life of your other."

"Her sacrifice will be honoured, by both of us," Shepard said resolutely and Kaidan marvelled at how quick the other man was to recover after the complete barrage of information that they had just received. "Please, send my condolences and thanks to your new Queen, when you are able."

Nylea turned a small smile toward Shepard at the words. "You understand. You accept. You are more Rachni than I had previously thought, during our meeting on Illium, all that time ago. That makes me glad that the Rachni have had an influence in your thinking, Shepard."

Kaidan turned a questioning look at Shepard as Nylea directed a frown at him. Well how was he to have known that he should have just accepted and thanked the asari for the death of her Queen?

 _Thanks, John. You sure showed me up,_ Kaidan directed as strongly as he could to Shepard, and wonders of wonders, the man blinked suddenly and cocked his head at him.

 _You deserve it,_ Shepard thought back, _especially after what you almost pulled. You and I need to have a long talk about your casual lack of regard for your own life, Kaidan._ Humour tinged the sending and Kaidan relaxed as it passed over to him.

"Now, you must go," Nylea said during their brief, personal communication. "With the Queen's influence limited to the song that she sung before her passing into the Silence, the hive will be in disarray. The new Queen is still days yet from hatching, and the Brood Warriors and attendants will do what we can to keep the others from panicking. Soon, the others will begin to doubt and fear, and it would be best if there were no strangers present."

Shepard nodded carefully as he digested the information. "We should... go."

Kaidan barked a quick laugh, a grin spreading along Shepard's face. The bright bundle of thoughts and emotions playfully shone in the back of his mind. Everything was going to be alright.

*

The shuttle ride back had been pleasantly uneventful, the time riding back to the Normandy and Urdnot's growing port filled with each other's thoughts and the silence that came from the comforting familiarity with each other's presence.

EDI had been beside herself, as much as an AI could be, unable to reach him on his suit's communicator and she had been pinging and calling through the shuttle's main communication channel for the last few hours trying to get some response. Her tinny voice seemed laced with concern, though Kaidan wondered if this was a forced algorithm that she had set to express her concern or whether she had unknowingly voiced her worries in that way. After calming her down and assuring her that they were alright, Kaidan had quickly summed up what had happened and told her they were making their way back to her and the Normandy.

The night had been silent, Shepard sitting in the co-pilot's seat while Kaidan had steered them back through the still, cold darkness, and the screens had been set to display the huge strings of stars that shone through overhead. Their hands had been laced, sharing each other's warmth throughout the journey, and Kaidan marvelled at the soft counterpoint of their return, so unlike the chaotic descent and tumble that he'd had to endure when he was making his way over to the co-ordinates that Traynor had provided for him.

Every so often, Shepard would break himself away from staring out at the distant stars and pause to stare at Kaidan, more thoughts and complicated feelings passing through the unique bond that they had shared. Kaidan felt... calmer, more at peace with himself than he had ever had before. Like a part of Shepard's rock solidity had placed itself within him and had shored up his nervousness and tight sense of order. There were other, more heated moments when their desire for one another had overwhelmed almost every other thoughts in his head and Kaidan felt himself growing thick and heavy just sampling the different things that were passing through Shepard's mind.

They coasted smoothly into the Normandy's cargo hangar, barely making a sound as Kaidan seemed to pilot the Kodiak with slightly more expert ease. He wondered if some of Shepard's piloting experience had begun to rub off on him, but dismissed the thought as soon as it came. During their run against Saren and the corrupted Geth, Shepard had been a terrible driver, almost killing them as he drove the Grizzly with wild abandon, caroming off mountainsides and flinging them at Geth Armature with reckless care. Definitely not Shepard's influence that had him setting the Kodiak down with professional ease.

It was later than they had first thought, well into the earlier hours of Tuchanka's night and probably just a few hours from dawn. Kaidan had tiredly stepped out of the Kodiak once docking procedures had been completed, already running through the list of things that he would have to do once the next day came, and he would have gladly used the few hours respite to get some rest and plan his reports to the various groups that he was connected to. Liara would especially be glad to know about Shepard's improvement, not to mention that she would be just as eager to learn about how well they would integrate the final piece of the beacon. Despite not being of any use to him or to Shepard, Kaidan knew that it would be an invaluable resource in detecting other indoctrinated beings throughout the galaxy, and could perhaps be used to develop a way to counter the malicious domination; there was still a Reaper hiding out in the vastness of their galaxy and Kaidan had always prided himself on seeing both the big and little pictures.

Shepard, however, had other plans in mind.

"Uh, really, John," Kaidan huffed as Shepard ran a wet, hot tongue along the side of his neck, sending shivers throughout his frame, "I don't... um, now's probably... not the best... time..."

"Shh," Shepard admonished gently as the man pressed Kaidan back up the sides of the elevator, absently sending them up to their cabin, "Poor Kaidan, working too hard. Gotta find some rest when you can, Major. And you have worked hard, haven't you?"

Kaidan gasped softly as Shepard ran inquisitive fingers along his chest, brushing against the hard nipple that was standing out from Shepard's attention, the under suit in no way obstructing Shepard's fingers as he explored and stroked, pinched and swirled.

"We're... we're not going to get any rest at this rate, John. Not if you keep this-" Kaidan gasped another breath when Shepard nipped along the side of his neck, inhaling the musky man-scent that seemed to pour from that particular pulse point along his neck. Shepard took another deep, greedy breath.

The elevator pinged.

"Didn't say anything about resting _now_ , Kaidan," Shepard teased and the fiery, soft nubs in his head almost sent him over the edge, shooting heat straight to his groin and Kaidan couldn't help himself, couldn't stop himself, from grinding his hardness against Shepard's thigh. The arrogant, confident man gave him an appreciative laugh as heated thoughts of seduction continued to dance through their bond.

They stumbled into the cabin, all hands and tongues, moans and gasps, and it was a wonder that they didn't trip over the short steps and land themselves straight onto the deck of the cabin. The bond was otherworldly, he could feel Shepard in him, doing things to him. It was like his own hands were running along his body, touching him in that way, his own tongue, lapping along his jaw. He also felt a smaller, slighter echo of what Shepard was feeling, how he seemed to be doing the same things to Shepard as Shepard was doing to him and the sensation rippled across the link that they shared and multiplied, feeding off itself and sending them both hurtling through the thick halls of passion, lust and love.

"Stop, John, stop!" Kaidan all but whimpered. His cock was _throbbing_ , mere moments away from shooting his hot seed out to spray messily against his armour's undergarments, and he struggled briefly with the constricting material that was caging his constant hard on. He could feel the moisture in Shepard's mouth as the man bent down to lick along the trail of pre-cum that had been oozing out along the artificial fabric.

"So soon?" Shepard asked playfully and Kaidan groaned when Shepard tweaked him again along his sensitive nipple.

"Shut up," Kaidan said in response as he pounced on Shepard, dragging the man to the floor in a whirlwind of hot flesh and relieved laughter. They wrestled like that for a few more seconds, playfully trying to pin each other down while they fought to pull off their clothing without allowing the other the chance to recover. Kaidan had finally stripped himself of his tight over suit, exposing his flushed skin to the cool, dry air, though he was having trouble pulling off the lower suit on account of straddling Shepard, using his hands to pin the other man's hands behind his hands.

A surge of heat shot through the bond and Kaidan answered with his own lust, feeling Shepard's hard cock throb in response against the thin barrier of fabric that was all that stood between him and Shepard's manhood.

"Gotcha now," Kaidan said as he hooked his legs over Shepard's tight torso, keeping his hands up to pin the man back down.

"You've forgotten something, Major," Shepard replied as he mock-struggled against Kaidan's firm grip.

"Oh, Lieutenant?" Kaidan asked in a deep, gritty voice, their positing forcing him to lie almost-prone atop Shepard as the man continued to wriggle and squirm. "What's that?"

"The element of surprise." With their heads this close, it wasn't difficult for Shepard to arch his neck up and meet Kaidan in a tender, loving kiss, the soft, wet heat almost buckling the last of Kaidan's control. It was delicious and heady, like the very first time he had kissed Shepard and his amp sparked of its own accord, sending tremors of power and static through him as he sank into the glorious feeling. Shepard tasted sweet, oh so sweet, and their tongues fought and explored, twisted and tasted, and Kaidan could taste what Shepard was tasting, feeling his own tongue wrestling with himself as he ground into himself, their hardness now the same needy thing.

Kaidan blinked hazily when Shepard broke the kiss at last, looking up at the man's grinning, triumphant face as the ceiling came into view above him.

"I win," Shepard said, now with their positions reversed, and Kaidan knew that Shepard had taken advantage of his momentary weakness and had flipped them over."

"That's not playing fair, John," Kaidan grunted as he squirmed under Shepard's strength.

"No? Well, then, I guess neither is this," Shepard ducked down, still gripping onto Kaidan's arms with silken strength, and ran a longing tongue down across Kaidan's chest, searching and exploring. Kaidan gasped when the first hints of moisture stroked along his nipple. Shepard paused, adjusting to the sensations that he was interpreting from the bond, and used his teeth to gently nip along the edge of the sensitive skin, his tongue flicking and wetting as his teeth scraped and made an already sensitive spot even more so. Kaidan bucked, cursing softly under his breath as the sensations began to overwhelm him, as the restraining effects of Shepard's hands made him feel more turned-on then ever before.

"Never figured you to like it a little rough, Kaidan," Shepard said after a few moments, a lifetime, pulling up away from Kaidan's nipple and staring up in his lovers face.

"I guess you just bring that out in me, John," Kaidan shot back, mind too jumbled to come up with anything better. He was still drowning from the sensations that had been building up inside of him. If this was what it felt like with a little foreplay, Kaidan couldn't even imagine...

Shepard smiled a feral smile as he picked up the thought. "Let's find out, huh, Kaidan?"

Shepard pulled him up with surprising speed, well not too surprising considering how desperately they wanted each other, and in an eye blink, they were both on the bed, tangled among the crisp, clean sheets and relatively soft surface as they ground into each other, Shepard taking the time to pull off Kaidan's under suit and sending his hard cock bouncing along his taut stomach. Shepard's breathing hitched as he took in the sight, and he almost ripped off the last of his clothing before lying next to Kaidan, shifting slightly just to feel his hard cock pressed against his thigh as he folded his arms over Kaidan's chest, staring into his lover's eyes.

"Kaidan," Shepard said simply.

"John?"

"I love you, sweetheart. And thank you. For saving me." Shepard's face was sincere and open, vulnerable and deep and Kaidan longed for nothing more than to keep that expression in his memory for as long as he humanly could. The bond pulsed with similar sentiments, and Kaidan could feel his heart stammering with the strong emotions that were shooting back and forth between them.

"I love you too, John Shepard. Always have. And I always will." Kaidan smiled at his lover, his other, the person who would always be a part of him now, no matter what.

Shepard replied with a smile of his own and tapped along the side of his head as he cocked his head. "I know."

Kaidan nodded, heart too full for words, and he continued to stare at Shepard, memorizing the features and parts of the man that he'd already come to know so well, stroking the man's skin and feeling the small imperfections here and there that just made the man seem so real, so perfect.

Something flickered in Shepard's eyes, gone before Kaidan caught it, and a strange sense of nervousness was beginning to build up in the bond. Kaidan tried to pull the feeling towards him but it was gone as Shepard continued to stare at him in wondering scrutiny.

"John, what-"

"Shh," Shepard replied, putting his rough fingers over Kaidan's lips before moving down and tracing along the heated skin, "Nothing, Kaidan. When the time comes... For now though..."

Shepard moved faster than he realized, winking out of his sight as he felt something tight and hot wrap itself around his cock, still hard and desperately seeking attention. Kaidan grunted, as Shepard's mouth worked expertly, their link making the man an even more attentive lover as he relentless sought out Kaidan's deepest, most intimate pleasures and ran his tongue, sucked, and generally made Kaidan feel like he was floating in paradise. Kaidan's breath was starting to come out in short, deep gasps and his fingers clenched around the sheets as Shepard bobbed his head, taking in as much of his length as he could and Kaidan instinctively thrust his hips up, searching for more of that tightness, of Shepard's soft mouth. Kaidan moaned, a grainy rich sound that had Shepard moaning in return, mouth and throat vibrating around Kaidan's cock.

He was close, so very close, almost there, just about to...

Shepard pulled back with a small pop, running a tongue along his lips as he grinned up at Kaidan from between his legs and Kaidan whimpered, tried to grab his own cock in his hand so that he could finish off what Shepard had started but the man batted away his hands as he shot him another grin, tapping at his head again.

 _Not so soon, sweetheart,_ Shepard sent to him.

 _Screw you, John Shepard,_ Kaidan thought harshly and was answered with the rich resonance of humour.

 _Eventually, Kaidan. Eventually,_ Shepard sent back with eager anticipation

Kaidan bit back a groan at the thought and Shepard playfully swatted him along the side of his ass.

"Come on Kaidan," Shepard said with a wink, "Let's get cleaned up. I've got a long night planned for both of us."

*

It started in the shower.

There they both stood, under the refreshing spray as they wiped off the dust of Tuchanka and the grit from the Rachni lair. Shepard had gone in first and Kaidan followed soon after. While he was about to step in under the hot spray, he felt iron bands of heat wrap themselves around him from behind, a hard length pressed wondrously up against the cleft of his ass. The water ran as they kissed, cuddled, touched and moved, grinding and groaning as the bond sent more and more hot passion searing through them. With such intimate access to one another, they were each other's perfect lover, attentive and focused, fixed on knowing and feeling what the other wanted and needed to feel.

Shepard had bent Kaidan over the slick tiles in a lustful frenzy, already pulling apart Kaidan's ass so that he could slick Kaidan's entrance with his tongue. Hard, short thrusts, circling movements that had Kaidan groaning, pleading, calling out Shepard's name as he pushed back, wanting more, feeling more, but Shepard was patient, the only time he was so patient. He moved like he was savouring a feast, slow languid tongue that sped up into more brutal takings that left Kaidan wanting more, needing more. Shepard finally obliged, cock thick and ready.

Kaidan arched back as Shepard placed his cock head against his ready hole, the water from the shower already tapering off but neither of them cared, the cool air no contest against the raging heat that they shared with one another. Shepard pushed in, achingly slow, and Kaidan breathed quick, deep breaths as he willed himself to relax under the pressure, forced himself to open up as pain and pleasure surged through him, linking their way around the bond and Shepard growled with lusty approval when he picked up the sensations. Again, Kaidan had the strangest sensations. He was Shepard, moving further and further up his ass, and he was himself, feeling his ready hole being stretched so fully by the thick cock burying itself up into him. His own cock was rock hard and dribbling pre-cum and with each thrust from Shepard, he could feel his own cock throb in response.

Shepard adjusted, paused, slowed and raced, a whole riot of styles and motions as he pumped into him in short bursts and took his time, almost pulling out all the way and pushing back in with tender, long strokes. Kaidan bit his lip, moaned his approval and shifted himself, pushing himself back against Shepard as he sought for more, wanted to feel the man's short hairs along his smooth ass, wanted to feel Shepard's heavy balls slap into his own. He was so desperately close, but again, Shepard picked up on it in the bond and Kaidan railed when Shepard pulled out, trembling from the effort to keep his climax in and pulled Kaidan in for a deep, thorough kiss that silenced his protests.

"Bed," Shepard rasped and Kaidan tingled at the pure, raw need in the other man's voice. Bed was an absolutely fantastic idea.

They stumbled out, not parting in their tangled passion, pausing only barely to towel themselves dry as they flopped bonelessly onto the mattress, Shepard immediately picking up where he had left off.

Kaidan bucked and turned, twisting under Shepard's attentive longings and soon he was at his peak, the pressure building up and spilling out as Shepard pushed into his already loosened hole, warm and wet with Shepard's pre-come, taking away the edge and becoming a part of his own once more, always a part of him now. They were lost in each other, pumping and grinding, Kaidan buried under the mountain of emotional feedback that was ricocheting through the bond and Shepard moaned his name, professed his love and his need, as he pushed in, faster and slower, teasing Kaidan to the edge before gently lowering him back as he did it again and again. It was the sweetest torment that Kaidan had ever tasted and he wanted more, begged for more as he opened himself up to Shepard, feeling the man moving inside of him, as he moved inside himself.

"John," Kaidan ground out, his voice hoarse from all the sounds he had been making, and he pulled Shepard in for a deep kiss while Shepard was locked inside of him, revelling in the feeling of the movement as it thrust Shepard in, right to the base of his cock and hit Kaidan right in the prostrate. "More, John. Want more. Want you."

Shepard broke past the barrier, pushing himself in as far as he could go, and Kaidan felt his vision go hazy and white as the man's thick cock head pressed up unerringly into his prostrate.

Kaidan shouted, a sound of pure, unadulterated lust as Shepard echoed the sound, hips pistoning into him and hitting the spot again and again, drawing more out of Kaidan. His amp sparkled along the bond and biotic energy tingled through him, racing along his spine and down over his body that sent an overwhelming amount of sensation through the both of them. So close, almost at the edge, but Shepard was relentless in his pursuit of Kaidan's pleasure and he squeezed the muscles along his head, sending a dull throb up his thick cock that pulsed thickly into Kaidan's hotness. It was exquisite, beyond anything that words could describe.

A tearing sound ripped through the air and Kaidan pulled up the handful of shredded sheets, not caring in the least as he scrambled for another handful, the fluttering fabric already forgotten as Shepard thrust in again and again, tempo changing, rhythm altering, but always the same man, always Shepard giving his best, giving his all, for Kaidan.

The bond spiked, it swelled and swallowed him up as Shepard's own amp triggered, the energy sparkling wildly as it fired off around the both of them, and the clashing fields mirrored their clashing owners as Shepard and Kaidan pushed past the limits of their care and want, needing to feel each other more and more, already so deeply imbedded in one another. Shepard was close, Kaidan realized, and the small, glowing wisp in his mind was swelling, the energy pulsing and coiling back to spring, turning into a bright sun about to go nova.

"Kaidan," Shepard panted, sweat and biotic residue slicking his skin, "Close. So close. Wanna feel you, want you to feel me."

"I do John, I do," Kaidan replied in his delicious delirium.

Shepard suddenly surged forward, pushing in and pulling back with a brutal speed that sent Kaidan over the edge, and Shepard shouted, a pure, wordless howl of tender lust and violent love that spawned a shockwave through their combined biotics, swarming across the both of them as Shepard poured out his climax, shooting hot, moist seed deep into Kaidan. Kaidan closed his eyes at the sheer bliss of the moment, feeling the thick, long member within him pulse and throb with Shepard's release and the hot splatter of cum as it smear the inside of him with Shepard's come. Shepard shouted again as he rode out his climax, shoulders trembling and back arched as he endured the last of his orgasm before slumping on top of Kaidan, his weight no impediment to Kaidan's strength as he sobbed out the last of his climax.

Kaidan reached up an unsteady hand to stroke along Shepard's short hair, tenderly staring up at the distant stars that shot through the night. After a few moments to catch his breath, Shepard pulled himself up and gave Kaidan a weak kiss that Kaidan returned with passion, pulling out his softening cock as he tumbled to the side. The air was brittle with their harsh breaths.

"That was... That was..." Shepard shook his head wonderingly as he nestled himself up against Kaidan. "Have you ever..."

"No," Kaidan answered, at a loss for words himself. This was beyond anything that he had experienced before.

"Best sex in the galaxy?" Shepard asked playfully.

"Best sex," Kaidan agreed. "Full stop."

Shepard shared a small chuckle and Kaidan's cock throbbed. He was still rock solid, his pre-cum forming a pool of semi-clear, whitish fluid that had made it look like he had come as hard as Shepard had.

Shepard immediately surged up, eyes glittering playfully.

"Not yet," Shepard said, "Full stop hasn't come yet."

Shepard bent over to the beside platform and pulled out the bottle of lube that they had kept handy for situations such as this, though in this instance, it hadn't been needed after how they started in the shower, with Kaidan already open and willing for Shepard after all the teasing and tender play.

"Now comes the second part." Shepard placed some of the lube over his fingers and slicked them as he reach over behind himself, muscles arching and tensing beautifully in the dim light of the cabin and Kaidan couldn't help but drink in the sight as Shepard placed the lubricant along his opening and began to massage his entrance, getting it ready for his lover.

Kaidan bucked his hips up and Shepard's astonished expression was priceless as the man tumbled to the side, lube and fingers forgotten in the sudden movement. Kaidan spun gracefully and picked up the bottle before it could dribble out more than a few drops onto the sheets and got his own fingers moist and slippery as he raised Shepard's legs above his head and ran tender, inquisitive fingers along the cleft of Shepard's ass.

"I think," Kaidan began as he slipped his finger in, earning a tight groan from Shepard, "You've done more than enough John. Doctor Chang would kill me if she knew I'd pushed you too hard."

"I don't really think--" Shepard gasped, interrupted as Kaidan slipped in another knuckle, deeper than the first, "Don't think we should be thinking about Doctor Chang. Right now."

Kaidan grinned as he held Shepard up, using the fingers of his free hand to tap along the side of his head like Shepard had done earlier.

"You tell me John," Kaidan asked, turning his voice into deep velvet that had the other man moaning, "What am I thinking about now?"

"Evil," Shepard muttered as Kaidan use two fingers this time, burying them up in Shepard as the man twisted and turned. God but the man was tight, and Kaidan ached to bury himself in his lover's ass. It had always come naturally to him, bottoming for Shepard, but in his deepest, wildest moments with himself, he'd always knew that he'd eventually want to be with Shepard in this way, wanted to give to the man what he had given to Kaidan countless times before. They stayed like that for minutes, Kaidan methodically trying to get the man to relax as Shepard whimpered and groaned through his teeth at the sensations.

"I know," John ground out at last through gritted teeth as Kaidan's thoughts kept returning to their original point and his secret desire to have Shepard this way. He kept up his movements, feeling Shepard relax and twitch and loosen more and more, "Felt it. Inside. Knew you wanted it."

"Thanks, John," Kaidan said as his heart tugged in the direction of the man lying before him, "You know we don't have to... I mean, if you don't really-"

Heat blazed in Shepard's eyes. "Just shut up and get inside me or I'll do it myself."

Kaidan's cock throbbed at the authoritative voice, at the sheer need in Shepard's voice and without much thought, he slicked his hardness with more lube and lowered himself down to align himself with Shepard's hole. His cock pressed into the tight opening, still tight after all that he'd done to it and Kaidan slowly lowered himself further, pushing up against the restrictive band of muscle.

So tight. So wet. So hot.

There was a little pain, Shepard was trying to dull the sensation but Kaidan picked up on it through their shared link, and Kaidan stilled, letting Shepard adjust to his size as he pushed in incrementally, bit by bit, each time giving Shepard enough time to accommodate to his size, his want, and he let go a pent up breath as he was finally deep into Shepard, pausing to steady himself as Shepard wiggled around his cock, making him gasp.

"Don't..." Kaidan grunted, sandpaper and silk rubbing in his voice, "Don't do that. Not yet."

"Do what?" Shepard asked innocently as the man clenched his ass muscles in a rolling wave that squeezed Kaidan's cock and had him shaking in his skin. Shepard's face was open and pure, eyes wide in mock-innocence.

 _Two can play at that game, John,_ Kaidan thought to his lover as he clenched his legs and made his cock swell and throb while he pushed it in a little deeper.

Intense satisfaction coursed through him when Shepard's eye's widened then narrowed, a bare moan escaping from clenched lips.

Now Kaidan plastered a fake look of innocence on his face as he succumbed to the feeling of being in Shepard this way, feeling so complete and a part of the man that had come to mean everything to him, in every way.

"That wasn't..." Shepard began as Kaidan throbbed his cock again, earning another startled moan out of Shepard, "That was mean."

Another rolling of Shepard ass muscles squeezed around him and Kaidan fought back the cry building in his throat as he thrust, slow, short movements while he throbbed his cock, feeling it press against Shepard's moist walls and heat.

They fell into a rhythm, Shepard pushing back and squeezing, while he moaned and called out Kaidan's name and Kaidan felt his mind going pleasantly blank as he lost himself to the sensations, buried deep inside John Shepard. He timed his thrusts, adjusted his movements and angles, feeling through the bond and along their shared link the moments and times when Shepard would groan especially loudly, beg especially sultrily, and Kaidan strove for those points, wanting to give to Shepard everything that the man had given to him.

A hoarse shout penetrated the sex-laced air as Kaidan felt his cockhead press against the edge of... something. It was soft and luscious, and it cradled his stiffness with a tenderness that had him aching for more. Experimentally, he thrust in as far as he could and pulsed his cock once, feeling it push against the bulb of flesh and heard Shepard howl wordlessly, bucking his ass up and trying to push him deeper in. That was a revelation. The sensation shook him to his core, racing up along their bond.

Shepard had grasped himself in hand, already hard from all that they were doing and Kaidan moaned as Shepard stroked himself in time with Kaidan's thrusts, pushing up and pushing down, in and out, shifting when Kaidan did. Each pulse in Shepard's cock raced up the man's legs and into this muscles, twining their way around Kaidan's cock and making his pulse throb in the same way. Guttural growls and hoarse moans served to make the tension so much more sweeter, and Kaidan ached to feel Shepard, wanted to feel the man clench around him so tightly as he came while Kaidan was still thrusting into him.

His biotic field snapped back into place, almost at the same time that Shepard's did, and Kaidan had enough consciousness left to concentrate, sending the tingling sensation along his torso and over to his cock, making his swollen member vibrate with the sensation of his biotic field. Shepard yelled out as the vibrating, tingling feeling pushed up against the now familiar bulb of muscle that had to be Shepard's prostrate.

"Love you, John," Kaidan rasped out, startled at the raw need in his voice. His hips were rocking back and forth, moving faster and faster as the vibrations travelled up his cock, into his stomach and sent miniature explosions ripping through his mind, travelling along the link and sending Shepard over the edge.  "Love you so much, John. Come on, John. Come for me. Want to... want to feel you come. Wanna see you come with me inside you."

Shepard pumped his fist, his throbbing cock twitching with each word that left tumbling out of Kaidan's lips and soon they were lost again in the haze of their love-making, nothing else intruding except the presence of one another. The ball in his head was beginning to swell and spike and he knew what was coming, who was coming, before the word's left Shepard's mouth.

"Kaidan, I... Oh, god! Oh, GOD!" Shepard howled with raw emotion as his seed spilled out, white passion flowing out of his cock in smaller spurts that didn't detract away from the intensity of it and Kaidan thrust in faster and harder as he pushed back into Shepard, hitting the prostrate gland again and again, milking Shepard for all that he was worth as the tight passage of muscle filled him, took him over, made him see stars spin and hear planets crumble at the pure, guttural sounds of release.

Oh god, so good. So amazing. He was going to, he needed to find, searching, thrusting tender loving...

At last, when his release came, it shook him to his core. He roared, his usual whiskey voice totally eclipse by the pure animal sound that shot out of his mouth as his orgasm shot out of his cock and covered the inside of Shepard's wet hole with his come. He felt the silkiness, the sudden throb of heat, felt his head go blank as his body shook. His cock pulsed again and again, waves of himself pouring out and splattering against the lining of Shepard's walls, pouring out and draining him while it filled him up with Shepard's love and his own, the two indistinguishable as they mixed and churned, raged and loved and finally he felt himself come back, felt himself settling down as he collapsed against Shepard's warm body and stroking fingers.

His throat convulsed as he struggled to collect himself, to move away from the overwhelming sensations that still throbbed over his body and his mind.

"Best sex. Ever," Shepard whispered lovingly as he pressed a kiss into Kaidan's tousled hair, lingering to move the trail of kisses down over to his forehead. "Best lover. Ever."

"Flatterer," Kaidan at last managed to ground out. It was all that he could say and it drained him, while making him feel absolute contentment and peace.

They stayed like that for minutes, for hours, for a heart beat and forever. Kaidan couldn't be sure, and honestly he couldn't care, as the crusty whiteness dried and stuck to their bodies. The silence was a perfect counterpoint to their passionate rutting, so comfortable and familiar that Kaidan felt himself being soaked into the feeling, embracing it like an old friend as he just lay that way, wrapped around Shepard protectively and carefully. Shepard continued to place random kisses along his forehead, his hair, gentle hands that had forged armies and killed hundreds, caressing him and slowing down his beating heart and heated skin.

"Wanna shower?" Shepard asked after a long moment of being in each other's arms.

"Mmm. Shower," Kaidan mumbled, his previous exhaustion coming back with a vengeance and already conquering the parts of his mind in a brutal campaign.

"You gotta get up to shower, sweetheart," Shepard reiterated with a gentle shake as he continued to just lay there.

"Can't get up," Kaidan mumbled against Shepard's chest. "Too tired. Bring the shower here."

"That'll soak the bed," Shepard whispered into Kaidan's hair, the bond already growing heavy with sleep, "Where would we sleep then, Kaidan?"

"Sleep on you," Kaidan said drowsily as he pushed his head deeper into the pillows of Shepard's muscled chest. "Is warm. 's good."

"I'm dirty too, you know," Shepard said as he pulled Kaidan in to soak in more of the life-giving warmth.

"I know you were," Kaidan whispered dreamily, "Best sex. Ever..."

Shepard chuckled at that, still not moving as he let Kaidan lean into him, press into him. Shepard's fingers were beautiful, wonderful heralds of the coming sleep, and Kaidan sank into the sensation as Shepard's warm, full hands shifted along his back and stroked at the taut muscle there, already sticky from the drying sweat. Kaidan's mind was entering a different sort of blankness, calm and serene and he didn't care, gave up the last of his resistance as he drifted off into a quiet, deep slumber. Shepard continued to watch as Kaidan's breathing evened out, chest swelling slowly and methodically as Kaidan slipped into sleep and the dreams of their forever afters.

"I love you Kaidan," Shepard whispered, heartfelt and open as he placed another kiss on Kaidan's forehead. "I always will. And I hope that sometime soon, I can tell you. I can ask you." 

He breathed a quiet sigh of contentment before gently and quietly pulling out from under his sleeping lover, moving up the ruined covers to shield Kaidan from the cool air, before collecting his clothes and making his way down to the crew's communal showers. The bond pulsed with love and affection, contentment and understanding. And most of all, hope.

*

Shepard stood watching the twilight as he cradled a cup of coffee that was already beginning to grow cold in the still Tuchankan night. It was odd, the lack of natural sounds beyond what the wind and crumbling rocks provided and he had expected insect noises, small animal hoots and hunters hunting in their nocturnal playground. He guessed that the devastated ecology of the krogan homeworld would need at least another several years before it began to have more natural planet cycles like all the other orbs of life, spinning around the galaxy.

And speaking of orbs of life...

He wonderingly stroked the pulsing tangle of threads in his mind, rich and golden the only way that he could think to describe it. It was like a song, a song of a very special someone, nestled comfortably in the back of his mind and every so often, he would feel a pulse of something shoot through him and his body would respond. It took him a moment before finally picking up from said response what the bundle, what Kaidan, was thinking or feeling.

Love. Dedication. Stubbornness. Warm humour and cool control.

Such a marvel, such a gift, to know the mind of the person that he had spent years aching to love and understand. Beyond the surface, Kaidan was a rich treasure trove of character that Shepard ached to delve into. He thought that he'd known Kaidan well after the years spent chasing after him and serving beside him; the old saying about getting to know someone through the art of war was nothing compared to what they shared now and it truly was a unique and extraordinary gift that had been given them by a unique and extraordinary creature.

The edges of his memory twitched and flickered. He... couldn't really quite recall what had happened during the last few months. They were there, like blurry snapshots that someone had left overexposed. Feelings, thoughts and emotions could be discerned but if he focused to hard, instead of sharpening, the images of his memory blurred and hazed even further, retreating away from his desire to know and experience. From what he had gathered, he was picking up on Kaidan's version of the events placed into his mind, and he was grateful for the amount of time Kaidan had been with him; without so much shared memories he doubted whether the Rachni Queen would have been able to so fully transplant the notes of 'song' into him in this way.

Shepard sipped the now lukewarm coffee and he grimaced slightly at the lack of heat and the extra bitterness that it seemed to lend to its taste.

He ached for the dawn and the new day it would bring. He balanced the mug in one hand as his other stole into the pocket of his pants and fingered the band there. Cool metal gave him warm comfort as he ran a finger along its edge, circling and touching as his mind churned and formed thoughts. They were so close, the time almost right for what he wanted to do, what he wanted to say, to Kaidan. Just a little more, and it would be done. He hoped the man would say yes. He would have to get the invitations sent out, calling all of his friends from around the stars for a private and intimate gathering that would be a memory that he would treasure forever. He didn't begrudge that most of them had left to go their own way, in fact he understood more than anyone the necessities of responsibility and leadership, but he was glad in a way that he had had some part to play in the shaping of the galaxy's emerging and finest.

A clattering sound intruded in on him and he turned slowly to look along the stack of crates and materials that were piled along the entrance of the cargo bay's open doors, letting in fresh, if gritty air, through. EDI had been performing a hard reboot of her systems in preparation for integrating the final beacon, a task she had said would increase the efficiency of the procedure by at least twenty-seven percent, though she promised to keep the basic, necessary functions running, after he had remembered with dread about her comment about the ship's oxygen. Well, with the cargo bay open, that wasn't really an issue, but still...

The clatter sounded again and Shepard strode forward curiously. He hoped that he wasn't about to stumble on James and Steve having a late-night tryst in the confines of the cargo bay. That was something he'd rather not commit to memory, especially if Kaidan picked up on it when the man awoke.

His legs carried him forward as the sounds grew noisily and chaotic and as Shepard reached the edge of boxes, the sound stopped.

A lithe, tiny and furry creature leapt up from the shadows and landed on the closest surface, a metal tool in its hands as it stared at him inquisitively and Shepard grinned at the sight. Apparently the cargo bay's barriers didn't do enough to discourage curious creatures such as this from making their way into new territory.

"I wouldn't linger here too long if I were you," Shepard said to the diminutive pyjak, who was trying to bend the metal thing in its hand with curious abandon, "If Wrex finds you here, or EDI, you're going to be varren meat."

Shepard continued to watch as the pyjak studied him, studied the crates that it was on and looked around for something to do or something to eat, maybe collect and bring back to whatever nest it had come from. It stared at him again before leaping up, clawed feet landing deftly along his scalp as it sniffed the air, nose trained down on the mug in his hands.

Shepard laughed again as the pyjak moved down his shoulder, a warm, furry smell accompanying the creature as it made its careful way down and sniffed more openly around the coffee mug.

"Your funeral," Shepard muttered to the creature as it licked at the liquid and began to sputter, furiously cleaning out its mouth at the bitter taste. It turned and crawled along the back of his shoulder and Shepard twisted to get around to the nimble creature.

"Hey, didn't you hear what I said?" Shepard murmured as he struggled to get a grip on the slippery creature, "Look, Wrex is going to feed you to his varren if he finds you. I think even Eve won't mind, considering what you've been doing to their stores lately. At least I'm guessing you've had your paws in their stuff."

He was facing the cargo bay doors when the little imp crawled along his steely arms and perched there incongruously, gazing up at him in an open expression that strangely reminded him of Kaidan at one time. He grinned at the thought and hoped that he remembered to pass the image over to his lover, his other, when he finally woke up.

"Curious little thing, aren't you?" Shepard said as he reached a finger up to stroke its furred head. "Maybe just this once, I can let you off the hook. Not really the best place to die is it?"

A sharp something pricked his skin along the back of his neck and he jerked forward away from the sensation as it spread quickly along his spine, his back and over his head. His mug lay forgotten as it flew threw the air and the pyjak screeched as it jumped away from his stumbling form, running for the cargo bay doors.

"No," came a metallic, dissonant voice, "Not the best place to die. There are better, in my opinion."

Shepard fumbled drunkenly, whatever it was coursing through his body feeliling barbed and bitter, stealing momentum and thought in an all encompassing wave that moved quickly and relentlessly. His muscles refused to respond as he tried to move forward, tried to claw his way to the opening, to do anything. As the last of his form seized and refused to obey his mental struggle, his knees gave way and he stumbled to the cargo bay's doors.

The pinging of methodical steps broke through the cottony blanket that was shrouding his thoughts and the sound moved closer and closer, finally interrupting his view of the Tuchankan night with boots so black that they seemed to steal the very light from around them.

"Stupid," came the monotonous voice, neither male nor female, "Careless. I suppose that's to be expected."

A dark-armoured toe roughly shoved him in the chest and sent his numb, paralyzed form rolling over onto his back, and his arms tossed themselves to the side like the limbs of a stringless puppet. Electrical impulses tried to leave his brain, which was becoming foggier and foggier by the second, as he tried to open his mouth to speak, to do something, anything.

The black-armoured figure materialized in his view, leaning over him and removing his sight of the cargo bay's dark ceiling. In its gauntleted hands it twirled what looked to be a hypodermic dispenser of sorts and after a few more rotations, it casually tossed the now empty thing aside to clatter on the floor.

"Poor Shepard," the voice came again, razoring through his ears and his brain as the figured knelt down beside him and studied him. "I was wondering when you'd realized just how much you always relied on people. To fight for you. To die for you. Without them, you really aren't much are you?"

Shepard tried to respond, wanted nothing more to snap back a reply that would defend himself, but his still muscles continued to betray him.

"At least it shut you up," the figure said, "You've no idea how difficult it was to stay hidden on this small little ship of yours for as long as I did. Then again, my masters have been kind to me." It ran a hand over its bulky, jet suit as it indicated its substantial enhancements provided to it by the Reapers, for this was obviously a creature of theirs. His hazy memories drew a blank though, unable to recall what exactly it was.

Something must have passed over his face, must have shone through his eyes and the figured crouched lower as his vision began to waver. Dark humour tinged its words.

"Look at you," the figure mused as its hands rose to pass over its face and Shepard barely heard the hiss of the helmet's hydraulics being engaged. "Nothing. Why my masters seek you out is beyond me. If I had my way, I would kill you now, painfully, for all that you've done."

Shepard tried to say something, anything, but words failed him. His vision was narrowing, becoming only the tight tunnel that led up to his attacker's helmet as it shifted.

"What you've done..." the figure repeated as it gloated, easily pulling the masked helmet off, "What _have_ you done, Shepard? Saved the galaxy? Ended the Reapers? Did you honestly think that you could even make a difference? Did you think that you saved all those lives?"

Dark raven hair spilled out in gleaming waves, straight and smooth, finally free of the confining cage of metal, though it obscured the figure's face for a moment as it swayed with the movement.

"Did you honestly think you could save anyone?" the creature asked with pure hatred that burned the air, "I _know_ you Shepard. You couldn't save anyone."

Lush lips and porcelain skin, high cheek bones that seemed both severe and regal while lending an air of beauty and grace. Cold, dark eyes, totally void of emotion and feeling, as the trio of pupils whirled around menacingly, at the edges of the larger, main pupil that shone thick with hate. Dark brows, angled down as pursed skin conveyed displeasure. And the hatred, it poured off in _waves_.

The figure shook its hair loose once more, turning a monstrous grin on him as its eyes shifted and turned.

"You couldn't save anyone," the figure said again, "Least of all me, Skipper."

Shepard lay stunned, more from the realization now than the drugs that stole through his body and left him numb. That face, different and changed, but still the same face that he remembered from all those years ago. A face that he had saved once, and come to know, after everything had begun to fall to pieces around them. A face that had given him advice and a shoulder, who had scolded him and egged him in equal measure. A face that he remembered, etched into his mind when he had had to make a choice, to save a life over another. The face that had followed him since he'd left her to die on Virmire.

The face of Ashley Williams.

Darkness eclipsed his world as her malicious, sickening laugh drowned out all other sounds and the world around him.


	24. The Crushing Weight Of Ideals

It was warm.

Warmer than he anticipated, but anticipation had no meaning here. Wrapped in the soft embrace of dreams, Kaidan flipped lazily over to wrap himself around Shepard's strength and warmth and with aching anticipation, he surged forward to move up to the glowing, brilliant ball that hovered at the edge of his mind. So warm, so safe, it was such a strange experience.

Shock.

It jolted through the sphere, just barely at the edge of his outstretched fingers and he brushed a tip along the point of one of the spikes that were soft and calm. Shock. Quiet. A noise. Someone was calling out to him, he could almost hear the--

"Major Alenko," EDI's quiet, placid voice broke through his sleep, jerking him awake. "Wrex would like to speak to you. I believe that he has retrieved the last beacon."

"Wha-" Kaidan mumbled, the AI's words not registering as he pulled against the rumpled and torn sheets that were wrapped around his naked form. He was feeling disorientated, shouldn't there have been a--

"Wrex would like to speak to you," EDI repeated calmly, "He has the last beacon, ready for integration."

The beacon... The Rachni...

With a suddenness that made light seem sluggish, memories and thoughts came crashing and churning through his still sleep-addled mind.

Shepard.

His hands instinctively flew across the wide expanse of empty bed and gripped the bare air as he twisted, looking for the man. His arms were still empty, as was the rest of the cabin. Slowly, his instincts heeled away from the grasping, blind-lashing that his mind was doing and he brought himself back firmly under control. Deep steady breaths. Shepard was safe, he had been cured. The list of things he still had to do were beginning to tumble out of his jumbled thoughts, and he pulled stubbornly along them as he tamed and straightened them out.

"Thank you EDI," Kaidan croaked through a dry throat, "Tell him I'll... I'll be down soon. I'll meet him at the Cargo Bay."

"Understood, Major Alenko. I have also taken the liberty to inform Admiral Hackett of our progress. He would like to speak to you in the QEC when you are able to." EDI's voice whispered back through the communication channels and Kaidan was once again alone as the events of the previous day, and night, caught up to him and he couldn't help but grin deeply to himself.

Best sex. Ever. But where had Shepard gone to? It was an annoying habit of his, waking up and leaving Kaidan grasping for his presence, but Kaidan looked forward to breaking the man of that particular habit. They had, after all, all the time that they could ask for.

Running a hand through his tousled hair, Kaidan couldn't stop grinning to himself.

*

"Here you go, Kaidan!" Wrex boomed as he shifted the pallet with his toe.

Kaidan's euphoria had burned to a low simmer since he had awoken, and as he conferred with EDI about how they were going to integrate the last beacon, it shone gently in the depths of his chest. He had been a little miffed that he still couldn't find Shepard in any part of the ship and every person that he'd had to speak to had indicated to him that they hadn't seen Shepard since the day before. So Kaidan had naturally assumed that Shepard had left the Normandy and had probably wanted to catch up with Miranda and Wrex, outside.

"Thanks, Wrex," Kaidan said in an off-handed manner as he went through the details that EDI was shipping over to the data-pad in his hand. "We can finally get this done and move the beacon and its information over to the Alliance."

"Yeah," Wrex agreed, "Make sure they know who got all this crap for you guys. Maybe once the Citadel has been repaired, they might put in a good word for us. You know," Wrex waggled his head plates suggestively, "Another planet?"

Kaidan shook his head in mild appreciation at the krogan's tenacity and single-mindedness. "Of course Wrex, I'm sure that'll be the most obvious things on their minds."

"Well, it better," Wrex muttered as his small team moved the beacon closer to the original that they had acquired on Thessia.

"Uh, actually, everything's going alright over here Wrex," Kaidan said looking up, "We're going to need Shepard present if we're to um, if we're going to see if this actually works. Hope you didn't drink him under the table or anything."

Wrex turned a beady eye onto him and considered as his gaze narrowed. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Kaidan huffed a soft laugh, "Come on Wrex. You don't think keeping Shepard here will make the Alliance more... amenable to your suggestions do you? Holding the galaxy's saviour hostage? Not gonna look good."

Wrex narrowed his eyes even further as he stomped up to Kaidan, all banter forgotten. "I don't know what you think, Alenko, but I haven't seen Shepard since you landed on my planet. I was _hoping_ that I'd get to speak with him today."

Kaidan waved the idea aside. "Alright then, so he's with Miranda. We'll still need him here for the-"

"Who exactly is with me?" Miranda replied as she crested the Normandy's ramp. Kaidan suppressed a jolt at having her suddenly appear like that.

"Shepard," Kaidan began casually, "We need him if we're going to see if the beacon will do what we actually think it will."

"Well then," Miranda said as she crossed her arms across her chest, "Then maybe you should get him. I'd like to speak to him, if he's able."

Icy fingers struck soft chords along the edges of his spine as he turned slowly, the data-pad dropping to his side.

"Wait. Just... wait." Kaidan took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, trying to shove the numbers and data out of his mind, "So... Shepard isn't with you?"

"I'm not sure I can make this any clearer," Miranda replied drily, "But no. I haven't seen him since you landed."

"That's what I said," Wrex replied gruffly.

Kaidan looked like he'd been struck in the head as the chords turned into hammering majors.

"You lost him?" Wrex said slowly, tone rising slightly, "What the hell happened?"

Kaidan stuttered a moment as he tried to organize his thoughts and words. "I didn't lose him," he began slowly, "I'm just not sure where he's, um, gone to. I checked with almost everyone I could find on the Normandy. They haven't seen him. I thought that maybe he was with you two."

Miranda and Wrex exchanged a quick look before turning back to him.

"Nope," Wrex replied at the same time Miranda said, "No."

What the hell, Kaidan thought to himself. Alright, Alenko, no need to panic here. Let's just analyse this properly and think of where he might have gotten to or ways that he could...

A miniature firework shot off in his head.

Of course. The bond. It was still new, still fresh, and he hadn't yet adjusted to its presence within his head, but now that he thought about it, it seemed like the best way. If Shepard was within the vicinity then maybe...

Before he could try to see if he could tap into the still-unknown qualities of the link between himself and Shepard, Steve tromped up and placed himself squarely before him.

"Major," Steve opened, coldly, and Kaidan puzzled at the pilot's neutral tone, "I didn't want to intrude but as I'm sure you're aware, I need to take a look at my baby if we're going to be leaving Tuchanka any time soon. Could you, maybe, get her away from whatever ground team you have looking over her so that _I_ can have a go. On my own shuttle?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Steve?" Kaidan snapped a little abruptly, no longer having the patience to deal with the attitudes being flung on him when his mind was already trying to do so many other things.

"The Kodiak," Steve said like he was speaking to a child. The man waved an elegant hand at the empty space along the side of the cargo bay. "EDI told me that you... borrowed it. I assumed that you nicked it somewhat and were trying to get it back in pristine condition before you returned it."

"What?" Kaidan shifted his gaze toward the empty shuttle cradle, "I thought _you_ were the one who removed it and brought it down for maintenance." At least, that was what he assumed had happened when he had come into the cargo bay and had seen the last place he had docked the Kodiak.

"I don't know how to tell you this," Steve said patiently as his eyes crinkled with frustration, "But I've got everything I need right here to deal with... anything that happens to her. Why should I need to remove her from the Normandy?"

Now _that_ , was a really good point, Kaidan thought to himself. He hadn't really paid much attention to the absence since he didn't quite know how badly damaged it was when he'd gone through the dust storm and what were the requirements to fix the shuttle anyway.

"I didn't move it," Kaidan said slowly, trying to plug everything together, "And neither did you..."

"So who took it?" Steve finished quietly as Miranda and Wrex looked on, puzzlement etched across their features.

Shepard? Had he taken the shuttle out?

They mulled over their own thoughts quietly for a few seconds and Kaidan was about to reach deep within him for the little bundle of emotions that was Shepard, when EDI's voice broke through, disrupting his concentration yet again.

"Major Alenko?" EDI enquired, her voice coming from everywhere within the bay.

"Yes, EDI?" Kaidan said quickly, perhaps a little frustrated that his efforts were constantly being thwarted.

"I am sending Ensign Treva down to see you. I believe that there is something important that she has discovered. From the information I gathered from your conversations, I have managed to extrapolate and consider an outcome that might be linked to the Ensign's... discovery."

"Alright EDI," Kaidan replied as he turned toward the sound of the elevator doors sliding open, "She's here. And, um, you were listening in on what we were saying?"

"Of course," EDI confirmed proudly, "You are all standing within what amounts to my body after all. If you want to keep your conversation private, then perhaps you should do so more quietly." The comm went dead after that and Kaidan couldn't help gaping at the slightly sarcastic tone that had filtered through. Was EDI starting to examine sarcasm? That was a frightening thought.

"Commander Alenko, sir!" Ensign Treva snapped out as she halted before him, trailing off a crisp salute.

"Ensign," Kaidan replied as he returned her gesture. "EDI said you have something to show me?"

"Sir," she replied slowly now, all her pomp and military bearing crumbling away in the presence of some of the biggest legends in the galaxy, all of whom were now focused solely on her and were watching her with predatory interest. "I... um, well, sir, I'm not if it means anything, but I was on first shift today..."

"Alright, Ensign," Kaidan soothed,  "It's alright. What is it?"

"I was making my rounds around the ship, sir," Treva replied, only a slight waver in her voice now as she started to get comfortable around them, "I found some litter in the cargo bay. I thought it was a little suspicious."

"Litter?" Miranda shot out, "You found _litter_ on a ship this size and you thought you needed to take it to your commanding officer? Are all Alliance soldiers really so uptight?"

"Wait," Kaidan said, forestalling any further comment from Miranda. If there was one thing that he was starting to appreciate greatly, it was that coincidence was a fallacy that only fools and lovers ignored. "What did you find?"

The Ensign shifted her feet, clearly thrown off balance from Miranda's interruption and she seemed hesitant to continue.

"Ensign," Kaidan added more firmly this time, "What did you find on your rounds?"

"I... I didn't really think it was anything, Commander," Treva stuttered as her pitch rose due to her nervousness, "I showed it to EDI, 'cause, why would it even be there? Medical's always had some tight lockdown and I didn't think it was important enough to report to any-"

"Are you humans always this nervous and flighty?" Wrex suddenly broke in, impatient with the long-winded reply, "I'm surprised you manage to survive any FTL jumps. Would've thought you'd all die from the shock alone."

Steve rose a placating hand up and Wrex was silenced, grumbling his displeasure. Steve strode forward and a warm, benign smile spread itself over his stubbled lips.

"Ensign Treva," Steve began smoothly, "I'm sure you were afraid to report something so minor, but even the smallest crack can bring down the hardiest shuttle. It's alright. Why don't you tell us what you've found?"

Treva seemed comforted by the quick words and easy banter, but she still cast her gaze nervously about the floor as it skittered away from their scrutiny. Instead of answering, she lifted up what appeared to be a medi-gel hypodermic dispenser of sorts. Kaidan mulled over the empty syringe in the young woman's hands as the rest of them watched Steve pluck the item from trembling fingers.

"A medi-gel dispenser?" Steve asked quietly, "How did that manage to leave the Medical Bay?"

Miranda unfurled a graceful hand as she silently demanded the item be given over to her scrutiny. She studied it and weighed it for a few seconds before passing it back over to Steve. "Perhaps one of the younger... marines managed to hack into the area? Needed a quick little... fix... before the rest of the crew were up and about?"

Doping, Kaidan wondered to himself. Was one of the soldiers addicted to medi-gel like Miranda was suggesting.

"EDI," Steve said, turning his voice into the empty air above them while he handed the tube over to Wrex, "Did you capture any information on unrestricted access to the Medical rooms last night?"

"Back up systems do not indicate a breach in the lab's security, Steve," EDI replied immediately, "All information I have on the ship's condition are from secondary failsafes. I was attempting to back up some crucial information and data in preparation for the beacon's integration, and thus, I was otherwise disconnected from all other tactile systems throughout the Normandy."

"But there's no indication of a hack is there?" Kaidan insisted.

"No, Major, there is not." They were silent a moment as they mulled over the new information, Ensign Treva staring wide-eyed at them as she shifted and turned her feet. Kaidan was ignoring the rest of them as he considered. Was it Shepard? Had the man managed to gain entry to the labs somehow and injected himself with medi-gel? If so, then what was the purpose and why was EDI covering it up if that was the case? So many unanswered questions, and no way of knowing for sure if any answer would be absolutely true. A snorted cough startled him as Wrex sputtered and hacked.

"Phaugh!" the Krogan said, rubbing at the tiny nostrils along the top of his lip, "Whatever that stuff is, it sure as hell ain't medi-gel!"

"Not medi-gel?" Miranda asked quizzically. She pinched the tube away from Wrex's large hands and brought it to her own nose as Wrex had probably done and took a gentle sniff. She immediately drew back and waved the air away from herself trying to get some fresh oxygen. Her eyes were watering. "No. Medi-gel doesn't smell like acid mixed in with eezo-fuel. Whatever it is, that isn't anything I'd like stuffed into me when I'm down in a fight."

"EDI?" Kaidan asked, picking up the tube, "Can we get Doctor Chang to run some tests on the... on whatever is inside?"

"I have already notified her of the situation," EDI replied almost immediately, "She is already preparing the chemical spectrometer."

"Good," Kaidan said as he passed the empty tube over to the Ensign, "Treva, I need you to give that to Doctor Chang up over at medical. If she gets anything, let me-"

"Wait Kaidan," Steve butted in, "What about my Kodiak? This can't be a coincidence. I think someone must have--"

"We need to get the beacon up," Miranda cut in with a steely glare, "I'm sure someone's just taken the shuttle out for a little... 'sightseeing' and it'll be back in no time. We, on the other hand, have an important job that needs--"

"Major Alenko," Traynor's voice suddenly chirped in his ear, "Admiral Hackett is connected in the QEC. He wants a progress update on the beacon and---"

"Alright!" Kaidan yelled harshly, stilling all the noise and earning him harsh stares, "Sorry. I... Look, Miranda, can you sort out the beacon with EDI? Steve, maybe you and Wrex can go and see if anyone's seen the shuttle outside of the Normandy. Even if someone didn't see it leave from inside the ship, maybe someone outside might have noticed?"

Careful nods followed his questions as he strapped some command into his tone.

"I'll go and report to Hackett," Kaidan concluded, "Keep me notified if... if you learn anything, or make any progress. If someone sees Shepard, comm me immediately. Something's not right here."

"EDI," Kaidan added, "Can you reach Shepard?"

A brief pause. "Attempting connection," EDI stated and Kaidan held his breath as the seconds crawled slowly by. "I'm sorry Major Alenko. It appears that I am unable to establish a connection via general means. I am not linked to his omni-tool, therefore I am unable to establish a communicative path in that sense."

"It's alright," Kaidan said heavily as the AI cut the line.

Kaidan watched as the small group dispersed, heading about with their new tasks. Kaidan swallowed a deep breath and trudged his way toward the elevators with Ensign Treva, mind too full to wonder why the little tangle in his head was as quiet as it had ever been since he went to see the Rachni.

*

Kaidan flicked an impatient finger against the material that bunched up along the side of his bicep as he waited for the holo of Admiral Hackett to whirl into that familiar stance and grim countenance. He had tried to reach out to Shepard during the short trip up towards the QEC at the back of the Normandy, but his mind was still too full, too chaotic for him to grasp any possible way for that to happen. Coupled with his apparent newness with the situation, he hadn't yet been able to dip his feet into those waters, though he could feel, deep down, that he was just almost there, like a finger brushing the very edge of a dancing flame.

Then, he was there, the elegant electronics of the QEC looming up all around him and startling him from any further investigations, the console already blinking up at him to indicate that Hackett was already connected and waiting for him to initiate the briefing. So he shelved his curiosity and connected to the Admiral and spent a small portion of his conscious thoughts re-organizing what he was going to tell Hackett about the last day or so on Tuchanka.

"Commander Alenko," Hackett opened with unusual energy, "I trust that you have good news?"

Kaidan bit back his immediate reply about wanting to ask his superior officer what exactly constituted as good news to the man, but instead, he placed a careful, stoic mask over his face and stood at attention, shoulders back and arms relaxed at the small of his spine.

"Sir," Kaidan replied, "We've gotten the beacon. We'll be integrating it with the rest of the Prothean data once we've connect them up."

"That _is_ good news, Commander," Hackett replied as his hologram paced the empty air, "And what's Shepard's condition? Will we be able to establish a positive identification when the data is shored up?"

Kaidan swallowed nervously. This was going to be a hell of a risk but...

"Sir," Kaidan said slowly, "Shepard, um, he's... well. He's cured. He's stable."

" _What?_ " And the weight of Hackett's authority and presence carried that single word down like an avalanche.

"We've... We've removed the taint of indoctrination from Shepard's mind, sir," Kaidan elaborated, steeling himself.

"And how did you manage that, Commander?" Hackett asked thoughtfully as he rubbed his grey moustache, eyeing him sceptically.

"I..." Kaidan faltered. "I brought in the Rachni's assistance, sir," Kaidan finished in a dry whisper.

Hackett's face looked like it could crush a Reaper just by being smacked into one. Kaidan tried to swallow the lump in his throat as Hackett stared at him relentlessly with _those_ eyes.

"You sought out the Rachni after I specifically repeated for you _not_ to do?" Hackett spoke the words like they left a bad taste in his mouth and he bit each word harshly as the emerged. "What ever possessed you to do something so drastic? I expected better than this insubordination, Commander."

The words tore against him like hail and he stumbled within his mind. He was always a good soldier, keeping his head down and making sure to follow the rules that his superiors had set out for them. It was an intrinsic instinct that Alliance marines had bred into them during their first few months, the ability to act without questions, to serve without doubt. Kaidan had always prided himself on his control, on his ability to trust that the higher-ups knew what they were doing with the lives in their hands. And he was becoming increasingly sick of it.

When had he gone against everything that he had strove to build in his career? When he'd met a brash, brilliant and bright young man who recklessly fought against everything for the greater good, that's when.

"Sir," Kaidan grated out, control shaking his voice, "Permission to speak freely?"

"Granted," Hackett said dismissively as he continued to pace.

"Sir," Kaidan began his explanations, hoping he could sway the Admiral with enough conviction, "Shepard's condition had deteriorated drastically since Rannoch. He was unconscious and unresponsive during our journey to Tuchanka and there wasn't much hope of recovery."

"And what proof did you have that the Rachni were on Tuchanka at all? That their influence could help with Shepard's... recovery?" Hackett asked tightly, striving for the same control in his voice that Kaidan was.

"I didn't sir," Kaidan answered truthfully. "We managed to track the Rachni signal to Tuchanka, previously," Kaidan quickly added, forestalling another outburst, and he made sure to keep Specialist Traynor out of the subject, "So I was aware of their presence. It motivated my decision to head for Tuchanka so that we could search for the Rachni, cure Shepard and use the beacon to determine if all traces of Shepard's unique form of indoctrination were dissolved."

"That's a hell of gamble," Hackett added, looking more and more unsure about the whole thing, "Did it ever occur to you the price of Rachni assistance? They were a race that almost pushed back the combined might of the galactic races. Who knows what they would have asked for in return for this kind of aid."

Anger welled within him, but he clamped down hard on the emotion; it wasn't Hackett's fault that all he was spouting about the Rachni stemmed from biased histories and clouded truth. "Their price has been paid, sir," Kaidan matched, "The Rachni Queen gave her life to save Shepard's. There was nothing else that she asked for in return."

"That you know of, Commander," Hackett shot back, "It could be months, years, maybe even decades. What if the Rachni sought us out, using this as leverage to get us to side in some conflict of theirs? What do we know about their motivations and intentions? The answer is, we don't, and with that in mind, you've just placed what amounts to humanity's debt within their reach."

Kaidan was stunned. He hadn't thought about that at all, had naturally assumed that Shepard's saving the Rachni's life would have allowed for a fair exchange in some way for old debts to be repaid. A small voice at the back of his mind scolded him, reminding him that fairness was an arbitrary concept that didn't always apply when it was most convenient.

"From your silence," Hackett added, "I take it you didn't consider that avenue, did you, Commander?"

"No sir," Kaidan said quietly. "Sir, with all due respect, the Rachni aren't the monsters that we make them out to be. I've, um, well sir, I've shared the Queen's collective memories and she's shown me that they-"

"You shared your mind with the Rachni's collective memory?" Hackett said loudly, disbelief and anger warring in his voice. "You are a highly placed officer within the Alliance Military and you have classified information about our galactic progress and missions and you merged with the Rachni mind? Did they have access to the information within you, Commander?"

Kaidan gaped stupidly. He'd been so desperate, so blinded by his concern for Shepard that he hadn't even considered the fact. A small voice in the back of his mind argued for truth, so he swallowed his pride and with an ashen, downcast face, nodded his assent.

"Yes, sir," Kaidan whispered bitterly. What had he been thinking? He had been thinking about Shepard, but now that he looked back, his hindsight clearer than his foresight, he was beginning to wonder whether it was going to be worth it.

Hackett sighed as a look of disappointment crossed his features. "I'm sorry, Commander, but I believe that you have been compromised. Your emotional attachments have led you to make some unacceptable calls concerning the mission, and I believe that you might not be fit to--"

The QEC flickered and shifted, lights playing riotously over the consoles and displays as electrical surges dimmed the image of Hackett and had his voice coming in intermittently. Like a winking soap bubble, the display vanished, taking Hackett's startled face away in a flurry of holographic pixels.

"Sir?" Kaidan called out tentatively. After a few moments, a sudden surge of power brought lights and the constant hum of the machinery back to their usual brightness.

"My apologies, Major Alenko," EDI broke in, "We have successfully integrated the last beacon. There was a... surge as the beacon drew more power than we had anticipated. Thankfully, I have re-calibrated the drive core and optimized output flows."

Kaidan groaned quietly to himself. With his luck, Hackett would think that he was afraid for his title and had shut down the connection to spare himself from the demotion and public dressing down.

"Thanks EDI," Kaidan replied wryly as he punched the QEC connection back up, keeping his fingers crossed as the connection re-established itself and Hackett's apoplectic face shone through.

"I apologise, sir," Kaidan intruded hastily as Hackett opened his mouth to speak, "We've just completed the beacon's integration. It's complete, as far as we can tell sir."

Hackett eyed him menacingly as he digested the information quietly. Kaidan felt heat crawl across his stoic face as Hackett continued to remain silent.

"Alright, _Major_ Alenko," Hackett cut in at last, "I suppose what's done is done. Hopefully we can clean up this mess once we can get a better position on where we stand with everything. Despite it all, that beacon will be an invaluable asset to us, and we'll need it brought back ASAP, along with Shepard for a de-briefing on the situation post-war. Since you've told me that Shepard has been returned back to his previous state, I'll be putting him in charge of the Normandy as her Commanding Officer, once I've received the full spectrum of tests from Doctor Chang, not to mention her personal filing of the beacon's response to Shepard's presence. In fact, I'd like to speak to him now."

Nervousness shivered across his back and a drop of sweat swelled along his skin and began to roll down the side of his face. He hoped that the QEC wasn't rendering him in too great a detail at the moment.

"Um, sir... Well, you see... Shepard is, um," Kaidan took a deep breath and spoke in soft tones, "Shepard's not on the Normandy at this time."

A bushy eyebrow raised itself at the statement and Hackett ran a considering hand across his lips. "Is he facilitating something on the ground, Major? I don't have much time, and I've got a meeting with what's left of the Citadel Council in half an hour. Get his omni-tool and patch him through to the QEC. I'll be brief and it would be good for me to gauge whether or not--"

"Um, no sir," Kaidan replied with the barest shake of his head, "Shepard isn't... we can't find him." Despite his relaxed posture, he could feel his shoulders hunch slightly as if he was expecting to get a beating. Physical abuse would have been preferable, he thought, as Hackett's eyes burned with fire.

"You've _lost_ Shepard?" Hackett raged, the control on the other man a bare illusion.

"Yes sir," Kaidan finally muttered after he wrestled with other more diplomatic answers, "Well, in a sense. Sir. We haven't found any trace of him so far. No one seems to have recalled seeing him since... since we returned from the Rachni hive."

"That is very discomforting news, Major," Hackett said grimly and Kaidan wisely chose to remain silent this time; he didn't really need Hackett undermining his confidence by stating facts that he should have considered almost automatically, but his mind was too worn and too weary for him to even consider the possible outcomes. He just had to focus himself on finding Shepard.

His ear communicator chirped and Kaidan automatically raised his fingers up to accept the call, praying that it was Shepard or at least someone with information about Shepard's where abouts. He cast an apologetic look at Hackett's stony visage as the connection surged through.

"John?" Kaidan whispered.

"Um, no, Major. It's um.... Well, it's Doctor Chang," the bubbly voice broke through nervously and Kaidan felt disappointment weigh him down. "It's about the substance that you sent to me."

"Alright, doctor," Kaidan said carefully, "Now's not really a good time. I can speak to you later once I, um, once I'm done here in the QEC and--"

"Ah, actually Major," Doctor Chang replied a little more urgently, "I believe you may want to hear about this now. Sir."

Kaidan's fingers shook slightly against the side of his communicator. "What is it?" he asked quickly shooting another look at Hackett who seemed lost in his own thoughts.

"The, um, the substance?" Doctor Chang began, becoming smoother as she began to recite the facts, "While it was found in what... what amounts to a medi-gel dispenser, it is in fact not. A medi-gel dispenser. We only assume so because of the hypodermic nature, which is most commonly used in conjunction with medi-gel."

"What's the substance?" Kaidan asked impatiently and he could also see Doctor Chang flinching at his tone.

"The, ah, the substance. Yes." The sound of a data-pad being picked up rang through the communicator. "The substance contains traces of tranquilizing agents that I've seen on Earth before, a very powerful substance. There are others, some that the spectrometer cannot properly identify. There's also one other substance to note. It's turian and I only know about it because Doctor Solus jabbed me with it once when I was on Palaven. Its a very powerful paralytic, derived from one of the more toxic plants found on the turian metal-encrusted homeworld. From what I can tell, this is a powerful drug of some kind that could put you out in under a second. And keep you that way for a long time."

"Thank you, doctor," Kaidan said quickly as the anxiety and dread began to build up stronger within him. "Send the data to my omni-tool, please." Without waiting for a reply, he broke the communication line and turned to address Hackett.

"What is it, Major?" Hackett asked in professional tones.

"Sir," Kaidan began, regaining some of his stride now that he had some information to provide to the Admiral, "We, um, Ensign Treva discovered an unknown substance during her rounds earlier this morning. We sent it to the lab for an analysis and we've just gotten the results." Kaidan's omni-tool pinged and with practised motions, he uploaded the file to the QEC and sent a copy over to Hackett, watching as the older man turned to look at his own omni-tool and scanned through the information.

"Doctor Chang seems to think that the substance is a powerful paralytic cocktail, designed to knock out... something," Hackett raised a questioning brow but continued to flip through the information. "She says that some of the compounds aren't registered in the system," Kaidan concluded and Hackett at last brought his omni-tool down and away as he turned once more to Kaidan.

"You expect foul play, Major?" Hackett asked softly.

Kaidan nodded briefly. "Suspect sir. I've, um, I've asked Wrex and Cortez to check around and see if anyone's seen anything in the earlier hours sir. The Kodiak was discovered to be missing as well."

"An abduction?" Hackett muttered to himself and then addressed Kaidan in a louder voice. "The Reapers? Are they on Tuchanka?"

"Not that we're aware of, sir," Kaidan answered truthfully, though now that the thought had taken root, it was beginning to spread rampant vines throughout his brain.

"This is getting messier and messier, Major," Hackett replied tiredly, "I need you to investigate the situation. If Shepard's been taken, we need to know by who and for what reason. If the Reapers have somehow managed to steal him from under your watch, we need to find some way of tracking him down. They've been going through and expending too much resources for me to think that this is for pure spite or vengeance. They're up to something, and we need to find out what it is before they can complete it."

"I agree, sir," Kaidan said, bare relief making him sound more attentive as the whooshing sound of the proverbial bullet missed him by millimetres.

"In the mean time, we need to see what that beacon is capable of," Hackett continued, stopping his pacing to stand firmly before Kaidan. "I need you to go through whatever it is that the beacon has been keeping for us and to keep on searching for Shepard. He's the lynch pin in all of this, and we'll need to find him as soon as possible. Until that happens, and the conditions that I stated previously, you have command returned to you. I want regular updates on your progress Major. We have to stop the Reapers from whatever it is they're planning. Hackett out."

And with that, the connection went dead, the display flickering fitfully once more before it shut itself down and the quantum connection dissolved into nothing once again. Kaidan released his clenched muscles and heaved a breath now that he was alone in the small, enclosed space.

"Major Alenko," EDI's voice chimed in, "The energy output from the QEC has shut down and the flow between the Normandy and the beacons have stabilized. I assume that your briefing with Admiral Hackett has been concluded. The beacon is ready to be activated."

"I'll be right down, EDI," Kaidan said as he turned on his heel. "Any word from Wrex or Steve?"

"There has been no contact since they left the Normandy, Major," EDI replied in dulcet tones.

Kaidan nodded to himself and sighed as he stepped out of the QEC. A lot of things were beginning to bother him, and it felt like an unreachable itched that was begging to be scratched, but was hidden under layers of muscle and skin.

Shepard was missing, no one seeing any sign of him since they had returned the night before. An Ensign discovers a suspicious looking dispenser with an alien paralytic inside that appears to have been used recently while the Kodiak disappears along with Shepard and so far, no one can say where either have gone. Perhaps, most disconcerting, was Hackett's appraisal of the situation. They were soldiers, thinking, breathing automatons that were wielded in deft fashion by the hand's of the Alliance Brass and, if Kaidan were to be honest, it was all that he could remember from his life, a rather sad introspection. Hackett had always been professional and careful, able to weigh the needs versus the gains, but Kaidan couldn't help but wonder at the conversation that he'd just shared with Hackett.

The Admiral had seemed more concerned with the larger picture, of humanity's position in relation to the other species in the galaxy. Where had the consideration and importance for Shepard gone to? Were they tossing him aside now that the problems far outweighed the cost of the solution? It was a frightening thought, and Kaidan instinctively recoiled away from the insubordinate and seditious ideas that were plaguing him. What more could he do, he wondered, if the institution that had nurtured him saw him as expendable as Shepard? Shepard had sacrificed much for the betterment of the galaxy, yet it seemed painfully obvious that the combined peoples were not willing to reciprocate those selfless actions. Kaidan was in turmoil as he made his way over to the elevator and he couldn't keep away the doubts that kept gnawing deeper and deeper within him.

If everyone were putting aside Shepard's concerns in favour of their own, where could he turn to when Shepard needed help most? Kaidan felt the thought crystalize before he could stop it.

Him. Shepard could rely on him, and Kaidan would do everything he could, to make sure that Shepard got it.

*

Feeling returned in a slow tingle that began along the deep edges of his chest and spread out, sluggishly, toward his extremities. He could feel the hard slab that his body was resting upon, and his fingers curled in under their own volition and he could feel his short nails scrap along ridges of metal and porous stone. He flexed the muscles along his hands and arms as minutely as possible, trying not to draw attention to the conspicuous movement as he forced his eyes shut.

One of the many rules of captivity; not to let his captors know that he had regained consciousness.

The air was dank and stale and there were hints of rocky dust that filtered past his nose and settled heavily into his lungs. Shepard pulled in another careful breath and tried to pick through the different scents that his mind was attempting to catalogue. Stone and earth. Smelted metal and the clean scent of machinery. Feeling spread, reaching his ears and he heard the distinct sounds of machinery whirring and clicking away as they paced relentlessly through their duties. He shifted ever so slightly, feeling the skin along his back pull at the rough surface, bracing him down to the small of his back, over his naked rear and along the backs of his thighs and calves. So they'd stripped him of his clothes, denying him even that small measure of self.

A tough surface slapped him roughly against the side of his cheek and pain swallowed him as he choked back a groan.

"Ah, you're awake," a discordant voice purred at the edge of his hearing, "Faster than I thought. But not too fast." A quiet, throaty chuckle pierced the veil of pain and Shepard cracked an eye open as harsh, artificial light needled its way past his retinas and into the overly-sensitive optic nerve.

Tears sprung up at the edges of his vision and he blinked repeatedly as he tried to clear it, all pretence at remaining still forgotten as he sought to pull as much information as he could about his surroundings. His sight cleared slowly, though the area that he could see still swam slightly as his body fought through the potent remnants of the drugs still in his system.

The ceiling was rough, newly carved and still marred with the tool marks of whoever had shaped it, and his mind assumed that he was probably underground somewhere. A uniform slab, no joins, proved his theory.

His jaw throbbed as he turned a cheek against the surface and he instinctively felt his body twist to the side, and in the same motion, felt the binding restraints clatter noisily as his torso and limbs remained riveted to the makeshift examination table. It had to be that, he thought, as he stared at the shifting machines blinking in their odd, alien way, surrounding him and shoving harsh, unreadable figures before him. A slight rustling had him turning his head to the other side, where the sound came from, and he was rewarded with another crack to his face, pain's kiss stealing away coherent thought.

"Don't do that," the voice came again and Shepard immediately felt his head slacken as he forced himself to obey. No sense in inviting further abuse that would probably weaken him.

"Where am I?" Shepard asked and the sound that emerged was rough and gritty, his throat aching from dryness. A sharp prick along his jaw numbed the entire lower part of his face and he felt muscles slackened as his tongue weighed down uselessly within his mouth. He tried to ask the question again, but all he produced were unintelligible slurs.

"That's better," the voice stated pleasantly from his other side now, and he fought not to turn toward it, "You always spoke too much, Skipper."

 _That_ word. It smashed its way into his brain as his last waking moments caught up with him and the horrifying revelation that he had had to endure.

The table that he was on shuffled and vibrated and his body shifted as the surface pinched at his skin, but he ignored the sensation, instead focusing on the slowly tilting world and the fact that he was being shifted into an upright, standing position, albeit still strapped to this strange contraption.

Slowly, the bottom of his sight caught the swept-down, raven hair, pooling demurely along the crook of smooth skin. It framed a lovely face, age ripening the beauty that had been hinted at during her youth and a petulant mouth pursed in consideration as the creature that had once been Ashley Williams ran an appreciative gaze over his body.

"I see that, at least, you've been keeping up, eh Skipper?" Ash crooned as she eyed his glistening skin and taut muscles. Shepard shuddered in revulsion as the voice, that voice, that he'd always associated with a friend who was more a sister to him than anything, ran its oily way along his skin and left its mark on him.

Shepard stared blades at the creature, every other recourse available to him stolen, and he poured out his astonishment, his soul-tearing agony and his absolute hate out and hoped that it would reduc the woman to ashes.

Ash's Reaper eyes shone with pleasure as she basked in his all-encompassing hatred, the tri-pupils whirling madly about in their sclera.

"Good," she purred, "You're aware. You know. I was hoping for that. Its more fun if you can still think properly."

Shepard fumed silently, cursing his numb and still tongue as it lolled around the inside of his mouth. Ash seemed to pick up on the thought and rewarded him with a quick grin.

"Don't worry about that," she replied, raising a tiny needle of sorts and placing it on top of a side table without much thought. "Your mouth always seemed to get you in trouble, Skipper. I think it's better this way. If I did the talking and you did the listening."

Something wet splattered itself against his cheek and it took him a moment to realize that tears of fury and sadness were springing up along his eyes at the sight of Ash so corrupted by his most hated enemies. He tried to force the restraints free, tried to use every single ounce of his considerable strength to free himself and lunge across the empty space, using his hands to wipe clear the abomination that stood before him and save Ash's memory from the Reaper's corruption, but no matter how much he struggled and bulged his muscles, the restraints held without much apparent effort. His amp fizzled into stillness as something actively blocked the dark energy from manifesting.

Ash narrowed her eyes as she watched him struggle, eyes tracing along the restraints that held him down all over his body, just barely providing him with his modesty, and seemed to admire the workmanship of the bindings before turning her gaze back up to him.

"I will break you Shepard," her voice tore through his rage-fuelled haze, "My master has ordered it. No, not torture you. They want to preserve your body. But your mind is too strong, your will. They've asked me to break you, and I think I'll enjoy that. I'll enjoy telling you the truth about everything."

She smiled cruelly, standing in her dark-onyx armour, and Shepard lay panting from his useless efforts, facing her, both of them staring at one another with hate-filled eyes, though only Shepard's hid something else. Ash's eyes were dead, filled to over-flowing with hate, while Shepard's hate was a mask, hiding the infinite pool of regret and sadness at watching the distorted movements of a puppet that he had once considered a dear friend, a person close to him that he had saved and had condemned to die a long time ago, etched into memory.

Shepard wanted to scream, yell, shout and threaten, but his jaw hung slack as the marionette before him opened her mouth to speak her barbs and his hot tears continued to fall as his burning muscles kept pulling and pulling against the shackles of his body, disjointed as they were from his journey within, through the painful paths of memory that he had revisited countless times before, that led inexorably toward Virmire.


	25. There Are Two Sides, Playing Every Game

The doors swung open with interminable slowness and it was all Kaidan could do not to clench his arms around them and pull them open with the sheer strength of his muscle. Before they even had a chance to fully open for him, he surged out, quick, military steps pacing him toward the back of the Normandy's cargo bay and the small cluster of people who were milling around the now humming, glowing beacon.

EDI's mechanical platform was slowly prowling around the boundary between beacons, running an efficient hand across the lights that played over the strange, ancient surfaces and there were connections linking them all together. Miranda stood apart, keen eyes studying the people as well as the beacons and she was soon joined by James who whispered something over to her and she shook her head in response, dark hair flowing with the movement.

"EDI," Kaidan spoke up as he drew closer enough to speak without shouting, "Is everything ready?"

Without pausing from her study of the artifacts or turning to look at him, EDI gave the beacons another once over before looking down at the omni-tool along her metal forearm. "Yes, Major Alenko. We can activate the beacon."

Kaidan cast a quick glance over the assembled group, noting the absence of Steve or Wrex, assuming that they were probably still searching for evidence outside among the growing port. With a silent apology to them, Kaidan nodded once as EDI cast a quick glance over to where he stood. They didn't have any time to waste, not with things progressing as they had.

"Do it." There was a brief pause, like the anticipation before the sound of thunder rolled over the horizon, and Kaidan found that he was holding his breath as silence crept over the other observers. EDI ran a smooth hand over her omni-tool and engaged the mechanisms.

A hum. A slight buzz.

Kaidan swore under his breath as the flickering lights shot through the empty space, forming into the familiar, green ball of energy as the Normandy's lights shivered and wavered.

"Energy flow is unstable," EDI said casually, not at all concerned with the riot of electrical shorting and surging firing up around her.

"What's happening? Is it going to blow?" Miranda sounded a little more ruffled than Kaidan was used to, but he didn't have much time left to contemplate as the beacon flickered, seem to go dead, and then sparked as energy poured into the device and it at last completed its task, the form of the slightly translucent Prothean standing before them in a relaxed position. It seemed not to see them as it stood there, barely twitching.

Kaidan felt his breathing start to return back to normal levels as the lights in the cargo bay began to stabilize and return back to their familiar, comforting glow. "What the hell was that, EDI?"

"It appears that the beacon draws more power through itself when they are... linked," EDI replied, still tapping away at her omni-tool, "I am unsure as to the specifications, but I believe this crude method has a greater draw on our power than necessary. Shall I de-activate it and attempt to reconfigure?"

Kaidan threw a look at the Prothean VI standing before him. "Well, will it cause any problems?"

"It is difficult to say," EDI countered as she looked up away from the interface. "I believe that unless vast resources are allocated to process significant requests or information, the draw should be limited to what we have seen so far."

Kaidan nodded, turning once more to the VI. As long as they could work this, he didn't need to waste precious hours spent tinkering around with something which was, in effect, a secondary concern. That was unless, he could pull anything else of interest out of the VI.

"VI," Kaidan spoke up, addressing the translucent creation, "Can you hear me?"

"Affirmative," it immediately replied.

Kaidan pondered for a moment, curiosity getting the better of him as he hesitated. "Don't you... don't you need to, um, establish a time-scale or something like that?"

"Time-scale already established," the VI said, "Previous interactions are stored. I am called Ward. Holding for request."

Kaidan felt his hand moving along the back of his neck before he thought to halt the movement, glad that he didn't have to ask the VI for its name again after forgetting the VI's name. He blinked suddenly as the thought came to him; why the hell was he feeling sheepish about forgetting what the VI wanted to be addressed as? He shook out the thought as he felt about, using his words.

"Ward," Kaidan said slowly, "We've, um, we've linked you to a few more... beacons. Are there any significant changes to your, um, systems?" He cast a look over at EDI who had returned to monitor the beacon's progress and turned back as Ward addressed him.

"Yes," came the reply, "Connection established between other capsules. Integration is already complete at 99.99 percent. Processing power is now at optimal levels." It turned what seemed a questioning eye down at him. "What is it you require?"

"We, um," Kaidan struggled to remember, "you mentioned that there were... two, indoctrination protocols that you had stored... and, well..."

"Indoctrination protocols, two," the VI confirmed immediately.

"Great, just... just great," Kaidan said feeling like a complete idiot. Without Shepard present, there was no way to test for any form of indoctrination anyway and it didn't seem like-

"Warning. Protocols completed. Indoctrinated presence detected," Ward suddenly interjected.

Kaidan felt himself stiffen at the unexpected announcement and heard shrill sounds of panic and startlement at the pronouncement as the people around him cast wary looks about them and glared at one another accusingly. Kaidan was on the verge of triggering the mnemonics for his barrier as he studied the small assembled group. EDI cocked her head to the side in a biological imitation of thought as she studied the rising tension that was swirling around them.

"I sense no presence of Reaper signatures, Major Alenko," EDI said at last but Kaidan was still too fresh from the War, too fresh from the Reapers on Omega and Rannoch not to suspect the VI's damning conclusion.

"Ward," Kaidan rasped quickly, "Identify the indoctrinated presence."

The lights around them flickered briefly as the beacons drew in more power to process his command.

"Telemetry sources indicate that indoctrinated residue is most highly concentrated in our current location and approximately thirty meters above, toward the south-west," Ward corrected.

"Indoctrinated residue?" Kaidan blurted out as EDI said, "The beacon is referring to the medical bay."

"Correct," Ward replied as it shifted slightly in its pose, "Prothean biology allows for the deconstruction of DNA memory through touch. This adaptation was implemented into our capsules, though there lacked the combined processing power necessary to render it effective."

"There was an indoctrinated thing on board the Normandy," Miranda whispered softly, "Here, in the cargo bay."

" _Asco_ ," James mumbled like an overgrown bumble bee, "That's disgusting. We had a stow away, Major?"

"Ward," Kaidan said, ignoring them for the mean time, "I need more information."

"What information do you require?" the VI asked cryptically.

Kaidan bit his lip as he considered but before he could come up with a response, EDI stepped beside him and into the VI's range of view and spoke quietly to him.

"Major, I believe I can more efficiently question the device concerning indoctrination. Do I have your permission to continue?"

"Ward," EDI spoke up, addressing the VI, "Expand upon previous indoctrinated residue. Define characteristics."

"Human," came the reply after another brief flickering of lights, "Female. Approximate aged undetermined. Detected through protocol two."

"Define protocol two. Expand," EDI countered.

Kaidan nodded quickly, setting his mind racing as the information began to pool along the side of his brain. He was starting to get frustrated with the VI's stubborn help and, surprisingly, angry.

Wait. Angry? Why was he getting angry?

He traced back the dark, red path that glowered in his mind, following back to the source within his head before he realized that the anger and frustration that was building up inside wasn't coming from him, it was coming from the bond that he shared with Shepard. Shepard was awake and apparently transmitting his emotions, but he was perhaps too far away for thoughts to travel through their unusual quantum connection.

 _John?_ Kaidan thought as hard as he could. _Can you hear me?_

Nothing but silence answered. Silence, and a growing sense of anger and disgust.

*

"Reaper technology really is the finest in the galaxy, don't you think Skipper?" Ash said gaily as she stepped around his prone form. His eyes tracked her movements like a predator following prey.

He blinked.

Ash had disappeared, there one moment, gone the next.

"With this," came a sudden, buzzing whisper in his ear, "I can avoid being seen by all but the most scrutinizing sensors." A dark, gauntleted hand reached out and roughly grazed over his stubbled cheek, and he pulled away roughly from the touch like he'd been burned.

Ash laughed darkly as she stepped into his view again, and crossed her arms demurely across her armour.

"That was some display of power you showed on Rannoch," Ash said absently as she cocked her head to the side, "It caught me by surprise, but dark energy can be absorbed just like every other." She tapped lightly along the warped, dark metal and Shepard realized that she was trying to draw his attention to the armour that she wore. The colour of a Reaper's shell.

"I wasn't expecting you to blow me away _after_ that though," Ash said bitterly as her queer gaze lingered over his body, "Stronger than we thought. More reckless. Wasn't that always your way?"

Shepard growled something unintelligible as his tongue twitched against the roof of his mouth. He experimentally wiggled his jaw and was gratified to feel the slightest echo of feeling shoot through him. The drug was apparently wearing off.

"Climbed right through the cargo bay," Ash cackled, "Looked a little different, but it was still the same piece of human-turian crap from all those years ago. That stupid Husk almost did me in, but that fat lump of lard quickly took care of that problem. Hate those things. Always have."

Shepard growled again, putting more of his anger into the sound and Ash looked up at him, expectant and pleased at his reaction.

"Another bonus," she replied, running a hand over her body, "No need for food. Water. Minimal need for air. Hardy stuff."

 _You're not even human anymore,_ Shepard thought sadly to himself, the only way he could respond. _They've taken everything away that makes you truly alive_.

"You can't imagine how difficult it was, after Virmire," Ash said casually, though her gaze had become more penetrating than ever. "You left me die, left me to sacrifice my life for some pathetic group of salarian insects that couldn't even hold their own. Krogan, turian, they're all the same, Skipper, and they all deserve to _burn_ for what they did to me."

 _No Ash,_ Shepard swallowed convulsively, _Not them. Me._

Ash had apparently gotten the swing of her monologue and seemed to enjoy the sound of her own indoctrinated voice, pacing as she threw barbs at him, spearing him with her words.

"It hurt so much. Damn near bled out when the last of the Geth came through." Ash kept glancing his way to see if he was hurting under the barrage of memories. "I screamed pitifully when they took me, before the nuke went off. Saren was just a distraction, had to buy some time so that they could take me, in the hopes of using me as leverage. You'd be surprised how these Reapers think, Skipper. So powerful. Like gods." Pure worship shone through those altered eyes and Shepard felt his gorge rose at the sickeningly hopeful look in Ash's expression when she spoke about the Reapers.

"Saren's exposure to the beacon on Eden Prime," Ash mused quietly to herself, "It was perhaps why he could fight off indoctrination the way that he did. Why you managed to talk him into shooting his sad, turian head off. Its probably the same reason you managed to fight it for as long as you did. Who would have thought, those extinct, green bugs would have found a way to counter indoctrination with something so basic."

 _No Ash,_ Shepard told the woman in his head, _Not because of the beacon. Because deep down, he was good. Like you were. Like you are._ He worked at his jaw a little and felt the sensation creep up stronger than before.

"After you destroyed Sovereign," Ash said softly, pain and hurt evident in her voice, "I was stuck. Left to rot on some shitty little rock, left to die. Again." Ash's voice blazed with hate, searing the air between them. "Harbinger found me. Or at least his proxies did. He was the oldest, the most powerful. At the edges of dark space, he could just barely influence the galaxy, communicate with the so-called Collectors. Bunch of little shits."

Memories swam through Shepard's mind as he tried to pull away from them, but their relentless claws hooked into him and dug through, imprinting themselves afresh. The Collectors, Harbinger. The Alpha Relay.

"It took the rest of the vanguard years to move through that nothingness," Ash muttered almost to herself, and Shepard stared at her as she giggled softly, hairs standing at the maddening sound. "Imagine. Faster Than Light travel in a place where there exists no light. So poetic."

Ash whirled and rounded on him, causing him to flinch slightly as his bruise throbbed along the side of his jaw. The sensation was familiar and comforting, not because of the pain, but because it indicated that his sense of touch was returning quickly. "I was seen as important. Powerful. I had ties to you, the creature who had single-handedly orchestrated Sovereign's destruction. They were curious and so, I was changed as the Collectors were once Prothean. Am I not powerful, Shepard? Am I not stronger than the strongest living thing in this galaxy? _You_?"

A muttered sound came from Shepard, but it was lost in Ash's wild tirade and the mad glint in her artificial eyes indicated that she hadn't heard. Shepard worked his jaw furiously as he tried to bring more sensation back, willing his body to burn through the last of the drug, his Cerberus enhancements fighting and steadily winning.

"Look at them," Ash said, flinging her hand out to the side as the door opened, leading outward to a dark, stony exterior. A Husk stepped through the portal and shambled aimlessly through the room and over to stand slovenly next to Ash. "Pathetic creatures. Not worth the time or the resources to create them. Cannon fodder. Come on, Skipper, take a good, long look."

Shepard wanted to look away, wanted to deny Ash her authority in even this small way, but harsh fingers clamped around his jaw and inexorably forced his head up to look at the pitiful thing standing next to the monstrosity of his former friend. It was a Husk alright, nothing special and Ash's grip turned painful as she dug her fingers in deeper, forcing him to see something that he just couldn't grasp. That gaping mouth, blank vacant stare, eyes rimmed with a trio of blue pupils that seemed to-

Wait.

Blue? Almost blue. Teal. Azure. Something in between. Dread sneaked up his spine as his mind tried to process the information. The Husks had always exuded a violent purplish hue, matching their rotten patchwork skin, and it shone through their torn flesh and through the metallic wiring that shot through them. This creature glowed _blue_. A very unique blue, that he'd only ever seen on one person. His eyes widened as far as they could go as the realization smacked into him and Ash finally let go as she cackled, realizing that he'd finally understood.

"Yes," Ash purred, running a metal digit over the scabbed and wrinkled skin of the creature next to her. "I'm glad you remember. Not really an old friend is he Shepard? We found him on the Citadel, surrounded by his cronies, as we were dragging it away from the Serpent Nebula. I'm glad you got to see your friend, The Illusive Man, one last time."

The Husk that had once been the most powerful and mysterious human alive, the leader of Cerberus's dark dealings, mewled piteously at him as clawed fingers twitched and shook. A blur cut through the air and congealed fluids spattered warmly against Shepard's bare skin, Ash's hand crumpling the Husk's head like cheap paper as she wrung the fluids out. She let the twitching corpse drop to the floor with no more care.

"You can't control us," Ash spoke quietly, menacingly, "You can't defeat us. All your efforts, all your sacrifices. They were for nothing, Shepard. You, humanity's finest, no, the galaxy's finest, couldn't do anything more than nettle and sting. But you're good. I'll admit that. And the Reapers, well, we need the best in our ranks."

"Ash..." Shepard muttered thickly, barely able to get the word out, "Don't do this. You don't have to be like them..."

Shock flickered in her eyes before she managed to recover and a rakish grin swept her full lips up in points. "Amazing. That didn't last as long as I had hoped. Oh well, I was getting a little sick of listening to myself."

"Please," Shepard continued, not listening. "You're better than this."

Hesitation painted her features and Shepard felt a thrill of hope shoot through him. Ash seemed to blink, struggling within herself. She step towards him, reaching out a careful, trembling hand.

"Skipper?"

The sound in her voice, so lost, so painful almost shattered his resolve, but he kept speaking, kept wielding the only weapon he had to use.

"Come on Ash," Shepard whispered encouragingly, strength returning to his jaw, "You were a good soldier, you can come back to-"

A whip crack sound threaded the air and pain blossomed along his jaw. His vision went white as another blow crossed the other side, leaving him two throbbing spots as he tasted blood in his mouth. He wiggled his jaw, testing for any broken bones or loose teeth, and the pain almost blinded him again. He raised his gaze up to look a grinning Ash in the face.

"I'm not a _good_ soldier," Ash said in a sinister tone, that mocking grin plastered onto her face. "I'm the _best_. Did you really think that would work, Shepard? You were never a good listener were you? Always asking questions, not really giving a shit about what you heard. That crap worked on Saren because the beacon on Eden Prime destabilized the indoctrination. I'm not like him. I'm not as weak as him." Another blurry blow struck him across the face and the droplets of red that left his mouth soared through the air and landed on the hungry, metal floor. "It's the only reason you managed to escape the same effects, only you got to the beacon _before_ you were indoctrinated. So you had a one up. But it almost killed you as well, didn't it?"

*

"The second protocol, Protocol fifteen-one," Ward confirmed, "Indoctrination is a poorly understood phenomena. During the occupation of-"

"Wait, wait," Kaidan quickly interrupted, "We've already heard this."

"Ward," EDI said after a brief second of thought, "Expand upon Tarr'Grish."

"You remember what it was called?" Kaidan blurted in amazement.

"Of course, Major," EDI said quickly, "I have the entire conversation stored within my data-banks."

Heat flamed in Kaidan's cheeks. "What else do you have-"

"Tarr'Grish," the VI responded softly as everyone strained to listen, interrupting Kaidan, "One of the many worlds that the Prothean Empire conquered during its expansion across the galaxy. It was a time of enlightenment and scientific progress. As such, many worlds were allocated purely for the search for scientific understanding and martial progress. Tarr'Grish was taken by the ones you call Reapers approximately thirty-seven years after first contact."

"Why was indoctrination studied on Tarr'Grish?" EDI replied carefully.

"It was not its sole province," Ward replied in his envious stillness, "Many of our greatest minds were turned to understanding indoctrination. It was only on Tarr'Grish that a breakthrough was discovered."

"What kind of breakthrough?" Kaidan whispered.

"Knowledge on indoctrination was subjective and non-absolute," Ward offered, "Similarly, the studies on the Reapers were as flawed. However, it became clear that the Reapers are organized in a system of castes, like any other societal construct."

"That would make sense," EDI clarified, "If the Reapers are the creations of biological identities, then like the Geth, they would mimic the different systems that were in place for such societies. Provided the unlikely outcome of evolving past that obstruction."

"That conclusion was reached by Master Riaton, who also documented the differences within indoctrination." Ward seemed to suck in a breath before continuing. "The initial Reaper invasion began with their vanguard, the strongest and most capable of their constructs, but also the oldest. We began to observe that certain Reapers also exhibited other traits, similar to organics. One of them was a scientific arm that studied biological processes. This divergent group actively sought out our greatest troves of knowledge and advancement and used the information to strengthen their numbers while crippling our own."

"A devastating tactic," EDI supplied. Kaidan nodded mutely at the thought of an organized hierarchy within the Reaper's otherworldly structure.

"It was discovered on Tarr'Grish during the occupation that certain indoctrinated individuals failed to register on the protocols that we designed to identify them," Ward spoke, "Master Riaton concluded that the manipulations of the subjects' cranial cortex were different from what our instruments were set to identify and he spent his life documenting the difference until his death."

"And what are these differences?" Miranda quipped up from right behind Kaidan, clearly drawn into the discussion. "What other forms of indoctrination exist that you've discovered?"

The lights flickered and dimmed as Ward seemed to glow with inner fire, drawing in more energy as it pulled data out of the other beacons surrounding it. "Indoctrination is believed to manipulate the neural pathways within the brain, adjusting and forcefully twisting the connective neurons in order to re-align the priorities of organics. Singular, base purposes of life shift and instead of whatever characterstics intrinsic to the nature of an individual, paths are connected in similar manners, through complex bio-electrical manipulation, in order to reroute all overriding desires toward those that benefit the Reapers. However, the brain is a complex organ that is built up on multiple inter-connecting pathways that share relations. Should one be altered, it will corrupt the other tissues that depend on that neural system."

"Which is why, the more you're indoctrinated, the more you lose your individuality," Miranda snapped as success made her voice rich and throaty.

"Correct," Ward offered, "Absolute control re-writes every single function within the brain, essentially rendering each pathway useless to any other. It was discovered on Tarr'Grish, that a more complicated and subtle adjustment could be made."

"What kind?" Kaidan asked, wetting his dry lips. The more he learnt, the more worried he was at knowing that Shepard was probably suffering under the hands of his tormentors as they browsed through this high-tech encyclopaedia.

"Concepts. Ideologies," Ward said not entirely helpfully, "Love. A driving force that is the sole purpose desire of a living, biological creature. Slow and careful manipulation of these core commands can turn a mind subtly over long periods of exposure, maintaining control while preserving the individual's identity. These subjects took longer to change, but the process is more irrevocable, as the creature's purpose becomes that of the Reaper's."

"Worshipping Reapers," Kaidan spat, hate thick in his voice as he finally understood what Ward was implying, "Whatever centres around a person's life, love, faith, greed, the Reapers they... they turn it towards their goals and their purpose."

"Correct," Ward confirmed.

"That's not something that we can simply erase," Miranda said in worried tones, "And Shepard was like this? How can you be so sure that you've removed the indoctrination from him, Alenko?"

Kaidan whirled on her, feeling the unnatural anger pulse within him, but he forced himself to breathe evenly as he considered the question. It was a good question, he just didn't think he was in the right state of mind to answer.

"You're right," Kaidan said in a controlled manner, "It's not just something that we can erase. It'll be ingrained into them, something that changes who they are. But I know what the Rachni Queen did for me. For John. She... took my memories of him. Everything that I had. I'm not sure how it worked, but we... I gave back to John what the Reapers took. So far, it seems to be enough."

"Is it enough though?" Miranda pounced on the opening. "I want to believe that as much as you, or anyone else who Shepard calls friend, but if this is deeper than that... We need to find him and see if the indoctrination sensor in the beacon can detect any trace at all. And who's to say he's the only one? Loads of people were exposed during the war. To either form. We would need to get-"

"Get the galaxy together to screen them?" Kaidan huffed in amazement. "When everyone's rebuilding Miranda? Do you even know how to get that done?"

"We have to try," Miranda insisted, "How many cultures, how many people will be building their new societies based on a group of people who could possibly have the Reaper's best interests at heart? Who knows how many planets will be warped by this."

"Look, I want to see that through too," Kaidan said with just a hint of acid, "But John's not here right now, and we have no idea where he could be. Whatever happens, I need to make sure that-"

"Wait, hang on a minute there Major," James broke in, stepping up to the VI himself, "Um, hey, green thing. Ward VI. You, um, you said something about different types of Reapers. Different Reapers that do different things."

"Yes," Ward said simply and Kaidan was sending the large marine a questioning look that was joined by Miranda's scorn and EDI's curiosity. James writhed under the scrutiny but kept his back straight, looking right at the VI as he spoke over their gaze.

"So, um, like you mentioned something about the vanguard. Vanguard Reapers? That means the first wave, or fore runners or something. Are there... are there more Reapers beside this... vanguard?" James swallowed as he finished the thought and Kaidan felt a tiny skitter of fear as he considered this new idea. He turned to look at the VI as it paused to answer, and he swore that he felt everyone else within the vicinity do the same.

"Knowledge is subjective and non-absolute," Ward replied, "But yes. It was postulated that there exists more of the ones we call Reapers in dark space."

*

"The Memory Pylon on Eden Prime, it-"

Another bruise to join the growing ranks that were populating his cheeks. This time he spat blood on Ash's armour but she seemed thrilled rather than upset with his defiance.

"Don't interrupt," Ash replied casually as she withdrew her hand. "Though it does have to do with that. My masters wanted you, needed to collect the best that the galaxy had to offer. Indoctrination had to be the way, but you were difficult. Stubborn."

"Yeah? You should ask Kaidan how well I-"

Another crack, another swelling of pain.

"Glutton for punishment," Ash chided, "If you keep talking, I'll take every tube I can find and pump it into your face. Would you prefer that? No?"

Shepard wisely bit his tongue, stopping the retort and Ash nodded approvingly, like a master rewarding a faithful dog with her regard.

"My masters," Ash began again and Shepard felt sick every time that word left her mouth, like she was offering prayers to the Reapers, "They knew about the effects of the beacon on Eden Prime before you destroyed the Alpha Relay. They were studying you, trying to find out why you were so difficult to turn."

"The Prothean memories," Shepard said thickly as much as his swollen face allowed.

"Very good," Ash crooned, "Yes. Your brain algorithms were altered. Changed beyond something even they expected. Indoctrination wouldn't take hold. It would just layer itself on top of everything else and make you even more insane than you'd become, Skipper. So we had to find a way to cancel that, remove it in some way. Could you think of any way we could do that?" Ash concluded innocently.

Shepard gritted his teeth at the mocking face of his friend plastered onto this Reaper construct but the thought shot through him, stopping his reckless desire to whip Ash down with his recalcitrance. A Reaper construct, and the only possible way that they could have known to remove any kind of influence on his mind...

"The Rachni Queen," Shepard answered softly, almost unintelligible. "That was why you hunted the Queen and kept her."

Ash clapped her hands together in a parody of gleeful delight, but her eyes shone with delicious malice and her grin was just as predatory. "Yes. Very, very good, Skipper. The Queen managed to fight off what we did to her, months of torture and twisting. But we couldn't break her, couldn't break into her mind. So we did the next best thing. We took her children, her precious babies, and made them suffer, turned them into the monsters that you called Ravagers. Powerful, but delicate. Glass cannons not worth keeping. But it was for the pain it caused, the absolute, delicious suffering it brought the Queen each time her child cried out for her, screamed for her. _Begged_ for release." Ash's eyes shone with the joy and Shepard felt his throat close.

"You're a monster. You all are." Shepard said with barely veiled disgust. How could this creature be the Ashely Williams who sang to herself quietly and read poetry aloud to her sisters. There had to be something left inside that he could save. Ash's hand shifted slightly and he braced himself for the blow that didn't come.

"Yes," Ash supplied, "Monsters. Demons. Angels. Gods. It doesn't matter what you call us. We exist and we're so very strong Skipper."

"You're all alone," Shepard spat, "The last Reaper and its failed creations. We destroyed Sovereign without the aid of the Catalyst. We can destroy you and your 'master' as well. You'll never take me, and I'll fight you to hell and back."

"Sovereign, that old wind bag, was too overconfident," Ash supplied and Shepard wondered at the lack of awe in her voice, "Its time had come. And in case you're missing something, Skipper, I think you should know. We don't need the Queen now do we? Not now that our dear little LT has removed the last of the taint from your mind." Ash's smile seemed to cut the air like razors.

"No," Shepard said, shaky confidence injected into his denial.

"Oh?" Ash said, widening her eyes and placing a contrite hand along her cheek. "Is it because you're joined in the mind? Sharing each other's emotions and thoughts? It was something that we learned from the Queen. Done only from mother to daughter. A gift she called it, and I'm sure she would have given the great Commander Shepard _anything_ after you saved her life. And killed her suffering children."

Shepard refused to be baited, letting the sarcasm wash over him but he felt a frission of nerves shoot through him as he considered something else. How much did they know? Too much, even that much was too much to give to the Reapers.

Ash's triumphant look was grotesque. "But you _are_ right you know Skipper. Can't really do anything now that you've got another's mind linked to yours. We couldn't do it with the Rachni and we won't be able to do it to you."

"Then just kill me and get it over with-"

Ash's hand snaked through the air and crushed his lips shut. "Let me clarify, Skipper. We can't do it to you the way you are, but what if, let's say, we removed that link? Removed that last bit of protection? Wouldn't you be just as pliable as the rest of us? After all, you're only human, no matter what was done to bring you back."

Shepard's eyes widened in horror as realization dawned on him. He sucked in a scratchy breath and tried to howl his denial but Ash's grip was implacable, barely allowing air to trickle past his tortured mouth.

"Yes," Ash purred sibilantly, "Kill Kaidan. Watch him burn and die. Then, when he's gone from your mind, we'll take you. Body and soul." Ash laughed darkly as she shoved his head away to crash against the surface behind him, barely missing the amp port at the base of his neck.

"You'll never get your chance," Shepard said with malice as the white haze retreated, "He'll never get caught by you. He's better, stronger and smarter."

"Oh, he will," Ash said confidently, "After all, we have you. Love can make people do very stupid things, can't they?"

"You piece of shit," Shepard swore violently, "You're crap. I made the right choice to kill you on Virmire. Let the weakest die. You would never have replaced Kaidan, never in eternity. You'll die with the Reapers and Kaidan will-"

The blow this time tore at his flesh as Ash's metal knuckles cracked against his cheek, washing him in pain.

"Bastard," Ash hissed, "It should have been me! I should have been at your side! I deserved it, Shepard! But now, I think I'll cut out your tongue. Or maybe pull it out. You won't need it when you-"

Ash screamed suddenly, pulling Shepard from his pain-filled haze and he was equally pleased at watching his tormentor suffer and torn at watching his friend's face in a rictus of suffering. Ash's note of anguish filled the small space as she gripped the sides of her head and smashed her way through the delicate instruments around them.

"Yes, yes master," Ash all but begged brokenly, stumbling to a halt. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yes. Please, make it stop. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!"

She stood on trembling legs, turning up a look at Shepard that was so full of loathing that he swore he could see the air warp around them. Without another word or blow, she slammed the surface roughly back to its horizontal position and engaged the thing's motor functions, pulling him along quickly as they exited the room, all sign of her previous anguish forgotten as she moved him, compelled by the will of her master.

Shepard craned his head up as the doorway blurred past his line of sight, emptying out into a darkness that he absently mistook for a night sky, except that there were no stars. The vast, sucking sounds of empty air intruded on his ears and the faint echoing footfalls pattered along ahead of him. Turning his head to his right side, he glimpsed smooth rock walls, covered with machinery and blinking lights, tubes and wires running throughout the spare surface, coiling along the floor and moving off in all directions. The air smelled crisp and sharp, the smell of eezo and energy. Vertigo sent his vision swimming as he suddenly arched up, swinging back up to his previously vertical position. He started, but recovered quickly as he stared hatefully at the thing before him.

It was dark, dark enough to suck in the surrounding light and octopoid in configuration. It towered over their tiny forms and reached black tendrils up to disappear into the ceiling above him. Its elegant bulk rested on thick legs that were splayed out, gripping the rocky floor covetously as large tubes came and went at seemingly random intervals around its body. The glow of red magma, yellow energy and noxious blue filtered through the tubes and seemed to gurgle and churn as they entered and exited the megalithic Reaper.

Sudden red light, unnatural in its hue, bathed him as the Reaper's oculus engaged and seemed to take him in, considering. Shepard turned his head to the side to avoid the malicious gaze and glimpsed Ash in her dark armour, head bowed and knees bent in a parody of worshipful subservience that made him grind his teeth.

**You are the Shepard.**

The voice tore through his mind, shredding his brain as if razor shards of ice were pelting through his ears and turning his mind into mush. He wanted to shout his defiance, but he stubbornly focused his will and met the red gaze before him, not giving it an inch.

"And you're an asshole," Shepard ground out.

Something struck at his solar plexus, winding him and sending him coughing and hacking as he tried to suck in life-giving air through his spasming diaphragm. He choked and sputtered, willing his muscles to respond and still as he recovered from the beating, sending Ash a bland look as she coiled back away from him, staring hatred at him as she bent back down to kneel before her metallic deity.

**You are the Shepard.**

"If you can't guess that, then maybe you have the wrong person." Shepard clenched his muscles tightly, bracing himself for another blow but it never came.

**Bravado. Foolish pride. Your resistance is a weakness that consumes your kind. The organic failures. It shall be weaned from you.**

"What the hell do you things want with me? Why me?" Shepard yelled out.

The Reaper shifted the red light slightly, seemingly considering before ignoring him.

**We are what you call Reapers. We, are Ascendant.**

"Sounds bad," Shepard grated out, "Better get it checked out."

**Such empty words, how they ring in hollow tones. Your words mean nothing to us. You are but a blink, a pointless waste. But you will grow and you will threaten that which we must preserve. Thus, we harvest. But you will be preserved.**

"Why. Me." Shepard said in strong, clipped tones. It wasn't a question this time. It was a command and he bared his teeth as the words clicked out of his battered lips.

**You are the best this insignificant era has to offer. It intruiges us, how such a miniscule organism can resist. You shall be harvested, and taught to serve a greater purpose.**

"Never," Shepard spat out.

**The concept does not sway us. You will turn to our will, your body a shell for our glorious purpose. You will be ours, as we instructed you, some time ago.**

"And what makes you think that will help you?" Shepard railed, "The last Reaper, stuck in your prison of stone. All alone. Do you think adding one more thing like me, like _her_ ," Shepard spat tossing his head at Ash's prostrate form, "will make a difference? It's only a matter of time. The galaxy will find you and end you like they did Sovereign. And Harbinger. We know now, how to fight your kind."

The light streamed past him and seemed to caress his skin with heated fingers and he couldn't control the flinch as the heat seemed to bubble and move around him and through him.

**We are. We exist. We are the Reapers, the many names before given to us to hide the fear of the unknown, by those your better. All have fallen and we will reap you and your kind before us. There exists realities past your meagre comprehension, beyond, in the dark spaces. We are more than infinite.**

Shepard paled at the threat, so bluntly delivered, trying to work through the grandiose delivery. Realities past the corners of dark space. More what? What the hell was this delusional squid talking about.

"We destroyed your fleet, monster," Shepard said through ground teeth, not willing to give in to despair, "We destroyed every last one of you. All except you and your lackeys."

**Not all.**

Fear chased up Shepard's spine. Were there, perhaps, more places like this? Little hidey holes that had Reapers stuck within them? Ascendant seemed to read his thoughts as its voice hissed through the halo of deep, red light.

**This was but an experiment conducted by us. This world reflects that which you called the Catalyst, preserving our function. Unique. Fascinating. But it is a tool, and it has satisfied, but it will be discarded now that its purpose is served.**

"Why the hell are you telling me all this?" Shepard spoke out loud.

**We wish you to despair. To lose that which you call hope and faith. We wish to break you and reform the tatters of your broken form, to rise and become ascendant.**

"Never," Shepard rang out adamantly.

**But you will.**

The Reaper, Ascendant, seemed to shift its red-eyed gaze over to Ash's still form, bathing her in lurid blood-soaked light as it considered for a moment. Ash raised her gaze with sick adoration and Shepard watched as little trembles seemed to consume the woman.

**Hope. Faith. Love. Of the greatest of these, is what you call... Love. Is this not what you have been taught to believe in? To hold on to with impractical desperation?**

Shepard's skin prickled at having ancient scripture, probably pulled from Ash's mind, being recited to him. The malicious light splayed over him once more as the Reaper turned and regarded him, like a scientist preparing to dissect a lab specimen in order to further understand and catalogue its functions.

**You have love, do you not, Shepard? Selfish, ruinous waste that controls you and shifts your desire. Your fleeting instant is soaked in your search for love. The love of the one you call... Kaidan?**

"Don't you say his name you son of a-" Ascendant's shrieking rang out, drowning out his cursing.

**The faith of your friends. Those that shore you up and make you believe you are stronger than you are. They breed the hope within you. A triumvate of strength, feeding on each other as parasites do, lending false stability to an existence without purpose. What happens if we remove that faith? If we remove your love? Will your hope not flounder and die? Will you not burn with agony and broken hope to see your faith shriek against our will, to see your love pull away from you and obliterate benath our might?**

Dread coiled thickly within him and it settled heavy tendrils through his chest, but he refused to surrender to the feeling, refused to give up. So he fought.

"You don't understand us at all," Shepard said, trying to equal the malice that he felt washing over him, "You don't understand that its not the way it works. Even without them, without that, I'll still fight you with everything I've got." The lie was sharp on his tongue. He knew how important his friends were to him, how important Kaidan was, and the fact that he'd found a family in this motely group was a testament to his tenacity and desire for normalcy. Especially considering all the twisted things he'd been through in his past, and in his short life. But he wouldn't give up, he'd been a fighter long before anything else. The only difference was, now he had something personal worth fighting for and no matter what would happen, whatever the Reaper would to him, still, he would fight.

**We shall see.**

"Fuck you," Shepard said succinctly, "I'll die first and fucking haunt you until you break apart and die."

**A lesson, creature of weak flesh. We have existed for millions of years. Time is meaningless to our kind. The harvest continues. The great cull, continues. Life must endure, and we are the shepherds of life. As will you be. As so many others have become.**

"Your fleet is dead and broken, that last of your bodies used to line-"

Shepard stuttered to a halt as the beam of light turned suddenly hotter, searing into his skin and pulling from him a yell of pain as each part of his body felt like it was being dipped into a vat full of acid. The pulse continued for a second more, for an entire lifetime, and he could almost feel his skin scabbing off, breaking and falling to the floor like dead leaves. His nerves were pure agony and he shuddered and groaned, trying his best to keep the weak sounds in as he fought off the mounting waves of pain.

**Every cycle. Every harvest. There are a few who resist the inevitable. They are strong, for insignificants, and we seek improvement. It is efficient. For millions of years, we have kept them strong, parsed them of flesh and bone, weakness and independence. _They_ are now, _us_.**

No, Shepard thought blurrily to himself as the scent of scorched flesh singed his nostrils and the pain began to overwhelm even his greater regenerative abilities. He struggled to deny the words, but they came on anyway, digging relentlessly into his brain. He hung in his harness, unable to even stop listening to the words that bore down on him.

**You see now. You accept despair. Yes. What you wiped from existence were the oldest and least evolved of our numbers. As we are. There are more, so many more. We are, more than what the limitations of your language can number. We are the herald, as were those that came before us, and we shall open the doors through the darkness and bring them to complete the harvest. All you have gained is a reprieve. Now, there will be no more Catalyst. There will be no more life. And when the bulk of our fleet emerges, you shall lead them. You will have, ascended to reap the harvest anew. And the cycle will begin and end, and continue eternally.**

No! Shepard tried to voice out, but his tongue wouldn't work, his head couldn't move to stare his defiance and voice his strength. The beatings, the painful sensory overload was beginning to wear on him, and his muscles refused to listen as he clung on painfully to consciousness, glad for the restraints holding him in place. He wouldn't give up, he would fight, and in the end if it came down to it, he would make sure he _never_ became a tool of the Reapers, no matter the cost.

Ascendant pulsed once more, flickering with lightnings as it settled back into its still form, shutting the rest of the world out as it went about doing whatever it was it needed to do. Shepard wanted to threaten, wanted to discern a way to circumvent that inevitability but the pain was eating into him now, making it difficult to concentrate.

Ash stood up, the audience apparently over, and sauntered over to him with a victorious smile playing grimly over her face. Shepard ached to wipe it out. There had to be some way, some way of turning Ash back to what she had been, to override the Reaper's control. If they could do it to him, surely they could bring Ash to the new Rachni Queen and asked for such a favour. The little ember of hope stubbornly stuck in his chest and refused to go out, no matter what Ash had done to him or become. He had to cling desperately to hope.

"Hear that Skipper?" Ash said as she playfully slapped his burned skin, eliciting a groan of suffering from his dry, cracked lips, "This is going to be fun."

But Shepard wasn't listening to her threats and barbed words, shutting out the world as he pulled within himself and raced down a line within his mind that was becoming increasingly familiar and sure. He wavered and stumbled but he focused unerringly on that single point and at last was rewarded with the warm glow of Kaidan brushing up against his inner self. So warm, so comforting. How had they all lived their lives with one another without this connection, he thought deliriously, without this warmth? It was a heady, rich nectar and it soothed away the aches and brutality that was done to his body, pulling him deeper into a well of infinite that was ecstasy, fire and ice, singing in his mind. Before letting himself get too distracted with the novel sensations and before he allowed himself a retreat from the world, he sent an urgent thought through the thin, tenacious thread. 

 _Kaidan,_ he thought as loudly as he could, _Stay away. Please, don't come and find me._

He pulsed the thought out over and over again, as often as he could, praying and hoping that Kaidan would hear it and keep away. He didn't have much hope, but as long as he could keep it up, he would do so. Even if he didn't have much, a little hope went a long way and it fuelled is resolve. The thought sent itself along the connection, again and again, Shepard stubbornly refusing to surrender as he focused on the situation on hand and tried to find a way to turn things to his advantage. As long as Kaidan was safe, Shepard could do what he had to do to stop the Reapers from ever coming back. Whatever it took.


	26. Through Another Looking Glass

"That can't be true," Miranda whispered in a tight voice, "There can't be _more_ of them."

Kaidan was left in a similar position, stunned and struggling with the idea that there might be even more Reapers in dark space, that what they had faced so far was nothing more than the first waves of mechanical death and annihilation.

"What evidence substantiates the theory, Ward?" EDI spoke up from her position, seemingly the only being in the entire group that didn't seem to be affected by the news.

"The galactic extinction cycle of the Prothean Empire," it replied in its bland voice, "This process occurred over several centuries. During this time, destruction of the imminent threat was a priority and all resources were diverted to this task. And yet, they came on, relentlessly, their numbers appearing to grow with each passing year."

"So what you're saying is, there's really no proof?" Kaidan brought up.

"Numerical evidence and physical testimony are lacking," Ward agreed, "But theoretical extrapolations suggest other means for the Reapers overwhelming presence over millions of years."

"It would make sense, Major Alenko," EDI replied as she turned to address him, "It is the most efficient strategy. Should anything occur outside the realm of possibility, there is still the chance for the Reapers to recoup their losses and continue with their mission."

"Like a test," James grumbled, "If you can wipe them out with the first wave, then that's all good no? If you can't you have back up, and you send in more and more until you get the job done."

"It would appear so," EDI said with a nod to the young marine's direction. "As I said, it is a very efficient strategy."

"But then why aren't they here now?" Miranda pressed. "If the original Reapers were taken out months ago, surely they would have realized and begun the next attack. Giving us time to recover from our losses doesn't seem particularly efficient."

"I have several theories regarding the disposition of the Reaper fleet," EDI offered hesitantly, "I would be willing to discuss these, in order to confirm which would seem the most plausible."

Kaidan was about to ask EDI to share her thoughts immediately when he saw Steve and Wrex hurrying up the cargo bay ramp out of the corner of his eye. He turned to them and excused himself, taking quick steps along toward the odd pair as EDI and the others fell into a closed discussion, every now and then turning to offer the Prothean VI a question regarding some piece of obscure information.

"Steve. Wrex," Kaidan called as he drew nearer to them, "Anything?"

Steve began a slow shake of his head as Wrex stepped forward and gave his answer. "No sign of Shepard. Asked around, but nobody's seen him leave the ship. There were some patrols around the area, but other than a few scampering pyjaks, nothing."

"Not exactly nothing," Steve butted in softly, moving off to the side, "One of the early morning patrols saw the Kodiak leave."

Kaidan's heart hammered away madly. "Why wasn't it reported?"

Wrex snorted a rueful sound. "This is a port, Kaidan. Well, not much of one, but it will be. The amount of resources we've diverted to this place means that there are ships coming and going regularly at funny times. A small shuttle wouldn't have been taken noticed off too much."

"Not to mention this patrol saw the Kodiak leave during the early evening hours, only to return several hours later." There was a hint of a question in Steve's tone and Kaidan put it aside for now, not wanting to detail his less-than-stealthy mission in his attempt to locate the main Rachni Hive.

"I guess they thought it was something to do with this ship, the Normandy," Wrex said a little defensively, "Maybe some fly scout going for some scans out in the desert or something. It's not their fault."

Kaidan sighed in assent. "No, it's not their fault."

Steve cocked his head over to the small group surrounding the beacon and the clear shape of the Prothean VI standing, glowing a luminescent green in the shadows. "What went on here, Kaidan? Did you guys start without us?"

"There's... a lot going on." Kaidan cast a quick look behind him and leaned forward to speak softly to Wrex and Steve. "I spoke to Hackett while you were out searching for information. We believe that Shepard's been abducted by Reaper agents."

Steve's face went a little pale while Wrex began to blink very rapidly at the news.

"Wait, how can we be so sure that-" Steve started but Kaidan cut him off.

"That tube we found? It was a paralytic. Some kind of alien tranquilizer. I was going to ask EDI to ask Doctor Chang to test the syringe for Shepard's DNA, but I think it's safe to say it was used on him." Kaidan ached to scrub a tired hand over his face, but denied the impulse.

"And you know it's the Reapers because..." Wrex argued stubbornly.

"Because," Kaidan said, just a little of his exasperation pouring out, "When we activated the beacon, the VI there, Ward, he, um, it managed to scan the ship. Found traces of Reaper indoctrination... residue... in the cargo bay and in the medical lab. My guess is, its from whatever sleeper agent was waiting here, and its imprint that it left on the tube."

Wrex swore in a buzzing rumble that didn't manage to go through Kaidan's translator, and from the look of pure disgust and hate on the krogan's face, maybe that was for the best.

"What do we do?" Steve whispered in a dead-pan voice, "How do we fight more of them after everything we've done so far? Now that they have Shepard?"

Kaidan mulled over the thought briefly, unwilling to give in to the gnawing pit growing inside him. "We fight, Steve. Like we've always done. Like Shepard taught us to. Is there any way that we can track the Kodiak? Some kind of beacon or tracking module?"

Steve nodded once. "All Alliance vessels have implanted tracking nodes to prevent theft and transfer to other non-military groups. I can bring it up, but don't you think they would have thought of that?"

This time Kaidan did scrub his hands through his face, revelling in the brief warmth that his fingertips pressed into his slightly clammy skin. He had some suspicions but he didn't want to say more, didn't want everyone to think that they were facing terrible odds. "Something tells me that they want us to come find them."

Wrex grunted at the statement. "Now why the hell would they go through all that and want us to-"

"Yo, Major!" James broke in, waving the three of them over, "I think you're gonna wanna hear this."

They hurried over to the small group, the other crew members already dispersing now that their tasks were done and that the beacon was running fully. Miranda, James and even EDI were looking particularly grim and they seemed to all be lost in their own thoughts as they broke through the small circle.

"What is it?" Kaidan asked without hesitation.

"I have been considering several simultaneous developments during the course of the discussion with the Prothean VI," EDI began, "One that shows the highest number of consistent values over probability indicates that there is still a Reaper presence in our galaxy, albeit a singular one, or a very small one."

"Then why haven't they attacked?" Kaidan blurted, "With the way things are now, even a handful of Reapers could do a lot of damage to us."

"That is precisely the issue, Major Alenko," EDI countered, "They do not wish to 'do damage' to us as you say. Their goals are the complete extinction of all sentient life that threatens to develop past a certain technological marker. If such a small group remains, it would be highly inefficient to risk continuing their mission without further support and the surety of success."

"Meaning..." Kaidan clarified, not really sure where EDI was taking this. One was already bad enough and the idea that there were probably more, waiting and scattered throughout the galaxy...

"This means that they must have a means of communicating with the rest of their fleet in dark space," EDI finished quietly. "Whatever Reapers remain, they would be turning all of their resources to sending out a signal that would draw in the next wave."

"So if we can find them, stop them, we stop the extinction cycle?" Kaidan confirmed.

"So far as we know, that is the most logical solution," EDI said with a brief cock of her head.

"Alright," Kaidan said, pushing some strength into his tone, "Do we know what they want with Shepard?"

"It is only theory," EDI began again, hesitant, "But I believe that no other singular being has done as much damage to Reapers as he has. He could be seen as a biological anomaly that the Reapers wish to study or claim as one of their own."

"That's not going to happen," Kaidan growled, "EDI, I was just discussing with Steve... Do we have a way to track down the Kodiak? If they've flown off in it, will you still be able to track it outside the system?"

"I believe so," EDI said as she brought up her omni-tool, "To my knowledge, the signal should not be able to be perceived outside of a system. However, with the developments that we achieved during the War, I took the liberty to attempt certain upgrades to our communicative devices in order to improve efficiency."

"EDI..." Kaidan huffed warningly, not wanting to be subjected to a lengthy explanation.

"Quantum technology is still largely untested in a larger scale," EDI continued, seemingly ignoring his warning tone, "I attempted to divert some of our resources into incorporating minor quantum adjustments to our sensors to link us to valuable resources within the ship."

"So you can use Quantum Entanglement Theory to connect to the Kodiak from here?" Steve asked, sounding just a little awed in his voice.

"Essentially, no," EDI replied as her fingers darted in a silvery gleam across the console along her arm, "However, the communication buoys offer us an insight. I can redirect my beam range towards these hubs and attempt to connect to the system that appears to-"

"EDI!" Kaidan snapped, "We don't have time for that. If you can do it, just do it. Start with the nearest systems, they can't have gotten far."

"The Kodiak isn't an FTL vehicle, Kaidan," Steve offered, "It can't pass through the relays. It would have had to have met up with a Reaper ship that was nearby if it jumped to another system."

Kaidan nodded, indicating he'd considered that. "Yeah, I guessed as much. Still, makes sense to search the nearest systems first." He turned to EDI and directed his question at her. "How long EDI?"

The briefest of pauses. EDI turned and lowered her omni-tool, striking him with a gaze that he wasn't entirely too sure about.

"I have located the Kodiak," EDI said softly.

*

"Why Ash?" Shepard whispered as the monstrous woman wearing his friend's face pulled more restraints over his scabbed skin, "Why are you doing this? Why me?"

Ash snorted as she tightened the metallic weave over his wrists and looped them up around his arms. "What's the matter, Skipper? Broken already? You certainly sound like it."

"What are you planning to do with me?" Shepard asked softly, ignoring the bite of metal around his injured skin.

"I'm not planning on doing anything to you," Ash replied with mock joviality, "Not yet at least."

"How did you manage to survive the Catalyst blast?" Shepard continued along with another question.

"You just don't know when to shut-up do you?" Ash flared. Pulling the last of his bindings tight, she pulled out several tubes of the stuff that she'd injected earlier into Shepard's jaw. He struggled when he recognized them, tried to pull away from them as she moved quickly, but it was no use, not with every part of his body pinned down the way it was. Sudden numbness began to spread throughout his face, his arms, his legs. A cool wave of nothing raced up his torso and settled on him like a blanket, stealing away the throbbing pain all over his body, but at the same time leaving him as limp as a dead fish. He didn't know whether to be relieved or frustrated.

"Better," Ash said as she tossed away the last of the empty canisters. She moved several pieces of machinery closer to him, prepping an IV and other invasive... things... that he couldn't even begin to imagine, and decided to feel grateful that he wasn't feeling what they were doing against his damaged skin. His tongue lolled clumsily along the inside of one cheek. "I warned you, Shepard. That should shut you up for an hour or so."

Shepard was beginning to feel drowsy from whatever it was that Ash had pumped into him and he wondered if he would die from an overdose, and deny the Reapers the final victory. That would have been nice, he thought deliriously.

"You'll find out in due time Skipper," Ash said as she finished the last of what she was doing and reached up to scrape her glove against the peeled skin on his face.

Shepard managed a faint gurgle, unable to do more than blink.

"Sometimes," Ash whispered into his ear, "The best place to hide in a brilliant sky, is just beside the sun."

Dark lines of her hair whipped past his view as she disappeared, moving away from him and outside of the room where he lay like a coma patient. With every last avenue of rebellion removed from him, Shepard did the only thing he could think to do. He turned inward, searching for the knot in his mind, and thought about Kaidan, pushing out his warning and hoping that it would reach out beyond the boundaries of space.

*

"What the hell EDI?" Kaidan blurted out. "You've found it? Already?"

"Actually, I began my search since we realized that the Kodiak had been removed from the Normandy," EDI intoned, quietly pleased with herself, "I had reached the same conclusion, and was scanning the nearest systems. I believe that I have located the Kodiak."

"Where is it?" Steve asked eagerly, hopping forward a step.

EDI paused briefly, seeming unsure about whether she wanted to let the information be known to them.

"My sensors indicate the highest connectivity between my sensors and that of the Kodiak," she said instead, "I assure you, the modifications that I implemented have a direct link to the Kodiak. No other system should be able to-"

"EDI..." Kaidan growled, and this time the warning must have gone through because she shifted slightly before saying in a quiet voice.

"Local Cluster, Sol System."

"Sol System?" Steve blurted, eyes widening. "That's-"

"Yes," EDI confirmed, "The Kodiak is located within the human galactic system. And so are the remnants of the Reaper vanguard."

" _Dios mio_ ," James blurted out, "Those... those _things_ are back home? In _our_ system?"

"I am unable to triangulate further," EDI said seemingly apologetic, "It would require us to enter the Sol System before I can attempt to locate the shuttle."

"Let's go," Kaidan snapped immediately, "We don't have time to waste." God only knew what those things were doing to Shepard while they sat and talked, "We need to take everything that we can get. I'll speak to Hackett, get him on the comm EDI. Miranda, I need you and Wrex to-"

"Alenko... Kaidan," came Miranda's quiet response and the imploring note in her voice set him on edge. "Kaidan, we... we can't join you."

"What?" Kaidan blurted out stupidly, forgetting about everything but the woman before him and Wrex who appeared torn between shifting his feet and looking defiant.

"I'm sorry," Miranda said simply, "But Wrex and I... We've got to stay here. On Tuchanka."

Fury wash out his world as Wrex nodded as well, indicating he was staying, and Kaidan took a menacing step toward them. "You're telling me, you want to stay here and build up your port while John is in the hands of Reapers? While they're doing god only knows what to him?"

"There are other pressing matters that..." Miranda tried to inject some heat into her voice, but it was nothing compared to the inferno that raged within Kaidan.

"No," Kaidan said with finality, "No, I get it. John's just a tool, like every other. Use him, throw him away when he's done. After everything that he's done, everything that he stood for, now you're just going to leave him to suffer at the hands of the Reapers? After everything that he did for _you_?"

Wrex stood up taller, taking a step forward to counter Kaidan's anger, "Now you listen here you pup, I-"

"You know," Kaidan broke in, tone dripping acid, "I kinda expected that from her. But not you Wrex. Even after John saved her sister, I couldn't find myself disappointed to know she'd do this. But you. He saved your entire _people_. Because of John, you have a future. And building your port takes priority over that?"

Wrex look like someone had reached under his armour and gutted him, but Miranda raised a careful hand and placed it firmly on Wrex's shoulder pad, turning the krogan to look at her. They shared a long gaze and Miranda shook her head briefly, earning a faint grimace from Wrex, and turned to address Kaidan, still fuming where he stood.

"I'm sorry, Major Alenko," Miranda said in dull, professional tones. "We wish you all the best." And just like that, the icy veneer snapped up, frosting over her expression, and Miranda and Wrex turned and walked toward the cargo bay doors without another word.

Kaidan felt the heat pouring over him, sluicing through his skin and searing him, but as much as he wanted to run toward them and convince them, force them to see the truth of his words and lash out with even more verbal fists, he didn't have the time to spare. Let them all stay away then, Kaidan though bitterly. If there was nothing but him in his civvies against the whole Reaper vanguard, he'd still rush in for Shepard.

"EDI," Kaidan said as the frustration and pain of betrayal burned in his throat, "We need to leave. We need to go and save John."

Turning away without looking back at the retreating forms of the two people he thought were his friends, that he thought he could rely on, he stepped up to the elevator and headed to the cockpit, wrapped up and weighed down in his isolation.

*

"I'm sorry, Major Alenko," Hackett snapped with finality, "But that's all there is to it."

"But sir, if we could-"

"No." And that one word clove through the air like a blade. "We can't make those kinds of assumptions. While I agree that ignoring the Reapers could prove disastrous in the long run, we don't have the solid evidence that we need to convince anyone else. While they build up their forces, we have a chance to build up ours. I have confidence that we can outrace them."

"Sir," Kaidan implored trying to get a word in edgewise, "You don't understand, there are _more_. Much more. And we don't even know what-"

"Exactly," Hackett interrupted, bearing down on him. "We _don't_ know. Not for sure. I can't risk Earth's safety to rescue _one_ man, no matter who he is. You understand this, don't you? Shepard would understand as well, I'm sure. _We_ need to be sure."

Kaidan kept his lips in a tight light so Hackett would get to see his teeth, clenched hard against one another. "Sir, we have reason to believe that-"

"Enough!" Hackett spoke in a deep commanding tone, not a shout, but his military instincts kicked in and before he knew it, Kaidan was ramrod straight, back stiffening as his body automatically went to attention. "Now, Major Alenko. We have larger issues to consider here. I understand what Shepard means to you. I know that this is difficult for you. But you have to get more information before I can bring this before what's left of the brass and get them to lend you their support. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir," Kaidan snapped out, voice carefully neutral though he seethed inside.

Hackett paused for a moment, almost as if to give him the chance to rebut the Admiral's words, but Kaidan was silent. "Get me more information and I'll see what I can do," Hackett repeated. "Hackett out."

Kaidan held his breath in as the holographic projection twisted, dissipated and then winked out. Letting out that breath, he turned and slammed his fist against the side of the QEC's hull, feeling tickling energy coursing along his skin. Damn but he was tired. He braced himself and slammed his fists into the wall again, not caring as the sparks shot out along from his biotic display and jagged through the air before disappearing. He felt strangely relieved at letting out his frustrations in that way, but at the same time, he also felt slightly hollow inside, like guilt was gnawing on him for taking out his anger on an inanimate object.

Collecting himself, Kaidan threw himself out of the QEC and stalked menacingly toward the fore of the ship, ignoring the whispers and stares that were being directed at him.

Damn Hackett for his adherence to military strictness. The thought was alien and intrusive, something that Kaidan had never considered or felt before, like there was someone else living under his skin and digging through his mind. His steps slowed and then quickened as he worked through his frustrations internally. Perhaps that was the problem, someone _was_ living inside him, nestled in a tiny corner of his brain and Kaidan wondered absently if some of Shepard's recklessness was bleeding through and influencing him. He should have asked the Queen, but he had been otherwise preoccupied with saving Shepard to have considered.

Like muscle memory, he sought out that small orb within himself and braced against it, trying to pick at the jumbled emotions that shone through, like peering through the cracks of a slatted fence.

Disgust. Anger. Fear. Hope. Pain.

It was a jumbling mix, coming in no possible method or pattern, and it took him long seconds just to extricate the individual paths that he was feeling and place a name to them. There didn't seem to be any difference in magnitude between the different emotions that Shepard was feeling, but having all those there together like that was already disconcerting enough, and perhaps that was another reason why Kaidan was so desperately trying to bring the combined might of the galaxy to bear in order to get to Shepard.

His feet bumped along the short stair that led to the cock pit, startling him out of his brooding and forcing him to pay attention as to where he was placing his feet. Looking up, his haunted, deep-set grimace sent an Ensign and a Corporal that he didn't know too well scampering away into their recesses along the sides of the walk that led to the cock pit. Kaidan forced deep, calming breaths through himself as he got closer, trying to centre and focus himself, but finding that over the last few months, finding the calm that he had always found so easily before, was becoming an increasingly onerous task.

"EDI" Kaidan snapped out as soon as his foot crossed the threshold, "Did you manage to get them?"

Joker yelped and jumped slightly in his padded pilot's chair, swinging the device around suddenly to gift Kaidan with an exasperated glare.

"Jeez, Kaidan," Joker pulled out, "Don't _do_ that. I could've shattered my hip just landing on the armrest."

"Thought it had more padding than that," Kaidan replied absently, in no mood for Joker's humour at this point, but unable to help himself with the natural response.

"Yeah well, if it were made out of cotton, I might've cracked a femur. At least at this rate I'll know it's a clean break rather than some bone shards digging into my ass." Joker gave him a look that dared him to continue along that line of thought but he shrugged it off as he turned an intent stare at EDI, who was still swiping her hands through the secondary controls like it truly mattered that she needed physical contact with her own interface.

"EDI?" Kaidan prompted again.

"I'm sorry, Major Alenko," EDI said almost primly, "Contact cannot be established. There is some difficulty in connecting to their respective channels via the comm buoys."

"Keep trying. Please." Kaidan twisted the fabric of his uniform roughly over one of his scarred hands, the tightening band of fabric reminding him of the tightening around him, of the lack of options that was steadily becoming much more obvious.

"I will try," EDI said a little dubiously, "Though I cannot guarantee any response."

"What's this about, Kaidan?" Joker nudged his way into the conversation. "Who're we calling? International ass kicking service? Galactic Reaper Destroyers?"

Kaidan huffed a tired sigh at that, neither a laugh nor an expression of frustration. Perhaps a little bit of both. "Something like that," Kaidan finally relented, "I'm trying to get my head around everything that's been happening. It's... it's just, well, I can't believe everyone throwing Shepard away like this. There's got to be _someone_ out there who'll listen. And help. We're gonna need all the help we can get."

Joker snorted as he swivelled his chair back around. "So what? You're just gonna call 'em up like some emergency hotline and hope that they come running? I mean, yeah, I'm all for that, but we're gonna have to be waiting for them to show up? Does Shepard even have that long?"

"Jeff is correct, Major Alenko," EDI promptly included, "There is no way to gauge their responses. Coupled with their burgeoning responsibilities, there is a high chance that we may reach Shepard too late to save him."

"Well," Kaidan snapped, the thin veneer of control already breaking away after such a slight prod, "What else have we got to do? What other choice do we have? We can stall, wait for Alliance brass to get their asses moving, while the galaxy gathers its strength? And John, he'll... He'll be suffering, going through god-only-knows what the Reapers are doing to him right now. For all we know it'll be too late to stop them, no matter who we get. And then... and then it'll be the end all over again. Another Reaper extinction."

His breathing was ragged from his outburst, short, deep gasps barely audible but vibrating through his lungs as EDI and Joker fell silent at his vented frustration.

"I... I'm sorry," Kaidan pushed out, still teetering on the edge, "I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to..."

"It is understandable, Major," EDI said calmly, finally cocking her head to look at him from the corner of her eye, "You are in an extremely difficult position. If it would ease your state of mind, I could calculate the probability of success using the differing data of our specified terms."

Joker snorted as he waved the apology away with his free hand. "You're supposed to calm him down, EDI, not make him run sobbing over to the cabin."

"There is no certainty that the data I can tabulate would indicate such an outcome, Jeff," EDI voiced back, something akin to warmth playing in her tone, "It is up to the Major after all."

"And I'm right here, you know," Kaidan finally huffed.

"I know," EDI said, the barest hint of a smile teasing up the sides of her metallic mouth. It was a demure, comforting gesture and Kaidan couldn't help but offer a shadow of a grin in return.

"Alright then," Kaidan said, wanting to get past the awkward emotions that were stuffing their way through the cock pit, "EDI, we need to get to the Sol System. As fast as possible. I'll prep the crew, weapons, armour. As soon as we arrive, I need you to do a sweep of the system. We need to find that Kodiak and wherever it is that Reaper is hiding."

"I understand," EDI complied as Joker whispered, "Bossy."

On a sudden impulse, Kaidan reached out a finger and playfully flicked Joker's ear, causing the pilot to yelp and clap a hand onto said body part, turning a wide-eyed gaze of disbelief at Kaidan who was finally offering up a tight-lipped smile. Without another word, Kaidan turned on his heel and left a spluttering Joker in his wake as he made his way down to the armoury so that he could prepare for the mission, a mission that he refused to acknowledge as suicidal, but somehow the idea wound its way through him and he couldn't shake off the fact that this might be the last mission that he'd be going on. He just hoped that he didn't bring anyone down with him.

*

The tiny screw was beginning to grow and swell in his field of view as he forced nerveless fingers to pinch the damn thing and go into the stupid hole. Frustration and exhaustion were making him less co-ordinated than usual, but he stubbornly refused to put the rifle part down, refused to just rest his eyes for just a few minutes. The screw scratched annoyingly against the side of the opening and he almost flicked the offending piece over into the darkness against a pack of crates, catching himself before realizing he'd have to head up and wake Steve to get at the box of spare parts that the man kept locked away. Considering how James and Steve were sharing Liara's old room, he didn't really relish the idea of walking in on the two cuddling in that way, not when his side ached for a warm body of his own. So instead, he fortified his nerves, drowned his anger and placed the screw roughly onto the workbench.

Reaching out to the side automatically, Kaidan swiped at the glass that balanced precariously over the edge and downed the rest of the contents inside, feeling a burning relief shoot through his throat and flush his skin, warming him along its way down and spreading that heat over to his limbs. He pulled the glass away from his mouth and started in disappointment at the last drop of amber liquid as it quivered before flicking itself off, flying through the air and wasting itself on the metal floor. He frowned at the splatter, barely visibly through his bleary eyes, and seemed to take personal offense at its escape. He soon forgot about it as he pulled the rest of the whiskey closer to himself and topped up the empty glass, feeling pleased when it didn't slosh out as the previous glass had done. Or was it the one before that.

He sniffed at the clear, golden syrup, lazily inhaling the scent of wood, pine and a little muskiness that always made him think of Shepard. Jefferson's, 2160. Taking another swallow, he savoured the stinging burn as it swirled around his mouth, almost becoming unbearable, before he swallowed that delicious warmth again, shaking his head slightly just so that he could focus on the pooling heat as it swelled within him. He raised the newly emptied glass up to inhale the soft, tantalizing vapours that left the slick surface, breathing in the heady aroma of comfort and warmth. Just like Shepard.

Placing the glass at the side bench regretfully, and almost toppling it over like he'd done to the second glass, Kaidan picked up another piece of the rifle he was working on, an attachment for Shepard's Black Widow. He'd spent enough time around the man to know how he cared for his most precious armament, and wasn't it a wonder that a Vanguard, frontline maniacs, had decided to carry around one of the most powerful weapons that should have rightfully belonged to a class that was so opposite. Kaidan shook his head as the thoughts jumbled through him in random lines, feeling the brief surge of heaviness as the alcohol blurred the lines around him and the sharp, rough shapes, making them appear pleasant and soft. That was Shepard alright, a Vanguard who carried a sniper rifle, like an adorable idiot. Problem was, he was devastating with the mixed, eclectic fighting style, able to keep foes away and remove their threat from a distance. While odd, it was extremely synchronous, and once again Kaidan felt familiar thoughts about Shepard cascade sadly through him. Dammit, but he had thought that they had reached the end. But they hadn't. So Shepard needed the best with him. His best tools, and his best friends, Kaidan thought bitterly to himself.

The mod tumbled from his nerveless fingers and he swung out a hand briefly trying to catch the slippery thing, but it seemed to toss itself through the air, bucking away from his grasp and left him wind-milling his arms in an attempt to catch the stupid device. Too late, he thought, as it clattered to the floor, and the pleasant haze was already starting to retreat from him. It was a problem with biotics, especially the strong ones with a higher metabolism; alcohol was sometimes as good as water when it came to intoxication and it left some dangerous consequences as the liver tried to process the poison in less time than a biotic could drink it. Still, sometimes, getting drunk was very rewarding. He bent over, feeling the pants along his thighs stretch uncomfortably as he reach down to snag the miniscule piece of metal.

"A little late to be drinking, Kaidan?" came a deep, melodious voice.

Kaidan actually coughed out a startled shout. It was definitely a shout, Kaidan told himself, manly and strong, not a girly, high-pitched squeal at all. However as he turned to look at the sudden presence next to him, he forgot to take into account the fact that the weapons bench was directly above his head, resulting in a crash that almost blacked him out and sent even more tiny pieces shooting through the air.

Steve chuckled gruffly as he pulled Kaidan out from under the restraining surface, steadying him while Steve led him over to sit on a stack of low-lying crates, softly rubbing along the back of his head where he assumed Kaidan had carelessly smashed himself into.

"Not drinking," Kaidan muttered, "'Modding John's rifle."

Steve turned and looked at the tumbled pieces of metal and devices that looked like a miniature storm had picked them up and strewn them across the table like blades of grass. He offered another chuckle as he pulled Kaidan up.

"Yeah, I can see that." Steve looked at him too intently, a thickly veiled question hidden among the words, but Kaidan had more than a little difficulty picking up on it, not to mention standing. He settled for leaning some of his weight onto Steve's form, which was wrapped up in what appeared to be a body hugging t-shirt and a pair of running shorts.

"What're you wearing?" Kaidan blurted as soon as the neon shorts caught his eye, shock and morbid fascination loosening his tongue.

Steve cast a questioning glance down at himself, as if only just noticing that he was wearing something that could draw the Reapers in from dark space just by shining a light onto the material. "What I always wear when I'm off duty?"

"So bright," Kaidan whispered, stumbling slightly as he tried to pull himself away from the garish colour.

Steve's eyes compressed slightly as he brushed off Kaidan's unintended question about his non-military fashion sense, though a hearty smile played on his lips. "I think, you've had a little too much to drink. Let's get you up to the cabin."

"Can't," Kaidan murmured thickly, "John's Black Widow..."

"Will be there in the morning cycle," Steve broke in smoothly, "C'mon. I've got an angsty Hispanic who apparently needs me to fall asleep." Steve suddenly reigned himself in, almost realizing too late that he'd just touched upon a subject that sent sharp tugs down through Kaidan's chest.

Kaidan felt a surge of envy at the obvious care in Steve's voice before he had hushed himself up and Kaidan couldn't help but wish for that tiny amount of normalcy for himself and Shepard. Everything about them wasn't normal, from their unusual backgrounds, shady past, their relationship budding in the middle of _three_ wars. It was a little insane, like some overly dramatic space opera, and Kaidan could only hover there at the edge, and watch as the people and friends around him seemed to pull comfort together with an ease that he burned to have.

"I'm sorry," Steve ventured quietly, "I wasn't thinking and it-"

"No," Kaidan muttered as he tossed his head left and right and felt the world tilt pleasantly with him, "Don't be sorry I-- I just... I miss him Steve. I just want... I don't know-- what to do... I-- I just want to be with him, Steve. I just want... him."

"I understand," Steve replied smoothly as he tried to soothe Kaidan's anguish.

"Do you?" Kaidan muttered bitterly, "You know, I always wanted... I met Shepard during our run against Saren and the Geth. He died. Tried to move on. Two years, it just wasn't enough. And then, then he came back. Cerberus puppet, I called him. I... I couldn't see past my own hurt, so I tried to hurt him in return. Tried to make him feel what I felt for two years. Then the Reapers came, I couldn't even..." Kaidan swallowed the building self-pity and sadness that was lapping its way up his chest. "I envy you, you know. What you had. What you have. I always wanted that kind of normal life." Kaidan continued to rant, not noticing that a frosty patina had spread and evaporated over Steve's friendly features.

Steve cocked an eyebrow slightly, face still smooth and kind, but there was a bite to his next words that even Kaidan could feel through his deadened senses. "Envy me? Normal life? Well, I suppose having your husband killed by Collectors at the edges of Terminus space isn't exactly normal, nor is falling in love with a young marine just building up his career in the Alliance Military while you fly shuttles into warzones and battlefields. But I suppose its pretty normal when you put it that way."

Shame exploded across Kaidan's cheeks, heating his skin as the flush added to the one placed there by the whiskey and he swallowed his bitterness. "Steve. I--"

Steve shook his head adamantly; he knew this wasn't the time for Kaidan to voice out his drunken, broken thoughts. It would probably leave things more than a little awkward for them, not to mention the possibility of some disastrous exchanges that could ruin their friendship, and Kaidan needed to know that Steve would always be there to lend a listening ear and a helpful shoulder. Just not when he was like this, when he couldn't map himself as the troubles were ticked off one at a time. It was something he had learnt, a harsh lesson, after Robert's death, and Steve wouldn't allow Kaidan to suffer the same lesson, especially since he could teach him without the consequences.

"C'mon" Steve repeated, hauling Kaidan up with surprising strength, "You need some sleep. I think you've been awake for more than twenty four hours, and the alcohol isn't going to help you finish up what you started. Let's talk more tomorrow, when I've had more sleep and you're sober. Okay?" Steve injected a slightly stronger sense of command into his voice at the last word and Kaidan couldn't help but wince as his head nodded in confirmation all on its own.

"Okay," Kaidan whispered, stumbling together with Steve as they made their way to the elevator doors. "You're a good friend, Steve. I'm sorry. Good friend." Steve chuckled at the slightly chastised sound of Kaidan's voice and the absolute exhaustion that wrapped around the words, already forgiving the man his pain as Steve tugged him along.

"I miss him Steve," Kaidan murmured softly against him. "I miss him and... and I just want him back. I want him back."

"We all do, Kaidan," Steve said genuinely, focused on getting them up to the cabin. "We all do."

Despite the haze that was still wrapped around most of his thoughts, Kaidan knew that he wouldn't be surprised if he came down after his sleep, the following cycle, to find the whiskey tucked neatly away into the mess and the rifle perfectly re-fitted and waiting for Kaidan to bring it home to Shepard. Steve was just that kind of guy, and he was touched in the head to have thought that Steve didn't understand. He of all of them, understood. Kaidan smiled at the thought as the doors closed and the alcohol continued to lift him up on a cushiony cloud, straight into the Captain's Cabin and into the welcoming embrace of a bed that might not contain Shepard, but at least could fill his presence for a short while longer.

*

A ping sounded softly in the Normandy's cockpit and EDI's mobile platform seemed to be in silent contemplation. The gynoid's eyes were closed in apparent rest and its limbs were crossed demurely across its chest, legs folded neatly and ready to spring into action at a moments notice. A few more seconds and another series of pings sounded softly in the enclosed space, seemingly keyed to EDI's body as the sounds washed over the metal skin and seemed to wake the platform up with just the tinkling noise alone.

EDI carefully pulled up the console in front of her, not needing to stretch or adjust herself as biological creatures did. She suffered no post-sleep lethargy, no confused tangle of thoughts, and efficiently cycled through the ship's visual monitors, sharply detecting even the barest hint of movement or sound that wasn't a part of the ship's push forward toward the Krogan DMZ Relay.

Silence. Perfect.

After patiently settling herself in to wait a few more minutes, just at the edge of the Mass Relay that loomed before them, EDI ran a delicate looking hand that was harder and stronger than spun steel, smoothly across the console and activated an obscure program within the system that nobody knew about. It was something that she had installed herself, all those months ago during the war, and while there seemed to lack a specific purpose at the time, now seemed the right time to employ it. After all, she had been reminded about the system and its use and now, just as she'd been doing every night for the last few months as they jumped across the galaxy, EDI activated the protocol, setting it to a constant stream. Like every night before, she ran through a series of complex instructions, shielding the system and ordering a completely untraceable shutdown routine that would automatically trigger and erase any form of her actions. And then she would do it all over again, the following night, and every night after, as long as it took. Like she had been doing every night since _that_ time.

Pleased with her work as only she could be, EDI brushed past the console and terminated the display, silently sending herself back into voluntary de-activation, the barest smiles forming on her lips as the Normandy shot through toward the relay, sending out a series of invisible radar pings in its wake, spreading out in an unseen halo and registering its presence.


	27. Old Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wonderful, wonderful reader of mine has done a drawing for one of the scenes in a chapter that my work inspired. That is ridiculously awesome and I never, in my wildest imagination, thought that anything that I write would inspire others. It is an amazing feeling and the tone, mood and details of the drawing done are just so perfect. I couldn't have asked for more honestly.
> 
> So this is a shout out to Meena, and the wonderful drawing here that the artist did. I am very thankful and very grateful for your work. If you all have a little bit of time, please go and take a look. I think it fits the scene like a glove. Or omni-tool. :D
> 
>  
> 
> [Meena's Lair](http://meenas-lair.deviantart.com/art/I-will-suffer-in-Hell-so-he-can-be-save-in-Heaven-403578577?ga_submit_new=10%253A1380468774&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1)

"Anything?" Kaidan repeated tiredly, not bothering to turn to EDI again as the question slipped through his lips for the fourth time in less than thirty minutes.

EDI flicked a hand through the tumbling data streams for a moment before she repeated in the exact same tone, with the exact same words. "No, Major. Not yet."

Kaidan breathed an exasperated breath, running fingers through his prickled scalp and parting the hair on the top of his head in all the wrong ways. He'd fix that as soon as he knew whether they'd found what they were looking for.

It had been less than an hour since they had cleared the Charon Relay and Kaidan had already been up, working through and pacing with nervous energy that seemed to frizzle and spark out of his skin. He had been pleasantly surprised to discover that he didn't suffer a single iota of hangover sickness after the copious amounts of alcohol that he had ingested before entering the Sol System and with the way things stood, he was grateful that he wouldn't be distracted by a nauseous stomach and a throbbing head. He had enough to consider without having things like _that_ added to his already discomforting unease.

Since clearing the relay, EDI had been methodically using all of the Normandy's vast array of scanners in order to detect the signal that had been coming from the Kodiak. While the initial Quantum Locator allowed for the signal to be bounced through a comm buoy and received in any other system, it was still an experimental system, and EDI was unapologetic with the fact that the device could make a call between worlds but still required 'less modern' means of tracking. So her arsenal was employed, passive, active, visual, thermographic and even her LADAR systems were on maximum output and primed for even the smallest whiff of the Kodiak's location. But such systems relied heavily on proximity, EDI had stated, so like they had always done, they were left to painstakingly sweep through the Sol System and her planets.

"You're gonna wear through my ship at this rate, Kaidan," Joker said lightly as Kaidan continued to move about in the cock-pit. He knew that his being there wouldn't have sped up the process, might have even hindered it, but he couldn't be any where else.

Since clearing the relay, another uncomfortable responsibility had been placed on his lap, at it had chewed through him and wrung him with its importance. With the way things had stood after the end of the War, the Charon Relay was even more painstakingly maintained and scrutinized for even the smallest disturbances and despite the Normandy's almost-divine stealth system, surely the headquarters on Earth was receiving a blaring note that stated the Normandy's return to the system. In a pre-emptive strike, Kaidan had shut down the QEC in order to prevent Hackett from reaching out to them, and though he desperately needed the greater manpower and firepower that could be drawn from the Alliance, Hackett's warning and instructions were still fresh in his mind. Wait. Watch. And _then_ respond. And it would be too late.

He was flirting with court martial at this rate but he refused to let himself sink into that mire, would deal with the consequences when they came. All that he had to focus on now was on finding Shepard and getting him the hell out of whatever Reaper infested nest he'd been brought to.

A pinging sound from EDI's console had him immediately up on points and he turned so fast toward her that he almost smashed into Joker's chair, barely catching himself before he killed his only, and best, pilot.

"EDI, is that-" Kaidan barked out immediately but EDI forestalled him as she casually replied in the negative.

"It is not the Kodiak, Major Alenko." EDI said in an almost contemplative tone. "Just one of the scanners registering a pool of palladium on a meteorite that we have just passed."

"Can't believe your Quantum Locator can bring us to the Kodiak from anywhere in the galaxy but can't find it once we get into the system," Kaidan groused, repeating what he'd first said when EDI came up with her explanation before.

"Hey now, Major," Joker rose to defend his co-pilot, "At least she brought us here. You know I could almost-"

"It is alright, Jeff," EDI broke in calmly, "I understand your frustration Major. But Quantum Technology is still vastly unexplored. Added to the fact that my... Quantum Locator is also experimental and created with the materials that I had on hand, I hadn't considered using it for a smaller purpose. The outputting of energy would be inefficient, not to mention it would render our stealth system almost non-functional if we were to broadcast on such a level. I had assumed that our primary capabilities still lie in our ability to move about undetected."

The same explanations, the same words. Kaidan had almost memorized the lines but rather than assuage him, he couldn't help but wonder if there really _was_ anything that could slip through EDI's calculated and extensive processing power.

"Wait," EDI suddenly called out as soon as he was about to dress down EDI's lack of foresight. "I believe I have found something..."

"The Kodiak?" It had to be, Kaidan thought forcefully, there couldn't be any other thing that would make EDI speak out like that.

The curled edges of her metallic face were beautiful in their simplicity and the smile seemed to wash him clean of doubt. "Yes. I have located the signal."

"Where?" came Kaidan's immediate reply.

EDI quieted as she swept through the streams of data at lightning speed, hands blurring through the air and even Joker seemed impressed by the speed at which she worked.

"The signal is... disrupted," EDI cautiously confirmed, "It appears to be coming from a... meteorite of sorts. It cannot be classified as a planet or a moon and I am picking up strange readings concerning its composition."

"What kind of readings?" Joker asked curiously as Kaidan repeated his question of "Where?"

"I am unsure. We do not have adequate information to identify the anomaly. The signal is originating from along one of the planetary orbit pathways, specifically that of Saturn." EDI looked a little confused at whatever it was that she was staring at, displayed on her console, but Kaidan had had enough of patience and waiting. The time to act was now.

"Set a course," Kaidan said evenly, trying to keep the triumphant note out of his voice. "Let's go get John."

"Aye, aye, Major," was all that he got and with barely a shift in his perceptions, the Normandy sped through the twilight darkness toward their destination and the unknown that waited for them there.

*

"Is that it?" Kaidan asked in disbelief as he stared at the displays around the cockpit, ignoring the data analysis and just staring at the rendered meteorite.

To call it a meteorite would have been insulting, but referring to it as a moon would have been too generous. With their sense of perspective skewed, it was difficult to get an accurate picture in his mind of exactly how large the haphazard orb really was, but Kaidan guessed it wouldn't have been out of place to call it something similar to the Lunar moon that hovered over Earth, but perhaps a third of the size.

It seemed to be floating peacefully, neither rotating nor following any orbital pattern that would suggest that it had it's own path within the system. It was a jewel, dark and foreboding, and it hung along the raiment of the galaxy's night. Unlike Earth's moon however, the surface seemed... dark. Not as dark as space, nor the Reaper metal that they'd all become so familiar with, but it still seemed to blend in seamlessly around the edges, fading and appearing tantalizingly across its surface.

"Yes, the signal originates from this location." EDI poked a finger at the display, indicating a corner along the southern hemisphere of the orb, but their scanners weren't picking anything up in the area besides to familiar signature of the Kodiak. No structures, no life forms and no movement. It was like someone had dumped the Kodiak out in the middle of nowhere like so much rubbish and an itch along the back of his neck warned him that this was something more than what they thought.

It felt like a trap. And damn if he didn't want to just waltz right in and trigger the damn thing, as long as he survived to make it to Shepard.

"I've found it." EDI said suddenly, triumph laced through her voice.

"It's right there, EDI--"

"No, I was not referring to the Kodiak." EDI expanded what seemed to be a table of some sort, number and figures neatly lined in rows and columns for them to stare blankly at. "This information. I have managed to dissect the compositional structure of the meteorite."

"And..." Kaidan didn't really care but if even the tiniest amount of information could lead to some sort of advantage, he'd take it gladly.

"It is a... strange... mineral that we have not encountered before, or perhaps in trace elements too small to be significant," EDI brushed another set of data to play meaninglessly through the air. "It has properties that create a chemically sound structure, enabling it to be relatively inert while allowing it to absorb large amounts of energy. It also has the added effect of dispersing varying wavelengths across the spectrum, almost deflecting remaining energy that comes into contact with it."

"So what you're saying is..." Joker egged on and EDI had to take a moment before she could pull herself away from the fascinating results that she was continuously pulling.

"We will be unable to topographically map the surface, nor will we be able to use our sensors to map out the interior of any structure or subterranean channels," EDI summed up.

"So what you're saying," Kaidan clarified, "Is that we're basically going in blind?"

"That is a correct assessment," EDI confirmed, eyes gleaming.

"Wait, wait. Wait," EDI and Kaidan both turned to look at Joker, who had both of his hands up in the air as his face was scrunched in deep thought. "Subterranean channels, EDI? Why would you even think that there'd be anything underground?"

"There is nothing on the surface Jeff," EDI looked like she was dipping into her infinite well of patience, something that she always seemed to do when Joker was trying to ask her questions.

"And we know this because..." Joker asked, using his hands to imitate a gesture of elaboration.

With an immediate reply, EDI turned to the display and pulled up what looked to be a graphically chart in three-dimensions, though it seemed more along the lines of a random set of spikes and dips. "Without a complete render provided by the Normandy's LADAR or other systems, I have been forced to turn medieval. Our sonar capabilities still function and I am able to reflect the 'sound' off the meteorite's surface, composing a scale of sound reflections based off height on contact. It is a rudimentary system, and inefficient,  but it provides us with enough information to indicate that the surface's random generation connotes a ninety-seven point three percent chance that no artificial structures exist."

"'Ninety-seven point three percent chance'," Joker broke in, flapping away with his jaw in his usual sarcastic banter before he turned a rolled eye over to Kaidan. "Come on, Major. You can't seriously believe that they're underground? How do we even go through with this? It's gonna be suicide, and not the oh-we're-just-going-through-the-omega-four-relay kind either. If anything goes bad, you're not gonna be getting a pick up. We won't even know _when_ to pick you up. Not to mention with out LADAR down, EDI won't even be able to follow up on the ground team with you."

Omega-4 Relay. What a comparison, Kaidan thought grimly. True, this was in all eventuality a trap. And with the stakes raised against them as they were, there was almost no way for them to hold out. To push on. To succeed. Would he still be willing to take the risk? Would he be willing to put himself and the lives of the others on the line for the sake of a chance to rescue Shepard? And the fact that he'd almost glossed over, that without a direct connection to the Normandy, EDI wouldn't be able to accompany them for fear of losing her connection to the ship. That meant that he was severely limited in his choice of a ground team, and without the very best at his side, his chances of success and survival seemed astronomically small.

"EDI," Kaidan finally growled out, "Tell Steve and James to meet me in the cargo bay. Joker. Set us down on the signal and then wait for my call. We're going in. EDI, keep trying to place the comm."

"Aye aye, Major," Joker said in disbelief, turning to look at his bank of screens. "Crazy ass marines and their crazy as relationships."

"Of course Major," EDI chirped in right behind Joker's mutterings. "Though I cannot guarantee any success should we enter the meteorite's... atmosphere."

"Just do it," Kaidan almost growled out as he swivelled around and headed to the elevator.

He couldn't understand why EDI was being even more stubborn than usual. Perhaps there was something wrong with her systems after the Cleansing had wiped out what was left of her IFF codes or a host of other things that he didn't really want to think about. He couldn't be sure, and with the only expert on EDI's programming being EDI herself, it was an impossible line of question that would prove fruitless anyway. He'd have to check up on that. If he survived. But for now, something else took precedence within his mind, something warm and very familiar.

He hadn't wanted to tell Joker or EDI for fear that they would question his motives, question his sanity or the accuracy of his information. They would have wanted proof, would have wanted numbers to run and figures to see, but the surety in his mind wasn't something that could be thrown onto a screen and paraded around in front of disbelievers. So he stayed silent and brooding as the siren call in his head tugged him faintly, ever so faintly towards the meteor-slash-moon before them.

His bond was buzzing with activity, and like a positive eezo-particle clicking into a negative one, the brilliant bundle of emotions and thoughts were pointing _right at the damn rock_ in front of him, teasing and tugging him in that direction and it was growing stronger and stronger, the pull towards Shepard. That alone convinced him not to wait and despite not being able to hear his other's thoughts, speed whispered its way through his feet and over his movements as he practically sprinted to the elevator. The only thing that he was absolutely sure on, was that Shepard was on that dark grey rock, Shepard was trying to call out to him and that, from what he could feel, Shepard's thoughts were beginning to grow dimmer and dimmer by the minute.

*

The ramp unfurled along out of the portal, thumping into the airless void that surrounded them and the grainy flecks of dust that seemed to float effortlessly in the air. It was, in a way, a starkly beautiful sight, were it not for the fact that he was pretty sure that he was going on a mission with almost no chance of return and that he was dragging two friends along to die with him.

James had been absolutely livid when Kaidan had asked him to stay behind, and the way the large marine's hands had twitched and clenched, Kaidan was sure that they were just itching to find their way onto his collar so that James could pry his stupidity out of his head with a good, thrashing shake. Without anyone else to consider for the ground team, Steve had firmly volunteered as the third member, stating facts and reciting logic as to why he would be capable, why he would survive. James had been pretty livid about that too, but not too much, especially after Steve had pointed out that he _had_ joined the rest of the crew during the Citadel incident when Shepard's clone had infiltrated the man's life. He had, Steve said with quiet smugness, wielded an assault rifle just as well as any other, had even been responsible for saving Shepard twice, and since he was an Alliance Soldier, he was just as capable as anyone else, thank you very much.

So Kaidan had his bare-bones three man team, not the best but certainly better than the alternative, and he was staring at the gaping maw of an unknown rock, in an almost unknown part of space and with an unknown fate headed his way. He needed to get another kind of job after this.

"Hey, Major," James breathed quietly next to him, "Take a breath will ya? We gonna do this or what?"

Kaidan nodded slightly as Steve chuckled a nervous laugh in his borrowed, indistinct suit of armour and matching helmet, and without another word, Kaidan strode off purposely down the ramp, feeling the matching vibrations echo up his leggings and his boots as James and Steve followed closely behind him.

Joker had placed them just a few meters from the Kodiak's signal, and the first thing that any of them noticed was the fact that the shuttle was utterly and completely trashed. Not a single piece lay untouched, and the scratched, marred surface and twisted corroded edges hinted at meticulous and passionate work. It was a miracle that the signal beacon was untouched, still linked to a dying power system, but it screamed _trap_ even more surely than the delicate placing of the shuttle in such a forlorn place. Steve was almost beside himself as they came up to the wreckage, almost pushing himself past them to crouch against the shattered remains of his pride and joy and while he had always heard Steve remark that the Trident was the pinnacle of flight engineering, Kaidan could understand why it hurt so much to see the months of Steve's hard work ruined like this.

The other thing that they noticed was the thick, non-descript shutters that faced directly opposite them, imbedded into the rock and inviting them in with malicious intent, just the barest hint of a dark opening grinning down at them so suspiciously. Another part of the trap, and one that Kaidan had to walk into to trigger. It was directly under an overhang of the mysterious rock, seemingly drilled into the side of a small hill, and it was no wonder that EDI hadn't detected anything using the narrowed field of sonar tech.

"EDI? Joker? Are you seeing this?" Kaidan commed but all he heard was the echoey fill of static.

"So much for being able to stay in touch even at this range," James groused as he unlimbered his assault rifle and primed his shields. Kaidan followed through in a smooth second and Steve had brushed off his lament just enough to do the same. Despite the non-modded Avenger, Steve still had a sharp glint in his eyes, showing that he was more than willing to take out his anger on whoever had done this to his shuttle.

"Guess we're heading in there, huh?" Steve bit off angrily.

"Guess we are," Kaidan confirmed in a dead-pan and Steve nodded grimly in response. They were all grim and on edge. They knew what was at stake here, knew that it was three of them against the rest, but they were still soldiers. Still dependable. "You know, I can take it from here. Probably be better if you take what's left of the Kodiak back to the Normandy. Get her ready for a pick up."

Steve snorted at the ridiculousness of the statement. "Yeah, right. The only thing she's ready for is the scrap yard. My poor baby."

"I thought I was your baby?" James blurted out as they made their careful way over to the doors opposite from the Normandy. Not a soul was in sight and the tension was high, bleeding through James's voice and the direct link that they shared with one another.

"You're a bear, not a baby," Steve responded, "More like a baby thresher maw." And it was all Kaidan could do not to snap back at them and ask them to maintain radio silence. They needed to vent out their nervousness and this might be the last time that they could speak to each other this way. They had no way of knowing that Kaidan had said something along very similar lines to Shepard just at the start of all this, before the madness had swept them up again. It was a painful reminder of what had come and gone, and it was something that Kaidan wasn't quite ready to address again.

_...dan... don't...._

Kaidan stumbled against the opening, barely stopping himself from falling face first into the dark, cavernous darkness.

 _John?_ Kaidan thought as hard as he could, but only silence answered. _John! I'm here!_

Steve and James were staring at him now, half crouched in an absurd pose, pressing himself against the dark metal that he cared nothing about. All that mattered was the small voice in his head.

_...aidan... it... you have.... out..._

It was like an echo of memory, a whisper among a crowd, and it was barely enough for him to hear, let alone understand, but it warmed him like a fire on the coldest nights he'd been through on Vancouver.

Focus Kaidan, he scolded himself. Focus and follow the steps. Check for hostiles. Element of surprise. Keep a sharp eye out. Lists and military trainings tumbled through him as he tried to quell the instinctive urge to reach out and just sprint toward Shepard's thoughts, and he felt his muscles trembling with the force of his denial as he peeked around the corner and followed up with his assault rifle and the built in light source along its side.

Nothing.

"Don't worry John," Kaidan muttered quietly to himself, "I'm coming. I'm here." If a response came from James or Steve, he didn't hear it.

They were a little sloppy in their tactics, just barely covering the arc around them as they leap-frogged past one another, clinging to the edges of the narrow way around them. The ceiling was vast and the rock had a smooth, worn look that looked like it had been cut through with a laser, which told him that enough energy applied could break through whatever this meteor was made of. That was something worth noting, but with their firepower limited the way it was and no way to open comms with the Normandy, he didn't really see how he was going to make use of it. Still, he filed the information away.

Time moved slowly as they inched and crawled, worked their way through nothingness with only the small disc of light revealing the tunnel's secrets. The tension and nervous anticipation were at an all time high now and the slightest scrape on stone or the merest whisper of sound was enough to have them flinch and backtrack, calling up short and check everywhere around them. The only thing that worried him during the twisting journey through the ground was that the ceiling above them seemed higher than he thought, and he wondered how deep down they were headed, not to mention the absolute lack of any hostiles in the area. While he was grateful for the reprieve, instinct screamed at him that he was foolish not to anticipate an attack of some kind and the longer that they moved unmolested, the greater his fear of an overwhelming attack.

A fist on his shoulder nearly had him swinging his rifle up to shoot his attacker and his heart was tearing through his chest as he stared at James in bewilderment. Before he could berate the young marine, James spoke with a very quiet, serious voice.

"You gotta take a look at this, Major," was all James said, turning without another word as he leaned against the opposite wall and seemed to disappear into the rock around him.

Throat clenched, Kaidan followed the movement and expected to run into a solid wall, but instead walked straight into a dimly lit room that was a very rough square, carved out of the side of the mountain. Some kind of hologram, he thought to himself, as the dark, blank canvas gave way to a strange sight. There were some tables, platforms and strange devices that he couldn't even begin to imagine and, opposite from him, in the small space next to an arch of tubes and consoles was a tank, glistening with liquid and gurgling quietly through its motions.

A figure in pink and white armour lay as if asleep and Kaidan felt his world tilt as the sight tickled along the edges of memory.

"Ash?" Kaidan stuttered out, and that was all he could say. No more air seemed to pass through his lips at the revelation.

It was her, hair longer and moving slowly through the thick liquid, face older and more harsher, but he would recognize that face, recognize that armour anywhere. How the _hell_ had she survived Virmire and what was she doing here? The thought came unwelcome into his mind before he could stop it. A cloning facility. They were cloning Ash, and in all probability Shepard. Maybe even all of them. What better way to fight the galaxy's finest with an army of their very own? The idea sickened him.

"We've got to get her out. Now," Kaidan ground out immediately looking for a release lever of any kind around the tank.

"Who is she?" James grunted as he followed a few seconds behind, "Kinda hot."

"She's Ashley Williams," Kaidan replied through gritted teeth, not finding anything near the base of the tank nor along the sides. "She was with us on the SR1. She died on Virmire. Or at least, that's what we all thought." Memories, emotions and a dark sea of thoughts followed in the wake of that single word.

James whistled at the familiar name, both of the woman and the place where she had supposedly died. Though a body had never been recovered, her name was a prominent one that graced the surface of the Memorial Wall in the Normandy's crew deck. "What's she doing here?" James asked and it was a silly question, but it had to be said.

"You know, I'd really like to find out," Kaidan said tiredly. There were just too many things going askew, putting him off balance, and this was probably the icing on the cake. Still, if Ash was fighting fit, he could take her along with him or get her back to the Normandy. If it _was_ the real Ash, he thought pessimistically.

"Got it," Steve whispered from the far end of the room and before Kaidan could ask how Steve knew what he was doing on the alien terminals, the hiss of hydraulics and flooding moan of water leaving the glass tank filled the small space and seemed louder than it was. With a flopping motion, Ash collapsed onto the floor of the tank as the last of the liquid vacated the chamber and the tube that ran its way into her mouth pulled out with a sickening slurp that left Ash coughing and retching on the ground. Kaidan was beside her in a flash.

As her coughing tapered off, Ash turned startling eyes up at him, indoctrinated eyes, but he couldn't make himself pull away from her, especially after what escaped her lips at the sight of him crouched there over her.

"LT?" Ash whispered in a harsh sob and the emotion, the thick dread within her voice, was more than he could bear and he crushed her armour against his as he brought her in for a deep hug.

"Ash. You're alive... God I... Is that really you?" Kaidan ground out as moisture built up along his eyes.

"Kind've a stupid question LT," Ash croaked as he pulled away from her, "Don't think this really is heaven is it?" And the comment, the sarcasm and the total disregard for the magnitude of their situation sealed the deal as far as Kaidan was concerned. It was her, at least in essence.

"We gotta move, Kaidan," Steve called from the entrance to the strange little lab, "There's something coming this way. I can hear echoes getting closer."

Kaidan couldn't leave Ash like this, dripping wet and barely able to stand but the woman always had more spine than she had sense, and in a shaky movement, pulled up along his body and stood like a new-born on trembling legs. "I'm fine," she gasped out loud, almost tottering against him. "Must've tripped some silent alarm or something. We have to get out of here."

Kaidan shook his head as Ash turned to look at his and he couldn't help but look away from those queer, rotating pupils. The Reapers were going to pay for all of this and pay dearly in blood. "Can't leave Ash," Kaidan finally admitted, "Shepard's here. Did you see him?"

"Shepard?" Ash asked with a widening of eyes, "What the hell is-"

"Ey, Major," James called from directly opposite from where Steve was stationed, "Esteban's right. We gotta move. Now."

"I'm coming with you," Ash insisted as she straightened up, regaining strength faster than he would have thought possible, "If Shepard's here, we've got to get to him. You're not leaving me behind again, LT."

"Actually, it's Major now," Kaidan couldn't help but correct, "I-"

"Later," Ash smiled in that familiar way that brought memories crashing into him, "C'mon."

Like a group of children stealing away into the night, they hastened through the screen of nothingness and broke out into a trotting run and Kaidan could only marvel at the way that Ash had recovered from whatever it was that was being done to her in the tube as she aped their movements and loped effortlessly through the dank confines, all pretence of stealth forgotten as haste shifted to a priority. So many questions filled his head, and no doubt the others as well but he had an especially deep bond with Ash, about the hows, the whys and every other thing that could crowd his already cramped brain. She didn't have a helmet like they did; how much Reaper tech did she have in her? Was she a potential enemy or a valuable friend? How many more of her were there in these twisted, underground halls of nightmare and Kaidan ached to stop, wanted to just grab her by her arms to question her, but their footfalls were not the only thrumming beats filling this dead vessel, and the stark, hollow noises that shifted past them meant that there were others, Reapers, heading their way.

At last they stumbled into a large vault of some kind, linked to the tunnel as it was to another tunnel at the opposite end. Crates and oddly-shaped devices lined the area, weapons and ammunition, and Kaidan surmised that this was probably a rudimentary storage chamber of sorts, similar to what he'd seen in the Rachni warrens, albeit much smaller in size. As they made their loping way toward the far portal, Ash stumbled against the harsh rock, emitting a sharp cry as she grabbed at the sides of her head, keening a sound of pain.

"Wait!" Kaidan hissed, immediately stopping his forward motion as he gracefully pulled himself back to Ash, "Hold on, James. Steve." It was no wonder Ash was in pain, having gone through what she had without barely a breather before being forced into a mad dash deeper into this forsaken place and Kaidan crouched low to help her stand, taking most of her weight on his side as James approached and took the other.

"Damn," James grunted as he stood on his legs, "You're a heavy _chica_."

_Kaidan... don't... not what... you have to get away..._

_John?_

And that was the only thought he got out as a heavy fist caught him in the side of his armour, denting the metal like it was cheap foil and sending him flying toward the stack of ammunition that was piled up against the side.

Amidst the cascading rumble of debris, another sharp grunt and the sound of crumpling metal echoed dimly throughout the chamber and Kaidan could just make out Ash whipping a fist back as James slid to a stop, a crate pinning his legs against the floor as Steve turned at the sudden sound, rifle primed and armed, pointed at the glowering figure in her armour.

"What-" Kaidan coughed, wincing at the sudden pull of spasming muscles, but Ash was too fast, moving like a demon as she traced around Steve, pulling the rifle out of his hands and tossing it to the side, following the movement with a brutal kick that also sent him away from her, a ragdoll, to crash noisily against the wall next to Kaidan. The resulting tumble sent another wave of falling debris onto him and a crate bounced against his leg, pulling out a sharp cry from him as it almost twisted the limb in an awkward angle.

"It's bad manners to call a woman heavy," Ash chided to the still form of James as she stalked towards Kaidan with a monstrous grin on her face, queer eyes pulsating in the dim light. "Didn't your mother teach you any?"

The scene was grotesque. Ash stood strong and lithe, her figure brimming with dark energy that seemed to suck what little light there was in the cramp storage chamber that they'd been flung around in like dolls. Her smile was unnatural and bright, eyes glistening not with emotion as Kaidan had assumed earlier, but hatred, pouring off her in waves as she took careful, agonizing steps toward where he lay, spangled on the floor.

"Where... where's Ash? What the hell have you done with her?" Kaidan asked through gritted teeth.

The Ash-thing's eyes widened in comic reproach, a she raised a hand to her cheek in apparent shock as her grin disappeared and formed a little **O** in her beautiful face.

The blow was as shocking as it was swift, and Kaidan tasted blood in his mouth as his teeth rattled against the inside of his mouth. How had she moved so fast? It was like a Banshee's 'biotic hop' as it jumped across a battlefield, and Ash seemed to be in two places at the same time, though that might have been due to the ringing in his head and the doubled vision that was sparkling with brilliant whites and blacks.

"What have I done with her?" Ash asked as she crouched over him. "I _am_ her you moron. I'm surprised they ever made someone as idiotic as yourself a Major... _LT_." The words cut like jagged knives, sinking into him and drawing blood while they tore the tender flesh that surrounded old wounds.

Kaidan threw up his fist, sending out a small Reave that had Ash momentarily staggering under the assault, but despite the small amount of energy he'd loosed, he was expecting a little more than for Ash to just shrug the attack off like raindrops.

"Where's the original Ash?" Kaidan asked as he managed to squeeze his trapped leg out from under the crate, "You're nothing but a clone, a Reaper's creature. Show me where I can find Ash and Shepard and I'll make sure you die quickly."

Laughter boomed through the chamber, pealing tones of mirth that had Ash buckled over and clenching her chest as she heaved and choked out her joy. "You're a fucking imbecile, LT. This isn't a cloning facility. What you see, is what you get." Ash turned a studying gaze around the chamber before swinging back to look at him. "You know I'm surprised that you didn't bring the Geth with you. I guess even a machine knew a lost cause when it heard of one."

"The Legion Hunter," Kaidan whispered thickly. How much did Ash know about the team he had been trying to rebuild? Too much, from what he could tell, especially if the information he'd gathered on Shepard's captor was accurate. Truths tumbled painfully through him anf he forced himself to embrace a new, disturbing train of thought. This really was Ash, and she was the Reaper's creature now. She must have been on the ship for days, waiting for a chance to strike, and she would have been party to all of their secrets, including his distrust at bringing a Geth into a highly controlled Reaper installation without any surety that the dormant, modified codes within the machine wouldn't trigger and send the platform over to the Reaper's side.

Kaidan felt the edge of his armoured collar crumple as Ash's fist snagged it, incredible strength shredding through the armour and he was grateful in a strange way that all he got out of her punch was a dented hole. She could have done much more damage, had she wanted to, but something told him that Ash wanted this to be as drawn out and painful for him as possible. Hauling him to his feet and ignoring his pained grunts, Ash pulled him out from under the heavy weights around him and hoisted him up into the air on muscle alone, with barely any effort showing in her arm or features.

"Now I need you to listen closely, LT" Ash purred. "I need you to die. Painfully. I want you to be screaming Shepard's name when you do. And I'll consider it even after what happened on Virmire."

_Virmire... Kaidan.... get away..._

"You're a monster," Kaidan bit out, pulling in a larger amount of energy as he ignored the small voice in his head. He didn't know if it came from himself or from Shepard, but he didn't care. He had to survive this fight. With a desperate fling of his hand, he sent out a larger, more concentrated Reave and felt shock shoot through him as the dark energy harmlessly splayed against Ash's armour, leaving her ginning and nonplussed.

"I am what was done to me," Ash intoned as she clamped her other hand onto the armoured joint along his arm and began to pull and twist, pushing it towards an unnatural angle. Kaidan bit back a mounting scream at the flaring pain, not wanting to give the creature before him the satisfaction, but she seemed lost in her own mind. "You didn't deserve to survive. You should have died in _my_ stead, LT. And now? Now I guess you will. And you'll never find out what we want with Shepard. I hope that fact haunts you where ever it is your pathetic spirit will flee to when I crush your body."

_Don't listen Kaidan... Monster... Not who we thought she... Stop her..._

Kaidan bit back his frustration as the sending from Shepard tinged his mind, fighting with the thrumming pain in his slowly twisting arm. _I'd really like to, John. Not much I can really do right now._

_Here... Let me..._

Before he could even question the absurdity of the statement, Kaidan felt a licking tingle shoot through his amp. It continued to pulse and to build and swarming motes of energy flickered playfully out across his limbs, his torso and he clenched his teeth as the power built up, sweet pain, bitter honey, pulsed and surged within him, turning him, twisting him, completing him. His eyes cracked open wider as the energy sought an outlet and his nervous system was going into shock as another presence took control of it and tripped a mnemonic in a way that he'd never done before, that he had never thought possible.

The world winked out around him and with a harsh cry, Kaidan barged into Ash with a Biotic Charge, almost everything he could pull in from his faulty L2 implant surrounding him in a haze of purple and blue and the last thing that he saw before the world disappeared into a sheet of white and blue lightning was Ash's startled face before the force of the attack thrust her back, slamming her into the stone wall opposite from them and almost crushing her and her armour, spider-web cracks lacing through the supposedly impervious rock and her own pink and white armour.

He marvelled at the sensation, trapped in a vortex of energy that made him feel so powerful, so perfectly in the moment and he stared down at the strange vortices of energy that spun triumphantly across his palms. Was this what Shepard felt every time he charged forward into battle? It was a heady, piquant feeling, drunk on power and dominance and it was a violent, raging river compared to the calm, quiet Sentinel that he had trained all his life to be. How the hell had Shepard done that with him?

_Rachni bond... Feels good, doesn't it?_

Kaidan could almost pick out the man's infuriatingly, cocky grin but there wasn't going to be time for that now. Ash had shown that she was stronger and tougher than what she appeared to be, and something like that would hardly take down a Brute let alone one of the Reaper's most advanced creations. He'd get whatever answers he'd want from Shepard, when he brought him out of this hell hole. Right now, he needed to fight and to win.

Ash was already dusting herself off the ground, fury permeating through her face and lashing the air, thick with hate. Kaidan immediately fell back to his familiar roots, priming up his barrier while he threw out a Warp instead, hoping that the slight difference in energies would tip the scales in his balance. The scintillating ball shot through the air before Ash could stand proper and sank into the cracks in her armour, prying them open further as she grunted. A crouch, a push and she was speeding toward him, pounding against the rocky ground to tear his head away from his shoulders. Almost on instinct, Kaidan twisted too late and just in time, missing the cutting edge of Ash's hand by less than an inch as his suit screamed warning. He rolled and turned, putting as much distance between himself and Ash as he brought up his pistol, his rifle trapped under the rubble along the wall. Warping the rounds was becoming second nature to him, and he spent less than a second doing so as he swung it up and around, only to have the edge caught in Ash's firm grip.

"Not bad," Ash quipped casually, and with a wrenching movement, twisted the pistol out of his grasp as he swung his legs down, wrapped in a biotic field, to cut the legs out from under Ash. Anticipating the move, the woman leapt into the air over his outraised leg leaving him overextended, but he'd expected that. Watching as she fell on him with a victorious smile plastered on her face, Kaidan thrust up both his hands, throwing out a heavy Overload at the same time he tripped his barrier and sent it exploding outward away from him. The mixing wash of energies actually had Ash utter a sharp curse as pieces of her armour scattered and shot away to the sides, and Kaidan could see the swarming electricity course through her skin. It wasn't enough to push her off course, and she landed heavily onto him, knees crushing his armour further and squeezing the air out of him. She was just too strong.

"Huh," Ash whispered into his ear as her strength crushed him into the rock, "Didn't figure you for a straight up fight. Always thought you had to hide behind big, old Shepard--"

_Shut up._

His mnemonics were surging again, taking on pathways and triggering the neural nodes within him in ways that he wasn't familiar with and without any warning, a resounding wave of force shot out from Kaidan in a minor Shockwave, snapping Ash's head back with the force even as it thrust Kaidan even more strongly into the unyielding rock. The metal supports along his back bit into his spine, but he kept his eyes fixed on Ash as the woman recovered almost immediately, a faint trickle of dark blood inching down from her nose.

"Fucker," Ash ground out, tossing back her fist. The motion was intense, and her suit crackled under the build up of pressure that her muscles were exerting and Kaidan knew that if that blow hit him, it would crush his helmet and smash his brains all over the floor. He had to move, had to push her off but the weight was uncanny. Whatever the Reapers had done to Ash, she was too strong and too fast for him to handle alone. The fist arched down in a gleaming white line, intent on ending him and Kaidan could only stare in wonderment as a huge orb of green, black, blue and white completely _pulverized_ its way into Ash and pulled a ragged scream from her as it shoved her through the chamber's opposite path, blasting her form through so fast that he couldn't turn his head to track the movement.

He coughed and choked as recycled air pumped its way into his lungs and he swallowed a grateful mouthful, aching and retching as his muscles spasmed and betrayed him. Rolling over onto the side Kaidan managed to stare at the floor, grateful for his fortune, and he lay there recovering as fast as he could before croaking out. "James? Was that you?"

Silence answered and the slow tumble of ammunition and weapons were the only sounds that he heard.

"Steve?" Kaidan called out and stilled his breathing slightly at the continued silence. Wait. There were footsteps, crawling, thumping sounds that moved and hissed through the rock and he could only barely make them out as the sounds rounded around the chamber and echoed back to him. Shit, he wasn't ready to deal with a horde of monsters in the state that he was in, not to mention the fact that Steve and James were both buried under their silent landslides of inventory.

"Steve? James?" Kaidan called out louder, hoping he could break through to them. "Was that you?"

"Not quite," an almost-voice echoed, calling down to him and he shuddered to a halt as a boot entered his field of view, obstructing the rock in front of him and instead, in its place was, a gleaming white boot that looked to be made up of overlapping plates, expertly wound around through darker material and other silvery-blue metal that whorled and elegantly protected the foot underneath. Kaidan could feel his head twisting slowly up to follow the armoured leggings, silvery-blue, white and blacks all plated and layered in an intricate pattern. More footsteps approaching, more murmured voices and when at last Kaidan turned his head fully up to gaze at the chamber's entrance from his lower vantage, he felt his brain close off and his chest thunder through with his shock and disbelief.

"What... What the hell..." was all Kaidan managed to ground out and he was sure that shock from his beating at Ash's hands had made him delirious beyond comprehension.

"Don't worry, Kaidan," said the beamingly, radiant face of Liara. "We're here. We're here to end it." And with a smooth stroke of her arms, Liara encompassed the large mass of people behind her including them into his vision as the names tumbled through his addled mind. Liara standing there surely, cocky grin shared by Javik. Garrus and Tali standing close to one another and eyeing the chamber around them with interest and curiosity. Wrex, Miranda, Jack, Kasumi, loitering around the area, digging James and Steve out from under their rubble piles and applying medi-gel and first-aid. Grunt was standing there grinning lecherously at him even as he struggled to form some kind of response. Even Aria was there, looking aloof and determined as ever, rounded by Matriarch Aethyta and Samara. Everyone he'd seen and met, the entire crew of the Normandy who he had thought had abandoned him and Shepard during his hour of need stood there, looking at him eagerly and with grim humour.

"What-- I..." Kaidan was still sputtering out, trying to get something intelligible out but Liara turned a shy look up at him as she replied quietly.

"Shepard rallied the galaxy against the Reapers, Kaidan. Did you think that we would just forget about everything that he's done for us? It's about time that the galaxy did for Shepard what he did for us."

The cryptic message, so simply delivered, only served to unbalance Kaidan even more as he gaped at Liara. Did he think that they had abandoned him when he and Shepard had needed them most? What else was he supposed to think! A scathing reply almost left his mouth when a firm hand clamped onto his shoulder.

"Come on, Major," a deep, rich voice called out from his other side, the side that he hadn't bothered looking at. "You're better than this. Get up, soldier."

Kaidan's eyes widened as the voice tripped across his memories and he stood up on shaky legs as he turned to follow the arm that was pulling helpfully around his shoulder.

"Admiral Anderson?" Kaidan whispered in awe. "Sir?"

The man looked just like Kaidan had seen him before the end of the War, strong and certain, confidence and surety radiating from him like heat and light off a sun. It had been months but Anderson showed no sign of his prolonged recovery from his injuries, seemed as indestructible and as strong as ever. It was a wonder that the man was here and Kaidan could feel the questions beginning to leak out of his ears from the sheer amount cramming the insides of his head. The tiny bundle in Kaidan's head was railing now, Shepard's thoughts swamped with the sheer pressure and shock that Kaidan was experiencing.

"You were expecting someone else?" Anderson put in mildly and Kaidan could only emphatically shake his head at the question. He hadn't been expecting anyone, and now, the galaxy's best and finest, all of whom had ties to Shepard, were crowded in this tiny vacuole and ready to bring Shepard out of this hell and back out into the light. Kaidan felt a shaky grin play across his lips. They were going to finish this, and before that, Kaidan had a damnable amount of questions to answer and he'd be a Cerberus lackey before he allowed himself not to have those answers. Shrugging off Anderson's helpful arm, Kaidan limped over to Liara and by the look he knew shone through his helmet, he was damn well going to get the answers that he wanted.


	28. The Truth of Things

"Major Alenko," Anderson called from behind him but Kaidan wasn't ready to speak to his superior officer just yet.

Rounding ferociously on Liara, made slightly less impressive by the wince that involuntarily shuddered through him from the compressed chest-plate, Kaidan surged up letting his anger break loose as he stared down at the slight asari.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kaidan practically flung at Liara's face but her reaction wasn't what he was expecting. Instead of a stuttering denial or a flinch at his words, Liara smiled up a coy smile at him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, which he tried to shrug off.

"Kaidan, you have to understand. There was a reason for-"

"No!" Kaidan spat out, "I don't care what kind of sick mind games you wanted to play. What you thought you had to do. I trusted you Liara, I trusted all of you."

"That's enough Major," Anderson replied firmly from behind him, another hand going onto his other shoulder, this time restraining. "We've got the answers you want, but you're going to need to step back."

"This is-"

"Step back, Major Alenko," Anderson ground out and Kaidan could barely managed to keep his feet locked where they were despite the Admiral's considerable command in his voice. "Doctor T'Soni?"

Liara acknowledged her queue with a nod. "Kaidan. There's so much to tell you. So much for you to consider. Where would you like me to begin?"

"Does it matter?" Kaidan rasped through gritted teeth.

"No," Liara admitted a little sadly, "I suppose it doesn't. What do you know about the Normandy's run against the Collectors? Did Shepard give you any details?" Her tone switched immediately, her blunt address sounding more professional and detached.

A year ago. The Collector run, and how in his anger he had betrayed and hurt the man that he had cared so much about. A promise, to always keep those emotions in check, to think before judging. "Nothing but the facts," Kaidan admitted grudgingly, "Collectors were abducting colonies. Shepard was... was brought back by Cerberus to fight for them. The... the suicide run."

Liara nodded patiently as he skimmed over what he thought she wanted to hear. "Did Shepard ever mention anything about the... abduction?"

"The abduction?" Kaidan clarified. Colonist abductions? Cerberus abductions?

"The crew," Liara elaborated, "The Collectors tracked down the Normandy using its Reaper IFF signal and took the standing crew to prevent Shepard from making any further headway against them."

Kaidan nodded his understanding. Shepard _had_ mentioned the event in passing, and Doctor Chakwas had been strongly affected by the event after everything had settled, and she had carried that burden with her back onto the SR-2 during the height of the war. But...

"What's that got to do with all of... this," Kaidan swung a leaden hand out to the milling group of friends, Miranda hunched over James and Steve as she administered medi-gel and fiddled with something along their armour.

"We couldn't risk something of the same sort happening again," Anderson spoke up, moving into position beside Liara. "We knew Shepard would be a prime target, and we couldn't have the risk of having the Normandy destroyed. She's the only fighter capable of accomplishing everything that we needed her to do."

"I still don't understand--" Kaidan opened but Anderson cut him off as he continued the train of thought.

"There have been attacks," Anderson said quietly. "Indoctrinated personnel, Reaper agents. You name it, they threw it at us. Everywhere that Shepard has been, everyone who even had a hand in his... recovery, have been targeted. This includes Palaven, Earth, Thessia and a host of other worlds. Suffice to say, the Reapers were trying to pressure you and hunt you down. Run you out of options."

"Everywhere he's been..." Kaidan echoed as a fact suddenly came into his mind. "My house... Vancouver. Did they... did my parents..." He'd sent an letter to his mother explaining to her about everything, about Shepard and himself, and that maybe, he might not be able to come back. That she could at least understand and love him for who he was, or at least his memory. There hadn't been a reply, and there hadn't been any time to wait for one.

"They made it out, just in time," Anderson reassured, easing a deep sigh out of Kaidan, "The farm and the house are ashes, but they're alive." Kaidan nodded a brief thanks, a truce, while he sorted through all the facts.

"Some others weren't so lucky," Garrus quipped up, stepping into the conversation smoothly, "They hit Mordin on Palaven a day after you left. Some assassin or another made it to him."

"Ash," Kaidan whispered in dread, realization smacking him in the face. It was Ash, the black-armoured figure. Tailing them, hounding them, luring them out into the open and trying to herd them all the way to this point. "It was Ash."

Mixed looks of startlement passed over Anderson's and Garrus's features, though Liara had a thoughtful expression on hers.

"Ashley Williams?" Anderson asked, composure slightly rattled and Kaidan could only respect the man for that. If he'd been in his shoes, with this kind of revelation, he'd have been winded to say the least. "That's who we pulled off you? The 'general' in your reports?"

Kaidan nodded heavily in confirmation, adding more of the pieces together. This was a trap and despite him knowing about the fact, he had almost fallen face first into it.

"Damn shame," Garrus broke in, mandibles twitching, "I always thought she died on Virmire. Might've been better that way, in my opinion. This'll be a tale to dig into."

"Well, you could ask her while she tears off your face," Kaidan spat out a little harshly but he wasn't fully recovered yet, fully forgiving about everything that had been done to him. He was still waiting on the reason why everyone thought they could just leave him high and dry. As he voiced that particular concern, Liara took on a studious pose as she spoke to him with tried patience.

"Yes, Kaidan," Liara said softly, "It might have been worth having us bundled together on the Normandy, like we were during the War. How many of us do you think would survive if the Reapers caught us unaware? Garrus? Myself? You? We would have been crippled, and if they had destroyed the Normandy, the galaxy would never see our like again. No one would be left to pick up the pieces. We had to scatter, to stay safe."

"You could've told me," Kaidan still put out, "Kept me in the loop."

Liara turned a gaze over to Garrus, causing the turian to step forward. "You were too protective over Shepard. Driven by your need to see this through to the end. We had to take a look at the big picture, as well as the small, and we couldn't risk you going after the Reapers pre-emptively. At least, that was my assessment."

"Screw the big picture, I--" Kaidan stuttered to a halt as the rest of what Garrus had said caught up with him. "Your assessment?"

"Garrus joined the crew to keep an eye on you, Major," Anderson quietly elaborated. "We needed someone there to make sure you didn't fly off the handle at the first sign of any threat to Shepard."

The worm of anger was beginning to writhe within him again. They mothered him? Kept an eye on him without his knowledge? The idea gnawed relentlessly in his mind, Doctor Chang, the restrictions and the seeming solitude that he'd had to endure. The dark look must have translated itself across his features as Liara spoke in placating tones.

"Please Kaidan," Liara implored, "We did this for Shepard. For you. Despite what you might think, we always had your best interest in our hearts."

"You sound like Hackett," Kaidan growled out as Anderson threw him a considering look. "Wait... Did Admiral Hackett... Did he..."

"No," Anderson interjected reluctantly, "He wasn't... fully aware of what we were planning. He gave me fully authority to oversee the situation after my recovery. I've been in contact with Doctor T'Soni and we've been co-ordinating the efforts. Hackett sent your reports to me, and we made our judgements based on what you were sending over to him. It was... complicated, but it gave us perspective on your activities."

"How did you find me?" Kaidan asked numbly trying to move away from the fact that they had done all this without his knowledge. "We didn't communicate our location, didn't brief anyone else on our destination. Who..."

"EDI," Liara said, shifting uncomfortably as another deception emerged. "Since Thessia, she's been pinging us the Normandy's co-ordinates. We've been following behind, and only just managed to reach this... place, behind you."

"EDI?" Kaidan asked in a stunned whisper.

"Yes," Liara noted, "I managed to... salvage some of the plans for the Shadow Broker's old ship before I escaped the Cerberus assault. I've spent a considerable amount of resources rebuilding a smaller, faster version after the war. Besides its very unique design and energy system, it also ran a state-of-the-art stealth system not unlike the Normandy's. We've been behind you every step of the way, keeping you covered while you searched for your answer." If the answer was supposed to be reassuring, it missed the mark by a margin.

"How the hell does any of this make any sense?" Kaidan shouted angrily, not caring that everyone's scrutiny was now focusing on him. "We... I was asked to keep John in the Normandy like a cage. I went hopping all over the galaxy, trying to find help. Trying to find a cure. And no matter where I went, what I tried, I was turned down by friends. Family. One at a time. Do you have any idea what that feels like when you're so desperate for help?"

The silence stretched uncomfortably as the other three shifted their feet at his damning accusations. Good. Their discomfort eased some of the anger within him.

"Kaidan, we--" Liara began, but Kaidan cut her off with a growled threat.

"No, Liara. Don't. Just... don't. Is there anything that I did... anything at all, that wasn't tailored by the Alliance or manipulated by the Shadow Broker?" He threw out Liara's title with a sneer, finally seeing her flinch at his harsh tone, which brought an immediate sense of satisfaction and shame. "Did you even need the beacon? Was this just a way to get the Reapers working on us while you, all of you, pulled the strings behind my back."

"No, Kaidan," Liara broke in, voice heavy, "Of course not. The beacon _is_ important. The information within could help countless worlds check for indoctrinated agents. With the information you gathered, we can begin mapping blueprints to detect, and hopefully, counter the Reapers' greatest weapon. You've saved millions of lives, Kaidan."

"At what cost," Kaidan spoke in soft tones, "Why did you need me to get everyone together? To get the beacon? If you had a ship, you could have done it yourselves, could have just sent me on my own damn mission."

"Dammit Kaidan," Garrus broke in, voice fierce but tempered. "Aren't you listening to Liara? If we had gone ahead and gathered the old team back, what do you think would happen if the Reapers' heard about that? We stopped them once, they wouldn't take the risk of that happening again. They would have tracked us to whatever world we were on and overrun us with whatever they had. Whatever it took. Where would you be now, if they'd focused on us instead of you? It was necessary, Kaidan."

"For you," Kaidan added bitterly but he couldn't argue with the logic of the statement. Like a well draining away a pool of water, the anger began to leech out of him, the fight, slowly shifting away as the undeniable truth, the overwhelming, cold calculus, made more and more sense in his mind. Try as he might to find fault, to remain angry with them all, he had to consider whether or not he'd have done the same. If Garrus and Tali had been in his and Shepard's positions, would he have been able to calmly accept the facts while Garrus went on a desperate spiral looking for answers? Would he have been able to sit idly by, acting his part, while his oldest friends put themselves at risk with what they had believed to be true?

He would have. He would have done it gladly, though with great difficulty, but he would have seen the truth of the matter instantly and trusted everyone around him to know what they were doing. He could empathize, but he wouldn't apologize, not for feeling the way he did after everything had come out, into the light. He wouldn't begrudge them their concern and caution, but he wouldn't feel sorry for lashing out at the mess that they had thrown at him. Not when he'd been so close to the edge. He hoped that they understood that.

Liara it seemed, understood the sudden silence that had descended upon him. It had happened often enough on the SR-1 and the War that she could tell when his mind was churning away, trying to argue facts over fiction in his mind.

"We're here now, Kaidan," Liara said with a nod at him, "For you and for Shepard. I cannot ask for your forgiveness, I would understand it if you didn't forgive me for my actions. But I believed that what we did was the best way to keep you and Shepard safe. I can only apologize for the hurt it caused you. No more."

Kaidan tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowing in consideration rather than anger now, and he gave her a brief nod of his head. Not a forgiveness, not yet, but perhaps, understanding.

"The Rachni?" Kaidan queried, "Did you, was that information something that you planted?"

"Along those lines," Liara replied with just a hint of embarrassment at another truth being revealed, "We didn't have any proof, and we weren't sure where we could-"

Kaidan slowly felt Liara's words soften, the clear tones dulling into buzzing syllables as an urgent sense of dread and worry chased away every other thought in his head. Reaching out to the source, he caressed the edge of the link with Shepard in his mind, tasting the riot of emotions that had set him on edge.

_John?_

_Kaidan... Ash... she's back I... damaged... preparing something..._

Kaidan fought against the fading echoes of Shepard's thoughts, trying to will clarity into them as Liara continued to speak about her theories. He had to focus, had to strengthen the connection between each other. Whatever Shepard wanted to tell him, it was urgent.

_John, you have to try harder... I can't hear you..._

A brief pause, a hint of consternation as Shepard used his forceful willpower to dredge up the strength to send back to him. It was a heady and slightly tangled feeling, and they didn't have much time to... practise, whereas the Rachni had the ability inborn into themselves. Focus, he told himself, focus. Sharp, crystalline focus. His body unconsciously relaxed as, on instinct, he began to go through the biotic meditation exercises by rote, feeling his thoughts still and his limbs felt heavy. Nothing but the bond between Shepard. Shepard and himself.

 _Kaidan,_ and the thought was as clear as spring water. _Wow. Neat trick, sweetheart. Listen, we don't have much time. Ash is back, and she took a pounding from whatever you did to her._

 _Wasn't me,_ Kaidan thought hard, trying to send a picture of Liara, Garrus and the rest of the crew, of how a huge ball of mixed energy had smashed into Ash before she had had the chance to finish him off.

A pleased sound echoed through the link. _Well, what do you know. Anyway, you need to move. The Reapers are preparing something. They know that you're here with another, bigger group. You can't let them take you Kaidan. You have to get out of here. Leave it to the others._

 _Me?_ Kaidan thought incredulously. _They want me as well?_ Then his mind shook as stubborn resentment filled the link. _I'm not leaving you, John. Don't be stupid. I'm here, till the end. Don't even ask me to go._

 _They want to kill you,_ came the grim sending from Shepard. _In fact, they need to. They can't make me theirs unless you die._

 _What?_ Kaidan almost lost the contact's clarity at the ridiculous thought.

 _Not ridiculous Kaidan,_ Shepard sent urgently, overriding the rest of his thoughts. _I need you to listen to me. There's a Reaper here, Sovereign Class, called Ascendant. But something's... weird. It's... shrinking. Getting smaller or something. Last time it was just bigger than a Destroyer. It's doing something to itself and it's not good._

_What's going on, John? What did you find out?_

_Everything. Ash told me everything,_ Shepard admitted. _Guess she didn't realized we could communicate like the Rachni did, though she had some suspicions._

 _Was that really Ash?_ Kaidan thought sadly. _Maybe... maybe we could, find some way to save her? Like I saved you._

 _Might not be possible,_ Shepard responded tersely. _Without a mature Rachni Queen, I don't see how. Unless..._

 _Unless?_ Kaidan prompted but a considering silence lingered before Shepard sent again.

 _No._ And that one word transmitted to Kaidan from the bond, held so much pain and anguish at the fact that Shepard couldn't save Ash again, worried him. Made him wonder just what Ash had been doing to the man during his imprisonment, just how much she'd dug under Shepard's barriers and shredded the man's innermost worries and fears. The ached poured through, Shepard's desire to see that everyone was safe, and it was like Virmire all over again. One of them had to die. _We can't worry about that now Kaidan. We have other bigger things to handle. Much, much bigger._

Kaidan's eyes widened as Shepard told him about Ascendant's plans. About how there were more Reapers out in dark space and that they wanted, needed, to harvest Shepard in order to turn his strength against the galaxy that he'd been fighting for. Without that hope, without that strength, they wouldn't have a chance. The explanations and sensations tumbled through his mind, about Shepard's conversation with the Reaper and Ash, interspersed between bouts of casual abuse from Ash and the strange things that they had been doing to Shepard's body to prepare it... for whatever it was that the Reaper had been planning.

 _How do we..._ Kaidan felt his throat tighten with dread, even though he wasn't speaking his body reacted instinctively to the emotion. Shepard trailed off as his thought intruded. _How can we even fight something like that, John? What can we do to stop it._

 _I have an idea,_ Shepard sent tiredly. _But you have to trust me on this, Kaidan. Will you trust me?_

 _Always,_ Kaidan responded immediately without a moments hesitation, as if the word were tacked onto the end of Shepard's last thought. The immediacy of the sending was responded to with amusement and sheer gratefulness, wrapped around in a parcel of tender emotion that Kaidan recognized as love. It brought a smile to his face just to feel that familiar feeling from Shepard.

Shepard thought. He detailed his plan, what he suspected, what he thought they could do to win. Kaidan was awash with the desperate plan, but it seemed like they had no choice. Shepard continued to send along his thoughts until a firm hand pressed against his back and something slithered across the dented chest plate along his suit, startling him out of the link and breaking the connection.

Kaidan blinked as the chamber came back once more into stark focus.

"What the fuck was that creepy shit on your face, Alenko?" Jack voiced, peering up into his eyes as she stood roughly where Liara had been, the asari standing back and staring at him in a considering way.

Kaidan wanted to twist around but a strong set of hands were keeping him still.

"Don't move," Wrex growled out, not entire friendly. Kaidan couldn't blame the krogan, especially after their parting words on Tuchanka. Words could cut as sharp as any blade, and he'd have to make it up to the warlord. Somehow.

"It would be best if you remained still, Kaidan," Miranda said softly up at him as she moved her hand along the dent in his chest. The haptic sensors were going crazy and the strange device she had in her hand looked totally unfamiliar to him. With a last application, Miranda stepped back and sent a command into her omni-tool, causing the strange liquid along his chest plate to shift, squirm and then _solidify_ into a seamless part of his armour, even so far as to mimic the colour, weight and texture. Kaidan gaped at the almost unreal transformation.

"Omni-gel," Miranda said by way of explanation, as she continued to fiddle with her omni-tool. "I had to pull a lot of strings and call in a lot of favours to get what little I had. With the manufacturing ban raised over two years ago, it's getting harder and harder to find." A small, pleased smile graced her lips as she lowered her arm. "That's the last of it, though I dare say we've made good use of it."

Kaidan looked down at the completely unblemished sheen of metal that straddled his chest, feeling the hands behind him ease as the transformation completed itself. He would marvel at the thing later, he wasn't exactly a stranger to omni-gel himself despite not having used or seen the stuff in close to three years.

"Liara," Kaidan called, drawing her attention back to him. "What happened? Did I... Um, I heard you explaining about the Rachni and..."

"You were in a... daze," Liara said with slight puzzlement, "That's the only thing I could think to describe you, standing there with the most strangest smile on your face. I didn't think you were listening, so I stopped and let Miranda take a look at your armour. If you want I could go over some of the-"

"There's no time for that," Kaidan broke in urgently, and the seriousness of his tone had everyone up at attention. James and Steve were looking none the worse for wear, and despite Steve's slightly abashed expression and nervous fiddling, he seemed eager to listen in too. "It's about John. He told me that there's a Reaper here called-"

"Wait," Liara spoke up suddenly, eyes gleaming. "You just spoke to Shepard? Through his comm device?"

"No," Kaidan corrected, "It's... it's complicated." Kaidan wasn't exactly feeling generous about his secrets at this point, not after what he'd gone through and in truth, he didn't have to explain his connection to Shepard to anyone. That was between himself and his lover. "It's about the Rachni and the cure, anyway he-"

"Are you serious?" Tali broke in, peering up at Garrus, "What did the Rachni _do_ to the both of you. I can't imagine letting those spiders into my-"

"Tali, please," Kaidan said a little impatiently. He detailed to the group what Shepard had told him, about the Reaper ship, how he was being held in what appeared to be a central chamber of sorts and all curiosity about his mysterious communication with Shepard lay forgotten as the magnitude of the situation impressed itself upon the assembled people. Some of his suspicions about what was happening. And about the extra fleet of Reapers in dark space, made up of the countless converts from across the ages. Corrupted representations of their respective cycles, stronger and more improved than what had come before them, and how they were only a signal away from leaving their hibernation in order to begin the cycle of destruction again.

Everyone was looking grim, pale and worried. Kaidan lapsed into silence as he let them each consider the situation, about the staggering odds that they were about to face down and everything else that was finally crawling out of the woodwork.

"Well, this has been fun," Aria said finally, shattering the stillness, "Personally, I'm sure I can find somewhere in the galaxy to hide out. A thousand years; I'm sure the Reapers can't take that long to wipe you out."

"There is no guarantee of your survival," Samara said with cool confidence. "You may leave, if you so desire, Aria. I would have thought you were smarter than that. If the end comes, it will find me ready. I owe that much to Shepard at least. If we survive this, Aria, our negotiations are void. You will be outcast from asari society, branded a coward. Is that how you want your memory to stand? Would there be any who would rally to your banner?"

"Not if you're all fuckin' dead, Justicar," Aria ground out, voice thick with hate. "If we survive, you'll keep your word? Asari support to help me rebuild Omega." It wasn't a question and Samara seemed to know it.

Samara shared a knowing look with Aethyta, receiving a careful nod from Liara as well. "Our pledge remains, as long as you do."

"Aria T'Loak isn't a fucking coward," Aria snapped out. "She's just smarter than the rest of you. Once I have my empire, Justicar, I'll make sure I come looking for you."

Samara beamed a brilliant smile, true emotion colouring her features at last, but her voice was as icy as her eyes. "I would expect no less from you. I will be ready, no matter my fate, though you will not find it as easy as you think."

Aria narrowed her eyes at the quiet confidence, breaking her gaze first as she waved the acceptance away like a bothersome fly.

Kaidan paused to stare at each of his team mates, the trust he had for them barely holding, but he needed them to do what Shepard had asked of him. He needed them with him to even have a chance of success, and he had been delusional to think that he could have accomplished that with just himself, Steve and James. Not now, when he finally knew what was at stake.

"Hah!" Wrex suddenly boomed, "You kids always fine the best fights. You can't expect 'Uncle Wrex' to back down after what Shepard did for us. For the krogan, and future krogan everywhere. We owe it all to Shepard." Wrex shot a penetrating look at Kaidan, and he nodded faintly at the barb as Wrex snorted his acceptance of the apology. "I'm in, and Grunt too." Wrex hitched a thumb and the silently leering krogan who turned to his elder and grimaced his teeth.

"Don't speak for me, Wrex," Grunt growled out. "I'm doing this, not because you want me to. It will be a fitting prize, the title of Reaper killer. Killing thresher maws will be small snacks compared to this."

"Shut your mouth," Wrex snapped back. "I am still Clan Leader, and you are an Urdnot. When I point, you go."

"Such confidence you inspire," Miranda broke in, stilling the confrontation between the two krogan. She turned and gave Kaidan an apologetic nod before nodding more vigorously, a gentle tilt of her head. "I've come this far to make sure my work survived. It would be foolish not to finish this. I owe it to Shepard. For Ori."

"For Earth," Anderson cut in, "For our lives, for the galaxy. Hell, that boy's always been like a son to me. Maybe once this is over..." Anderson seemed to turn quiet and contemplative and Kaidan wondered if he was correctly following Anderson's train of thought.

"For Rannoch," Tali chirped, standing tall and running a hand over her mask. "Shepard gave me a home. He saved my people from the Geth, and he helped us reclaimed our homeworld, ending centuries of war. I owe him more than I can give back, but I'm certainly going to try."

"For Palaven," Garrus spoke up next. "What Shepard did for my homeworld was nothing short of a miracle. He saved my father and my sister. For those lives, I have a debt, and turian's always repay their debts."

"Then you owe me a bunch a' credits, Garrus," James said loudly, breaking to speak to the turian.

"Well, when I said that we always repay our debts, I was actually referring to-"

"Nah ah, I heard what you said. I got the numbers right here," James tossed Garrus a wink.

"Maybe we could settle it another way, I know this great place up on the Citadel. Clear air, water beneath. Two bottles out of three and--"

"I guess we're all fuckin' doing this shit," Jack called out fiercely rolling her eyes at the banter between Garrus and James. "So yeah, maybe I owe Shepard. For pulling me out of that pain-in-the-ass prison shit." Jack's voice shifted slightly, turning contemplative and softer than Kaidan had heard before. "I owe you too, Alenko. For Prangley. For Omega. We're gonna kick these assholes outta this galaxy. Don't you fuckin' back out on me now."

"For Robert and the colonists taken by the Collectors," Steve added with a pained sigh, dulled by time and the influence of James's stout presence. "For the man who saved me from myself."

"For Keiji," Kasumi said from behind Kaidan, "For what Shep gave back to me. And for all the interesting things that he let me steal." A wink was tossed out with that last statement, earning the thief not-truly-surprised looks from some of the group.

"I do not do this for the Commander," Javik ground out at last, four eyes considering all of them. "My mission is still vengeance against the utter destruction of my people. I only wish to thank the Commander for giving me this chance to destroy the last of my people's enemy. I do this for their memory."

"Hah!" James crowed, breaking away from his banter with Garrus, "Knew ya' had a soft spot, Bugs! You're not so scary after all, huh?" Steve quietly elbowed James in the side, movements awkward in armour as he hid a smile behind an upraised glove. Javik pointedly ignored them both.

Similar nods of agreement, voiced mutters of support that swelled and filled them each to their core, bolstering their determination against what would be their biggest fight since the war. Liara stepped quietly into the sudden hush, right up to Kaidan, and placed both of her hands in his armoured ones, eyes shining bright as they gaze at his own, deep, brown eyes through his helmet.

"For Thessia," Liara said quietly, "For the lives lost and futures left. For my mother and the family that Shepard gave to me." Liara swept her gaze over Matriarch Aethyta and Samara, a grateful smile playing across her lips. "For you Kaidan. For the both of you."

Kaidan nodded as his thoughts finished the litany. For Thane and the crew of the SR-1. For all of the ones that had died since the pointless grind of calculated destruction had been introduced into the galaxy and their lives. For Ash and for all of them, they were going to see this through to the end. His doubts were squeezed away, trapped under the overwhelming weight of his newfound hope and the confidence that they would, again, manage the impossible; it left a startling clarity in its wake. Kaidan squeezed gratefully, a brief, tight gesture into Liara's palms before he stepped back and addressed the rest of the group, military training and experience coming to the fore.

"Here's what we need to do," Kaidan began.

The group listened intently, those that Kaidan addressed specifically moving off to quickly complete their tasks while the rest began their final battle preparations. And throughout the entire thing, a tiny ball of emotion and memory in the back of his mind swelled with love and pride, lifting him and shoring him up as he prepared for whatever would come.

*

Kaidan panted heavily, feeling his muscles tense and cramp slightly as his amp cooled down and his mnemonics settled back into comfortable stillness. With a tight roll of his shoulders, Kaidan worked the kink that he felt growing there, the knot of muscles tight and hard as he struggled to will the sensation away, finally ignoring it as he surveyed the carnage around him.

"All clear," came Miranda's voice from the other side of the room and Kaidan acknowledged the announcement as he brushed aside stray strands of sweat-matted hair.

So far, so good.

After the initial preparations and detailing, there hadn't been anymore time to waste. Shepard had been detailing him about the progress that was happening in the main chamber and things didn't seem to be getting any better, and Kaidan relayed this to the rest of the team, ignoring the considering looks being thrown at him every time he voiced Shepard's thoughts.

Among the trove of ammunition and weapons, they had discovered and acquired a cache of Reaper Blackstar armaments. The weapons were limited when it came to firing capacity, acting as a sort of glass canon that dealt massive, penetrating damage, though each was limited to a single round each. There hadn't been any refills that they were aware of, and they had only managed to scrounge five of the devastating weapons. Something about an element-zero particle accelerator that combined with metallic mass in order to project a beam of energy not unlike the Reapers' own main gun and the Normandy's uniquely upgraded Thannix Cannon. It was the only thing that they had that would even have a chance to damage the Reaper flagship efficiently and he guarded their use jealously despite the horde of creatures that it would have wiped out. It was the only shot that they had short of planetary bombardment, and since that wasn't a particularly attractive option, Kaidan had been adamant in strapping them onto the five most reliable members of the group, including himself.

A quick discussion had reasoned that the subterranean complex would not be complicated at all, despite the time that the Reapers had had to carve away more fortifications and additional chambers. It wouldn't have been of any use, aside from the necessities, and with the unique properties of the rock, it would have taken more resources than the Reapers were willing to commit to maintain any sort of standing base. Anderson had reasonably argued that if there was a central chamber, the Reaper, Ascendant, must have carved its way into the rock, for whatever purpose, and thus, all roads would metaphorically lead to Rome. Without any ability to map the underground passageways, it was the most likely conclusion and their best bet.

Instead of the usual three-man team, they moved as a highly trained, manoeuvrable squad. There were no guerrilla tactics, no stealth takes or hit-and-runs. This was a brutal grinding down, pitting their superior skills and abilities against superior numbers and so far, they had the advantage in the tight tunnels where the Reapers' numbers counted for little.

"Move up," Kaidan ordered after a brief glance at Anderson, who nodded his approval. "Breach this door and clear out the next chamber."

Tali and Kasumi broke off from the formation, flowing toward the door as they began override protocols that would hack through the door before they proceeded, giving the rest precious few minutes to recover as they worked.

Kaidan pulled out one of the last few nutrient bars that he had secreted in his suit, munching on the tasteless but filling supplement as he charted the progress that they had made from the initial chamber.

A slow, rough schematic seemed to resolve in his head as he recalled the directions and pathways that they had taken, ever deeper into the stone. About halfway through, Liara had reported that her omni-tool had registered that the air was breathable, and half of their number had shucked and collapsed their headpieces in order to breathe stale, but acceptable, air. Kaidan had been one of them, and it seemed to clear the chaos of his mind. It was ironic how similar the maze of tunnels had been to the Rachni warrens, small narrow tunnels that seemed to admit at most four abreast that ended up in vast chambers, both small and large that were either empty or used for storage. A few, thankfully very few, had served as staging grounds for hostile forces and the fighting had been brutal, quick and intense.

Despite everything the Reapers had done to augment and upgrade their mindless automatons, the sheer weight of bodies just couldn't seem to compare with the expert ease with which they had wielded their weapons. It had been awesome to be in the midst off, even more so than at the final push during the war. Things then were desperate and bleak, where numbers seemed to count for more than skill. Here, their progress was incremental but measurable, success so easily tasted as each chamber seemed to mark a victory for them. Despite the lack of supplies that Kaidan had suspected Ash of depriving them of, they were an unstoppable force, taking barely any injuries or damage as their vengeful churn forward ground the Reaper minions into nothing.

A hiss signalled that the door had been successfully hijacked and Kaidan absently dropped the almost-empty wrapper to the floor, chewing on the last of the bar as he brought up his barrier and his trusty assault rifle, the rest of them coming up on points and filling in their respective formations like water into a tub.

"Keelah," Tali whispered as Kasumi whistled softly and said, "Oh my."

Kaidan halted momentarily, staring up at the space between them that led up to a ceiling that disappeared overhead and a pair of huge, metal doors that seemed to come from the rock around them itself, towering up and following the chamber into the darkness of distance while it eclipsed one entire side of the chamber. To say the door was massive was like saying that the sun was bright and Kaidan wondered absently as to the reason they were almost twisted beyond shape, metallic traceries and circuitry ruined and wrecked within the inner portion of the door, though they still shone dully with whatever inner fire worked their processes out tirelessly through their programming. On closer inspection, he realized that the doors didn't lead into another high-ceilinged tunnel as he'd expected, it was the same part of the door, twisted and destroyed by whatever force had been employed and it stretched back, several hundred meters or more, into darkness. The doors looked almost a kilometre thick, Kaidan thought numbly, and that was only an estimation.

This was it, they had reached the main chamber. No other reason why such extreme defences would be employed to protect whatever was beyond this point. It had to be inordinately precious or important.

"On your left!" Anderson suddenly shouted, bringing him out of his contemplations and training overrode his higher mind as swarms of creatures began to pour out of the deep sides along the chamber, small entrances and exits littering the space where the floor touched the walls.

A smart move Kaidan thought idly as his hands moved of their own volition, throwing massive amounts of biotic energy out in waves that crushed, crippled or broke apart the rising tide of machinery and flesh. They were trying to stage a surprise attack, small crevices at the sides to batter against them on all sides and crushed them between the two opposing forces. Except, this particular group were far more capable and skilled than the Reapers could ever hope to understand. He had never felt so powerful, so alive in battle and he couldn't attribute his rising sense of strength to anything in particular. It was like every iota of experienced he'd gained fighting the horrors before him had accumulated and focused itself for this one, last, glorious push toward their saviour. What could it be, that lent him such strength? Hope? Shepard's reassuring weight in the back of his mind? The trust and support of his comrades and friends that he'd just an hour ago scorned and railed against? Love? He didn't know, would probably never know, but he didn't really care as long as his strength held out and gave him a way to carve a path to the other part of his heart.

Jack roared a triumphant sound as she splayed her hands and fingers out, throwing dark energy in a cascading wave that pounded the ground, growing wider and faster as it propelled itself away from her, eating through the hordes of Husks, Cannibals and Marauders, damaging and killing most while the rest were weakened enough that the rest could easily sweep them away with gunfire and respective skills. Despite their lack of any prominent innate skills, Steve and Anderson were doing a heck of a job clearing away any weaknesses, their shots accurate and powerful. Anderson was making the most of the tech enhancement training that he'd received as a marine grunt, using Concussive Rounds and Incendiary Ammo with devastating results. Steve lobbed a Frag Grenade into a group of milling Husks that had been stunned into stillness by a combined Overload from Kaidan and Garrus, shrapnel and explosive force shredding the helpless creatures as his rifle blared out. They had quickly fallen into formation, the tanks and heavy hitters taking the fore as biotic specialists and tech's took the middle, providing cover and support in barriers and attacks alike. Garrus and Kasumi were lurking behind this protective bubble, lines of fire whipping out to burn and cleanse any larger threat that they could, winnowing down resistances and armour as they softened their targets for easy kills.

Glorious.

In blood-soaked minutes, it was all over, Kaidan locked his knees in place to stop the trembling in his muscles from unbalancing him. The rest were already fanning out to secure the area, while those with minor injuries or nicks in their protections took care of the problems with makeshift battlefield solutions. Supplies were beginning to run low and since the entire galaxy was as desperate for any of the supplies that they could get their hands on, not to mention the war-profiteering and black market smuggling, their stocks of medi-gel weren't going to last them forever. The Reapers didn't have medi-gel stocks to plunder and here in this barren place, they had to be more careful.

"Well, would you look at that," Garrus called as he stepped up to one of the bodies littering the floor of the chamber's entrance. With a toed prod, Garrus turned the corpse over, earning a loud, ripping snort from Jack who toed it back to the turian.

"What the fuck is that?" Typical Jack and her succinct summing up of events, Kaidan thought wryly, moving over to see what the commotion was about.

Moving up to the pair of them, Kaidan looked down and blanched slightly at the... thing that was sloppily spilled out at their feet. Thing was probably the best way to describe it. The Reaper creature was unlike anything that they had seen before, round and almost ball like, with masses of tissue and sagging pustules that littered the outside of its body. It looked like its suit or skin was stretched tight, almost to the breaking point and there were sharp, metallic, tri-fingered claws at the end of stubby arms, legs almost frail and withered in comparison. How it would have moved forward or in any direction other than where it's bulk would lean to would be a mystery. Miranda seemed to have joined them, judging by the arm wrapped in a familiar skin-tight uniform that pointed at the Reaper thing's head.

"That looks like an enviro-suit," Miranda said quietly, tracing the paths along the creature's bloated head. "Look. The eyes and the vocal projectors, it's almost like that of a--"

"A volus," Kaidan whispered in dread and disgust. It _was_ a volus, now that the familiar shape began to filter into his memory, but twisted beyond the short, calm creatures that they had known.

"Keelah," Tali said quickly, causing Garrus to turn at the sound of her voice and lope in her direction. Overprotective was he, Kaidan thought to himself.

Kaidan strode over to where another small cluster of people were forming, circling another withered, battered figure before them. It looked completely emaciated, nothing but metal and fabric clinging onto threadbare skin and bones. It's head and arms were grotesquely oversized however, and it had some kind of tech along each limb. It's head was overflowing with sensory machinery, scanners and god-only-knew what else the Reapers had decided to implant into the poor creature. However, unlike the Reaper Volus that he'd left behind, this thing was stretched into ridiculous proportions, almost half again as long as anyone in the group.

Tali held a shaking hand up into the dim light of the chamber, drawing everyone's attention to the small, metallic pin that she held there, a simple, elliptical shape that crossed itself and went through a series of complicated whorls and turns that looked deceptively simple. "This insignia..." Tali began in a dry whisper, "It's from the Nardak. One of our live-ships that we lost during the war. I found it on this... thing. I..." Tali's voice dissolved into a trembling stutter and Kaidan had his thoughts liberated as James voiced his own opinion.

"A quarian," James said bitterly, almost reaching out to prod the corpse before he thought better of it. "Reaper Quarians, man? This shit is some _loco_ stuff. Since when've there been Reaper Quarians?"

"And the volus too it would seem," Liara said, absently moving her hand over to the small, round hills that dotted the floor.

"Saw some stuff there that looked like Vorcha," Matriarch Aethyta sniffed, shoving a thumb back behind her. "Can't really tell, they're kinda messed up in the face. Should be though. Seen enough of them beat up when I was serving drinks, looking like that." If the incongruous statement seemed stark in contrast to the messy abattoir of the chamber they were currently in, the Matriarch didn't seem to care or notice.

"What does this mean?" Liara asked hypothetically, "Why are there Reaper types here that we haven't seen during the war?"

"Who the hell cares," Wrex grunted, smashing his fists together, "They die, just like the rest." Grunt seemed to agree from the emphatic nodding of his head at the statement.

"We should care," Miranda countered, moving up to address the rest of them. "We don't know what other species have been integrated into the Reapers' ranks. The Elcor? The Hanar? Is this a measure of desperation, or is it an attempt to undermine our strength? I can see how something like this could cause doubt, make us wonder if they have their hands in every sentient world in the galaxy."

"Not to mention we're not exactly sure what these things are capable of," Anderson muttered, nudging the corpse with his boot. "New tech, new attacks. We might not be prepared for a sudden shift on the battlefield. Who knows what a Reaper Hanar would use as a weapon."

"C'mon sir," Jack ribbed playfully, earning her startled looks from the rest of them for her formal address. "What? Fuck you all. What'd you expect a Hanar to do? Preach you to death? I'm with Wrex, if they move, they can die."

"They're desperate," Kaidan threw in, "They couldn't win despite their sheer numbers. They had troops conscripted from across the most advanced species in the galaxy and, well, even with their tech, they couldn't win. They needed a new edge, and this is it. Different attacks, different systems. If even one gets a hit off, there's no telling how much damage it could with the surprise."

"A fair point," Miranda conceded with a nod toward him. "At this rate, there's nothing that we can do about that now. We don't have the time or the resources to study these things. We can only hope that we're as prepared as we can be for anything else new that they throw at us."

"I am reluctant to rely on a plan that hinges on hope," Samara interjected just as Aria opened her mouth to voice the same thing. The pirate queen turned a baleful look at the Justicar, pointedly turning away to let her speak Aria's mind for her. "However, since we do not have the luxury of other options, hope is all we have to rely on."

"Then let us stop this pointless debate," Javik ground out, "We have a Reaper to kill."

They all nodded agreement at that statement, gathering in their formations quickly as they flanked the side of the massive, broken door.

"Hey Kaidan," Kasumi whispered from behind him, causing him to jump slightly.

"Don't _do_ that Kasumi! I could've--"

A slight giggle came from the air to his right, though no one was there but James, and he could hardly credit the bulky marine with making _that_ kind of sound.

"Found this for you," Kasumi said over his thoughts, revealing herself and the Blackstar that she held in her hand. Six. Now they had six of the heavy weapons.

"You keep it," Kaidan said, bringing a hand up to pat the one already strapped onto his back.

"It's a little heavy for me," Kasumi said lightly, "Doesn't go with the hood. I prefer a summer blue, or royal purple."

"Pass it off to someone else," Kaidan said, thinking furiously as they prepared to move out. "Here, give it to James."

Kasumi threw him a casual wink before fading into the darkness, and a few seconds later, there was a whispered voice and a deep, manly yelp coming from James's direction. Kaidan grinned humourlessly at the sound.

With a nod from Anderson, they pulled out of their flanking positions and made their way through the vast tunnel. They moved with practised ease, guns drawn and powers primed, making quick work over the ragged ground under their feet as the irregular beating of footsteps pattered through the air. The continued moving at a hurried pace, every so often scanning for hostiles and glancing at the deconstructed tech that loomed over them, no more banter or chatter stealing from their lips as they saved their breath for the descent into the dark pit before them. Time ticked by in seconds and then minutes as they made their carefully hurried progress.

It seemed to stretch forever, sinking into the dark rock like a portal which led directly into dark space, a tunnel that would lead them straight into the maw of Reaper death and fire. Kaidan almost tripped on a protruding piece of the door, which still lined the walls around them, as the idea took slow and careful shape within his mind. A portal. Into dark space. Surely that wasn't possible, what kind of energy would be needed to be unleashed in order to link a place like this to anything beyond the galaxy?

Suddenly it dawned on him, like light breaking through the obstructing series of hills in his path. The truth. All the information had been there for him to see, but it hadn't made any sense until now. The rock that they were on, the unusual material that seemed to absorb energy that was directed at it. The Reaper, nestled at its heart and the apparent dormancy that Shepard had described. The tubes of glowing energy, the amount of tech that laced this place, building up more and more energy and power than anything else in the galaxy could safely, naturally hold. His paced doubled as he continued forward, running through the broken edges of the doors that he was beginning to realize were _not_ doors. This wasn't a bunker or a blast door as he'd previously thought to himself. This wasn't some secret chamber where the Reaper was hiding out, waiting for their final stand, as it revelled in its seemingly-omnipotence. This wasn't a trap for them, and it wasn't just for Shepard.

The machinery on the walls, twisted and broken, still shone with the faintest glimmer of life, and he had wondered what its purpose had been, either electronic reinforcement like the Foucalt currents. The extraordinary long path, leading to a vast reservoir of concentrated power.

This was a jury-rigged Mass Relay.

Or at least something very much like one. And it might just be powerful enough to send a signal or a pathway through the galaxy and to the waiting Reaper Fleet in dark space. They were going to explode out of the Sol System in a wave of shredding, all-encompassing death, and if it came to that, nothing would be able to stop them, since the galaxy's best and strongest were going to be right in the middle of a who-knew-how-bad cataclysm.

"It's a relay," Kaidan whispered thickly.

"Say what now?" James called from his side. "Yo, hold up."

"What is it James?" Liara called from the fore as she traced back to their position, the rest of the turning slowly at the halt.

"I dunno doc," James said with a shrug. "Major said something..."

"Kaidan?" Liara began but he cut her off, no time for more.

"Liara, it's a relay," Kaidan began quickly, uncaring at the quaver in his voice. "This moon, this rock. It absorbs energy. John, he- he described the main area ahead. The Reaper is... channeling it's energy into it. It's laced the area with machinery and this hall? It's a conduit. It's a conduit like-"

"Like the relays that we use," Tali finished for him, casting a studying glance over the walls.

"It's creating a relay?" Anderson spoke up as the rest gathered around them now. "Why?"

"It's to connect the Sol System... to dark space," Kaidan ended.

Absolute silence followed his pronouncement. Fear and bewilderment, dread and horror, making the air thick.

"Is that even possible?" Garrus whispered finally, breaking the spell.

"How do you even know-"

"What makes you think that-"

"God, if they open a relay here for the rest of their fleet-"

"Enough!" Anderson cut through their jumbled words. "It doesn't matter now. Ehat matters is that we stop it. Kaidan, are you sure?"

The facts shone dimly in his mind. "Absolutely. I'm certain sir. And if they succeed, if they open the way, we're right in the middle of it and... and nothing will be able to stop them then. That was their plan all along."

"Double time," Anderson snapped out. "Move!"

They were all running now, Kaidan's urgency translated to his team mates as his thoughts bubbled and twisted under the startling revelation, and his shock was carried through into the bond with Shepard. They raced forward now, his breath rasping sharply in his lungs as he pelted, faster and faster through the ominous corridor, the rest of the squad hastening to match his increased pace, sounds of exertion and urgency echoing off the uneven walls..

 _So that's the answer,_ Shepard replied quietly in his head, the strength of the sending indicating that the man was very, very close now. _We have to stop them, Kaidan._

 _We will, John,_ Kaidan thought adamantly. Stubbornly. Kaidan wanted to stop, to let plan and to prepare, but they couldn't afford to hesitate, for the their sake and the sake of every creature still drawing breath. He couldn't afford to slow down, not when there was this much at stake, and they would find out soon enough.

Light seemed to burst around them, harsh greys and a sort of flickering mash of oranges, yellows and blues that almost felt nauseating, and Kaidan's mad dash forward halted abruptly as the strange, flickering light momentarily blinded them after the run through the darkness. Kaidan pulled up, feeling the heavy breathing of his friends as they followed suit and began to cluster and break around him.

The Reaper, Ascendant, stood in its self-imposed hibernation, slightly different from the shape of the Sovereign-class ship that he'd been expecting. It was distinctly smaller, almost the size of a destroyer, and its reinforcing plates and protections had been shucked, one piece at a time as more if its life-force and power were shunted through tubes and into the rocky expanse around it. It's eye remained dead, no light coming from it as it stared lifelessly at the ground, the only sign of its continual activation was the glowing motes of energy that leeched from its form and into the surrounding area, giving the air a sharp taste of ozone and eezo.

A hissing growl seemed to fill the air, and arrayed before them in ranks and messy squares stood the last of the Reaper's forces, though the sheer number was daunting. Kaidan used the tip of his rifle to sweep the assembled menagerie of horrors, spying the usual Reaper creations with splashes of unknown abominations that had to have come from the other races across the galaxy. They continued to threaten and claw the air, displaying their challenge as they screamed, whined and growled. The rest of the team were already pulling into their formation, biotic barriers and all manner of weapons coming to the fore, ready at a moment's notice for the final assault.

 _Kaidan,_ came the sending and he immediately latched onto the source of the call, so close now that he could point to exactly where it was it came from.

Shepard hung in a harness that looked right out of some ancient, macabre torture device, wrapped up in bands of metal and steel that kept him off of the floor and suspended in the air above them. Kaidan's gaze pulled up to see the bruised and battered form of his love, hanging weakly in the air and the rest of the crew paused to follow his gaze, staring up with rage and determination at the sight of their friend and mentor, lover and brother, strung up like a piece of meat for the world to see. Shepard's skin looked bruised or burnt, dark patches placed in a random swathe across what bare skin Kaidan could see and his chest ached for the agony that must have been going through Shepard, filled with vengeful fury as he sought to make Shepard's tormentors pay for the pain his lover had had to go through. Chains seemed to pull themselves out of him, tying him to the darkness around them as they thinned and disappeared into the walls and ceiling, spider webs holding their prey.

"It's amazing how far you all managed to come," came a distinctly feminine voice, carrying over the constant sound of the assembled horde. "Then again, I was once a part of your little therapy group, so I'm not really surprised."

Ashley Williams, or the monster that she had become, seemed to hover in the air above her army, riding a platform that looked remarkably similar to the one that Saren had employed during his attempted coup against the galaxy. There the similarity ended, and the device seemed to float effortlessly off the ground, looking sturdier and more malevolent in its design. Larger and more deadly. Mixed feelings of dread and anger washed through him like a breeze, his comrades' first encounter with their deceased friend.

"Pathetic," Ash spoke strongly, wrapped up in her distinct black armour that Kaidan had become so intimately familiar with during the last few months. "You are all doomed, lost before you even had a chance to make your first steps. When my master is complete, we will not even bother crushing the life out of your miserable bodies. You are already dead, all that remains is for your brains to process the absolute hopelessness of your actions. Shepard will be a part of a new era, a new power that the galaxy has never yet seen before. You will all--"

A round clicked into place, seeming to streak through the darkness like a brilliant star and Ash's monologue stuttered to a halt as it impacted against the shield that held itself around her and her floating platform. A look of absolute hatred and malevolence passed over her beautiful features, painting it in twisted, nightmarish tones.

Garrus grunted again as he reloaded another clip, sending another amour-penetrating round toward Ash and they all watched as it burst out, absorbed and deflected by the powerful field around Ash and causing the hovering surface to jerk back a foot from the impact. Garrus clicked another round into place as he took aim again.

"You talk to much," Garrus shouted out over the milling creatures, "You're not Ash. Ash wasn't as melodramatic or grandiose as you are. You don't deserve to wear her face and tarnish her memory, monster."

Ash screamed a shrill cry, like a stooping hawk, and like a dark wave, her army surged forward at her call, breaking through the small, empty space between the two groups and moving forward at their general's orders, flanking and gnashing, swiping and clawing.

Kaidan threw out his Reave, feeling the energy soak into him as the group around him, friends and family, threw out a united cry that matched the ferocity of the Reapers' own, Kaidan's own shout pulling a deep sound out of his throat, and sent out ravening beams of light, biotic lashings, tech explosions and all manner of weapon fire.

With another powerful shout, Kaidan and his team threw themselves into the fight, and at last, the battle that they had been preparing for, had been joined.


	29. The Endgame Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?
> 
> No boss battle at the end of ME3?
> 
> I'll fix that!
> 
> Bwa ha ha ha!

As a Shockwave pulled its way across the strewn floor, swiping at a row of hostiles with biotic detonations, Kaidan rolled back, feeling the uncomfortable bulk of the Blackstar pressing against the ground as he moved towards Garrus, who was still trying pick off what he perceived as the most dangerous targets while keeping an eye on Ash.

"Garrus," Kaidan called out, "We need to get her down from there."

"That shield's tough, Kaidan," Garrus grunted as he smoothly pulled back the Mantis, loaded a thermal clip and squeezed out another round before the spent thermal hit the ground. The shot impacted a Banshee whose barrier had been completely drained by peppering attacks, and the armour-piercing round hit true, carving a neat hole in the Banshee's face. "I could see what the Blackstar'll do to it if you want, but no guarantees."

"Save that for the Reaper," Kaidan quipped, shooting down anything that got to near to their gathered group as he scanned the battlefield. "I'll handle the shield. You just be ready to make it count."

Garrus snorted an elegant sound, turning one eye on him while the other followed Ash's jittering pattern in the air. It seemed that she was relegating herself to leading her army and the occasional round that did little damage against their combined barriers. "Kaidan. I'm _always_ ready. In fact, I'm just waiting on you now."

Kaidan thrust out a short nod, moving along the fighting numbers and finally stopping beside Anderson, whose Incendiary Rounds were devastating non-armoured and armoured creatures alike. "Sir," Kaidan said deferentially, "We need to get Ash off that platform. I believe that she's controlling these Reapers somehow, and we need to keep the pressure on her. Draw her into the fight."

Anderson nodded at the assessment, pausing to consider. "Suggestions, Major?"

"We need to crack that shield, sir," Kaidan elaborated, firing off a round that dissipated against the brilliant bubble around Ash. She was railing and foaming now, throwing threats at them while she attempted to take advantage of her greater vantage while exploiting any weaknesses that she saw. "Garrus'll handle the rest."

"Get the word out then Major," Anderson said with a nod. "Concentrated fire on your mark."

"Sir," Kaidan said even as he moved away from the Admiral.

He worked his way across the tight formation, helping where he could, bolstering defences when he thought he saw a buckling, using his biotics to disperse any built up concentration of Reaper forces that looked like they were going to make a devastating push. Every action that Ash was directing had to be countered, and Kaidan could only marvel at the woman's sudden tactical knowledge and battlefield versatility. She hadn't really been trained for war, had been stationed at a colony out at the edge of the systems, but he remembered what Aria had said on Omega, how she had been a devil for cunning tactics. The Reapers had obviously seen fit to enhance not only her physical capabilities but her mind as well. Kaidan just hoped that those were the only surprises that he had to deal with.

A trio of Brutes gathered along the middle of the fight, making an intent line toward their position, and the creatures hunched up together, claws upraised, as they plodded heavily to the group.

"Jack," Kaidan called out to the ferocious biotic, "Target a Shockwave, just behind those three Brutes."

"Behind them?" Jack asked in puzzlement, evenly breathing through her mouth as she kept her control and powers in a smooth rhythm.

"Trust me," was all Kaidan said, and that was all he _needed_ to say. Without another word, Jack threw out a massive Shockwave, watching as it shot out toward the group of Brutes and seemed only to shake and rattle them with its passing. Kaidan had been counting on that.

The main detonation of the attack sparked just behind the Brutes, followed by an even larger explosion of ichor and energy that painted the air in a riot of colours, shredding any other creature near it while serving to sufficiently hinder the three Brutes, causing them to stumble as liquid fire poured into the wounds along their backs. Jack looked at him in stunned amazement, then stared at her hands.

"What the fuck was that?" Jack asked curiously.

"A distraction," Kaidan said simply, not having the time to elaborate as he continually worked to counter Ash's movements. The woman was staring furiously at him over that latest move, and Kaidan could only grim humourlessly at the situation. It had been an obvious ploy, one that might have worked on a lesser battlefield commander, but not on a group that had been so practised in killing Reaper minions that it had almost become second nature to them.

He was being honest though. The Brutes _were_ a distraction, a meat wall meant to draw their attention away from anything else as they focused on the seemingly larger and more dangerous threat. In close combat, the Brutes would have been utterly devastating and Ash had presumed that they would target them before they could close. But there always had to be a plan B. Kaidan knew that the Brutes would take a huge amount of damage before falling, exhausting them before they had a chance to recover, and that would leave them open to the creatures that were hiding just behind the Brute's shadow, the small, round Volus-like things that were almost bloated and corpulent in their design. With such poor locomotive functions and the fact that they lacked almost no external defences, Kaidan had presumed correctly that they were in fact some kind of suicide troops, like the Swarmers, and they would have been given a clear field toward the rest of them if they had focused on the Brutes. If they had realized what the Brutes were covering and had tried to flank the assault, Ash would have been just as satisfied, splitting them into a smaller, less effective, formation. So Kaidan had turned the tide, simply and with brutal efficiency.

He moved over to Tali, sending out a Warp that impacted another similar attack from a Banshee, causing the mixing, volatile energies to implode and send an agonizing wave of shredding force over the group of hostiles that had been directly under the confluence.

"Tali," Kaidan called out, "We need to keep pressure on Ash's shields."

Tali nodded once, mind occupied on directing her assault drone as she sent out a powerful Overload over to wrap itself against the shields around Ash's platform. Another streaming Overload arched up from Garrus, combining with the energies there as they sought to pull more and more away from the protective casing. Kaidan nodded, bemused at the fierce intensity that Tali carried, and he kept moving, kept picking his way across the battlefield. Soon, arcing blasts of electricity and tech were rising up in a constant stream, moving in unison to pepper and pound against Ash's platform. Kaidan sent his own Overload up, watching as it joined one from Garrus and together the electrical charge splayed out around the shell in a lurid mess. One that didn't seem to be doing any good.

"It's not working, Kaidan," Miranda quipped up from beside him, her hair swinging wildly as her biotics flashed. "It's too strong. Whatever's powering those shields, it keeps recharging faster than we can tear it down. There has to be another way."

Kaidan thought furiously as he considered Ash's smug face, hovering over all of them, and he broke off momentarily as he directed an attack against a hunched group of Husks, trying to dig in from under the mounds of dead so that they could get close enough to the group to strike out with ease. That problem taken care of, he turned his attention once more on the problem of getting Ash off of her floating pedestal.

"Hey Kaidan, I have an idea," Steve called to him from the side, beckoning him over. "I'd like to speak to Tali first before I suggest anything however." He punctuated the remark with a neat slice across a Cannibal's throat, earning him a dark spray of blood and a warbling cry as the creature clutched at its wound and thrashed into stillness on the ground. It was a good thing that he was one of the people who had opted to keep his helmet on; having Cannibal blood smeared over your face certainly wasn't going to make the fighting any easier.

"I'm here Steve, what did you want to ask?" Tali spoke up as she slid smoothly into place between Kaidan and Steve, sending her drone out to sweep the monsters that were hounding their tough fortifications.

"Actually," Steve corrected, "I just wanted to confirm something. I'm no tech, but I'm pretty sure that my omni-tool's mini-fabricator can pull energy from the--"

Realization and excitement sparkled in the young quarian's eyes as the idea hit home. "Yes!" Tali sang beautifully, "Of course! With the nano-dyne compressor modules, I should be able to extract the core processor and send a system protocol that should--"

"I was thinking," Steve interrupted, "We could try to run the sub-routine through the drive core, then connect it to the output parameters designed for the mini-fabricator. That way we should be able to maximize the..."

Kaidan was, perhaps, just a little lost. While he had tech training due to his Sentinel vocation and he had some interest in the omni-tool specs and modifications that he could get for himself, he couldn't even understand half of what Tali and Steve were discussing. He supposed it was akin to the difference between knowing how to drive a hovo-car and knowing about its make and model versus actually creating a one from the bones up. Further thought was interrupted as he spotted a group of Marauders using their shields to block the attacks that were coming from Liara, Wrex and Jack, the tech walls much more effective than barriers against biotic assaults. Kaidan cursed his distraction, especially since Tali was now pre-occupied with something on Steve's omni-tool and couldn't lend her expertise to the fight.

Before he could order a countermove though, Liara passed a light hand through the air, waving into existence a Singularity that picked up a handful of Husk corpses, littering them through the air in a macabre waltz as they turned and rotated. Before he could wonder at the strange tactic, Wrex blew out a roar, stepping up to the creatures just as Jack threw out a wrapping field of biotics that swelled and sparked along the Husk's frames. Wrex crouched down, clenching his fists before him and Kaidan watched as ballooning mushrooms of power caked his fists, swelling and throbbing brightly. With another almighty roar, Wrex swung both hands out to the side, impacting the small tangle of now-glowing Husks with a force that shredded what dead flesh had remained on those metallic bones. Those bones were glowing purple as they left Liara's singularity and they shot out in a fan of shrapnel that tore through armour, shields and barrier alike. Flesh was certainly no impediment to such a deadly attack. Wrex roared triumphantly as he continued using his massive, biotically-charged fists like bludgeons, smashing anything that dared get near to him. Few of the hostiles did.

"Uh, what... what did you all do?" Kaidan called over to Jack, who was loping over to fill out a space in the middle of their formation, sending out another attack before she collected her self and steadied her breathing.

"That?" Jack hitched a nod in Wrex and Liara's general direction, Wrex ungraciously smashing anything that got to close to him while Liara tumbled neatly and effortlessly through the melee, shooting down anything with devastating bursts from the sub-machine gun. "Liara pulled them up, Wrex sent 'em flying, and I modded the metal in their bodies. Think of it as Warp-ammo on a bigger scale, like rounds the size of Husk bones. Ain't no shitting shields gonna hold up against that."

Kaidan stared at the crazy biotic who grinned devilishly at him. It was a masterful use of biotics, a display that would have required precise control and timing among three different users who had three different methods of employing dark energy. It had been beautiful to watch, and the seamless way that the attack had been conducted, the efficiency that had taken out so many with the barest effort, left him feeling slightly envious. But the feeling passed as soon as a hand gripped his shoulder and swung him around.

"Here," Tali said, directing his attention to the drone that she cupped in her hands, "This should do the trick."

Kaidan stared at the assault drone, taking in the sight of a cluster of Frag-Grenades that littered its hollow shell, along with the incongruously glowing omni-tool that crowned its top like a strange hat. Steve was rubbing along the side of his arm as he approached.

"Omni-tools have an eezo-core that power the device's functions," Steve said with proud simplicity, "Tali's managed to work in a sub-routine that would be triggered by her drone on her command, causing it to overload. That much energy, combined with the extra force of James's grenades, should be enough to bring down the shield on the platform enough for Garrus to take his shot."

Another marvel, another make-shift battlefield assault that would prove devastating. If it worked.

Kaidan shifted himself up, trusting the ebb and flow of the fight to the rest of them as he caught Garuss's attention and signalled that the opportunity was coming.

"Do it," Kaidan said.

Tali let her drone hover in the air as she shifted to program the commands into the device and Kaidan watched with nervous anticipation as the drone whirled, whined and then shot up into the air, passing over the horde around them and pulling up to soar, straight and true, directly toward Ash.

Ash muttered a string of curses, using her weapon to try and blast down the drone before it got too close to her, but it moved expertly, twisting and gyrating in random patterns that dodged most of the rounds being thrown at it. It picked up speed and the last thing Kaidan saw was Ash's startled face as the drone impacted the supposedly-impenetrable shield as Tali keyed in the program.

The blast was like a second sun in the dark air above them, shining light into the darkest corners of the chamber briefly and the force was conveyed in a muffled boom that pushed the air away from the epicentre, directing it toward a massive overload that cracked through the shielding, while the buffeting effects carried over and flattened a majority of the assembled host to the ground, dashing the lighter ones clear away in all directions. The resulting energy was sucked into the shield around the platform, pushing it past its limits in a single stroke rather than the small dribbles that it was certainly designed to withstand. The whining snap of a shield breaking followed in the otherworldly silence, and it was immediately punctuated by the whipping punch of a round leaving a rifle. A short while later, barely a second, a harsh, short scream cut through the air followed by the thudding sound of something hitting the ground.

Kaidan watched as the platform lost its height, dipping to and swerving to crash messily against the far wall and taking out more of the monsters that it landed on in a one-two punch. There seemed a brief lag in the fighting as the hostile creatures reacted to the loss of direction in milling ways, some standing in a stupor while others acted of their own accord, losing the tandem skills that Ash had granted them. Now was their chance.

"Push forward!" Kaidan yelled out to the group, taking advantage of the sudden indecision on the Reaper's side. "Break through!"

The group roared their challenge and surged into the tide of vacant-eyed, distracted creatures and the effect was immediate as bodies flew out of their path and lesser creatures were ground into pulp from the ferocity of their push. Kaidan was wrapped in power, focusing intently on their goal as he took the vanguard, pushing with Wrex and James at his sides. His powers were flailing the air now, whip cracks of energy and storms of destruction that wiped out large numbers of the creatures where ever they touched. A group of Husks were ground into nothing from impacting Warps, a Reave stole the motions of Reaper-Quarian and sent it thrashing to the ground. Shockwaves cleared a narrow avenue of freedom, pushing them even deeper as they moved ever onward, right into the heart of the creatures who were beginning to focus themselves once more and turn their attention over to the invaders in their presence. But it was too late.

Their severe numbers were at a disadvantage now that their small group had bunched up in a tight, defensible circle. All they had to face were at the edges of the fighting, while the other monsters could only ineffectually push and shove deeper in, waiting their turn to die from the holocaust that was spawning from this violent circle of death, every rotation, moving and killing their way slowly to the Reaper and Shepard. Long-distance assaults from within the circle fanned out like spokes, striking down the Reaper's heavy hitters to stop them from using the same tactics and avoiding bull's-eye shots that would have broken them apart. They each knew what they were doing, they each knew how to complement the people around them, and their teamwork and efficiency had been honed over years of fighting together. The Reapers had no chance, Kaidan thought with grim joy. They were winning.

A hand reached out in between a pair of Cannibals that were in his path, black as night, and snagged his forearm. Before he even had the time to register the thing there on him, it pulled him back with surprising speed and strength, whipping back and tossing him out like a lightweight. Kaidan flew through the air, landing with a heavy crash as he fell right into the middle of the group of monsters. He immediately pulled his energy into his barrier, overloading the dark energy that surrounded him and directed it out in a forceful push that shattered the creatures around him and sent them flying back, clearing a small space for himself. He took a deep breath and staggered, recovering from the outburst as a lithe, dark, figure stepped into the empty area, eyeing him clearly through its hateful stare.

"Hey, LT," Ash grated out. "Those were some slick moves you pulled back there."

Kaidan rolled to the side before he decided to answer, betting that Ash had expected him to respond to the taunt. It was a good call as a metal fist seemed to bloom right where he had been crouched, blinding speed making it seem that Ash had materialized out of thin air.

"Full of slick moves, aren't you LT?" Ash said casually as she turned to stare at him, crouched at the side. Kaidan felt his amp tingle as he wrapped himself in a tight biotic suit, energy conforming to his body and armour, flickering in the dimness.

"You haven't seen anything yet," Kaidan said bluntly as he raised his assault rifle up, peppering the short distance between them with rounds. Ash blurred as she slipped easily past the streaking points, letting them smash into the milling crowd around her. Kaidan took the moment to shoot his gaze to the sides, looking for an opening so that he could dive into it, and hopefully make his way back to the safety of the group.

"Ah, ah, ah," Ash scolded, "This is between you and me. They're just here to... make sure it stays that way." Ash crouched in a sprinter's form, turning her head up to gaze hungrily at him and Kaidan just managed to dodge to the side as Ash's fist broke through the air where he'd been, pulping the head off of one of the Husks that was behind him. Still, her free hand had clipped his ankle as he had rolled, throwing him off balance from the sheer force of the momentum and Kaidan whirled to the side, barely catching himself on the hard ground as he stumbled back up, rifle raised. He moved in a weaving pattern, continuously sending out trailing lines of fire in his wake, tossing out biotic attacks when ever he could, at Ash, at the creatures around him.

It wasn't enough. Ash was just too fast. She seemed to dodge his attacks effortlessly, moving back in and around them when they had harmlessly passed her by and her counter attacks would leave him wide open and exhausted from the sheer amount of concentration and energy he used to time his movements.

He threw an Overload at her grinning face before attempting to dodge the follow-up, but Ash just stood there, surprising him by changing tactics and merely absorbing the attack rather than moving away from him. That left him hanging in mid-air, barely enough time to shift his weight as Ash's fist seemed to materialize around the armoured collar around his neck, choking the air out of him. She looked bored as she stared at him through her indoctrinated eyes.

"Oh, Kaidan," Ash tutted in a dull, scraping voice, "So naïve. I didn't really expect you to fall for that one. I guess a false sense of security must seem very tempting to you." Ash squeezed her fingers into his throat, denying him a biting response and Kaidan pulled both hands up to pull her fingers apart, but they were bands of metal, gripping relentlessly into his windpipe. "I'll make it quick. Painful, but quick. Once I wipe out the rest of your... alien, freakish friends, I'll make sure Shepard watches as the Husks peel the skin off of your body." The fingers moved inexorably together, pressing and bending the metal against his throat and his vision was starting to black out, turning dark, so it was only logically that he thought he was hallucinating when a thrusting push staggered Ash as it struck her in the back, ripping her grip away from him as he tumbled to the side.

" _Hola_ ," James beamed as Steve moved around the side, making his way over to Kaidan. "Got room for two more?"

"Should have killed you when I had the chance," Ash hissed, pulling herself up as her flesh knitted together, already recovered from the Carnage Round that James had fired into her back.

James threw Ash a considering look, eyeing her up and down briefly before he smiled a humourless smile. "You're a tough bitch, aren't you?"

"The toughest," Ash countered, standing tall and straight now as the last of the damage seemed to leech out of her.

"Nah, ah," James taunted, "That's not what I heard."

Ash's figure blurred in the air, seeming to disappear from the sight of all three of them and before any of them had time to recover, Ash stood behind Steve, one dark, metallic hand gripped unerringly along his stubbled chin while another pulled back along his arms, wrenching them behind him and pulling out a pained grunt from him. Kaidan coughed another shaky breath, just meters away from the pair. If he could only gather up enough energy, he might just be able to separate the two, giving James the opening that he needed to attack, or pull them both out and back to the group.

Before Kaidan even had a chance to trigger the mnemonics in his head, Ash smiled a sharp smile up at James, twisting Steve's arms back even further to punctuate her look with Steve's pained yelp.

"Then I guess, you heard wrong, jarhead."

The crack was audible even among the sounds of the milling throng and Steve cried out as both of his arms bent at unnatural angles, forced by Ash to splay out as she twisted and broke their joints. Ash laughed darkly as Steve continued to scream and with a sharp motion, sent a reverberating punch into the man's back that had Steve widening his eyes and then falling silent. She tossed Steve's body over to side, right in front of Kaidan before staring at James's ashen face with her own challenging one.

James howled a note of pure fury and ran forward, bowling into Ash as the two of them wrestled and hammered away at each other. Kaidan ignored the clashing sounds as he crawled painfully over to Steve's body, tears and fears tumbling through him as he dispensed a medi-gel capsule out into his hand.

*

The world was a dark red, blocking out the colours and the sights and movement around him. James was awash in a bloodlust, his anger and his ferocious need to pound Ash into the ground drowning out every other thought. The only thing he could see was Steve's still, crumpled form and the grinning, victorious smile on Ash's face. How he ached to wipe that smirk off, along with the woman's head.

His bulging muscles clenched and surged, pushing him forward in speeds that would have dashed him into the rock had he not connected with Ash. It was almost the same, judging from the rattling in his teeth. Still, he ignored the feeling as his fists struck out like liquid lightning, jabs and thrusts and punches that rained down, momentarily putting Ash on the defensive as he howled his anguish.

"What you got, bitch?" James screamed, not letting up despite the burn along his shoulders as his muscles strained and screamed at him. "Come on, what you got?"

In his mind's eye he saw Steve, standing there with that demon of a woman behind him, pulling and pulling his arms up. James didn't know what he could do without hurting his lover, and the idea of seeing Steve suffer any pain at his hands left him feeling sick and nauseated. He guessed that was what Ash had been counting on, and in any case, his action had probably killed Steve anyway. He'd mourn later, he scolded himself. First he had to kill this woman as painfully as he could.

He moved with numbed motions, feeling detached from his body, the blurring pain in his muscles not belonging to him as he swiped and dodged, blocked and kicked. All of his training, all of his size and strength, and he was finally putting it to good use. A good, old-fashioned brawl. That was what he liked best, and the rage and ferocity in his attacks were something that Ash hadn't seemed to count on, expecting him to be slow because of his size. Well, he'd prove her wrong, like he had proved everyone wrong who had every doubted him in his life.

Only Steve, quiet, careful, sexy Steve. Always there for him, never judging him during his first awkward, stumbling attempts at intimacy. His false bravado and his lame humour just trying to sweep everything under the rug. Careful, patient and understanding, Steve had opened up slowly to him, let James touch a part of Steve that hadn't been exposed in so long, since the death of his husband, and James had treasured that chance more than anything else he'd ever had in his life.

His vision glazed over, the omnipresent red laced with the dim view of memories. His panic that he'd felt when he'd found out that Steve had been injured in London, almost swarmed over by Husks. James had pulled every available string that he could, even going so far as to forestall his N7 training so that he could mother Steve, look after him, keep him safe while secretly trying to get to know the man. It was perhaps the best months of his life and despite the haste with which they had developed their relationship, it hadn't felt any lesser to James. It was as meaningful to him as anything else, and James had been sickeningly light-hearted as he had coaxed the man, cajoled him into eating. He would never admit to anyone, most of all Steve, that he'd woken up early every morning just to make him breakfast because he'd said the food from the relief tents were terrible. He had personally rerouted the hot water over to their makeshift apartment so that Steve would never have to endure another cold shower. He'd scrimped and threatened, begged and flirted with everyone in logistics just so that he could provide Steve with better mattresses, better pillows, anything that would speed the man's recovery then, while trying as subtly as James could to convey his absolute infatuation with the older man.

James cried out happily as his fist broke through Ash's defences, smashing into the woman's arm as his Foucalt shields added extra punch. The memories in his head swerved away from the adrenaline that spiked through him at the contact, and while Steve was the only other thought in his mind, James was now intently focused on pulping the creature in front of him. The attack was strong enough that he could hear the crack of bone, could see the grimace of pain on Ash's face as she backed up further away from him and he longed to hear the sound again, to wash away the sound with Ash's screams as he broke her arms first, then her legs before he started on every other bone in that monster's body. Steve would have held him back, would have tried to calm him down, but without him there, James was filled with the need to cause as much pain as he could on Steve's attacker.

"Yeah," James ground out in a deep yell, "You got nothing on me, _chica_. You're nothing but an empty." Punch. "Shell." Kick. "Of." Punch, again. "A human being. I'm almost glad that the Reapers took away your humanity. Heard you were some hero. Now I see, you're just a coward, too afraid to die."

Ash's eyes narrowed at the taunt and James swept in during the moment's hesitation on her face, intent on using all of his strength and power to cave her face in, make her die choking on her own fluids. His fists rocketed through the air, smashing into the hard ground and cracking his armoured knuckles as he over balanced on the miss.

"Like I said," Ash whispered into his ear, pressing down against his back, "I guess you heard wrong."

James tried to whirl around, to use his large arms to toss the woman from off of him, but she was too quick and his movements seemed to slow and still as a sharp, penetrating force seared into him and he felt his armour crack under the relentless pressure, felt his chest burst out in fire as he stared down at the dark hand that protruded just below his stomach. Bright red blood flowed through the wound, and he opened his mouth to speak but blood had filled his mouth, and he couldn't do much more than cough out specks of his life.

James reached down slowly and tried to grab the wrist in his two large hands, but it slid out with a sickening slurp of flesh and the crunch of ruined metal. He couldn't feel the pain anymore, couldn't feel his legs as his knees crumbled and his leg plates hit the ground. He couldn't feel his fingers as numbness washed up his limbs as his blood continued to pour out. He couldn't feel the ground as it welcomed him with a rocky embrace. With a muttered apology to Steve, James wished, more than anything, that he could at least feel the man in his arms one last time before his vision disappeared under a haze of black.

*

Kaidan stumbled and crawled over to Steve's still form, begging any deity that would listen that he wasn't too late. Without thought, he shoved the tube of medi-gel into the suit's induction port, teasing out another tube and sending it into Steve. He waited, holding in a painful breath that he exhaled with gusto as Steve coughed and shook, regaining consciousness.

"What--" Steve mumbled numbly through the haze of two medi-gel capsules flooding his system.

"Don't speak, Steve," Kaidan said gently as James's guttural sounds punctuated the still air. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Wasn't," Steve babbled, wincing slightly as the pain washed out of him and the miraculous substance began to mend broken bones and the trauma that his heart had suffered. "Needed to get to you. Broke off from the group."

"I could've handled myself," Kaidan whispered, tasting the bitter lie on his tongue. "But thanks."

Steve opened his mouth to speak but the shouting around them suddenly turned silent as a harsh, shrieking sound of tearing metal ripped through the air and had Kaidan looking up where James had been beating Ash back. What he saw, chilled him to the bone.

Ash stood over James's kneeling body, one arm hanging limply at her side as another seemed to disappear into the marine's back and out his chest. A red river poured out of the site and stained the rock beneath them in growing stain.

"No," Kaidan whispered thickly, "No!"

Without thinking, Kaidan sped through his mnemonics and triggered a Warp, sending the speeding ball over to wrap around Ash just as she pulled away from James's body. The sound of disintegrating metal and torn flesh was music to his ears, a salve to his pain, and Kaidan wanted more, needed more.

"James," Steve coughed out, "Oh god, James..." Kaidan ignored the pleading sounds that emerged weakly from Steve's lips as his rage fuelled his movements.

"You monster!" Kaidan yelled as he pulled back away from Steve, adrenaline cutting through the mugginess in his head, "You god-damned monster!" He flung out more biotic attacks, uncaring of the heating amp at the back of his head as he watched with perverse satisfaction as they smashed into Ash, grinding into her and twisting her already battered form. He cocked his hand back for another massive Warp that should have torn her in half, but in the blink of an eye, Ash had covered the distance between them, bearing him down onto the ground and pushing on him with her knees, broken and damaged hands both harshly wrapped around his throat again. Kaidan gurgled as his attack flickered and died, watching as Ash's torn skin hung off her face in tatters, blue energy playing over her even as she pushed her strength down onto him.

"Yes, I am," Ash whispered through her ruined mouth. "I _am_ a monster. Because of you! Because of Shepard! Because of everything!"

Kaidan felt the overwhelming sense of pity and dread surge within him as the pain returned two-fold, wrapping around him in merciless fingers. How much had this woman suffered that she had to blame the galaxy for her loss, what had she been through that she had to see her pain in everything around her?

 _Kaidan..._ came the soft summons into his mind.

"Ash," Kaidan choked out with what little breath he had.

"Shut up!" Ash cried out, throttling him against the ground. "Shut the fuck up! It should have been me, I should have been what you are. I should have been hailed as a hero. You took that away from me, my purpose, my life. Who would have thought Shepard would have actually saved you? I hate you, LT. I FUCKING HATE YOU! You have to fucking die! You have to die so that I can live!" The words pounded into Kaidan like molten nails, searing him, cutting into him even as they cauterized old wounds.

"I'm sorry Ash," Kaidan whispered, barely audible at the lack of breath.

"I don't want your apology," Ash ground out with her hate-filled voice, wetness dripping from her too-bright eyes. "I just want you to die."

"I'm sorry," Kaidan continued undeterred. Shepard's voice was mixing with him now, and the words that left his lips came from the both of them, two streams merged into one. "I'm sorry for Virmire. I'm sorry that I left you to die. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you wanted."

"It's too late for that," Ash wailed, and Kaidan felt the soft, wet drops of tears hit his cheeks as they streamed from Ash's eyes and plopped silently onto his face. So sad, so painful. How could they have known? "Now I'll take from you what you took from me." Fingers clenched tighter, tighter still. "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for yourself."

_Sacrifice._

"I'm sorry," Kaidan said soundlessly, "For this."

Kaidan had inched his hands over onto Ash's chest, gently cupping the metal there in his fingers. With the last words tumbling through his mind, he splayed them out and felt Shepard's control take over, tripping the mnemonics in his nervous systems as they went through the now familiar motions, triggering the creation of energy that collected in his fingertips, reaction faster than anything that Ash would be capable of.

The Shockwave left his fingers point blank and detonated itself right into Ash's chest, tearing away the metal like flame melting wax and shredding a hole within her chest the size of two fists. Not a sound emerged out of Ash's mouth as the force ripped her off of him and shoved her back into the milling throng of monsters around them. Her face did not twist with the wrenching pain, her eye's did not widen. Her porcelain face remained the same as she continued to stare at him as she was tossed back, and Kaidan could only stare into those hate-filled eyes. Perhaps it was asphyxiation, but Kaidan thought that he saw the barest glimmer of relief in her features, but it was gone so fast, along with Ash, as her body soared through the air and landed with a sickening thud.

With a howling yell, the creatures staggered and shook under the loss of Ash's influence and the control that she had woven over them all shattered under the damage that he'd done to Ash. The force pushed him back against the rocky ground as well, startling his burning lungs into taking a sharp breath of air that was sweet and welcome. He continued to gulp painfully as the monsters around him shrieked their loss, some outright collapsing to the ground or moving about in lost motions. Kaidan paid them no heed as he pulled himself up, oxygen-deprived muscles stabbing painfully as he crawled over to James.

Almost there, Kaidan thought numbly as he moved past Steve's still recovering body, almost there.

He was drained, completely exhausted as he pulled out another medi-gel tube and injected it into James's neck, not even bothering to search for a pulse. The damage needed to be treated now, and he used his aching, tortured arms to pull out two more tubes, this time slathering them over the gaping wounds in James's chest and stemming the flow of blood as the multi-purpose substance sped up the healing process at an alarming rate while it created a bio-synthetic layer that would keep the lifeblood in while it began to expertly suture the torn veins and shredded muscles. At least the blood had still been flowing, which was a good sign. It meant that the man's strong heart had still been beating. The only question remained was whether it would continue beating after all of this, especially after the damage that he'd suffered and the monumental amount of blood that he'd lost. Kaidan was again thankful that Ash had punched through the man's lower torso. She could have easily gone through the chest cavity and ended James's life in an instant, but who knew how logic worked in the heat of battle.

The sounds of tremendous fighting drew closer and Kaidan could almost taste the different biotic signatures and power flashes that singed the air. Kaidan could only lie there and wait as attacks pushed back the wall of flesh around them, again breathing a sigh of relief that Ash's last command to these monsters had been to avoid the circle around Kaidan at all costs.

It was over in about another minute.

Without the driving force of Ash's unified direction, the monsters had stood no chance, despite the increased variety and sheer numbers. Had they innovated and taken advantage of their attacks in ways that Ash had done while she had commanded, they might have still been a threat. As they were, attacking individually, they were as good as meat and Kaidan took the opportunity to lie there, gathering his strength and letting his heart beat and breathing even out from his near-death experience, feeling the tingling bruise already forming along his collar. Liara was the first to push through, using her singularity in multiple bursts that lifted the surrounding creatures and sent them flying as more attacks pushed them away and cleared the hostiles away.

"Kaidan!" Liara called desperately, voice pitched slightly higher from her worry. "Thank the Goddess!"

"James and Steve," Kaidan replied hoarsely as he struggled to push himself up, deny his body the rest that it craved now that he'd had a few minutes to recover as much as he could. "They're injured bad. See to them first. I'm alright." Speaking hurt right now and he didn't want to aggravate his throat more than it already had been.

Liara nodded quickly, turning back to call those with first-aid and medical experience to the fore as the rest continued relentlessly in their pursuit, sweeping away around them and pushing back the soon-to-be dead tide of Reaper machinery and flesh.

Kaidan breathed out, feeling the pin-prick stabs of pain as his abused throat shuddered and convulsed as he tried to suck in more oxygen from the stale air. Kaidan watched as the rest of the team swept out, widening their formation as they progressed in threes, then twos, sweeping out in vengeful arms to annihilate the last of the Reaper creatures. He turned his attention back over to Steve, who Liara was crouched over, and from the small smile on her lips he guessed that it was good news, that the pilot would live even if he'd spend months recovering from the severity of his wounds.

Miranda, on the other hand, did not seem to be smiling. Her face was a mask of concentration as Kaidan stood and wobbled his way over to the woman, watched as she splayed out her fingers over James's armoured chest and monitored his vitals while she made who-knew-what adjustments to the suit's systems and did everything that she could to keep him alive.

"How is he?" Kaidan rasped, rubbing slight fingers against the building bruise and wincing slightly as the pain shot back into him. "Is he going to... will he..."

"I can't say for sure," Miranda said tiredly, accent dropping as she continued to work without turning to him. "He's lost a lot of blood. Blood that the medi-gel can't actively replace. It'll keep him alive long enough to keep the oxygen transfer from stopping, but we're going to need more than medi-gel if he's to survive. He needs the Normandy and that doctor of yours."

"How is he even still alive?" Kaidan stared down in wonderment at James's pale face.

"He's stronger than he appears," Miranda said lightly, "And he appears to be built like a krogan. Perhaps he's fighting to stay alive."

"That's not what I meant-" Kaidan broke in but Miranda waved his protest away with a small chuckle.

"Forgive me," Miranda said quietly, "Post-fighting jitters. Adrenaline needs to leave some how. From the data that I've gathered, it appears that the attack pierced his stomach and part of his intestinal track. Nothing immediately life-threatening, the blood-loss was more worrying, but he might still die if it remains unattended. So far, the medi-gel is sealing off most of the damage and keeping everything where it should belong. So he won't be dying from any organ failure or acute poisoning."

"That's good news," Kaidan said as relief swept through him.

"For now," Miranda corrected, "We still need to get him out of here soon."

"Maybe we should take a fighter team," Kaidan suggested tiredly, "A three-man escort that could bring James out with them and over to the ship. Steve should go with them."

"That could work," Miranda said absently as she keyed crucial life-support programs from her omni-tool and inserted them into James's armour. "It seems things have cleared up here at least. Just a little more unfinished business. We could--"

 _Kaidan,_ came the urgent thought, almost shredding everything else in his head. _Kaidan!_

 _John!_ Kaidan thought out urgently, _What's the matter? What-_

 _The Reaper,_ Shepard thought quickly, _Something's happening..._

The connection broke as Kaidan struggled to keep it intact, but it didn't matter. The message was conveyed. Kaidan turned slowly around even as Miranda continued to speak and he felt horror and dread swarm within him as the gurgling flow of energy seemed to pulse. Flicker. And then stop. With a sudden jerking motion, the tubes surrounding the Reaper began to shudder with life and Kaidan watched as the energy stilled, and then very slowly, began to reverse it's flow, moving _into_ the Reaper rather than away.

"What is it doing?" Liara whispered in dark awe as she stared up from her crouched position over Steve. "Goddess. What is happening?"

"Who cares? Clear away!" Kaidan yelled as well as ruined throat would allow. "Clear away! Regroup! Regroup!"

The energy was moving too fast, and Kaidan had no idea of the mechanisms that the Reaper had built into this rock in order to turn it into whatever it was that the Reaper wanted, and despite his strong suspicions of a crude Mass Relay or a signal beacon of sorts, Kaidan knew that he had to make sure that other options were open and considered. For now, he reacted instinctively even as the group halted their progress and seemed to pull back, surging on his location. He didn't know how Reaper energy processes worked, and how such concentrated forms of power could move to and fro in that manner, but he didn't care and didn't want to find out. All he had to do was stop it.

Kaidan fisted the Blackstar in his hand, turning it over and watching as it folded out. The device was massive in his armoured fists, and he was just barely able to hoist it up over to point, tip first and the highest tube that he could find, a massive thing that was almost as large as the Reaper's dormant eye. Kaidan didn't wait. He squeezed the trigger and kept his finger there as the device began to shudder and shake in his grasp, vibrations curling out from the weapons and making his armour clatter as the motion travelled through him and shook him. The motion was intense and it was all he could do just to hold on to it, stubbornly refusing to let go as it mounted and mounted and a dark, glittering orb seemed to materialize in the very tip of the device. A small sound emitted out of the device as the orb grew to around the size of a Warp field and Kaidan kept an eye on it and the Reaper, noting how it wasn't growing any larger. Guess that meant it was ready.

Kaidan let his finger leave the trigger.

The weapon shook in his grip, tossing itself back to slam into his shoulder and he almost suspected that it had dislocated his arm from the pain, though he could still feel the complete range of motion as it swung the now empty weapon to the ground. The dark shining orb, the Black Star, shot through the air with all the speed of a Thannix Cannon and Kaidan could only watch as it flew through the empty space, buoyed by the awed silence around it and impacted against the tube of glowing energy.

The explosion dwarfed the one that had sent Ash off of her platform and instead of blowing the force out around it, it seemed to suck the air in from around them. The explosion was a mix of red and black, dark energy and whatever else had been used to create the projectile blooming out in a huge corona that swept everything into the massive outpouring of energy. Reaper metal and reinforced shielding were no match against the awesome destruction and Kaidan felt spots swarm over his eyes as the explosion ripped through the tube, shredding all of the smaller connections and wires alongside it and set fire to the liquid energy, causing more explosions to rip along side of the Reaper's shell. Kaidan let out an unconscious yelp of success which died on his lips as it was leaving halfway.

Ascendant's glowering, red eye seemed to flicker and wink, like the explosion had been a gentle nudge to awaken it, and Kaidan could only watch with thick dread as the oculus shone true and bright, beaming down to regard the insects at its feet. A sound like metal being twisted and torn, like emotionless death come to life, boomed out and echoed across the chamber, sending buffeting waves against them.

**Pitiful creatures. Your accomplishments here represent the ultimate failures of your fleeting lives. Do not run from your fate. You are already extinct.**

Kaidan swallowed as Ascendant unfurled itself delicately, the smaller frame seeming surreal as its legs shifted under the mass of its ruined body, tubes handing around stark shifts of metal and sparks shot and swam through the being's body. The gurgling continued as more and more power returned to the Reaper and Kaidan felt an instinctive sense of hopelessness wash over him. This was even worse than facing a two kilometre Sovereign-class ship. At least then, the inevitability of their end would be more complete and sure. Here, now, with the tantalizing beam of success just there, at the edge of reach, it seemed even crueller and more obscene that they were so close, only to fall under the behemoth's unheeding tread. This was the endgame, and there wasn't anything that they could do to avoid their fate.

 _Fight, Kaidan,_ Shepard whispered in his mind, rallying him. _You can win. I know you can. I'm here for you, Kaidan. You have to believe you can win. Come on soldier, we're all counting on you._

The words were a balm against his pain, the light to turn away the dark. Kaidan felt his self, his core, return to him as Shepard poured his faith, his hope and his love in through the bond and Kaidan felt a surge of strength from the man well up inside him, a vast reservoir of immeasurable power that comforted him while it shored him up.

Ascendant seemed not to care about the complex emotions that had moved through them all on its awakening.

It shifted slightly as the last of its pillar-like legs touched on the rocky floor of the chamber, crunching through the top most layer as its weight pressed it down, deeper and deeper into the surface. Its gaze barely swept the room, seemingly intent on its prey. On him.

With a buzzing whine, Ascendant powered up, sending powerful currents along its frame and Kaidan stared as a powerful, red shield seemed to wrap itself around the monstrosity, more and more power being drawn away as it prepared to annihilate them. With a casual motion, like a shrug, Ascendant leaned forward and stared emotionlessly at him, not even willing to address him or acknowledge him. It's only mission was to see him dead, so that they could take Shepard, and with that in mind, it sought to do just that.

The glass and metal around Ascendant's oculus began to shine, gathering more and more light into itself as the red flickering shadows turned into bright stabs of lightning. Kaidan swore, tried to shift away, but his legs were still numbed from his fight. He was hypnotized by the collecting pool of light and could only stare helplessly up as the stabbing, swirling motions seemed to dwindle, falling into one another and then stopping altogether.

Another screech of tortured metal burdened the air with its weight, like a siren call to the end. Everyone who had fought in the war, everyone who had come even close to fighting the monsters, knew that sound deeply, ingrained into them even as it called out primal urges to run and hide. It was the Reapers' calling out their destruction. Ascendant seemed to pause momentarily as the sound echoed faintly around the chamber, stunning them with its intensity, before a brilliant, incendiary beam, bleeding the air like a cut on skin, sliced through the space between them and smashed itself right into Kaidan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys and gals. As an author (hee hee, shameless!) I have a huge favour to ask of all of you, my wonderful and faithful readers. Be you anonymous, registered or anything in between, I'd really appreciate it if you could help me with the following, as a gesture for all the work and effort that I've put into writing this novel for you (and myself). Quid pro quo.
> 
> Now that this book is reaching its conclusion, I've been tinkering with a few more ideas. They will be similarly lengthy and in-depth and I'm hoping to churn out at least a large novella or maybe another whole novel. However, what I need your help with, is to vote on which idea appeals to you the most and would love to see as a fully-fledged written work. So, without further ado, I'd like to present some very basic ideas that have been swimming around in my head and I'd like you to comment on which one you prefer and I'll take note. As long as the comment doesn't have anything referring to this particular work, I'll be removing them. I'm not fishing for comments. This is the only way I know that can get me all of your valuable opinions. So:
> 
> 1\. An AU that is set in the a Universe without Reapers, though it will still be in the ME universe and the chronology will be about the same. Greater focus on Shepard and Kaidan's relationship, development etc. One of the biggest issues I have with my work is that the action takes precedence over the relationship development. It's difficult to get them both and one will surely overshadow the other. So this will be less action/plot oriented (it will still be there of course) and I may or may not be introducing the other characters as aliens. More like human versions of Garrus or Liara etc. It'll be quirky, fluffy and fun, with some tension and relationship angst worked within.
> 
> 2\. An Omegaverse AU. I love the Omegaverse concept and its a very primal and sexual kind of telling that most people will find intriguing, at least I hope. Lots of interesting new concepts and I'm still undecided whether I should parallel it along the lines of events that happened in the game or whether I should set it apart so that the Omegaverse history can be explored in greater detail. Like a more post-modern kind of setting on Earth with Shepard and Kaidan having their own unique backstories and developments.
> 
> 3\. A post-Legacy of Sacrifice work that will detail everything that may/may not have happened or be happening. It's a little vague but I don't want to spoil anything else. I feel that I've almost exhausted this story and its plots and what not, but I have a feeling that some of you may be interested to see a follow-up. If so, then let me know.
> 
> 4\. Another Post-ME3 work that is more realistic and less plot orientated. It'll focus on a Renegade Shepard and Kaidan relationship that will have angst and how Kaidan MAY develop feelings for a third party person. Potential for heart break and grittiness abound.
> 
> 5\. Switching Shepard/Kaidan in for any other protagonists from other games. Like a Tomb Raider version with Shepard and Kaidan, or a Dishonoured concept. Obviously AU, but it'll be interesting to see, if a little bland in the development and details I think.
> 
> 6\. Lastly, I know that there are a lot of people who are keen on the Supernatural/Teen Wolf/Vampire Diaries/Magical-mystical kind of Universes and I was thinking of creating an AU that involves Shepard and Kaidan that is set in a futuristic sci-fi universe that has both science AND magic, technology and the supernatural. Kind of like a cross between Dragon Age and Mass Effect. While I personally don't follow any of these concepts, I wonder how many would be excited to read about cross-overs, especially one with contrasting themes. As with the Legacy of Sacrifice, it will be more action and plot oriented and there won't be much space for exploring the complex beginnings, interactions and developments between Shepard and Kaidan (my OTP), though there will definitely be some, if not as much as I can squeeze in. Still, I am willing to do it if you all want. It will involve an inordinate amount of research, but I love that!
> 
> So! Those are my 6 big ideas. I'd love to do them all eventually, so this is more like a... which one would you all rather see first? Don't be shy, blast me with your preferences! I promise, you can put up your suggestion anonymously and once I've taken note, I'll remove it from the comments. If you have any other small prompts that you'd like me to do, me and my strange writing style, I'd be more than happy to try if you give me details and a little time. I'm currently collaborating with a FANTASTIC OP from the KinkMeme, and I could work with him/her on these little side projects that you give me. Other than that, I eagerly await your replies, dear readers!
> 
> Have a great weekend, wonderful, beautiful people!


	30. Sacrifice and Loss

Kaidan pulled his arms up, the metal along his limbs trying desperately to keep the light and heat away from him and the unconscious gesture made his vision a blur of dark and light.

A brief heart beat later, and with disbelief lowering his arms that were as they were before, left him staring at the deceptively thin barrier that churned around him, like a glass dome, as the last of the Reaper's attack scintillated harmlessly around across the circumference and spun away in vortices through the air. A soft groan shifted through the area as the barrier warped and then finally cracked, dark energy cindering and shifting away, leaving behind a dark, scorched mark in a circle around the three of them.

Ascendant seemed to power down, like a drunkard collapsing, though there were still flickering energies tracing along. It wouldn't be long before it pulled enough power through to power up a much more devastating blast.

Kaidan whipped around at a sound, to see Miranda and Liara panting with nerveless breaths, biotic residue sparking and coursing through their bodies as they shuddered through the massive outpouring of energy.

"Didn't expect that to work," Miranda replied breathlessly at his stunned look. She wasn't looking at him, staring at the empty space past him.

"It was..." Liara said in an exhausted voice, almost at the same time as Miranda spoke, "It was worth a shot. Might not have drawn enough power. Or else, we'd be dead."

Instincts snapped to the front, and Kaidan barely heard the sounds of the others scrambling toward them. Without turning toward them, Kaidan immediately assessed the situation before him, all the pieces coming together and forming a ramshackle plan in his head. His thoughts tumbled like a series of dominoes, and he snapped out orders as soon as they came into his head.

"Liara, Miranda," Kaidan said quickly, addressing the two women, "We need to move James and Steve out of here. Safest bet is beyond the doors. I'm going to try and Warp Shepard's restraints. I need you to use a Singularity beneath it. Maybe catch him as he falls."

"I'll try," Liara dredged up. She turned and quickly estimated the path of Shepard's fall and Kaidan had already localized a small Warp, building it up in his fingertips as he thought out to Shepard.

 _John,_ Kaidan began, _I need you to pull down, as hard as you can. When I say._

 _Sure, Kaidan,_ Shepard whispered softly in his head, _Say when._

Keeping his eyes trained on the mass of chains and metal cable, Kaidan flicked his hand out and sent a tiny amount of his biotic energy out, watching as the small, almost invisible sphere floated through the air and impacted lightly across the chains, twisting the metal and weakening their structure as it groaned and became brittle.

 _Now,_ Kaidan thought simply and Kaidan felt echoes of the pain as Shepard's skin cracked under the pressure he exerted, using what little strength he had within him to pull down on the weakened links.

At the same time, Liara threw a relatively small singularity, her reservoirs depleted after the enormous shield that she and Miranda had raised instinctively to block Ascendant's attack. The Reaper was already beginning to stir as Shepard's bonds strained, seemed to resist, and then broke apart, sending the man tumbling through the air only to be caught in Liara's Singularity field briefly, though his momentum pulled him down further and he slipped past the cushioning embrace and landed roughly along the broken floor.

"John!" Kaidan cried out as the jolt of pain shot through the bond and his voice was harsh and raspy from his previous beating at the hands of Ash. He ignored the pain. "Grunt, Admiral Anderson!" Kaidan called out, attracting the attention of the two individuals. "We need to get James and Steve out of here. I need your help to do it." Kaidan spoke up loudly as the two drew nearer, only pausing to snatch the Blackstar away from the back of James's armour.

"Why do I have to go?" Grunt rumbled in consternation and a little envy.

"Because of that," Anderson replied with a wave towards the steadily flickering lights along Ascendant, already helping Liara with Steve. "We're no good here. Either of us. Alenko needs artillery, support and more firepower than we have."

"Spirits!" Garrus yelped, "Too late! It's getting ready to fire!"

More energy pulsed and singed the air, building and growing as Ascendant pulled even more energy into its next attack, seeking to break through and slay him with incrementally increasing assaults.

"Move!" Kaidan tossed back at the group as he holstered the Blackstar and ran off toward where Shepard was lying, waving his arms around and shouting towards the Reaper, whose unerring gaze was fixed attentively onto his rushing form. "Over here you big pile of crap! I'm over here! Kill me, you piece of shit!"

The rest were getting closer and closer, drawing nearer to him as he raced over the broken ground as Miranda and Grunt lifted James as best they could, Liara and Anderson already rushing toward the doorway and away from him. His hunch was correct, he thought wildly to himself, as Ascendant's gaze tracked him on his progress. The Reaper didn't care about them, it only wanted him. And Shepard. With a skidding halt, Kaidan stepped in front of Shepard, holding his arms up as if he could bodily deflect the blow away from Shepard, raising his barrier up as strongly as he could, hoping that the Reaper wouldn't fire on him when he was this close to Shepard.

Ascendant finished powering up its attack, but held back from unleashing its awesome weapon as it seemed to stare down at him consideringly.

**Your efforts are a futile attempt to resist. It is inconsequential. You assume to know us, to understand our motives, but we are so far beyond you that you cannot even hope to brush against our barest concepts.**

Kaidan swallowed as the Reaper spoke to him, sound pushing against him as it sought to claw through his ears. Sweat trickled over his skin and nervousness ticked through him, causing the adrenaline to spike in his system as Ascendant paused in its glorifying threat, seemed to turn its gaze to the side, before continuing.

**You are not worth the effort to smother you.**

The beam shot forward through the air and Kaidan barely let himself be surprised as he lashed out, throwing his barrier around himself and Shepard as a sharp cry came from the side. Other familiar flickerings joined his own and layers of power wrapped themselves around him, forming a cocoon of energy that built up, tougher and stronger. Dark energy met dark energy, and the force sent him stumbling as they ate through one another and reflected the attack, sending it out to splay against the tiny refuge around him. As the colours faded and the heat curled away, leaving the shaky barrier behind, Ascendant seemed to pause again, looking down at him like an insect that it would gladly tear apart and torture.

Kaidan felt his lips curl up in a sneer as he refused to budge an inch, refused to move his shelter away from Shepard. Dammit, he was a Sentinel to the core. He hoisted the Blackstar in his grip and raised it heavily toward the next furthest group of tubes, running along to the side and pumping life-giving energy into the Reaper monstrosity before him. Kaidan held the armament up with one arm, watched with satisfaction as the Reaper prepared another blast to throw at him, ostensibly to counter the attack with one of its own. Taking a page out of Jack's book, Kaidan grinned mirthlessly as he raised his free arm and brought it down in a sharp, chopping gesture.

"Fuck you," Kaidan spat out.

The blast took Ascendant by surprise as Garrus launched his own Blackstar, taking his cue from Kaidan while he had distracted the Reaper with the huge weapon in his hands. Without being able to turn in time, the shot rang through, fired by one of the greatest marksmen the galaxy had birthed and sped unerringly through the air and crashed into another tangle of tubes along the lower part of the Reaper's gathered legs. The explosion rocked them back, but Kaidan was prepared for it, watching for his opening as Ascendant shook with the impact, warbling its unmistakable cry as another trail of power was cut off from it.

Ascendant swooned and swerved from the blast wave, gathering itself up slowly as it turned its attention over to the group to the side, unwisely ignoring Kaidan as it sought to take out what it perceived as the greater threat. The gurgling rush of liquid energy pulsed deeper through the air, more power pulling itself into the Reaper's frame as it turned its malevolent gaze over to the larger group, power already building up for an even bigger attack.

Kaidan moved off to the side with quick steps, pulling the Blackstar out and training it on the point that he had aimed at previously during his feint, but this time, with every intention of going through with his actions. He held the trigger as he distanced himself away from Shepard and the rest of his friends, feeling the comfortable whine in build up in his hands as the weapons drew in more power, dark energy begging to be released. Kaidan obliged.

Releasing the trigger just as he cleared its aim, the Blackstar bucked and pushed back against him, sending him tumbling. That was nothing compared to the surge that shot out from the spent nozzle, a glittering black ball that shot through the space just as Ascendant lowered itself to fire at the others. The impact shook the walls and sent cracks racing along the Reaper's frame as it took out another series of tubes, denying it access to even more power as it burned away the fuel and energy, incinerating the metal and glass. The force knocked Ascendant askew, blast going wide even as it let loose and the beam traced a line against the floor and wall as it went wide, etching a silvery-red line in his sight as Ascendant shook and wavered, weakening further.

Most of the biotics had been recovering from the initial outpouring of energy and didn't have enough time to layer any strong protections. Their meagre barriers managed to deflect most of the blast but stray licks of power and force had cracked through the shell, scattering them and sending them tumbling to the ground. Kaidan was already sprinting toward them, throwing the now useless weapon in his hands away even as he pulled out his assault rifle and fired at the large machine, uncaring of whether he was effectively damaging the creature. The desire to see it break, to see it shattered, was too great, and his adrenaline was peaking and covering the world in sharp gauze that made him want more.

Ascendant stumbled slightly, dependant on only one series of tubes for its power and even as it shifted and unbalanced, it moved to use its bulk to block the vulnerability of its only weakness. Kaidan raced forward, picking up speed as his muscles sang with pain, but he was too lost in the moment, so close to the end, and with the knowledge that the Reaper would need more time to power up its next attack, Kaidan pushed himself onward.

Pulling himself up to a stumbling halt beside a groaning Wrex who was already beginning to apply medi-gel to the most serious of his wounds, Kaidan wordlessly took the Blackstar away from the krogan, tossing his now empty assault rifle to the ground as he holstered the large, destructive thing onto his back.

"Wrex," Kaidan spoke quickly, keeping his eyes trained on Ascendant, "I need a distraction. Take Samara's Blackstar, and when I'm close enough, I need you to try and fire at the tubes."

Wrex was silent a moment as he struggled to pull himself up, haste making him less concerned with his own injuries even as they knitted together. "You got some quads, Alenko. I'll get it done. Where're you gonna be going?"

"To finish this," Kaidan rasped quietly.

The whine of servos and mechanisms told him that the Reaper was preparing to attack again and Kaidan didn't waste time with checking to see if the rest of his friends were unwounded. Words wouldn't win the day and every second given to him meant a greater chance of success. Pumping his tired legs across, he sped toward Javik, who was lying prone nearby and recovering from the backlash of the last attack, and picked the Blackstar that had been given to the Prothean beforehand up in his arms, feeling the weight drag against him as he swivelled to confront Ascendant. Now he had two with him. And Wrex was trying to get his hands on Samara's. They only had three chances to end this.

The Reaper's red 'eye' seemed to watch him carefully as he stood there, hefting the Blackstar in his arms as he stalked carefully to the side. Kaidan smiled a thin smile through gritted teeth, moving back carefully away from the those who were recovering from the attack and always tracking each twitch that coursed through the machine before him. Ascendant looked unsure, zealously guarding its last link behind itself and moved careful to manoeuvre itself away from the tip of the weapon in his arms, shifting almost imperceptibly with each step that he took. The reversal was something that he could appreciate. Carefully taking note of the clear space around him, most of the Reaper's minion's corpses having burnt away in the first few blasts,  Kaidan took a steadying breath, hoisted the large device and did the only thing he could think to do.

With a brutal shout, Kaidan charged the intervening space between himself and the Reaper.

The tactic seemed to twist Ascendant off balance, and the hesitation in the gigantic machine was enough that Kaidan could force the last of his strength into a barrier around him, while his burning legs pushed him ever onward. His barrier wasn't even half of what he could normally pull out of his amp, but at this range, with the amount of energy that the Reaper had been drawing in, a direct hit would have meant death anyway. Kaidan merely hoped that he would be able to survive glancing strokes and would be relying on fatigued reactions to make it through the daunting barrage.

It came almost immediately as the thought entered his mind, Ascendant obviously not caring what kind of a threat he posed, and merely accepting the fact that he would be a danger to it. Bright beams, thin and almost ethereal seemed to scratch through the air, almost as thick as his body, but with less intensity than its other previous attacks, though a direct strike would incapacitate him enough for the Reaper to annihilate him. Kaidan dodged to the side as the heated energy sliced down, carving a furrow along the energy-hungry stone at his feet. He moved to the side again and again, barely hopping out of range as the Reaper's wild attacks swung down and carved out his path, desperately trying to keep him away from it. Kaidan was relentless. The chips of stone shrapnelled through the air and scored at his armour and face and he tried to duck away, tried to ignore the pain of having the razor sharp slivers strike against his skin. The lances of power shone down around him and he used every ounce of training and skill, all the extra energy and dexterity that his armour could provide for him, to weave and dodge, praying for a chance. Just a chance.

He dodged and moved, rolled and ran, shutting down the klaxon within his mind as pain seeped through every part of his body, lactic acid begging him to stop. His barrier sparked and shone with every pass of the beam, and the stray tendrils of power caressed against the surface around him, draining more of his energy as he sped along, Blackstar in hand, running for all he was worth. Ascendant seemed to groan with frustration, and it sent a horizontal stab of power directly in front of him and Kaidan narrowly jumped back, almost having his feet incinerated in the wave. The strikes were getting weaker and more numerous, the Reaper spacing them out to cover as much ground as it could and Kaidan was practically dancing around the hungry points, breath tearing through his mouth and scratching at his throat. He couldn't take much more of this.

A blast shook the air, the last Blackstar that the group had had, piercing the rain of missiles and lasers as it smashed into the core nexus of the Reaper's leg joints. While the area was heavily reinforced, the strength of the attack was enough to have Ascendant falter and twist against the shock, wildly spraying the walls behind Kaidan with flack as it wobbled and sought to regain its balance. One of the legs were a molten puddle, having succumbed to some structural weakness that had allowed the Blackstar's energy to sluice through and Kaidan took a bare moment to heave a deep, grateful breath, watching as minute pinpricks of attacks and rounds, Overloads and Incinerates, Warps and Shockwaves surged up from the beleaguered group. They had spread out, making themselves harder to target and were peppering and harrying the Reaper with attacks that did nothing except distract the monster, causing it to flail wildly as its energy levels built up again. It was enough.

Kaidan _ran_. He stared at the critical cluster of tubes just behind the Reaper, practically beneath the several tonnes of metallic death, and he immediately rolled to the side as a large metal leg crashed down against the ground just seconds behind where he'd been. A darkness seemed to eclipse the world and without a moment's hesitation, he rolled back and to the side again. Again and again as vast towers of Reaper metal pounded the ground around him and his breath was sawing at the back of his throat, his amp a tingly nexus of pain and energy and heat. Without stopping his movements and making random, jagged motions, Kaidan continued to shift and pull away from the tromp of feet, raining down heavily upon him. He was lost in the moment, pulled into the immediacy of survival and the need to see this end, and his body felt far away as he rolled and moved, inching ever closer to the exposed tubes. A harsh cry sounded and Kaidan heard the Reaper warble as a small explosion cracked another one of its legs, a focused, combined biotic attack that had succeeded in exploiting another weakness. Ascendant seemed to pause in its attempts to crush him as it twisted one of its supports, rotating it down to the side to make up for the loss of a second leg on the same side, and that was all the opportunity that Kaidan had needed.

Kaidan squeezed the trigger on the Blackstar in his hands, taking small hops backwards so that he could clear the shot and when the hum became stable and comfortable in his grip, Kaidan immediately raised the weapon up and sighted the last mass of tubes, not even bothering to revel in his success as he released the mechanism and sent the dark energy hurtling toward the space above him. The explosion sounded beautiful to his tired ears, and he trained his eyes on the fire and combustion of energy, felt the wash hit him even as it shoved the leg that was beginning to descend down upon him. The force was so near to the area that it warped the metal surround that part of the Reaper's form, twisting it around and making its footfall land wide of him, shaking him to his knees as the ground trembled.

Dropping the spent weapon to the ground and pouring every ounce of strength into his barrier, Kaidan stared up at the malevolent gaze that was directly above him, glaring hatefully down at him as it continued to shine brighter and brighter. He had pulled the last Blackstar from his back, their last chance at victory. His fingers squeezed along the trigger even as the light began to flicker and shudder.

**Meatling. Waste of flesh. We are your death. Embrace cold oblivion. No matter what is done this day, we will still exist. We will still _end_ you.**

"You first," Kaidan gasped out, releasing his hold on the trigger.

The energy leapt up, beautifully dark and disappeared into the harsh glare above him even as he pushed himself into a stumbling lurch that pulled him back, as far away as he could manage on his leadened feet, trying to move as far away as he could before the impact.

Ascendant fired its last build up of concentrated energy, the beam crashing perfectly into the dark ball just as it hit the tip of the oculus. Dark energy blossomed in the air, splintering and growing out in an umbrella of power that shunted the Reaper's final attack back toward itself, shattering the mechanisms within the core of its body. The energy continued upward, propelled by the force of Kaidan's own attack and the resulting explosion was massive, twice the size of any before, as two concentrated points met and ate away at each other, expanding out. Ascendant seemed to scream, the sound of failing metal and snapping cables, and the blast continued relentlessly ferocious, eating its way through the superstructure and churning through the Reaper's main body, turning terminals and energy banks, metal supports and structures into liquid ash. The blast pushed against him, sending him flying back from the proximity, and he dully felt the scrap of the ground as he slid away from the collapsing Reaper, suit already overloaded from the feedback and physical stress that he'd put it through and Kaidan paused to admire the view of disintegrating metal even as he finally slid to a stop, coming to rest, facing the chained explosions ripping through the Reaper and the rain of molten metal as it shot through the air in a brief shower of sparks.

The blast had sped up as more and more explosions ripped through the superstructure and dismantled Ascendant apart from within like a toy. With a whining snap, his barrier shatter and Kaidan choked back a harsh breath as his amp fizzled against the pain and neural shock, the recoil sending electrical tremors racing down his spine. Kaidan kept his gaze fixed determinedly onto the Reaper's quickly disintegrating form, metal flying lazily through the air in dull loops as more explosions rocked the creature and as they stuttered to a halt, and the silence impressed itself once more onto all of them, an intrusive thought finally broke through the haze of pain and disbelief in his head. Kaidan could hardly believe it.

They had won.

A cry surged through the rest of the scattered group as the Reaper finally collapsed, an almost unrecognizable heap of slag and charred devices and Kaidan pushed himself up on disjointed limbs, bracing his weight on his knees as he finally cracked a smile, blood and soot staining his features and skin as his armour crackled at his movements. They had done it, he thought giddily, at last, it was over.

 _Kaidan,_ came the reassuring sending from Shepard, _You did it, sweetheart. You--_

A sudden, sharp cry tore through the air and Kaidan whipped around at the sound coming from behind him, the tones and voice as familiar to him as his own, and felt the world slow down as his addled brain processed what had to be an impossible sight.

Just a few meters back, Ash stood on crumpled legs, a hand braced against the gaping whole in her chest and the ruptured metal that fanned out of the wound. Her face was a rictus of pain and hate, blazing out of her face and casting it in a demonic light as she stood over Shepard like an avenging angel. Kaidan felt his limbs move through the air like it was superheated water, thick and sludgy, and it seemed to cling to him covetously as his eyes widened as shock penetrated him to his core. Ash didn't even bother to look up at him, her grin victorious even as rivulets of dark blood ran over her features and added lurid strokes against the dark of her armour. Her mouth seemed to open slowly, like the galaxy was giving him the chance to appreciate the absolute horror of the moment as she stood above Shepard, a piece of jagged metal in her hand and poised to strike. Her voice carried thickly through to him even as Shepard scrambled to raise a weakened hand up to deflect the coming blow.

"At... last... Skipper," Ash spurted out, "You're.... _mine._ "

The dull metal poised itself in the air like an inverted tear, before it arched down and plunged right into Shepard's body, sending a wave of pain shooting through to Kaidan from the link between them. He felt disjointed as he watched Ash raise the gory thing again and the pain in him swelled as the metal tore through flesh and muscle on its reversal. The feeling sharpened him, sent him over the edge, and with a roar, Kaidan threw his fist out and sent a wave of biotic energy pulsing through the space between them. The Shockwave ripped through Ash's head, tearing the thing away from her shoulders and spraying the area with metal and flesh, coagulating blood and bits of scrap as the body at last, slumped down in delicate rest, the monster finally slain and put down.

Kaidan scrambled up, slipping over the rocky ground in his haste and feeling his armour crack and shudder as he tried to pull himself up on dead limbs. A tearing feeling shot through his left shoulder as he forced it to pull himself up, and he knew that his shoulder had dislocated itself with the action, the joint having been forced through too much. He didn't care, in fact he clutched at the stabbing pain like a lifeline, using it to fuel himself onward as he stuttered over to Shepard's body. His knees moved with jerky motions as he crawled over, stumbling and weaving through the barest few meters between himself and his lover and he cursed the distance even as he closed it.

Kaidan ignored the ruined corpse of Ashley Williams as the man before him stared up at him with brilliant blue eyes, eyes the colour of sky and sea, of promises, and a small smile seemed to play across blood-lined lips, flecks trailing through the air to stain his cheeks and chest.

"Kaidan," Shepard coughed out as more blood fanned out. "It's done."

"Don't John," Kaidan gasped out, barely able to form the words, "Don't speak." Kaidan saw the jagged tears in Shepard's flesh, watched as more of the man's precious blood and life, slipped away wastefully and washed over the burnt and tortured skin along the man's torso.

"I..." Shepard managed to squeeze out, "I'm dying..."

"Shut up! Shut up John!" Kaidan shouted frantically, pressing his ruined hands down against to stem the flow of blood. He dispensed a medi-gel capsule in his free hand, immediately pressing it down on to the wound and hearing the reassuring hiss of the tube emptying itself into the man. His breathing eased slightly as the versatile fluid began to work its magic but Kaidan knew that this close to all the vital organs, he would need more. The tube finished dispensing its load and Kaidan pulled it out gently before he hurled it off to the side. That was good, now all that he needed to do was get another tube out and seal the wound with--

His suit's armour spoke in bland tones, informing him that he had no more medi-gel capsules left within him.

Kaidan stared numbly as the blood continued to flow between his fingers. The sendings in his head were a rioting mash of thoughts and emotions and he was almost overwhelmed by the friction that built up between their minds as unsaid words and burning promises laced the link, clashing against one another as they shot through invisible lines and into one another. Hope, fury, despair. Love.

"Kaidan, don't..." Shepard said quietly as his hands moved up slowly from his sides, jerking with the effort and Kaidan saw as the weakened, battered hand moved up over his own, the suit's haptic sensors ruined so that even in this moment, he couldn't feel Shepard's warmth against his own skin.

"Don't tell me what to do, Shepard!" Kaidan hissed, keeping the pressure steady. There had to be other forms he could use, he told himself stubbornly. He tried to recall his first-aid training but realized that he didn't have any of the necessary things on his person. They'd become too reliant on medi-gel, and he cursed his stupidity and lack of preparation as he continued to scroll through the aged information within his head, trying to claw out a solution even as his soul was breaking under the strain of Shepard's pain.

"So stubborn..." Shepard whispered up at him as his eyes shone with fresh tears, the smile seeming to grow.

Kaidan didn't think anymore as a thought struck him. He stripped off his armour, running through the protocols and wrenching the ruined metal to the side as the clasps pulled away, unheeding of the sounds of approaching footsteps and the sharp clatter of metal on the ground. With a harsh cry, Kaidan shifted his dislocated arm up to apply pressure on Shepard's wound as his free, stronger arm move and pulled at the under suit that he wore, desperate energy shredding the material and baring his bruised skin as he tried to work his fingers up, tried to tear away strips that would bind the gaping hole in Shepard's body and keep the life-blood within.

"Too late, Kaidan..." Shepard said softly, turning his tired, aching eyes to watch the approaching group behind Kaidan.

Kaidan called over his shoulder even as he kept his own eyes on Shepard. "Medi-gel! I... I need medi-gel! Anyone!"

A round of hesitant, negative responses seemed to tear into his chest and he felt a warm line trace itself down his cheek as a tear trembled its way over the dirt and grime over his skin. Shepard smiled slightly up at him again, seeming to nod in his direction even as calls for medi-gel rounded through the air and was met with another series of negation, each admission pummelling his already bruised chest.

"No, John, god no," Kaidan wept brokenly, "Dammit, don't do this to me. You _can't_ do this to me!"

"No choice... sweetheart," Shepard choked out, coughing up another mist of red, "Don't want to go. But... no... choice."

"We'll get you to the ship," Kaidan rasped out, vision blurring as the tears built up again, pouring and gathering under his chin. "Doctor Chang will save you, we just need to get you to the Normandy. She'll.. She'll..." Kaidan was already hooking his free arm under Shepard's back, biting back the scream that built up as his ruined shoulder protested against the pull. It had to be another thirty minutes at most, back to the Normandy. He could do it, he--

"Kaidan," Shepard said sharply, despite his injuries, and Kaidan's thoughts stuttered to a halt as the group moved up around them, a respectful circle watching in silence as their saviour lay dying, nestled in his lover's arms. "Kaidan... I..." Shepard coughed again, less blood spraying out, and Kaidan felt alarm twist sharply within him as he watched the trickle beneath his hands dwindle. "I need to... I... I'm sorry, but..."

Shepard raised his other arm, pushing out a tiny object from there that seemed to clatter noisily against the metal sides of his armoured hand. Kaidan stared down at the silver, scratched ring, dented and torn, but still an unmistakable circlet. It shone in the dull light and Kaidan could only feel the tight hammering in his chest, the ripping stabbing pain within him as he recognized the band, knowing what it stood for before the words could even enter through the link they shared or leave Shepard's mouth.

"Marry me... Kaidan," Shepard whispered as his eyes began to waver, the tears tracking through the torn skin and blood, smoothing the panes of anguish on the other man's face. A soft, tearing feeling started in his chest.

Kaidan wept in ragged sobs, the sound torn from him as he blocked out everything else around him, nothing but Shepard in his arms and the metal band at his side.

"God dammit, John," Kaidan raged through his sorrow, "Why? Why now? We could have... we should have..."

"Didn't... want to... burden you... Didn't want to.... give you a cripple for a... husband."

Kaidan slammed a fist down on the ground, feeling the pain shoot up his hand even as his other pressed even deeper into the wound along Shepard's torso. It was nothing compared to the ripped, shredded hollow where his heart had once been. "You stupid, fucking idiot! I... I can't... Don't do this to me, please... I..."

"Then I'll die..." Shepard said simply, fingers tracing along Kaidan's own. "I'll die... without hearing you say it..."

"You're not dying!" Kaidan yelled out into the empty air, "You gotta get up John, you have to live... we..."

"I can't." The truth of the statement stabbed him anew and he could see the river of red between his fingers trickle off, turning into tiny streams that were quickly drying out. Shepard's breathing was beginning to slow, and his eyes were wavering even as tears continued to pour forth.

"You _can_ ," Kaidan sobbed, even as pulse slowed and life ebbed.

"Goodbye... Kaidan... I... I love you..." Shepard said almost too softly to hear and Kaidan watched as the man smiled his familiar, cock-sure grin up at him, so beautiful in this moment.

"God dammit!" Kaidan wept out as fresh tears trailed hotly down his cheeks to patter uselessly against Shepard's chest. "God dammit! I'll... I'll tell you I love you, John... I'll say whatever you want... We can... we can have everything... Just you and me... Just please, _please_ , don't... don't leave me like this... not again..."

Shepard lay quiet as his eyes closed, the smile still etched with serene grace onto the man's face.

Kaidan choked out another sob. "John, no... Please... I love you, John. Yes... I'll marry you. I'll always be with you. Don't go... Don't say good bye. I'll marry you. Please, John..."

Kaidan's hands shook as Shepard's arms slid to the side, bouncing slightly against the hard ground. A soft sound broke through the silence around him as Kaidan stared down at Shepard, a stifled sob and a quiet epitaph. A hand placed itself onto his shoulder, trying to pull him away from Shepard.

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Kaidan," Garrus ground out at last, multi-toned voice thick with grief. "I'm so sorry..."

A brutal, animalistic sound tore through the still air, rebounding off the stone walls and crackling against the sounds of falling, ruined metal and dying sparks. A sharp, tearing made its way through his throat and it was only when Kaidan took a shuddering breath and the sound started again along with the deep, soul-wrenching pain, did he realize that the wail was coming from himself.

He poured his hatred, his anger and his overwhelming despair into the sound, feeling it shred its way up his chest and through his throat. He screamed his denial as more hands placed themselves on him, trying to shift him away from Shepard, but he hunched over, protectively keeping them from reaching Shepard. He bent himself over, feeling the abstract pinch of metal on his stomach as he buried his face into Shepard's chest, breathing in the scent of the man, of love and the promise that they had kept for one another. The ring crunched against the ground as his hands splayed out uselessly over it, and Kaidan continued to wail his pain, sobbing harsh tears that washed through the dried blood, mixing with the red and painting Shepard's body like a canvas, a river of stories and broken futures that etched itself into the man. Kaidan gripped even tighter onto Shepard, roughly pushing back against the hands around him as he continued to howl his lament, like a piece of himself had died within and would never come back.

John Shepard was dead, and his love hadn't been enough to bring the man back. The man who had been the single, brightest star in a galaxy full of dim lights, slipped away, and he forced himself to hold onto the thought, forced himself to hold onto Shepard, as his mind seemed to shatter under the weight of the realization.

Only within himself, like a single ember lighting up a starless night, did his bond to Shepard flicker and gutter, still burning relentless through his pain. The brilliant orb within him seemed to smile at him and Kaidan felt the warmth seep into him as it shook and trembled through his visceral shouts and desperate sobs, lighting the way and reminding him that Shepard truly was going to always be with him.


	31. Even Death May Die

The sky was shot through with brilliant light and an easy breeze that carried soft moisture and the smell of life through to the assembled group. The grass moved in delicate, swaying movements, pressing up against the leggings and footwear of the delegates and bright specks of dew imprinted themselves playfully against the soft material. The conversation was muted and dimmed, buzzing through the air like insect noise, and it swelled and moved with the wind as words were carried away into the achingly blue, cloudless sky.

Liara took a deep breath as she closed her eyes, picking apart the unique scents in the air even as her mind throbbed with dull pain. To distract herself away from the futile thoughts of loss and regret, she turned her gaze up to stare at the sky, that wondrous, otherworldly blue, and spied a crystal diadem hanging in the full void like a piece of jewellery, the partially rebuilt Citadel floating over them like a protective deity even as it spied their proceedings.

The shuffling murmurs caught her attention and brought her back to the small gathering as individuals drifted away from their small groups and picked their way across the easy earth and over to their seats, arranged with severe intensity and all facing a bier that was made entirely out of pure, white wood, crowning an platform that was just as sharp in the day's light. Despite the intensity of the sun, the mood was as cool as the wind, and Liara breathed another sigh as she made her way over to the front of the assemblage, placing herself squarely in between Garrus and Kaidan.

Garrus had chosen to askew his usual armour in honour of his departed friend, and he stood sat with military severity that eased when Liara had approached and placed herself gracefully in the seat next to him. He turned an awkward nod in her direction, words between them already said so much and repeated over the last two weeks, and between such long time friends, there really wasn't anything else to say in a situation like this. Liara shifted slightly in the formal asari dress that she had procured, one that had been given to her by her mother before Benezia had disappeared in the madness that had started this all, and the only other time that she'd worn it was during her recognition of Javik as her bond mate.

Admiral Hackett and Admiral Anderson shuffled up onto the raised platform, sending out a rippling wave of silence in their wake as their movements drew everyone's attention over to the raised bier of wood, and the body that lay there, in stark contrast to pure white. Shepard's dark N7 armour, restored and fresh, lay in quiet repose, both arms placed against his sides, and moisture gathered in Liara's eyes at the sight, a sight she had tried desperately to ignore since she had arrived for this private gathering, in a remote location on Earth that she had never heard of before. It was an even greater irony that such sadness had to be mocked by Shepard's homeworld, how the weather seemed to joke and smile at the galaxy's loss and Liara couldn't help but feel a dull ache throb within her in response to the injustice of the moment.

"Thank you delegates," Hackett opened when the silence lay across them like a blanket. "We'd like to thank you, on behalf of Earth, for taking the time to accept our invitation to honour one of the greatest heroes the galaxy has ever seen."

Liara paused to filter out the sound, letting the speech wash over her as she catalogued the words and divorced it of emotion. She turned her head almost imperceptively, watching Kaidan out of the corner of her eye as the man sat, ramrod straight and dressed in his stark military uniform that screamed formality and looked almost as uncomfortable as Liara felt. Kaidan's eyes were clear and dry, but a grim line made itself known on the man's lips, and the slight tightening around his eyes hinted at a bubbling cauldron of emotions that lay within him, just beyond reach, and his forehead stitched a fearsome mien as he stared, not at Shepard's body, but at the feet of his superiors as they continued to speak.

Liara's thoughts turned inward at the sight. It had only been two weeks, but it still felt like hours ago that they had heard the awful truth, had seen the broken body and heard Kaidan's hysterical sobs. It had almost been enough to unhinge her, and despite the fact that she had at least another nine hundred years to get used to the concept, she was getting very tired of the careful bearing expected of them as some of the galaxy's oldest and most respected people.

Kaidan had been almost deranged when they'd brought him and Shepard aboard the Normandy, no triumphant yells and glorious shouts heralding their arrival, just an hour behind herself and Miranda. Steve and James were already being attended to in the medical bay, and Liara was about to head back down into the dank, subterranean lair when a staggering Garrus and Wrex had heaved Shepard up onto the metallic deck at her feet, Kaidan still dragging himself behind his lover.

The grim set of looks, the broken sobbing, was enough to convince Liara that the med-bay was better suited to care for the living than for the preparations of the dead.

"It has been a painful burden," Hackett continued, though Liara was hardly paying attention. "For us, as well as for the man, the saviour, who united us together. Even as we come together to grieve his loss, we also must realize that we bear a burden almost as difficult as the one that he did during the war. To fight, to persevere and to live."

There had almost been a fight between them, Kaidan and herself, as she had tried to gently suggest that Shepard's body be placed in the life-support modules along the crew deck, so that it could be better preserved within the dark glass, out of sight as they began to mourn. Kaidan had been ferocious in his denial, had pulled rank and his insistence on his desperation and had shuttled the man into the med-bay even when his own body could hardly carry itself under its own weight. It had been a different kind of heartbreak, though one no less painful, to see her quiet, intense friend so lost and broken.

They had tried to console him, to bring him back to the land of the living with them, but Kaidan had ignored them as he pushed his stumbling way into the med-bay, with herself, Garrus and a few others following closely behind his heels and he had locked the door behind him, almost barrelling into Doctor Chang in his haste to get Shepard's corpse seen to. Liara could only watch with morbid fascination through the glass as Kaidan loomed over the poor, huddling doctor, and had forced her to care for the dead body that was taking up one of her tables. No matter what she did, no matter what she had tried, Kaidan's face was nothing but pure agony as Doctor Chang continued to shake her head which each failed treatment, each floundering option, and in the end, Kaidan had broken down again, weeping into the Normandy's cold metal as he smashed his injuries into the ground and gave voice to anguish anew.

"Shepard would have wanted us to know," Hackett spoke in strong tones, "That his sacrifice would not have been in vain. Even after all that we had put him through, all the pressures that he subjected him to, he found it within himself to rally our tattered might. He found the strength to save the galaxy again. For this we are, again, grateful to the fallen soldier in our midst, and Shepard would have been proud to know this." Liara flinched as Kaidan's clenched fist bumped into the side of her chair, shaking in its intensity even as the man continued to stare blankly at the podium, letting the words wash uselessly over him. A scratched and silvery band stood out sharply against his tanned skin and it shone whitely in the bright daylight.

When they'd managed to convince him to see to his grievous wounds, Liara had noticed the same band clenched jealously in Kaidan's fist and hadn't paid it much attention at the time. There had been other, more pressing matters to deal with, and it was only once Kaidan had recovered enough that he could walk without aid or stumbling, did the man carry Shepard himself, in gently trembling arms as tears soaked into his clothing, reverently carrying the still form over to the life-support pods and placing it softly within, sealing the tube shut himself. Liara's throat had closed as she had watched Kaidan run a loving, tender hand over the glass before him, returning briefly to the med-bay to see to the rest of his injuries before sealing himself up in Shepard's cabin. EDI had been coerced into giving them all hourly reports as to Kaidan's state-of-mind and each time, it was the same. Kaidan was like a ghost, lurking within the space that he had shared with Shepard, and while they had all ached to go up to console him, nobody had wanted to intrude on the man's grief and privacy after he had almost attacked Garrus when the brash turian had tried that same day, without their knowledge. The hurled insults and broken sobs that had trailed out were more painful than any brawling wounds that might have been shared between the two.

The running of the Normandy had moved on with quiet ease as the feeling of loss and anguish deepened, everyone pausing in their duties to glance over at the life-pod that held the lifeless body of their friend and mentor. Liara had caught herself running a hand along the metal at times when grief had overwhelmed her, and her sharp senses had picked out a few individuals who had done the same during their return to Earth. Admiral Anderson had smoothly taken over, delegating tasks and maintenance that was formality more than anything else, and everyone had fallen into careful, familiar rhythms within the ship during their short journey. Everyone except Kaidan.

Everyone had stayed out of the man's way when he finally emerged, smiles and comforting gestures sliding off of him like water on glass. He had been wearing Shepard's N7 jacket for the entire journey back to Earth, and nothing they said or did could pry him out of it. He'd ignored their considering stares as he made his way unerringly over to Shepard's life pod and spoke to the dead man in brittle tones, conveying heartfelt words that were whispered painfully around their quiet steps. Nobody had wanted to broach the subject of a short memorial, held to honour Shepard, though someone had thoughtfully placed the man's name alongside the memorial wall. If Kaidan had known about the event, he didn't say anything to anyone that Liara knew about, practically sleeping and living beside Shepard's life-pod. It was ironic that a machine that had been designed to preserve life, was instead, preserving a corpse.

A smattering of applause broke through the sudden silence as Hackett folded the pad he'd been reading from under his arm and stepped back, letting Anderson take the podium.

"Shepard was..." Anderson began thickly, clearing his throat even as he struggled for decorum. "Shepard is a great man. A legend. One that we cannot even hope to compare to. He was like a son to me, and I still can't believe, after everything he'd been through in his life, he could come out so strong and so dependable. An honourable and courageous man. I'm proud of him, more than anyone else I've had the honour of knowing." Anderson looked like he wanted to say more, but he paused slightly as he ran a considering look over their assembled group, eyes resting apologetically on Kaidan, who returned the look blandly. Without another word, Anderson cut off his speech, nodded slightly to them all, and then took a step back.

Hackett shook his head briefly as he took to the stand again, saluting them crisply and Liara flinched as a unified crack of rounds sang through the air, earning a rowdy round of murmurs from the non-human delegates. Kaidan continued to watch the proceeding with dead eyes.

Liara found herself counting down the shots as they rang through the air and they seemed to beat in time with the flailing in her chest. Each sound, each reverberating shot, seemed to echo up from within her, stirring memories. The Prothean dig where they had found her. Benezia. Illos. Illium. Mars. The words and names, pathways that she had walked countless times before, turned and twisted within her and the moisture in her eyes spilled over as she watched sadly, the last of the rounds expending themselves against the empty air. Without another word, Hackett stepped back and seemed to confer with Anderson briefly, who was only just lowering his salute. A few more seconds of discussion, and a signal from the Admiral called up a quartet of individuals. A human, an asari, a turian and a salarian. The supposed pillars of the galaxy's greatest races.

They held shining brands within their grasps, and as one, they turned toward the bier with practised motions, igniting the wood that was soaked in spirits and perfumes, setting fire to the entire structure. Everyone on the platform stepped back as the fire caught voraciously, curling up over the wood and speeding up to engulf Shepard in insatiable heat.

Liara watched and listened as the flames soothed her aching heart, dancing calmly in the midst of death, while the hydraulics and rapidly expanding air within the armour swelled and hissed out, catching fire and lending more fuel to the heat. Hisses and pops sounded merrily as everyone present stared at the simple spectacle, lost within their own thoughts. Liara's vision blurred as tears rolled down across her face, the aching swell within her retreating and leaving behind a cold and lonely shell.

Anderson and Hackett moved off the platform, followed by the trooping march of the four torchbearers and one by one, delegates and ambassadors, emissaries and friends, began to rise and move off in sombre groups, conversation forgotten in the wake of Shepard's funeral. There would be more speeches, more talk about Shepard's greatness and the man's legendary feats. There would be a dinner toast, to honour the war's fallen, as there had been a luncheon where they had remembered their losses. The entire day had been spent in such a way, and Liara couldn't help but wonder at the time-consuming and lavish ceremonies. Perhaps it was a human way for them to honour the fallen. It certainly wasn't as strange as the turian blood rites that were used to mourn for the dead. Liara turned once more to stare into the raging flames as they continued to consume the stack of wood and the legend in their midst, white and grey smoke trailing in the air. Liara could almost imagine Shepard's spirit leaving on such an evanescent corridor, heading to where it was that heroes and legends walked. Liara also watched as Kaidan remained seated as the last of them moved on, staring not at the dancing lights before him, but at the dark smudge within its heart.

*

The shuttle clattered noisily as the last of Earth's atmosphere pulled jealously away from them, leaving the steadying calm that was the vacuum of space.

Liara stared wordlessly at Kaidan, watching him through her considering eyes and her veiled sorrow, ever more aware of the raging inferno that was thinly kept from the rest of them. Liara watched as Kaidan's fingers traced along the silvery band on his right hand, moving with practised motions as it traced the etched metal and seemed to memorize every dent and every nick.

"Kaidan..." Liara ventured hesitantly, speaking with slow calm as Kaidan's gaze pulled away from the spot behind her shoulder, the empty wall more comforting than familiar faces. He pulled his vision away from the blankness before staring up down at her in a way that was completely void of all emotion. She felt a prickling tingle run across her skin at those dead eyes as they swung her way. "I--"

"Don't... Liara. Just... Just don't." Kaidan swung his gaze over to the floor, not even registering the muted conversation around him as the rest dwindled down, casually trying to pretend not to eavesdrop while they tried hard to.

"Kaidan, I know this is difficult for you," Liara soldered on, refusing to be deflected. She knew, as much as most, what such a loss could do to a person.

"Have you lost something so precious in your life before?" Kaidan said softly, acid etching the air.

"If you remember," Liara replied with quiet coldness, "I had to see my own mother die before my eyes."

"Not that you were close to her until that moment," Kaidan replied hurtfully, and while there wasn't any malice in the statement, still, Liara felt a pang of hurt shift through her.

"Your hurt shouldn't give you any call to inflict the same feelings on others," Liara said in a wounded tone, registering the brief flicker of empathy that moved behind Kaidan's face. It was gone before she knew it.

"You're right. Sorry," Kaidan replied simply and Liara sighed at the man's stubborn recalcitrance, though he had every right to be. She could only remember, all too well, what the man had been like after the Collector attack on the Normandy SR-1. She turned her head slightly to the side, sending Steve a telling look and the man shrugged lightly before leaning forward in his seat, pinning Kaidan with a cryptic gaze.

"I however, have lost someone like that," Steve replied casually, watching for Kaidan's reaction. Even anger, directed at them, would have been welcome after watching the empty shell of their friend parade around before them, lost in his misery.

"Then you should know," Kaidan whispered softly, still looking at the floor, "why I don't want to talk."

"It was a mistake that I made, same as you, Kaidan," Steve urged. "I don't want to see you collapse within yourself."

Kaidan's face was a riot of conflicting expressions, and it was a little difficult for her to pick out what they could be. Humans were always so expressive, and the wide range of their facial expression sometimes left her baffled. Still, she recognized the hurt and pain there, flickering in his eyes as his fingers began to stroke and caress the simple ring on his finger. "I won't." Kaidan promised in a dead-pan voice that sounded more like a surrender than anything else.

Liara almost gritted her teeth in frustration as Kaidan seemed to shut down again, blocking out the world around him as he swam the shores of memories. Liara huffed a soft breath, turning over to look at Garrus, who had been casually watching the entire spectacle. The turian caught her gaze, looked her straight in the eye and shrugged casually. He raised his hands up to the side and shook his head in mock defeat and Liara heaved a breath as she turned back to study her friend, staring sightlessly at the floor.

"Kaidan..." Liara began again, but this time, the man before her didn't even seem to pick up her words. It was like none of them even seemed to exist anymore, were no more there than the shuttle's walls or the dark, airless void without. "Kaidan... please. We've all lost people close to us, during the war. All parts of the war. It worries me that you... I don't want you to end up... like you did before." There she had said it, and she hadn't been struck down for her bluntness.

"What do you know about sacrifice?" Kaidan seemed to ask, almost to himself.

"We've all sacrificed much, all so that we could provide and care for the living," Liara pushed, "Some of us have lost almost as much as you have. We--"

"Exactly," Kaidan interrupted, not looking at her. "You know about loss, Liara. Not sacrifice. Loss is when you have something taken away from you, no matter what you do. It's... inevitable. Sacrifice is when the same thing happens. Only, you've made that choice. Like I made mine."

Tali nervously fiddled along the edge of her omni-tool, not calling up the device but still, the motions seemed to give the quarian comfort and it was a nervous tic that Liara had noticed before.

"Kaidan," Tali began this time, "The Alliance will reinstate you. You have powerful friends, there could be avenues for you to explore." Tali watched for a response but found it lacking. She tried to change tact by switching to thin humour. "We have a handsome, well-placed turian. A quarian Admiral and a Shadow Broker. Keelah, we're probably some of the most influential people in the galaxy left. I'm sure we could get you a place back in the Alliance. They'll have to see that everything you did was for the better. Or anywhere else for that matter."

Kaidan swung his gaze briefly up at Tali before he went back to staring at the floor, lost in his self-pity. There were no smiles, no humour in the man's gaze. There was nothing. It frightened Liara more than she could care to admit. Kaidan seemed to shuffle slightly under his civilian clothing, the jacket around him whispering even as the brightly stitched N7 around the man's chest gleamed against the dark fabric. His jeans rippled as his feet shifted slightly and then, it was all stillness once again.

"It's not about me," Kaidan said with finality. "It's never been about me."

Liara felt herself shiver slightly at the absolute lack of any inflection in the man's deep, throaty voice. The rest of the shuttle ride up to the Citadel continued on in silence as the sombre mood shifted slightly, and then fell heavily upon them again.

*

They docked along Docking Bay D24, since it was one of the larger and most often used ports within the Citadel during its peak, and the engineers had seen fit to see to the smouldering ruins around the area first so that transport and supplies wouldn't be hindered during the reconstruction. It had been months, almost a full year now as they measured the Earth years, since she'd last stepped foot here and Liara couldn't help but glance around the area, picking up on the familiar sights that spawned memories.

Most of the Citadel's damage had resulted from the blast fired during the Cleansing. The reconstruction had been concentrated on those areas while cleaning crews had swept the place, removing stains of blood and grime, ichor and the dead, shuttling them off for disposal at countless sites across the Sol System. The Reaper's had been thorough in their eradication of all life on the floating mass of metal, and there had been barely a handful of survivors that had made it unscathed.

Liara paused as the rest of the shuttle, her friends and more, shuffled out and still weighed down by the funeral that they'd just attended, not to mention the wringing that they had received from all manner of media, politicians and leaders from across the galaxy. The Reapers were still out there, so far as they knew, but without any external help, they would remain dormant forever within the deepest corners of dark space, at least she was sure they would. They had no reason to emerge. So long as they believed that the purge of each cycle was successful, and no signal managed to pierce the veil between galaxies, they were safe, finally torn away from the endless cycle of destruction. Finally, they would be able to develop and grow unhindered. It was a hopeful thing, one that beamed within Liara and it was made even more obvious beside the brooding intensity that surrounded Kaidan like a fog.

"Where are you headed to, Kaidan?" Liara called to her friend, as he walked off to one of the Citadel transit locations, dressed in plain clothes and carrying a duffel with his modest belongings.

It was a strange collection of jumbles that Kaidan had amassed, from what Liara had seen of it. There were the usual articles of clothing and his own personal affects, different mementos from across the galaxy that had left an impression and were shrouded in memory. Less sure was she about the bundle of clothing, wrapped up in two small parcels, one that contained an assortment of his own and another that were Shepard's. Kaidan had also brought along some of the man's personal items from the cabin, and with his tenure within the Alliance cut short, this had been his last opportunity to take whatever it was that Shepard had bequeathed him, which had been everything, from the article that she'd read, detailing Shepard's last will. Small items that were inherently Shepard ran along side the items, as were the heroic medals, congratulatory items and whatever else had been held by the Alliance before and during the war. A last small keepsake, a piece of faded paper, that nominated Kaidan as the sole beneficiary for the man's military insurance that had matured upon Shepard's death.

"Silversun Strip," Kaidan replied simply, turning to look at her. "Shepard left me the apartment in his... will. Since I don't have anywhere else to stay, and don't really want to stay on Earth, I'll be crashing there for a few days. Sort some stuff out."

"I'd like to come with you, if that's alright," Liara posed quickly. "I don't... I wouldn't feel right if you were alone right now, Kaidan. Please, I'd like to be there for you if I can."

Kaidan seemed to cock his head to the side, studying her with those deep brown eyes before he lowered a curt nod at her, pulling away and leaving her to catch up to him. While she was considered young by asari standards, very young indeed, she had the weight of years beyond her age upon her shoulders, and she recalled a time when Kaidan's biotic talents had flourished under her tutelage. Perhaps, this was a penance that she could do for him, since she hadn't been there the first time when Kaidan had gone through Shepard's first death. She'd teach him the asari way of handling loss, of the letting go, and she hoped that eventually, Kaidan would not need the assorted jumble in his duffel to cling to the man. Liara hoped that soon, his memory would enough to sustain Kaidan and push him onward toward life.

Thankfully the transit systems were mostly functional, and it had been easy to assume that the Silversun Strip would have had its hubs fixed up, seeing as they catered to the most powerful and wealthy members of what was left of the Citadel's population. When it came to priorities, the rich and powerful always had the first option.

The shuttle ride was, thankfully, uneventful. Liara merely stared out at the beaming lights that shot through as Kaidan drove on in silence. They were both too tired to speak their minds and Liara didn't want to push Kaidan in that direction after her disastrous attempts on the shuttle from Earth. So she remained silent and stayed wrapped up in her own thoughts, barely startling her into the present as Kaidan set the transport down gently, directly in front of the apartment complex that had been gifted to Shepard by Anderson during the war.

"We're here," Kaidan replied softly, triggering the door mechanism as he stepped out. Liara smothered a yawn behind her hands, following Kaidan's movements and turning to look at the sprawling area around them.

The Silversun Strip had obviously seen better times. Polished metal and plush housing were marked and scratched from its previous occupation, and no longer did the area seem to shine like its namesake. Still, despite the expanse of broken glass and debris, the area was relatively cleaner than the rest of the Citadel and the apartment looked to be practically untouched, since most of the residences had been evacuated before the Reapers had hit. Now, with stability being brought back, those with deeds and the predators without, were converging and staking claims on what ever luxury they could find. Just like it had been at the end of the War.

Liara stood quietly beside Kaidan as they took the elevators up, tracing the path of memory as she recalled their amazing party at the height of the fighting. It had been an affirmation to live, the affirmation of friendship and the bond that they had all shared, and it had been a unique and rewarding experience, not to mention the memories that she would always carry with her. She was sure that the other crew members would as well, even as their paths diverged and their orbits moved away from one another. It was another sort of loss, but one not as irreparable as death.

Kaidan used his omni-tool and automated the code through to the lock, turning it green as they stepped into the almost pristine apartment. Not a sound emerged past their heavy footfalls.

Liara marvelled at the decidedly human architecture, and each glance, each look that fell upon a piece of furniture, brought with it a wash of familiar feelings as she recalled her time spent among the luxurious items. The wood panelling was soft, and the couches looked brand new, as they had when they had all last been here. Above the mantel stood the large, blown up picture of their team, all accounted for and a few extras added in by a skilled Samantha Traynor.

"Make yourself at home," Kaidan said to her, "I gotta take a shower. Clean off the stink of smoke."

Liara nodded vaguely at the comment as Kaidan hoisted the bag over his shoulders and stalked toward the stairs that led up to the second floor. She walked over to the human piano, the instrument that she was familiar with. Her fingers traced the ivory keys and the varnished wood, running over the keys and making soft, clicking noises. She placed the pads of her fingers along the notes that were ingrained into her memory, of the simple song that she had played for Shepard. Her gaze moistened in remembrance, and she pulled away, collecting herself as she eyed the picture again, staring at the happy, drunk faces, the crude gestures and the absolute joy that it seemed to exude. Even now.

"Like a family," Liara sighed wistfully. They _were_ that now, more than before, and there could be nothing in this galaxy or any other that could take that away from them. Liara walked over to the picture and stared at Shepard, watching the way he seemed frozen in colour, hand placed behind the armrest of the sofa while he looked at Kaidan, instead of at Glyph, who had taken the shot. Liara paused when she saw Kaidan's look, returned to Shepard two-fold and the small smile on the man's lips, the eager way he was leaning into Shepard and the hand braced on the edge of his knee, almost like it was about to spring to life and convey his feelings through that touch. Liara continued to stare, to memorize that smile on Kaidan's face, and she vowed to the Goddess that she'd do what she had to, to see Kaidan smile that way again.

Her omni-tool chirped, pulling her away from her recollection.

"Javik?" Liara asked in surprise as she registered the Prothean's name on the display.

" _Dasha_ ," Javik intoned by way of greeting, and the ancient Prothean term of endearment sent a spike of hot longing through her. "I do not wish to _shadow_ your time aboard the Citadel. There has been a development that we may need you to step in and _broker_."

Liara sighed in vexation as the code words tripped through the connection. Her position was a torturous one and there was always something for her to be done. When she had completed one, another three seemed to pop into place.

"Can it not wait, _shatir_?" Liara asked with concern, slipping into the Prothean form that she knew Javik appreciated. At least, that's what he had admitted to the first time they had melded.

"I would not be calling if it was not urgent," Javik argued reasonably.

"I understand. I'll see what I can do, from here if I must." Liara moved to switch the call off, but Javik's voice rang out before she ended it.

"Send my congratulations to the human," Javik said in deep tones. "It is always an honour to know one's mate has died a hero."

"Thank you, Javik," Liara replied as she cut the call. Despite the cultural difference between her bond mate and the others of the era, it wouldn't do to go about congratulating everyone on Shepard's recent passing. She made a mental note to instruct Javik on the appropriate protocols as she moved her way, quickly, up the stairs.

Liara tapped lightly on the door that led to the master suite, assuming Kaidan was divesting himself of his belongings in there.

"Kaidan?" Liara asked politely.

No response.

"Kaidan?" Liara called out louder as she tapped harder on the door. When silence answered again, Liara took a deep breath and steeled herself, preparing to confront a weeping, emotional Kaidan even as she tried to tell him that she would be stepping out for a couple of hours.

Liara pulled the door open gently and stepped into the room.

"Kaidan, I--"

Liara froze as she saw an unfamiliar figure standing before her, with his back to her. It was obviously a male, from the breadth of his shoulders and the firm muscle that seemed to conform itself to the moulding fabric surrounding him. His hair was shorn at the sides, while it was slightly longer along the top. Liara didn't hesitate a second longer as her barrier came up, just enough to deflect any attack from the stranger while she scanned the room.

"Who are you?" Liara asked in a commanding tone, "What are you doing here?"

The man turned at her question and Liara felt her barrier crack as her concentration completely and utterly shattered. The ground rushed up to meet her as her legs wobbled, sending her collapsing to the floor when she recognized _those_ eyes, _those_ features.

"Shepard?" Liara whispered thickly.

The man, Shepard, seemed to pause as the name left her lips, turning fully to address her in a voice that she would always remember until the day she left her body to join the Great Goddess above Thessia.

"No. I'm not," the man said simply, shrugging in that agonizingly familiar way.

"Then who are you?" Liara called out with authority. She would not show weakness against someone who would seek to wear Shepard's face in that way. It had been a craze that had torn through the galaxy during the height of Shepard's fame and countless copycats with money thought that it would be acceptable to parade around, with their hero worship worn so blatantly for everyone to see. For such a person to be here, scrounging through Shepard's belongings and private abode, was almost more than she could stand. A small voice within her, told her otherwise.

"I'm just... John." The man shrugged another gesture at her, and it was that grin, that awful, infuriating and signature _grin_ that at last convinced Liara.

"Oh Goddess," Liara said in wonder, "Goddess Shepard. It's really... What, I don't... I don't understand..."

"I'm not Shepard," John voiced adamantly when she finally wound down. "Shepard died in his struggle against the Reapers. It was a beautiful funeral from what I heard. Now, I'm just... John."

Liara didn't need more. With halting steps, she lunged forward and ran into John's startled arms, flinging herself into the familiar embrace that she had so fondly recalled. The heat, the scent, the way the man's hands rubbed circles on her back. Everything screamed to her that this _was_ Shepard, or John now, as he wanted to be known.

"Goddess, you're alive..." Liara cried out through her tears, "Oh, I'm sorry." She pulled herself away from the comforting hug. "How did... Garrus? Does he know? What about Tali and, and... Goddess, Kaidan! He would be overjoyed to know that you're still..."

"Alive?" Kaidan called out from the bathroom, a wide grin washing beautifully over his features and the sharp contrast against the soul crushing mood that he'd been wrapped up in during the last week almost made Liara hysterical. He stepped out still dressed in the outfit that he'd worn on the shuttle, moving over to stand beside the both of them.

"Monster," Liara said accusingly, throwing Kaidan a dirty look. "You knew this whole time and you kept it from me?"

"Think of it as payback Liara," Kaidan said through an easy shrug. "You didn't tell me when you found Shepa-- John and handed him over to Cerberus. You didn't tell me about the help you were gathering to fight of Ascendant. I figured, well, figured that I owed you one."

"You're horrible," Liara said as she swiped at the moisture in her eyes, but her voice was all laughter and lightness that she thought she wouldn't feel again for a very long time. Her emotional pendulum was swinging wildly now and it was leaving her a little off balance. "We have to inform the others, they--"

"No," John replied simply, cutting her off. "The less people who know, the better. Oh, we can still break it to the rest, gently. Garrus, Tali, Wrex and the like. But we keep this between ourselves in the mean time, and I'm trusting my future to all of you. Shepard was a target, for the Reapers, for everyone who would try to use him. John is just a look-alike who just happens to sound like Shepard, living off alone with his wonderful husband, on some far off world." John threw a wink over at Kaidan who grinned back wolfishly at the gesture, finger swirling around the silvered band across his fingers.

Liara thumped a small hand into John's chest, bringing the man's attention sorely back onto her.

"How did you manage it?" Liara asked as her natural curiosity overrode every other feeling within her. "We thought you'd died on the meteor. By all accounts you should have."

Kaidan had moved to stand beside John, and the two shared a knowing grin as they reached for one another in the space between them, the casual movement lacing their fingers and hands together in a heartfelt movement.

"Embrace eternity, Liara," Kaidan said with a small smile, staring deeply at her.

"What?" Liara asked in puzzlement and a slight blush, "I don't see what the--"

John reached his free hand up and brought her hand up to his head, leaving it there against his warm cheek as he repeated the gesture and brought her other hand up. Leaning forward, John stared at her straight into her eyes, winking at her cheekily.

"Embrace. Eternity," John repeated.

Liara blinked once. And suddenly it hit her. The sharing of thoughts and experiences that she had considered a parting gift with Shepard, before the final push into the Conduit, just before the end of the war. It had been a way for them to share their innermost, deepest memories and it was a sign of severe trust among the asari. It had been a little startling that Liara had only gotten glimpses of Shepard's past then, though she had reasoned that it had something to do with the fact that the man knew so little about his past and the pressure of the war had taken precedence over anything else. Now she knew, she had had trouble delving into Shepard's mind because the Reaper indoctrination had tainted the man's mind.

"See for yourself," John whispered.

Liara looked once at Kaidan as the man nodded his approval, hands still in John's and Liara didn't need any more as she triggered the innate ability within her mind, sending the cascading thoughts echoing through. Her nervous systems shuttered open and she shivered as the massive electrical surged fired into the neurons and nerves, making her hypersensitive to anything and everything around herself.

"Embrace eternity," Liara intoned and her pupils dilated fully as the signal widened her perceptions, linking her to John's mind.

_"You have to trust me on this Kaidan," Shepard spoke in Kaidan's mind, just before the assault on Ascendant. "Will you trust me?"_

_"Always," came the firm and immediate response._

_"You know what to do," Shepard thought immediately, "The Blackstars are the key. As the Thannix Cannons are. It gave us the edge that we needed during the war. And it'll help us now."_

_"How?" Kaidan asked._

_"Dark energy," Shepard replied simply as he pulled the information and memories from his head. "The Reapers use it to protect themselves, their cores filled with almost limitless energy. I'm sure you know how the Thannix Cannons work, don't you Kaidan? Its the same with the Blackstars. They're the only thing powerful enough to crack through the shields and damage them."_

_"Like fighting fire with fire," Kaidan mused to himself and Shepard picked up on the thought instantly._

_"Fighting fire with fire'll make an even bigger fire, eventually."_

_"John?"_

_"It's Ash," Shepard finally admitted. "She wants me dead, Kaidan. I can feel it. Hate so strong I can almost reach out and touch it. Whatever the Reapers did to her, whatever she once was, that's all she has going for herself now. And she's the key."_

_"The key?" Kaidan asked quizzically._

_"I know what drives her," Shepard elaborated. "I know what will push her, or the creature that wears her face, forward. She'll do everything that she can to kill either you or me. And we're going to make sure she gets that chance."_

_"What the hell are you talking about John?" Kaidan asked with exasperation._

_"A distraction," Shepard sent with a touch of humour. "It's time the galaxy forgot about Commander Shepard. I don't want to be that person anymore. I just want to be John Shepard if I can, and to have a life with you. If you'll have me. If we both survive this."_

_"We will, John," Kaidan thought back with fierce determination. "We're going to pull out of this. Then we're going to spend the rest of our lives together."_

_"Are you proposing, Major?" Shepard teased._

_"Did you really think you could hide thoughts like that away from me? I've known about the ring since that night after the Rachni."_

_"Tease," Shepard replied playfully."That was some--"_

_"So what do we do?" Kaidan asked again, trying to steer the thinking away from the bedroom._

_"Well," Shepard responded slowly. "Let's see how good those acting skills of yours are, Kaidan. You'll need to push Ash, corner her and then..."_

Liara gasped as the swell of memories shot through her mind, picking and fraying apart the concepts of space and time. She was lost in the sluice of them, drowning in them, but a strong centre emerged and she projected herself onto the steadying influence of the core, of the strength that emerged before her and she clung like a child to the new memory as it came unbidden.

_Ash stood hovering above, a dark grin painting her features._

_"At... last... Skipper," Ash managed to choke out through the ruined hole in her chest. "You're... mine."_

_Shepard stared at the sharp point above him, watched as it plunged down unerringly toward his chest. He went through the biotic mnemonics like wrote, calling up a small and localized barrier that spread itself thickly over his torso in a brief flash, just as the tip of the weapon touched his skin. He cursed as the sharp edge bit through, he'd reacted too slowly, breaking flesh but its momentum was pulled, Ash's strength no longer what it was. Instead of angling down, it sliced a shallow line across his skin, splitting it open and sending blood flowing._

_Ash pulled up again, but her head was gone now, angry biotic energy where once had been a torturous ruin of skin and muscle._

_"John!" Kaidan called out with his mind even as the sound of scrambling broke through._

_"I'm fine, Kaidan," Shepard called back in the sending. "She nicked me a little there. Guess I'm not as young as I used to be."_

_"Don't make me laugh, John. It's gonna be tough, even with what you're sending to me." Kaidan thought vehemently as that beautiful, battle-scarred face popped into view. Even covered in soot and blood, grime and anguish, it was perfect._

_"Flatterer," Kaidan shot back even as the laments poured out, Shepard's view translating over into Kaidan's mind._

_"Don't poke around if you're not going to like what you find," Shepard responded playfully._

_The crying and the words, the promises and the tears, were moving. Shepard was focusing his anguish, letting it build up and reflect, doubling over and pouring it in between the link that he shared with Kaidan even as similar feelings well up within the man crouched above him and they fed off of one another, a cycle of despair and anguish that would fuel their dialogue and convince the rest of them. The absolute agony it inspired truly was convincing, Shepard thought to himself as the ring clattered to the ground, and he willed his eyes closed even as the medi-gel worked to feverishly close off his wounds and stabalize the rest of his injuries._

_"Tears of joy," Kaidan sent as he soon as he interpreted the thought. "Yes, John Shepard. Yes, I'll marry you. I'll marry the hell out of you."_

_"Glad to hear it, Kaidan Alenko," Shepard sent back as he let the man continue with the charade. It was a necessity, for the world had to know that Shepard was no longer a threat, nor a beacon to rally behind. He wouldn't be a tool to be used, or a figurehead to helm a cause. He was a man and he was going to spend the rest of his life with_ his _man, the man that he loved, even if it killed him. Which it did._

Other memories swarmed her, hounded her consciousness and she almost lost herself under the intensity of the barrage.

_Kaidan watched over Shepard's recovering form, hooking up the life saving apparatus that would keep Shepard stable. EDI coached him along, the AI in complete understanding and acceptance. She was loyal to Shepard, would keep such secrets till the last electrical charges in her frame disappeared, and Kaidan knew he could trust EDI to keep Shepard from the rest of the galaxy. No one would intrude in on his mock grief, would dare to hound him. The plan had been set up, hatched between the both of them, and Kaidan ached to see it through._

_Kaidan gently placed Shepard in the pod, a finger running gently across the man's warm flesh. A smile formed in his mind even as tears tracked down his face. EDI assured him she would monitor Shepard's vitals and now would come the hard part, maintaining his façade until they could finally lay Shepard to rest._

_"I love you," Shepard spoke in his mind and Kaidan could already feel himself instinctively reply, "Always."_

_The armour was a symbol of the man, the symbol of a saviour. The workmen and loose crew moved around him, assembling the area for the coming ceremony. It would be magnificent and poignant. It would be an end of things, and a new beginning. A hand landed gently across his shoulders and Kaidan didn't even bother to turn._

_"The last part," Shepard shared between them._

_"The end," Kaidan agreed._

_"But also, a beginning," Shepard finished._

_"Will they realize?" Kaidan asked his husband through the bond they shared, their conversation kept from the others around them._

_"Why would they?" Shepard shrugged mentally. "That armour weighs as much as I did. I doubt they'd realize the difference."_

_"An empty suit is-" Kaidan offered but Shepard interrupted him, picking up the thread._

_"Kaidan," Shepard huffed in mild exasperation. "It's worked out well so far hasn't it?"_

_Kaidan shot the man a dark thought and a brief chuckle escaped._

_Kaidan turned to face Shepard, blinking slightly as he was taken aback by the slightly longer hair, shorn at the sides. The man was dressed in a workman's uniform, grit and dirt under his nails as soot and dust smudged his features. No one would recognize Shepard as he made his way out along with the rest of the labourers, mourners preparing a bier for their martyr. Kaidan himself could hardly recognize the man._

_"Let's go," Kaidan said at last, drinking in the sight of Shepard. He schooled his face, ready for the last leg of their act._

_"Yes," Shepard said with seriousness. "It's time."_

_They stood there a  moment longer, not moving as they drank each other in, and Kaidan walked past his husband even as the man moved off in the opposite direction, different ways, but always to the same place. Each other._

Liara stumbled back from the intensity of the memories, her hands shaking themselves free from Shepard, from John she corrected, and the last wisps of recall sparked through her mind. Raising a hand to her head, she breathed deeply, trying to calm her racing heart even as her mind filled up with the residue of what John had shown her.

"So now you know," Kaidan said simply as Liara struggled to form words.

"That..." Liara swallowed the thick lump in her throat. "That was incredible. I've never heard of thoughts translating themselves in that manner. Is that how the Rachni communicate?"

John nodded in answer to the question and Liara felt her old, studious self proclaim joy at having a tiny fragment of knowledge that was irreplaceably unique. "Amazing," Liara breathed. "Though I honestly think that I should be upset with you both for such trickery. Not that I would have any right to be," Liara hastened to add at Kaidan's cocked eyebrow, a gesture of disbelief at her statement. "Amazing," she repeated as she considered all the questions that she would kill to have answered. "You have been granted a great gift, both of you."

"So we've been told," John said with quiet amusement and Kaidan, damn him, kept smiling his crooked, human grin that just wouldn't seem to leave his face. And to think, she had wanted to see him smile again, that she would have done anything to coax out that expression. It was positively infuriating, and she told herself that she would be happy to have Stoic Kaidan back, only to wipe that smirk off of the man's face. A small, celebratory voice within her, told her otherwise, and she was beginning to wonder if she would ever hear silence from it instead.

"So why have I been granted this privilege, Shepa-- John?" Liara queried as her sharp, analytical instincts came to her rescue. They could have easily turned her aside, Kaidan could have made his way over on his own, and together, the two men could have disappeared into the wide expanse. The galaxy was near-infinite and it would be almost impossible to trace them if they were clever and covered their tracks well. Judging from the turmoil of emotions that John had subjected all of them to over the last week, she'd say that they were certainly crafty enough to pull it off. "You obviously need something from me," Liara clarified. "Or else I wouldn't be here."

"So suspicious," John said casually as he released Kaidan's hand.

"Well," Liara confessed, "I wouldn't be a very good Shadow Broker if I wasn't aware of things developing around me. With the amount of resources and people that I have to juggle, it almost seems a requisite that I have to be... attentive to detail."

"Probably be a dead one," Kaidan quipped up at her earlier comment and Liara nodded at the grinning loon in agreement.

"Perhaps it's precisely those resources that I'm hoping to have access to?" John said casually, folding his arms across his chest in that familiar way that she'd never thought she'd see again. It was absolutely surreal, talking to a dead man, when just hours ago she had mourned the passing of a dear friend and now, she was speaking to, well, her clinical mind could only unflatteringly describe John Shepard as a living, breathing, grinning corpse. She didn't know if it was an acceptable concept among humans, dead bodies coming back to life, and it had almost scared her witless when she had considered the fact.

"And what would the great John She--"

In a moment, the look of humour seemed to lift itself off the man's face as she said the name. His commanding, authoritative aura seemed to double as his mouth frowned down at the mere mention of _that_ name, and Liara took an unconscious step back away from the radiating strength and force-of-will that seem to exude from the man even as she felt herself caught in the undeniable pull toward him.

"Shepard is dead, Liara," John said with a strong voice, his commanding voice, "And that fact needs to be reinforced. He died, so that no one will know where to find him, no one will take advantage of him and no one will hurt the ones that he loves to get to him. Shepard is dead."

Liara swallowed nervously as the commanding force seemed to evaporate and all that was left in its place was the man, John, back as he was. "Yes well," Liara snapped a little harshly, "It's a little difficult, if you don't mind Shep-- John. You'll have to let me get used to it."

"Of course," John replied with that grin and a mocking bow of his head.

"If it's not too much to ask for," Liara quickly corrected. "With your official death, you lose your SPECTRE status as well, so you won't have that to leverage upon unless..." Liara turned to look at Kaidan who was merely watching the two of them. As she included him, Kaidan shrugged and seemed to consider.

"It might be worth keeping, at least for now," Kaidan said amicably, though a strange look passed over his face, one that mirrored John's own. Again with the Rachni bond, and Liara ached to discover more, ached to learn and to know.

Her omni-tool chirped again and she turned it over to glance at Javik's name printed across the display.

"I have to leave soon," Liara added quickly, now that she realized that her presence would no longer be needed to shelter Kaidan from grief. "I suppose it's only fair," she finally admitted, "You did to me, what I did to you. Shall we call it a... truce?"

"Truce," Kaidan said, and if it was the last thing she'd do, she'd wipe that grin off of the man's face once and for all.

"Now," Liara said, turning to John, "What do you need from me... John?"

"A world," John said in reply, "Not a whole planet," he added quickly as a look of absolute horror passed over her features at the enormity of the man's request registered itself, "Just a world, where two men could disappear to, away from the scrutiny of the galaxy."

"Goddess," Liara muttered, rubbing at her arms, "I thought... What else?"

"Papers," Kaidan interjected, "Documentation and information. A change of ID. I can use my SPECTRE status to do most of the heavier changes, but I... I'll need your help Liara, for the rest."

"I can do that," Liara said as she took note of everything that they would be needing to give John a new life. "Will you be wanting your identity scrubbed as well, Kaidan?"

Kaidan tilted his head consideringly to the side. "For now... It's best that I stay Kaidan Alenko."

Liara nodded, ticking off the point in her omni-tool's secure notepad. "There is... one other thing..."

"Which is?" John asked.

"I'll need to leave soon," Liara said apologetically. "I had initially planned on staying around for a few days, to help Kaidan during his time of grieving but... that no longer seems necessary. Javik has called me away. I'd like to leave as soon as possible."

"You don't need our permission to leave, Liara," John said kindly.

Liara graced him with a smile. "I know, Shep-- John. However, it would be best for all involved if we could get this done as quickly as possible."

"So what do you need?" John asked again.

"A name. One that you'd like to be known as," Liara stated simply.

"John Alenko," John replied almost immediately, earning him a soft groan from Kaidan that was either embarrassment or yearning.

"You know that would be just as bad, don't you John?" Kaidan shot over to the man. "In any case, you'd have still ended up John Alenko anyway."

"Or you might have been Kaidan Shepard," John shot right back.

Liara let the banter swell over her as they argued their choices, the very edge of memory stalling her fingertips against the display of her omni-tool.

_Shepard stood at the door as it slid open, staring up in wonder at the broad back facing him. An arm was poised in tried stillness against the thick glass, and Kaidan's forehead lay heavily upon the transparent material. Still, even with such weight bearing down on him, the man looked like a perfectly sculpted statue, all strong curves and tantalizing muscle. He wasn't some idealistically sculpted masterpiece. He was Kaidan, wears and tears and all, and Shepard didn't know what to think was a more wonderful sight to him, the man stood looking away before him, or the vast emptiness beyond, the darkness stretching out to infinity and the tiny spots of light, winking back with promises._

Liara's eyes widened as another part of Shepard, of John, trickled into her mind.

_The headache dulled with a slow throb behind his eyes, but Shepard couldn't let it ruin his good mood. It was a mixed cacophony. The party had been the talk of the Citadel, despite their attempts to keep it as low key as possible. Aria had been absolutely murderous about not being invited. And now, it was over. The prospect of war, of the endless fighting was made even more obscene as he juxtaposed the concept with the joy and laughter that he'd felt just moments ago. Standing here, beside the Normandy, Shepard couldn't help but stare up at the endless, twinkling vista above him, surrounded in violet and pink mist. It was ethereal, otherworldly. If something like this could exist in the galaxy, what other possibilities could be explored? Victory against the Reapers? He couldn't believe anything else. The stars seemed to beam their confidence down on him and Shepard felt a familiar warmth press itself against his arm, a honeyed-whiskey voice caressing his ears like satin._

Another memory came unbidden.

_Shepard lay in his lover's arms, replete with their love making. The intense, brutal need had been sated, and the hollow, emptiness within each other had been surprisingly filled as well. It was a shock to Shepard as much as Kaidan's passion and extreme bedroom skills. He was slowly, and steadily, falling in love with the warm man around him. He hadn't thought he was capable of love. A small voice, a voice that he had thought was buried, whispered that he had been lying to himself the entire time. Shepard stared out at the shifting blue waves that rocked around outside of the visual port above the bed. It was like water, an ocean above them, and the random flickering did nothing to dull the pinpricks that smothered the darkness. It was more than light, than stars. It was hope. And it meant almost as much to him as did the man, his lover, in his arms. Turning his head, keeping the endless sky at the edge of his vision, he placed a loving kiss on Kaidan's temple, already beginning to drift off to sleep. No matter what the war brought, they'd be together._

Liara staggered slightly as she pulled out of the memories. So strong, so... forceful. She would have to check the asari archives, but she doubted that there had ever been cases where someone's memories left such an impression during the melding. John really was something truly special.

Liara cleared her throat quietly as the pair continued to tease and bicker, already sounding like a married couple. "I... I have a suggestion... If you don't mind."

Kaidan and John paused in mid-sentence, both turning to stare at her before they seemed to cock their heads toward each other in unison, no doubt sharing more thoughts and communicating with one another. That itch reappeared along her skin and she promised that she would sit them down and pull every single scrap of information out of the both of them if it was the last thing she would do.

"Alright, Liara," Shepard said in his best unsure-but-game voice.

"We..." Liara struggled to voice the concept that was within her head. "The ancient asari were once extremely devoted to the Athame doctrine. Once our journey through the stars began however, it quickly began to fall out of favour as technology superseded religion."

"Makes sense, I suppose," Kaidan muttered to no one in particular.

"As you're aware," Liara continued, "I spent my whole life studying the archaic. It began with ancient asari culture which inevitably led to my fascination with the Protheans. During my... investigations, I found certain ancient asari phrases that I considered beautiful or meaningful and kept them with me. Once such word comes to mind."

"An ancient asari word for me to use?" John asked playfully.

"Yes," Liara said with the very slightest of blushes. "The word is _Ka'ala_. It... loses something in translation. The best that I can come up with is 'she who stares up at the void, searching for the smallest light of hope'."

"That's quite a mouthful," John said diplomatically as Kaidan chortled behind the man, pulling out a deeper blush from Liara.

"So," Kaidan said good-naturedly, "Is it gonna be John Ka'ala? Or John 'She who stares up at the void'? You know, I'm personally in favour of the second one." Another rough chuckle laced the air.

"It _can_ be a he," Liara said a little defensively, and John raised his hands up in a placating gesture. "Like I said, it's a rough translation. The effect is within the context, not really the actual word itself. If we were to simplify it... I suppose you could say that _Ka'ala_ could stand for... stargazer."

The silence lingered as John and Kaidan turned the name over in their minds. Liara stood nervously, some small part of herself hoping that they would approve.

"Huh," Kaidan finally said, breaking the silence. "John... Stargazer. I like it."

John's smile was positively radiant as it broke over his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "That is not dead which can eternal lie,  
> And with strange aeons, even Death may die."
> 
> \- H. P. Lovecraft.


	32. Epilogue

Awareness stole into his sleep at a creeping pace, like the soft footsteps of a dream evaporating under the rays of sunlight.

His fingers moved slightly against the desk of rare wood and he felt the rich, thick paper under his pads shift slightly as he moved the digits over the material and touched the words, imprinted there in deep gouges the night before, and the slow sense of consciousness arising was exquisite.

 _They're here,_ came the soft, steady reply in his head.

With a yawn cracking chasing away the last of the sleep from him, John shifted in his comfortable, aged chair and stared around the room, letting his eyes focus.

It was his study, the small little alcove that was his personal refuge, under the stair. The walls were lined with bookshelves made of metal, wood and a host of other materials that he'd scavenged, paid for and made with his own wrinkled hands. They lay burgeoning under their burdens, countless books and folios, papers and documents that he'd amassed over the last thirty years. They were his pride and joy.

The hiss of the door leading to the living area sounded in the still air, but he didn't bother to turn at the sound, and continued to admire his collection as careful, soft footfalls touched upon the ground and drew ever closer. With a sharp cry, a small body leapt through the air and pounced onto the back of his chair, swinging it around as the small figure clambered up the back with envious energy.

"Grandpa!" the young child squealed out. "Grandpa Stargazer! Grandpa Kaidan wants you outside. Now!"

"Alright, little one," John said endearingly, effortlessly lifting up the precocious child in arms that were still strong despite their reediness.

"Come on, grandpa. Now!" The body squirming and twisted in his grip, finally wrenching free and tumbling to the ground, laughter staining the air beautifully with the carefree sound. John couldn't help but grin at the little energetic bundle before him, even as he felt drained just watching the young boy's endless exertions.

Pulling himself up, John paused to pick up the large tome that he had fallen asleep on, a rare and costly indulgence that he'd been maintaining and keeping for the last five years or so. Flipping through the near endless amount of pages, all the way back to the thick, heavy cover that had been wrapped up in rare, asari bindings, John tucked the large book under his arms as he made his way out of his sanctuary, his grandson tugging fitfully along the material along his legs, trying ever so desperately to push him out with greater speed. John fought the urge to dig his heels in just to see the lad huff and puff.

"I wanna hear another story about the Shepard, grandpa," the young boy proclaimed loudly as they made their way through the small living space, constantly tugging and pulling.

The varren in the corner perked up as they entered, raising its head off of the large cushion that was worn and torn in countless places, but still fluffy enough that the creature had refused any other. It cocked its head to the side as the noises interrupted its constant napping.

"In a minute, young one," John admonished, "We have to wait for the rest to get here."

The protestations and arguments that flowed out of the boy didn't dent John's resolve as he walked past the empty space beside the wall, opposite to the entrance. Like he did every time he had walked past the area in the last thirty years, he stared up in remembrance and wonder at the completely eclectic mess of paraphernalia.

Above the seemingly random pieces of images and words, stood a faded and comfortable sign that proclaimed the area The Memorial Wall. Along the entire area, pictures of his friends stood out and he could effortlessly pick them out even though he had had them memorized years ago. There, a picture of their wedding, a quiet affair with only a handful of close friends in attendance. Right next to it was a faded parchment that held both of the vows that they had spoken on the day with a plastic arrow that led to a host of pictures of the after party. Drunken images, out-of-focused snapshots, Jack trying to kiss Miranda. A picture of John, almost stripped to the nude as the others tried to beat him with socks, Kaidan wrapping a pair of heart-stitched boxers around his head. That trip that they had taken to Rannoch as a couple, Tali finally managing to get them all together for a seven-day beach trip that had left them all grossly sunburnt. James looked like a lobster, the only part of him left untouched was the mound of scars that was centred directly below the man's chest.

More pictures, more memories.

Joker in his wheelchair, not ten years back, EDI smiling down on him. He'd just completed the last of the surgical enhancements that had finally cured the man of his Vrolik's Syndrome, and there had been another party to celebrate. Steve and James's wedding. Liara and Javik's. Garrus and Tali's. All the moments of happiness and peace that stretched over the wall like a carpet, almost burying the smaller portion that had been nearly squeezed out by their joy and happiness. A faded picture of Thane and of Mordin. The names of the crew who had died in the first Normandy, squeezed together on a piece of rare, turian metal that served as paper. The 'ink' would never fade, would never tarnish, and it had been a gift, as so many of these memories were.

John's grandson had been sufficiently distracted by the sight of the waking Varren that he had leapt at the opportunity to bother it, something that seemed to please the creature, and neither he nor Kaidan could ever understand why something like that would please the ferocious-looking creature. Turning back, he studied the wall some more.

The house that Liara had sourced for them, that they had built using muscle and sweat, oil and machinery. The orchard that they had planted along the back, in homage of Kaidan's farm back home and the pens that held the few animals that were hardy enough to cope in this world's seasons. Everyone had pitched in their efforts in building up the small community and it had grown over the years, including more and more people until it had reached, just under a hundred people, from across the galaxy, those who needed shelter, a sanctuary or a new start. More pictures, more writings. Happy and sad, memorable and poignant. The handful of trips that they made across the stars, Thessia, Palaven and even Sur'Kesh. They had been to Tuchanka and Rannoch, crossed the metal magnificence that was the Geth's orbital station. They had gone back to Virmire to mourn Ash and the others who had lost themselves to the Reaper's insatiable harvest. New world, new explorations, all of them, each of them, as simple and meaningful as the last.

Another series of pictures, teasing just another trickle of memory. Their first child, their son, climbing the orchard trees that lined the back of their abode on this stunning world that they had called home for the last thirty years. His growth into a young man, healthy and mischievous, strong and dependable. The joy that had shone out of their son's eyes when he was accepted into the N7 program just a few years back. Their daughter. Just as precocious as the child that whirled around the living room like a storm and even more intelligent than any other person that he knew. Copies of her degrees and certificates, masters and qualifications, tacked up along the wall along with picture of her graduation. Pictures of her husband. Pictures of their son's boyfriend, who was now apparently his fiancée. John still grimaced when he thought about the almost threatening way that Kaidan had reacted when the young man had first come swooping in, straight out of the marine training detail. Trust Kaidan to show their son's other half a hard time.

"He was an ass," a gravelly voice broke in behind him and John couldn't help but smile as the sound travelled down his ears, as they had done since they'd met, almost thirty four years ago.

"He was nervous," John corrected as Kaidan effortlessly picked up on the train of thought.

"That wasn't any excuse to say that my steaks were a little rubbery," Kaidan growled out.

"As I recalled, you were the one who almost forced him to stay the rest of the month so that you could challenge him to a... cook-off." John corrected.

"I won in the end," Kaidan huffed, lacing a hand through his own gnarled ones.

"Only because he let you," John clarified.

"Which is why he was welcomed back the next year," Kaidan finally admitted, laughter shining in his deep voice.

"The shuttle just landed," Kaidan finally said as they began to lose themselves within each other. "They should be arriving soon. Gotta toss those pies into the oven before they get here. You know what Steve's like. And his son's wife is a real harridan when it comes to kitchen perfection."

John chortled at the image that crossed Kaidan's mind, coaxing out a similar sound from his husband.

"And what's that you got there, John?" Kaidan inquired after the laughter faded, placing the image of the book that he held protectively under his arms.

"Can't you read my mind, sweetheart?" John asked innocently.

A soft whack on his shoulder sent his grin even wider as Kaidan's frustration became evident. "You old fool. I've been trying to pry that information out of you for the last three years, ever since I found you hiding something from me."

"You thought I was going to go off on another adventure, didn't you?" John ventured as the memory of the time played between the both of them.

"Don't remind me," Kaidan said firmly. "So, since I can't get into that small space of yours you're going to have to tell me."

John turned to his husband and stared into the other man's deep brown eyes, soulful and wise with just a hint of humour along the edges. It was as familiar to him as the sound of the man's voice. Who would have thought that brown eyes could be so extraordinary?

"John..." Kaidan said warningly. "You're trying to distract me."

With a sigh, John lifted the book up from under his arm and turned it up to show Kaidan. It didn't have a title yet, but he was close. It just needed some... inspiration. Kaidan picked up the heavy thing and braced it along one of his arms, placing the edge against his lean chest and pulled open the cover. The man's eyes widened as he read the first few lines and John's smile kept getting bigger the more shocked Kaidan looked. Words tumbled through their minds, shifting and sorting memories and experiences and Kaidan flipped hurriedly through and noted the names and places that were scrawled out in the different chapters.

"Us," Kaidan whispered in wonder, "You wrote a book. About our life."

"It's for you," John said softly, reaching out a hand to brush at Kaidan's fingertips. "For us."

Love flooded through the bond and sent John on a dizzying wave, that constant swirl of emotion and care that always seemed to emanate from Kaidan. During times like this, however, the emotion was almost too strong, but John was nothing if not stubborn, and he drowned himself in the feeling, letting it sweep away every other thought in his head. Bliss.

"It doesn't have a title," Kaidan finally said, breathing slightly heavier after the strength of the sending that had bounced between them.

"I wrote the damn thing," John said with a shrug, "I figured you could handle the title."

"Such confidence in me," Kaidan said smoothly, leaning in to give him a chaste kiss on his lips. "Thank you John. I love it. And I love you."

_I love you too, Kaidan. Always._

Sometimes, words just weren't enough, John thought to himself, smiling at the mirrored grin that stalked Kaidan's face.

"Careful though," John warned, "There are some... pretty... intimate parts. Should probably make sure... the kids don't get their hands on it."

"I don't think you could live it down a _second_ time," Kaidan offered with humour as the image shot through his head when their daughter had discovered John's porn collection and had roped in her brother. They had been ten and thirteen at the time and still naïve and innocent enough to ask loudly at their annual gathering of friends why it was that the asari ladies in daddy's videos all needed to wear black leather straps and were scolding the naughty krogan with belts. Everybody present had turned violent shades of embarrassment, while Jack and Wrex seemed interested in getting copies for themselves.

"Don't remind me," John said with a mock groan.

"I just did," Kaidan replied with a smile. "In fact-"

"Grandpa," A boisterous boom in a child's tenor broke through their conversation demanding attention. "There's someone at the door!"

"Shit," Kaidan whispered softly, "The pies!"

Kaidan placed another kiss on his stubbled cheek, taking the large book with him and moving off with hurried steps into the kitchen, pottering and clanking away with the mechanisms within, probably wearing that silly apron that Kasumi had dredged up for them from some dark corner of space. John grinned at the idea and sent it over to Kaidan, earning him a startled shout from the kitchen that always made him grin with satisfaction.

"Grandpa!" his grandson interrupted again. "Door. I can't reach it."

"Alright you pyjack," John replied, scooping up the young boy and placing him firmly atop his shoulders. "Let's go get the door and welcome everybody back."

"Tell me another story about the Shepard, Grandpa Stargazer!" the young bundle of energy railed out.

John sighed indulgently as he approached the door, the silhouettes of the people waiting outside shining against the crisp, winter light even as they shifted and patiently waited to be let in for another night of companionship and memories.

"Alright, alright," John finally conceded. "Once everyone's in. Just one more story."

John pulled one of his hands from around the toddler's swinging legs, reaching out, and triggered the lock, letting it slide aside as the cool light beamed down gloriously around him wrapping him in warmth and cold, in everything in between. It welcomed him with its embrace and John smiled at the thought of everything that had been, and everything that was going to be. Despite all that they had been through, or perhaps _because_ of it all, their joy, their suffering had all been worth the sacrifices that had been paid so that they could continue. It wasn't perfect, but it _was,_ perhaps, the best.

 

 

Never the End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.
> 
> This is it! The end of the work! But it's never the end of M!Shenko is it? Not when we have so much love for them.
> 
> Firstly, I'd like to thank my readers who have commented, kudos-ed and who have done all manner of things to inspire my writing and push me onwards to finish this, my novel. In truth, you are all writers who have helped me with your motivations and I feel that you all deserve a mention here as well. Seriously, I believe that I have some of the best readers out there, so interactive and into the world that I'm laying at their feet. You guys and gals are AMAZING.
> 
> Thank you queer_serenity, for being my long-time reader and most avid supporter. It always starts with the first and you have been so many firsts its incredible.
> 
> Thank you to chasind, who I have not seen or heard from in a long time. I hope that you are well, and for all the lovely comments that you gave me. I still get small chills every time I read the first comment that you posted on this work.
> 
> Thank you meena and Mellanjolly. I'm so glad that I managed to inspire your artwork meena and I will work hard to try and get it up for everyone to see. It is such an honour. Mellanjolly, your constant, reliable comments always made me look forward to checking my inbox. It brought me such laughter and joy to read. Thank you both.
> 
> Thank you to Damnenginegnomes for the input, Reyaira for correcting my Spanish, SuperEagle for the helpful prodding, Lilia for making me sorry that I made her/him cry on the bus, Fernando for the comments that made me smile, Dwayne Moore for thinking that my work deserves to be a published book and we02100 for making me feel bad for the heartbreak.
> 
> Thank you to goodmorningvietnam666 for the bookmarked comment, calling my work a gem and how it inspires him/her to read. That was such an amazing feedback to read. Thank you to the other 8 people who have bookmarked my work and the other anonymous ones who have done so as well. Every time I see that number tick up, it reassures me that people want to come back and read what I've written.
> 
> Lastly, and certainly not least, the huge amounts of anonymous readers who have been constantly streaming in to read my work. It's been quite a journey, the best, and it certainly wouldn't have happened at all had I not seen your support. I just hope that this effort on my part has helped to stave off the ME3 blues that everyone might be going through.
> 
> That is, in essence, what this is all about. It is the Mass Effect Happy Ending Mod, brought to life, given new dimensions and created so that we, who are the readers and gamers, need not wallow in the darkness of uncertainty. We deserve our Happy Ending, as do all the characters that we have become so close to. I am not upset with Bioware for the way they structured their ending of ME3. In fact, I am grateful. For without that motivation driving me, I would never have gone into writing, I would never have had the joy of meeting all you wonderful, quirky and fun people and I would have never discovered and expanded my horizons even further. So thank you Bioware for the absolute odyssey that you created when you made ME3. I just hope ME4 has better graphics. Hahaha.
> 
> Now, with the end of this work, I shall be taking a short hiatus. Perhaps a week or so, while I contemplate the setting for my next large work! Also, I will be extensively beta-ing The Legacy of Sacrifice and will be clearing up any meaningless chapter notes. Once that's done and I have the basic outline of my next work, I'll start again. And again. I have a feeling, I'll be writing for you lot for a very long time. It's still not too late to vote for what you want to see me write next, and thank you to Mellanjolly, meena and Damnenginegnomes for the input. I have already taken note and removed the comments, so fret not! With this, your humble author must retreat away to rest his mind that is just burgeoning with ideas. Stay tuned on the archives! I may post up one or two little things now and then during the week or so while I'm away, but until then, as I said, the large work will take some time to sketch out. You'll know when you see it. :)
> 
> Once more, a HUGE Thank You to all of you. We did it! Hooray! Happy hugs and pops the bubbly!


End file.
